Day 347:

I got up normally and got a few minor things done, but then I decided to take a nap for a few hours. I took a walk then and did the groceries after a few days, so I am stocked. After that, I  chatted with people on the Internet and did some trades on my Forex demo account. I started reading a Czech book that could translate as "Tactics and Strategies in Love". I enjoy it quite a bit so far. I had a light workout in the evening and went to play chess and chat.

5 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Nice to see you're being productive. Hopefully it continues. Are you doing another monthly summary? I liked your idea so I focused a summary of mine for the month of March.

I'm gonna get it done in a few days.

Day 346:

I did Duolingo, got the laundry from my clotheshorse, did some light editing of my website, watched one video about mindset and one about Forex basics, wrote here, took a walk, exercised, put my banner onto the bars of my dorm window and did some chatting on IG/dating apps.

I think I get a lot of work done these days, even though I sometimes fall into states of mindless autopilot and catch myself doing something inefficiently later on. I woke up a few times at night the past days too, but I am happy I get my daily tasks done. Work hard and play hard.

Day 345:

I visited my grandma and my brother after not seeing them for two weeks. It was good to see both of them again. I had a good chat with my grandma and my brother proofread my website and I considered some of his suggestions. I had a light workout (50 pushups and 50 situps) and I attended a uni webinar.

I actually wrote the outline for this reply some 10 hours ago, but I wanted some more input before writing more. I think Glover put it wonderfully by writing something in the lines of this: "A woman needs to know that you are willing to stand up AGAINST her, so that there is at least a chance that you might stand up FOR her in the future." Glad to hear all is good in the hood now 🙂

5 hours ago, Alexanderle said:

Recently, I have checked the forum to see, how often people use the term dopamine. I found that it is used more than 500 times. Every single time, it is somehow used as an excuse.

I wonder if you could correlate that with the success of the members' individual detoxes 😄  Blaming and excuses never get us anywhere.

Day 344:

Maintenance day. I did Duolingo, finished "The Red and the Black", cooked a chicken, went for a walk, set up whatever few events for the next week, washed the dishes, cleaned my room, exercised and did the laundry. "The Red and the Black" is an interesting and instructive book. There's ambition, love and psychological warfare.

26 minutes ago, Phoenixking said:

Fucking infuriating. We've been fighting for about 24 hours now. Our longest yet. I both hate this, because we love each other and we're better than this. But on the other hand, I feel like I have to make a stand. We had a talk last time, she'd agreed to not use my bike and not at all go behind my back. It's a petty thing of mine, I admit. But it's about the principle of mutually agreeing to things and then whenever she's to lazy to bother, break that promise. That shit doesn't fly with me. And not even at all when being all mopey, bitchy and snappy about it. Fucking infuriating... 

Hold the line and try to relax. If she wants to be pissed off because she broke a promise, let her. If you back down and she finds out she can push you around (in more serious matters than borrowing a bike), she'll lose respect for you. I've been there and done that. I even witnessed one such fight in the past several days. It's about the principle.

27 minutes ago, Phoenixking said:

I slept horribly, obviously. Been eating waaay less. Typical. I'm obviously very upset and emotional. But I still feel like she should apologize to me. I feel wronged. I could notice in bed she's been tossing and turning too. She's down and upset too. But she's not doing anything about it. Scrolling on her phone, sighing, calling her friends and scrolling more... I don't want to budge, I don't want to be the bigger man, I'm too angry to be rational and calm. I've never been this angry at her, it's crazy! It's also very likely the quarantine crazies. We're not made to spend this much time in such a small space together, of course. I hunger for some quality me-time. But I can't have it of course. This fucking sucks. I barely ate or slept. 

I wouldn't expect that the first thing she does when exiting the "psychological warfare" mode is going to be an apology, but you know her better than I do.

A funny piece of trivia is that the divorce rate in China spiked after the quarantines ended, because people found out they can't be in one place for extended periods of time. It's impossible to "be together" and "do something together" for days on end without a break. This situation is perfect for determining whether your house rules are in order or not.

7 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

It's strange reading about you talking to people when I haven't talked to someone in person in about 3 weeks lol. Sounds productive though. 

