BrassWolf

Day 16 It was hard to process/figure out why I felt irritable yesterday. Was it because I was trying to force myself to say yes to something I wanted to say no to? Was it because I didn't work out and ate a little more than I should? Was it because I have 7 more days before returning to work? The point is, I really couldn't pinpoint exactly why I felt the way I did. Highlights of the day were watching the Chef movie, which was really good and made me want to cook real meals. The motorcycle ride went really well. Did 25 miles on that and getting more of a feel for riding it every day. I'm glad there are some quiet roads to practice in around here.

Day 14 and 15 Recap This weekend has been a great weekend overall. Yesterday (Saturday) I continued cycling and reached 25 miles well above the pacing goals in terms of speed (averaging 17mph). I have 7 more weeks of preparation for the 100 mile cycling event and I am on a good pace for training. Again, when work starts up again it will be important to keep this progress going and finding ways to work around the schedule to fit these rides in. Upon getting home I spent some time watching Spiderman: Into the Spiderverse which, aside from the "Stylized motion" making it hard to watch sometimes, was a good story. Got caught up on some house work, reading, and learning more Spanish and practicing piano - again, keeping these habits in development. My husband brought the motorcycle home and we went on a ride to his parents house where we had dinner. Afterwards I really should have said that I was feeling tired and wanted to head home but I pushed passed my mental limit and went into a busy parking lot so they could all get ice cream. On the way out I almost layed my motorcycle down due to me not straightening the wheel when stopping. I was determined to not let it fall, so I lifted it back up right, breathed deep and continued moving on. After a nice relaxing evening we entered Sunday and we went for a longer ride. Today I really developed my ability to up-shift and understand those mechanics a little more fluidly. We had lunch with his family and then went home for a little. Unfortunately our friend bailed on us again (he has some significant mental health issues so I am no longer surprised when he texts us hours later saying he just woke up. I keep reaching out asking how we could help, but I think the ball is in his court. I'll still offer and be virtuous). We went back to his parent's house for dinner and played Settlers of Catan after having delicious French dip sandwich mi esposo made. Delicioso! Had a good practice in handling negativity because everyone kept targeting me in the board game because I was doing well and they were complaining about what is going on and I kept saying "Part of the game, just have to adapt now." Was fun regardless but it took a long time to complete. Just rode the bike home in the dark for the first time and that went fine after I figured out where my blinkers were by feel, without being able to glance down to see them. Needless to say the horn works! Going to relax with a book here and get ready for our busy morning of chores tomorrow and probably more motorcycle riding! Have a fantastic evening, Kris

Keep up the great progress man! What kinds of things are you doing for healthy meals and work outs?

Days on this journey: 13 I have almost hit the two week mark and what it is I am doing right now has definitely become more of a habit then something different. I've noticed that I am more willing to jump into social situations because I'd rather be involved in those than stay at home so those have kept me busy. Aside from returning to some of the hobbies I was unable to partake in over the last two days (Learning Spanish, reading, and playing piano) I went on to the motorcycle dealership to test out the bike I was 95% sure I was going to buy today walking into it. I had watched a few videos about it and that re-affirmed me that this was a good choice for me and, after taking it for a test ride on their side-street, I instantly fell in love with the motorcycle. Needless to say, I now own a barely used Kawasaki NInja. The dealership was kind enough to let the bike sit in their store while I sorted out some extra space for storage at our home. Alot of the new habits I am trying to build are starting to move from the "conscious competence" to "unconscious competence" area so I do notice that, in some ways, there is less to write. Do you ever notice that, as humans we have an easier time writing about our challenges and struggles. We can fill books about those and how we've overcome adversity, but when our mindsets grow and we are able to adapt to that adversity with a little more flexibility and grit, I find it harder to write. It's like when I give feedback to people. I can advise on so many things, but the compliments seem to be harder to elaborate sometimes. Just a random side thought for now. Tomorrow will be a good day as I continue with my 2nd long ride out of the 8 preparatory long rides I want to complete before my 100 mile bicycle race. I'll move from that to my enrichment hobbies and getting some things picked up in the house before getting the motorcycle home and testing that out a bit more on the roads around here. Have a great evening! -Kris

Agreed, @fawn_xoxo , it is part of the stoic practice called premeditatio malorum (Meaning "The Pre-Meditation of Evils.") We are always going to be met with adversity and challenge each and every day, and it is best to continue preparing for the possibilities. I find it harder some days, and easier on others (in terms of emotional commitment) but I always think about what I can do to adapt to the environment and what it is I am in control of.

