Alexanderle

It is good that you hate it. But don't forget to focus on something else, you love. Those forces together can be very powerful.

I mean that gut feeling is nothing negative really, is it? Regarding that you cannot remember, what you are learning: How are you learning?

What about a schedule? I think they can be incredibly useful. Not a strict one, where you define every hour of your day, but at list of things to do. And then you can check 1. how much of it you get done. If it is 50 percent at first that is a great start, so you can slowly build it up. Like progressive overload in the gym. The next day aim for 51 percent or whatever. And 2. you can see, how much accomplishment you get out of it. If you feel that it is not enough, aim for more. With this you make it measurable. but for me personally. I just know that I did enough, when this weird feeling in my stomack vanishes. Tough to explain. I was always more spontaneous in that regard. With positive and negative consequences. xD

Man you are making really good progress. Keep going. 🙂

So let me tell this: It is quite a complicated thing. There are many ideas and opinions and we don't know the truth for certain. So, so aspects are my opinion. Therefore, I will not diehard defend everything I say or try to win the debate. The only thing, I care, is that you and I are successful and reach our goals. I have been in many shitty situations before. Don't want to go there again. But there are some things, I would like to ponder/share or maybe discuss. Maybe this can be also meaningful to you. Maybe I also learn something from you. And sorry that it is so much. I won't spam more after this. I promise. ^^ It all starts and end with you and who you believe, you are. What happens, when you consider to be a couch potato? You will do certain things and will also won't do other things. You will sit in front of the Tv a lot, maybe binge watch series regularly and eat chips and garbage on your couch. You won't do a lot of sports and don't go out often. This is of course just one example. Not every "couch potato" will be like that. But lets roll with that. No what is the perception of this person regarding sport? Maybe the person knows that it is good for him or her, but is not committed to do it. Now what about a bodybuilder? He won't chill on his couch a lot, go to the gym almost daily and eat clean. Once again, an extreme example. But what is the difference between the two? It is their identity, what they think, who they are and what there perspective of life is. What is the cause of those identities? Or to rephrase: Could a couch potato become a body builder? Absolutely! Why I believe that? Because that is me. I was a diehard gamer and couch potato before. But I completely changed my identities regarding that. Good clean eating, muscles and all that stuff have become very important to me. All those years before, where I was just a couch potato desperately trying to loose weight and to look good. It is hard to have success like that. But once, I developed a new identity of a gym freak and clean eater, not eating sweets is the easiest thing for me to do. Working out is fun for me. Does that mean that I am always motivated to go out and do sport? Ofc not. But this underlying passion just keeps me going. Talking about your main problem: Procrastination. Right now, you are a procrastinator. This is your identity. Now you can try to force yourself to work, but you can also change your inner perspective towards work. You can become a hard worker. A non procrastinator. However you want to name it. Similarly, your goal regarding games should not be, to not play video games any longer, your goal should be to become a non-gamer. The difference is insane. Let's take your example of a person living alone and a parent. Who says that the father will have more negative effects from procrastination than a person, who lives alone? Sure, kids and stuff. But we perfectly know that there are also parents, who don't give a damn about that. They still play computer gamers and only do the most important stuff or even neglect their kid. Ofc the question is: Should they do it? Hell no. But I do know that even if you live alone, the consequences of procrastination can be severe. At the end of the day, it is not about the circumstances or your environment, but once again your identity. If you are trying to be a good father than you will have a different perspective towards procrastination than if you don't give a damn. Or if you life alone, but consider yourself to be a workaholic. This changes your perspective, regardless of your family situation. Last thing, I want to look at: I never talked about motivation. I think that the idea of motivation is completely overrated. You can have motivation in the evening, but the next moring you are tired as fuck. It is not motivation that will get you out of bed, on your desk to beat procrastination or in the gym. It is your identity, what you belive, what you consider meaningful or what your goals are. And once again, if your studies are not meaningful and the idea of later being a doctor is not something fulfilling inside of your heart than you will have a tough time motivating yourself to get the job done. But once again, I never belive in motivation. I like the concept of momentum a lot more. But that is a different topic and I already was writing way to much. Take care man and good luck on your journey. 🙂

