Silverlining

Thank you! You are right. The fact that selling them bothers me so much is a problem in itself! It's so obvious! How did I miss it!

I didn't get rid of all my gaming accounts and characters. There are this couple of characters that my hubby and I used to play in this mmorpg. It's the game where we met each other, and we are also "married" in that game. It's logical that we sell these characters rather than delete them because they are worth over $2000 in total. But I just can't do it. I made a pros and cons list, and it turns out the pros of selling them are getting the cash and to be easier to stay away from that game. Very reasonable. And the cons are that I will feel sad, and it will also hurt my husband's feelings, which makes me guilty. He was not really playing that game any more. He only went online when I wanted him to accompany me in the game. But he still has strong feelings for his game character. Of course he is willing to sell it for my sake, but I feel that it's unfair to hurt his feelings because of my problem. Also there are too many memories of the time we spent together in the game, and I guess those memories really mean something to us. Anyway, they are purely emotional reasons. The thought of getting rid of them bothers me so much that I feel I might as well keep them and just move on to my new life instead of spending time mourning on losing our game characters. There is another one. It's the 1st mmorpg that I ever played, and I spent tons of time in it for about 3 years. But one day I just stopped playing it. The game is no longer fun for me. I keep the account because of all the memories that I had, and I don't think it's gonna harm me. Am I making a big mistake? I don't know. I guess it's possible that this is the best for me. I have a binge eating problem. I used to eat a lot of snacks. My way to deal with it is not to stay away from snacks, but rather to buy a lot of them and store them at home. It may sound weird to you but doing this actually makes me feel secure(?) and eat less. Lack of "food storage" somehow has a pressure on me and it drives me to crave for sugar. I guess the human body has a similar mechanism. E.g. if you try to lose weight by starving yourself, your body will replenish all the fat you lose whenever it can. So, getting rid of the accounts can create too much stress for me, while keeping them can probably spare me the pain and make it easier for me to go on in my new life. Does it really make sense? Or am I just looking for excuses?

Among my game friends there was this saying: "You should go out, spend time with your family, go hiking and shopping, and read, etc. Then you will find out that gaming is much more fun." It's funny, because it's true! Gaming is fun and exciting. I suppose getting high is also a lot of fun, but I have never done drugs and I will always stay away from drugs. And for the same reason, I will stay away from games.

Day #10: One of my favorite novelists passed away today. May he rest in peace. I admire him not only for his remarkable talents, but also for his diligence. It occurs to me that even if I am gifted in some way, I would never be able to find out if I kept living in games. Today I am starting to gain weight after a week of running. Apparently my body has adapted to running 40 min a day. Although it's normal, I still feel a little anxious and discouraged. It's not as easy as losing weight in my early 20s any more. Anyway, I added yoga and some strength training to the formula. I watched a promotional video for the latest update of a mobile game that I used to play (I have sold the account so I feel it's safe to watch the video). It's so funny that when I saw the characters that I used to love, what I really saw were incorrect structures of human bodies. Some players used to complain about the poor quality of some pics in this game but I never cared or understood. After learning drawing for only a few hours, I can see the problem. And now I have even less respect for the game producer. At the end of one pomodoro session today, I felt that 20 min per session is a little bit short now. So I extended my work duration to 25 min. Studying for exam: 45 min Drawing: 50 min Online Course: 20 min Exercise: 55 min Reading for fun: 30 min