Days Without Games: 11 and 12 Days Without Internet Addiction of Any Kind: 11 and 12 Last Two Days The two of us were taking a motorcycle course over the last two days. The journey was absolutely incredible. In the last decade every time I attempted to operate a vehicle with a manual transmission it ended in some pretty big failures, and the old version of me would get super upset and let them overtake and I would just give up. During the class, first exercise on the motorcycle was to just get it moving. The problem was, I kept stalling it because I was popping out the clutch and I still struggled with that for a while. After some feedback from the instructor and noticing every other student getting the "power walk" I acknowledged that old emotion of "Oh shit!" I stopped the negativity right then and there, stayed neutral, and focused on what the instructor was telling me about getting it started. Eventually I got it enough to where I could get the bike moving but still popped it and stalled a bunch more times, especially when I got fatigued. The "harder" stuff was way easier but getting the bike moving in the first place continued to be a challenge. Over the first night I watched a few videos and my partner showed me some things about just how the manuals and clutches worked, and it clicked. "OH! You can get going from the clutch power alone if you give it enough gas and let the revs do the work!" "OH! If I go about half-way, I can play around with how much power is being used!" Today, Day 2, went SO much smoother and it felt great to be able to start off smoothly and stall at least 90% less. Took the skills test at the end of the morning and the written right after and passed both. Needless to say, we both have our motorcycle endorsements and I've been looking at different bikes all day. Will go out to test ride some of them tomorrow to figure out what kind of power I want to look at in terms of a starter bike! I feel like I have to force the bit about playing video games right now. Like, talking about them doesn't have quite the same pull. I don't even think about scheduling them, streaming, or "practicing a game" into it. I keep thinking about all of these new hobbies and how I now have something to talk about with my clients and inspire other people around me about when they ask me "How has your summer been" I have such a big list of things that have been amazing. I will continue this detoxing process. It will be interesting to see how this mindset plays out during the school year which begins again in less than two weeks now. For now, I'm pretty tired and need to do some restful activities. As always, thank you for listening and, whoever you are, I believe in you and your journey as well. We are all on the same path, together. We go about it in our own way, but we can do this! -Kris

Days on the Path: 10 Late Post so I'll make it quick. Yesterday was great. Arranged to have lunch with a couple of friends so we chatted and played some board games before I headed to teach my music lessons. Getting home made dinner, went shopping, and got super angry in the middle of driving home from the store. Basically went to bed saying "Fine, emotions, you win this evening but I'll be damned if I let you win the war!" Here we are in the morning. Combination of excited and slightly under-confident about going to the first day of motorcycle class. I'll be fine and it will be great, just working on using the mornings to mentally prepare more. Bigger Post Tonight! -Kris

Just a side note -- I am not trying to make a villain of the corporations or business. They aren't doing what they are doing due to some inherent evil. All people are trying to improve themselves and sometimes the scope of their influence doesn't always reach everyone in the best ways. This doesn't mean that, for instance, Disney's plan is to simply squeeze more money out of people. It could very well be a way to provide more entertainment to people who genuinely do enjoy their product. Again, you can dig this topic into a hole as deep as you want it to. I am choosing to believe that while there is evil and malice in the world, that isn't always the intent of the people committing those acts. The very side we think is evil thinks the same about us in return. This puts a stop to this part of the conversation so that we can return to the focus of this journal -- the larger journey of self-improvement, fulfillment and the pursuit of 90 days without video games! Regularly scheduled post this evening!

dos tazas de cafe! We are human and for many people to take on every single habit change there is in the world you are going to find out what your priorities are real quick by which habits slip. When one of the new habits (or two/three depending on your support network and will power levels) becomes automatic, then work on the next area of improvement. If you are really focused on no games, push ups, and no fap then I'd say having as much success as you are having on the food front is very human and quite good at that! Keep it up!

