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goodvibes

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    What the hell happened to my passion?

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    Thanks for sharing your story Morgan that was certainly more fuel to the affirmation that our lives are best spent creating rather than consuming. I definitely identify with that passion - if I am not doing the best I can do day to day I feel like :70_poop: It is good you found your way out again!!  Having done the detox multiple times I don't know if this will have any information you don't already know but here is also a formal Newcomer welcome link for your review.

    Best Wishes,
    Neil

    A Welcoming Statement for Newcomers

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted · Edited by goodvibes
    Updated!

    I would first like to say I am happy if any Gamequitter member decides to share, or take & use the information here!

    For your reference to help along the way here is ..
    A welcoming statement :230_hatched_chick:
    In preparation for a 90 day detox and beyond ..
    First move the consoles & games out of sight so it stays out of mind ..
    This includes uninstalling them from the computer & devices! ..
    Once it is done you can move on from there & a lot easier I might add.
    Getting rid of the games for good enabled me to finish the detox strong, consider that.
    After that you need to teach yourself how else to spend that free time!
    Make sure you are eating healthy, getting daily exercise, & proper sleep ..
    NUTRITION - big minefield of controversy I personally am behind a plant-based diet ..
    This upcoming documentary backed by Producers Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jackie Chan ..
    Check it out ✌️ I won't respond in forum to this topic but you are welcome to message me ..
    Find some hobbies to replace the time gained ..
    https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/
    Start some kind of journal with pen & paper, online here, or both! ..
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/3160-guidelines-templates
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/forum/11-daily-journals/
    Do consider checking out the Respawn program offered here as well ..
    For what little cost think about that return on investment! ..
    Cross-examine other areas in your life you find consuming your time ..
    Excessive consumption is what leads to the time crippling addictions ..
    Replace such excessive consumerism by using your free time to create.
    Our one life, the time that we have is meant for so much more than feeding addictions ..
    You might not identify as an addict and that is fine ..
    If you are here for any reason to quit video games that is still a benefit to you❗
    Thank you for signing up and joining our united cause to make the most of our time --
    Give this your best and I am sure you will do well :93_punch:
    Welcome to the forums!!

    Neil,  Ex-Gamer Addict,  Gamequitters Member :1602_bicyclist_tone3:
    Direct Message Me,  Discord Support Chat
    Article: How To Quit Playing Video Games :1517_runner_tone3:
    Article: Four Reasons We Played Video Games
    Article: Alternative Activities By Game Genre :1582_surfer_tone3:
    Article: Why You Should Detox
    Find a Video Game Addiction Therapist :1512_walking_tone3:
    Download A Gamequitters Podcast
    Read A Gamequitters Blog ?

    • Like 1

    Gonna try again

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    A welcoming statement :230_hatched_chick:
    First move the consoles & games out of sight so it stays out of mind ..
    This includes uninstalling them from the computer & devices! ..
    Once it is done you can move on from there & a lot easier I might add.
    After that you need to teach yourself how else to spend that free time!
    Make sure you are eating healthy, getting daily exercise, & proper sleep ..
    Then for starters find some hobbies to replace the time gained ..
    https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/
    Start some kind of journal with pen & paper, online here, or both! ..
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/3160-guidelines-templates
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/forum/11-daily-journals/
    Cross-examine other areas in your life you find consuming your time ..
    Excessive consumption is what leads to the time crippling addictions ..
    Replace such excessive consumerism by using your free time to create.
    Our one life, the time that we have is meant for so much more than feeding addictions.
    Thank you for your interest to quit video games ..
    Perhaps such bold action will inspire others to great deeds as well =)
    Welcome to the forums!!

    Neil,  Ex-Gamer Addict,  Gamequitters Member
    Profile,  Direct Message,  Emergency Support Chat

    Hello!

