Alexanderle

I feel that a new level of momentum is coming. I had a very good and effective day. I woke up early, I did my full morning routine and started to work for university. I am thinking about, what James Clear says about Pregame Routines (https://jamesclear.com/how-to-get-motivated). I used some things like cleaning my desk, drinking a glass of water and having my coffee ready as well as turning my phone and all distractions off. Also activating my distraction block program for the browser. This worked quite well. I also started to create a huge list of goals, I want to achive and a list of "identities", which I want to become eventually. Let's see what happens with that. Like usual, I let those things develop. Regarding my social life, I generally feel that I get a kind of necessity. The feeling that, if I don't get this right, why even bother with anything? That is not something bad, as it also worked for changes in my diet. So maybe this necessity and negativity, paired with my goals, could create even more momentum. Like I always say: I will never go back again. Only forward. Oh, I also resisted porn to today. So overall, it was one of the better days this year. No I will go to bed. I feel that going to bed a little earlier helps extremely. So good night world. Tomorrow, I will turn into a beast I feel. And if not, I will be a sweet puppy. xD

Interesting. I will try to ponder that a little bit. Seems right that I try to be friends and nice with everyone. And then I kinda always blame myself for stuff, for instance, when I am not best friends with the whole world. And yeah the problem is that I find enough time to ruminate about relationships. Should I get more busy? xD

Ok, I do understand, what you mean with instant gratification. It is just fun to do, whatever you want. Just straight up enjoy this stuff. I did this pretty much for 20 years. For me it was not only guilt, but even worse stuff. At some point, I really considered myself to be a lazy fuck. I seriously hated myself, I called myself pig in front of the mirror. I don't know, what I feel when thinking back regarding that. Just guilt? Anger? Hate? Disgust? A little bit of everything maybe. I do that as well here and then. Just yesterday I watched a funny animal news bloopers compilation. I died of laughter. What should be wrong with that? Why feel guilt regarding that? For me the problem was that I felt at some point that I felt being controlled by it. By everything: Sweets, fastfood, gaming, porn, binge watching, binge eating, social anxiety, procrastination, self violation, negativity. The feeling, when you buy around 8 croissants for like 2 Euros and then all the sudden, you just eat them all at once. Or when you buy a big glass of Nutella you just can't stop yourself and eat the whole fricking glass empty. Or you order two big pizzas. Before, I always knew, how I would feel afterwards, but then I did it anyway, without control. And I would feel miserable. The same with gaming. When I would sit there in the chair at 3 in the morning, my back completely in pain, me tired as fuck, but I am just not able to stop. At the same time you see, how every other area of your life goes down to shit. Like when I would play dead by daylight for 8 hours one day before an exam and I knew that I would still have to learn for it. But then I did not do that and would get a bad grade. That is exactely my life. I know it still is. The moment I start eating candy again, I will be in the loop again. The moment I will start to game again, I will not be able to resist. This shadow is still haunting me, but now, I am in control for the majority of time. What makes these new habits so cool, is that these decisions are not based on something, I have to do, but something, I consciously decide to do. Sure, sometimes I am tired, sometimes things are hard, sometimes youtube distracts me. But most people get distracted here and then or like to watch some netflix. Not a big deal. Some days, you just need to relax get some downtime, maybe watch a series or eat some crap. We are human beings. But now I feel like I am in control. Just thinking about that makes me realize that I have not hit myself in the stomach for months now. Just in this moment of writing I do realize that. Never really thought about it. There are so many things, which I hate. And in general, I try to be a nice person. But I also have my hateful moments, especially when thinking about the past (bullying etc.). But I recently asked you, what you want in your life? Who you want to be? I asked, because this was like 50 percent, which created momentum for me. I hated myself so much that I verbally and physically hurt myself and I also wanted to become ripped desperately. Like really desperately. I felt that if I am not able to even to this one thing and if I don't achieve that, what is the point of even living? It kinda became my only real passion next to gaming. This is what it started with. Gaming, I quit like 11 months later. Maybe you should find out, what an important goal of yours is. Something important. And something that seems doable to start with. For me it was diet. For @Amphibian220 something like football seemed to be a passion. For other people it might be to go to a charity. For other people it start with making their bed or cleaning the room. I don't know. I have no idea, what other people want or need. But I know that it is worth to find out in this life, what you want to do and what makes you so miserable that you don't want it in your life anymore.

