karpet

Quick journal update. After writing the first entry, I was completely exhausted. I'm not too sure what that means. Was it a release of pent up feelings regarding holding onto a secret for so long? Was it the acknowledgement of the amount of work I have ahead of me from seeing it posted on the internet? Anyways, I didn't have too much time to think about it as I had school work to do. I wanted to write something yesterday, but I was swamped. Yesterday, I had an assignment to do. it was for a class that I see a lot of value in. As I began working, fight or flight set in. In many instances in the past I have, when confronted with the flight or fight, I have accepted flight. So, I spent a great deal of time recently working on overcoming the urge to flight, and specifically fight. Yet in this instance I had to re-calibrate. If it was something that I truly believed in and saw value in, there would be no need to trigger the flight or fight response. I had to take a few minutes to digest all of that. I spent a good hour just sitting, monitoring my internal feelings and breathing. Once I was calm and had squared away my feelings, I got down to business. The flow in my work was incredible. I had to eventually go to sleep, I woke up feeling refreshed and had a very different perspective on the work, it wasn't something to over come and I merely, slowly began. In what felt like a matter of minutes I was done. It actually took 2 hours, but it was a joyous and pleasurable experience. I'm going to have to pen and paper this, so I can have a secondary, lasting record of this thought, but it was a change of perspective that I see being more beneficial long run than the perspective of brute-forcing the flight urge.

Hey CAM! keep crushing it. Work in Progress: First I need to finish uni. second I'm jazzed about Venture capitalism ( I can explain why later if need be) sadly, playing with OPM is hard. Thus I need money of my own. I have strong sales+hustle (i have had experiences with 6 figure days and figured, why not 7), so I need to find work that helps me accumulate money. Here we have mortgage specialists with the bank that can travel to any region in the country and help people buy houses (this is similar to work I was doing in the finance industry that allowed me to have 6 figure days). The commission structure is relatively straight forward to understand -> $200 million in mortgages generated ~> $1 Million in my pocket. The region I live in average house price is $0.5 Million, so approx 8 deals a week for 1 year gives me $1 Million a year. I've talked to a manager in my region extensively, and the outcome is once I graduate I should get the job. I need to then set up 3 things: Stable housing, A fund for income, and a fund for early stage investing, to achieve my VC/whatever position. House makes sense, the stability of housing adds greatly to ones sense of well being. the second one is the fund for income, ideally having a source of income outside of the hustle adds again to an overall sense of well being, I've pegged the desired yearly income to that of a BMW m3 or in 2016 dollars $74,000, with the desired income pegged at a basket of goods, I can measure my overall position relative to something else. presently to achieve "safe" investment level that result in that income is ~> $1.2 Million. Lastly to actually achieve what I want to do I need a fund that will allow me some diversity in angle/seed investing, 30 diversified investments averaging $25,000 each totals $750,000. The investment fund and the housing are non negotiable fixed quantities so I need a range of ~> $3.4-$5 Million for all three. Last paragraph above is the key, that has been sorted out for a while. The mortgage thing came back to me recently, but I had that lined up about a year ago. The mortgage thing isn't the only focus though, so while its nice to have it in my back pocket, I don't focus on it. I've designed an app, and written a movie/novel. By not having a fixation on deadlines or making something work I've allowed myself greater flexibility in what could possibly solve the overarching desire. I have reading week coming up, so I may spend that time finishing the app. but I'm spending a great deal more time reading, sitting, and doing school work. more dead space that allows my mind to work allows more things to come up Hope that makes sense.

Hey Guys! I really like journals. I like personal development. I like people. To be honest, I don't remember the exact date I stopped gaming. I sold my rig because I spent all of my money on blow, and after rent was paid in ...May (of 2015)? well, I didn't have a computer. I mean I had the laptop I'm using right now, but I didn't have a gaming rig, so no gaming. After selling the rig because I had spent all my money on blow, I didn't think I deserved a new rig, so I didn't buy one. I bought the rig 7 months prior during a cash flush sobriety kick, and prior to that, the last time I had a gaming computer was in 2004, so ultimately gaming wasn't a huge priority. SO WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ON GAMEQUITTERS??? Or at least that is what I imagine some of you are saying right now. I did drop out of high school because all I did was play counter strike at LAN cafes. I get nostalgic every now and then, and as you can see there is a chance I could slip up in the future and buy a gaming rig. However, I'm here because I like personal development communities, and well, hopefully y'all understand you chose to grow rather than stop a behavior. I'm here to grow. Above, you may have noticed that I have other factors at play in my "growth" journey. I have a huge penchant for cocaine and booze. Gaming, Cocaine, Booze, Caffeine, Nicotine, and Masturbation all kind of point to a general abstraction from experiencing the world as it presents its self. I like to think all those things are my way of experiencing a consistent version of life, and as such I think point to a personal image leaning towards self-efficacy and having a strong internal locus of control. The interesting question arises then: What happens when you channel those strengths towards a higher aim? Well, that's what I hope to discover too. Currently I've been "sober" for 7.5 months. I woke up that first day with a mantra: Seven Figures, Car, Condo. I then went for a 25 km walk, I live in Canada, so that's 15.5 miles for some. Seven figures morphed to eight, and condo changed to house, but the mantra is still the same. That is my guiding light. It may seem shallow, but I need a defined space to direct my energies towards. It's like saying "hey, I want to go west!" my idea might be the ocean, but in all likelihood I'll spin my wheels for 5 years and end up a mile west. I Kind of win, but not really. I'm very much anti goals-on-a-time-line. The reason I am against goals on a time line is because I honestly have no idea how long it takes to do something I've never done before. In the past I have tried to plot things on a time line, but I found as the time approached I would never be in sync with it. When I didn't achieve what I had aimed for I would collapse and destroy myself. Alternatively, sometimes things would happen almost immediately and I wouldn't know what to do with myself. I have goals. Instead of focusing on my goals and how can I achieve them, I am focusing on how can I become the person who achieves those goals. Fundamentally this comes from the realization that who I am at this very moment is reaching for something that is totally outside of his reality. Any attempt to reach outside of my reality presently will ultimately be impossible or at the very least be fraught with "opportunities for learning and improvement". I am a full time university student, so I can assure you I am not simply sitting idle watching the world go by. I'm moving very slowly right now, and it feels like the right thing to do. I am riddled with self doubt, but I think I can see beyond that. I'm going to stop here. I feel like this is a great introduction to me and the journey I am on. Sorry for any mega run on sentences. Pleasure to meet all of you, I look forward to continued sharing.