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    A welcoming statement :230_hatched_chick:
    Start some kind of journal with pen & paper, online here, or both! ..
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/3160-guidelines-templates
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/forum/11-daily-journals/
    Cross-examine other areas in your life you find consuming your time ..
    Excessive consumption is what leads to the time crippling addictions ..
    Replace such excessive consumerism by using your free time to create.
    Our one life, the time that we have is meant for so much more than feeding addictions.
    Thank you for your interest to quit video games ..
    Perhaps such bold action will inspire others to great deeds as well =)
    Welcome to the forums!!

    Neil,  Ex-Gamer Addict,  Gamequitters Member
    Profile,  Direct Message,  Emergency Support

    Jordan Schwartz Introduction

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    A welcoming statement :230_hatched_chick:
    First move the consoles & games out of sight so it stays out of mind ..
    This includes uninstalling them from the computer & devices! ..
    Once it is done you can move on from there & a lot easier I might add.
    After that you need to teach yourself how else to spend that free time!
    Make sure you are eating healthy, getting daily exercise, & proper sleep ..
    Then for starters find some hobbies to replace the time gained ..
    https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/
    Start some kind of journal with pen & paper, online here, or both! ..
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/3160-guidelines-templates
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/forum/11-daily-journals/
    Cross-examine other areas in your life you find consuming your time ..
    Excessive consumption is what leads to the time crippling addictions ..
    Replace such excessive consumerism by using your free time to create.
    Our one life, the time that we have is meant for so much more than feeding addictions.
    Thank you for your interest to quit video games ..
    Perhaps such bold action will inspire others to great deeds as well =)
    Welcome to the forums!!

    Neil,  Ex-Gamer Addict,  Gamequitters Member
    Profile,  Direct Message,  Emergency Support

    Introduction- Connor: My Life Long Struggle With Video Game Addiction

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    I certainly relate to the fight with a life-long gaming addiction and it does not serve our interests for us to thrive .. occupying our time where so much more could have been, what can be .. Congratulations on your decision to put the controller down, we are glad you have!!

    A welcoming statement :230_hatched_chick:
    First move the consoles & games out of sight so it stays out of mind ..
    This includes uninstalling them from the computer & devices! ..
    Once it is done you can move on from there & a lot easier I might add.
    After that you need to teach yourself how else to spend that free time!
    Make sure you are eating healthy, getting daily exercise, & proper sleep ..
    Then for starters find some hobbies to replace the time gained ..
    https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/
    Start some kind of journal with pen & paper, online here, or both! ..
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/topic/3160-guidelines-templates
    https://forum.gamequitters.com/index.php?/forum/11-daily-journals/
    Cross-examine other areas in your life you find consuming your time ..
    Excessive consumption is what leads to the time crippling addictions ..
    Replace such excessive consumerism by using your free time to create.
    Our one life, the time that we have is meant for so much more than feeding addictions.
    Thank you for your interest to quit video games ..
    Perhaps such bold action will inspire others to great deeds as well =)
    Welcome to the forums!!

    Neil,  Ex-Gamer Addict,  Gamequitters Member
    Profile,  Direct Message, Emergency Support

    Dear Diary...

    in Daily Journals

    Posted · Edited by goodvibes
    @BooksandTrees

    @BooksandTrees 
    Good going happy to hear - good to get settled in!

    Yeah the video streaming is huge for me as there becomes so much available content I want to review & digest, taming my time online and on the computer are some of the biggest immediate challenges I am beginning to tackle. It is easy to become enmeshed with the endless digital sea of content but that is totally wrong. 

    I wanted to delete the Chrome browser the other day for all the bookmarks I have that help me "stay productive" online but that's really the problem for me because it keeps me "staying" at my computer, like a brain addicted zombie. I am taking this moment right now to write down my top websites (such as forum.gamequitters.com !!) so I maintain some semblance of priority for my business online. I will delete all of my bookmarks and limit Chrome's number of browser tabs to one with Xtab extension. 

    While I could use a browser without tabbed interface I still use Chrome extensions to block Adult websites to help maintain sobriety with my pornography addiction. For now I will be happy to delete the bookmarks and remove the bookmark bar completely. While I have no important business throughout the week I can unplug the Wifi, I am totally going for it!

