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Julon

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Everything posted by Julon

  1. First of all you have to keep in mind that eating good is more important than training itself. Maybe you could try meal prepping, so you don‘t have an excuse the next day to eat bad food. There are some good videos where People mealprepp meals for an entire week in under 20 minutes. It depends on your taste though. When it comes to training (I assume you are a beginner) I would try to find a good full body workout. The full body workouts by Athlean-X brought me through the Pandemic personally.
  2. I‘ve done it! I just got my Testimony and it turned out much better than expected. I ended up being third best in my class. Struggled a bit with my oral exam preparations, but it turned out great. The grades that I got pretty much allow me to apply to any uni that I desire at the moment. I‘ve applied to two Unis so far, in the field of economic engineering. Now I‘ve got a bit of free time before uni starts. My goal is to really get into cooking to support my fitness progress.(which I‘m also gonna take more serious now.) I‘m also really happy that covid is becoming less of a problem. I hope I can take part in a lot of University sports in two months. It‘s my biggest hope for becoming more social.
  3. @Amphibian220Working out was still a big factor as well as going to bed earlier. Listening to music and maybe a few videos were my option when I wanted to relax. I didn‘t change that much besides that to be honest. I was so occupied by the stuff I had to learn, that there wasn‘t much room for other things in the two weeks before the exam.
  4. Thanks for asking @Lobares Right now I‘m trying to find the right unis, yes. Even though the idea of going to university is still kind of weird to me. I went to a school that had an emphasis on international economics, so I‘m currently looking to combine Econ with my english skills. International Affairs and Economic engineering are currently in my focus. Also right now in this situation I can‘t really imagine going to another city so I’m looking to get into my local university and maybe finish my bachelors there. Then the Master I can do in a different city / country (since my dream is to study in America once in my life) But it‘s not clear yet, I‘d also have the option to do a voluntary ecological/social year which many Universities like to see in your CV. I can plan more precisely when I have my testimony in one month.
  5. Wow, all my exams are done, I just need to get an oral grade now in 1 month. I didn‘t expect the finals to go so well, considering how little I learned. With video games I definitely would‘ve struggled a lot more. I’m relieved and finally some time to relax is there. Also really convenient, that the covid situation has just gotten much better now and everything is opening up. I’m going to the Gym tomorrow and small parties are allowed now. Haven’t seen my classmates in 3 months, gotta make up for all the time we lost... Weird thought, that I‘m gonna be out of school in 1 1/2 months after 13 years of school. What comes after is still very difficult to say... But I‘m just gonna work on my self for now and maybe discover some opportunities that way.
  6. Yeees! Hardest final exam is done. It was an exhausting exam, but I know that the grade is going to be good enough. Now full focus on Economics in a few weeks.
  7. Fuck fuck fuck.... 1 day left and with matrices I have one full topic left to learn, calculus and probability calculation aren‘t my favorite topics either... I really hope what I learned is enough to at least pass. I also really hope the exam is gonna be fair.
  8. Woke up early today, it‘s key to start early and stay away from my phone. Still motivation is hard to find. 5 learning Days are left, and the topic is really damn hard. I feel like I‘m getting overworked after about 2 hours and brakes bring me out of my flow. After a brake I‘ve usually lost all motivation. I haven‘t found the right balance yet. All these learning techniques like Pomodoro don‘t work for me sadly. At least a positive thing is, that my back pain somehow got better, makes it easier to sit down a bit longer. Just wanted to do a quick update, it‘s a nice distraction , haven‘t seen anything but numbers the last 3 weeks.
  9. Great hobbies, especially calisthenics! But I would focus a bit more. I also made plans to learn many new skills, in the end I got frustrated because I was overwhelmed and couldn‘t finish anything.
