Phoenixking

Hey man, I noticed that comment about your gun license. My legs don't really work right now and I'm looking for something to blow off some steam that doesn't require legs. Do you like shooting? How do you go about it? Is there competition? Is it expensive? Could you talk a bit about your experiences with it maybe? 🙂 Thanks!

Moderation day 10 "Sharp friends." Got a message from my buddy. He saw my account activity on Steam, texted me he was worried about me and if I was okay. Now that's a true friend. My legs still hurt like a motherfucker. I want to make brownies today and standing up over the stove while melting the chocolate is going to be a challenge. I hate feeling so helpless and handicapped... Gaming is slowly taking over my day-to-day again. I think about it when I go to sleep or during random moments during the day. Recent highlight: Getting a message from my buddy about him worrying about me due to him seeing my account on Steam re-activate. Good to know he's got my back. Budget status: Nothing specific to say, still waiting for my money to be deposited into my account. My one goal for the next 24h: Try to make the brownies without pushing myself too much. What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's A Pitch, about creative collaborations. My chore of the day: Nothing much, sadly. How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Checked out other public speakers, hosts, and so on. Gaming: I'm trying to not do it compulsively and do it to mindfully escape my current reality of suck. But I do notice there's still the rush I enjoy when I obey the compulsions. What did I post on social media: Pics of me and the SO picking strawberries in the field Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Done. -Prep food - I guess baking brownies counts? -Daily Japanese lesson - Done! -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Slowly getting there today. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done. -Less daydrinking at home alone - Had cocktails in company last night. -Meditation - I miss the park. My mind got quiet there. I do feel like if I have to or crave it, I could meditate in a quiet room on my own. -Exercise once this week - Staying away from everything as much as possible. Or maybe I should exercise as much as possible? I have no idea what I should do... UGH.

Moderation day 9 "I hope it's not auto-immune." Went to the doc today. I've been feeling at bit more emotionally steady now. It's something I can do, going to the doctor. Like, it made me feel a bit more in control again. But what he said kind of hit me. He's thinking my shitty knees, pains and inability to walk is potentially a result of an auto-immune disease that attacks my muscle and joint tissue. He took a shitload of blood and is running a lot of tests. I'm seeing him again in a week. I decided to surf on that feeling of being in control and continue my positive habits below in the same tread. Recent highlight: Going to the doctor. The news wasn't great, but I feel like it broke the streak of feeling upset a bit. Budget status: Still waiting to get some paperwork filed. I'm slowly circling the drain and the paycheck needs to come asap now. My one goal for the next 24h: Try to do competition research on other speakers, announcers and hosts. What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's A Pitch, about the different types of presentations. My chore of the day: Nothing much, sadly. How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Gaming: I game way more when I'm stressed, but there seems to be no other real stress relief available for now, since, you know, I can't fucking walk anymore. UGH. What did I post on social media: Some pics of me and my SO camping. Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Done. I'd need to get bigger pots for them. But that's a tad hard if you're barely able to walk 😛 -Prep food - SO is doing dinner. -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Did it this morning. -Drink enough water - About halfway. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Going to do it later, before we go see our friends. -Less daydrinking at home alone - I had another beer yesterday, because of the pain, sadly. -Meditation - Meditation last night, 15 min together with my SO. Was nice to relax a bit. -Exercise once this week - Looks like this well be set to 'pause' for at least a week...

Moderation day 8 "Don't let the weeds overgrow the garden." I'm starting to really notice the dangers of moderation. It's not a huge seven-headed dragon. It's more like a playful happy monkey but it's got claws, fangs and rabies. I started playing a game on my computer. That's scaling things up, you see. Dangerous... I do enjoy it and it didn't get in the way of everything. But I do notice that it's not really filling a gap. I used to be perfectly happy and content without it. It's just something you easily gravitate towards when you're bored. If you're stuck at home all day long and can't really move like I can because of the shitty knees, it's easy to start gaming. Yesterday, I played for a few hours. I experienced some sort of tempo shift. I had weeks and weeks of Starterslab pressure, papers and assignments due every week. And that all finished last Friday. There was a holiday on Monday so I only just yesterday evening got the confirmation. That's so much time where I didn't clearly have a directive. My SO argumented that I shouldn't game more than I'm working. I did learn stuff on Digital Marketing using Google Digital Garage and I did some emails and so on. But I could have worked on researching competition or other things. I just want to get back on track with Starterslab asap. I'm now waiting for my coach to contact me, pick a date and see about what's next. I don't want to be rude since I only got the confirmation they received all of my assignments last night. But I do have the urge to mail and ask about what's next. I need structure, deadlines, and so on. That works for me. Just letting me float around in space is not good for me. All in all, I'll just try to keep doing what I do right now and not allow the games to overgrow the work. On a sidenote, my knees are now totally fucked. I'm in constant pain and seeing a doctor tomorrow. I'm desperately trying to do anything at all to not feel pain right now. Meds, drinking, gaming, ... Nothing's really working, so I'm eager to see the doc tomorrow. I'm going a bit stir crazy from not being able to move and knowing that I'm looking at about a minimum of 3 months of healing and physical therapy... I'm super upset. Recent highlight: Hearing my SO do a phone call where she talks confidence into somebody who's down in the dumps. I'm proud of her. Not an easy thing to do when you're depressed or burnt out yourself. Budget status: Nothing specific to report. My one goal for the next 24h: Try to upgrade my 1 hour of focused work to 2 hours. What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's a Pitch, about how to run the presentation itself and how to handle questions and dialogue. My chore of the day: Cooked some food, but the knees are still fucked. How I spent the 2 hours of focus progresssing my business today: Gaming: Installed a civilization simulator. I love the peaceful music in the background. I played more than I worked yesterday. What did I post on social media: Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Done. -Prep food - Cooked lunch and SO is doing dinner. -Daily Japanese lesson - -Make the bed - Did it this morning. -Drink enough water - -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - -Less daydrinking at home alone - I had a beer last night. -Meditation - The knees are still fucked so I can't go to the park. -Exercise once this week - I didn't do it yesterday because of the knees hurting. It's bad. I'm getting a doc tomorrow to write me a referral to a physical therapist. I'm done with this, I want to be healthy again.