What makes you believe that? In my opinion, everyone struggles with procrastination today. Say thank you to technology, which is used as a means to fill some emptiness, loneliness or unfulfilled needs. That is esoteric bro science. Sure, there is this idea of dopamin and that we get a kick of certain things. Absolutely, but whatever: Behaviorists put rats in cages in the last century and gave them two pots of water. One with clean water, the other one with drugs. The rats were all alone and had nothing else to do. Guess what, they became addicted and died quickly. No surprise. This experiement has been replicated many decades later, with a small difference: The rats were living in paradise. They had many companions, good food, things to play with. Guess what, they ignored the drug water, because they could play, interact with mates and have sex. What is the lesson? If you have other, MEANINGFUL things to do, which are interesting to you and fun, if you have a perspective and some aims in life than this stuff is not important anymore. I make this bald prediction: If all porn addicts would have the opportunity for regular sex with a beautiful mate, there would not be a porn addiction. If you would have so much other things on your plate, which you like and which fulfill you completely, you what not want to spend time, mindlessly browsing on youtube. For instance, if you really want to become good in your job later, if you feel that this is something you really have to do than you will start learning. This is then not just learning, where you just put stuff in your brain for an exam. You are doing this for yourself. I am right now learning for a history exam in my psychology studies. And it is interesting to me. This is not just about passing the exam, I already learned so much regarding trends and pseudosciences, something, which is more true today than at any point in history. Every moron can start a youtube channel and spill out "science". Bullshit like no fap and whatever is out there. This perspective makes it meaningful to me. Make your studies meaningful to you. Like seriously. It you can't do that, maybe it is not the right subject for you. Sure, sometimes there will be less interesting things, but that is life.

Man, this is so me. I can really see myself in this description. The problem with that, is that this attitude is a means to never be satisfied. You can always learn something new. You can always improve. We will never reach the level of complete knowledge. So there will be things, we cannot do. Time is the issue here. Regarding time, I don't think that the amount of hours is important in any way regarding your study success. What matters, is your mental energy, your motivation/momentum and what you enjoy. It is about making smart decisions and being proud of yourself. Would you also be as unforgiving and mean to a family member, you really love dearly?

@Captain_Pilz I can so relate to your struggle regarding procrastination. It is a lot better for me now. I think I mostly beat procrastination. Ofc, it still passes by here and then and says hello. xD I do not differentiate between free and busy mornings. They are all the same. That way, I always avoid the trap of falling into a hole, when there is nothing to do. In the evening I already prepare certain things: But ingredients for my oatmeal on my table in the kitchen, maybe the coffeemaker ready, so that I only need to press start the next day, I put a big glass of water next to my bed and my cloths are ready to be picked up immediately. In the morning, I first drink that glass of water. I open the windows and make my bed. Then stuff in the bathroom: Shower, shaving, grooming. Then I make my oatmeal, which is strictly without sugar or bad ingredients, just water/milk, the oats and some fruits. This way, I have a clean meal already, which makes me quite full for hours and I feel motivated to eat clean throughout the whole day. Then I sit in front of the computer and do, whatever I want or feel is needed. Sometimes I work, sometimes I watch a basketball game from last night. Right now, I am trying to extend this routine, by maybe starting with some duolingo after breakfast. But this is a work in progress. xD But just this morning routine gives me a lot of energy for the day and the feeling of accomplishment. Tough to explain. But without this morning routine, which I started around November, I would have never considered to fight procrastination and become a hardworker, which then was the reason for me to quit games. The most important thing: There is nothing "left" from last night: No dirty dishes. Nothing, which is not in the right place. This day is a brand new opportunity for me to explore the world, without the "garbage" of yesterday. Regarding your physics stuff: Do you like physics?

I feel like I am constantly in transition mode. The one thing, I am probably proud of the most is that I am going to the lectures, which is hard for me. I am also more invested in working out than before. Gives me a good feeling. I am also proud that despite some struggles and relapses in certain areas, I am still going. Still committed. But overall, I feel that I am not there yet. This kinda sums up, where I would like to be. But it is so hard for me. xD

It is going quite amazing for me. Drawing is a little bit in the background right now. I am way more obsessed with my diet and working out. Language learning is something is still do here and then. But that is fine. Both those things I still do on a regular basis. Right now, my bachelor thesis needs a lot of attention. Regarding social stuff, it is also ok. On thursday, I had people to talk to, so that was acceptable. Won't solve my problem for a different scenario, but I am getting there. xD I am still very close to join some association at campus. But I am still not doing it right now. Have to make this jump I guess. I need to start living, like I want.

