NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Vera
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I'm curious as well, @BooksandTrees. I don't feel like it heals very well, so maybe CT scan would be a good thing, it'll show the exact reason. I cooked very delicious potatoes yesterday and I really loved it. Since there's enough food for today I'll cook something tomorrow. To be honest, it's a rewarding activity if I do it alone and nobody tries to correct me. It makes me want to try new recipes. And if I'm in charge of meal prep, I can help my mom lose weight. She'll be grateful.
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@goodvibes thanks for your reply! I just want to go to the gym. I lack socializing and it's a way to be among people, even if I don't talk to them. It's not that expensive, and it's a nice break from home-work-home cycle. I'll check out calisthenics, sounds nice. I want to do back-end work, like server and database stuff, it's just one of possibilities! :) I can digest some dairy, certain kinds of it in small amounts, but it might crash my digestion easily so I'm always mindful of what and how I eat. I saw milk without lactose in the supermarket last weekend, maybe it's worth it to try.
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Well, antibiotics became something ordinary for me. My gum doesn't want to heal properly, and it means another round of antibiotics. I'm damn tired of it, I feel awful while taking these pills, I can't eat without nausea and I crave dairy all the time, but I can't even digest it. If things go wrong after the socket was cleaned up once again, I have to do CT scan. So I'm trying to fall asleep, I'm hungry, in pain, my mouth is full of blood, and I'm quite miserable. I need a lot of patience to push through next 5 days.
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Nice day! I'm taking a small break to post something. I found out that doing things is actually very rewarding. I can watch YT for hours and be bored and unsatisfied, but accomplishing even the smallest task from my habit tracker makes my day better instantly. And since I have a lot of time left, I'm going to cross out almost every task for today.
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If you do it every day before bed, it's a habit and you crave it because you're used to and your body knows the routine. Just another habit to get rid of I guess... I'm sure you'll find a woman you like. You're handsome, you're well-rounded, happy and cheerful man, and you know what you want, it's going to be okay.
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I'm a bit hesitant to write, but I will. Time flew by and it wasn't very pleasant. I had to abandon gym for a while because I wasn't feeling well, removed two wisdom teeth, had several rounds of antibiotics and last surgery didn't end well, so I have to go to the dentist one more time next week. I am not satisfied with my job and I can barely force myself to do the work sometimes. Lost my grandfather. I'll go on vacation soon, I wanted to visit friend who lives in another city, but I don't even know if I'll be in the mood to do so. Maybe. I feel so lonely sometimes. I have some good things though. I managed to stick to my habit tracker for more than two months, I got back to coding and I'm enjoying it. I don't feel the pressure to finish the project I don't quite like, so it's easier to just tinker with code and learn things bit by bit. Can't wait to go to the gym again, I really miss my workouts. Should be able to start next week.
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@BooksandTrees Happy birthday to you! I'm a bit late, but I'm glad to see you're doing so good. :)
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I've had some success this week, but it is not over yet. I have to go to the gym and start listening to the Python online tutorial to remind me of basic things I could've forgotten. I returned home very late yesterday so I'm not feeling well today, but I still can do something. My friend (who still plays the game I've quit) offers me to go back, and I sometimes have urges to go back, but it is so time consuming I'd rather sleep more. I don't do so many things I'd like to and I always feel like I'm way behind everyone else, and gaming won't make me happier. It might offer me a temporary escape, but I don't want to escape. I might get a false sense of safety inside virtual world, but it vanishes when I click 'exit'. I'd rather try to fix my problems.
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Well, last week was a mess. But I at least understood several things: I have to seriously reduce my phone usage, digital to-do app I used to like no longer works for me because I end up on youtube or on social media, and I'm bored and tired as hell. App blocker works only temporary because I can always install another browser and it's exactly what I do. It's tiring and frustrating process of trying and failing again and again. My whole routine went out of the window and I just don't want to touch my phone to set up another digital schedule. I need something real, pen and paper, and lots of mindful writing to get myself together.
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Thank you for your kind words! I feel better, but some sadness still lingers in the back of my head. I am tired, feels like I've caught a cold.
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I'm sad. One of my colleagues and his wife (?, this is not clear yet) died in a car accident, and I'm mourning him, even if I didn't get to interact with him a lot. He was a very happy and kind person, he had a big family and he really loved his grandchildren. It's just so unfair, I can't quite get over it. He didn't cause the accident, he was a very careful driver and despite all that his car was turned into a pile of metal by some careless bitch and he got so injured he passed away in the hospital. The bitch is dead too, 4 victims in total. I guess this is a good reminder to not waste my time doing useless stuff.
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My work was great today. Went to the gym, did pretty much nothing except walking on the treadmill. I'm going through extremely hard touch typing exercise, it makes me mad at myself because all my progress is suddenly lost and I'm like a blind kitten, can't find anything on the keyboard. I am telling myself that it's okay, I'll get through it when my hand-eye-brain (???) coordination improves, but it's not going to improve without practicing. I try once again tomorrow, really slow, because my fingers are already painful.
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Well, last weekend was kinda chaotic. I didn't like the visit to my relative's place, she was celebrating her birthday, but the party was meh at best. Because of certain uncomfortable things happening it was even bad. I enjoyed being with our neighbors waaay more. I finally paid for the seeds. Had to pay quite a lot for the shipment, but it's okay. Did a lot of touch typing training today. My fingers are getting stronger and faster, what seemed unbearable at first became much easier. But I feel my keyboard fighting me which annoys me a lot. Can't wait to get better, I want to kill this keyboard and move to mech. I think i have an hour of free time, I can try to squeeze in some more studying. I also feel like I need multivitamin supplement, my sleep quality has declined quite a bit.