Before reading the below reply, type out the answer to this question: What are your thoughts @kwshake -------------------------------------- https://www.businessinsider.com/fortnite-addictive-epic-games-parliament-prince-harry-2019-6 There are a few articles about them and EA going in front of governments and claiming ignorance for addiction, how many people are involved, how many hours their clients play, etc. It's really hard to tell if they just want to make a game for people to enjoy or to gain as much money possible. I mean, my students tell me that, on this free game, one dance is 8 US Dollars. I'm like "Check me out. I danced for free!" In my personal philosophy I see capitalism in alot of what companies try to do. I feel like the people who are making things out of the purest passion are those who are kick starting their own things, not these big names that, in some cases, have become too big for their britches in my book. However, given that, the person who contacted you, even if they were just giving you a form letter and adding your name to it, really is just communicating your options with you and there are words to try and convince you to take one option over the other. I had a similar issue when I started the process to remove my own Twitch Account. There was no button, I had to go through an overly-complicated set of E-Mail hoops. Good luck! -Kris

Thanks for the offer! I'll definitely take you up on it if I can think of a way : )

In my opinion, it's a business trying to keep a customer.

Days Without Games: Nine Days Without Internet Addiction of Any Kind: Nine Morning This morning I woke up a little earlier and took care of eating breakfast and going through today's stoic wisdom which addresses anger. I'll arrive at that later on today. After this I spent some time reading before we had some lunch together and watched another episode of The Chef Show. I am definitely finding more inspiration in the books I am reading, shows we are watching, and the people that are around me. Afternoon After spending some time looking at motorcycles we went up to another town to check out some so that I could get a feel for what it is to sit down in one and ask the important questions in figuring out what I am looking for in the one I purchase. After this we hit Barnes & Noble and moved back home, which involved an hour of traffic. Since my stomach was acting up I was definitely not always handling the major traffic in the calmest way. Internally I knew I wanted to be able to accept it and be calm about it, but it took at least 20 minutes for me to get there. Evening After finally returning home I sat down to do a little more reading and catch up on some business messages as well as connecting with a colleague from another state that will be sending me some resources on drumming for me to look at for my students this next school year (which is 3 weeks away!) I also spent some time talking with my parents which was good to connect with them over the phone and have as good a conversation as we could have given we both had to repeat every third sentence three times. We prepared dinner and ate outside which was a nice change. I took care of the cleaning while he is working on his motorcycle, installing his light. Now I am sitting down to write this journal before getting involved in practicing my Spanish and Piano and maybe even read some more (the book I am on is just that good!) General Reflection Today starting with the Daily Stoic E-Mail about anger and how we don't need it. They linked https://gen.medium.com/if-youre-angry-you-re-part-of-the-problem-not-the-solution-d50a74b119cb as a supplemental reading which I found to be powerful. Imagine having to look at yourself in a mirror when you are angry. Imagine someone recording you banging your control or making an aggravated sound at a video game or other little problem and how ridiculous it would seem to see someone else do that, let alone yourself. I absolutely loved this article because it mirrors so much of what I already believe about this life. Each side of the argument is making a villain of the other side as if not believing in what you believe to a T is justification to be angry at someone else and to call them evil. Truth is objective in so many things and to fill the world with hate towards someone else instead of having a rational, adult debate seems to not only be rare to find, but falling out of fashion for more empowerment towards 'being angry.' I pride myself on the fact that I have friends whom I disagree with on some issues, and I have to say that I see beyond that and I still see a person I like sharing experiences with and, at the end of the day, I know these people would have my back just as I would have their back because we are good friends and that is how we adults do things! I got angry at the accident that caused the hour delay heading home today, and it took me 20 minutes to accept that we were going to go slowly for a while. Sometimes problems seem so big but I kept breathing and reminding myself that the issue will pass and it won't matter later or tomorrow anyway. So instead of continuing to hold on to the feeling of injustice, I let it pass. I acknowledged it in the end and gave it less power by the end and we continued having our usual conversation on the way home. Game Front On the game front, it definitely feels more like a choice now than a natural habit to go and pick up a controller. There isn't much of a pull to play the games and I'm even starting to identify issues in some media as well. I am a big fan of Marvel up to this point, but seeing the line up for Phase IV made me realize that in order to really enjoy the next Phase to the fullest extent, I'd have to give in to Disney's demand for more money by paying for another streaming service to see what could be important stories. I feel like Spiderman - Far-From-Home did a nice job summing up the story up to this point that I have come to love. I'll maybe see the movies I want to but in terms of giving in to what I feel is a business move to increase profits, I am not going to participate in Phase IV. Then again, don't video games try to rope you into things like this too? Have a great night and a fantastic rest of the week! Don't just let it happen by accident, make it so! -Kris

