Sapuverell

Day 19 gone to bed: 23.30 woke up: 09.00 I went to the church and it was good to talk with someone about my faith and my position. I had no thoughts about gaming the whole day. "NoFap" was hard, but I sticked to it. I slept a lot in the afternoon and now I do some homework for tomorrow. I'm grateful for: sleep calm lunch

Day 18 gone to bed: 22.15 woke up: 07.50 I looked over my journal and I felt like I was posting everyday a new topic and new problems I had during the day. There's always something new that pops up in my life and I'm having a hard time to sort that all. But my intentions with this journal is not to have a book at the end. I just wanna share what happens to me in this moving and changing time. If someone is happy to read about it, or even takes it as an inspiration, it's even more than I would expect. Today was great. I'm super happy about the work I've done. I had urges to play games and also "NoFap" was incredibly hard, but I could resist. I called my friend and wished her a wonderful day, thatb was awesome. I also gave my mom my concept I wrote today, to give me some feedback about my coming graduation work. I went to the gym and I finally filled out my tax return. I'm grateful for: endurance, that made me work for 4hours straight rice and aubergines for lunch, one of my favorite dishes new exercises for my back at the gym the absolute best friend in the world, in my opinion good movies I can watch every week

Day 17 gone to bed: 00.20 woke up: 06.20 Yesterday I accidentally fell asleep at 6 p.m. and then didn't wake up until midnight or so. But the day was pretty good. I went to the gym, school was fun and later on I met my old best friend and wwe talked for a while. It was interesting and I was super thankful, that I'm so stable in my life in terms of education. He sadly canceled two apprenticeships and is now searching for something new. In the afternoon there was a funeral at the local church, because a very young teen died recently. It was kinda sad to see all these people in mourning. I knew this boy a little, saw him twice or three times and he always had a smile on his face and couldn't hurt anyone. It made me think about death and my testament, that I want to change now, due to this experience. I noticed that without gaming I'm thinking a lot about things that happen in my environment. I like it, but it's also tiring and for me it always was difficult to switch off. That's why I went to bed at 6 p.m., just to stop thinking. I'm grateful for: health good education and further possibilities being rather disciplined, reliable, taking responsibility in my life and being good with others

Day 16 gone to bed: 00.30 woke up: 07.35 Finished my report on the physics experiment. Also did organisational stuff. No thoughts about Gaming anymore, where "NoFap" is very challanging at the moment. But I wont fall into this until these 90 days are over. Today I feel very motivated to change everything in my life. I wanna be more productive, more attractive, passionate, informed, fit, enlightened and much more. I'm so happy to have made this decision to take on my habits and rewire my brain. What I have to pay more attention to is my sleep cycle, which wasn't that static in the past days. But it's way better since I got my new phone, that doesn't let me watch Youtube before sleeping. I do not even take it into bed. Yesterday I thought a lot about situations of the day, where I had an emotional reaction to and I couldn't calm down because of this. I'm thinking of meditating a bit more. Maybe that helps. I'm grateful for: feeling relaxed motivation and happiness due to progress second day, where I didn't use my wheelchair at all

Day 15 gone to bed: 01.00 woke up: 07.00 I'm pretty happy about the way I worked in school. Felt productive and finished some stuff. Later at homme I found out, that for our report for a physics experiment is more complicated than expected and that I have to prepare a core question for my graduation work. It stressed me a lot, and still does. But no gaming and no masturbation, that's good. In terms of relationship, today nothing really happened. Im grateful for: a friend that helps me out with this report delicious lunch a day without my wheelchair, that I normally have in school (I felt confident enough to abandon him)

Day 14 gone to bed: 23.00 woke up: 13.00 Good Day acomparred to the last two. Like @30_yrs_of_gaming said, I take day after day. Cleaned my room, so myself, did my homework, sorted some stuff on my desk and listened to music. I watched a documentary about the roaring twenties in America, since it's our topic in history. Then I played Golf with my friends. The experience was nice. I had literally no fun and so stopped after 30min. I will not restart my counter, because it was definitely not a relapse. In the evening I had a one and a half hour long phone call with my female friend and we cleared a lot about our relationship. About her feelings with that guy in our class and why we both don't feel that happy at the moment. What we want to do in the coming weeks and so on. All in all it was good for my soul and I think today I'll have no problem to fall asleep. I feel calm. I'm grateful for: feeling better finding no joy in gaming anymore (at least not today) doing my homework Thanks guys for supporting me, it helped me a lot.

I can' tell where it comes from, but I can show you my motivation behind it. So for me it is a detox of porn and a try to rewire my sexuality to a more healthy and beneficial way. I wanna play the natural game and not an acted fanatasy like porn. Also I want to encourage myself to talk to girls and be wwilling to find a relationships that's worth it. If you constantly "relief" yourself it's unlikely that you'll go out and do the uncomfortable talks and picking up (Uuhh how much I hate this expression). Since I've started I've noticed that I was so used to, that I didn't know how it was without. First I had some problems and it was hard for me, but since 3-4 days there is no problem at all anymore. Hope that explains it a bit.

