fawn_xoxo

@seriousjay Hey Jay, I think at this point in time it's you who has to ask yourself some very important questions. Like, do I want to make a project out of this person? Because if you follow your subconscious ego and "Saviour complex" as it's often called, you might invest time and energy in this woman to try and pull her out of the swamp that is addiction, but all of us here know that it is only possible if the addict herself puts in the work and has the will power and deep desire to change. So do you really want to engage with her seeing her like a work in progress project? It will be a situation out of balance and what's worse is she might drag you back into games with her. The signs are obvious, lack of direction in life, social awkwardness maybe multiplied by gaming. So, keep that in mind and ask yourself another question: Can you engage with her as a person to person not lowering your standards just because she's an addict? Is spending time with her interesting, fun? What qualities does she have that you like? And if you don't know the answers that's okay but keep asking yourself from time to time. Maybe when you go out, ask her a lot of questions about herself just like you did already. How did you feel when she was looking at her phone and not speaking to you, on the date?

The community helps me in exactly the same way Silver and I realized it almost in sync with you! Also, Momento, yaaaay! Fight club next?

Day 28, Friday November 30th 2018No sugar dayNo gaming day 10 to-be-filled

We've spoken about things like these a lot but I'm still going to post here to suggest a few very useful books. It's my opinion that you have to put in the mental work to get results in your mental health and that's both education and practice. Six Pillars of Self-Esteem https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/79352.Six_Pillars_of_Self_Esteem Mind over mood: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/108380.Mind_Over_Mood You're doing great, keep up the introspection and the good efforts man!

I think what we tell ourselves is really important. Do you want to play a game? Is that your desire? Or is it an urge? Or is it a feeling? Or is it just a habit you have created for yourself via repetition? In the past I struggled a lot with having these feelings and most times I was torn: maybe I just love games, I told myself, and went back to them so many times. Maybe I have a passion for them and passions are okay right? And again I went back to them. But all those times I relapsed and delayed facing my reality what I didn't do is stop and be with those urges and feelings to understand them. What I didn't do is ask myself if it's right to let a feeling that comes now and leaves the next moment decide what I do in life. Because when we get these urges I think we should stop and ask ourselves, how do we want ourselves to be, look and behave? What are our life ideals, what are our values? And if I go ahead and do what I feel like doing, will I be closer to who I want to be or will I be farther from who I want to be? I think you ought to stop and ask yourself those questions too. I think maybe the worst habit technology is giving us is wanting everything to move fast and never stopping, to just be for a while. In this context, we all need to stop for a bit. Just stop, observe, consider.

Hello Shine! Since you use a physical journal already, I suggest you try this: start your day by writing down as many pros and cons you can think of to gaming. Be really thorough, think deeply into yourself, and find what the games do that is to your future self's benefit and what is to your future self's disadvantage. Because where you are now is the sum of the choices you made before, but the choices you make today are defining who you'll be tomorrow. It's up to you and who you want to be! Try to find who you want to be, then try to meet that self expectation with actions: it brings all of us the greatest satisfaction to live according to our own values and goals.

One relapse doesn't define you, so don't lose hope. The members above me wrote everything right so I won't say anything they already said so well - but what I have to tell you is, find out that why. Successful people look for the lesson in the bad situations and that's how they become stronger and smarter and wiser. So look into yourself and find out why you went back, what that says about your mind workings and so on. This way you're making the best out of this mistake, using it to learn more about yourself and be better next time. You can do better, with more self knowledge. Keep up the good work, you didn't really ruin anything, you still did 90 days off gaming. But do some introspection to use this experience for better results in the future!

Day 25-27, Tuesday-Thursday November 27-29th 2018 No sugar days 1-3No gaming day 7-9 I've been making considerable progress now that I've started planning my day from the previous one, it is a trick to hold myself accountable to the planner. ? I have been thinking about my online friends and how the ones I thought were the best ones haven't spoken to me at all through out this time, all these days, no word from them. And I feel bitter about it. I recognize and accept this feeling, but it sucks to see a bad truth. Sucks that they don't care about me as a person at all. Sucks that they told me how they valued me, that I had honest conversations about real life with them, mostly about their lives too, but now that I'm not in the game they haven't thought of sending me a message to see how I'm doing. For anyone reading this, no I'm not asking for attention via my absence. I just had a couple of people I thought were friends with me as person to person, not gamer to gamer, and I've been let down by them before, but I guess the disappointment is saying I was hoping they'd be better now that we solved some past issues. Been waking up early and starting work gradually at a right time. On Wednesday I did 3 hours of work and yesterday, on Tuesday, almost 3 and a half. I am practicing discipline with myself. Yesterday, Thursday, I didn't put any sugar in my tea. I've been waning off sugar gradually cause I've re-watched -The bitter truth- and I don't want to be addicted to sugar or poisoning my body slowly long term. Overall I'm pretty happy with myself right now and it's obvious to me that removing those 4 hours of gaming I initially had included was crucial for this lifestyle change. Without doing this, my mind would still be prioritizing those hours over everything else. Later I'm probably writing my routine, to share with you guys what a change I'm speaking of compared to how I survived before (cause it wasn't a life, it was just surviving).

