EscapistNoMore

DAY 64 Alright, hey guys! It's been a while. Since Saturday I've been on class trip to New York City. Aside from exploring the city, we met with literary agents and publishers (I'm an English major and it was a publishing class) and it was just absolutely amazing. I love the city so much and I want to go back as soon as possible, but more than that, over the course of trip something clicked with me. I've said before that I've been struggling with finding my place here in this world and wanting to be a published author, but not knowing quite how to accomplish that. I had a professor of mine this semester tell me that "It's okay not to write. You don't need to be writing all the time. You're young, you haven't experienced life yet, so go do that first: live life. Write about it on the side, but don't feel like you need to. Just focus on experiencing life first." It was good advice, but back when I heard it a couple months ago I had no idea what "experiencing life" was going to mean. Will I actually go into publishing like I keep telling everyone? Will I join the Americorps? Or will I just move back home until I figure it all out? After the trip, it all kind of clicked. I suddenly had a goal in mind: get back to NYC. I've been applying for summer internships up there like crazy. I don't know if that's where I'll end up staying for years and years, or if I end up not liking publishing the way I thought I would, but I've realized that that's okay. I think with my generation it's hard to accept the fact that things aren't going to work out instantly right after college. After all, we've been told since kindergarten that we're supposed to graduate high school, go to college, get a diploma, and then get a good job. But we never heard that the "get a good job" step might take a while, and we definitely didn't hear that it's okay to take things slow.

Dang man, I really needed this. All my life I've heard the whole spiel of "Get good grade to get to college, go to college, get a job, and you'll be successful", and now that graduation is fast approaching for me in the fall, I'm really feeling the pressure of that. I've got no real direction to be focusing on. It also doesn't help that my older brother is kind of a fuck-up, and I'm the next one in line, so to speak, so I feel like I need to have everything figured out, when I'm the furthest thing away from having it all figured out. But I guess that's okay. I'll figure it out someday - I've just got to enjoy the journey until then.

I graduate in December. And I'll check out his journal, thanks.

DAY 54 Been a while since I've posted. It's been a rough week. Last night I was up late finishing an essay that I had put off and put off until the last minute (it's due today). Lots of web surfing, distractions, all that. I'm also getting hit again by these bouts of unhappiness that come sometimes. I'm really dissatisfied with my life, with the situation I'm in. By all accounts, I'm doing well - good grades in school, my parents are paying for my apartment (a fact that I don't take for granted, don't worry) - but I just feel tired of it all. I guess I'm ready for a change. I really hate the city I'm in right now (I'm not a city person at all), and I feel like I've been doing the same thing forever. I'm ready for school to end and to start with something new.

What if you're already a significant way through your 90 day detox?

Good man! Setting goals for yourself makes it way more likely that you'll achieve them.

Good stuff. Filling the empty time is hard (I did the same Netflix routine as you're doing when I first started), but pretty soon you'll start to want to do other things, to see what you've been missing out on doing. Hang in there! We're all behind you.

Thanks man!

I would love to go on a cross-country bicycle ride (I'm in the USA). I haven't biked in a while - I don't even own a bike right now - but I loved doing it when I could, and the idea of trekking across the States and seeing the country that I live in is so appealing to me. It's definitely a bucket list item, one that I want to cross off before I'm out of my twenties.

Thanks for the birthday wish! I had a good time, went out with friends. It was fun. Day 50 Alright, so yesterday I didn't post (guess I forgot to). It was a relatively productive day - I say relatively because I got something big done, but I didn't get everything done that I wanted to. I applied to the HarperCollins summer internship program, which took me a while cause I had to write a cover letter and draft a new resume (I don't think working in a coffee shop for six months is related work experience). So I got that done, which is nice. Fingers crossed for that! I also got a little bit of reading done. We're reading White Teeth by Zadie Smith for one of my classes, and so far it's pretty good. Aside from all that, however, I didn't get enough done. I still have French homework, an essay thesis to come up with, two midterms to study for....I could've at least gotten through my French homework, but I didn't. Since I've just started trying my verbal technique that I mentioned in my first post, It's kinda hard to remember to do it when the urge to web-surf rises. Maybe I can stick a Post-It note to my laptop that will remind me haha....that actually sounds like a good idea, I'll try that! Also, I've been doing well with refraining from installing the Reddit and Youtube apps on my phone (I can't disable myself from doing that, so it's all on me), but it can get difficult when I feel bored and I really don't have anything else I need to do. At that point, I need to remember that there's things that I want to do, not need to do - and that's writing. I call myself a writer, so I need to write. I have a goal of drafting up two character outlines by Monday, so I'm going to shoot for that.