Good for you man. I love how this forum allows you to structure your posts, diaries, and so on without any clear rules. You want to focus more on NoFap? Go for it! Good luck!

Moderation day 7 "Spontaneous enough for ya?" We had a bit of a fight Sunday evening. She'd had enough of my neuroses, uptightness and cravings of structure. Mean things were said by both of us. I ended up wanting to prove that I can be a crazy spontaneous dude but that I like calm and structure more nowadays, that people change and that our age difference can sometimes be a factor. So made a few calls and got a tent, a gas burner we packed our things and we went to my grandmother in the boonies and camped out in her back yard. We were still fighting in the car. I took it rather personal that she said things like she worries about our long term relationship, that I'm not spontaneous enough for her and so on. I'm a catch. I put up with all of the depression shit, support her all the way and it's a sentiment that's reflected by our environments. She apologized, but it still hurt. The rest of the night was lovely though. Because of me watching a lot of Primitive Technology videos, I was eager to make fire from scratch! I did end up doing cool shit. I started some fire twice! Super cool! But I didn't have enough tinder. Grandma and my aunt ended up helping and we sat around the campfire for hours. Truly a moment making memories. The next morning it was like we woke up in a sunny paradise, we were in the middle of the orchard, heard birds, the rays of sun woke up breaking through the foliage of the cherry tree we were sleeping under... And the best part is we had the coolest breakfast. My aunt was headed to a local strawberry farm. Holy fuck. You can pick ànd eat at the same time, eat all you want and pay 8 bucks for a full kilo of their strawberries you get to pick yourself. They even had artificial nests for the bees flying around. How is that for spontaneous. We had a talk today about it all and buried the hatchet. Recent highlight: Campfire & strawberry breakfast. Budget status: Well, my unemployment money is delayed. Fucking paperwork again. I'll be mailing it in today, but I'll have to make due with what I've got for now, it seems. Sadly, because of this, I'll have to make the first car payment with my savings. UGH. Our household budget progressed though. If we didn't have to pay our car stuff, we'd have gone from 100 in the red, to break even in a month. All in all, steady as she goes. My one goal for the next 24h: I have an idea for making a quick buck, a buddy of mine got a hold of a design for a cool clip that makes it easier for people with glasses or ear-injuries to wear face masks. If he's not starting a small business around that, I might do it in his stead. But I'd have to buy the printer first, or buy his... I don't know. I want to maybe help him for a percentage of the income, it'd be a great passive income. I just have to do the promoting, market research and get him a few loyal customers to take his weekly or monthly supply. After that, production is all his and I have passive income that way. But he's not an entrepreneur like me, he's more afraid of life and taking chances. So I want to let the next 24h stew this idea, leave it on the backburner a bit and see what I think about it tomorrow. What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's a Pitch, this time about rehearsing. My chore of the day: Nothing. Sitting down as much as possible because of the knees, sadly. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Learned more on online digital marketing via Google videos education programme stuff things words... I don't know the name. Can't remember it. Gaming: I installed steam back on my PC. For now, gaming doesn't seem to endanger anything. YET. What did I post on social media: I got some great footage of our camping trip, the strawberries, the daiquiries I made with them. But because of the media blackout today, I believe it to be prudent to wait for tomorrow. Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Done. Some are flourishing nicely. Phobos and Deimos need a lot of heat and water, so I try to keep their soils moist. The mint is perky too, I'm happy I nursed it back to health. My two bedroom bug-guardians, Styx and Cerberus, have a harsher time. I'm not sure what it is exactly that bugs them. Maybe they're sick? I was planning on hitting -Prep food - Since I'm sitting down as much as possible, SO is going to take care of it. -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - SO did it this morning. -Drink enough water - Well underway of nailing this goal today. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go do it and do my pushups. -Less daydrinking at home alone - I had a beer last night. -Meditation - The knees are a bit too fucked sadly to go for walks. -Exercise once this week - I'll be véry careful with my legs today. I'll do the push ups, but probably not the leg stuff. I'm tired of this. I'm getting a physical therapist to drag me through this again. I'll go see the doctor for a referral in a few days.

Moderation day 4 "Greasy." Well, I spent about the better part of the day on a kayak on the rivers of my city. A buddy of mine bought an inflatable one and we just floated around for like 5 hours. It was blissful. I spent the morning kind of with an upset stomach because of the fast food of last night. My SO didn't feel like cooking so her easy way out is ordering food. It's expensive, though... I didn't really want to but she convinced me anyways. I should have said no but I like greasy food :3 It made me have an upset stomach so I woke up early because of it. I spent the morning teaching her how to drive better. There were some amazing successes! She's really progressing! We stopped by a buddy of mine for a chat too and then headed home. Sadly, she scratched the car... Twice... *sigh* so much for driving a new car... Recent highlight: Floating around in ecstasy on the river, scotch in hand. Bliss. Budget status: I'd love to buy an inflatable kayak or boat. It's just 100 bucks. I'll see if I can cough it up next month or something. My one goal for the next 24h: Finish anything I'd really need to finish because tomorrow is Sunday and nothing goes on Sundays, those are days off. What did I read today: Nothing. Because the kayakking and drinking got me a tad tipsy. My chore of the day: I cleaned out the kitchen sink. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: I didn't. Gaming: I adopted a new strategy. I can game whenever I want, as long as I don't go over the 1 hour total time allotted. So I gamed 30 minutes this morning and then I just continued my day and left it like that. What did I post on social media: A post from my reel, that got good numbers and something in my IG stories from the kayaking. Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Done -Prep food - SO is on it. Sadly she only starts cooking when it's 9 pm. I might just have some leftover dumplings and hit the sack. It'd be 10 pm before she finishes... -Daily Japanese lesson - Did it while walking. -Make the bed - Did it this morning. -Drink enough water - Just a bit today, not a lot. It'll hurt in the morning. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Did it this morning. -Less daydrinking at home alone - It's rare nowadays to drink alone. Mainly because it's rare that I'm alone... Stupid virus... -Meditation - Had some lovely quiet moments on the river today. -Exercise once this week - Went for a walk. I hope I didn't overdo it. The pain in the morning will tell the tale.