Why do you feel regret about not doing that? Maybe that is actually a good thing. I feel that if I could do it again, I would change basically everything. I am not sure, which one is better.

That is very good stuff and so true. That is what I was thinking about it. It was cheap and easy. That is nothing, I should aim for. Maybe this kind of reasoning helps me to move towards something else than this crappy porn stuff. This is something, I am struggling with. In general, I would think the same and even recommend people the same thing, but it is quite hard to really start believing it deep in myself that getting rejected does not matter. I mean, this is something that might still pull me away from just going to people and start talking with them or even to initiate a nice flirt. That is what I have to remind myself off regularly. Because the temptation to become desperate is always there. xD

It is going ok I would say. I still have some struggles with pornography and waking up early. However, despite that I still feel on the upward spiral. My lecture today was pretty ok, which was the case, because I had someone to talk to. Lucky coincidence, but it is motivating. It is really just this weird scenario, where all the opportunities are there, but I am just to "shy" to take advantage of them. However, in general I feel that I am breaking through. I was starting to look for more social activities to attend to or to join some kind of group or association. But I am struggling a bit with that. Those associations at the university are quite expensive and I fell that it is somehow to late to join some of them now, because I will "only" spend one and a half years at this place here. So I am not really sure about that. I used to be part of a juggling association, but eventually I stopped, because I you guessed it, was gaming instead. But I am not really motivated to go there anymore. So that is not an option. Guess I have to figure out, what I might like and have to force myself to go there. It has to be easy, if it is too much outside of my comfort zone, I will probably not do it. But yeah, I feel that it is going ok. About the porn thing, I need to focus on the positive aspects of quitting again. I kinda fell back into porn, once I stopped that one night stand thing I had going. Not hard to figure out, why there might be an connection. While this one night stand certainly gave me a little boost, it was really not that rewarding afterall. Right now, I am almost at that point, where I would take it back. But that is not an option. So I have to deal with the consequences and get back on track regarding my "sexuality". I was learning a valuable thing from the area of cognitive behavioral therapy. When you have a problem, try to ask yourself why it is a problem and go deeper and depper. Challenge your beliefs and then make a list with arguments for and against it. Very useful. In general, I have become quite interested in that stuff. Maybe I will find some time to read a book or some journal articles regarding that. That is it for now. I overall enjoy, where I am right now, but at the same time, I cannot wait to finally leave this place and not to be here anymore. The hardest challenge is yet to come, which is not get right of this computer screen to be my daily center. I spend way too much time in front of it. I want to use it for work and chilling here and then. But, I don't want to have other things to attend. This is gonna be a way harder challenge and to quit gaming. Overall, gaming, pornography, netflix, facebook or whatever you are addicted of. It all starts in front of that screen. Maybe I am not here because I am or was an gaming addict, but a screen addict or something like that! No I go to bed. I have to go to bed a bit earlier to get back on the waking up early hypetrain again. I really enjoyed it there ^^

I would probably fall into a deep hole, which I happily escaped some time ago. But for me, it is a difference to play like a game once in a while compared to actual gaming. A couple of weeks a ago some people played mario kart in real life. So I joined for a couple of rounds. Nothing to it. But actually getting a steam account, downloading some of the old games and playing on my own? Never again!!!

I also often have this problem. I can really relate. What was the difference this time? Because I way to often struggle with that. Especially before lectures, I even avoid looking those people in the eye, I actually know.

Welcome and good luck with your process. 🙂

And this is, what I think, triggers relapses. That is why smokers for instance crave a cigarette. Not even, because they like the smoke or taste of the cigarette. Even though they completely hate it now, they just what this emptiness and the negative cravings to go away. So they relapse. Which means one thing: Focussing on those cravings and on the possibility of craving and noting being "allowed" to do something, is not a good idea. So what is a good idea? I think it is crucial to have plans. Having a couple of things that fulfill you and give you power can create enough momentum that not gaming becomes easy. A little inspiration: What can be useful for every person, regardless of the personality: Eating healthy, exercising, enough sleep, morning routine a clean room -> a healthy person taking care of him/herself I pretty much did that stuff, before I quit gaming. Almost one year before, I changed my diet drastically. This created enough momentum, so that one year later, I also become an industrious person and I was so busy that at some point, I was not gaming for 2 weeks, without even noticing. So than I also quit that and deinstalled everything gaming related. Has been easy for me ever since. Now I also try to use this for even more areas of my life, like my social life for instance. Therefore, it is good to answer those questions for yourself and use that as a direction. Not the negative like I can't, but the positive I want. That can be a gamechanger. Can you elaborate that? Maybe you have already done, what I meant on top, but I just did not understand it properly.