Days Without Games: Eight Days Without Internet Addiction of Any Kind: Eight Morning This morning I went through the morning routine and we went out on a motorcycle ride in our area. My body was definitely sore from the 6 days of physical activity without a rest day so I was not being the best passenger on the bike, haha! It was a good time and a beautiful morning at that! We had an early lunch and decided to start watching The Chef Show on Netflix. Whenever we go to hotels I enjoy having cooking shows on so it was nice to finally do that at home for once. Afternoon We spent our afternoon taking care of our "homework" in the form of a 3-hour online e-course for the motorcycle course we are going to be taking later on this week. Each section was narrated so we were unable to move on to the next page until the narration was complete, and each module had a quiz attached. I took a break by practicing Spanish on Duolingo and we went to get some drinks (almost as if we were going to celebrate completing that tedious course together!) A friend messaged me on discord after I finished and they themselves noticed the negative patterns developing in their life and asked me about fitness and quitting games (Why the 90 days). It honestly feels good to be giving to other people around me. I will come back to this thought later. Evening After getting dinner we sat down and started the third season of Stranger Things and definitely noticed they upped their production value and gore factor quite a bit over the previous seasons! We watched a few more episodes of The Chef Show which was great. It was really inspiring to see them travel and talk with other peoples through the different kinds of food and the raw joy and passion shared by everyone involved. I always enjoy seeing people in their element with each other. Afterwards we talked about a few things and I am now officially going to be signing up for a 100 mile bicycle ride to take place in mid-September and informed my colleague that I would be interested in covering some music theory classes over the next few week for a high school music and arts organization in another town. We will see if the latter comes to fruition given that I can only commit to most of the days they need a guest to take over. General Reflection I am going to scrap the Good, Better, Best section from now on as I find it to not be useful. I internalize that so much that writing it out is more for other people's benefits really. Speaking of benefiting other people, I have been thinking about that idea of giving and it came from a tweet I saw on my professional network. I believe that, for a long time, we rely completely on our support network and being on the shoulders of giants in our lives. However, there does come a time where we need to start adding people to our own shoulders and carrying other people as well, and I feel that time has come for me. In those moments where I am sharing my fitness, eating habits, progress on hobbies and relationships based on reality around me and not the virtual world, I feel like I am ultimately trying to give. I would be lying if I told you there was 0 vanity in there. I know there must be a part of me that enjoys talking about myself (why else do people become teachers?!) (joking..!) But I really do appreciate getting the opportunity to be honest and vulnerable and impact the world around me, just as the stoic wisdom is teaching me. I had one gamer friend applaud me for this journey but then say what I was doing was scary because reality sucks. I replied and told him "Well, I've been to your house, and we both know that is because you live in that town! The world is actually full of potential and wonder, and it's up to us to not let other people's shitty behavior be the guiding force of the world, but to counter that with our choices. We need each other, and none of us are better than the other!" Have a great night and a fantastic week! -Kris Thanks for listening!  Kris 

I like the idea of a club and haven't thought of that solution yet! Thanks for the empowerment!