Moderation day 3. "Won Ton Phooey." Man, the wonton stuff yesterday was crap. Holy shit. I'm such an emotional cook. I like being inventive and experiment and stuff. But I was nervous because I'd never made dumplings. I let about half of them; all hand made from scratch by the way, lots of work; overboil and they got soggy, fell apart and basically tasted like overcooked slop. I felt so bad. Ugh. It felt for a second my night was ruined. I'm a bit of a proud chef, I get so much fulfillment from people enjoying my food. But when I hit a critical miss, it wrecks me a little bit. Thankfully my SO was able to cheer me up, we cracked a bottle and watched some feel good tv while we ate the good ones. She's such a class act. When her friends came over a day or two ago, my SO had to work for about an hour. So I was left all alone with them. At the end of the hour they were smitten with my SO and mine's love story. I love telling our story. And I've been glowing for two days because of what they kept saying about us. That we were such a good match, there was a lot of love between us, we seem to take good care of each other, talk a lot about how we feel and why, and so on... It made me feel validated that the way I approach relationships is solid. I've got some random stuff on the menu today. Turns out there's more paperwork to do. UGH. I'll finished by the end of the day because I'll have a call with a buddy of mine who needs a hand writing a comedy sketch and after that we're doing a group video chat and playing some party games with my SO's friends. I'm also going to take care of a new plant. The SO bought some fresh mint. But we're not using it, so I want to pot in into a bigger pot, add some fresh soil and figure out how to take care of it (water, temperature, soil, sun or shadow, ...). I'll now have 5 plants under my care! The other 4 seem to be doing fine. I just hope I'm not accidentally drowning any of them with my daily watering. Recent highlight: Having the SO cheer me up after the wonton dumplings failed miserably. Budget status: 2 more days and I'll have been able to save 200 bucks. The insurance payment is coming up though. So that's going to kill any savings I'll get next month. I might even keep the 200 around for next month, just in case... UGH. I miss when I was able to make real money. I want to start saving for a house in a few years. My SO has about 10k more in savings than me and I want to catch up already! My one goal for the next 24h: Finish that blasted paperwork! What did I read today: Another 2 chapters of 'Life's A Pitch' My chore of the day: Clean the kitchen a bit and put in a load of laundry as I put the mint plant in a bigger pot. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: That blasted paperwork... Gaming: Went okay. It's pretty buggy sometimes, adding to my frustration. I want to remain mindful of how it makes me feel. If it's too negative, I quit it and play something else. I do notice that as soon as I'm bored, I want to play games, even if I've already had my allotted time. Maybe I should only play when I get that bored feeling? What did I post on social media: I'll probably post a pic on my IG with my friends tonight and something from my reel tomorrow morning at 10 am. I planned it in. I should also try to find something cool to share on LinkedIn on Monday... I did post something good on LinkedIn today, though. Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Just did it. -Prep food - Having leftover dumplings tonight most likely. I might unfreeze some soup to go with it. -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done! -Drink enough water - Just started now, so I have to catch up. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Just did it. -Less daydrinking at home alone - Half a bottle of sparkling wine with my SO last night. -Meditation - Still haven't made the time for some quietude. Probably won't happen today either, I feel. -Exercise once this week - I'm a bit sore from yesterday. So that means I'm doing it right! It's not the knees that are sore, it's the muscles around them and my butt. That's great progress! Those are the ones my therapist taught me to work out more because they can absorb the shock my knees have to endure from my body weight and those help compensate for the bad muscle chains in my legs. Yay! It's not much, but it's progress nevertheless. I'm sure if I can keep up my daily exercises I'll get where I need to be.

Cool man! You could start an online band with @ceponatia xD I should get my guitar fixed and restart learning to play, hahaha

Yeah, I try to breed as many good habits as possible, because old habits die hard. It's a system you can use to ingrain stuff into your mind, so it's trainable. Like conditioning. But it takes a while for a good habit to grab hold and an already established bad habit is hard to break... I'd like to think it's a minor habit or hobby of mine. I like it because of the release and challenge, but I don't feel like my whole world revolves around it anymore. Again, take this with a grain of salt. I'm very aware moderation is something that doesn't work for everybody and I'm still not sure if it's a match for me or not. But I do get my shit done, it seems. I maintain about 90% of all of my habits successfully, and even when I used to detox from it, I sometimes had days where it was way below that. You have ups and downs in life. It's a pre-emptive statement to make, but this might actually work for me. As long as it doesn't get in the way of life, as long I keep doing my Japanese, drinking water, working, ... Yeah, I think it's about finding balance. Routine gives you structure, safe handholds for your mind. But as you say, it could also be a trap. But I'm lucky to have a pretty veried schedule. It's rather quiet right now because of the virus. But I spend about 2 weekends a month abroad working, I usually have acting gigs, lines to learn, public speaking events to host, some writing, ... I don't think I've ever had as many repetitive weeks as I have had now 😛 It's kind of nice in a way. But I wasn't made for a life like this. I crave change and new stimuli a lot.

Because my knees are really, really shitty and so it my technique. Don't get me wrong, I can pack a wallop. But it's a Krav Maga punch, I need to learn the right stuff from them. I'm also holding it off a bit because I can't really cough up the 200 bucks since I want to try and save as much as I can. I'm still working on getting my knees back up to a level where they can sustain my body weight during something more than a random walk in the park.

