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Heart Dreamer

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  1. We're kind of years apart. Like big years. But why does it seem like you are constantly bringing yourself down? It makes me think that sometimes we are the most cruelest and harsh to ourselves. There's a crying boy inside of you, but it doesn't look like you want to acknowledge it. Instead you keep getting mad at it for some reason. You're doing good for yourself man. You are attempting to quit games. Your a published author. And most of all you have a family. They all see good in you. Granted, shit does seem to have hit the fan for you though. But sometimes things happen for a reason. NaNoWriMo month is coming soon right? After today, one month from now. The perfect time to get laid off so you can show Boss Joe who's the real boss for laying your ass off (ha, joking, don't quote me on that. im not a fighing guy. but u get my point. i hope.) But all in all, I'm saying this in good name. I haven't learned tact and I probably misinterpreted a lot of your writing as well, so excuse me if I said some "what the fuck is this guy on? does he want to fucking fight?" stuff. also. wooooow i'm speaking to a published writer (fan girl screams)
  2. The Place to Change. Unrelated to my past memories, but rather now. What does it mean to be insane? To play the same game Or to call upon days of the same? As days are lived among a trapped fence It seems like days are lived to repent Like iron to a slave I wonder if that is whats being made As each step seems to delude the rest That the blind are so willing to confess The suffering we all know too well The pain that binds us like a belt But something inside of us needs to swell Without the comforts of knowing that we will do well Though perhaps that is just me That everything reminds me of puppets from the same tree Yet I probably won't ever know Because as I write this I say good bye to you and I With eyes that no longer seek Of what lies far beneath (don't think i'm dead though from this poem. but u know. some day. this is no death note or however though. i just think that this is a journey meant to be done alone personally in my case. though i did speak of someday helping others or others helping me, but all this seems like potential triggers for others. my writing. so im going away like i always do. its always been the case for a lot of things. empty promise and empty accomplishments. i feel like a liar when i think about saying i might come back. chances are i won't. but i am thankful for our encounter nonetheless. i hope everyone finds happiness in the end. it does seem like im closing myself off again tho. but maybe its for the best. regardless i really hate guilt tripping myself over dumb stuff. move on brother, heart. move on! to the next bus ride home! chooo chooo. hey wait a min thats a tra- chooo choooo)
  3. Call the winds to come Seasons readily let them know That end never really ends
  4. "Then let us go." said Teresa, "You may or may not know what a dungeon is, but you can tell through the appearance of an altar. The Goddess of Love does not accept every one into this place. Yet, surprisingly she had brought you here." "Then what about the villagers who complained of the disturbance?" said Mars. "Those villagers complained about a rumbling deep from within the mine. However as ones not chosen, they saw the mine for what it is. A mine. That rumbling they hear, however, is really the echoes from the beast within this dungeon." "Then does your appearance mean that some day this dungeon will collapse and let out this beast?" "In short, yes. But that will not happen today, because we are going put an end to this beast. Now, come on." said Teresea, motioning Mars towards the altar in front of the Goddess of Love. "To enter the dungeon, one must offer a sacrifice of Mana to the Goddess of Love. In return, she will grant protection from the overwhelming Mana inside the dungeon," said Teresea. "But I don't know how to use Mana?" said Mars, feeling a bit dumb for not knowing how. He grew up in a village nearing the southern border of the Old Continent. The villagers knew nothing of Mana. Only fishing and farming. Mars, discontent with that lifestyle, decided to move up north as an adventurer to entertain his brief life. He heard rumors of the kingdom of Ceres of how they trained warriors that bore unworldly strength and mages who controlled the elements of the world. In other words, Mana manipulators. Mars dreamt of such a day to learn how to manipulate Mana. But now, summoned inside this dungeon and standing before Teresea, he felt hesitant and ignorant. Lacking was the word. Teresea, on the other hand, was shocked. "The Goddess of Love summoned someone who doesn't even know the basics of Mana? How can this be?" said Teresa. "Perhaps, this is fate?" Mars half-heatedly chuckled. Teresa sighed. Then what about the whole spouting about being a man of the blade? Was that a lie then?" Mars blushed. "Well to be fair, --" "Enough. I will show you the way." sighed Teresa. What a joke she thought to herself, but perhaps it was fate. "First, take a deep breath. Imagine filling your stomach with air, like filling a vase with water. Start from the bottom and make your way up. And once you feel that you can no longer take anymore air, tighten your stomach and shift your focus to your arm. Any arm will do. Then with that pressure in your stomach, feel as if you are exerting all of its force to the ends of your palm, like blood coarsing through your veins, only more violent. From there you should feel some sort of release. That is the mana itself from within you." said Teresea. Mars felt confused. "Is this a tai chi class or something?" ----