    • Like 1

    A collection of thoughts.

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    @NannerZ  Np. Making the move away from video games is also reducing how much we numb our thoughts, feelings, and living life in general so I do think that is natural to have a difficult time discovering what is truly bringing you happiness.

    I cannot say I am yet completely free from addressing my long rooted codependency issues but I can say without a doubt I have come a long way these last 6 years. My own journey away from codependency began first before counseling, before I knew what it was to be codependent - circumstance I had created made me unwelcome in the company of a long time friend. TLDR separation & detachment was what helped me the most to break away. Melody Beattie's Codependent No More book has a section on detachment among other basics of self-care when it comes to Codependency -- highly recommend if you see it at the library or decide to pick up the book, just check it out.

    There was this friend I had for a long time, he maintained a large social circle that he kept me in - none of that changed the fact that I continued to meet those awesome people only because of my connection with this friend I had maintained for more than 20 years .. definitely a sense of dependency that was hard to shake. Spending all the time I did with him and his circle of friends did not make me any more of a social animal, in fact it made me all the more dependent on him for guidance & direction. I was living my life constantly under his shadow as since we were children.

    Once I had got old enough to buy alcohol while he was not, I was the one he would use to get alcohol - I was not bitter because this was my first experience with alcohol. Once we both were of age, I was the one he would use to drive home from the bars - I was not bitter because he would get so drunk I knew if I did not stay somewhat sober there would be no way home. When I would meet more girls, he would waste no time to get to know them more before me - I would not be bitter about this because of all the people he had introduced me to though never actually did that lead to anything much memorable or lasting.

    Towards the end of our friendship his circle of friends was still large but the company was more routine, less arbitrary because he was dating. Those friends of his would be more inclusive with me too, it was certainly out of pity because they always had their date partner while I did not - I was just there still trying to live under his wing. Well his girlfriend would do dumb things when she got drunk to flirt with me and eventually started to flirt more without the alcohol. Combined with that and the bitterness I had suppressed through the years had me doing dumb things to flirt with her when I was drunk, then sober.

    Then comes the group ostracism when she makes me out to be some kind of pervert though I did had a big porn addiction back then so not far off the mark tbh. So that became a bit of a forced separation from a lot of people I had all over time become dependent upon for my happiness. I moved out, they moved away, my birthday came around and him & his crowd of friends happened to be at the same place. I just wanted to drown myself in beer & hookah smoke not tears. I was a wreck so I had to leave, I probably went to sleep in the back of my parked car at the casino parking garage. They had got all the more committed and married a few months later which I was painstakingly invited to participate in.

    From here stress from that and work was piling up then I get this outrageous price hike on my energy bill and the stress actually induced chest pain. I got myself checked out and doctor said no heart attack and is likely stress, "what's going on? A lot? Here is a referral to a mental health professional, go schedule an appointment." So I did and she helped a lot. First she assessed my self-esteem which was terrible (had been for a long time), then she began looking for the root cause of that, then she recommends I read Beatie's Codependent No More so we could later talk about that more, then she introduces me to 12 step programs I might find an interest in - she wanted me to pick one and go to meetings face to face or online and that's really where I started to find more and more motivation where I would understand my Codependent roots more thoroughly and find ways to unroot, to detach.

    Here and there I find one more rooted behavior I had overlooked in the past but once you see it, you can't unsee it, but you can work on it - on yourself that is not others, find alternative actions that will help make you a happier person, change it. That's my story there in a nutshell you might not relate to much of it but you might to some. Even so you are welcome to say as much & think your own thoughts - we are all different but we are either numbing the problems or trying to do our best with what we have. It has been years since I gave that full topic a look at and I feel better for it, thanks for hearing me out.

    Neil

    • Like 1

    A collection of thoughts.

    in Daily Journals

    Posted · Edited by goodvibes
    @NannerZ

    12 hours ago, NannerZ said:

    My life is so unfulfilling. I think today I realized how dangerous it is when you assign your happiness to another person instead of yourself. Lately the only thing that makes me happy is talking to Tiffani at work.