It depends on each person's individual risk management and circumstances. Getting out there for those two days was both objectively useful and subjectively fun. I obey the law as it is currently in effect (i.e. I do not throw underground parties), so I meet with smaller groups of people and less often than before. One thing I keep in mind is that most of us are probably going to get it, even if in a way that our immune system handles it no problem. We're going to be fine 🙂

Day 342:

I did a bit of Forex, read, did Duolingo and then cycled to my friend who lives some 15 kilometers away. We mostly chilled, talked to each other and took a walk in the forest. I was a bit peeved, because he spent a lot of time on his phone chatting with his girlfriend, but he noticed that and he told me that I have a bad luck of coming to visit him when he's having more a intense period (pun intended) with her. He seems to be stalwart and knowing what he's doing though. We agreed that there needs to be a degree of discipline in relationships that needs to be upheld. I think things would've gone very differently for me if I knew that two years ago.

Day 343:

I slept over at my friend's. Afterwards, he drove me to pick up my car from the paint shop. It definitely looks better now. I then helped my dad to bring a new TV to my parents' house. Afterwards, I drove to pick up my business cards, banners and then drove to my parents' to visit them after two weeks. It was nice to see them again. I also managed to sell my old bike today. I got home in the evening, had a webinar about geographic information systems and I just chilled for the rest of the day.

3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

I caved and watched some porn this week, but nothing compared to what I was doing before. I also practiced masturbation without porn in a healthy way rather than a way to just escape from life. I've found that I'm disgusted by the industry as mentioned previously. I also agree with many users here who have quit porn, but still masturbate. It's important to be sexually healthy even if you don't have a partner. The benefits are important to your body for all kinds of hormones.

Great! I got myself to ejaculate weekly. It also helps that you'll re-adjust to normal-world women around you as porn fades away from your mind.

4 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

On the other hand, maybe this is an example of me repeating prior mistakes. Instead of just animating something I wanted using Blender, I started taking classes online and getting burnt out and angry with the hobby altogether. With writing, I took an online class instead of just writing. I don't write anymore. Could I be doing this with the drums also? Potentially. I'll have to consider it. Maybe you guys have some thoughts. Rock climbing and sports are the only things I've tried doing without practicing first and they're the only things I enjoy.

I'd say just do it. I don't even know how would I "practice" writing myself. I just write and if somebody doesn't like it, I'm happy my writing caught their attention for a while. At the moment, I probably write on the GQ forums the most.

6 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

On top of that, there's the breakfast and the sex. She wanted to have sex a few times this week and thus, to make things a bit more playful, we both had to initiate twice in four days. We're over halfway now and she's both done nothing yet and also refused me twice. Like, yeah honey, it's cool that you came up with this idea and wanted to amp things up a bit, but you're actually going to have to do something yourself too! She insists she needs a bit more structure and wants to have breakfast at 10:30 am sharp. I'm always up at that time. She's not... *sigh*.

I found out that after a week of initial re-adjustment in the quarantine, it helped me to get up at 6:30 with no issues, perhaps because I hardly have any meetings in the evening nowadays. The current situation is actually pretty good in forging new habits and detecting disfunctional ones.

11 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

You've been a real nice source of positivity and warmth to every member of the community since you've joined. You have shown a tremendous amount of strength and determination to overcome a serious addiction and made extreme efforts to fix your life not just for you, but for your children as well. I think you've helped many of us improve our quality of life and that is something that lives on forever as it guides us throughout our lives and we teach it to others along the way.

I agree 100% with @BooksandTrees. I always like the positive/poetic/surreal tone of your messages.

I hope you will be able to turn this grave diagnosis into another source of energy and motivation to continue making improvements in your life. We have to hope that this disease in your physical body is just a delayed reminder that your previous lifestyle caused you a lot of unnecessary pain and suffering.

Keep up the fight.

5 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Some romanticism there. You can re-enact those hollywood fantasy films where you meet the (potential) love of your life in a deserted town.

What you said earlier is spot on. I prefer to go into mini-relapses (watching films without any serious daily plan) because It makes me think that I will do better long term, BUT if this sort of mini-relapse thing is from not solving a pressing issue, it becomes systemic. So it is better just to anticipate and solve issues sooner rather than later. 

Regarding working out, I always work out at home and find it a fun activity. But I do agree with you that when you a enter a group there is a lot more peer pressure and desire to perform

These days I watch about three episodes of The Expanse a day which is two hours, but I also generally eat during that time. I'm quite happy about my general routine of getting up early (6:30), eating, writing here, Duolingo, perhaps reading a book, overall doing something easy and manageable. At around 10 I can mobilize and get out for a walk/workout and start taking on serious business after noon. I feel I wouldn't be motivated to even get out of bed, if I put in the biggest and most important (most difficult) task of the day right in my face after having breakfast.

