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JaniP

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  1. Well you are right I think it might be MORE multitasking THAN rapid task switching if you are, let's say, talking to a friend about something and at the same time programming some C-code on the computer and situations like that are what I am having problems with right now. For example today I was using a calculator to solve a physics problem and I was sitting in front of a computer (not using the computer). The girl had to ask me two times, if I am using the computer or not before she even got my attention. So it might be that my ability to focus on one thing at a time is nowadays better than before, when I felt like a kid with ADD (not willing to offend anyone suffering from ADD/ADHD). Before I started eating the bag, my feelings were kind of neutral - even too neutral, if I may say. The thing was that, my life has become very, very flat in these last 20 days without my computer. So this "flatness" is something I believe is caused by the lack of certain signal compounds like dopamine or noradrenaline. Especially dopamine is a compound that gives us the rewarding feeling when being successful in a game or smoking cigarettes or doing ANYTHING which can hook you. Now the thing is that I am doing really few things to activate my brains' dopamine excretion and that is causing the need to eat candies or to drink alcohol (or even the cravings for gaming). Atleast this is what I believe. Well, this was good self-reflection (and some guessing) again
  2. Day 19: A regular day in the university again. The good thing here is that it seems I am still not getting bored of it, so my journey towards the medschool entrance exam shall continue! This day was also special because I managed to go jogging again and I am actually getting better at it: 5.6 km in 33mins! Considering the fact that I was running on an icy surface it was an achievement . Day 20: After finishing my day in the university a bit earlier (midday) I went home and sent an application to a new band (I am already playing in one but we are having a break because of distance) and it felt really good; after all, this was again something caused by quitting gaming. So now just feeling super excited to get a response from that band Today I had to fight against some cravings again. I was just having a chat with my friend in a cafeteria and suddendly he began talking about new computers and how he is getting one etc. It felt literally really bad. That guy is like my only friend at the moment and now he is doing like that. Well, I have to forgive him for causing this thing to me because he can not know how hard it actually is to fight these feelings day after day. It's also good to notice that I can actually stand my ground here.
  3. Day 17: It was just a regular day at the university and after that 3 miles of running! Some observations though: There has been a significant increase in my appetite now, which is good because earlier I had to force myself to eat. I think it's just the cause of increased activity during the day. I also feel more relaxed and focused during the day; it's significantly easier to focus on one thing at a time nowadays, but when trying to multitask..... well, that's not as good as before . It has been around 3 days without any cravings now so the situation is stabilizing again I guess. Day 18: Today I had a good day in the university; managed to solve some physics problems effectively for about 4 hours straight and after that I was basically just slacking there and chatting with my friend. Then I reached home and did something terrible - I. Ate. A bag. Of. Candy. It's not only the sugar rush; I feel bad because for me eating a bag of candy might be a sign of something bothering me subconsciously. Well of course quitting gaming is still there and it bothers me a little every day... I just don't want things to fall apart again. It's good that I can write here, so thoughts like this are processed and not left aside unprocessed instead. Now I gotta do some chemistry so I can reach bed early today! Maybe next time I will do some reflection on my goals.
  4. Thanks guys, it means a lot to me that you guys are here with me! And I know that with patience this, in addition to every other obstacle right now, is a beatable challenge! I have it already I think the problem is in my browsing history...YouTube seems to forage the search queries you enter and it creates suggestions for you to watch. I actually thought that I already did a reset to my browser, following Cam's earlier advice, but it seems it didn't work.