I was thinking the same thing numerous times. But first, the chance of total collapse and relapse is always possible, so I feel, an extra safety margin is nice to have. Second, I like to use my journal now as a collection of my own thoughts and ideas for other areas of my life. And I also like to help others throughout their journey. I don't know why, it just feels good to give. But yeah, in general, I understand your mindset.

@Xgamer I think you are feeling the first important sensation, which is that you cannot go back. That this is not the turning point, where you finally gonna change it. The next big point is to stop caring. Who cares, if you relapse after one month? This just means that you resisted for ONE WHOLE MONTH! Isn't this incredible? One day of relapse and then you just continue again. It is all about moving forward. It is not important, whether you are at day 6, day 14 or day 100. Yes, this is a nice accomplishment and some good measurement of your success. But the journey is so much more important. Where you are right now. You are focused too much on the feeling of "not playing". Your goal now is to focus on what you can become instead. Where you want to end up. Who you want to be. Who do you want to become?

Wow I just was reading this post. This is really great stuff. Made me consider some things.

@ceponatia I mean, isn't this way of support similar to the support on gamequitters? Like counting the number of days of not fapping and counting the number of days of not gaming? With the promise that after 100 days of not fapping or 90 days of gaming detox the "magic" begins, where you start to feel a lot better? 😄

@ceponatia I couldn't agree more. That is the sad truth.

Feminism is once again another of those movements, where the original idea was good (more chances etc. for women), but slowly turned into this crazy movement, where feminists fight almost everything. So insane. And in what universe does a woman take of charge of her sexuality by being fucked in the ..., pissed on or being gagged? 😕 That is definitely BS.

Just something out of curiousity. As I was just discussing something about the nofap movement with @ceponatia isn't this a similar problem with the pickup movement? Some dudes, which try to come up with a concept to solve a serious problem (giving guys some confidence to deal with approach anxiety and so that they can start dating), but turned it into some kind of pseudoscience, where it becomes quite complicated and messy with the goal to turn you into some kind of superman? And then claim to have better health, more confidence, more sex, better skin and whatever they claim happens? Nofap does the same, only that they tried to help porn addicts and are now turning not fapping into a pseudoscience where your absinence will also turn you into superman. I see some comparable aspects. ^^

I do understand it quite well, as I suffered from it and quite recently, I relapsed on it. And this can really kill of your libido. But totally not doing anything anymore did not work for me. It was more like focusing on other more meaningful things in my life. And I am sure, this will solve itself again. I feel that with 27 years, I am still in my "prime" and feel all these feelings quite strong. And you are right regarding the ethical perspective of the women's side. If we analyze it from that perspective, there is really disgusting stuff going on in the pornography business. Like serious stuff and I feel, if I would ever have to participate in some of the aweful "practices", I would never recover from it. 😄

@ceponatia Thats what I am saying: If this stuff is helping porn addicts to get rid of a really annoying behavior - awesome, I am totally fine with that. The rest is just like you said a pseudoscience.

@ceponatia thanks for the recommendation. I will look into it. 🙂 @Amphibian220 It is going on quite well reagarding exercise, diet and learning. I eat, what I want to eat and cook a little mit more lately. My exercising goes better than ever. I am learning, how I intend and even stuff like painting and language learning is going alright. I feel that I already made some great improvement regarding my portraits and I use my nba league pass to learn some spanish as well as Netflix and Duolingo for Dutch. Quite intriguing. The biggest struggle is still communication with peers. I feel to be a little bit more relaxed and I have someone to sit next to the lecture, but it is still a long way to go. 😕 I feel a bit stuck, as I am not sure, how to properly proceed and get over myself, but as long as their are even small improvements it is ok. But yeah, not satisfying. I hope you are ok as well!

Well, you have a solid fundament to build on. While some days were under average, focus on those days, where you did amazing and use that for your advantage.