    @NannerZ
    Letting circumstances of others determine your worth gives them inappropriate control and power.  For reference, this comes from the same workbook mentioned above by Glenn, Chapter 4 - The Basics of Human Worth. Worth as a person is independent of externals.

    I found many years ago I myself was giving other people in my life that inappropriate control and power - most often it was the people closest to me. Over time this creates an enmeshed dependency on others called codependency, with the help of a psychologist I had identified myself as a codependent. You can call it psychological jargon but there is a lot of people you can find explaining it more while breaking free from its hold - notably 12 step program main texts/books/workbooks/forums/chat rooms of Al-Anon, CoDA, & ACoA as well as Melody Beattie's book Codependent No More and the Codependent No More Workbook. I took from these what I related to and left the rest and I honestly still do time to time to keep myself in check.

    You might not identify with all it all and that's okay we are all different with our own problems to overcome but someday your dark road might bring you back to here again so for that reason alone to me was enough to post this share. You have found some catalyst for change by quitting video games so don't despair - I think there may be hope for you yet =)

    Neil

    • Like 3

    A collection of thoughts.

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    9 hours ago, NannerZ said:

    You're right. Maybe I'm overthinking this? She makes me so nervous. I think everything I say to her sounds so stupid.

    I believe self-esteem work would be a benefit to you here particularly by reprogramming automatic thoughts like "I think everything I say to her sounds so stupid." For reference I actually just began working my own automatic thoughts last night in "The Self Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi, Ph.D." published by New Harbinger Publications.

    To break it down there are distorted, unreasonably negative automatic thoughts that fall into 13 categories as Glenn puts it. For example overgeneralizing with global statements "I think everything I say" is being unkind to yourself & is usually inaccurate to some degree. Avoid the labels, all or nothing thinking .. don't dwell on the negative.

    A simple exercise to reprogram such thoughts is to maintain a Thought Record to replace the negative automatic thoughts. While there is a Thought Record exercise in the book I referenced you can also find one here at this link that is quite similar. For example instead of thinking "I think everything I say to her sounds so stupid" you could write down something that gives you more of a break like "Sometimes I can say the darnedest things." I will quote the recommended alternative to overgeneralizing here below & leave it at that!
     

    Quote

    The antidote is to use more precise language: "Some of my skills are not yet well developed"; "I'm not as tactful in some social situations as I'd like"; "Sometimes people don't approve of me (sometimes some people do)"; "Although some aspects of my life haven't gone well, that doesn't mean I never do reasonably well." Be a healthy optimist: expect to find small ways to improve situations and notice what's going well.

     

    • Like 3

    Hello!

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted

    First move the consoles & games out of sight so it stays out of mind - this includes uninstalling them from the computer & devices! Once it is done you can move on from there & a lot easier I might add. After that you need to teach yourself how else to spend that free time! Make sure you are eating healthy, getting daily exercise, & proper sleep then for starters find some hobbies =)
    https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/

    Welcome to the forums alf1035 - just buckle down & give it your all you will not regret it!

    • Like 1

    Dear Diary...

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    Big day then plenty of sleep & best of luck!  I will have to share some of the strategies with you soon that helped keep my mind out of the gutter when I began removing the porn.

    • Like 1

    Dear Diary...

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    15 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

    I'm 35 weeks free of gaming today. What a great feeling. I'm very proud of myself for my progress and ability to heal. I never crave games anymore. It's been over 30 weeks since my last desire to play a game. 

    I really hope I can do this with porn. I'm having such a difficult time quitting. The fact is I don't really want to quit porn. I love seeing different women and think it's amazing. The issue is I also hate what it's doing to me. I know it's fake, shallow, and bad for relationships. I just have a lot of fun watching. But I also know it's hurting my dating life and desire to date. Right now I'd rather just watch porn and have friends who are women. After the bad relationships I've been a part of and seen in my life it makes sense that I'd be avoiding them. I really don't want to deal with another person's emotional insecurities and issues. I don't feel like committing myself to someone who I know is going to hurt me. Why would I take the chance of that happening? 