Moderation day 2. "Steady as she goes." I didn't really feel good about yesterday. I wanted it to be a more productive day. Well, today totally compensated. I spent about 4 hours learning how to do the bookkeeping for Starterslab. Then I arranged some paperwork for Prison Escape since I'm a business owner instead of an employee. So I'll be sending them bills and invoices, but I had already received my pay for the last 2 months. Because of an oversight, I should have billed them instead of just letting them pay me. So I gotta pay it back. It took some back and forth. I also figured out how I'd invoice companies in another country and had to double check the taxation stuff. After all of that was sorted, I got a gig for next month. Horribly underpayed... You become an actor because you love what you do and if you take it seriously, you can get quite good at it too. You don't become an actor to be rich. But due to the virus our sector's been hit. Majorly. So it's now filled with people, kind of like vultures, who acknowledge how bad it must be for us poor actors. But who still refuse to pay proper wages. I got on the horn with a booker of mine, great dude, Andreas. He got a gig and we spent over an hour talking about it. His customer has got a meager budget, but wants a lot in return for it. He gave me the opportunity to do it and I started negotiating. I really had a hard time standing up to him because he's such a nice guy. But I don't pay bill with being nice. After a lot of back and forth I turned down the gig. I would have paid me about 300-400 per day, for 2 days, maybe 3. But they were asking stuff that was worth double or triple that amount. I'm sorry. If you want to pay with peanuts, go hire some monkeys. Some other poor schlob will take the gig because there's no work and you can't be picky. But I can't be somebody who claims there needs to be a change, who moans about being paid properly instead of working for scraps or exposure and then still work for low wages. I declined and told him I have to adhere to what's important to me. I'm damned good at what I do. I can't allow economic setbacks to make sure others can prey on me. Sometimes I wish actors and the likes would have a union... Somebody should get on that. Recent highlight: The company we had over last night was lovely. Budget status: As soon as I start actually working as an entrepreneur, I'll have to start paying expenses to Starterslab. Not a lot. But I'm trying to plan everything to fall in place at the same time. That way June is empty and Juli is full of work, making the most of how much I can earn in 1 month. My one goal for the next 24h: Finish the paperwork that's due for Starterslab. I did like 90% already. Just some minor things left. And clearing my emails might be nice too. What did I read today: I'm about 1/4 through the 'Life's a pitch' book. My chore of the day: Cook dinner, wonton dumplings and some gyoza. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Making calls, decisions, writing mails and a 4 hour class about bookkeeping. Gaming: I'm starting to try and nibble off bits and pieces of the rules here and there. Whenever I'm a bit bored or have to wait around, I play the game, even if I'd already had my allotted time with it. What did I post on social media: A pic of food on my stories. Might post a more solid pic tomorrow, something from the reel to feed my IG. And maybe something on my FB or Linkedin too; but not sure what... Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Done! -Prep food - Going for shrimp-filled wonton dumplings and some shrimp gyoza -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Did it this morning. -Drink enough water - Almost halfway. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go do it. -Less daydrinking at home alone - Had some social cocktails last night. My head kind of hurt this morning. -Meditation - Still want to visit the park, but can't seem to find the time somehow. -Exercise once this week - About to go do my exercises right now 🙂

Moderation day 1. "Wait what?" So yesterday was rather easy in terms of getting back in the saddle. I did what I planned out to do, followed my diary without any worrisome bumps in the road. I do notice that I am more mindful, especially of the gaming. Now it's a means to an end. I'm rather sensitive to if it actually relaxes me and helps me blow off steam or not. If it doesn't I'll throw the game away and find something better to help me achieve that sense of discharge. It might all fall away organically when I start boxing. I hope that that's soon. I confident my competitive edge will take over and I'll probably invest a lot of energy rather quickly into it. Still, it's healthy to be as mindful as possible. My SO called the drugs hotline my country's put in place. As a psychologist and professional in the field of hotlines and mental health, she was kind of disappointed. What I'm going through is not very thoroughly researched yet and very personal. We talk about it a lot, I keep a lot in mind, I maintain this journal. As far as addicts go, I'm a pretty informed one. I do notice, I'm already looking at the horizon, in terms of gaming. I checked what my crappy PC could handle in terms of games, but it's not very promising. I should probably stay away from stuff with toxic environments like League of Legends or Dota. But I do like the challenge they pose. Overwatch would be ideal, I feel. Fast paced, intense and requires both skill and tactics. But the PC is too weak. Nevertheless, it's waaaay too soon to think about that. I'm at day of moderation. I might go off the rails dramatically in 1 week, who knows? We're having some guests over tonight. I look forward to being the host and making cocktails and food. All at a proper distance, mind you. But I'm still excited! Recent highlight: I had the weirdest fucking dream. I can barely recall it but it was both weird, hilarious and lovely. Budget status: Well, I keep getting paid for my Prison Escape work. Gotta love being under contract, right? But I do have to help out with Marketing now. They got me watching hours and hours of footage. At least I'm still getting money on top of my unemployment, so that's nice. Not sure about taxes and such. I've been meaning to doublecheck that. But we'll soon start an entire new chapter of bookkeeping with my business, so there's that. My one goal for the next 24h: Be a good host and do some work for Prison Escape What did I read today: Another chapter of Life's A Pitch. They're rather short but also plentiful. My chore of the day: Emptied the dishwasher. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Going to try and remain focused despite having guests and work on my reel and the promo for Prison Escape Gaming: Was fun, but the hour flew by like it was nothing. What did I post on social media: A pic on IG with my new bright and bald, freshly shaved head. Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Check! -Prep food - Went against my grain and ordered take-out with the guests we had over -Daily Japanese lesson - Done! -Make the bed - All okay! -Drink enough water - About halfway there at this point. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done. Also shaved my head! -Less daydrinking at home alone - Nothing yesterday. -Meditation - I feel okay for now and it's quite busy. But I do think I should try to hit the park sometime this week. -Exercise once this week - Just did my exercises!

