Silverlining

Day #21: Study for exam: 75 min Exercise: 40 min Online Course: 70 min Reading: 45 min Here is my 3-wk summary. The 3rd week is a setback. I was down for a few days (wed - fri). For the coming week, I will hit the gym every day, no excuse accepted.

?I learned a lot by reading the posts by you and other game quitters here. You are doing great! Keep it up!

?I agree with you. Of course my biggest problem is not the day light saving time or missing my friends too much or just too tired. It's my lack of self-control, the main reason why I was addicted to games in the first place. I found so many excuses to deny that I failed to push myself consistently, mostly because I couldn't accept that I failed. The good news is that for the past few days, I have no desire for games whatsoever. ? Perhaps I am not that into games after all. Gaming is just a way that I used to escape from the real world. Thank you. You are absolutely right.

Day #20: Video chat with my parents. Talked for about 1 hr. My father and I did not talk about last week. We pretended that nothing happened.? Forced myself to the gym. I feel that I am finally back on track (hopefully). Study for exam: 50 min Exercise: 35 min

Day #19: I think I found the reason why I didn't want to go to gym. It's the ending of day light saving time. I'm used to run around 9 pm. But now 9 pm is like 10 pm and I would feel too tired to run. This one hour of change really has some effect on my bio clock. I need to run around 8 pm now. Online Course: 25 min Learning together: 25 min

That's cool! Actually I work in the financial services industry. I'm not a financial analyst but rather a data analyst so I am not allowed to give financial advice ? But I am interested in any topics related to finance.

That's true. People can get addicted to TV anyway.

I guess exams have a reward system: you study hard, you get a high score, you feel rewarded. And you probably are a reward-seeking person. But life doesn't have all these reward systems built every where. Most of the time you don't see an objective set by other people. I have the same problem here: when I don't see the progress that I am making, I feel less motivated. Even depressed. Although I know it's normal that I can't get anywhere within a few days, and by working a little every day consistently I will be able to achieve something; emotionally I just feel like I will be stuck here forever. Wait -- I think you said something similar in my post when I started my journal here? I guess you know all the theories. These are temporary emotions, and they will pass. Good luck! And don't make watching anime a habit -- people can be addicted to anime, too.

Day #18: Tired after work. Felt restless. Didn't want to study or anything. Had no desire for gaming either. ? Chatted online with my friend and my cousin. My besty lives in a different time zone now, and my family, including my favorite cousin, live very far away from me. I guess I miss them and this feeling is disguised as anxiety. Then talked with my husband on random topics for a loooong time and then went directly to sleep. Online Course: 55 min

Day #17: Did an assignment for the online course today! Online Course: 75 min Exercise: 45 min Learning together: 50 min Drawing and Coloring: 50 min

lol the lyrics are funny. And I'm so grateful that I escaped from that world.

Welcome, Joseph! BTW, I'm a big Coursera fan (although I have only completed 3 courses so far, because I spent too much time on gaming?). Right now I'm taking Machine Learning and Learning How to Learn. And it's likely that my husband and I will take CFA lv1 in Dec. of next year. Let me know if you are interested in talking about any of these topics any time! Anyway, I'm on my day 17, and quitting gaming feels great! Good luck!

Day #16: I found this website: Brainfacts.org. Spent some time reading articles on it. Many of them are about stress, depression and addiction. Very helpful. Studying for exam: 55 min Exercise: 15 min Reading for fun: 95 min Learning together: 25 min Coloring: 40 min

Weight doesn't tell you much about one's body type anyway. If you have a habit of working out, it's likely that you have a low body fat percentage. When you gain weight after working out, you are building up muscles. And you probably have a high basal metabolic rate (which is negatively correlated to one's body fat percentage) so you can lose some weight when you stop working out. The reason I care about my weight so much is that I know the 20 lbs that I gained over the past one year or two is mostly fat. It indicates my lack of self-control. ? I'm not really worried about how I look but rather disappointed at myself.

Don't be sad! Generally speaking, women are judged more often by our appearances than men. And I guess my self-worth depends highly on my weight, which is totally unhealthy. Don't let this happen to you ?

Actually I have been thinking about it. The thing is, I run around 9 pm, and I don't feel safe with the darkness and all the traffic in my neighborhood. A few years ago, when I was living in an apartment building right on the side of a river, I enjoyed running along the river. It would be bright with all the lights and there would be no traffic. Perfectly safe. My BMI was slightly over 20 back then despite my game addiction!

