Big Adam

Friday: 8 AM Wake Up 8:30 – 4:30: Work. Work part of this time at a coffee shop. Hit the gym during lunch break if not too busy. 4:30 – 7: “Unscheduled Time” – Read or Practice Guitar for 30 mins, 20 minutes of Internet Browsing, then go down the list of At-Home Activities. 7 – 7:30: Eat Dinner and Watch TV 7:30 – 10. Scheduled Social Event OR Get out of the House if I have nothing scheduled. 10 – 10:30: Free Time (Anything below Stretching Routine on the At-Home List) 10:30 – 11:30: Read till bedtime. Saturday: 8 AM: Wake, Meditate, Warm-Up, then drive to Gym. 9 – 10:30 AM: Jiu-Jitsu 10:30 – 11:30: Shower, Stretch. 11:30 – 1: Go to Coffee Shop and Read. 1-2: Lunch + TV/Internet Browsing 2 – 4:30: Get out of the House and Walk around (Schuylkill River Trail, Wissahickon Valley Park, Downtown Manayunk). Train Leaves at 2:20 if going to Manayunk. 5: Go to Gym and workout. 6 – 7: “Unscheduled Time” – Go down list of At-Home Activities. 7 – 7:30: Eat dinner and Watch TV. 7:30 – 10. Scheduled Social Event OR Get out of the House if I have nothing scheduled. 10 – 11: Free Time (Anything below Stretching Routine on the At-Home List) 11-12: Read till Midnight Sunday: 9 AM: Wake, Meditate 10 – 11:30: Read at Coffee Shop 12 – 1: Take Train to Center City 1 – 3: Grab Lunch at Chipotle or Real Food Eatery. Swing Dance in Rittenhouse Square OR walk around. Can also schedule Lunch Dates during this time if I meet women who live in Center City. 3 – 4: take the train back home 4 – 6: “Unscheduled Time” - Read or Practice Guitar for 30 mins, 20 minutes of Internet Browsing, then go down the list of At-Home Activities. 6 – 8: By Food and Batch-Cook for the Week. 8 – 9: Dinner and Watch TV 9 – 10:30: Free Time – Anything below Stretching Routine on At-Home List 10:30 – 11:30: Read until Bedtime.

IDEAL DAILY SCHEDULES: I will not force myself to stick to these 100% or be frustrated if I fall outside them, but this is my ideal. Ideal Day: A day that will be enjoyable while I’m going through it AND will move me toward my goals. Current Goals in order of importance: Break my Gaming/Junk Food habits. Lose Weight while maintaining muscle Date 2-3 girls casually, with them knowing that we are non-exclusive. OR find a girlfriend if I meet one I really like. But NO settling for exclusivity with a woman that I don't want a long-term relationship with. That's not kind to me or her. With this in mind, what do I need to do each day? Breaking the Gaming/Junk Food habits just entails keeping busy and entertained with OTHER habits. Losing weight involves going to the gym 3 times a week. Other than that, the weight will come off on its own if I break the Junk Food habit. Last is creating an enjoyable dating life for myself. Which entails: practicing starting conversations with strangers (both men and women) and going on dates with women I meet in everyday life and through online dating apps. None of that takes up too much time. So my PRIMARY priority is to structure my time in a way that’s so enjoyable I don’t think about Games and Junk Food. Mon-Thurs: 8 AM Wake Up 8:30 – 4:30: Work. Work part of this time at a coffee shop. Hit the gym at Noon if not too busy. Eat Lunch at 1. 4:30 – 5:30: “Unscheduled Time” – Either Read or Practice Guitar. 5:30 – 6: Warm Up my joints, then drive to Jiu-Jitsu. 6-7:30: Jiu jitsu Training 7:30-9:30: Shower, Eat Dinner, Stretching Routine, Watch TV 9:30-10:30: Free Time (Anything below Stretching Routine on the At-Home List) 10:30-11:30: Read until Bedtime at 11:30