Hey, a fellow writer! That's cool that you have a publishing business, way to go on that. And thanks for sharing your story - I think that sort of anger is something everyone here can relate to. When I was still gaming I didn't play multiplayer games often because of the bouts of rage it would put me through, and I didn't like the person I became when that happened. Right now, I'm 50 days into my 90-day detox. It's been easy for me because I got rid of every gaming device I owned (so there's no real temptation) but I know that's not the route for everyone. Coming to these forums is a great step - everyone here supports and encourages each other, and Cam has a great series of videos on his Youtube channel about all things gaming addiction related. I've found that a starting a daily journal here is a good way to keep accountable and just a good way to wind down and reflect. Even though I may not have the ability to game, I'm still working on my self-control, trying to keep from browsing the internet all day and instead getting stuff done (I am a writer, after all, and I can't write if I'm on Reddit all the time!). Welcome, and thanks again for posting. Keep it up, it's possible.

Same. I was super insecure in middle and high school, so much so that is was almost debilitating. I wasn't one of the cool kids, but I tried to be - I tried to wear different clothes, different shoes, even a different way of walking. When I got to college most of that insecurity disappeared since I was able to start fresh with people I hadn't been in school with since kindergarten. What I've learned that works best, for me, is "fake it till you make it". Act confident even if you don't feel like it, and pretty soon you actually will feel confident. Recognize all the things you can't change about yourself and accept that you'll have to live with them, but also recognize the things you can change, and tackle them head on.

DAY 48 Today wasn't bad at all, game/surfing wise. Most of it was spent driving around and swapping cars because I had to get my own car towed (not looking forward to that repair bill). Even though I didn't get any of my classwork done, I feel justified in taking an day off of any work - it is my birthday, after all! Tomorrow is going to be the real challenge to wake up and be disciplined in my work, so I need to be prepared to face that challenge.

Day 47 Has anyone else relapsed in a dream? Last night I did, it was super strange. I bought a PS3 and played some game (can't remember which), and then I felt super ashamed about it (in the dream). Waking up was a weird relief haha! Today so far has been good with the web-surfing. Usually my class days are, because I'm on campus practically all day and have very little free time in between classes. We'll see about tomorrow.

... On the other hand, I'd like to say that as a writer, you often do need a real job to pay the bills. Oh, totally. I'm well aware that I need to find a day job that covers those expenses and allows me to write on the side. I'd love to write for a living, but I know that it will take some time to get there!

Thanks for the support, Johebe!

Haha thanks Cam. Snoop Dogg's always good for encouragement.

Thanks Cam! I'll be sure to check out other journals and see what I can learn.

Since I only recently discovered this website, I'll be starting this journal 46 days into my journey. Also, mindless web-surfing is included in my quitting-sphere. My main goal is to write more, since I've been wanting to get back into writing my novel since quitting. Day 46 (03/03/2016) Since I sold every gaming device I own (save for my smartphone, which isn't a problem cause I dislike mobile gaming) it's not that difficult for me to stay away from games. However, I have recently been "window shopping", which can't be healthy. What I mean by that is looking at gaming systems on eBay and Craigslist, and wishing I could buy a used Xbox 360 and play Red Dead Redemption just one more time, or a PS3 and play Uncharted 2 just one more time. I have the money to do this, but luckily (or unluckily, depending on how you look at it) I've run into some car trouble, so I'm saving that money for repairs. Also, I'm sort of accountable to my roommates and my parents. They know I sold my gaming devices because they were a distraction (but not because I was addicted), so it would be just awkward enough to have to explain why I bought a console when I sold my gaming PC recently. As for web-surfing, that's going alright, I suppose. Installing Cold Turkey has been extremely helpful with blocking the major time-sinks like Reddit and Youtube, but I can't block every website, so sometimes I'll still find myself reading articles on CNN or something when I should be working. I've been trying to keep my self-awareness up and realize when I'm procrastinating on my work. One thing I've found that helps is to verbally recognize when I'm feeling like procrastinating and accepting that feeling: I actually say out loud (or whisper to myself) "I want to procrastinate, and that's okay." Having the want isn't bad in itself, it's when I act on it that things go bad. Thus, just sitting with the urge for a minute or two is enough to let is pass. I'll keep trying to do that more regularly.

Ten days! That's a good place to be, man. And good on you for finding the silver-lining with the military thing. I'm American, so I can't relate to that whole system, but from my friends who have been in the Navy and Air Force I've heard that it's a good vehicle for creating discipline and structure, which can be real helpful when quitting games. Hope it all works out!

