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About Rualani

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  1. Alright, so this is a bit harder than I thought, but I have an idea. See, I think I'm a tad bit rebellious towards myself, so if I make too much effort to quit, I'll just sink into a gaming frenzy. My human heart is a desperately lonely and empty thing, and what it asks for it will get, one way or another. So instead of refusing to feed it, how about I shift it's diet a bit. I'm not going to quit eating shit food at Mcdonalds. That's the good shit, but maybe I'll start planning some hummus recipes. Anyways, that's the VISION part of the equation. Reusing that vision in the GTD system is my next step.
  2. detox[2] Without that supply of stimulation I literally slept all day. No progress made on GTD method. Oopsie. There's a medical treatment that I may stop due to these effects of hypersomnia, from the get-go it was messing up sleep and I don't think it's worth it, as sleep is one of the 6 pillars for fighting back against negative energy.
  3. detox[1] Hello, world. I did it. I pulled out the hard drives from my computer and am currently using my labtop (which has been game free) for my first day in awhile. The first task on hand is to work through my gtd system and make a gtd system while using the Getting Things Done methodology. I've talked about this SO darn much, but as of now I've clarified a few tasks and I know which organiztaion tools to use, trello and omnifocus, so I'm feeling pretty good. The new "teenager" edition really has helped with some blocks that I was using without thinking about it. The most important thing to remember was just how long and difficult it is to clarify and think of the proper long term solution for the stuff that needs looking at. Previously I would have given up or simply not thought about it, but with a fresh bout of inspiration I'm painfully pulling apart all that stuff and giving it a place to stay. As long as I review this every Sunday I'm keeping closer to the straight and narrow. Other systems will be used for tracking important habits this time around, but this journal will be used to tracking my gaming and my GTD habits. For now, I'll consider it the prime mover of tracking as of now.
  4. Detox[0[ Alright, My internet has been out for two days. I still have access to solo games but I have noticed that it is much easier to pull away from gaming when I'm not wired into multiplayer games. That does seem to hint that one of the missing pieces is multiplayer fun times in real life. The best strategy forwards is to find some organization where I can compete but still have fun. The best way to play a game is the way that gets you invited to the next match, after all.
  5. Detox[0] It's like an old school weight scale. Right now there's the weight of existence of one end. Such a cost must be paid for by something. As of now I've paid it up with gaming. So, I need the explore what else I can pay it with. Progress - Currently focused on re-implimenting the gtd system. David Allen released a book for teenagers which is more focused on in depth guides to each step so I'm able to build it one step at a time. I know I'm far away from the target audience, but really a more thorough yet easy to digest guide to the steps is just what I need. I've actually taken pretty complete notes on this self purchased book. I guess those school habits do come in handy for a bit. I'll probably review them every day as I work through this. I'm confident that this is my next step.
  6. Detox[0] I have returned. So summer is here. I passed the last two semesters and survived. They pushed me so hard that even while gaming I never succumbed to the addictive aspects. Apparently if the desire to survive is strong enough it's not an issue. Well, now that the summer is here, it is becoming an issue again. I'm just going to write the thoughts that arise about how I feel about gaming. AAAND, the final goal is another 90 day detox. So, if I manage to go a day without any virtual gaming activities. The counter increases. If not, the counter resets. I don't at all see me quitting at this moment, but I'm wondering if putting my thoughts here might change things. It worked before, didn't it. The main reason I'm doing this again is simply because I have so many things I need to be doing. Life's short and I'm shuffling through it in a daze. Hello World.
  7. Detox(0) Alright, so I'm in threat. I somehow managed to play overwatch on my potato labtop. And, I talked and played with someone I haven't in years. Jesus, it all transpires so fast. I also, skipped two classes and I'm wondering if I shouldn't just request a deletion to this thread. Hard Timez.
  8. Detox(51) Omega 3 | Sleep | Vitamin D | Exercise | Social | Engagement No nut(0), Create, Journal Time: 0:00 Well, I've passed the halfway point for the detox, woot. Congratz?
  9. **HOLIDAY** NO TRACK Some thoughts inspired by wine, and a lot of food. Like, way too much food. Anyways, I had a rather dramatically emotionally journal entry that is heavily related to the purpose behind this forum journal. And, my body is dealing with a lot of drama too. Carbs really rocking the place hard. Ugh. So hard.. *dies* I had just been trying to track down a though, vision, I had while at the thanksgiving family get together and found it. I had just been told of the wonders of the World of Wacraft content. New and DIFFERENT raids for each faction. Never before in the history of WoW had this been done. NO, I must not distract, I must finish this thought And Jaina Proudmoore was going to be a raid boss. I walked off at some point, the vision sank in. In it, I was so desperately sad. Somehow, I have made myself invisible at the party. I am thinking about how fun it would be… but much more than that… Something has sunk in. An inevitability. I know that path only leads to hurt and I am hurting. An image of a female lies before me. Her image coalesces more firmly into someone I had met before. Firmly, she tells me that yes, I am hurting. No, I am not crazy for this pain. It is not simple or meaningless to suffer so much for a simple choice. That my choice to not game, is just some stupid vapid illusion. No, it was real. She gave me strength, benediction. It was real. It mattered. An echo of the possible emotional intimacy with the opposing gender. Was it lit up by libido? Or… was it simply a desperation. A hungering for what she told me. I left that party. I chose not to stay. I will meet up the next day and do more things with the family. But my sleep, and my waking are my own. No one elses. I will not allow games to lure me to slumber. And no matter how many times I wake up groggily, no matter how many times my sun doesn’t rise. Every, single, goddamned, fucking, day. I will fight. I will await it’s rise. It’s not meaningless.