My Activity List. I've structured this in such a way that I can refer to it easily when I find myself without a scheduled activity. If I find myself with free time during the day that I would normally spend on Video Games or Aimless Internet browsing, I'll refer to List #1. If Friday and Saturday night arrive and I have no social event or date scheduled, I will refer to list #2. During the week, I'll refer to List #3 if I see that I have nothing scheduled for Friday/Saturday Night. At-Home Activities for unscheduled time (Ordered from greatest mental engagement to least) Read Books on Dating/Game and take notes Practice Guitar Stretching Routine + Squat Hold Draw and listen to podcasts Read Fantasy Novel Practice Coin Tricks/Juggling and watch TV Grip Exercises and watch TV Podcast + Swipe and Message Dating Apps. Getting out of the house on Unscheduled Friday or Saturday Nights Use this list on Friday and Saturday Nights when I do not have a date, Swing Dance, or other social event already scheduled. (Ordered from greatest difficulty to least) Take the Train to Center-City Philly and Walk around. Take the Train to Manayunk and walk around. Go to Rock-Climbing Gym Walk down to the Schuylkill River Trail and Hike while listening to Podcast or Music. Social Activity Options. Must be scheduled in advance. Refer to this during the week when I notice that my Calendar doesn’t have enough Social Events. (Ordered from least preparation to greatest) Check the following Organizations for pre-existing Dances: SwingKat, University Swing, Philadelphia Swing-Dance Society. Invite a Friend to go Salsa Dancing on Friday/Saturday Night Dates from Apps and from Women I meet socially. Hold a Friday or Saturday Night Game Night Hold a UFC Watching Party for people from the BJJ Gym Find a Meetup Group with Activities that interest me.

Good Luck with the Sugar Detox, Natalie. I use food to soothe my emotions in the same way I used gaming. I'm trying to work on that as well during my reboot process.

Hey Jami. Keep us updated. How has the rest of your week gone?

Day 4 Recap of yesterday's Goals: Eat Paleo: ❌. No Video Games: ✔. 12:00 Bedtime: ❌. Make Spotify Playlist✔ Make an “Ideal” Schedule: ❌ Goals for today: Eat Paleo. No Video Games. Go to bed by 12:00. Get Guitar, Drawing Book, and Drawing Pad from Home Make “Ideal” Schedule that includes designated TV/Internet time and designated “Activity Time” to Read, Practice Guitar, or Draw. What I'm thankful for: That my friends organized a Thanksgiving Eve party for this coming Wednesday. For my nice little scented candles that make my apartment smell like Pumpkin Pie. Summary: Didn’t go into Philly last night. Decided to stay in. I installed a few dating apps on my phone, then did some mindless internet browsing. I ate some trail mix because I was bored. Not an egregious diet violation, but still unhelpful. I’m going to visit my parents today and play Frisbee Golf with my Dad. When I get back I’ll plan out an “ideal” schedule for weekends and weekdays that includes designated TV/Browsing time and designated Hobby time where I’ll do something on my Activity List. Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week): 3 Gym Workouts: ✔️ 3/3. Go on One Date/week: ✔ (Next Week): Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

Definitely try out swimming and see what you can do. Remember, there's no shame in starting small. Be honest with yourself about what you're capable of. You said you sometimes get winded tying your shoes. I'm going to guess that means you're significantly overweight. Building a habit of daily exercise and slowly losing the weight will work wonders. If you already do a lot of walking through your job, then some bodyweight exercises might be what you need. Below is the program I started with when I first got into working out. Take it with a grain of salt and scale it to your level of ability. I'm 9 years younger than you and was 7 years younger when I started working out, so you might not be able to do all this the first day. Do what you can and do it consistently. Beginner Bodyweight Workout: 10 pushups 10 Reverse-lunges 1-minute Plank. Do this as a circuit workout. Meaning: Do pushups, then lunges, then plank with minimal rest between each exercise. Then take a 1-2 minute break, then do the three exercises again. Then take a 1-2 minute break, then do the three exercises again. I recommend starting with 3 circuits (total of 30 pushups, 10 lunges, 3 minutes of plank). Start with knee pushups. If that is too easy, go to toe pushups. If that's too hard and you need something in-between: do an elevated pushup, which is a toe pushup but your hands are pushing up off an elevated surface like a couch or coffee table. This makes them easier. Same thing for Plank. There is a good progression of difficulty in this video. Start at whatever level of difficulty feels difficult but not impossible for a minute. The above exercises can be done without equipment and most people know how to do them with proper form. If you know how to do bodyweight squats properly, you can add those. If not, lunges are fine. If you have a pullup bar, there is a progression of pullup exercises you can do. Feel free to disregard this if you have your own program you'd like to follow. But if you do decide to do this, I'd recommend doing it 3 times a week.