  10. I was at this point many times. I reinstalled Cs:go so many times and It was amazing. For the first two days I usually think: there is no way I‘m going to ever stop playing this game - surely there is going to be a way to implement it into my daily life in a healthy way. After 1 week though, I realize what affect it has on me. Your brain in addiction mode can‘t think rational and it does anything to get that „high“ you get from gaming. But think about it, what is going to make you happier in the long run? A sport or a game with virtual „pets“.
  11. So, first two out of four final exams are done. Biology went pretty good and english was also pretty good. Well except for one part of the listening comprehension where it sounded like the narrator spoke through a toaster. Now comes the hard part, I still have to prepare for International economics and maths. Maths is in 7 Days from now. Learning still isn‘t my thing yet 😄 But knowing how well I did in english and Biology, I‘m not too stressed about the last two exams (yet) 20% in both exams would be enough for me to pass now (I‘m trying my best of course anyways.) God I‘m going to be happy when this is finally over, especially now that it has been confirmed, that we are allowed to go to italy in one Month. First vacation in 1 1/2 years should be great. Even better that I‘m going there with my first shot of the vaccine that I‘ll get in 2 weeks.
  12. I am soo exhausted...I started studying 10 days before my final exams. My exams start in 4 days now. I have never learned more than one evening before an exam and I feel like I lack the mental capacity to sit down for a whole day to study. Learning something takes forever and most of the time I can’t concentrate at all. Also everything hurts... back, neck and shoulders. Sadly I can‘t take a brake because I started to learn waaaay to late. I‘m really not doing good right now and I wish I could relax. But if I fail these exams, all the years are wasted. Corona has made this situation worse than it should‘ve been, I have seen nobody and I haven’t had normal classes in 2 months, it‘s really getting on my nerves. 3 more weeks of hell, can‘t wait. sorry for the self pity, had to get it off my chest.
  13. Hi, I also live in Germany and my Story (so far) sounds very similar. I have also lived my life as a passenger and just managed to get through everything with above average grades while procrastinating a lot. No one knows about my problems. Honestly I have also failed to quit multiple times. Currently I‘m also in a bit of stress because my finals are in 2 weeks and I can‘t motivate myself really. The only thing that helps me currently is going for short walks and doing short workouts. Also listening to music instead of gaming is a good alternative. No reason to be ashamed, we all share the same problem here, you should be proud that you are willing to take action instead of living in denial like many addicted gamers do.
  14. Wow, that is fucked up. A different diagnosis means, that they also wont get the correct treatment right?
  15. I think many people don‘t consider themselves addicted even though they are. It is viewed as „cool“ to game 6+h a day nowadays. People in the internet (especially on reddit) surround themselves with people that have the same habits / problems, so they think it‘s normal. 3 years ago I was also in denial, I always blamed my problems on other things in my life. I never had the idea, that gaming could be the problem. And seeing how much my online friends played, I thought it was completely normal.