  5. Day 4 Well. I guess it's time to make some sense with my nonsense. I don't want to be seen as that one crazy guy. Haha. For the most part, the freestyle poetry in this entry are memories from gaming. I played MMORPGs , and the poetry highlights my encounters. In a way, I am "flavoring" the memories so one day I can move on on more definite terms. Because I know some day I might have an impulsive desire to go back to gaming. Like already now, I have a strong urge to play a previous MMORPG, but that was mostly my fault, since I decided to go on Twitch. The urge stems from interacting with the twitch streamer though. It was as if I was playing the game with them. Maybe that person was doing too good of a job. But from what I have begun to understand is that the more I write, the more I don't want to play. From an outside perspective, these actions appear as an antithesis, but to me, it's more like coming to agreement with a good memory, knowing that things will end on bittersweet terms. And admittedly, a lot of my writing has been rather sad, but that's just life. On the other hand, there is the haiku I have written. A lot of the writing represents a passing thought of whatever emotions I have at the time. Talk about mood, right? (what a moody btchhh, lol) So I wouldn't read into it too much, because it's just me punching a bag to relieve my stress. So in other words, "fuck you joe. your the reason why I'm acting like such a btchhh today. You want to know why I fucking blah blah blah?!" translated to: I fucked yo bitch Joe But her ass had some herpes Should had let me know Then there are the stories I posted, which of course, is amateur writing. Shit, I know little to nothing about grammar or writing stories. All I know is what makes a sentence is a noun and a verb. Pile that shit up, and you got fresh tale to tell. Right? Probably not. Nope. But the writing keeps my mind away from gaming, which brings up the topic of antithesis again, but fuck it. The writing bears fruit from a gaming session I had. Though, I'm just filling a lot of it with bullshit along the way, and letting that bullshit grow. So like any smart person ready to call the bluff, you can go "Hey, let's just see where this goes." or "HEY! LIAR! LOOK SO AND SO SAID AND THIS AND THAT DOESN'T ADD UP. WHAT THE HELL MAN?" (pls not the latter) However like anything I try to do, it's all in good name. On occasion I do think about writing all this for myself, like in a personal diary, but I like to think that someday I can help some sucker who falls for my bullshit (yourself, ha) or maybe someone can help me out someday. But. I'm not going to think too much about it. So...Back to the occasional nonsense.
  6. Standing at the center of the world, Kingdom Ceres represents the dividing line between the New Continent in the north and the Old Continent in the south. As one land mass, many speak of the trivial matters of such division. However, in a world like this, Mana has the power to do such a thing. To simply put, Mana is one of two life forces that exists in every worldly entity. The greater the level of mana, the greater outputs of change. Or rather, risk. For what one will see in the New Continent, little stability exists. Danger awaiting every corner. Meanwhile, the Old Continent has little to no mana. However, there are only very few exceptions. One. The New Continent expelling into the Old Continent. And two. Dungeons. --- "Mars, huh? What a shabby name," said Teresa, looking at the altar next to Mars now. "Hey! What do you mean? That is the name my mother gave to me. What kind of disrespec-" Ignoring his remark, she asked him, "Mars, do you know who this is?" Annoyed, Mars looked back at the statue now emitting even brighter levels of light. "No..I don't." he said. "This is the most cruelest of all holy beings, the Goddess of Love." she said, now looking at Mars. He chuckled. "How can the Goddess of Love be such a cruel being?" "Well." she said, now looking back at the altar, "Some day you will find out. For as long as you walk this path, you will discover more than just the fear of death. Things beyond your comprehension." Mars looked back at the statue now too, which appeared to be almost calling for him. He knew all too well about the realities of an adventurer. He did not need such a tedious warning now of all times. But he continued to let her talk. "Yet knowing this, do you still wish to see what lies ahead of you?" And like a sudden cue in his mind, he withdrew his blade and replied, "Of course. I am an adventurer am I not?" And so like a mother with a child who heeds no advice, she smiled. "I thought so." (ughh so rushed reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee)
  7. Like trees in the sun And like trees in numbing cold What life do they see
  8. The Long Nights I long for the night Much more than the twilight For when the stars appear Reminds me of dreams drawing near Shining overhead as I gaze from below The mood brings a feeling of mellow As the grass frays against the blowing wind I feel a release from all the worldly sins Which brings forth deep sophistication Even on the days of miscommunication So trees around me, creatures that surround me, and even humans who frown at me I know each had your own story to tell So on the days that you and I had fell I have forgiven and I hope you too For life is too brief For such grief.