@NatalieIt's a 5-book epic fantasy series. I read the first four books two years ago and really liked them, but the fifth one wasn't out yet. The fifth one is now out. I've forgotten most of the plot, so I'm going to re-read them from the beginning. The premise is a world with a magic system that relies on extracting colors from the light spectrum (hard to explain), but most people who use that magic eventually go insane, so all Magic use in the world is regulated by a Church of sorts. The two main characters are Gavin - who is basically the head of the church/Magic Organization and Kip - his bastard son who grew up without knowing who he was. There are a LOT of twists in the first book alone about who Gavin is and whether or not he really is Kip's father and whether Gavin is really a good guy or if he's holding up this corrupt Church. It's one of the darker fantasy series I've read. It's similar to Game of Thrones in that very few characters actually have the pure motives that they seem to have when you first meet them, there's a lot of death, and a lot of bad things happen to our characters. I remember there being a lot less sex that GOT and much more humor, which I appreciate since I have trouble with books that are unrelentingly grim.

Day 3 Recap of yesterday's Goals: Eat Paleo: ✔. No Video Games: ✔. 11:30 Bedtime: ✔. Finish Chapter 4 Action Step 2 ✔ Goals for today: Eat Paleo. No Video Games. Go to bed by Midnight. Make Spotify Playlist. Make an "ideal" schedule for weekdays and weekends with backup activities for when I don't want to follow the schedule. What I'm thankful for: That I have been sleeping well for the past few months and have rarely had restless legs at night. That I found a buyer for the PS4! Summary: Worked from home today. Took a short nap after work. SOLD MY PS4. A friend of my brother's is picking it up in a few minutes. I'm planning to go to the gym for a late session in about an hour, then take the train to Center City and do a beginner salsa dance lesson. If I don't feel like Salsa dancing, I'll at least walk around, see some pre-Thanksgiving festivities, and get out of the house for the night. Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week): 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far. Go on One Date/week: ✔ (Next Week): Sign up for Guitar Lessons.

Good for you, man. For exercise, I would HIGHLY recommend starting with walking and some bodyweight exercises if you're getting winded easily. Pushups, Squats, Reverse-Lunges, Planks are all good low-impact exercises that will make you stronger with a low risk of hurting yourself. Start small, then ramp up. Can you walk for 10 minutes straight? 20 minutes? 30? If that becomes easy, can you walk up and down hills for that time? Can you do a pushup from your knees? Once you can do 20 of them, try a pushup on your toes. Commit to a small amount of exercise every day, even if it's just 10 minutes of walking, do that EVERY DAY and post here whether you did it or not. The goals you've laid out look good. But make them concrete. "I will exercise more" doesn't mean anything. "I will walk for at least 10 minutes every day" does.

Chapter 4: Fill the Void Action Step 03: Nearby Alternative Environments Local Coffeeshop - 10 minute walk - Open 'till 6 PM every night. Starbucks - 5 minute drive - Open 'till 8:30 PM every night. Public Library - 5 minute walk - Open 'till 5 PM most nights. 9 PM on M/W. Gym - 10 minute drive - Open till 10 weeknights. Open till 7 on weekends. Rock-Climbing - 10 minute drive - Open till 12 most nights Public Park - 5 minute drive - Daytime only Wissahickon Valley Park - 15 minute Drive - Daytime only Schuylkill River Trail - 10 minute walk - 24/7 Downtown Manayunk - 20 minute train or Uber - 'till 1 or 2 AM

Chapter 4: Fill the Void Action Step 02: Planning for specific situations Go-To Activities: Mental Engagement: Learn to Play Guitar Backup: Read a dating book. Tiredness: Stretching Routine Backup: Take a 20-minute nap. Making friends: Weeknight Jiu Jitsu. Weekend Swing Dance Events Backup: Take a Rock-Climbing Lesson. Boredom: Draw Backup: Practice Coin Tricks. Double-Backup: Read a Fiction Novel. Stress: Take a 15-minute walk Backup: Stretching Routine and Listen to Music Double-Backup: 10 minute meditation. To facilitate these, I will do the following. I'll knock them out over the next few days. Sign up for Guitar lessons once a week. And buy any supplemental material they recommend to practice at home. Pick guitar up from home when I visit this weekend Get a Book of Drawing exercises and a Drawing Pad. Pick these up from home when I visit over the weekend Buy a book on Dating skills. Currently Reading Dr. Robert Glover’s “Dating Essentials for Men”. Decide on what the next one will be ahead of time. Buy or Download a fiction book for Boredom. Done – Downloaded “Lightbringer” series by Brent Weeks. Make a Spotify Playlist of Relaxing Music for Stretching/Meditation.

