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Everything posted by Splitstep

  1. Day 171 (42|129) (18/06/19) Tuesday I've found Francis Chan's 'Crazy Love' at the Lyall Flat a few days ago and they let me borrow it! I've read the videos on it and so I was really excited to finally be able to read the book! When Francis Chan said, "Dare to imagine what it would mean for you to take the words of Jesus seriously." I thought of Grandma Clara. That is how I want to be! Lately, I've been slack with making personal time with Him, and have been choosing to spend my time on everything but that! Ugh. When I wake up, what I want to do is to get started on my day and enjoy the gifts of life, but not the giver! But I want to love God as she does! This morning, I was able to roll out of bed and pray first thing, and it was GREAT! Honestly, it was sooooo good, thanking and talking to Him, it was legitimately the highlight of my day! I can't believe that I didn't want to do it! I was able to help my friend out with computer science (Python), I did the course last year and he has the exam for it on Thursday. It felt good to revise and help him out, I really like helping and teaching people. And I'm really excited that I'm able to play tennis tomorrow! In fact, I'm even more excited that I'm excited about playing tennis! Oh, I've missed you SO MUCH tennis!
  3. Day 166 (42|124) (13/06/19) Thursday Hey, it has been a while 😅 sorry that I haven't been posting. It's exam period and I have one today at 9:30am! Maybe that's why I can't get to sleep, nerves or something. I studied at home the whole day, with no major social interaction and it was so hard, I was itching to go to uni and see my friends. And as I was lying in bed I was reflecting back to the days (that were not so long ago) that I'd play video games for 8-10 hours every day and not get bored! Well, Overwatch was kinda 'social' cause you use mics, but still, I wouldn't call it social interaction. I found it quite intriguing because I think today has been the first day in months that I've had zero social interaction, every other day I would either by studying with friends, going to events, church, etc. and there have been numerous times where I've felt like it's just too much social activity for me and I wanna go and have some alone time! And today, it was the complete opposite; it was too much alone time! Speaking of social stuff, I've decided that games are appropriate to play if I'm playing with someone else in real life, so they're right next to you. Video games are good to play with friends, bond over and create moments and memories! Like I really want to play Celeste, It's an amazing game, nominated for Game Of The Year, but it's singleplayer. I just don't see the value of it if I'm not building a relationship by creating moments with people. And likewise with watching stuff like movies or Netflix. So that's why I'm not gonna watch Stranger Things 3 (as tempting as it is cause it's just been released!) because I'll be watching it by myself and I can spend my time on much better things like spending time with God or with friends and family. It may seem like it sucks a bit now but I know it'll be worth it in the end.
  4. Day 142 (42|100) (20/05/19) Monday Feeling discouraged, overwhelmed and a failure (even though I knew that God didn't see me like that and that He loves me regardless), I broke down so many times that day, and typical me, when I knew tears were coming I ran and hid. I actually had no will to do anything. I wrote how I felt, lamented, prayed, and in the evening, God gave me peace. It's indescribable. (A few days later Philippians 4:7 was the verse of the day and that was the verse for that moment!) Although the situation didn't change, the sense of peace made such a difference. It was so surreal. It made me realise that He really is with me and listening and understands how I feel. I felt more connected and appreciative of Him. It was a big day.
  5. Day 141 (42|99) (19/05/19) Sunday Met up with my bible study leader and I told him that I'm gonna keep going to UniConnect. However, I felt uncomfortable with that decision because I was spending little time with my family, so I thought to drop UniConnect to make more time for that. But I felt that God was wanting me to still go to UniConnect so that was what I chose, despite me feeling not so sure about it. Trust in God, He makes time for those that seek Him. My leader told me that he experienced during the week was to rely on facts cause feelings are not always the best indicator. I thought that was cool but didn't think too much of it. Then there was church and some guys from RICE came along which was really cool! Afterward, they invited me to have dinner and do a final worship night. During worship, I didn't feel God's presence as much as the previous nights and I was really scared cause everyone else seemed to be feeling it, and it wasn't until after it that I remembered what my leader shared with me and I was like woahhh God set that all up! My bible study leader going through that, then him telling me what he experienced and learned from it, then me experiencing something similar and so having a better understanding what it means to trust facts, not feelings! I was able to talk to my friend that night, thank you God. It felt good to let stuff out, and they gave solid advice. It was so encouraging seeing how hard they were going the Lord, all for Him. And to be honest, I felt discouraged at the same time cause I was struggling with stuff, and I wanted to be like them; all for God! Jason gave me a ride back and we had our classic in-the-car dmc and I told him everything that was on my mind and he reminded me that I did pray for trials and hardship at the start of the year 😂
  6. Right after that post on May 25th, I was writing all the things that have happened and then I had to go do something, and it's been so busy that every moment there is something to do and I haven't written anything for so long... today was the last day of lectures for the semester, and everything has been handed in! MASS RELIEF. All assignments, tutorials, and projects are done!!! But exams are starting in about a weeks time 😬 so I'm not completely done! I'll do my best to recall what has gone on the past few days!
