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Listen to Cam and James Discuss eSports In Episode 2 of Gaming the System!

FeatherHeather

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  1. Hi, I'm Heather, I'm 35 years old and a video game addict. I found this forum after being particularly disgusted with myself after spending almost an entire free Saturday playing Sims 4. I want to change. Giving myself a hard look back on my life, I have always had issues with gaming. Even from the days playing an NES when I was elementary school aged, I remember my mother fussing at me frequently to turn the game off and go outside. It became a bigger issue when the N64 came out. My mother owned a video and game rental store so I could play any game I wanted at almost any time. I remember spending an entire weekend hardly speaking to anyone being glued to Banjo Kazooie. I did play multiplayer games with friends, but I never had a lot of friends. In high school and college I remember struggling to balance getting my work done and gaming. All of my friends at the time were gamers. After college, I met my now ex husband who was NOT a gamer, so all of our social activities had nothing to do with gaming. I still played, but because he had no interest and I wanted to do things with him, I feel this was a time where I had a healthy balance in this aspect of my life. Fast forward to when my daughter was born, I was a stay at home mother with just not enough time to include games, and I was able to put the games down and hardly picked them up for about three years. Then my son was born. Then my marriage ended (infidelity on his part), and suddenly I am having to find a job and a place to live. The stress of impending divorce had me gaming again. It was just too much to face for me, however I feel this was more balanced than what I am doing now because I was still utilizing other methods of getting through that time: counseling, journaling, going out with my kids, spending time with family, and the logistics of needing to move took priority. That was three years ago. I am struggling a lot with not feeling like I am enough for my kids. They are older and less demanding, but they are now demanding in other ways. I feel drained, like this is never going to get better. I have an intense distrust of any man expressing interest in me while at the same time missing that kind of companionship. I still feel betrayed and upset about what my ex did. For the past few months, I have been immersed in the Sims 4. I think the idea I can play out a story that is in my head is the addicting part. I have spent most of my free time playing the game, frequently staying up late and being exhausted for work the next day. Yesterday is my one Saturday every month where my kids are with their dad, and I had a whole slew of things I needed to get done (mow the yard, clean, catch up on bills and filing, some shopping, etc). I did mow my yard, and I decided to play Sims while I was resting. That turned into me wasting the entire day at home playing the game and not getting anything else done. This cannot continue. I am my kids' primary parent, their dad is involved but only with what he "has" to do. He never wants to spend time with them outside of that and he has slowly been pulling back on the amount of time he spends with them which means I need to prepare myself for the possibility of doing this 100% on my own. Right now I am reformatting an old laptop so I can still access the internet but I can't play games on it. My daughter plays the Sims, mostly she enjoys making people, not so much playing the game. I hesitate to completely delete it only for that reason, but if I continue to struggle I am willing to do it. I'm new to all of this and intend to lurk and post more in the future.
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