  5. Day 15: So it seems 1/6 of the detox is already done! This day was a bit better than the earlier one; I really took myself some time to relax and it was a day when I didn't have any thoughts related to relapsing or to bad things in general. Maybe it was a bit boring day too, but we gotta have them once in a while too. Day 16: I went to the school even though I didn't even have anything scheduled for the day there. Nowadays it feels that the school is the place to work, since I am not denying the usage of internet from myself. This means, that when I am at home, things tend to turn into watching an episode of Grey's Anatomy (yes, I watch it lol and I get critizised by that :D) or just some random surfing. Here I can see the difference between the general internet dependency/addiction and the gaming addiction. I couldn't have controlled gaming like this. Never. "I will go to school today, so that I will not be gaming the whole day!" Yeah, sure *insert sarcasm-face here*. Today I also went wall-climbing again so my hands are aching like hell; I actually can call writing this journal an accomplishment now. Well, I'd dare to say, that it's an accomplishment for me every time. It's the hard part here But I actually think that this has subconsciously helped me already so I think writing this journal is worth the effort. I've set a record now in writing an own journal. \o/
  6. Doesn't require a scientist to deduct that one side effect of not gaming is also not sitting on the computer at all Again missed 2 days for the journal.. Day 13: It was pretty much like the days so far, nothing special there really. Managed to go jogging in the evening, which I think is a good thing for that day. And studying the whole day naturally is good too. Day 14: Today was a different deal. I woke up at around 10 o clock, which is pretty early for me on a weekend. I had slept like 9 hours and I was so exhausted somehow.... Then I noticed this sharp pain in my throat, which I feel now too. So today was like a day off - I went walking to the forest to cool down my thoughts, watched TV with my family and just ate a lot. Feels like christmas already The bad thing however was, that my thoughts were full of gaming today. Everytime I opened YouTube, there was something about gaming. I was even dreaming (vividly) about gaming or something related to that. Actually I think it was a LAN-party in the middle of a farming field. I wonder if my subconsciousness is trying to tell me something ?! Now there is this thought in my head that I wanted to spit out here.. I think that I might be overdoing things a little at the moment. I feel the stress building up inside me and I am afraid that I have no means of getting rid of this stress.. It might be that I am just becoming sick here or something but I feel that I am just gonna burn myself out little by little if I carry on like this. Not really sure what to do here, but I will update the situation to this journal as time goes on. Some quantity of stress in life is necessary and helpful to get things done; it can really motivate us and give us the energy to do something, but also too much stress has its adverse effects - exhaustion, bad mood, etc.. I just don't want to be a quitter either (except a game quitter ;D) so I am kind of pinned down here. Maybe I should just try to relax. Trying to reach the computer at some time tomorrow too so that I can write more then.
  7. Welcome Richard! Count on us!
  8. Totally agreed here Thanks ! Day 12: A lot of studying today too. I am feeling more and more happy about my life - and this is only the beginning... I am actually really excited every time, when a new day starts! After my two-year-long period of depression it feels like heaven now. Today I went to a hardware store with my friend. I was ok until then but then I noticed the brand new gaming setups that they had there... Like they have similar in those e-sports arenas with the chairs and everything.. And they were on discount in the store Daaamn the cravings at that point!!! But I actually managed to just turn away and I started thinking for a substitute for the gaming-thoughts so instead of taking a closer look at the gaming rig specs, I turned towards the hifi-side. I had to wait for my friend so I spent a really awkward and somewhat scary 30mins in that store. After that the feeling inside me was similar to that, when (let's say that) you have a simple crush or a girlfriend and you see her just going with another guy. It's like an intrusive feeling I guess? Anyway, I hope I can deal with similar situations in the future. It was something really similar to the situations when my friends are trying to get me to play games after quitting them (luckily this didn't happen to me during this detox yet!). Tomorrow should be an active day, also looking forward to spend a little time with my sister who is visiting me briefly now She was actually seemingly happy about my decision to quit games. As a matter of fact she might have been the person who started this thing in me - she was so rude to me the last time I was with her and it was all about how gaming destroys me and my personality. I think she was right. Now she even invited me for a pre-christmas party w/ her friends so things might get awesome (or awwwwwfully messy! ).
  9. Day 11: So as I promised to myself, this time it didn't take me two days to update this journal. Today I spent the day in the university again; we had some really intresting lectures about human physiology and basic anatomy. And of course throughout the day I was following the US presidential election process (which by the way was more in the news here than our own elections usually are ). After school I took a running trip outside and it felt awesome (if you leave out the fact that it was -10 celsius). Also what comes to running, I didn't do it in a long time like this. Today I have started to feel that I am literally getting my life back little by little! Also I had a few moments today when I felt emptiness and boredom inside me and I wanted to just take my computer and play games on it with my friends. But I didn't do it today and I certainly will not do it in the future!
  10. Thanks for following my progress so far Trying to carry on updating as much as possible. Day 9: I didn't even remember to write anything yesterday, even though it was a special day compared to the other days lately. Maybe it was the lack of time caused by extra-activities I went wallclimbing (bouldering) and it was supercool! Now my hands are aching like hell though, but it was worth it. Then of course did some studying and watched Grey's Anatomy. Day 10: Today was like an ode to sleepiness. Just felt really tired the whole day and was basically just sleeping through the lectures. When I came home, I just took some sleep and then I was ready to study on my own again. The good thing must be that I didn't think of gaming today. My mind is 120% on my entrance exam, which will be on 17th of May. That's my goal right there. Tomorrow I will do this journal on time!
