RotundBagel

Day #10 I haven't been able to write in my journal for the past few days due to a recent event that prompted a fairly unplanned family trip out of state and off the internet. Needless to say, I didn't relapse and my cravings were minimal. However, I noticed that they returned with renewed force when we made our way back home, and I won't lie, I was very tempted to go back on. To combat this, I pretty much told all my family and friends about it, mostly to hold me accountable, but to give me encouragement as well. I might experiment with designing my environment more in a way to make it more conducive to my goals.

Day #6: Today was one of those days where there was so much to do that games just weren't on my mind at all. Other than that, I really need to get into the habit of doing my entries earlier, as I nearly decided to not write one today on account of tired I was.

Day #5: The addition to my morning routine really helped me in getting the day started on the right foot. I've made an effort to be out in public and with my friends more, which has made me more accountable to my responsibilities and goals. Additionally, I plan to take up more hobbies, as I still have little blocks of boredom that I usually fill up with YouTube. I've since cut down on the upper limit of my non-music YouTube browsing time in half (3 hrs to 1.5 hrs) and added some sites to the whitelist for hobby exploration.

Day #4: I didn't write anything for day 3, so it'll be quickly summed up below: Day 3 was quite tough, at least at the beginning of the day. One thing that I've always had trouble with is consistently waking up with the right mindset. If I feel groggy, I'll find myself kind of leaning into temptation and not making an effort to fight back. Day 3 started something like this and I found myself tempted to find any way to play games. Luckily, I managed to catch myself in the middle of the act, but the pull of games still lingered until about afternoon when I got into a good flow state. Additionally, I had a meet-up with some friends that lasted well into the night, hence why I didn't write an entry - I simply went straight to bed. ACTUAL Day #4: In contrast to yesterday, I woke up feeling great and managed to have a really productive morning. This momentum carried me through the day and I had almost no cravings. Yesterday made me rethink my morning routine, particularly regarding what I do first thing when I get out of bed. I'll probably implement some kind of deep breathing / meditation before I exit my bed, as I've always found that such activities really help me center myself and clear my mind.

For me, my cravings are mostly exclusive to games that I have had ties with or are associated with a strong sense a nostalgia. Most modern games (e.g. pretty much anything on Steam) don't trigger me, whereas the flash games that I grew up with are quite an alluring siren song and require a lot effort to resist.

Day #2: Aside from a bit of a block in the afternoon, I didn't have any desire to play video games or overwhelming feelings of boredom. However, I did notice that whenever video games would be remotely mentioned in media, by family & friends, etc., I did feel a slight twinge of not playing said game. These did persist throughout the day, but were easily dismissed; no thoughts on certain games lingered for long. Most of the more prominent thoughts about video games were regarding RPG games, my favorite game genre when I used to play. Despite this, these were events were little more than distractions throughout the day and didn't deter me.

So, as this is the first day, I'll make it quick. I'll use a consistent format tomorrow and onwards, but this will be more of a dump of what I did today in regards to gaming. Day #1: Today I deleted all of my accounts on a plethora of video games and installed a blocker and made a whitelist. As I'm with my family in quarantine, I decided to entrust the password to the application to my brother, and we agreed that any changes to the initial whitelist would be made by him, carrying out my requests. Aside from one game, I didn't feel any regret or apprehension from deleting the accounts, but I ultimately walked away feeling proud for taking these measures.

Firstly, I'd like to say hello to everyone on the forum! I hope I can get to know some of you and exchange experiences, advice, and such. I plan to quit gaming as a hobby cold turkey for the rest of my life. All my efforts to play in "moderation" ended in vain, and even if I could, I'd have to consciously ignore that little part of me in the back of my head telling me I'm wasting my time. You see, my problem isn't necessarily that I have a problematic relationship with gaming, just that if I have free time and no responsibilities, it will crowd out and eclipse all my other worthwhile hobbies and endeavors. Nonetheless, I still feel like moderation would hold me back - I often found myself regretting how I spend my time and fearing I will never reach my full potential. So, I decided today to break myself free of the shackles of daily rewards and loot crates for good. That's all!