Day 2 Recap of yesterday's Goals: Eat Paleo: ✔. No Video Games: ✔. 11:30 Bedtime: ✔. Deactivate my PSN account ✔ Goals for today: Eat Paleo. No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. Finish Chapter 4 Action Step 2. What I'm thankful for: That my teeth are in good health despite my not going to the dentist for three years. That my shoulder is healing. Summary: Went to bed early yesterday and slept well. Feeling very refreshed today. I’m ready to start this new chapter of my life without games. My brother’s friend messaged me about buying the PS4 so hopefully I can sell it this weekend. Today after work, I’ll disconnect the PS4, box it up, and install the Roku. I’ll go back to jiu-jitsu tonight and roll light to keep my shoulder safe. When I get home I’ll do the next ReSpawn Exercise and post a flow chart of activities for when I’m bored/anxious/etc. Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week): 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far. Go on One Date/week: ✔

Chapter 4: Fill the Void Action Step 01: Come up with at least 5 activities for each. Mentally Engaging: Learn to play guitar. Learn and practice Dating Skills. Podcast Production. Learn to buy and manage rental properties. Improv Public Speaking (Toastmasters) Resting: Reading. Drawing. Juggle. Practice Guitar Chords. Knit. Listen to Podcasts during all these activities except reading. Social: Debate Club. Martial Arts. Local Intramural Sports Swing Dance. Rock Climbing. Board Game Meetups. Go on more Dates. Of these activities I've listed above, I currently Read most nights, practice Mixed Martial Arts most nights, and go to Swing Dances once or twice a week. I should start practicing at least one mentally engaging skill consistently. And should get better about doing the other activities when I'm tempted to play games.

Weights. Right now I my workout is similar to Stronglifts 5 x 5. Squats, Overhead Press, Rows one workout. Deadlifts, Bench, Pullups the next. I alternate between the two. I train Jiu-Jitsu 4-5 times a week so I get all the cardio I need through that.

Day 1 Recap of yesterday's Goals: Eat Paleo: ❌. No Video Games: ❌. 11:30 Bedtime: ❌. Go to the Gym and work out: ✔ Goals for today: Eat Paleo. No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. Deactivate my PSN account. What I'm thankful for: That I’m not too exhausted after staying up late last night. For resources like GameQuitters where I can go for encouragement. Summary: Messed up yesterday. I’m restarting my count today. I played one last run through Dead Cells for an hour as a “goodbye”, then deleted my save file and reformatted my PS4 so it is no longer associated with my PSN account. I’ll need to go through a long reinstall to access any of my old games. I’ve also ordered a Roku off of Amazon so that I can stream Netflix/Amazon/etc without my PS4. I’m going to list the PS4 on Facebook marketplace. If I don’t get a buyer, I will drop the PS4 off at my parents’ house on Saturday. I fasted most of the day to recover from the junk food I ate last night. I’ll have a dinner of meat and vegetables, do the next GameQuitters exercise, and try to get to bed early. Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week): 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far. Go on One Date/week: ✔

Whelp. Today is Day 1 for me again. Relapsed hard last night. I will take some extra steps to put barriers between me and my games. Today I plan to delete my PSN account. I'll also see if I can sell or give away my PS4. I make good money at my job, so if I want to bring it back after the 90 days I can always buy another one.

Day 4 Recap of yesterday's Goals: Eat Paleo: ✔️. No Video Games: ✔️. 11:30 Bedtime: ✔️ Goals for today: Eat Paleo. No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. Go to the gym and work out. What I'm thankful for: That I still have close friendships with my high-school buddies. .My weekly men's group. Challenges: Yesterday was tough. I had to skip Jiu-Jitsu in the evening because of my shoulder pain. That left me with more free time in the evening than usual. I was very tempted to play games and felt a strong craving for sweets. I took a few breaths, calmed myself, and was able to sit with and accept the cravings. Accepting the cravings and the thoughts that accompany them seems to be critical for me. The more I fight those thoughts and try NOT to think about games or food, the stronger they become. Accepting them and sitting with them without acting on them really helps. Summary: Worked remotely today. Worked later than usual as I've got a big project going out Friday. Hit the gym late and reduced the weight to avoid bothering my shoulder. Around 5:00, I was very tempted to buy something sweet to snack on. I breathed and sat with the cravings again. Still tempted right now. I will try to sit with the cravings and let them punch themselves out. Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week): 3 Gym Workouts: 2/3 so far. Go on One Date/week: ✔

Good for you for not giving up after a relapse. You said you might consider deleting your steam account if you relapsed. Do you think that might help you?

It's good that you're working with a therapist at the same time. Keep going, man. Both to achieve the life you want and to avoid the hell you could create if you let your bad habits and addictions take control. From what you've described, it sounds like you can't expect much support from your wife along the way and that trying to lean on her might just drive her away. Lean on your therapist, on your friends, and keep on pushing through until your wife can't help but notice the changes you've made.