    I know I'm trying to protect myself. I know most women aren't as crazy and dangerous as the ones I've been dating. I just have so much drama in my life already that I don't really want additional drama. I think things will change when I move into my own place, but I think I currently view dating as a major burden and I'd really rather just sit there like an asshole and watch porn. 

    With gaming I really wanted to quit. It made me very sick as I've mentioned. There's just so many things I want to change in my life and I just don't really view porn as something as dangerous as what video games were doing to me. My self esteem, diet, sleep schedule, etc. All need to be fixed first. I think porn usage plays into those issues though. This is why I'm struggling. I know porn is adding to issues I'm trying to repair, but deep down I really do enjoy porn and sexual fantasies. I enjoy them more than I enjoyed gaming. I think if i can find more passion in my life I will have a better chance of quitting porn. I just don't think I'm ready to date yet and nothing else really makes me happy except for telling jokes. Buy I don't always want to tell jokes. 

    On the apartment front I really like my new apartment. My mom was kind enough to go shopping with me today and bought me a couch that I love. I was going to pay but she pushed me out of the way. I didn't like it because I didn't want the idea that I could be bought for happiness to be out there, but I do appreciate the gesture and know that's not her motive for buying it for me. I think we both are sad about me leaving. It's very tough right now. 

    Congrats on 35 weeks of sobriety from video games Matt!!  Glad you like the new apartment be sure & take time to fill that fridge with some healthy foods - produce, beans, & grains ftw!! I got to spend about 45 minutes cycling today around 95 degree F over 50% humidity =)  Felt great it had been a few days since I got that much cardio in. 

    My thoughts on relationships is if you feel your life is full of extra baggage you are likely to attract the same type of people - it is totally okay to take time for yourself and do relationships later, I just have this feeling that if you take that time to work on yourself even more you will find that even your simplest social encounters will improve because of that.

    Seeing your struggles with letting go of pornography I thought I would share a little bit of my fire behind maintaining sobriety across the board - TLDR So I can use that time to truly live my life, to be able to spend my time improving areas I need improved, to be able to go accomplish what I want to accomplish, all without that nagging sensation .. that craving .. that addiction .. to know I hanged my hat at the end of the day knowing I did the best I could do .. then there is that lingering air of mystery & excitement where I can't help but wonder what all the future will hold.  

    I also use this truly free-time to put in the work with my 12 step recovery program where I am working to heal the wounds of my past, to take inventory, to understand & change course where I still find myself burdened with decades old shame, guilt, abandonment, isolation, traumatic stress, fears, low self-esteem, denial, confusion, victimization. Addictions demanding control of ones time makes it too difficult to stay the course, makes it is too easy to numb ourselves and let whatever problems exist just continue to be, and makes living your life from strength to give it your all impossible. 

    Here in my 12 step program text I will quote an excerpt about the Doctor's Opinion on Stages of Recovery, maybe you will see something relevant that is a help to you :

    Quote

    "Most people recovering from addictions and other disorders can recover more successfully by first stabilizing these for a time, since otherwise these problems are usually distractions from being able to focus on recovery issues and work.  We call this stabilization period Stage One recovery work, which may take from several months to years to complete.  Many others may have no particular addictions or disorders and come to a recovery perspective because they are hurting or even "bottoming out" from emotional pain and having a desire to change. 

    These can usually enter directly into recovery to take inventory and trauma effects recovery work, which we call Stage Two, and which usually takes a number of years to complete. Stage Two works include: 1) realizing our True Self, 2) grieving our ungrieved hurts, losses, and traumas, 3) finding and fulfilling our healthy needs, and 4) working through our core recovery issues.