  16. Kinda forgot to journal because school has become really stressful again lately. In exactly one month, I will have my final exams and I‘m really struggling to learn for them. Having learned the day before every exam the last 2 years, I don‘t really know where to start. I also get tired really quick. I kind of made it better by working out every evening. It gives me the feeling of not „wasting“ a day and a little energy. At least I finished my english communication exam already with a Perfect grade last week. Thought I‘d have more anxiety, but it was incredibly easy. Living in the internet has at least given me some strengths it seems like. Talking about internet, I‘ve avoided distraction in the internet as much as I could. I replaced most of it by listening to music, not ideal, but better than constant entertainment. Last month I also visited a therapist for the first time. It was just getting to know each other. In 2 days I‘ll have another appointment, I really hope he can help me improve my mental health, especially during the preparation for my finals. Also does anyone have any tipps for getting up early? I always tell myself to get up early the next day, but in the end, I end up sleeping 2 hours longer than I need to. Thanks for commenting @Lobares Yeah what I didn‘t talk about is, how well I was doing at the beginning of 2020. I started going outside more, meeting people and tried out new stuff (even though I was still addicted) but then covid hit, doing new things got harder than ever, because nothing is allowed. covid really has made me more anxious to try new things. I know that I crave social interaction, but covid and anxiety makes everything harder. Right now I try to find small hobbies alone, but nothing seems to fit. I get bored after about 1 hour. Your last point is also really true, gaming content is the worst! If I watch gaming content at one point of the day, I won‘t be doing anything else for the rest of it. It really wakes up nostalgic feelings that I‘ll never get back by playing games. If I watch gaming content, I know that I‘m going to relapse even when I tell myself that this time „I‘m only going to play for an hour“
  17. Just a small check in post. I haven‘t played any games the last week. Still my sleep schedeule is really out of order and I use my the internet to relax here and then. But I‘ve worked out 3 times and I‘ve eaten a lot healthier. Lately I‘ve had really strong urges to play though. Especially today, I almost cancelled my steam deletion request to play one or two games. My mind tried everything to get me to play for one evening - Even though I know that that‘s not true. But I literally couldn‘t think of anything else. But luckily I didn‘t go into „Just one last time“. Have failed at this stage many times though and I know this feeling is going to come back. During that moment Gaming is the only thing that seems fun to me. But I should definitely stay away because now I have to prepare for my finals.
  18. Gotta be honest, I relapsed for one day after quitting for 3 days again. Good thing is, that I managed to use my time a bit more productively. Went to bed earlier, kept the habit of cold showers and had a workout 3 times. On the third day sadly I got my back pain again from standing more. And well my usual reaction to any sort of uncomfortable situation is gaming or browsing. So I tried to comfort myself by downloading a game again. Didn‘t have any fun at all and uninstalled it . Just stupid, but it happens. Still kept browsing a bit to much the next few days though. But overall the last week was pretty good... For this week I plan to keep my habits going and also add yoga to the list, because it seems like a good solution for my back pain. Don‘t really have a plan to replace browsing yet though, the urge to just pick up the phone is just so strong sometimes. What I have noticed, especially cs:go and other gaming-related videos are a huge trigger for me and have caused me to go down the gaming-rabbithole more often than I like to admit.So right now I‘m just trying to make sure I avoid gaming related content when browsing as much as I can.
  19. I have the exact same Problem. Whenever I have to study for a test, or something overwhelms me, I watch youtube videos or browse reddit to cope with that stress. In the end I have so much stress that I have to learn the day before / often until after midnight. Entertainment is just way to good at turning your brain turn off. Having this constant entertainment also prevented me from trying new things, since they seem boring at first. Anyways I wish you good luck.
  20. Day 1 Well overall it has been a great first day staying away from useless entertainment. I really wanted to start learning for my math lessons but procrastinated by (atleast) doing other half productive things. I cleaned my room a bit and listened to music. Also stood up more, and now sadly my back pain is also coming back. I mean after sitting 2 months with almost no workout I shouldn‘t expect any different, but it was also a thing that got me really frustrated last year. To counter this a bit I did a workout in the evening and it was definitely better than my „addiction mind“ would have thought. It‘s way more rewarding... just getting started is the problem. I‘ve also startet looking more into some other self-improvement stuff such as the Wim Hof method. I‘ll start to implement some of the routines from that method. I started today with taking two cold showers - lowering the temperature more and more until you get a real adrenaline rush. Gives me a good energy boost for a short time, can definitely recommend. So overall I‘d say my first day in abstinence didn‘t go to bad. I know that this is probably still the honeymoon phase I‘ve experienced while quitting way to often. But I‘ll try my best to keep the streak going.
  21. Just discovered your journal and it‘s shocking how many similarities I see to my gaming habits. I‘ve also neglected every responsibility the last few months to play games and watch Twitch and in the end I was just disappointed, that the games weren‘t as fun as I remembered. The tournament I just watched on twitch also just ended and it felt like a good time to get back to a normal life . Once I get a thought about streams or games I literally cannot think about anything else. A thing that does, however sometimes help is to just stand up and do a very simple task, it helps me to reevaluate my decisions. Anyways I hope you are doing well now, stay strong.