Yeah! Today I took a day off. Slept very well and now go to the gym. I hope all this will be good soon. Thank you ?

Day 13 gone to bed: 23.05 woke up: 07.05 Starting to worry about myself. I've conacted a psychologist I once was, and he really helped me back then. Putting my hope into this. I just don't understand how I can't bring up any self-discipline nore willpower. School doesn't matter to me anymore. It's something I've never expereienced and that's what makes me worried. I don't know how to describe it, but I'll try. School was ever my pillar of life. It was the only place I could prove myself in the real world. I was good, had a 5.89 avarage once (in switzerland 6 is the best you can get). It didn't matter if outside of school things went wrong. I still had my marks that would makee me proud. During the last few years I've noticed that school isn't everything, especially through the fact that I just couldn't keep up anymore with housework or studying just because we've 14 different classes and there's simply no time to do it all perfectly. I started to loose it and everytime it felt so good. No more stress. There's no chance I would drop out, because even with to do only the most necessary I was enough. But at the same time it makes me feel incredibly unhappy, empty and worthless. What is there, where I'm more than avarage in it. Where can I flourish in the world. I don't know. Today I've noticed, that I have to prioritize what's important to me, and that I have to find another pillar than school in my life, since this isn't supporting me. It's not that I wanna critizie our school-system. It's great I can tell you, but it makes it hard for me at the moment, because I think I want to become good at something specific and really focus on that. The other me tells me that I just lost focus on what I wanted to achieve in school: learning the basics of languages, sciences, mathematics and so on. I'm interested in all of these. What I really see in writing this, is that I don't know where I'm aiming at. I need a plan, a structure in my everyday life, a vision where school, health, relationships, freetime and personal development is all considered. That's why I wrote tto this psychologist. With this girl. There's a problem inside me and I haven't fully understood what it is, why I don't write about this now. But I believe everything comes good. I'm grateful for (very hard today): good physical therapy, that helped me think of something else no thoughts about gaming and "NoFap" is no longer a problem it seems not have fallen into depression, I think I know when I have to catch myself from falling down and then to do the things that help me.

Thank you Ikar, I will talk to her soon.

Day 12 gone to bed: 23.10 woke up: 11.20 Had a good breakfast at 12 o'clock. Then went to a friend. We chilled and made a chess tournament with her family. Was fun, but also tiring. I loved it to be outside of home. Later on my brother came by and we ate together, chatted and discussed about politics. It was good, even if I once again had this feeling of not fitting into this family. My mother is left, my brother as well and then comes me and I'm conservative. Sometimes this leads to feeling alone and also being a human in the wrong place. This now sounds dramatic, but that's how I feel from time to time. About the relationship with this girl I talk about so often. She is my only and best friend. It's not that I'm unpopular, no, it's just that she's the only person who really gets what I'm saying. We always had a great time since this other boy from my class appeared in her life. It was such a rough time for both, especially because I thought I loved her at that time. I even told her. Then she came into a relationship with this other guy and I suffered along. It's absolutely not her fault, it just hurted at that moment. A feeling I've never experienced before, not in that strength. We never had any fights or then understood each other again pretty quickly. Now a few days ago she told me, that she ended her relationship with that guy. I didn't know how it made me feel. I wasn't excited but also not sad, because I saw her looking down, listening to music and just not feeling happy for weeks and it was horrible. I did wanna help her, but I didn't know how other then saying I'll be there for you whenever you want. Today I spent several hours with her and I was so glad she smiled again and we're just having a good time. I felt home what I didn't for a long time I would say. It shows how much she means to me, but also how dangerous it can be. I really don't know if I love her or if I just miss this feeling of being understood and being at home with a girl that's beautiful, generous, smart and just lovely in my opinion. Right now I just don't wanna come in the situation of loving her and then be hurt once again. It would destroy me I think, not only hurt. Im' not sure what to do, if I should leave her or now just continue with what we were left before she met this guy. Also I don't know what's different now. Jordan Peterson said there are probably about 5-6 people that you will met in your life, that could become a potential life-time partner you're going to marry. I don't wanna miss any chance in this particular topic, especially because I think that girls like my friend right now are very rare. I'm thankful for: being on a forum having so much to fight through, because it makes me stonger everytime a brother, who shows me a totally different lifestyle and therefore perspective Wow, this got a lot longer than I expected. I feel better now, after writing this down. Not quite sure if I should share such personal stuff, but since it's anonymous I think it's fine. I don't wanna hurt anyone. I want the best for my friend, our relationship, that guy in my class and also my family.

Day 11 gone to bed: 22.10 woke up: 08.40 Slept very good tonight. Massage was good, but now my right shoulder hurts a bit. Most of the time I was bored. Just sat in my room, didn't do nothing at all. I still spend too much time on Youtube, but this will soon be over if I get rid of my phone in about 5 days. Today I watched two lovely films: "Wie ein ganzer Tag" and "Once" and it entertained me well and I have something to think about now. Gaming doesn't come in my head thankfully. I'm grateful for: the few hours just sitting in complete silence and watch the stormy weather do it's thing a clear call with a friend to see the satus of this relationship being fully in a process of changing myself, even though it's hard for me

Look that your body is well and create some space in your head. Feeling the same way as you do and this helped me right now. Massage in the morning and now some silent hours in my room alone.