Hi William, I should have read this post earlier! I totally relate to your story. My parents also disciplined me so that I didn't have the chance to be addicted to gaming when I grew up. But it didn't stop me from being depressed and anxious. I was admitted to a good university and was surrounded by talented students who worked much harder than I did. With the peer pressure that I couldn't handle, I started gaming in junior year. I had been on the right path to be a PhD in my field, but I ruined it with game addiction. I also went through my applications and interviews with grad schools perfunctorily. Expectedly, I didn't get any PhD offer and ended up with a M.S. admission in my safety school. I did manage to stop gaming during grad school, and yet the worst part began after I graduated. Feeling inadequate, I didn't pursue a PhD again. Instead, I got a job, which I don't like. The company that I work for is not doing well. My job is not challenging or fulfilling, and I am underpaid. Instead of improving myself to get a better job, I felt depressed and started gaming every day after work and on weekends. (I also ended a relationship at that time because my ex bf cheated on me, which made my situation even worse.) It's been 5 years and I am still stuck with this company. And it becomes even more difficult for me to get a better job after 5 years of no-growth. Now that my husband and I are planning to have babies, it's likely that I need to give up my career in the near future for at least a few years. I had the good cards but I kept losing. I wonder what my life would be like if I was never addicted to games, or never relapsed after graduation. Would I be in a better position with great maternity benefits so that I won't have to quit my job? Even if I still have to give up my career for family, I would be proud that I made every day count and probably achieved something. Will I ever have a second chance? I don't know. Anyway, it's no time for remorse. After all, I can still be a better me. You are doing great and please keep up the good work! You have all the opportunities that I no longer have. And I guess you don't have to worry about giving up your career for family. By the way, I think it's not just about getting straight A's but it's also important not to feel discouraged even if you get a B in life. To be a doctor is difficult, and there will be ups and downs. This is the same with relationships, there will be turndowns and breakups. Be resilient. Everything is going to be all right. Good luck!

Day #9: Studying for exam: 45 min Drawing: 30 min Online Course: 20 min Exercise: 40 min

Day #8: We went to a spa center today. This place is right beside the grocery store that we go to every weekend. But we never entered it until today. It has an entertainment center and a cafeteria, as well as sauna and meditation rooms. We spent quite a few hours in this spa center, including having lunch and playing chess together. Too relaxed to work out. ? Studying for exam: 40 min Drawing: 40 min Spa and Sauna: 4 hr Exercise: 0 min Meditation: 10 min

It's been a week so I'd like to write a little summary. That's 18 hours in total. In the past they would all be spent on gaming. Actually I would spend way more than 18 hours (my estimate is about 30 hrs) weekly on games, because I did not take breaks while gaming, and I used to sleep late. I think if I continue working on extending my attention span, I would be able to spend more time on things that I want to do.

Day #7: We went to a park today. It's beautiful with the fall colors. We went there by train instead of driving. Besides being eco-friendly, taking the train has another advantage in that we can't just go home whenever we feel a little tired. We'll still need to walk 20 min to the train station, and it's just not worth it. So we might as well spend more time in the park ? And I'm loving drawing now! When I sit down at the desk, I can't help picking up the colored pencils to draw a little bit. Am I addicted to drawing now? ? Studying for exam: 40 min Drawing: 40 min Walking in a park: 2 hr Exercise: 30 min

?Thank you!

Day #6: I found some paint by number sets that I bought years ago, and finally finished one piece! Although all I did was coloring, I still feel a sense of accomplishment:D I also set up my wacom tablet correctly for the first time, after I bought it a year ago. I really enjoyed painting with it, despite my poor painting skills. Studying for exam: 60 min Online course: 40 min Exercise: 30 min Painting and Coloring: 100 min

I think the most difficult part is not quitting gaming, but rather keeping living a healthy and productive life. I quit gaming a few times. The longest one lasted for almost two years when I was in grad school. It's easier to stay away from games when I have a certain goal. And that's why I am taking an exam. I don't really need that certification, but the exam gives me a syllabus of what I should learn. More importantly, it has deadlines, which really helps me to keep on track. BTW I also have a binge eating disorder. I succeeded in dieting and losing weight for a few times. 10 lbs, 15 lbs. And of course, I relapsed every time. I'm also working on it now. It's not so difficult for me this time, because I need to be healthy and prepare for pregnancy. This gives me a very strong willpower. I'm regretful that I relapsed, but I am also proud that I was able to improve my life a little bit, even for a short period of time. Even if I relapse this time (I hope not), I still learned things, and it's better than nothing. And I am grateful for all struggles that I went through. They make me stronger. I just need to keep it going for one more day, one day at a time.

Now that I think about it, there was really nothing to be depressed about. It was just a feeling, probably due to a low level of serotonin. Going to a cafe to study might not be the best option for me, because I use a desktop for both my online course and my exam preparation. And after a long day of work, more often than not, I guess I just want to be home. Also I would do some household chores (which really have to be done) during my study breaks as a way to relax. Although I agree with you that going to Starbucks and spending some time there reading or drawing or doing whatever sounds a lot of fun. I should totally try that some time.