Day #15: I took on a new challenge today. I have been running for 2 weeks now, mainly on a elliptical or a treadmill. I would watch the mini TV on the running machines while running, and constantly change the channels to avoid boredom. Today I did not turn on the TV but rather listened to music with my eyes closed the whole time. On one hand I think this would help me focus on myself, so that running would have a meditation-like effect on me. On the other hand, I can relax my eyes (and I really should do that). So I kept running for 30 minutes without feeling bored, but wasn't able to keep it up to 40 min... Studying for exam: 50 min Online Course: 50 min Exercise: 50 min Reading for fun: 25 min Learning together: 30 min

Day #14: We went to a botanic garden today. Just beautiful! And I got a tiny succulent plant from the gift shop. Found a nice and inexpensive family-owned restaurant near the botanic garden. On the way I saw a Walgreens that decorated its parking lot entrance with a garden arch. We should definitely stop by next time. Studying for exam: 25 min Online Course: 40 min Exercise: 50 min Botanic Garden: 2.5 h And here is my 2 week summary table: Made some progress. Should exercise more!

Thank you ? I guess I really made some progress since I got sober! The old me would have run directly into games. I used to be crazy about improving my stats in games. So I'm keep track of my stats in real life now to motivate myself?

Thank you ? I agree with you that art is about expressing oneself, but I guess I could have done a better job expressing my ideas if I gave it more thought before coloring. Anyway, I enjoyed coloring it, and it calmed me down. That's what matters.

Day #13 Video chatted with my parents. Had a very unpleasant conversation with my father. Very upset. So I picked up a coloring page and accidentally finished it. It would look better if I followed the instruction. But I don't really care... It should look like this: But it looks like this instead: Drawing and coloring: 100 min or more Learning together: 50 min

Yesterday I came up with this metaphor and I think it totally makes sense. I think learning with a purpose is like climbing up the hills, otherwise is more like running on the plain fields. It's more painful climbing up the hills, and there will be ups and downs. But if you follow the guidance (especially if you are in school), it's likely that you will go up quickly towards the top. Running on the plain fields is more enjoyable. But you do not have a direction and there are just too many distractions. However, it's important that you keep running, so that you can build up the "muscles" for climbing once you find your hill. Although it's been a pain in the ass for me to stay focused at this time, I guess if I keep running I will be better at this.

Mostly stuff directly related to my job. I never shared the contents here, on one hand I don't think it will interest everyone, and on the other hand I prefer to keep my information private at this point. Sorry about that. I'm also learning other things. There is this course "Learning how to learn" on Coursera, which I just started yesterday. I think this is a course for everyone. I totally recommend it! And drawing. I did some coloring with colored pencils last week and it made me wondering if I can "create" pictures like this, which drove me to drawing, starting with drawing human figures. I also recommend drawing to my fellow game quitters here, because I think one of the reasons that many of us are attracted to the games in the first place are the fact that we are attracted to arts. I'm learning many things at the same time, because I am still easily bored. I need to learn about new things constantly to stimulate me. So I may drop something and pick up new stuff along the way ?

Day #12 Studying for exam: 50 min Online course: 50 min Reading for fun: 30 min Learning together: 25 min Watching a movie: 2 hrs

Day #11: Diversifying my workout routine seems to be working. My weight is losing again. For the first time in 3 months, my BMI went back to below 25, which means I'm no longer overweight. Although I wouldn't get too excited about it, because weight fluctuates. And there is still a long way to go, since I need to get rid of the 20 lbs that I gained over the past 15 months, according to my weight data in the Health app, during which time my eating disorder and my game addiction fed off each other. I had expectations that I would be able to change my job 15 months ago and I failed. It's easy for me to draw the conclusion from historical data that my addictions have a high correlation with my vulnerability and inability recovering from frustrations. Perhaps I'm not so bad at what I do after all.? We decided to sell our "precious" game characters. We got "divorced" in the game so there is no turning back. Apparently, we are not so sad as I thought we would be. Why would we need to stay married in a game when we are married in real life? Now my husband wants to study something that I dabbled years ago, which could also be helpful to my career. I decided to give him an introductory lecture to give him a general idea so that it would be easier for him to start. But first I had to review a little bit. I made a ppt. It took me quite a while but I was so excited! I spent almost 2 hrs on this ppt after work and I did not feel tired at all. And I learned a lot from this because I need to summarize 5 books to get the knowledge structure. We will be learning together going forward. Now that's some quality time for us to spend together. I totally enjoyed teaching my husband ? And he said that I did a good job. Although there is a huge difference between teaching him and other people. Whenever I forgot something, I could just tell him: "Hey, I don't remember this one. But we'll get to it later." But I guess I can't do that if I am really teaching.? Studying for exam: 25 min Drawing: 15 min Online Course: 25 min Exercise: 45 min Learning together: 160 min (Including preparing the lecture: 110 min; giving a lecture: 50 min)