I found out that I am completely fine working out on my own, my daily rhythm is actually based around it at this point, so if somebody wanted to join me, they would need to be OK with my time-frame of going there before lunch. I think most of the times, I am in the dormitory gym alone.

Day 340:

I wrote here, did research into Forex, worked out, took a walk, did Duolingo, read and went to play a board game and have a couple of beers with a few others. I did my homework for the next morning, so I would get up fine.

Day 341:

I got up later than usual, but I got up at a reasonable hour. I took a walk, did a bit of meditation, worked out, read, worked on my blog and did a bit of Forex. I do feel a bit tired now, but I had a lot of heat the past three days.

---

As @James Good pointed out in his VLOG, I also have a hard time working out in my room, but I worked out the past four days regardless, even if all those workouts are shorter than my normal ones at a gym. It works out fine for me to return warmed up from a walk and then work out shortly after. Survive and adapt.

22 hours ago, Natalie said:

I want to find a man. But how? Mom said something inspirational like you have to pray or something. It's like causing a deep sleep to fall on me in some ways to meet the right one the next day or later. I don't think so, but that was how Mom met Dad. I was still a child at heart and just want relationships with people, especially guys. Mom said a few is plenty because I am autistic and according to the personality type quizzes I already took in both high school and college, most of my results from the past would tell me that I am introverted.

I'm of the opinion that a woman I want to be with needs to be inspirational/have a talent, because I believe I am inspirational/have a talent. It's quite a feat figuring out for myself what do I find inspirational though. Some degree of physical beauty is obvious. Connecting through hobbies is also obvious. But it can be something completely different and leave me stunned for a while. I'm not sure how do you see it as a woman, but I wonder if this is applicable universally.

What I realized about dating is that there is always the right person for me, so the question is whether I am getting into the right places at the right time. It doesn't matter whether I am introverted, addicted, manic or whether I see the same 30 people every week or 300. I think the most important thing is to know what my options are and whether I am happy with them.

12 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:

We could all get on dating apps, message and Skype girls indefinitely. Man dating apps and in person approaching were always really hard for me. I feel like I might just be stuck being single unless I get set up with someone. My only idea for joining a group was anime club. I'm kind of tired of looking for churches too. So . . . if that doesn't net me a girlfriend after a time. I'll probably be on that single forever life or bite the bullet and try to dating app again.

How do you all feel about dating apps anyways?

The webinar about social media I saw yesterday, even if it was for the big influencers (with thousands of followers), was interesting and applicable even for "normal people", so I took some notes. I believe dating apps are social media too. I currently operate on a few for a week and I got a few matches, but no conversations. I think I need to re-adjust, so any advice is welcome, at least until this quarantine thing is over, so I can go out normally. I think dating apps are going to become redundant for me after that point, simply because I think the more organic connections created that way are better.

I think of my profile as business cards I throw into a crowd of (single?) women. By that point, I do not worry about it anymore. I tried to make it look as good as I could and I got my profile out there. It beats having nothing at least and if nobody's interested, the chances are it's because my business card is shitty (so I have shitty marketing), rather than being a shitty person.

When creating my first profiles back in 2017, I literally had troubles finding enough photos with my face, let alone some of them that were at least remotely recent. Currently, all of my photos (10) are taken less than a year ago. I think all of them describe what I do/my identity as well, but I suspect they are all too "rational/factual" and don't pack too much "inspirational/emotional/story" punch. I'm more than happy to share them and discuss this via PM, if anyone's interested.

I also think that any dating app is as good as any, as long as you are not running out of people on it, though I agree the demographic will vary. There are specific categories of people, like anime fans, gamers or nature fans. I think there's even a dating app specifically for Christians.

The last thing I heard on the webinar yesterday was the difference between the "hunter" and the "fisher" on social media; I wonder if @James Good is familiar with this. "Hunters" actively contact people and try to initiate the conversation. "Fishers" sit there and have people contact them. The guy with thousands of followers on FB can still send a few requests, but mostly people want to contact him by that point.

Transposing this to dating apps, I think that is the reason why one study showed that 85% of men get hardly any swipes, whereas the 15% get almost all of them. So once a man is desired by women on dating apps, he is desired hard.

Having all this written down, I suppose it's time to get out and try to shoot a few photos of myself 😄

Day 339:

I read the book, took a walk, had a short workout, worked with my team-leader on Forex and saw a webinar on social media in the evening.

I have to say that yesterday and today, I was full of energy. It could be just that I found meaningful stuff to replace the meaningful stuff I would normally do.

