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NEW PODCAST: Dealing with Gaming Nostalgia

Rualani

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  1. Detox(82) ***(0) chef(0) FocusBooster(6 poms | 2:30) 1:01 , 2:30 , 3:12, 3:46, 7:42, 8:12 Sequence of Events Awake 10:45 Out of shower... 12:00... Literally just zoning out an hour. No phone. Just thinking... After quinoa bowl I got down to working. Somehow an hour of doing nothing got in there. I think I just watched anime. :< Got 3 poms after that and ended up heading to the grocery stores for things. Ate junk food and a bowl of chili. Finally settled to try and get another 2 poms in. 2 poms more than yesterday... LOL...Being truly in a <ready state> for these poms is quiet challenging. Food List 4 choco Tacos... Teriyaki Beef Stick Asian Rice Thingy (Quinoa, Peanut Butter, 2 bananas, cinnamon) Bowl of Chili Current Day Notes I feel as though I'm being dragged back by too many things. Hardly maintaining a sphere of stability. Owell, I woke up slightly more early. It's so hard to figure out what's different between waking up and being awake versus waking up only to want to sleep. I actually woke up around 5-6'ish and just 'suffered' being awake for a brief moment. I kept waking early dreaing the light from the alarm. I wonder... how much I actually sleep. Maybe I'm overcompensating by sleeping 'too much' Next Day 7 o clock dangit. KEEP PUSHING IT. I actually have a breakfast and lunch planned for tomorrow. That means I can check off a key habit. Woohoo.
  2. Detox(81) Final Stretch ****(0) chef(0) Focus Booster(1:40) Once again awake around 11:40 i'sh. Blargh for awhile. (oats/banana/peanutbutter) + (dried noodle thingy from dollar store) Able to get a good focus session in 3:00p - 5:00p Lots of animal videos... Prepared pineapple for eating. Had a few cubes Intermittent focus after. Assignment finished. 6:00 bowl of chili (macaroni, beans, meats, tomato base) Attempted another session at 7:00 but failed. It's 8:30: now. Focus is toast. but why. Current day notes Hungry. What is plan for sleeps? I don't even know ~,~. Food plan still not operations. Do I just keeping oatmeal for breakfast... But tofu scramble was better. ALRIGHT, replacing oatmeal with quinoa and trying the same thing, I gotta plant-based breakfast idea list. Let's just Launch RIGHT INTO IT AND GO. HUWARGH Next Day attempting to wake up at 7 again. Need to push focus up to 4 hours. That's the bare minimum to clear habit obstacle If I can get fully cleaned up, dressed, and have a tea + breakfast without looking at a goddamn screen (exception being recipe generation) than I win Reflections and Conditions are set. repeat
  3. Detox(80) ****(0) chef(0) Focus Booster( 1:40 ) Woke up around 11:40'ish. Ate... rest of poptarts and Oreo knockoffs for breakfast and prepackaged rice mix. Kind of just watching anime or w/e without thinking. Reading articles. Search and cease to exist really. Brain was sort of processing around 2:00 ... I was able to take a breath and hit the book around 3.00 I got a solid 2 hour pomodora session in and lingered on the assignment for some more time. Eating Chili around 6. Beef, macaroni, tomato bases, onion and garlic. More of obsessing over the assignment. Now it's almost 9 and I'm down for winding down. Between anime and untracked time I don't really know. Honestly, my days are pretty blurry when I don't discipline down. This virus outbreak doesn't change much. Though, I felt like it was easier to do when I could get to the library. Drinking green tea and bracing myself seems to be a good start when I do get going. It's very very hard to get going. Gaming felt more proactive... Hell, there's this gaming demo I was looking at for inspiration for my own game development class and I just found myself jumping around and testing the system they built. It was fun... Then I stopped. It was a rudimentary pre-alpha wall running build. Simple. Not fun. NOT FUN. DAMNIT. IT wasn't fun! ***Current day notes*** feel acidic. the sugar really just pushes my stomach over the edge. I'm pretty reliant on acidic tomato bases whenever I make soups. Very hard to make a high calorie meal for sustenance without making it lean too much acidic. ***The Next Day*** I want to wake up properly at 7.00 Going to aim to shower -> Teeth -> dress -> breakfast ***anticipated obstacles*** I"M OUT OF TOFU FOR BREAKFAST. I've been doing so well with tofu, pepper, garlic, onion scrambles. It's simple. I can do it. ***plans needed*** need a shopping plan. Probably Instacart. Something to get food for delivery. Becoming dependent on roomies for rides is not the way. Though, such rides can be optimized by always having a list of things to get. repeat