Hey guys! I started my no-gaming journey a while ago, but I only recently discovered this website, so I figured that connecting with other like-minded people would be a good idea. I started this post with the intention of keeping it short, but clearly that didn't happen! Forgive me for pouring my heart out all over this forum. I hope this will help somebody out there. So, I grew up with gaming. My friends and I would play Pokemon on our GameBoys after school, I'd go over to their houses to play Smash Bros or Halo, etc. It wasn't the only thing we did together, but we were little boys after all, so we relished our time when we were transported to these new worlds inside the screens. Fast-forwarding to my first year at college, and 18 year old me was still a gamer. I initially went to an art school, and planned on majoring in game design, but that didn't work out so I transferred to a state college. I switched my major to English. I lived at home, for financial reasons. Every day, I would game. I didn't think I was an addict. I probably played two hours a day, maybe three on the weekends, but I managed my homework well enough and got A's and B's like I had always gotten. And gaming wasn't my only interest, after all. I loved to read and write - that's why I changed my major to English. I wanted to be a writer. I had dreams and hopes, and I wasn't spending so much time in front of the screen that my life was deteriorating. I was healthy, I did well in school, and had friends. So, why did I quit gaming? I wasn't being honest with myself. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I knew that I wasn't doing enough to accomplish my dreams. I told everyone I wanted to be a writer, told everyone that I was currently writing. For a while that was actually true - during the summer of 2014 I was pumping out 2,000 words a day of this novel of mine. I got 40,000 words into it before I got hooked by a re-playthrough of Assassin's Creed 2. After that, nothing. I didn't write a single word for two years, save for school essays and exercises. I was content with hovering just above mediocrity. I never met with professors and asked for advice on what goals I needed to be reaching for, I never got involved with writing-related organizations or events at my college, I never searched for internships or jobs that would expand my network, and so on. I did nothing. When I should have been working towards my goals, I gamed. Looking back on it, I realize that it wasn't because I was lazy. My inaction stemmed from not believing in myself. I know that sounds incredibly corny, but any fellow writers out there know that when you say to people "I want to be a novelist/poet/playwright/etc" you get weird looks. People don't believe you can make a living that way. You need a "real" job. The funny thing is that nobody around me was saying that - my parents and siblings were always supportive, and I never heard any of my professors say "find something else". It was all in my own head. I didn't believe I could be a novelist, that I'd never reach that dream, so why even try? So, to escape this feeling, this conviction that I wouldn't succeed at my dreams, I gamed. Gaming gave me an objective, and I was always being rewarded for achieving whatever goals the game set out for me. Eventually, gaming was joined by internet surfing (Reddit and Youtube, mainly). I spent hours doing, really, when you think about it, nothing at all. I never failed a class or hurt my health because of this - I always turned in my assignments on time, even if it was at the very last minute, because I had spent the previous days gaming or surfing - so I never felt like I had a problem. Over time, my self-control eroded to the point of nonexistence. Even if I really wanted to get a jump on my assignments, I'd browse Reddit/Youtube or play games instead. This went on and on and on like this until the end of last year. For perspective, I'm almost 22 now (two more days!) That means this had been going on for nearly four years. This past December, over my winter break, I had a lot of free time, and sat down and really reflected on myself. I accepted the fact that I was an addict, a slave to gaming and web surfing. But what could I do about it? Quit? But I've been gaming my whole life, I can't let go of that, right? Wrong. Gaming wasn't who I was as a person - I had to recognize that fact, that I'm not defined by gaming. So I decided to quit, completely. Since my self-control was totally in the toilet, I knew my decision to quit had to be absolute and uncompromising. I sold my gaming PC (which was tough to let go of), and I even sold my Nintendo DS and my Wii, even though I hadn't touched them in forever. For my laptop (which can't do much but web browsing and word processing), I installed a program called Cold Turkey to restrict my web surfing, setting it to completely block Reddit, Youtube, and a whole host of other distracting websites (It's a bitch to uninstall, too, so relapses are highly unlikely). Since January 15th, I haven't gamed or gone on Reddit/Youtube, and I feel amazing. It hasn't been a wild success right off the bat, of course. I'm not writing 2,000 words a day again, but I have written several shorter pieces that weren't related to school. I'm doing much more reading than when I was gaming, and I'm procrastinating much less on my schoolwork. I can slowly feel myself coming back together again. I'm reading a book on self control so I can build a solid writing work ethic and call myself a writer once again. So, forty-six days into my Ninety-Day Detox. Will I ever game again? I'm not sure. But I'll definitely never let it take control of me again, and I'm excited to connect with the people on here who share that same goal. If you've gotten all the way down to this point, give yourself a pat on the back haha! That was a hell of a lot for an intro post.