Keep in mind that you are not journaling for anyone else. You are journaling primarily for yourself. About the other thing yes, not a lot of people are very active. Many people start and then quit. but you said it to yourself: It doesn't. As long as you take care of yourself and collect positive power, which you can use for other things as well, that is good. If you feel that the forum is not vivid enough, change it. Keep posting in other journals, give likes and be encouraging. This is what I try to do. I think that giving is, what start the receiving process.

Hello, welcome to the forum. I hope you can find the energy and help here that you are hoping for. 🙂 Why is it always League of Legends? It is crazy how many people were playing this game. I was always more addicted to Rocket league. ^^ Maybe because the moment, we do it again, all those positive feelings, we experienced and all the memories kick back in, which just make it a lot harder for us to resist. I am not sure to be honest. I don't think that you are lazy. At first, you are just fulfilling a "need" of yours. Be kind to yourself. 🙂 Hope to see more from you!

For me this means to just work with full concentration and to get shit done. Sitting in front of the computer and working for 7 hours is a waste of time, if 3 of those involve scrolling mindlessly through youtube. However 3 hours of complete laser focus are amazing. Not only do I like to do it, I also like the results and the confidence I get from beating procrastination. I agree with this one. Like completely. Sport does that for me. Or watching some series, or painting... it is really not important, whether you are a skillful player or not. The only thing that matters in my opinion is that you enjoy the journey towards whatever you goal is. As long as you know that your goal is to become a skillful player and you ignore the fact that you are a beginner, it is fine. You just enjoy the journey and it is not relevant, whether you are a beginning intermediate or pro player. The skill will come itself, once we do something regularily with passion.

First of all, the big idea overall is to get rid of pornography. By now, there are probably hundreds of studies showing the devestating effects of pornography. This stuff can even change your brain! So from that perspective, if understand the movement. However, up to this point, I have not found a single study indicating the positve effects, some no fap users claim to have experienced. Stuff like better skin, more energy, heavier lifting. Well there are studies indicating that there is a correlation between depression and masturbation. But it is probably the most common mistake to confuse correlation with causation. You don't get depressed, because you are motivated. It is more like, because you are depressed, you try to find ways to get some relive, some pleasure, to feel better. Similar to gaming or drinking or smoking. Excess masturbation does not seem to be a healthy action. However, in my opinion, a lot of it, if not 90 percent of it is a gigantic placebo. And as long, as solid studies were not conducted (Ted-talks and self published books are not peer reviewed studies), I belive in the placebo theory. A totally different question is, whether it is bad that it might be a placebo? What happens? You have more time, maybe you feel to have more energy and what not if you don't masturbate. This effect is even more extreme for the idea of "no-porn", because you can waste a lot of time, looking for the "right" video. I know that quite well. Also a big problem is the shame afterwards that you feel. It can make you feel quite bad. Not as much with masturbation per se, but more for porn. So what happens, when you resist that? Or more generally speaking, when you overcome a habit that you feel like you had no control over? That actual controlled you? If you all the sudden become the master of that? No shit sherlock - that this gives you energy! Even more: It gives you self confidence. The more powerful you become that way, the more chances you have to use this new confidence for other areas of your life. I used to do the same thing with my diet. What might be no fap for other people, is "no-sugar" for me. I like the idea to stay strong and I feel good about myself. Other people eat that crap all day, but I can easily resist. And I mean zero. This gives me so much more energy, I feel less tired and whatever. Over the course of one year, this is what I started with. And so much has changed because of this one change. Like a domino chain reaction. So if something like that gets you going. Go for it! One last thing about movements: The no fap movement up to this point claims to have these benefits (according to a very short research of mine): More energy, self confidence, better memory, concentration, better hair, better skin, better stamina, better eye sight, better sleep, "no" depression, no social anxiety, less dark circles, less sweating, more lifting power, a lot of sex related stuff... Now let me write down a couple of other movements, who claim to experience similar effects: no-sugar eaters (guilty), early risers, vegetarians, vegans, low card people, low fat people, basically any type of diet movement. What I want to say is this: There is nothing wrong, if it gives you a boost and makes you feel better. Doesn't mean that all the claimed effects are real. More than hundred years ago, phrenology was a big deal, claiming that skull size or bumps in the brain can reveal something about your character. It turned into a huge business and people would try to use it for their daily situations and problems. No-fap might be very well a phrenology of our time. But so might be no-sugar eating, vegetarianism or positive psychology. We won't know until serious studies have been conducted. Those no-fap studies are flawed.