  11. Day 8: It's been over a week now. Thoughts? Still feeling really anxious, when I am just "standing still" or not doing anything productive. Today I didn't crave to game as much as yesterday and I think that's a good thing. Basically what I did today, was 6 hours of chemistry and physics, mainly focusing on the entrance exam. Did some homework too though. The last 2 hours I spent with my guitar and metronome, just trying to get a better synchronization with my left and right hand. Tomorrow is a big day, I guess... Better take some sleep now!
  12. Now I gotta make this post when I still remember, yesterday I missed my journaling session so updating for two days now... Day 6: Was a pretty good day. I woke up at 7am and headed for the university for a lecture. I've been observing a slight change of focusability in myself: it's easier to register what people say now. Also I am not distracted by anything, atleast when I am doing something. And well, I noticed that when I am NOT doing something then I feel really anxious and irritated all the time. Maybe it's the craving for the feeling that I used to get when playing computer games. I think it has something to do with our brains' limbic system and dopamine. Gotta study that more When I got back from school, I started playing guitar and that was actually really nice this time. Started doing a training workout for that again. Also found some neat new bands that I started listening. When I was playing computer games, I had the tendency of listening to really slow and sad music. Now it's changed to power metal The difference is big, so much melodies and happy thoughts. Then I just watched something from netflix. Day 7: So today isn't basically over yet, but since I might not be around here in the evening, I am updating the journal now. So today I went for a walk with my mother and our dog. I actually enjoyed the outside world and got a really happy feeling from that. Then we headed for the local restaurant for a lunch and the food was delicious I think this is exactly enjoying the little things in life. Now then I am just sitting at home and planning to do some physics calculations next. Also later I might try going out to a nightclub with an old friend - feeling kinda nervous, how it's gonna be Really can't come up with nothing else to write now, but the main thing, I guess, is that I write atleast something. Gotta be consistent!
  13. Day 5: This day has been full of sleepiness and deep thoughts about the current state of my life. I started the day by going to the university as usual and attended an anatomy lecture. I had the plan to go to the gym again but I still felt that I have no energy for that so when I reached home, I just slept for half an hour and started doing my home assignments. After that I had some time for self-reflection so I went out for a walk with our dog. I was thinking, how after only 5 days without games I am a different person. I smile a lot more, I laugh, I am curious and more creative. I arranged some musical stuff too.. Maybe at some point I can post some of my work here if people are interested to hear . Also today when I was bored after reaching home from school, for the first time I had some cravings (it's only been 5 days, *slapping myself*) so I decided better to do something about it and I watched Cam's video about cravings. Here is the link if you need it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PjLmwn_0GWM I think my job for tomorrow is to get rid of more things affecting this quitting process, such as certain YouTube subscriptions for pro gamers that I used to watch. The video suggestions popping out in there (especially when I am trying to do home assignments, lol) are so annoying and distracting that I am instantly getting bad thoughts about them. Also it's friday tomorrow so the evening kinda creeps me out. The best I can do for myself right now is to keep the productive way of life so maybe my goal for tomorrow evening should be to solve a couple of physics problems for my med-school entrance exam . Time to get some sleep. No! First one episode of Supernatural .
  14. Thanks guys! Hmm sounds intresting, I didn't know about this... So far managed to keep the control with nicotine pills. Good for you and your wife that she is quitting it Gotta try the apps !
  15. Nice job on reaching 30 days, neighbor ! Interested in following your progress! Keep it up!
  16. Welcome! Count on us man!
  17. Day 4: I woke up in the morning after a long night, felt like I hadn't slept at all. Ate a fast breakfast and took the bus to the university. During the ride I felt a bit more social, not looking at my shoes the whole journey . I got positive vibes from the bus ride even though it was morning. And I am certainly not a morning-person. In the university I spent 9 hours studying today. It also included some socializing, which was difficult to me when I was still playing video games. Today it felt different already - I could feel myself throwing a smile or two to my co-workers while doing a group assignment. Also I began to eat more during the days now - it used to be hard to find the time to prepare the daily food because playing games hijacked that time. That 30 minutes to prepare something and then eat it. To feel healthier. Back home I just relaxed - I was supposed to go the gym, but nowadays I am also suffering from nicotine deprivation, so nicotine deprivation -> sleep deprivation -> fatigue. But I am not feeling sad about it. There are so many good sides about this right now, that these kind of tiny obstacles really do not make me sad. I am so tired now that it's hard to come up with anything more about my Day 4. Maybe tomorrow will be a fresher day !