  7. Yeeeee well it's been a few days... a lot has gone on and it's been quite the rollercoaster, not just this week but throughout this journal AHAHAHAHA. I should be writing but I haven't, mainly because I've been so busy and I know that it usually takes me half an hour to write a small entry and over an hour to write a large one because I try to structure it really nicely, but I should just freestyle it.
  8. Day 140 (42|98) (18/05/19) Saturday Wow. Great are you lord. Holy, holy, holy! I have experienced and learned so much these past few days, and I know this description cannot do it justice. The RICE movement came to Christchurch for a short trip and I was so so excited, I've heard about them and I've seen videos of what they do, but yeah on Thursday and Friday there was worship and prayer and it was the first time I experienced true worship. God's spirit was moving powerfully in all of us, and I really did feel His presence. I lifted my hands up for the first time during worship and it felt so right. To me, it's as a sign of saying; God I surrender everything and I want to give everything to you. Closing my eyes and imagining God from the descriptions of Isaiah 6 and Revelation 4 fills me with such awe and wonder. It was pretty amazing the timing of God, our church has been doing a series on Holiness and worship helped me to understand that a lot better. I laid down ALL my burdens, doubts (such as UniConnect), worries and sins before God, repented and it felt so good and liberating, and the worship got stronger! Everybody there are such faithful, God-fearing people and it was such a joy getting to know the people there, and also I recognised A LOT of people and I didn't realise that they were Christian! I've been praying for a wee while, 'I give my life to you God. Use me as you wish', and on Thursday Steve said that if anybody wanted to say that prayer, come to one of the people standing up (we were sitting down). I went to one of the guys, and I just broke down when telling him about how I've been praying this prayer for a bit, yet I still feel lost with my studies (Day 67) and wondering if I'm actually listening to God and therefore I'm questioning if this is where He wants me (Day 110). He prayed for me, and he realised that I was an engineer, and he says that he thinks that God led me to him because he had was an engineer doing his master's thesis, and he wasn't sure what God wanted him to do so he prayed that 'if He [God] didn't want him to do engineering, close that door for him.' And God answered his prayer by preventing his thesis from being able to be completed, and now he is a pastor! Pray big and bold prayers, with faith! And today, God told me that I have not been expressing His love to one of my friends and I pray that I can see and talk to them one more time before they leave.
  9. Splitstep

    We continue

    That's okay man, take what you've learned from that and move on! You got this :))
  10. Day 136 (42|94) (14/05/19) Tuesday I am so torn on whether to still go to UniConnect or not. This feels like the hardest decision of my life. I don't know what to do. Please pray for me.
  11. Day 135 (42|93) (13/05/19) Monday The Mark Drama (a play of the Gospel of Mark), was so powerful and it brought the book to life! The acting was so good and it felt so real. Jesus praying in the garden of Gethsemane and seeing and hearing his anguish was so moving. I felt so convicted during the Pilate scene because I was with the crowd in choosing Barnabus and Jesus' crucifixion. And Jesus being flogged, hammered on the cross and hanging from it was honestly so hard to watch and hear, the moans of pain hit hard with me, realising the amount of suffering Jesus took because He loved us so much and He wanted us to be back with God. Afterwards, while having food, I met Zayn who is exploring Christianity, and I felt really comfortable talking to him and we ended up talking about various things for over 3 hours and we only stopped because the library was closing! My heart felt so happy and full for the convo we had and the connection we made, praise God for making it all happen! I made a new friend today 😄
  12. Day 133 (42|91) (11/05/19) Saturday Something God has been convicting and reminding me in prayer for the past month or so of a hat that I stole at least 2 years ago and I think I know whose it belongs to. The thought process when stealing the hat was pretty much the same as in Genesis 3:6 'So when the woman saw that the tree was good... she took of its fruit...' and Genesis 6:2 'the sons of God saw that the daughters of man were attractive (good). And they took as their wives any they chose. ' I saw that the hat looked good/cool and I took it. And every time I'm reminded of it, I'd move it to later. Well today, I sent him a message with a photo of the hat, asking if it was his. He currently hasn't replied. Some background about Nic: Is one year younger, so he is in his 1st year at uni this year. Knew each other in high school through tennis and badminton but got to know each other properly this year cause we study/hang out together. I told him that I became a Christian and he's been constantly saying 