Moderation day 0. "Wait what?" - Trigger warning for games - Yeah, I'm trying something new. I'm not sure this'll last past the lockdown, but who knows when we'll get back to 'normal life', right? I don't really have anything for now to blow off steam and I've found something that works. It's like a crappy mobile version of Overwatch, but it does the trick. I might change the game if I get bored with it to some Dota 2 knock off or even something else entirely. The point is, I want to give it an actual shot. I feel like 1 hour a day isn't that crazy. I watch The Expanse or Westworld or I used to watch way more anime and one episode of those is almost an hour (or 3 of those for anime). So in terms of time consumption, I feel like it's not the worst thing in the world. I am quitting porn though. And I don't feel like my need to listen to something is a problem anymore, so I'm letting that out. This is about quitting porn, moderation of daily gaming and maybe tweaking the frequency or length of sessions. If I can pull off my list of daily things below, I feel like I'll still be productive. I need structure, but I've learned that I "have to" do a lot. So I want to find a balance between "have to" do stuff like working on the business on the daily and doing my physical exercises so I'll be fit to start training boxing and actually not having to do jack shit. I'll consider Sundays as a sanctuary. Absolutely nothing goes on Sunday. I don't HAVE TO do anything on Sunday. So I also won't do journalling on those days. And I think it's still a bit dangerous or slippery, but then again, it might be worth a shot. I keep hearing that I put too much pressure on myself and this is a way to relieve some of that daily and weekly. As long as that doesn't get in the way of my results, I should improve my mental state. And to know it for sure, we should try it first and keep an open mind but also a close record of things. In other news, I bought plants to take care of. There were a lot of bugs flying around since we leave the terrace door open all day long and there's no screen. I should ask grandpa (a skilled woodworker) to make one if he wants to. I ended up vacuuming up a lot of the fuckers and keeping a close eye on our trash and dishes. I got stung a lot. They must like my musk or something, hahaha. Now I got 2 Lemongrass plants near the open terrace doors. I call them Phobos and Deimos, after Mars' two moons. It's said that when the god waged war, he'd send his two demons ahead spreading fear and panic. I'd like to think of those two as the front line on the bugs. Then I put two more plants in the bedroom, I'm not sure what it's in English but I think it roughly translates to lemon-melisse? Or something like that? They also chase away bugs. The lemon grass is a tropic but hardy plant. So they need warmth and lots of water and food. But the second type is a bit more hardy and sturdy, from the south of Europe. So it can stand a bit more shade and survives more easily. I called those Cerberus and Styx. Giving them names will also help me take care of them more. Recent highlight: Picking up and taking care of the new plants. Budget status: Figured out the car payments and my SO's share in that. Paid insurances which even went down more than expected. Owning a car has never been so cheap, despite having bought a new one. We learned that I'd make a mistake and we lost the shot at getting 1000 bucks for getting it wrecked a while back. Infuriating, truly. I was angry for 2 whole days. But I let it go. My one goal for the next 24h: Plough through my emails. What did I read today: Another chapter of "Life's A Pitch" My chore of the day: Folding 2 baskets of laundry. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Mainly emails, figured some stuff out about education, random stuff... Tomorrow I'll probably work on some advertising and some scheduling or upgrades we can do for my job as production leader at Prison Escape. I still have other mails in my other inbox to sort through, though... Also did some more market research. Gaming: Last night I spent to much time on it and so today we start the moderation thing. What did I post on social media: a picture from my reel on IG and a post on FB about my education at Starterslab. Maintained habits: -Water the plants - Check! -Prep food - Check! -Daily Japanese lesson - Check! -Make the bed - Check! -Drink enough water - On my way! -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go do it ànd do the exercises! 😄 -Less daydrinking at home alone - Less of an issue nowadays now that I game again, it seems. -Meditation - I might go to the park one of these days to find some quiet time, I think. -Exercise once this week - I'm minding my knees a lot. But I still do my exercises.

Detox day -2. "Terrace." Friends of ours came by yesterday. It was nice to feel a semblance of normal life again. Just a sliver. We're headed to my SO's parents today. We'll spend the night there. Hopefully I can use that time away from home to get a lot of work done. A change of environment seems healthy. I'll be receiving the feedback on my pitch today. I feel like there was a receptive response. I also learned about a grant the city hands out to starting companies in their first 2 years. If the city counsel thinks you got your shit together, and can show your business and financial plans they give out 5k. That'd be huge for me. That would cover almost the entire marketing costs! I'd need about 7k for that but I can get the 2k from my savings. I feel like it's going to be worth the risk. I can build this thing! I've been gaming but I don't feel like it's absorbing too much of my attention. I'm just a bit worried about the state of my brain. Porn and games fuck up your human CPU, man. At least, that's what I think/fear. Do you know about that idle creative moment? Like, how the best ideas come to you when you're driving, showering or on the toilet? I love those moments. But games tend to crawl their way into my idle thoughts. Today I'm trying to get rid of the bugs. I'm riddled with bites. My SO isn't. Something about hormones and pheromones. The entire place got cleaned yesterday, dishes done, floors scrubbed, the whole shebang. My SO freaks out when people come over. She'll shriek, drop everything and turn into a cleaning, bossy tornado. I don't like it, but it sure does get the job done. So today I'll be venting the entire place first. Then I'll go room by room to clear the fuckers out with a vaccuum cleaner to suck them up and use a little anti-mosquito/bug-device that spreads poison when plugged into the socket. It might seem crazy or overkill. But they keep waking me up at night when they bite or sting me and it's driving me up the walls... Recent highlight: Having friends over last night and enjoying cocktails. Budget status: Sucks that we're almost through our monthly budget. But we did buy a lot and freeze it. The freezer's almost full. And we bought a part of a pig. A healthy, happy animal that got treated well and would only get killed when every single part of it has been sold. It's like reverse-crowdfunding meat. So we'll need to eat everything in our freezer to make room. My one goal for the next 24h: De-clutter the living room. What did I read today: Nothing yet, but probably a bit more of 'Life's a Pitch'. My chore of the day: I have no idea. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Am probably going to do mails and shit. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - I'll get around to it sometime today. -Make the bed - Nope. In bed right now. -Drink enough water - Had a bottle already, but not keeping track right now. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Not yet. But there's no way I'm going to my in-laws with nasty teeth. -Less daydrinking at home alone - Well, we weren't home alone last night! Come to think of it, it's been over 2 months since I last had a night alone. -Meditation - Nope. -Exercise once this week - Didn't exercise. The bathroom and shower were too nasty.

That's a pretty powerful metaphor there, bud. I don't think I actively seek self improvement because I'd subconsciously like to fix her. I think it's more about myself and trying to grow and progress and push my limits. Subconsciously though, I do think I haven't forgiven myself yet for my shenanigans of the past. I'm really hard on myself, too hard, needlessly even. And I believe that I have become allergic to things that remind me of that. Normally, messy or lazy people wouldn't have bothered me, but nowadays, I just can't fathom how they can live like that. I guess I just often see my old self in her and that's hard. Wouldn't say I'm depressed though.

I think I understand what you mean. Her whole shtick is that she doesn't consider herself to be somebody who's capable. She's eager to help others like crazy, though. She's always giving everything she's got to other people and purposefully skips herself. She didn't even want help in the first few month because she was convinced she wasn't worth it. I just hope her psychiatrist finds some way to connect to her and she can finally start recovering...

