GrainSiloEnthusiast

Thank you Paul!!

Here is the inked (but so far yet to be colored) illustration of the twin's bedroom! This is my first isometric room drawing in over 10 years!! Sure I could have built something like this in the Sims, but I actually had far more control over this, which is great! No mods or CC required 😉 I am working on re-inking it digitally as well because it looks super clean that way. I want to color it digitally too, before coloring the original because I'm scared of ruining it!

Yeah! Most of the time my audience has no idea what I'm working on until I'm done with it. If I post a work in progress collage, It's with the final product. This has been what works best for me, I can keep the bad stuff to myself (for the most part, because sometimes I specifically want to write about "bad art" and why it's good to make it) and only publish the works I'm the most proud of. The main thing I publish my work for is so that other people can enjoy it... I make free coloring pages and I put those out into the world because I want them to be used. I don't profit from them financially in any way. I enjoy free things myself so I make free things to give back to the world. I think other people will enjoy my blog posts more if I am enjoying making them myself. I think how I feel comes out in my writing and post quality. I think one longer summarizing post is easier to digest for the reader anyway, and that's how I usually write about these bigger projects. Inktober doesn't have to be any different and I'm glad I'm now realizing that.

I think this is just how my brain works. I always think I'm missing "just this one thing I'm not allowed to have" because??? Humans are weird. I can't find the words to articulate my thoughts on this but basically... I think it's just monkey brain. To combat my craving, for today's Inktober prompt (Jeltober list, today is "twins") I'm drawing an isometric room. I'm designing a bedroom for some theoretical twin teenage girls. I have always wanted to draw these kinds of things but always convinced myself it was beyond my skill level. That's not entirely true actually, when I was much younger I drew things like this and didn't stress so much about the results because it was only for me! I had started out the month sharing my Inktober on my blog daily, but then I realized it was causing me so much stress it was damaging my mental health. It didn't help that I was looking at other people's blogs, their numbers, and comparing myself to them. It felt too much like Instagram, which I have left permanently. WordPress was supposed to be different, but with the way the reader in the app works... I can easily find other wp blogs and get upset that 30 people interact with their post and nobody interacted with mine. I need to only use WordPress from my computer. Since I stopped sharing my art daily and decided I would just make one big post in early November and just feature my favorites... I have had so much less pressure to get it perfect every time. I'm truly drawing just for myself now and it feels amazing. I really need to focus on working in obscurity and make peace with the fact that I may always be obscure. This drawing is doing exactly what I had hoped: I get to create this story in my head about the room and it's inhabitants, I get to be a control freak and nitpick all the little details, I get to envision a beautiful, functional, tidy space. And I get to make the kind of art I've wanted to for so long, a kind of art I really enjoy looking at, I get to make art that makes me happy. So yeah TLDR instead of using video games to escape into a world where I can be an interior designer, I am drawing instead. Which is closer to being a real interior designer anyway!

Been having genuine cravings lately. Catching myself very frequently daydreaming about how I'd build a new island in animal crossing, houses I would build in the Sims, flips I would finish in house flipper... Etc. It is a good thing that the games I crave are creativity based and not just completely pointless grind types (which I have played my fair share of... Fantasy Life is a good example... Not craving that one in particular even tho it was one of my favorite games.) I'm not sure what's wrong. I have been doing all the activities I wanted to replace gaming with, and frequently. I've been doing a daily gratitude list exchange. I don't watch gaming streams or anything. I'm around my wife when she games sometimes but she doesn't play any of the games I'm craving. Not gaming has given me so much, I don't understand why I'm having these cravings. Maybe it's the changing of the seasons. I associate summer with detoxes, winter with going back to gaming. We still own the consoles, we haven't sold them yet. I can't sell them on my own I need my wife's help. I'm afraid of repeating what happened last time I sold them... Going out and buying more when I inevitably went back to gaming. Maybe I miss the sense of control? It would be nice to have a "house" of my own to actually decorate as I want and keep minimal and tidy. Our real house is so ugly and I've done about as much as I can on my own and with our very limited funds to make it better. Things are so much better than they used to be... but the reality is that I live in someone else's house that's got a ton of problems with someone else's crap and there's not much I can do about that. And I'm blessed to live here. We live in an extremely safe, beautiful neighborhood. We have a roof over our head at all, most people in our financial situation aren't that lucky. I hate how much I worry about the stupid things like aesthetics when I am objectively so lucky to be in the situation I am in. But I don't think that's 100% of the issues. I have no idea how to deal with any of this other than grit my teeth and sit on my hands.