'bro you're too Christian' for so many things, like swearing, explicit content and... sleeping early!? It's good that he sees something different with me but I want him to know that being a Christian is not about being a good person and the transformation God has made on me. Some background about Blair; From the North Island, met him this year through my friends because they play badminton. His parents are Christian. Went to an Anglican high school, but he says that he is not Christian. He cracks up every time I say, ' Big Chungus' 😂 Last night I walked home with Nic and there was an opportunity for me to create a spiritual conversation but I didn't make it happen and I was fed up with that, there were also two opportunities with another friend with Blair this week which I didn't act upon. Nic hinted that he would like to play a game of tennis and I prayed that evening that we would be able to hit tomorrow and that I would be able to share the gospel with him. We managed to make a time and we played which was fun and at the end, we were packing up, about to leave our separate ways and I was so sad cause I didn't get to share the gospel to him. But then he followed me to my bike and sat down on a bench beside it, browsing on his phone... I was like 'okay God, this is it, you've given me an opportunity, please gimme a kick to start speaking about you'. I sat beside him and after a talk about gaming and then some silence I said, 'You know how much God means to me. I have this app (GodTools) that helps explain my faith. Would you mind me sharing this with you and you can tell me what you think?' He said sure and we went through the Knowing God Personally (KGP) booklet and it was really cool but he got distracted 3 times and started searching stuff up on his phone. Two times I was able to bring it back in but the last time he got distracted was when we went through 'During the forty days after he [Jesus] suffered and died, he appeared to the apostles...' and he was like oh that reminds me of the twelve apostles in Melbourne 😂 (collection of limestone stacks) and searches that up and starts talking about his experience there. And then he forgot about the KGP and stood up and the conversation moved on from there... He did seem to be open and understand it up to that point, admitting that he is a sinner. It was a really cool experience; sharing to a friend! God made it all happen and used me to do it which is such an honour! I pray for continued openness and more spiritual conversations!
  13. Day 132 (42|90) (10/05/19) Friday 90 STRAIGHT DAYS OF NO GAMING Boy oh boy, it has been a surreal journey and I'm glad it's not over; I'm here for the long haul bois! I do not regret the decision to completely quit gaming whatsoever! Thank you @Cam Adair for creating this loving community, your passion for this cause and putting everything you have into this! You've changed my life! Thank you so much @Mouxine, @zeke365, @Deku, @Average_Guy, @TwoSidedLife, @Lea, @Leo The Revenat, @Hobedaga, @JPAO, @goodbill, @Sapuverell, @30_yrs_of_gaming for your support and taking the time to write comments and caring for me! It's made the journey a lot of fun and each of your stories greatly encourages me! Writing this journal every day has not been easy but it has been well worth it, it's helped me see how I've lived my day out, see how God has been working and it's nice to reflect on past days. I'm really grateful for every day, especially my relapse (Day 42) it's been a good reminder when temptations are strong. God has been shaped me so much during this time, it's been absolutely mind-boggling how fast he's going! Before this, people were saying, 'Man you're growing so fast!' but they didn't know that I was stunting my growth because of selfishness and stubbornness, and I actually wasn't close to God at all, I was doing things out of duty and not even talking to Him, reading His word or acknowledging the great things he has done. I was a lukewarm Christian. During all this, God has done so much to me. There was a point when my attitude changed from 'oh man it's time to go to church' to 'yay it's church time!' and that was a big shock when I realised what God did. God has given me a passion for prayer and reading the Bible, and He has been guiding and convicting me heaps through both. It still boggles me looking at my prayer life and quiet time before and after I started this... The time that I've spent with God instead of gaming and youtube and social media has been invaluable! I wouldn't trade any of it! I am more aware of God's presence acting around me, thankful for everything moment and gifts He provides and I love and trust Him more than ever. Life has its ups and downs, but God has always been there to humble me and lift me up. And that is why I am not afraid of anything. Thank you so much, God, you are my everything ❤️
  14. Day 131 (42|89) (09/05/19) Thursday I stayed at uni til 10pm with Kevin, Blair, and Nic. Kevin told me about an issue that had come up...
  15. Aww man tough day... well done on not giving in to temptation! Stay strong, take it one step at a time. Have a good night's rest bro, you deserve it. Praying for you!