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I'm very tired, but I'm also happy. Had rough day at work, had to stay overtime. It's very hot, hordes of flies are attacking every room and I got a little sick from heat and really big workload. But I was calm and managed to finish the day without making any major mistakes. Went to the summer house, rested for a while and got back home. I wanted to try watercolor painting for some time now and I finally got to do it. I enjoyed the process, it's fun and relaxing, and it is real. I haven't made a masterpiece but a doodle here and there is cool enough. I like doodles. I'll do more of them.
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@BooksandTrees I found it very rewarding to be in a flow state when you just forget everything. I think it's pretty much the only healthy escapism. I never emerged out of the flow state disappointed or sad. It's an escapism because world doesn't exist for you while you are working. It's also healthy because it leads to progress. But I was lucky, I found something that clicked and after I became more or less comfortable with my tools, flow state just came naturally.
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Minor issues - workout wasn't good and I feel a bit low, but it can be explained easily so I don't worry. Haven't done much except doing my skin care routine. I can feel that I am still ashamed of myself for not being good enough, for not being picture perfect. Do I really want to be that sad over something I can't change? I lived my life as good as I could, but I still suffer - in my imagination more than in reality. I'm wasting my life worrying about something that doesn't exist, it's just pointless. I'll go to sleep and I'll be as good as new after some rest.
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I got my internet back and changed my data plan and I won't pay as much as I do. I don't need blazing fast internet. I have no use for it. Did some shopping, touch typing (new keys are pain to learn, I hate the lower part of the keyboard but I'll learn it anyway), I had pretty good day. I'm keeping myself busy and I feel like I don't have enough time in the day to do all that I want. This is really awesome. I went from 'bored don't know what to do' to 'gimme some more time I want to do gazillion of things'. I have a lot of interest in life again. I decided to approach my social media differently. Instead of perceiving it as a distraction I simply subscribed to groups that are focused on studying and provide me with motivation and inspiration if I do decide to get stuck in my feed for some time.
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@BooksandTrees yes, I'm okay, it was to be expected and happened because of other person who disagreed with me a while ago and it resulted in this. It's already over.
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Another good day. I had very unpleasant experience at work , but I did the right thing and I have nothing to regret. I loved today's workout, made real progress on every exercise and I was really happy on my way back home. I smiled to myself and enjoyed the walk. Since there's no internet at home (I have no money atm to pay for that), I had to replace my usual touch typing training with writing. I decided to try my old fountain pen once more and it's so good I spent half an hour spilling my emotions on the paper. Diary is really a beautiful thing. I noticed that I try to remember and include interesting words, and my writing looks really different from what I did with my last fountain pen, it's smoother in a way. The good pen is Jinhao x750, if someone's interested.
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Finally ordered the pelargonium seeds I was thinking about. I'll wait for the customer support to answer my question so I can complete the order. I mostly chilled through the evening, touch typing training and some random relaxing music complement each other really nice. Took a look at the mechanical keyboards, quite pricey but hours and hours of my work are totally worth it. I won't buy it anytime soon though, only after my training is complete. I scrolled through the forum of the game I used to play. I was stunned by how toxic the community really is, everyone is arguing with everyone, people are upset that admins are trying to eliminate obscene language and are introducing a set of rules. It's just ridiculous, it's very simple game, almost childish, but players find ways to create a perfect hell out of it. They deserve a broken game full of cheaters. They really do.
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Well, I've spent the weekend mostly doing stuff around the summer house. It is raining often during the day so I had some 'fun' time walking under a heavy rain. Managed to get to the gym nevertheless, I'm very proud of myself. It seems that two days of rest between workouts works better for me than one, so I might try it out this week and compare. I bought a waterbrush, a cute eraser and a cardholder, and some clothes. I might try out lettering with the brush or painting with watercolors or both. I have a lot of paper that's printed on one side and blank on the other so I can practice. I doubt I will ever be able to really draw something, but I would make cute doodles here and there just to relax. Kids prepare to school and buy all kinds of stationery this time of year, so every visit to the bookshop or supermarket is like a small celebration for me, I walk around and waste some time touching notebooks, flipping through pages, trying out pens and sightseeing. I finally found some peace with my planner, but my to-do list is tiny so it wasn't really that hard. I'd call this weekend a good one. Time to go to sleep and make tomorrow even better.
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@BooksandTrees you'd want to get more sleep, it is really important. Ditch that boring baseball game and sleep ?
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@BooksandTrees hey, just wanted to cheer you up a little! ? I believe in you!
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Very nice day! I had nice workout, came home, ate very delicious meal and was doing touch typing exercises all evening long. I haven't touched Discord that much, there's not that much happening. I installed Pinterest once again, but noticed that I spent more time on it than yesterday so I'm getting rid of it now, at least on my phone. I'm often bored but I try to entertain myself by writing stuff instead of consuming content, this is easier and more useful as it allows me to maintain my writing skills. I also fiddled with the idea of installing some kind of browser extensions that makes youtube less appealing, but decided not to play with fire. I was so hooked on it I was really miserable, I love myself too much to allow myself to dive right back in. I don't need it right now and even if I do, it's not a very rare thing to stumble upon. But my own time and good evenings like tonight are so much more precious than gazillion of cat videos. Same goes for gaming - if I want, I can have it immediately, but I want to be better and gaming doesn't help me, so I love myself enough to say no to wonderful (no doubts of that) virtual worlds.
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Have you tried being selfish? Say no politely to what you don't want to do because YOU are responsible for how you spend your time, not other people. If you don't work on your hobbies, you won't get better. There's nothing wrong with staying home and working on your own projects. And if they get mad at you for not being able to be there for them whenever they want, it's their problem, not yours.