@Captain_Pilz I would recommend a positive perspective. The idea of avoiding something in this case gaming creates tension. What really worked for me instead to focus on something positive instead. Like working out, creativity, your job or whatever. Right now, you are heading straight towards relapse. Which is not a bad thing. But, I also think you are doing so many things right already. Work on your morning routine. Improve it, get good at it, become even obsessed with it. I for quite a while was awake at 5 in the morning. Not anymore, but again, I really was obsessed with this perfect morning. This one of the things, which eventually triggered me to stop gaming. So stop caring about not gaming. Start caring about your morning, your drums, your body, your social life. That is, where you get the momentum, which turn the "fight" against games into an easy win for you.

Could you elaborate those "facts"? Statistics are a weird animal. Is this an average value? Those 98 cents? It probably is. But we often tend to go to extremes with certain "facts" and ignore other things. For instance, I heard about a statistic that man are more risky. This leads to the fact that they are more often in jail, but also more willing to become entrepreneurs and build their own company. Therefore, many more men are the head of a company. I am not saying, what you are saying is wrong, but be careful with "facts". At the end of the day, job opportunities should be based on skill, not on gender. I hope we get their eventually and that some feminists don't turn the debate into the other extreme.

I am glad that you found this place. 🙂

Amazing stuff! 🙂

Maybe just a bad day. I think nobody likes everything about his job 100 percent of the time. It certainly varies. The question is: Are there also good moments? Do you have something else, you could also do? Maybe something else is also fun.🙂

In case @Sarma comes back, I would really like to stay on his journey. But we sometimes also have to understand that maybe one is not ready for the big change of quitting games and that there is not enough momentum yet. I had one attempt to quit gaming, when I was 19 and I failed horribly. Maybe I fail horribly with this attempt as well. Who knows. But one thing I know for sure based on my experiences: It is never to late to change and their is not something as the "last final try". You can always try again. Even if you start with something entirely else, like getting your social life straight first, fixing your diet or solve your family problems. Whatever it is. You can also change.