  22. Well... shit. I lost it again. I have been gaming since Dezember again reinstalling/ deleting games over and over. Before that I was on social media all day - so not really better. I felt like shit every day and everytime I thought things were going uphill, the next day „reality“ kicked in again and I was in this stupid rabbithole of selfblame and depression.I feel especially stupid because everytime I played a game, in the end I deleted the game because it was not fun at all. But still I kept reinstalling trying to get this „high“ back my brain remembers. Anyways I‘ve finally decided to get a therapist, because I think my problems go further than just gaming. Sadly it takes forever to get an appointment in Germany. But journaling again will surely help right now, the best times I‘ve had last year were when I was journaling, keeping track of my schedule / reevaluating my thoughts. Atleast I can say the past months were not completely useless, my grades were pretty good and they really matter in my last year of high school. I will now try to look ahead, although it seems to be a specialty of mine to return to think about past regrets.
  23. Another gaming free week. But consumed too much content again imo. Even though I‘m limiting my phone usage for the evenings, it‘s still too much. I also had a classtest this week and it didn‘t go that well, one of the main reasons being, that I startet learning way too late. (The day before). I now startet learning frequently again to avoid these stressful evenings. Still working on my discipline. Yesterday I watched the documentation „The Social dilemma“, which I can really recommend. Even though I already knew how social media and big companies are influencing our behavior, ( otherwise I wouldn‘t be here) this film really showed the scale at which the manipulation is happening and also the small storyline in the film portrayed my life more than I would have liked to. I wouldn‘t say it was an eye opener but it made me see the bigger picture and further extended my will to stay away from social media.
  24. Wow school has just startet this week and we are already preparing for a test Next week, last year of school is definitely going to be different. Always after school i feel really down and it really makes me want to relapse. But waiting it out for 3-4 hours usually helps me to get better thoughts. Don‘t really understand that, but I‘ll just do my best at avoiding any thoughts about gaming during that period, i mean i have relapsed like 20 times that way. I‘m also constantly tired now, i can get like 8h+ of sleep but every „productive“ task bores the crap out of me and I can barely keep my eyes open. Yesterday I made a study sheet which I forced myself to do.... I hope studying will be easier. Gym is also going pretty good , had an orthopedist which showed me how to correct my back, so I‘m working on that a bit more.
  25. Last week, I‘ve tried my hardest getting my schedeule of going to the gym back together and that worked fairly well. I have also startet to look for my options after my school ends (my parents also pushed me a little.) My first application for economic engineering is now out. Don‘t really know yet if I really want to do that but I‘m applying to many different universities now. So I can maybe choose in the end. When I had nothing to do I went outside and avoided sitting around . I really notice the effect on my posture that all the sitting and lying in bed for 8 years had on my posture, even going to the gym occasionally didn‘t counter that. Stabilizing my core is my big goal now. Besides that I‘m now getting my full focus on my last year of school, there has not been 1 year in the last 8 years where I learned without stress. Also doing my homework is a first for me. I‘m lucky that my grades last year were really good because the last 2 years of school + the final exam count for my graduation. Thank you for your reply @Amphibian220 Well for almost half of my live I sat in a dark room playing games / watching videos for atleast 10h a day. I have not have had many goals/ experiences outside of gaming. Looking back these 8 years I have not much to talk about. I do have these arverage dreams of becoming successful and happy. I‘d like that... But fear is big problem, I get anxiety pretty fast. Especially Social anxiety. Often I actually get sick when something is unclear or it‘s a new situation. I know that mostly it‘s all in my head but it really limits me to do many things. Thats mainly because of my lack of social live the last years and having not so good experiences with uncertain situations. I can‘t even imagine moving out to go to university right now. But in the hope that it gets better i‘ve applied anyways.
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