Day 10 gone to bed: 23.25 woke up: 06.40 Bored like never before. I could leave school very eearly in the morning, because a teacher didn't show up. So I had basically the hole day to do anything I want. I went to a shop, bought myself a new jacket and ate an icecream afterwards. Later at home I had no idea what to do or better should I say I just couldn't ddo anything. I felt neither to read nor to cook, I mean I have a lot of projects and stuff to do, but its all seems so tedious. Today I ordered a new mobile phone, one that has this buttons and no apps at all, so that I won't use the phone anymore than for what it was originally designed, calls and messages. Also I worked on my wardrobe to get rid of all the shitty clothes I no longer want to wear. I'm grateful for: being bored, because it has to be that way, so that I start initiating actions from myself the good financal situation I'm in, that I have so many possibilities and no worries my mother's support no exam for the upcoming week

Cold showers are like a torture in my opinion, but I will try it for a week maybe, so the walking in nature. Thank you for telling me this, now I can be sure that it's all part of the process and this calms me.?

Day 10 gone to bed: 23.00 woke up: 07.15 Video Games were not even on my thoughts today. I slept very good and was rather productive. Organized some appointments, for example for my driver's license or coiffeur. I did well in school and a teacher told me how he appreciates the good work I do in class, that made me happy. Nevertheless I thought a lot about my best friend and her relationship to a guy from my class and I couldn't let go from it. She looked so fucked up and I wish I could do something for her. "NoFap" became eveen worse today. I find myself staring at girls and I don't like it at all. What should I do? I'm grateful for: good people around me which allow me to change having Youtube or the internet to make yourself an opinion on certain political topics feeling well rested everyday, because of a stable sleep rhythm

Day 9 gone to bed: 23.05 woke up 07.05 Good Day! My exam was very easy and I could learn all the vocabulary during lunch break. Afterwards I felt relieved. Today I requested my learner's permit for driving and it will be delivered in a few days. I'm excited about it. I also finished my puzzle like you see on the picture. Just now I agreed with my best friend to meet and watch a film together. I look forward to it. I'm grateful for: everything worked out after yesterday's failure about 1h screentime only the calm that came from solving the puzzle "NoFap" became pretty hard. I just want to do it, but then holding me back everytime. But it doesn't feel like il have to.

Day 8 gone to bed 22.30 woke up 07.10 Today sucked, sorry for that word, but I can't say it differently. School was ok, but I started feeling bored. I also felt tired out of nowhere and I started thinking about relationships and my detox, school and the claims to myself. Also I behaved in a way that I don't like at all. It made me somehow little bit depressed and so I left school. Later in the gym I noticed how good it felt to just move and feel your body after sitting at a desk for a day. That was good and I also gott some order into the chaos in my head. With a good feeling I returned home and did wanna learn for my french exam tomorrow. Sadly this never happened until now. I spent hours on Youtube watching some non-sense videos and felt more and more bad about myself. Anyway, I wanna go to bed at time now, so that I at least accomplished one thing today. If the exam turns bad it's not that big of a deal, it is practically impossible not to come in the next year for me, because I was so good so far. I'm grateful for: the gym session music, which brought me through the day a good textchat with my mother about change in general

Hey ElectroNugget, I'm really interested in that sentence you've written. Could you tell more about it? Because I'm asking myself how someone can notice that.

Cool you came on this forum to share your story. I see you wanna change a lot of things and it makes me happy to hear that. In terms of your resolution I think you should consider lessen them a bit. Because it seems like hell of a time in front of you. I'm struggling right now with only your first two points. I'm writing this just to bring you in a reflective thinking process. Cheers!

I really see the way video games can connect people and be fun, and for most gamers this is good, they can keep it healthy. So a question here: Is it really a goal to disgust games only because you quit gaming?

I hope you're doing well. I had a similar situation lately and it really helped me to take one day off and relax and just calm once again. Sometimes we're too hard on ourself. I mean I really love people who try to get their act together and can accept criticism and are willing to work on themselve, but sometimes at least I think I froget how hard all of this is.

Very glad to hear this. So beautiful that you have someone beside you and great you made this decision. Hoping it continues like that, wish you all the best!

If you wanna quit games, then it really helps if you shut every connection to them. Don't watch streams, don't read news, just remove everything you can.

Day 7 gone to bed: 22.30 woke up: 07.05 Today a little shorter. I had no thoughts about gaming at all. Felt very good during the day, had my fun with friends with card games and worked on my puzzle when I returned home. I could criticize that I wasn't that productive, but there are only things I have to do for wednesday, so it's not that big of a deal. I'm grateful for: a long phonecall with my friend and her openness to me feeling very fit after a relaxing weekend the lunch break, where some of our class, including me, had a good time and a lot of fun Until tomorrow!