First of all: Thank you everyone in this forum. You are all an inspiration to me. Glad you exist! Second: There is a lot of confusing here. The text down below was just therapeutic writing. Just writing it down as it appears in my head. Might contain spelling errors etc. But I don't really care this time. Was important for me to get things out of my head. xD Third: Today I feel like writing down my accomplishments. I am usually against that, since I focus on the process and not results. But sometimes it just feels good to do that. First time on this forum, since I tried that: This is day 81, since I officially quit Steam and all those games. Did not realize that I am close to 90 days. That is nice. This is day 88?, since I started my grooming and morning routine. Ever stuck to it in some way. This is day 116, since I started to fight procrastination. This is day 396, since I have eaten chips, sweets, drank cola or related stuff and overall ate sweets. Only very small exceptions, like a piece of birthday cake once or twice. I have lost more than 33 pounds since then. I can't even remember the last time, I have eaten ice cream. Still remember the taste though. ^^ This is day 460?, since around the time, where I was at my lowest point and wanted to finally change my life to the better. I would say I am successful. This is day 5, since I last watched porn. This is day 1, since I seriously am into bodybuilding. It becomes a mission for me. Not crazy, but athletic. This is day 1, since I decided that getting a social life is as important for me as my nutrition. I want this so bad. Fuck! That being said, lets start with my therapeutic writing: What can I tell? The day has been very interesting in many regards. I was awake before my alarm clock started. I was motivated, followed my normal routine and was productive. I went to the gym before my lecture, where I was once again sitting alone. Could not connect with anyone. It does suck. I feel controlled by myself. I hate nothing more like that. I beat this feeling of being controlled in almost in every area of my life. But out of all of them that is the most important one. A female student I would sometimes sit next to, did not ask me to record the lecture with her dictaphone like usual, when she had another lecture parallel to that, but seemingly another student. I felt insulted by that. It was probably because I was talking too much with another person the last time and the quality of the lecture was not that good. But she could have told me that. So know I don't care anymore. I kinda don't like her anymore. Just like that. I still have a very strict black and white thinking, when it comes to that. It is in a certain way something like rejection. I hate that. xD Besides that, this time, it was way better in the lecture, because I was doing sport before. This pushed me and I was not as nervous. Maybe I cultivate doing sport before that. If it helps me to survive this, why not. In the middle of the lecture I also had some kind of epiphany that I constantly criticise myself and tell to me that I am not good enough or that there is something wrong with me. I then realized that is a lie. Kinda a good moment, but only for a short time. I want to focus on that and cultivate it. Besides the lecture, I am now really interested in working out. This really pushes me. Also language learning is going well. But my drawing is on a little stagnation, even though I made unbelievable progress. So that is not a problem. Later that day, I watched a Ted Talk about addiction. It was veeery fascinating, what the guy said. I shared it in the forum in a thread. I can really recommend it. It made me realize a couple of things: Gaming, porn, eating, procrastination - it is all something that happens due to my loneliness and isolation. I always rejected other people and pushed them away from me. Always! As a little kid, in kindergarden, in school - even though at the same time, I wanted nothing more than to connect with them. I always felt as some kind of freak. It is logical to look for release. It is logical to look for something that makes me feel better. Why I am like this? I have no idea. My older sister a couple of weeks said that my parents were to protective and were not integrating me appropriately with equally old kids when I was young. Could be that this is the case. I always have the feel to not connect. Everything is hard for me. Except to ofc a couple of people, which is a little light in the darkness. I would do everything for them. And I know, I can also rely on them. Maybe I should talk about this stuff with someone else. I feel that I could explode right now. I feel that I could cry. One the one hand, there is my progress and I feel I am constantly climbing the mountain. But on the other hand I am now at a point, where I feel stuck a bit. I know that it is only a very small step and my probably make the biggest progress in my entire life. Therefore, regardless of a little bit of some discouraging feelings right now, I will continue. I am tired. But also my momentum is very high. But I still feel like a failure, even though I am not a failure. It is more like helplessnes. There are so many things, I want do in some situation, BUT I AM NOT DOING THEM. How can human beings be so different? Shouldn't it be normal for me to just do those things? Why does a person like me seemingly need some guidelines, rules, routines and basically everything in a very analytical, technical way? Why can't it all be more spontaneous? I am more a maschine, which constantly gets repaired than a human being. Alright, now I watch a movie. I just feel like it. Avoid my emotions a bit. I am like a time bomb. Not in a negative sense. It just feels like too much things in my head. I had to get them out in this journal. At the beginning of joining GQ, I was doubtful with journaling, but this shit is so helpful I was looking again for sport associations, which I think are interesting to join. Still the money is some issue. I don't like to spend that much. And I am also not sure, which association. But I have and want to join one of them. I need some kind of social interactions. Usually, gaming via discord with other people was sufficient. But I am not really doing this anymore. It is crazy that I am still not craving for video games. But I am craving more for certain foods and porn. But even there, everything is fine. I am like a little cyborg with some bugs. ^^ If you are still reading up to this point, you are crazy. 😛 But also thanks and watch that Ted Talk. It was reallly valuable for me and my process. Made me realize something, what I have to do and where I am right now. Spoiler: I am a little rat in an experiment, which used to drink cocaine water all the time. But I found some normal water in my cage as well. And I felt a lot better because of that. Since my journey started, I found more and more things, which I can do in that cage. Occasionally, a little sip of water here and there, but I keep finding more and more. The biggest struggle now is that all those things are still not enough. I am looking for other rats. I am still alone in that cage. At least I feel like it, even though it is not completely true. Ok, now I will go to bed. Everything is out. It feels better. But I am now really tired man.

Good luck with all the challenges, which are coming. And you also already achieved quite a lot of progress. Can't wait to hear from you through your journal. 🙂

@Captain_Pilz that is a really good question. For me personally, I think it comes down to isolation and loneliness. I had nothing really outside of my appartment and their was always this screen in my room, which would be a little bit like the drug water. I think I spend the last couple of months trying to improve my rat cage if we use that terminology. Maybe you have similar experiences.

I have seen that it has been mentioned here and then in the forum, but just today via accident, I watched the Ted Talk by Johann Hari called "Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong. I highly recommend it. Some of those ideas I already knew deep inside of me, but I couldn't really forumulate them properly. He did it straight on and everybody, who considers himself to be an addict, should watch this. 🙂

@Xgamer We all have these days. There will come better days again. May tomorrow come. 😄

You are right. I should not overwhelm myself with that. I sometimes try to do too much at once.

