Today marks the third day of quitting games but I relapsed for noFap yesterday. So today marks the (successful) first day of noFap.
I think because I had more time to think this week, I started distracting myself. Life right now, feels like I am constantly trying to match the pace of someone else. I don't have much control nor many options to get out of this race. It's out of my control, and only time will really set me free. From school and work to all of life's bull crap, life feels like a grind right now. I am not really enjoying things. I hate it. But right now, patience is the only way out. I don't really want any friends or to attend some get together events for recreation to destress. Right now, I just want to be about the business of my life.
On days like this though, I want to feel the snow beneath my feet. The crush of the snow. The cold air brushing against my clothes. My brain numb, body cold. Climbing an uphill slowly and relaxed, unweighted by the world beneath me. Unburdened. Feeling at peace. But I guess I will hold off for now. It's not time yet, nor is this pain permanent. But man, it's a long road. A very long one.
I will continue my days of quitting gaming and noFap. I don't want to shelter myself with nonsense anymore.
I'm going to hold on though. Reading. A few licks of my guitar. Reflection. Exercising. Whatever gets me through these anxious moments, I'll do what I can. If possible, in a few years if I'm successful, I want to look back on this and pat myself on the back. So... I'll be waiting for that moment.