Well done! Reading this and the feedback you received, I feel happy for you! Great job Silver!?

You aren't alone in having those thoughts, in the past I've had them as well and I've succumbed to them many times which only delayed me. They lead to relapse. It's still early, too early to even think you are ready to do gaming in a healthy way. Maybe you can soothe yourself by telling yourself "I can't play yet." Maybe in two years or so, you might. But most of the people here, me included, yeah we're the same as alcoholics in this regard and that's okay. We're getting better. Keep up the good work - and when you experience these negative feelings, embrace them and try to see what message they're giving you.

I struggle with discipline and procrastination a lot myself, so I'll share with you what I've read: don't put free time before you do your important things. Start your day with the three things that are most important to you in priority order, in example programming, learning the language and then playing instrument. Why? Because we are limited by our human brain and body and they gradually get more tired the more time passes, and that means less motivation to do the difficult tasks or those which requires discipline. I actually tried planning my day from the day before, putting specific tasks at specific times and even though the first day wasn't 100% success, it was still much better than all the days I had no schedule for.

Good job on being games free despite it all! Think about how a lot of us, maybe you too, used to avoid those negative situations by gaming, but no! You dealt with it! Keep it up!

You are doing so well, you should be very proud of yourself! You faced your fears (and I know exactly what you mean with those descriptions!) and you stayed with the negative feelings without giving up, which made your brain realize it wasn't that bad as the end results proved to it that the fears weren't based in reality. You are now stronger than before in this aspect of life and mental health too!

I also think about gaming sometimes, it's normal, it's been part of our lives for so long right? In a previous post you said you shouldn't wait for your friend to send you learning material, and I agree. Discipline yourself, force yourself to start doing something for your goal, just for ten minutes. Use it as a trick. Say to your brain that you only need to stay in this task for ten minutes. You'll see you will not only stay for ten minutes , probably but even if you do, it's better than zero!

@SuperSaiyanGod The way you describe life, it sounds like everything is stressing you out. Is it possible for you to reach out to someone in your location to help you with evaluating options to make your life less tense? You deserve peace and calm, you deserve happiness and joy. The negative emotions we all experience are useful in that they are warnings that tell us to take some action. In this sense, your stress is an indicator that you need to make changes in your life for more balance. You aren't alone in feeling overwhelmed, but be sure, once we get used to life's real circumstances and stop avoiding it all via gaming and other mind numbing distracting activities, we become more and more capable in dealing with it all and dealing with it well.

Day 22-24, Saturday-Monday November 24-26th 2018No sugar day No gaming day 4-6Thoughts Just been recovering, did around 1.5 hr of work on Sunday and a tiny bit today. Tracking for today, MondayCalories: More or less correct!Water: Over 2000 ml, yaaaaas! Sugar: A dessert and 2 teaspoons of honey in my teas.Work: A little bitEducation: 0Reading: 0Posture and speech: More conscious about the speech nowadays, not trying for the posture muchSleep quality: Been doing rather well as far as going to bed at the right time goes, though haven't been strict about waking up early during the last days. Tomorrow though.. I need to!