  16. Day 130 (42|88) (08/05/19) Wednesday I got to hear from Julie Collins - Head of Forestry New Zealand! She was doing a seminar and since I don't know much about Forestry and didn't know who she was, I got bored and nearly fell asleep. It was at around 30 minutes in that I searched her up and when I saw her title I was WOKE for the rest of it 😂
  17. Day 129 (42|87) (07/05/19) Tuesday Last night as I copied a document on a printer at uni, I forgot to take back the original document after and I only realised when I was at home and the library was already closed! But amazingly, when I went back at noon it was still there! But as I took it, I left my gloves on a table and didn't realise until late in the evening as I was unlocking my bike! As I walked to the library I prayed, asking if God could somehow pull off another miracle. I made it 15 mins before closing, and they had my gloves!! I was both so astonished and happy 😁
  18. Day 128 (42|86) (06/05/19) Monday Cause of the long talk with Jason I went to bed quite late like nearly 1am OwO soooo I was too tired to get up at 7am (I tried) and instead went to uni at 11am, had classes for 3 hours and then worked on the laboratory report with my friend/classmate Perry (unfortunately he is not a platypus (well as far as I'm concerned)) till now so like for 5 hr 30 mins straight boiiiii and I'm quite happy with the work I got done and now I'm gonna go home ayyyy
  19. Day 127 (42|85) (05/05/19) Sunday Mum and Dad went to morning church :D and I went to the evening service. From reading James I've been trying to think about how I'm going to act differently in light of what I've learned at church tonight and it's hard with the topic (Holiness). One of the guys that is on my prayer buddies' list came to church for the firs time and I got to meet him which was super exciting and cool! After church went to Jason's house to do homework and also ended up talking (this usually happens now xD) for quite a long time about ALL sorts of things, which was nice UwU
  20. Day 126 (42|84) (04/05/19) Saturday Oh boy, this was so so convicting... I show favoritism, even though God didn't do it to us, to me: a broken, ugly, disgusting being. No, out of His love He went after and rescued me! It's the last thing I should be doing! I had a good time at the UniConnnect hangout however, I forgot to talk to my leaders about how I feel like I need to change my schedule and all that... erm I still need to address it, so I guess it will have to be at the next UniConnect.
  21. @JPAO HAHAHAHA bruh it ain't quite like that xD it's about being intentional with the relationships God has given especially the ones that aren't Christian, so for me, that would be my parents and mates. Thanks bro, just taking it one step at a time and I'm learning a lot about myself and God! Hope things are going well with you too John :))
  22. Day 125 (42|83) (03/05/19) Friday Got 9 hours of sleep which was nice but I was in bed, thinking about the meet up with Jackson and feeling guilty and sad, then I noticed the sun's rays entering from the top of the curtains and it reminded me that God's mercy and compassion are 'new every morning' (Lamentations 3:22-23), and that made me feel renewed and helped me to move on from it! And today was quite chill thankfully and it allowed me to recharge. My parent's shop has been put onto the market, please pray with me that it would be sold quickly so that they can go to The Bridge's Bible Study on Fridays and learn more about Jesus!
  23. Day 124 (42|82) (02/05/19) Thursday Got 7 hours of sleep again, I think it's at least 3 days in a row, but managed to get up and do quiet time! The laboratory went pretty well, now I have to write the report. Amos (the guy that went to Crossroads and told me how encouraged he was from it) joined our Action Group!!! And AG went well, we're starting a new series on Relational Evangelism. I do need to spend more time prepping for AG though. I was feeling exhausted by this time and when Jason and I met Jackson, it sucks so much to say it but I was flat, stoic. They knew that I was tired, but it pained me so much. This precious time with someone that means a lot to me and I don't see often, and I was acting like this... it got me thinking back to Day 60 when I burnt out due to cumulative lack of sleep (like now!) and a busy schedule (like now!). I can see it coming again, so something needs to change with my schedule because it's the reason that I'm not getting enough sleep. I'm going to a hangout event with my UniConnect group on Saturday and hopefully, I'll be able to talk to my leader about it. Please pray for that, thank you.
  24. Day 123 (42|81) (01/05/19) Wednesday Today was a very busy, tiring and awesome day! I was praying the previous night for strength to get up early to do quiet time and He gave me it! Finished the book of Acts (God's transformation of Saul/Paul, WOW) and now starting on James! God also really pulled me through the midday and evening when I was super tired. One thing I learned is that prayer and thanksgiving go together. I mainly do prayers of requests, but doing a prayer today just thanking God for who He is, was so awesome and felt really good 😊
  25. Day 122 (42|80) (30/04/19) Tuesday I went to bed at 11pm and I was so tired I couldn’t open my eyes at 7am so I decided to skip the 8am lecture and instead watch the recording of it lol. But I haven’t done morning quiet time for 2 days in a row 😞( I’m a bit worried about a laboratory on Thursday because I don’t really understand the experiment and there is a report due 3 weeks after... but fear in terms with studying kinda helps me because it stops me from procrastinating xD I'm soooo tired right now my eyesssss are so heavy 😪 I always have long days at uni (at least 10 hours) and today l felt it... ah well at least it keeps me occupied and away from gaming and social media! Aight good chat I'll see you tomorrow Zzzzzz
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