Welcome Kyle and best of luck on the journey. Respawn has alot of great strategies to embrace and definitely apply it to your situation as you see fit! If you need anything to feel supported there is me and there are plenty of people around here that are very willing to help step in, listen, and support! -Kris

If you desire to change that habit then start in the middle of this process. Identify the "bad" habit. 2. Checking and Playing Destiny on my PS4 once a week. Then you want to think of the habit changer in this way. Make sure the new habit is something you can do QUICKLY (60 seconds or less) Any longer and it will become much more difficult to do. 1. When this happens ______________________________ 2 Instead of Checking in and playing Destiny on my PS4 3. I will ________________________________ Good luck!

I just realized that the counter for 100 push ups a day isn't how many push ups out of a hundred you've achieved, but how many days you have done 100 push ups! Excellent feats at the end there. With me having, in the past, given priority to gaming I'd have this ever going list of books to read. I'd keep buying them because I was genuinely interested in reading them but gaming would happen first, especially the streaming/speedrunning. I've read so much in the last week and it feels absolutely great. I'm glad you found that hobby as well. Good to not have the blue light from the screens before bed! Keep up the great progress and I'm glad I was able to give you some ideas to try out!

Thanks for the bit of additional perspective there. Whenever I like the music from a game I can picture the character art, but as far as gameplay I don't feel like it pulls me to want to play the game. Sometimes I'll imagine the level it came from, but again, I feel like the urge to play the game is much weaker than it was this time last week. I already find fulfillment in these new (but old) activities. When it comes to music, practicing still feels weird for me cognitively. Learning to play piano again is fabulous, but today I spent an hour learning about 30 seconds of a song. That's 120 times the length. While this is perfectly normal for challenging sections, I wonder how "normal" it is overall. That repetition. Bit of an overthink, maybe. Hopefully that makes some sense. Thanks for the thoughts!

Days Without Games: Seven Days Without Internet Addiction of Any Kind: Seven Morning This morning I went out for my distance bicycle ride and finished 21 miles in 1 hour and 35 minutes, well within the range for the goal of going 20-25 miles and had an appropriate pace for this part in my training. I am looking at doing a century bicycle ride as my bike goal and am thinking of signing up for a ride that is raising money for people who are in rehabilitation from traumatic brain and spine injuries. After burning all of those calories I had an early lunch and... Afternoon headed to a local park to listen to my father-in-law and his band play. I was more focused on the aspect of going that involved supporting someone in my life and didn't really have my musician's judgement glasses on, except for all of the times his band mates would stop to do things and break the flow. One of his band mates was very particular about the sound levels. I can understand why my father-in-law is frustrated. Still, he appreciated me coming out to listen, especially given that he was performing so close! I went home after a few hours and practice more Croatian Rhapsody on piano and the learning strategies are working well for this difficult spot in the song that I never got passed... until now! It's good to know the advice I give my own piano students is valuable to me too! After that I read some books and announced to everyone in my discord community that I am taking this detox journey. I encouraged the people who subscribed to me to find better ways to spend their money than a subscription to my channel. The support was overwhelmingly positive, so it's good to know that there are people in my gaming life that can see passed games and be behind me in this. I've literally not received any negative remarks about this journey. The important thing to me about this journey is that it is my journey and I felt it is important to undertake it for myself. I do not pass judgement on people who are not taking this journey or are playing video games. This is just part of my overall philosophy that it's critical and healthy to have friends with different opinions. We can still respect the hell out of each other and have a great time! Evening We went to the range afterwards and I forced myself to practice off-hand, no matter how "off" it was. Going to get back into reading about that and doing some practice drills at home before the next time we go back. Good - What did you do that was good today? Today I supported a family member and made them feel special and important. Today I apologized for an over-reaction to a simple issue that was hard for me to deal with because I had just woken up and wasn't mentally awake. Better - What can I improve? I can improve the balance in my life and realize that life is full of ups and downs and we can take the ups with the downs and vice versa. None of them are world ending and so while it may feel noble to take on this detox journey, it's important to remember that each and every one of us is connected in that we are all human and we are a star amongst other stars. What we do may feel important to us, but in the grand scheme of life, is not as important as we think. This isn't to be a pessimist, but it is to put all of our hardships and everything in perspective. It most certainly is not a reason to not try hard. We must do our best to fulfill our lives and make an impact on our world! That is what these thoughts are about and improving that overall perspective that goes beyond just ourselves. Best - What do I need to do to be the best version of myself Some days I feel like this question is the same as the one above, but I know it isn't. The best version of me will be able to balance all the factors of life in a meaningful way. I need to continue taking this journey and accepting all the parts of it in order to become that best version of myself. Thanks for listening!  Kris 