    The final one, Stage Three recovery, is about refining our relationship with self, others, and God from a spiritual perspective. It usually becomes easier to realize a loving relationship with our Higher Power once we have done most of our Stage Two recovery work. This is because the false self or ego cannot experientially relate to or know God, and the only part of us that can do this is our True Self, which we come to know in our Stage Two work. While the false self may at best try to intellectualize a relationship with God, our True Self does it from its heart, with fewer words needed.    "

     

    • Like 1

    A collection of thoughts.

    in Daily Journals

    Posted

    That's right just like riding a bike - fall off just get right back on :)
    I think you know what has to be done with those games you didn't get around to deleting ..
    If you have any digital video game licenses, I recommend removing their attachment to you permanently!

    • Like 3

    Guidelines + Templates

    in Daily Journals

    Posted · Edited by goodvibes

    #####  MY DAILY SOBRIETY JOURNAL  #############################################################

    TODAY'S DATE:          DD MMM YYYY
    NO GAMING:              # DAYS
    NO PORNOGRAPHY: # DAYS
    NO ALCOHOL:             # DAYS
    NO NICOTINE:             # DAYS
    NEXT SOBRIETY MILESTONE:

    In bed by 9:30 today?
    Sleep Uninterrupted last night?
    One amazing thing I did today:
    Gratitude:
    What's new?
    What will you do tomorrow?

    #############################################################################################

    Hello Gamequitters my name is ..

    in Start Here & Introduction

    Posted · Edited by goodvibes
    Sobriety Journal Link

    Hello Gamequitters my name is Neil, I quit video games and became an ex-gamer on March 3rd of 2019, I am in my mid-thirties, I live in Louisiana, and have had a problem putting the controller down since I can remember - so since 4 years old.  My life forever revolved around "what can I do to get more game time in?" but no more!  Just like Step One of any Twelve Step Program I had to first admit that there was a problem - that I was powerless over the effects gaming had over me, that my life had become unmanageable.  I am glad I did because when you begin to really live that one life you were born to have there is no better feeling than doing the best that you can do, day in & day out. 

    The last few years I knew I really needed to limit my time spent on video games to really pull my life out of the gutter and last year it was November 2018 I had found the StopGaming Reddit community that gave a spark to my affirmations - this detox, I really need to do this!  I lasted about thirty days as I had fell victim to a "special" seasonal gaming event on my favorite online game that went on about 4 weeks total in the name of Christmas smh.  I had also come across the NoSurf Reddit during that time and I decided it best to delete my Reddit account so I did. 

    The time after the Christmas gaming spree I was spending more time gaming on average than usual and the StopGaming Detox stayed in the back of my mind.  I would share with my online gaming buddies my intention to follow through with a full 90 days without them but was without the willpower to stop playing.  I had rooted myself even further by creating a clan to participate in weekly activities - activities that I needed to spend time earning in-game currency to make happen.  All the while I have no job and about a month later I check the Bank balance, it was all spent & I only had credit.  This was the fire behind my choice to quit video games for good.  Forget the 90 day detox I needed to get the games gone!  That's what I did. 

    I knew first I should find a supportive community for my decision, this is where I find Gamequitters Youtube/Forums and also the StopGaming Discord channel.  I take to the Discord and they help talk me through my first steps - most immediately I had deleted all Steam games & the Steam account along with giving away the top loot from that online game I played for 22 years and I continue to work on deleting the 300+ accounts I had created on it.  That is important because as they age they become valuable in-game.  On that day I had also decided to quit pornography because of how much time it was taking out of my day on average - I had also been addicted to that since parents had dial-up Internet. 

    As of today that makes 110 days no video games & no pornography and it is really amazing what you can accomplish being in control of your free time doing nothing but the best you can do.  Along the way Gamequitters has been an inspirational source to me and a help when I was weak so thank you to everyone involved keeping it alive.  I had just caught word of the amazing journal templates so I created an account to log in and share my journey with more than a closed notebook.  Best of health everyone!

    You can find my Sobriety Journal in the forums here.

    Neil
    P.S. Attached is my 100-day celebration of freedom away from video games =)
     

    102-day-roundup-3-1.png

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