11 minutes ago, ceponatia said:

Also I have a pretty persistent cough and some chest pain right now. Not going to freak out because I've thought I had COVID twice already and I haven't been in contact with anyone who is sick as far as I know... but we'll see.

Haha, I started going outside, because the gym on the dorms closed. I think on Sunday I walked too fast, chilled outside for too long and I sneezed a few times the days after. It makes me think what is the true killer in this scenario 🙂

3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Creating is the tough thing. I think I want to play the drums because it's aggressive. I have these tendencies to want to lose my mind, smash things, and go on an adrenaline rush. Heavy metal music is a device that has helped me hone that energy into something relatable and tangible. It comforts me. The aggressive yelling and sounds makes me feel like I'm where I belong. It has drawn me to the drums. I recognize the beats every time and I want to smash along with it.

I feel the same. I used to listen to indie rock before I quit gaming. Nowadays my choice is hard rock and I even like rocking to Rammstein and I think not only because I am learning German on Duolingo. The energy shift is obvious.

3 hours ago, James Good said:

Sexual energy is what propels men to greatness. It's what made men move mountains, build skyscrapers, and create incredible works of art. Men without sex drive are generally lacking in testosterone, and testosterone is the life blood of a man. It keeps you motivated, driven, energetic, and always hungry for more. Gaming + porn addicts are severely lacking T.

I was going out quite regularly and I can say that after a week without any regular interaction with women, my drive is quite great. I just want to do something in general. Anything.

3 hours ago, James Good said:

I think you've got two options:

• Find a woman
• Create

Considering the first option is unlikely given the current situation, I'd recommend funnelling all of that energy into something epic. It doesn't matter what. Just create something. Art, a business, anything.

In the past few days, I started funneling time into learning trading currencies on Forex and getting myself back on the dating apps/sites. I figured it is one of the few ways to meet new women and if not "meet" in person, then at least to set up for it once the quarantine is lifted and we'll be able to go out again normally.

That written, I remember you stating somewhere you were quite expert at creating good dating profiles. Would you kindly share your secrets in one of your upcoming videos regarding this topic? 😄

2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

What is Forex?

From what I was currently able to gather, it is about trading currencies online. I figured I might start learning something new, given this quarantine will be in effect for at least another month.

2 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:

Are you nervous about dating with the virus going around?

Not really, it would actually be kind of cool to go on a date in a ghost town 😄

Day 338:

I spent most of my day researching into Forex and dating apps/sites. I went for a walk. I also had a workout with 50 pushups, 50 squats and 50 sit-ups. I got fed up, because my back started to hurt, as I have to spend more time sitting. I'm happy I have something to keep my mind busy.

1 hour ago, Amphibian220 said:

Ikar, what army have you served in? Could you give some insight as to how good it was for your personal development.

Is there an opportunity to develop communication skills or is it way too disciplined and strict for that.

I served as a student and then I dropped out and became a radio operator. It showed me that nothing good comes without putting in the work. I was obedient for the most part, but I wasn't disciplined and that showed when I quit. I think I talked to people more compared to when I was at high school though; after all, I managed to get into my first relationship during that time.

Day 336:

I read, did Duo, went for a walk, worked on my blog and went to play board-games way into the night. I gotta call it earlier the next time.

Day 337:

I did Duo, went for a walk and worked on my blog. I also did research into Forex.

---

The past week feels like a blur. Not being able to go out regularly (and to the gym) as planned affected my ability to work during the morning and afternoon. I'm adjusting slowly and I got the website done though. It's okay.

I also notice the difference between being able to socialize in person X using the Internet chats and dating apps. It is a LANDSLIDE. I have a feeling I am just going to hug the shit out of everyone once this quarantine is over.

12 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:

Ok. Father is the typical bread winner in the family. As such he spends significant time away from his son. The son is unaware of what the father does beyond his explanations and then it may not even sound so exciting and encouraging. Father’s energy may be lacking at the end of the day (especially if he is pushing his limits to achieve a better well being for his family as a whole). So the television set or the internet will have more time to influence his child. 

So what can this Dad do? If he throws away the tv set and the smart phone, buys all sorts of learning toys and games, teaches the kid to exercise, he will be healthier, but still the father will need to put in a LOT of effort to build trust and understanding with the kid.

The commerce bombards and programs the kid a lot. So it is an uphill struggle.

I am of the opinion that father's role in the family is to provide more of the "cold love" (discipline, direction guidance, responsibility) and mom's role is to provide more of the "warm love" (hugs and emotional connection) for their kids. I'm not dogmatic, but I think it works that way in the typical family.