  10. Detox(48) Omega 3 | Sleep | Vitamin D | Exercise | Social | Engagement No nut(1) | Create | Journal time: 1:00 FOCUS: Exercise Simplifying secondary ruleset. Adding focus mechanism. Tracking is good, but FOCUS will put the impetus on me to IMPROVE something. Also, data tracking? Could also track moods and put data together. If I could track nutrition too... HMMM That would be very interesting. Oh, I didn't nut for a day. IT'S JUST A DAY, BUT I DID IT. YOU PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS. I'm an addict. I don't even use images. I don't even use porn. MY BRAIN MANUFACTURES ALL OF It. SO, here's the algorithm that may lead to success Sleep algorithm. Melatonin consumed before bed, blue blocking shades before bed, Earplugs in, Finish journaling, Turn on fan, read some psycho-emotional babbling about tortured childhoods, put on blinders, sleep. With pants on. Fuck maybe I should buy a chastity belt... Well a no nut belt. A nutty belt. Okay I'm done.
  11. Detox(46) Omega 3 | Sleep | Vitamin D | Exercise | Social | Engagement No Nut | Meditation | Nojunk | Guitar | Journaling Time: 4:00 Talked with someone a bit today. She's pretty cool, but she really needed to study. I'm being kind of careful and keeping everything within a friend zone. See, my masterplan is to friend zone the world. The world WON'T SEE THAT COMING. HAH Thanks to the study session I got a bit done today. My time is lower than it should be since I have to manually set the timer every time. I probably missed an hour. I do miss gaming a bit. I really want to try harder for the Nut November. I know it's already too late for me but it's the spirit of the thing. The main reason I want to do this... is because I'm not winning. By choosing to nut, I'm telling my body that it has won. BUT IT HASN'T. Lies are dangerous. So, yeah, today was reasonably productive. I went out to eat, so that wen't sour. I think I'm going to try and do some programming before bed time hits. Not going to track times after a journal recording. That might get complicated. Finally, I'm so goddamn happy the new RWBY volume is out. It turns out my Club Presidenct watches it too, so we have been watching it together over the weekends. He always drives over to the campus when I ask him about it so I guess it's our thing. It's a bit weird for me since I'm the one making the social arrangements. To be honest, I should just get used to it. I feel like this life would be easier if I just become more socially aggressive and try to make things happen.
  12. @JustTom Honestly, I hope that's the case. With the sheer ratio of people working jobs that don't really light their minds up, a ton of them probably pursue art on the sides. Well, finding your passion is all about splashing around in different acts of creation sharpening your skills. Detox(44) Omega 3 | Sleep | Vitamin D | Exercise | Social | EngagementNofap | Meditation | Nojunk | Guitar | Journaling Time: 3:50 So, I had a pretty decent start today. I mean, I sort of skipped 30 minutes like I always do. That's about how long it takes to boot. But I got di.fm opened on my phone and started showering. It was intense. I was super clean and done in 5 minutes. Got my pushups and situps in. Really hit Geology hard today... And then at 6 I go on my shopping journey for food. Now it's 10:30, I watched the pirate of silicon valley for some stupid reason, and I just want to at least get an hour of node.js in. THAT'S ALL. *sobs* Seriously, watching a movie about programmers instead of programming. That's really sinister brain. Don't do that. All the time I put into cooking and meal preparation just keep on pissing me off. Transition time to the store, buying food, walking around the store awkwardly and alone. So, I'm getting my next meals planned out and ordered BEFORE I even cook all my current meals. I'm going strong with optimization. GOALS!
  13. Detox(43) Omega 3 | Sleep | Vitamin D | Exercise | Social | Engagement Nofap | Meditation | Nojunk | Guitar | Journaling Time: 0:00Well, the keto flu is getting worse. I crashed at 5 p and slept till 8 p today. Woke up feeling completely refreshed though. It's a shame that the construction area next door emits this annoying noise constantly. That's the price for really low rent. I've been doing personal journaling on the side to try and get a grip and constant theme of creating music / art whilst pursuing a median income from computer science keeps coming up. It's gotten more clear actually.
  14. Detox(41) Omega3 | Sleep | Vitamin D | Exercise | Social | Engagement Nofap, Meditation, Nojunk, Guitar, Journaling time: 1:00 Bad start today, ended up skipping a class to sleep. Third day keto diet so maybe the flu has already hit. After the weight is lost, I'm doing a balance (1/3 carbs | 1/3 protein | 1/3 fat). If I fail the keto thing I'll probably just switch to that. Making budget recipes and keeping everything in balance. That seems reasonable. Going from these brief three days, I do think that I was neglecting fat in prior diets. Probably why previous dietary lifestyles failed. For example, I did vegan for roughly 6 months and the break was a PEPPERONI PIZZA. SIX MONTHS PEPPERONI PIZZA Oh no Now I need a pepperoni pizza What have I done.
  15. Detox(39) Omega3, Sleep, Vitamin D, Exercise, Social, Engagement Nofap, Meditation, NoJunk, Guitar, journaling Time: 1:00 Today I worked out with two people who visit from Kentucky. They had warmth to them, but my inability to remember a name. My inability to recipricate their warmth... concerns me... This has happened a lot... My inability to look people in the eye. To be at peace with that form of communication, nonverbal. It concerns me. I've been cold for too long. They always show up on the weekend... So Every weekend I will see them. I will work out. Every morning I will start out with pushups and sit-ups. That feels like the correct next step. And for fucks sake I need to stop watching Mr. Robot. It's so fucking good.
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