  9. Slowly, the shadow crept forward. The young man felt a sense of relief at the sound of her voice, but still wary. He tightened his grip. And sure enough, emerging from the shadows, revealed a light blue haired woman with youth maintained through noble birth. She appeared a few years older than him, nearing her mid twenties. But later in life, he would find out that looks deceive. Quickly though, his eyes danced to any signs of danger. He examined her hands, her armor, and weaponry. A long blade held onto her back and her armor minimal. She walked closer to him, bare handed, assuring no danger. "Lower your blade. I am one of you." she said, two arms length away from him now. "How can I trust you? You may be an illusionist." he said, still holding his blade out to her. "My name is Teresa, a warrior from the kingdom of Ceres. I arrived here minutes earlier than you. Furthermore, I had received word from the villagers of this region about a disturbance in this dungeon. I have come to see for it myself." she said, drawing her sleeve back to reveal the symbol of Ceres, a lone flame. "Now care to explain yourself, young adventurer? This is not a place for someone like yourself, regardless of your ambitions." He scoffed, withdrawing his blade. "My name is Mars, and an adventurer like myself knows no bounds. I will do as I please." But inside, his head ran, rummaged in confusion. Ceres? Dungeon? ---
  10. At the foot step of the stone cavern, the young man took a deep breath, taking in the nostalgic feeling once more. Small remnants of the underground mine stood near his foot. Rumors spoke of the otherworldly monsters dwelling in the cave. And as the adventurer himself, he could not resist the cautionary tale. So without a moments notice, he took his first step into the unknown. For what appeared as settling darkness at first, soon flashed into a blinding light. "Mana." he thought to himself. In an instant, darkness transformed into a hidden sanctuary. In the middle of the room stood a stone statue of what appeared as a divine figure. The divine figure emitted light from itself, but never in his life had the young man seen such a figure. He felt thrilled. "This might go down in history." he thought to himself. But just as he approached the statue to further inspect, a shadow had formed in the corner of his eye. Quickly, he drew his blade. "Who goes there?" The shadow had stilled. "I warn you. I am the man of the blade. I cannot guarantee your life if you move any closer, " said the young man. He felt his heart fumbling. Adrenaline had overtaken him. And to his very surprise, he heard a faint chuckle from the shadow's direction. "This is why I dislike novice adventurers, they are always so rash," said the voice, one which suited a young woman, "Is violence always the first resort to the unknown? " ---
  11. In moments of doubt I long to rest yet to grow I know I must go.
  12. The Memories of the Guild Hall Standing at the guild hall, I familiarized myself with the vision you saw. Among my brethren and I who fought a battle of constant solitude I understood the fragility of what filled the room For what you created was a list of gratitude Nurturing us until the day we bloomed And like every parent's caress You led us with a gentle press
  13. I miss the old days, But the sobering eyes see life going forward.
  14. The Adventurer's Journey Since times of the ancient, dragons have long existed Adventurers sought for these scales of enchanted Days and nights of misunderstanding prints and rumors that persisted Until one day they found a place no one had ever landed They searched the green land pristine in all its glory Childlike thrill of new discovery, like pioneers inbound Shedding away all those days of constant worry As the dragon inhabiting the land, swept away without a single sound (frick you dragon man)
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