In reverse order: I reset it because I relapsed. I hit 90 or 91 days and then something cracked and I binged games like a maniac. When I came down from the high, despite realizing the negative sides, I couldn't just cleanly stop again. I still crave the structure my journal gives me, so I'm continuing that, and since the binge wore off I'm now doing it in moderation. There's not much to elaborate on, to be honest. It's an intense shooter I play and I like the adrenaline rush and that it helps me relax a bit by blowing off some steam. But I don't feel the need to binge it. It's still a bit of a time sink, but honestly, so were other things like anime, Netflix, Reddit, ... I'm still wanting to quit it properly, though. But it seems like the way I look at games for now took a bit of a shift. I didn't expect moderation to come this easily.

Detox day -1. "Moderation Schmoderation." I've got the pitch in a few hours. In about 1 hour or a half to be exact. I'm not as nervous as I should be, I feel. Maybe because I feel in control? I can basically do the whole thing by heart and know exactly when to time which slide. I've seen a bunch of the others and I'm confident I'll be in the top tier entrepreneurs. There's still a lot of work to be done, though. But I feel like starting a business is a lifelong thing where there'll ALWAYS be work that needs doing. Bugs are driving me nuts. I get bitten every couple of minutes or more. I try to tune it out. We left the sink, the dishes and the thrash lying around. And by that I mean that because of my relapse, I didn't do diddly squat around the house and thus nasty shit kept piling up. Sadly, because of my SO's depression, it's hard to lean on her to pick up the slack. The better part of the day she works and is on her computer. She's messy and leaves a lot of things lying around, dishes and food remains included. I understand she's not as tidy as I am and it's all getting put under a magnifying glass the more I delve deeper into self-improvement. I read Atomic Habits and try to do 10 push ups a day to try and do a tiny thing to achieve my goals on the long run, accumulate enough good habits to be able to call myself a changed person, a solidified and healthy identity. And when she moans about her health or her body, but isn't willing to change her eating or exercising habits, it stings. I understand. I've been down in the dumps like that myself. But the imaginary chasm between me and her is sometimes rather big. I'm happy she's getting help, but I'm getting tired of her excuses. It's mean to say this, but when is she going to get off her ass and actually do the things she says? When is she going to make her mental health a priority above anything else? When is she going to work on her body, mind her weight and help keep this place clean more? I know a SO shouldn't want their partner to change and there's an element of lock down craziness involved here too, but still, I just needed to say that out loud, I think... I've no right to bitch and moan about somebody who's putting up with an addict, of course. But I'm noticing more and more that I love her as a person, but less as a housemate. I'm going to be soooo happy when I am allowed to work in a co-working environment and get out of the house. Odd that I look forward to an office when my last job was all about trying to escape the office. I've also noticed I'm drawn to games right now because of the stress the state of our apartment puts on me. I want everything to be clean, nice and tidy so badly. It's because of that I want an office to myself. A space to be able to be more in control of. Recent highlight: Seeing the other entrepreneurs' pitches. Budget status: Got some extra cash, might make the end of the month after all without having to dip into savings. Now that I actually HAVE savings, I'd rather not use them too often. My one goal for the next 24h: Nail the pitch and celebrate with ice cream later today. What did I read today: Nothing yet, but probably a bit more of 'Life's a Pitch' or my D&D books. My chore of the day: I've been oogling that stack of dishes for a bit now. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Listening and looking at the other pitches, giving feedback and collecting the latter on mine. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. But just the bare minimum so I don't lose my streak. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Not a sip today yet. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Not yet. -Less daydrinking at home alone - No booze in a bit. -Meditation - I feel like I should go to the park soon again, to find some alone time. -Exercise once this week - I'll shower in a bit and then do the exercises. Don't want the knees to start nagging me again.

Detox day 0. "Failing forwards." I've lost count of how many times I've had to reset this journal because I relapsed. I think it was because of the lack of stress relief. Stress just got the better of me and I crashed and that's when you grasp at straws. The business things are scary, sure. But I'm slowly getting it and learning to embrace the roller coaster I've gotten the opportunity to get on. I had a great talk about that today at a digital marketing bureau I'm considering using. It would cost me about 8k in total for about a year. But the return of investment would be totally worth it, I feel. I just don't know how I could get that kind of money yet. I also don't want to get ahead of myself. I've figured that the triggers of the relapse came from ads. I use ad-blockers and 18+-blockers on almost every device. But because I use the free version of Duolingo, there's still some ads here and there. I'll buy the full version and patch that leak that way. Secondly, it's because of my messy home and the lock down. I'm going stir crazy in here. It's so hard to focus properly and get into the healthy mindset. It's incredulous how many times I cleaned the entire kitchen and how 1 day later, the same exact mess is there again. It's depressing as fuck and it spreads like a wildfire. My SO helps, but she's also a huge source of messiness. I understand, though. The past few days I was a husk and when you're down like that, you don't care about anything. You're just kind of existing instead of living. I'm not saying that's what she does on the daily, but whatever her ailment; depression, burnout, overworked or whatever; it's a factor. I can't really blame her for not having enough energy to help pick things up here. You can see it in her eyes. I'd talk about how you can use tiny things to set yourself up for success, I'll try to inspire her to go for a walk but nothing really connects. She just works and exists. It's hard to live in a house with person with habits like those. All of it also confronts me a lot with how fragile I still am. But at the very least, in the middle of all the tears, disappointments, pain and cognitive dissonance, I did finish the pitch and I even learned how to work with Prezi. In less than 24h I'll be explaining my vision and my plans. I'm excited. Sad that I have to get back to 90 days again. But still excited for the dreams I try to achieve despite it all. My main thing seems to be that I don't have anything that helps me blow off steam. And Krav Maga lacked an element of competition. So I went ahead and reached out to a local boxing club to see if that could help me. It would give me a workout and a goal I'd want to achieve. I want to win a boxing match. My grandfather used to box. In some way, I like to think he'd be proud of me learning how to bite down, put on my game face and kick ass despite any hardships. Recent highlight: Talking to the people of Digital Leader, the company that might take care of my online marketing. If I can pay them, haha. Budget status: I totally destroyed our monthy allotment of internet because of the gaming. And binging series. My one goal for the next 24h: Practice my pitch ad infinitum. What did I read today: Another couple of chapters of 'Life's a Pitch'. My chore of the day: I might get something to eat and then cut, blanche and freeze some of our veggies. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Had a 2 hour meeting about online marketing and business strategy. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. But just the bare minimum so I don't lose my streak. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Took a sip, but not much. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - Done. -Less daydrinking at home alone - I got some kind of stomach inflammation. So alcohol is not a good idea right now. -Meditation - I should go to the park sometime soon. I'd like some quiet time after all of this. -Exercise once this week - Haven't been doing my exercises for quite some time now...