@Xgamer I am glad to hear back from you. And about why I would see your response despite changes: I was reading it before and you were changing it, once I almost completed my response. xD Regarding the life goal, I agree and disagree at the same time with @BooksandTrees: I think that life goals can be very valuable. But what is a life goal? I don't necessarily think about them like: What is your mission on earth or like what are you destined to do? LIfe goals can be anything: Maybe you want to travel more, you want to go to Australia, Mexico or Paris. Maybe you want a sixpack, a good relationship and some really good friends. Maybe you want to learn new programming languages, being able to draw and what not. Even just a goal that I always aim to try to take care of myself, like i would take care of a person, I love - I also consider that a life goal. Overall, in my opinion, there are just 3 rules to consider with life goals: 1. They should be fun to you and give you a good feeling. This can sometimes be tricky, since especially we as ex gamers are prone to short term gratification. For instance, I don't always feel like working out. Sometimes, it is just tough to start. But once I start and once I am finished, I feel sooooo good. Way better than I ever did with gaming. No question! 2. They should not be something negative like "I don't want to game anymore". Or: "No more candy for me". I never eat candy. I hate that shit. But my life goal or however you want to phrase it, would not be that I want to eat healthy. Make a difference imo. 3. They should be easy to get into. In addition, don't start with too much at first. Don't overwhelm yourself. When you are socially anxious and your goal is to become a party animal, maybe you should not start with going to every party you can find, because that can exhaust you. Better start with a simple gathering here and then or start at least leaving your appartment twice a week. Whatever it is. Start small. Not to much. Totally different question, whether becoming a party animal as a social anxious person would be meaningful. But that is a different topic. ^^ So yeah that would be my take on life goals. And the good thing: It seems that you already have some clues, what might be interesting for you: Last thing: It is great to see that you are commited. But don't be too hard on yourself. You are just a human being. Not a robot. And we are here to help you. That is the good thing about this forum. We help each other!

First of all, I think that Icandothis is right: Eveything you feel is valid and needs to be expressed. And I think that this is important, otherwise you will find other, sometimes more painful ways to get it out. I see what you mean here and why you would call them fake. But I have the feeling that you are very negative when thinking about these people. Did you make some bad experiences with these people or where is that coming from? Something that I see with those "perfect" instagram influencers, is that they are trying to create a picture of themselves. They want to be seen in a certain way. But isn't this something, most people try on social media? Only posting the positive stuff. Only presenting themselves at the beach or with friends? Using the amount of followers or "friends" as a measure of fame and success? This doesn't mean that they are bad people or self-centered per se. They are trying to find a way to understand this life for themselves? Sure, there are also black sheep and people, I really don't like, but I think overgeneralizations can be a trap sometimes. This is something, modern psychology is not focusing on that much. Sure, your childhood is incredibly important, but it does not have to define you for ever. For instance, the Freudian idea of the oedipus complex is overrated. People emphasize more the neuroplasticity of the brain. You can still define, who you want to be regardless of your past. I know, not entirely, but to a certain degree. That is basically me. I am still often alone and have this feeling that other people are having fun outside. But this is also not necessarily true. The same, where people are presenting themselves on social media, in a similar fashion their "happiness" with see in the real world is also only one side of the coin. But I guess, despite knowing that, it can be hard to really relate this to your own life. In the same way, where I have to deal with my "irrational" fear of rejection. so beautiful to read those words. I hop you can sustain this perspective and create momentum with it. 🙂

Never thought about that like this before. The problem is that often I blame myself for that. Something, which surely should stop. I slowly are starting to understand that. I always hated smalltalk for instance, but the idea of smalltalk at the end of the day is to find commonalities. I see, what you are trying to say. And you are right. But the problem is that this kind of threat still feels real. People with certain anxieties still feel these things, like if they were really existing. That makes it difficult to really get rid of the thought carussell. Those are really beautiful words. And I also agree with that. I think a problem is also that despite the ego is just creating these illusions or stories, it also tries to find evidence for them. Like someone is not talking to me, I start to relate it to myself. Someone is making a mean comment (never really happened recently), I have another piece of evidence. So right now, I am starting or trying to look out for counter evidence. But thank you both. Very useful advices.