The typical family is also primarily thought of being a father, a mother and their kids. I also think it is correct to say fathers genuinely have less time/more obstacles in spending time with their kids than moms due to work and other activities.

The issue with that is the typical child in today's age, unless they have a caring father that can be there for them every day, has no good masculine model. Primary and secondary schools? Most of the teachers are women. Parents are divorced? Likely spending more time with mom than with dad.

I also like the idea my friend presented that lives of males tend to be more extreme. Most of the famous world-leading personalities are men. Most of the homeless people are men too. I also think it also partly explains why most gaming addicts are males as @James Good pointed out once on a podcast. When I set out to do something, I absolutely love it when I can give it my 150%. Gaming/streaming did that for me. Hunt down the mammoth and then rest, as it used to be in the past.

---

Above are good statistical arguments for how difficult is it to raise a child (boy) in today's age. I'm gonna present you with some questions now based on how you structured your post. Take time to answer them.

Are you sure you prioritize your life correctly, if you are lacking energy at the end of the day as a father? Do you work to help your family? Or do you work to evade your family duties? Do you live to work? Or do you work to live?

Do you think raising a child should be easy, or difficult? Are you willing to let go of some materialistic goods to spend more time with your family?

---

Some other thoughts; I'm writing them down, because I am writing a blog post on a topic close to this.

Gaming addicts tend to not be poor in a way that would threaten their survival. It takes time (and money) to afford the "luxury" of being addicted. It explains why most people on GQ are from the West (USA, UK, Japan, Germany). People in e.g. Chad do not have these issues, because they quite literally cannot afford to have them.

Good after-school activities might help.

Anything that makes sense is an "uphill struggle". You can worry about your child getting addicted to Internet. Your father could worry about you getting addicted to TV. People in 1800s worried about 50% child mortality rate. The parameters of the games are set, but whether you will or will not have kids is your choice.

2 hours ago, Talby said:

I understand the social connection arguments around gaming, but I didn't have that. I shut myself away from people to game because I was escaping from some stuff, not sure what yet cause my counselling hasn't started. I made friends through hobbies outside of gaming when I was younger and my relationships with them only suffered when I retreated again. 

Personally, and this is purely opinion, I don't buy into the career talk and social side of gaming with twitch and YouTube. I know people are making money, I get that because every time I raise a concern I get bludgeoned with the same argument again and again. It feels very Hollywood, where everyone looks happy and putting on an awesome face because that's what they need to do to get the views, sponsors, donations etc. I'm happy for people who make something of it, they've clearly got a touch of the innovative about them coupled with a good support network. But I worry about the greater % hanging on their every word, just as with other celebrities in other industries. 

And that's the key for me. Nobody sees the reality of the rise to fame and glory. If articles encouraging people to increase their time gaming are going to pop up as 'advice' on websites that are supposed to be reputable, it makes them no better than clickbait in my eyes because every person's life is different. It's time you just can't get back and if you don't have families that essentially keep you whilst you indulge then you're risking an awful lot, particularly during a pandemic like this.

I hope nobody thinks I'm being harsh. I'm very passionate about these issues from working with vulnerable kids and adults in the past. I'm happy gaming isn't stigmatised as much as it used to be when I was a kid, however at the same time I do feel that the current trend of it becoming so mainstream and high profile is only sucking more gullible people in with the simple aim of pumping as much money out of them as possible.

I believe that since addictions are unconscious, then they mirror our unconscious needs perfectly. @BooksandTrees , @James Good or I are former ex-streamers. My real-world social interactions sucked, so I started with a blank slate online, posting on various forums and streaming. Gaming is a world within a world and it really was whatever I wanted it to be. It was a bit different for each of us.

I think we'll pull through. Gaming is living its golden age now. Before that, it was TV, alcohol or tobacco. Are people wasting their time and money and eventually dying? Yes. Is money being made off of that? Yes. It's always been like that and I think it always will be.

I don't think I am being cynical though. I was supposed to be giving a talk in about a month in one community center regarding my gaming addiction (or rather, just talking about my life). I just think that if you "get bludgeoned with the same argument again and again", you're better off finding an audience that might be receptive to the message you are trying to convey.

2 hours ago, Talby said:

Creating more addicts and leaving parents, carers, key workers etc at a loss when they're considered less of an authority than some dude on YouTube.

The sad part is that all those parents, teachers and other people with authority likely did not contribute as much as they could to the development of the child (adult), if "some dude on YouTube" has more influence over the child's (adult's) life. The question should be "How can I become a parent my child could look up to and follow as an example?", not "How can I stop my child from being addicted?"