Detox day 90. "Tea Time." Wow, my head is buzzing with numbers. Today's workshop is all about finances. Crickey. I'm not good with them. I'm a words man, not a numbers guy. I plan on finishing the lot this afternoon in one fell swoop. If I can finish my financial plan today, while I still have the coach on speed dial for the rest of the afternoon, I'll have less worries. Why? Because next Tuesday afternoon I am to give a 7-8 minute presentation about my business. I am supposed to talk about what I'll be doing, what services or good I'll be providing and to whom. How I'll market that, what my unique selling points are, prices, and so on... Basically tell them what I'll be doing, how and prove with some numbers I'm not talking out of my ass. So obviously I want to pour a lot of time in that. I'll have less worries when making that if I already finished my financial part. After that presentation I'll have a private meeting with the coaches to talk about how doable my business is. Unless I have to adjust some things, I could get a green light and then it's going to be all about execution. Finding clients, reading books, getting some more education, finding a location, and so on... Later today, after I finish the above, I'm heading to the park. I want to drink my tea in a peaceful, quiet place where I can reminisce about how long the road has been and celebrate my personal victories in all silence. Recent highlight: Getting a message back from a marketing entrepreneur commending my idea of focusing on my practical experience as an actor and a public speaker/host and getting complimented on my idea of making a series of instructional videos. Budget status: Starting tomorrow, I'm going to go work in the offices of Starterslab. It's 90 bucks to work there for 40 hours, I get a desk, internet, the whole shebang. I feel like it sucks I have to spend the scratch to be able to work with some focus, but being at home just isn't an option any more. It's maddening to keep looking at the same walls for so long. I'm done. My one goal for the next 24h: Go to the park, find a quiet place and drink my tea. What did I read today: The first 20 pages of 'Life's a pitch', a book about how to sell yourself in both business and in life. It's about 300 pages long, more or less. My chore of the day: Groceries shopping after going to the park. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Got a 4 hour workshop on finances and spent about 1-2 hours on finishing my financial spreadsheet. The only thing I have to worry about now is the presentation next Tuesday. I have 7 days to prep and make something that wows. I vowed to make it the pitch of a lifetime. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Done. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Took my first sip. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go do it. -Less daydrinking at home alone - Having the opportunity to drink G&Ts and Margaritas is not good for this one. But starting tomorrow, I'll be away from home while working. So that should improve my stress levels quite a bit! -Meditation - Going to the park today to drink my tea and catch my breath. Looking forward to it. -Exercise once this week - Going to go and do another set of push ups and lunges!

Yeah! I was in Japan about a year ago and I drank that specific type/brand of tea there, so I associate the flavor and the type of bottle with having a good time and being on what ended up being a magical trip. There's no fucking way to find that where I live, nor in the neighboring countries. I went to a museum about 5 months back and it was about Japan and it's art and visual culture. In that bar, afterwards, they had used the tea for decoration and they'd serve it with some ice. Despite it not being sold like that, I managed to charm my way into the bar manager's heart and he sold me a bottle after all. I made a big effort to get that bottle and told myself it would be my reward if I could detox for 90 days. I got to about 60-70 days last time before I crashed and burned. But now I'm almost there, so it's a celebration of my growth on the one hand, looking forward to tasting it once again for over 5 months. But it's also because of how I associate it with being in Japan.

Detox day 89. "Expanse." I arranged for me to be able to watch the 4 seasons of The Expanse. Just like how I watched the Mandalorian, I want to gift myself a nice moment of me time where I can fully immerse myself into something really cool that I find fascinating. It's nice to wake up with a cup of coffee, stress free and something cool for 40 minutes to indulge into. It's nice to see I'm starting to find some sort of rhythm more and more. I feel both relaxed and engaged in growing as a person and growing the business. So that's truly something great! Tomorrow I'm reaching 90 days of sleeping properly, no video games and without porn, building my habits well and minding my limits, pressure and ambitions. I really feel like I deserve the green tee of victory! So I'm doing great, but my SO is burning up, it seems. Due to the lockdown she was unable to see a psychiatrist. We had a no nonsense conversation about how she feels and how much energy she has, the pressure she puts on herself and so on... I did manage to motivate her to call her psychiatrist. They might not be able to see patients, but at least we could get a date for the next first possible appointment, or maybe a ball park. Anything is good! I just want to make sure there's at least 1 baby step towards progress. I even suggested I'd search for a psychologist or a therapist after having a deep conversation what she's looking for. I'd just ask questions, take notes and really dig in to find every single thing that I could use as a parameter to find her the ideal therapist. I was bursting with fiery feelings of motivation and care for her. If I could do anything at all, big or small, to help her get help, I'd do it. I realize she has to be the one to take the steps to get help and she wants to, but it seems like she'll postpone it forever due to lack of energy and motivation. I guess that something where I can step in, no? I'm not letting it die down. She wants to get help, so I'll fucking get her help, even if it's the last thing I'll do. I don't want to get dragged down, I don't want it to pressure our relationship or household and I don't want to see her waste away her potential as a twenty something. She's so sad about being so lifeless but she's too weak, tired and lethargic to anything about it, she admits and then pushes herself even more downwards because she's angry at herself for not getting help and feeling so down. It's a clusterfuck. In other news, I GOT MY SUIT. I am now the proud owner of an elegant two piece suit, tailored to a millimeter. Purple, always a royal winner. Playful and crazy like The Joker's suit. But regal and elegant as fuck. I sent pictures of it to my graphic designer. He's also fixing me up with a logo. All of it and the color design free of charge! Well, kind of. He's making a video game and will need a voice actor. I told him I'd do it and wouldn't charge him my hourly rates as an actor. But I would charge him my media and broadcasting rights. That's royalties man, that's money for life. I ain't dumb, that's not worth a logo. But it feels like a smart trade. It saves me about 300 bucks on the short term and I don't mind helping a buddy out. I guess this whole helping each other out is what entrepreneurs do, no? I finished a bunch of entrepreneur paperwork. Mainly plans, marketing overviews, market analysis, ... I feel like I'm getting more and more into a flow state. I'm good at networking and asking the right question at the right people. But not paperwork. But I'm starting to feel the buzz, man! I'm making progress. The more I work and the more results I manage to get, the more I'm eager to continue. The effort required to start doing shit each day is growing smaller and smaller. Last night I was working till 9 pm and it felt so natural and nice. I'm so happy with how productive I've become lately. I respect time with my SO, I have enough me-time, I try not to pressure myself too much. It's great! Don't get me wrong, though. There's still a lot of risks. Mainly for porn or distractions. I still have a long way to go. But the roads I've already taken, I feel good about. Recent highlight: Watching The Expanse this morning and fluidly transferring to work mode Budget status: The suit set me back about 1200 bucks. I wanted to get it done to use for the business, but it seems I can't put clothing as a cost... Grrr. Well, that's what savings are for, no? My one goal for the next 24h: After I do some chores and call my family, if there's time, maybe try and work some more. I could do a market analysis of actor or public speakers. What did I read today: The final bit of 'Atomic Habits'! Huzzah! My chore of the day: Did some dishes and cleaned the kitchen counter. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Finished my entrepreneur's plan and did some mails. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just finished it. -Make the bed - Done. -Drink enough water - Well on our way. Huzzah! -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - I still need to do it, but I'll have lunch first. -Less daydrinking at home alone - The only way I sometimes can let off some steam is by drinking. I miss exercising and being able to be alone. -Meditation - I'm probably going to go back to the park tomorrow to drink the tea. -Exercise once this week - About to go do my push ups and lunges.