  4. Adding Food journaling to this as a possible keystone habits. This will be a place where keystone habits are examined. “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.” “Do you have the patience to wait until your mud settles and the water is clear?” ― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching Detox(78) ****(0) chef(0) Woke up at 7:20 'ish. By the time the shower was over and I was finally in the moment it was around 8:00. Had tofu, peppers, avocado for breakfast. I think my mind was full on and good to go by around 9 'ish. Got a solid 8 pomodoros within the span of 6-7 ' ish hours. It all so inefficient but the sad truth is, this was a good day. Still, I made a mistake. I grabbed a bunch of ... treats... from a convenience store instead of eating (peanut butter, oatmeal, blueberries) for lunch. Beef Jerky. Poptarts, Cream crackers. Basically Shit food. After indulging in two poptarts, beef jerky, and way too many crackers I grew horribly drowsy. Maybe just an hour nap I thought. 1 turned to 2. 2 turned to 3. Eventually around 7:30 ish I awake... 9:30 'ish have eaten salad poke bowl for delivery. I should seriously learn how to make my own poke bowls. It was delish. Now panick working on my project to make a 3D game. Another disappointment. I keep getting stuck which might be a result of the alpha state of the system or my own incompetence. I can never tell which it is. Anyways, back to trying to figure out collision detection with Armory3D SINCE THIS getContacts METHOD IS FREEZING MY SYSTEM ARGH Still, I awoke early and cooked breakfast. This act alone made the day so much better. Also, making it so the alarm simply lights up the room may have been an act of genius. If the alarm yells I attack it and silence it for the day, then sleep. But when it shines, I begrudgingly try and sleep through it, slowly waking up.
  5. Detox(77) ****(0) chef(0) Primary Focus: Wake up at 7. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Ideal Morning routine. Awake. Running. Habit was successful until winter came. Surprisingly my cardio endurance is still intact despite my swelling body fat ratio. I wonder what exactly it is that keeps my able to jog further? Heart strength? Once again, something that my reckless hunger preserves even if fatness is a consequence. Secondary Focus: Screen Time dangerous. Use app to block off all distracting websites until end of work hours. Habit Apps. Habit Habitica Keystone Habits To keep an eye on exercising food journaling G.T.D followup and review every week gratitude journal Naturally all these thoughts have once passed. No need to stress, for life is made of cycles. Embrace and don't resist. repeat repeat repeat until they are me. repeat
  6. Detox(73) ???(0) Yeah, problem is I still don't really have anything passionate about what I do. This means that I will be stuck in a loop of exhausting myself for awhile. Still, I feel like I need to fight to establish something as basic as a early morning sleep schedule. I just have such an issue forcing myself awake early. I know some people who could stay up late and still pull through waking up early but I'm not there yet. It's frustrating. In other news, I managed to wake up early once... haha. Now I woke up at 2!!!!. Blegh. #feelsbadman
  7. Detox(70) ****(70) Pfft, screw Poms. I just... need to... do it. I hate this, I don't know how to keep focused. Caffeine don't help. Trying alcohol. Whatever the heck keep me working and not distracted. At this point. I don't care what it is.
  8. Monday Posting Detox(68) ****(0) 8 poms game development accomplished. I hate working at too high a abstract level. Focus Estimation: 37% Must wake up at 7. Will fight until goal achieved. Secondary Goal. Continue making plant based recipes. Slowly and surely, I will find a way. Light based alarm clock coming in. The two things my waking self fears. Light and water.