I came here to write about something actually related to video games for once! We're ready to sell our consoles. My wife only games on her PC and smartphone, she's found that she doesn't really enjoy console gaming as much as she used to. She's also found herself enjoying gaming less in general lately. (Not in a good way unfortunately... In a depression kills all of her interest in literally anything way) I've obviously wanted to get rid of the consoles because I'm battling my addiction, and right now they're just collecting dust, I'd rather turn them into money. This is a pretty huge step for me because I generally prefer console gaming, especially handheld consoles. I'm excited! We need to reset everything, get everything grouped together and photographed, decide prices and write up the post. But we've both decided it's going to be done and I'm so happy about it.

I've had no problems at all with my debit card. I find it incredibly handy. I love having a debit card, I hate carrying cash. For safety reasons as well, If someone robs me and takes my wallet I can report it to my bank. The bank I use offers protections for if it gets stolen, and I won't be charged for fraudulent unauthorized purchases. If they take my cash though I'm just screwed! Some people feel like using a card doesn't feel enough like giving away your money, leading to more compulsive spending. For me it's the opposite, Cash always feels like "free money" to me because I don't see the number go down in my account. Must be a generational thing, idk. It's more convenient for me as well, I can just swipe/insert/tap my card and not have to count out bills and change. I can see exactly how much money I have by checking my balance on my phone, as opposed to counting it out manually. I also need to carry as little weight as possible due to my disabilities, and change gathered over a day or two can start weighing a surprising amount! Debit cards weigh only a couple of grams and won't change in weight through the day. Don't get "overdraft protection" though, it's a bit of a scam. They trick you with the wording. Overdraft protection LETS you overdraft. Not having it means your card will be declined if you don't have enough money in your account, but that's a good thing. Never spend money you don't have. Overdraft fees can be huge, and they usually get charged the next business day after the overdraft. You would only want to overdraft if you know you can make it to the bank in time to put more money in your account, otherwise it's useless and terrible lol. Kind of weird how this ended up being like an advertisement for debit cards but this is just my honest experience with them lol. If carrying cash works better for you then you should do that, whatever fits your lifestyle better is the best option!

Yep, being poor all my life actually scared me straight when it comes to money. My parents (my dad really) racked up a bunch of credit card debt when my mom lost her job right before the 2008 financial crisis and they suffered immensely from it since. Only very recently were they able to pay it off and cancel those cards for good! And only because they refinanced their house. My wife has credit cards but treats them like debit cards, and I just don't mess with anything like that. I always prefer to "pay myself back" and dip into savings for a large purchase (and only emergencies like needing to replace my phone on short notice) than do payment plans or use any form of credit. I'd rather wait and save up for things than have to pay someone else back with interest!

I actually think I need to take a step back and calm down with all the self improvement stuff. There's more right than there is wrong with me at this point and I'm already working really hard on a lot of things. I'm not in any financial trouble right now, I am not even one cent in debt (and how many Americans can say that??) I no longer live in hoard and squalor. Clearly my "shopping addiction" is really not that bad. It's still good to be mindful of it but honestly the last thing I need is one more thing to stress out about. I think as long as I keep up the good habits (spending more time outside, more time creating, less time in and around stores) I don't need to focus so much on the numbers and statistics. I do think I'll continue the grocery shopping on Mondays and staying close to home on Saturdays, I think those routines are working really well for us.