Hey Man, welcome! Good luck in your journey. Kicking these ingrained habits can be really difficult. Good job taking a concrete step by joining Gamequitters.

Day 3 Recap of yesterday's Goals: Eat Paleo: ✔️. No Video Games: ✔️. 11:30 Bedtime: ✔️ Goals for today: Eat Paleo. No Video Games. Go to bed by 11:30. What I'm thankful for: My job which allows me to work remotely most of the week. That my parents live close enough for me to visit occasionally. That my parents are both healthy and still able to engage in physical activities like frisbee. Summary: Worked remotely today. Worked most of the day at a local coffee shop, then went back to my apartment for lunch. I was very productive while working today. The coffee shop provides an atmosphere that helps me to focus more than I can at my apartment. After work, I visited my chiropractor to see if he could do anything about the shoulder pain I've had since the gym yesterday. Feels a bit better. I won't train jiu-jitsu tonight. I'll rest tonight and hopefully be back to 100% tomorrow. My date last night was pleasant, but I don't think I'll see the girl again. Conversation was enjoyable, but I am not physically attracted to her. Nonetheless, it was great practice for me. I took the lead throughout the date by setting the time and place, deciding when to leave the sushi shop, and deciding when to end the date. I invited her into some fun banter which she engaged in and told a few funny stories I haven't told before. Also experimented with a different date structure: I told her to think of a good dance song before the date, then at the end of the date I led her up to my apartment, put on the song she chose, and danced with her before ending the date and sending her home. I'll use that date structure in the future. Goals for the week (Counting Sunday as the Start of the Week): 3 Gym Workouts: 1/3 so far. Go on One Date/week: ✔️

Chapter 2: Action Step 1. What actions will I take to set up greater barriers to entry for my games? Uninstall Games – Done. Unfortunately, some of my games have a very quick re-install time. Dead Cells in particular only takes 10 minutes to reinstall, so I should put up some additional barriers. Delete your accounts and characters – I play single-player games, so this would translate into deleting my save files. I’m not going to do this since I plan to play again in moderation after the challenge. Choose what to do with my consoles – I have a PS4 which I use for streaming video. I will purchase a cheap streaming device, then visit my parents and drop off the PS4 in my old bedroom closet so it’s not easily accessible. I will purchase the new device by the end of the day today. I'll drop off the PS4 at my parents' house this Saturday when I visit to play Frisbee golf with my Dad. Unsubscribe to Gaming Youtube Channels – Done. Block Sites you want to avoid – I’m not doing this for now. I don't frequent gaming forums or news sites, so I doubt this will be an issue. If it becomes one, I'll install blocking software.

Good for you, man. I also don't plan to stop playing video games altogether, I simply want to be intentional about how much and why I play. I want my habits to help me accomplish my goals, not distract me from them. I feel that going the full 90 days will give me enough distance to decide what role - if any - I want games to play in my life. Keep going through November at least. I'd encourage you to think about extending the challenge to 60 or 90 days, but you do what you think is right for you. If you find you can stick to the limits you set for yourself after just 30 days, great. The point of all this - as I understand it - is to make your habits intentional and conscious rather than compulsive and unconscious.

Action Step 1: Reasons I Played Games: Stress-Relief. Sense of Adventure and Grand Purpose Sense of Achievement Progress is quick, measurable, and comes with rewards. Challenge. Challenge is always just enough to push me, rarely enough to overwhelm. Quiets my mind. I can get lost in the activity and my worries, mental arguments, etc disappear. Novelty. New quests, new weapons, new bosses. I think the 4th reason is my biggest one. I can "zone out" when I play a game. In a way that I can't do when I watch TV. I still feel restless when I watch TV unless I'm eating or stretching at the same time. Playing a game engages all my attention better than TV does. It relaxes me to play a game and listen a podcast in the background. The only other thing that absorbs my attention to the same degree is reading a really good novel for the first time. I can get sucked into a book to the same degree. I'll need to find some other way to quiet my mind and get lost in an activity. Reasons to Quit Playing Games: To Avoid: Sabotaging my health through staying up late and eating junk food. Sabotaging my self-esteem by not sticking to the limits I set on playing time. Gaining weight from the snacking I usually do when I play. Neglecting my work responsibilities Cancelling social events because I’m tired and feel bad about myself. To Achieve: Better Sleep. Fat Loss by controlling my diet and avoiding sugary foods. Greater Self-Esteem and Trust through discipline and sticking to my commitments