  9. Detox(66) ****(2) Unproductive day again. I mean, I tried. I was on and off focusing, but there's this terrible foggy state I find myself in so often. It surely is bound to the sheer amount of oversleep I get usually. O'well. Also, I find myself being hungry a lot but I felt like I ate enough today. My concerns about body weight are conflicting with my hunger. The worst part is I can't tell when it's justified. When is my hunger something I can ignore and just how far am I overeating when I finally put the damn beast to rest. This is a common situation for me the more I reflect on it. A dance between hunger and satiation. Even in high school I always felt like I was starving. But, then I was quiet skinny so it matched up. Now, I have fat on me. I'd peg myself at around 27-30% right now. Obviously I want to trend it down, but if hunger is the main thing I use to determine if I'm getting too many calories, I'm kind of confused. Also, hunger usually coincided with this lack of focus. But, I'm fat. How can that be. How can I have too much energy on my body but still feel unsatisfied and as if my mind needs more. I oversleep and get low energy and depressed. I'm going to try having a salad for lunch everyday... on top of what I normally do. I... have a feeling that that's a good first step forwards. I for one have no clue if my hunger is accurate or not, or if I'm merely eating food that leaves me feeling empty. But gods... the urge to get something else right now is so powerful. It distracts me from the day. This endless scavenging.
  10. Cool breakdown of the day. I definitely need something like this. I have a few questions. 15 minutes straight from bed to work is pretty amazing. Do you have breakfast and lunch prepared for the next day in advance?
  11. Detox(65) ****(1) The day is becoming ordered. Being at home makes me realize that I had no order to getting things done. When I was at the library, at least the social pressure and the presence of the place inspired me to study. But in this lethargic room... where I would usually game... it felt as if there were no hope to get it done. Well today I got 6 hours in Pomodoros inside this room done. It was unfocused work. Sometimes I would dive into slight hits of dopamine through music. I found that listening to the Arc of Scythe series through audiobooks on my natural breaks to be a natural reprieve. Guess I'm reliving that Young Adult fiction reader I used to be. Audio books are so fast though. I must keep pushing though. I must install it into my mind and body that this is normal. That a section of my day will always be discipline and struggle. I will not wish that it were easy. I will work so that it may become easier.
  12. Detox(63) ****(0) Lots of cleaning and organizing today. Getting lost in all the things I have to to do. One full day of no digital consumption. Mind turned off as I slowly move. It's so annoying. So tiring. So agitating. I feel listliss and can't focus. Another day another day. Tomorrow we resume a healthy work day. Just remember your breakfast and lunch.
  13. Detox(62) ****(0) Breakfast and Lunch Breakfast and Lunch Keep it hydrated Keep it moving Keep it cooking Step by step I move somewhere else. Step carefully now, or I fall way down. No need to stress for this life is a mess. Just take the steps needed to be somewhere better. No stress, No stress
  14. Detox(58) ****(0) Green tea + pomodora improving productivity rates. Cooking and eating normal food is hard, Fast food moving in to cause addiction. This could be a problem.
  15. detox(56) ****(0) I'm simplifying this stuff. No more trying to freak out or hype up or beat myself up over failures. I'm just going to slowly plan out the next day and build good habits. Truth is, I'm just the end result of bad habits. That's all there is to it. Until stabilized I'm not sure how much of this 'mental' stuff I agonize about is going to help. It's unfortunate that I never lived a life where I built up good habits and now I'm reaping the consequences. Well, there's one bad habit I'm taking down for good. No gaming 56 days... Gonna keep pushing. Dreams: Had a stressful oversleeping kind of dream. I woke up and found myself in a dorm somewhere. Panicking. Not belonging. Not home. Like, I had just joined a new college for the first time. It's was filled with stress and panic. I wonder if that's what it was like when I was younger??? Also, dreamed ABOUT PLAYING STARCRAFT 2. I LEGIT WOKE UP AND THOUGHT THAT I HAD BROKEN MY STREAK. I woke up feeling completely defeated.
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