Today, my wife bought us breakfast after we dropped off our daughter. We keep our finances separate, so this didn't really effect my plans... Kind of a weird loophole though. I allowed myself to have a coffee with it because it was just McDonald's, the coffee I got was $2. It did get me thinking that maybe 2x a week would be more realistic for takeout coffee specifically. Especially this time of year, September through February is my favorite time of year for coffee as I'm both a pumpkin spice and peppermint junkie lol. I'm pretty sure I can stick to (me paying for) eating out 1x a week, especially when we also have pizza day, and I can still get food stamps food. We needed to pop by Walmart after school for a couple genuine needs that were easiest found there specifically... And that shopping trip made me feel like "oh yeah maybe I can stop enjoying shopping as a hobby because this honestly sucks" I never really enjoyed Walmart though. It's the opitome of American consumerism culture and it's always too crowded. I don't want to hate shopping though, either... I want to enjoy as much of my life as possible including chores and essential errands. I just don't want to be addicted to anything and I felt genuinely addicted to impulse shopping. I'm still not sure what I'll do about the coffee thing but I'll figure it out as I go. All I know is I want some sort of schedule/limit to keep me in control.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it to the gym twice this week, not even sure if I'll make it once. I've been trying to go more to make the $70 per month (this covers both me and my wife as well as our daughter... and they have a pool so) worth it. I only went twice in August. I missed the gym SO much during the pandemic, I'm not sure what's wrong with me lol. Just busy and typically only go when our daughter is in school. I wish it was walking distance (then again I wish everything was lol) because I'd definitely go more if I didn't have to ask my wife for a ride. I think having this weekly schedule is going to work out really well tho. Knowing I can still have takeout coffee once a week as well as a dinner out once a week, really helps me to control myself on the days I plan not to. Having a set day to buy groceries also helps me not go grocery shopping just to alleviate boredom, I have to get more creative than that now! This is a place in my life where moderation works better than cold turkey. Financially there's no reason for me to completely cut out these things, I just want to have more impulse control!

I so agree, @BooksandTrees I started gaming at a really young age and I think it probably messed me up in the head a bit.

I just uninstalled everything on the computer, and packed away the consoles. Haven't deleted or sold anything yet. We intend to sell the consoles now though, even my wife doesn't use them very much. (Like you she's addicted to Roblox.) Because I successfully replaced gaming with reading, drawing, playing with my daughter, spending time outside, and occasionally watching stuff I haven't really missed gaming at all. I don't think you necessarily need to delete everything right away to quit. I know it's really hard. Sunk cost fallacy is keeping me from deleting my Origin account because I spent over $500 on The Sims.

I relate Paul, the two times I've relapsed on drugs strengthened my recovery this time around. It really reinforced that the party's over for me, the fun is gone now. I have never made this strong a commitment to quit gaming but I have detoxed multiple times before this, and since then the idea of quitting for good has been a seed planted in the back of my mind. This last time I really felt the same thing as with drugs: this isn't fun anymore, it's time to leave the party. I'm too old for this shit. They say a mind full of recovery will ruin your next high, in my experience it's true!

That looks AMAZING I am so jealous!!! 😍 Please enjoy it for me 😩 (Our room is immaculately tidy because I'm a neat freak now. But we have 70s bright red shag carpet, dark wood paneling walls, and popcorn ceiling. Plus our furniture is all mis-matched. I do the best I can but it'll never look this good without pouring thousands of dollars into renovations!!)

Today I stuck to all of my goals! I brought food with me, but it wasn't enough (I'm breastfeeding, the hunger is INSANE.) When I stopped by Safeway to grab a bite to eat I used food stamps and only got exactly what I needed for immediate consumption. I even picked something healthy! I chose to get this week's takeout coffee today, I stopped by a local cafe I've never been to before and had an AWESOME butterscotch latte! It even had the fancy foam with a cute design on it!? First time I've had a coffee like that! So worth it. A tiny bit more expensive than Starbucks would have been but I'm happy to see my money go into local hands. I spent most of my free time today outside. I went to a rose garden and then later on the park near my daughter's school while waiting to pick her up. It was so lovely and peaceful. After we picked our daughter up from school it was time to go grocery shopping. I stuck to my list! We found everything we went in for and only got what we really needed. What a relief! I actually created a weekly schedule too, it's very lenient and can be moved around whenever necessary (like we have to go to my mom's this Friday for example) but it will give some structure to my days: (The pizza thing on Tuesdays is because a take and bake place has a special that day and we can buy it on food stamps! So it's separate from our cash-eat-out day.) In summary: today I did not play video games, didn't use drugs, didn't injure myself, and didn't impulse shop. I spent time outside. I did some sketching and scrapbooking. I feel like I really "lived my best life" today and I'm feeling really good about it!

You are so welcome! Always glad to be able to help. Hugs!

I don't necessarily expect you guys to read all of that ^^^ up there, I've really just needed to clear up the notes on my phone! This is all for my personal use, I found journaling about it really helps with personal accountability. I think I learned that here, actually! You are of course invited to read them if you wish, but don't feel pressured lol. As far as gaming stuff goes, I've been doing really well. 110 days off games! Lots of goals met, lots of art made, lots of good memories formed! And surely plenty of money saved lol...