"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely." Henry Ford from https://www.inc.com/wanda-thibodeaux/25-quotes-that-will-help-you-recover-from-any-failure.html

Day 21, Friday November 23th 2018No sugar day No gaming day 3Thoughts I'm sickkkkkk.XD TrackingCalories: Didn't track, but noodle soup, a fruit and some proper food should be cool with the calorie count.Water: 1500ml Sugar: Ate a little praline over my fruit.Work: 0Education: 0Reading: 0Posture and speech: Sleep quality: Woke up multiple times but got up at around 11am, went to bed at 12:30 but didn't sleep until a little bit after 01:00. Dreamt about buying chocolates, really subconscious???? xD

I would suggest just not showing up for it, like your RL didn't allow you the online time. It's the concept of fake it until you make it, basically acting like you're already living the busy, productive life that doesn't have empty slots for you to game. So, what would you have done if your Saturday was suddenly occupied by RL plans or obligations? Would you inform your friend beforehand? You can do this in this case too. What would you do if your Saturday filled up unexpectedly? Maybe do this instead. If you feel comfortable with saying the truth raw as it is, that you're quitting etc, go ahead and do it, but in a way telling your friend you're too preoccupied to game isn't a lie either. You are preoccupied, with making these changes in your life, and they should have priority.

That's absolutely true. And for me, I've seen myself in the past being resistant to change and getting out of the comfort zone alas it's only through the discomfort of change that we can really reclaim our lives. I also don't want to spend time on the computer unless it's for work or education, for that we need to try those hobbies ideas, whatever works for each of us, and to stick with it even if at first it might be boring (compared to the dopamine of gaming real life in general might appear so). It's important to remember that our brain is going to adapt with months passing. You might find useful to look up the resources in reddit under NoSurf.

Day 20, Tuesday November 22th 2018No sugar day No gaming day 2Thoughts Felt good to actually do work even though doing some new things was scary at first (fear of failure). Once I was done with work I got gradually sicker and sicker, so right now I'm writing these with a full blown cold, stuffed nose and the like, it's so great that I couldn't start on the other hobbies and education cause of bad health! XDTrackingCalories: Two chocolate snacks over the right amountWater: Got it right!Sugar: BAD but will start my counter again tomorrow. Bounce, don't break!Work: 3 hoursEducation: 0Reading: 0Posture and speech: Didn't do muchSleep quality: Woke up at 8.30 am, got up 9:15 or so and started my day at 10 am. Finding my pillow now at 12:30, not baaaad.

@Samon I don't intend to work all day, just to actually work like every other responsible adult has to which I haven't done for months and been feeling resistant towards ever since I decided to change my life for the better. I intend to have 2 days off and free time every day still, but none of that will be spent on gaming.

I don't like sharing that sort of information either, and for me it's for two reasons: Firstly, when you announce that people will pay it too much attention, ask you about it and make it a thing to talk about. I'm like, no ty, this is my personal thing. Secondly, they might make it harder if they get emotional or worse, like being dramatic that you're going to disappear etc. Me personally? I have seen that 99% of gaming people only care about me because they want to game with me, it's just that, it stays dependent on the game and not necessarily or heavily on my personality, at all, which makes me say f_ck it, they don't need to know what I'm going through.

Day 17-19, Monday-Wednesday November 19-21th 2018No sugar day 9-11 Came back today with a new decision. No more gaming for me, this is now going to be cold turkey. So, adding to the counters: No gaming day 1 Spoke some more with my family and loved ones and also looked at my life more seriously and responsibly. I decided to establish specific work hours to keep to, even if my work does not require that, so that I can build discipline. I also decided to replace the rest of my hours with education on a few topics along with taking time to relax before bed, probably by reading and/or audiobooks. Will continue tracking like before from tomorrow onward. Gonna post a new template in the spoiler now. Wanted to thank you for the nice response @Silverlining

Day 14-16, Friday-Sunday November 16-18th 2018No sugar day 6-8 I'm AFK and mostly away from tech these last days, but I'm feeling so anxious about my life right now. Making the actual changes necessary seems so hard at this moment, scary, and I feel a part of me is resisting it so much. Going through an almost paralyzing anxiety moment right now and it's not fun, but I also know that this is related to how my self esteem has suffered because of my addiction's impact on my life. When you don't believe in yourself you're stuck and everything seems impossible. It feels so vulnerable to write these here. It's so difficult to accept that I'm in this situation, am responsible for it and have to deal with it, set aside admit it to an audience. Right now I'm also worrying about worrying, and being stuck in this anxiety with cognitive distortions that make me feel like I'm the worst person ever. I thought I was doing well regarding this negative thinking thing but old obsessive thoughts crept up on me and it's hard to practice the techniques for that stress, I've done it twice in the past days and I might have to do it again I guess. Maybe I've been numbing myself instead of actually having made the progress I thought in this field. Also being away from tech makes it easier to say that I should cut down my internet time in example, work properly and game even less (3 hours, not 4) but I'm afraid I'm weak and thinking of how hard it will be and getting overwhelmed for my return to the desk so to speak.