Thank you Kenan! One major reason I didn't get Respawn is that I had read similar books before. They did help me in the past. Although I relapsed after a major life change, I think the theory and methods that I learned can still help me. You are right on that I miss to socialize. My situation here is a bit complicated, though. But I am working on it! Writing a journal, reading other quitter's journals and interacting with game quitters here helps me a lot, so is your reply!

Day #5: After I set the work duration for my tomato clock to 20 min yesterday, I set it to be 25 min this morning, like normal people. Then I decided that it was too big of a step. Changed it back to 20 min. Here is a big challenge. My cousin, who has depression (depression runs in my family), has been texting me with a lot of depressing stuff for the past two days. It hit me hard. I lied in bed for 30 min today because of her hurtful words. Now I am depressed. And I think depression is the main reason and result of my gaming life. I can't let it ruin my life again. I feel like going to bed early today. Study for Exam: 20 min Online Course: 25 min Exercise: 45 min

Day #4: Getting better at keeping my attention! Study for Exam: 90 min Online Course: 40 min Exercise: 45 min

Hi Ivan, you sound depressed. Are there anyone (family, friends, professionals) who can help you? Best wishes to you.

Day #3: I felt restless in the morning. Had a strong desire for gaming. Actually, in the morning, only after 1 hour of work, I visited a gaming forum, checked out the latest patch notes and even replied to a post to answer a specific question. The good news is that I logged off the minute I realized what I was doing. For the last 2 nights, I had dreams about gaming. This is my subconsciousness talking to me. Probably deep down inside I feel terrified about changing my lifestyle and getting out of my comfort zone. I did push myself a little bit too hard. I think that's one of the key reasons why I failed quitting gaming again and again in the past. I felt very regretful about all the time that I wasted in games, and now I wanted to make things right all at once. But this guilt gave me too much pressure than I could handle. What's worse, it made me want to run away from my life to the games. I need to slow down and comfort my inner child. I started using a Tomato Clock today. Although I set the work duration as 15 min instead of 25 min, due to my short attention span. It totally works! I got more things done today. I should have done this earlier! Studying for Exam: 90 min Online Course: 30 min Excercise: 42 min

Thank you Deku! Your reply is so helpful! "Going hard at first and quickly burning out" was basically what I did for all my past detoxifications.

Day #2: Woke up early and made a pot of tea. Had a pleasant breakfast with my hubby. It's nice to have breakfast without touching my cell phone. I quit the group chat with my gaming friends. It's time to say goodbye. A few of them may still be my friends because we have connections in real life. But most of them will forget about me very soon. I decided to sign up for the next exam available for a certification in my field, one that I failed twice. Started reading the text books today. Also re-enrolled in an online course which I dropped out twice. Work is boring as always. Although I was productive today and used my spare time at work to make plans and to read. After work I hung all the paintings on the wall, which have been sitting in the drawer ever since we moved in May. Biggest challenge right now: I'm easily distracted. It's so hard to stay focused. Studying for Exam: 41 min Online Course: 32 min Exercise: 48 min Piano Practice: 10 min Reading for Fun: 40 min

Thank you! Although I wouldn't be too excited about it ? It's not my first time to quit gaming...I did this so many times that I am almost good at starting quitting.

Thank you Deku! It feels great to be here?

Day #1: Exercised for 20 min. Practiced piano for 20 min. Logged in the game to sell a few things. Still need to go back a few times to sell all the stuff.

I started playing online games when I was 20. I'm 29. For the past 9 years, I spent about $20,000 on games. Countless hours. I was never satisfied with my job but I wasn't able to change it, because I spent all my spare time on gaming instead of preparing for interviews. I took exams for certifications and failed again and again. I also used to visit gaming forums and chat with my gaming friends at work. (Ironically, I kept a journal on a gaming forum to record my "growth" in that game.) I have severe neck and shoulder pain, due to long hours sitting in front of computers. The silver lining is that I met my husband in an online game. He is also a gamer, although he doesn't have the problems that I mentioned above. He is also quitting gaming to support me. He is a wonderful person, but I always know that I could have ended up with some random loser that I met online because I cut out most of my social activities and I gradually lost interest in communicating with people in real life. Thank god I met him.