Takeout coffee rules!!! ^have first morning coffee at home to reduce cravings on days when you cannot buy takeout coffee. ^record when, what, and where you had coffee (perfect for sketch journaling!) ^Up to once per week. Meaning if I don't buy coffee one week, doesn't mean the next week I get to buy twice. ^No new loyalty programs, punch cards, etc. ^Prioritize buying from local coffee joints, avoid big chains.

2022 September 15th Today I didn't buy anything more than food I immediately needed, which I got on food stamps, and one pumpkin for decorating that will last 3-6 months and hardly cost anything. I actually left my wallet at home, wife bought the pumpkin for me since it wasn't counted as "food". Feeling accomplished for only buying exactly what I intended on. Didn't stop anywhere on the way home from school, feeling accomplished about that as well. 2022 September 16th Today I didn't buy anything. Not a single thing! Spent time at the gym in the morning, spent time at the park in the evening. Spent time relaxing at home in between. No money needed! I decluttered coupons and other nonsense from my wallet. I moved my debit card to make it harder to use. 2022 September 17th Today I will not buy anything or go anywhere! I ended up going to the park with my family, but that was fine, it was lovely. No money spent! 2022-9-18 Today I did not spend any money. I was able to get my mom a birthday Starbucks treat with my 150 stars, after which I uninstalled the Starbucks app, but did not have to spend any additional money. I didn't get myself a coffee because I knew my mom would have coffee at her house, and I didn't want to spend my once a week take-away coffee treat on a day when I could get free good coffee. I did get some groceries at (food bank outlet my mom volunteers at) but only things I really thought we would use. I got some goldfish crackers there because wife was planning on buying some anyway. Tomorrow I plan on taking the bus downtown. I want to return my library books that I'm not going to read, And I want to test out the new folding backpack. I am only taking what I absolutely need. I will be bringing my phone, My bus pass, my EBT card, and the badge holder that will hold those two cards. My open pack of gum, My Bluetooth earbuds, and a stylist for my phone to make it easier to draw on medibang. All of those things will fit into my cargo pants. I will also obviously be bringing the folding backpack, as well as the two library books I'm returning. I will also require beverages and food. Tomorrow we will be grocery shopping after we pick up daughter from school so I will have to be diligent and stick to the list!

I'm not sure where else I can put this stuff besides the notes in my phone, and it's starting to get cluttered. So I am going to put it here. This all pertains to my shopping addiction (which definitely went hand in hand with my gaming addiction! So many games I bought that I never even played...) Why do I want to combat my shopping addiction? ^I want to be a more mindful consumer ^I want to participate less in capitalism ^I want to create less waste ^I want to only own things that I love and/or add value to my life ^I want to travel more ^I want to pay for experiences rather than things ^I want to feel in control of my life, and right now I don't ^I want to have better hobbies other than shopping (I already have some!) ^I don't make a lot of money to begin with, so I need to be able to live on that paltry sum ^I want to be a good example to my daughter ^I think minimalism is cool and trendy lol ^I'm tired of the binge-purge cycle, I want to be done with clutter for good! (The ^ is from the bullet point thing on my app. Not sure why it chose that symbol. Just gonna leave it out of laziness.)

(My reply to you, LostRiver, is awaiting moderation because I provided links) I had a double using dream about both gaming and weed. I woke up extremely grateful to be clean and game-free.

Unfortunately the thing is... You can't really help someone that much unless they're willing. They have to want help for themselves. You can try to talk to them about it, try to be extremely gentle and cautious about how you go about this though, as it is always a sore spot for the person going through it. Here is a Goodreads list of books on Hoarding: https://www.goodreads.com/shelf/show/hoarding I have started reading the one titled Buried in Treasures: Help for Compulsive Acquiring, Saving, and Hoarding. I went to look for that one for you and found a whole list. I hope that may possibly help! I also found a forum: https://hoarding.support/forum/ I will keep your family member in my thoughts! My heart goes out to every hoarder still suffering.

Oh yeah, yesterday was 100 days! I had a dream in which I was extremely tempted to play, but I talked myself out of it. Even in the dream I played the tape all the way through and remembered my goals. I love dreams like this.

Instead of wasting all my time gaming today, we cleaned and decluttered and reorganized the closet! It's finally a genuinely functional space. It was also a hell of a lot easier than it would have been if I was still hoarding. We managed to do all of it while our daughter was in school, and even had a little bit of time to relax at the end as well! I love having a manageable life.