“I now believe true strength is found in vulnerability, and forgiveness in love. There is a beautiful upside-down truth which is that these moments of purest strength appear as weakness to those who do not know better. For a long time, I didn’t know better either. I asked you and your bother to reject history as a narrative of strength and instead have faith that it can be a narrative of love.” -- King Harrow, The Dragon Prince RB1, The path we are laying out for ourselves isn't always clear, but to be as vulnerable as you were just now is a sign of strength. What is the most challenging thing here, for you?

Days Without Games: Six Days Without Internet Addiction of Any Kind: Six Morning This morning I continued my usual routine and went down to teach one of my horn students. Been using the coaching advice from the book I just finished called The Coaching Habit and I feel like i'm continuing to have more impactful and deeper connecting coaching sessions with my students. The student was telling me, afterwards, about her ideas for the future and it was inspiring to hear that. In spite of all of my progress, I decided to TREAT YO' SELF to a Monster Energy Drink. I don't need it but sometimes I feel it is important to make mistakes on purpose! After getting home my father-in-law was kind enough to come on by and help me remove some trash and an unused couch. We spent some time chatting while we cut it down and had lunch together before I got home. Afternoon The afternoon was really nice. I connected with my piano a lot more today, scrapping the Bach Fugue (for now) and moving on to actually finishing this piece of music my Maksim MrVica (Composed by Tonci Huljic) -- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7DKBKZ8Cxeo I read more books and continued living the self-enrichment life! Evening We watches some of Gabriel Iglesia's comedy and worked on his motrocycle a whole lot tonight! Going to skip my Good, Better, Best for tonight due to time. As you can see, we had a hard conversation last night but now everything is out in the open and we are going to get better from it. @fawn_xoxo thank you for listening and I am glad you are getting something from reading these journals! I honestly exposed myself to some game things today (news) and I didn't feel the urge to play necessarily. I felt nostalgia for the characters and stories they are involved in for sure. I definitely have been wanting to learn some game music but am conflicted as I am unsure if that will help with the detoxing process (especially in terms of reversing the physical changes that may have occurred from speedrunning and streaming specifically). Have a great night and Thanks for listening!  Kris 

https://twitter.com/KaniDayOfficial/status/1078721834122706944/photo/1 This is the tweet that started that process for me on self-talk! Message me if you need someone to talk with about that aspect! Congrats on the continued growth on your goals like eating better, push ups, no fap. It literally is a roller coaster and growth will have some downs. HOWEVER, you came up from that down this time and kept moving forward despite it. That is an awesome accomplishment NannerZ!

The fact that there is that much to post about work and everything is definitely a testament to the amount of busy you are experiencing at work and as you continue to find a new pathway. Keep doing your best and some match will come up for you! It's definitely easy to rationalize why an idea that is bad for us can be okay, and humans have that knack for rationalizing anything. Excellent job sticking true to the 90-day detox. Getting to explore those old things (which inevitably come new again in the process!) Good luck exploring the creative side when you are ready and enjoy that road trip! You earned it after fixing those things on your own!

One thing to remember is that your best is always going to fluctuate hour to hour. I notice for myself that when I am fighting an illness the ceiling for how high my best can go is lowered. I used to be angry with that but eventually learned to accept that I am doing my best given the circumstances!!! The important thing right now is to be okay with that and let go of that negative self-talk. I tell my brain that we don't talk to ourselves that way when I was talking down on myself a lot! Just a few thoughts. You got this! Never Give Up!