Detox day 88. "Contact." Last night was fun. But not THAT fun. It was pretty amazing to be able to meet via voice chat with the people who translate and sub one of my favorite Japanese tv shows. But I feel like they overhyped it. The stream was a bit messy and glitchy but after they fixed it, the Discord started glitching. It was annoying. People kept coming in and out of the chat and at some point, they just suddenly left. There was a separate secondary private chat that I wasn't allowed into. *sigh* Some things about last night were totally worth it. Others were annoying. Overall I'm glad I did it and I'll try to keep in touch with that community a bit more via Discord. But I was a bit disappointed to be honest. Today was a productive day. Despite the drinking I started working at 11 again and this time for an hour or 3. I finished analyzing the market and checked out competing speaking coaches. I'm excited. I mailed a bunch of them about what it was like to start out and if they had any tips and such. A lot of them seem very open on their website to just having a coffee and meeting other entrepreneurs. I feel like I'm really making progress and networking well. I look forward to their responses. I also just learned that the money I was supposed to get from wrecking my old car and buying a new, less polluting one, fell through. Fuck me right? I spent so much time researching cars because mine was too old and to live in the city center you need a modern or electric car because of the Low Emission Zone. I had to pay extra yearly passes to be allowed in the city, where I already lived, so I kind of was forced to. Fines are through the roof for fucking around with that... I had read that if you have a polluting car and you get it professionally wrecked and then buy a new one that's like a hybrid (like mine now is!), you get about 1000 bucks in subsidies. And now that turns out to be false. FUUUUUUUUUUCK. I did the work! I contacted the local government to double check, kept a record of àll the paperwork for the new car and the old one, asked about the pass I'd already bought for this year and if it could be reimbursed, ... I really did the work. I didn't want to make any mistakes because 1000 bucks is a lot. And now it turns out, due to me misinterpreting something, we can't get it. They told me that cars of pollution degree lower than 4 are eligible to get 1000 bucks if wrecked. Mine is a category 4. I feel like they should have said classes "3 and lower". I can't believe it. I'm so furious. I feel so dumb and stupid and I'm so angry that it's partly because of the ineptitude of some random government worker. I'm still going to try though. Worst case scenario I get a slap on the wrist. Fuck this shit. I have nothing to lose. It's not like I'm covering up anything. I'm just going to file the paperwork anyway. Either they don't see the mistake I made and I get the money (I paid enough in taxes to those idiots for years anyways, might as well try and get something back from their greedy mitts), or they do see the mistake and just refuse the faulty paperwork. There's no fines on making mistakes. Recent highlight: Contacting several other coaches and asking for advice for starters or maybe to have coffee together. Budget status: The 1000 bucks thing is really really crappy. My mood is shot for the next hour or so... My one goal for the next 24h: Keep doing what I do! Tomorrow I want to finish the due assignment and send it to Starterslab. What did I read today: The final chapter of Atomic Habits. My chore of the day: Gave the toilet a scrub. How I spent the 1 hour of focus progresssing my business today: Analysis of the market, contacting other coaches and logging their prices and USPs. Maintained habits: -Daily Japanese lesson - Just did it. -Make the bed - SO did it. -Drink enough water - About 75% of the way there today. -Brush teeth two times a day, floss and clean once a day - About to go do it. -Less daydrinking at home alone - The 'nomidai' last night hit pretty heavy. Thank god I don't usually go that hard. -Meditation - I'm not immediately keen on getting back to the park, my knees hurt. But maybe soon? -Exercise once this week - About to go do my push ups and lunges.

Yeah, it's kind of insane from a business standpoint. I mean, he still offers tsukemen for takeout and his rep is enough to get him by. I'd hate to see him go out of business, though. I hope they survive this crisis. You can really tell that this white guy trained in Japan under a proper master and in Brussels with proper Japanese restaurants. I have so much respect for his determination and work ethic. Oh yeah, I was a huuuuge Naruto fan, man. That's how I got curious about what it was, how it tasted, ... I was craving it for years before I found a place that offered it! And even then it was crappy stuff. I was so happy when I finally got to the good stuff... That reminds me I should start watching Boruto again... Thanks! It was fun but not as fun as I'd hoped. I got tipsy/drunk. But I prefer being a functional human being every day. Especially with this much work to do for the budding business. I usually keep a keen eye on my drinking, but during the lockdown, I'm kind of giving myself a pass. I started using Toggle to keep track of exactly how many hours I spend cooking, watching shows, and so on. The first few days were daunting to say the least. But I'm slowly now building up how many hours I'm actually working and dialing down how many hours I spend watching series or anime.