  18. Day 3: I can say that today has been a REALLY productive day. I spent over nine hours revising the organic chemistry course, that I am on. Three days without gaming and gosh, I feel like I was born again - the anxiety is gone, I am actually talking (and willing to do it) to people and life seems to smile. Considering the past 12 months that I spent in the grasp of depression, this is a dream come true. It's 10:10pm here in Finland now and I noticed that this is the right time to write my journal every day. Along with quitting gaming I decided to do another hard task - quitting smoking. I am actually half way there already with that. I started smoking when I was 19 and since then it has been there almost all the time to ruin my health and economy. A couple of months ago I switched to an e-cigarette and it has worked fine. I can really recommend that as a means of quitting smoking. However, yesterday evening I happened to take a look at one health magazine, that my mother is usually reading and there was an article about the dangers of e-cigs. It said that nicotine has been proved to cause cancer now. Before I knew that smoking causes it but I couldn't have imagined, that nicotine itself does that too. It's a natural compound in human body after all. It's not only the cancer - I also want to save some money for my trip to visit North America some time soon and even quitting e-cigs (which are a ton cheaper than regular smoking) will help me with this goal. These thoughts were risen up in my head today because of quitting gaming - I even want to travel more ! Other than just doing schoolwork, I really didn't almost have time to do anything else. I played guitar for half an hour and that felt awesome too! Of course there were some moments during the day when I was in the school, that I wanted to get back home, install my PC back on its place and start gaming. But those thoughts vanished as they appeared. Tomorrow will be a busy day too but I will have more time for myself in the evening... I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing - I would like to keep myself as occupied as possible to not relapse at any point or not to feel bad about quitting gaming. Good that I told my mom to lock my PC to a safe place (that even I myself do not know :D) Looking forward to see a new day tomorrow.... Time to sleep.
  19. Wow, indeed you answered all my questions and even more ! It seems that indeed minimizing the gaming influences at least temporarily is the best thing to do now; as you said, the people truly caring about me would stay in my life in a way or another that way. Actually this was a huge concern for me. Mainly because I have had my own detoxes and relapses too, even though they were not like "official". Every single time the relapse was related to my friends' pressure. This made me feel better, thanks man!
  20. Awesome, can't wait to hear what the community thinks! Hey Alex! Congrats for the 260+(-ish :D) days! I watched the whole documentary a couple of hours ago and before going to bed I thought I would like to say something. First of all: when you quit gaming, your brother still carried on with it. Now here's how it's related to my situation. Last year I was living together with a friend of mine who is a gaming/internet addict. Even though I usually enjoyed my time with him while playing games or even while (rarely) doing some random things, he and his friends managed to pull me back to the dark side. I mean, I had quit gaming at one point like 9 months ago, but seeing him playing games under the same roof eventually made me do the same thing. With all the respect towards your brother, I still want to ask you: How do you cope with him still gaming? Do you ever find it tough? I am asking this because a BIG majority of my friends are gamers and being in their company might be harmful to me. I know for sure that the easiest way would be to forget those people and move forward but for you it was different; you were living with your own brother... Damn son, your decision to quit is the finest of examples here. I want to emphasize once more that I do not want to disrespect your family; your brother must feel some kind of pressure about whether to quit or carry on with gaming too. The other thing is related to my own situation right now. In the video they brought up Twitch and the NZ pro-gaming scene. It was touching to see all the things there that I had just let go of. It even featured the same game I was playing all these years (League of Legends) and I actually bursted into tears when I saw something that I felt I would miss now after I quit gaming. But of course this is nothing I am angry about here, it's just something that I wanted to share here and it reflects perfectly how much emotion-filled it was for me to game. Actually I am really thankful to you for sharing this video here, Alex. Then there was the point of gaming being an addiction. This was also why it was intresting to watch it til' the end. I actually wrote something about it today so I wouldn't write it again here. But in my opinion it's just true - gaming is an addiction and can be cured like any other addiction too. Now, I really hope no one gets insulted about this post, I assure to everyone that it wasn't my intention here. I just wanted to share my thoughts. Keep it up Alex!
  21. Indeed it is. What comes to the weight being lifted off, I would say that yeah; most of the time it feels like that but what will be disturbing for some time is also the empty hole that quitting gaming sometimes leaves to your days. But hey: it wasn't ment to be easy anyway, was it? What I've also noticed now is that like in any addiction, whether it's drugs, alcohol, gambling etc., it's beneficial to do some self-reflection. Of course not everyone knows how to do it the best way - it's something that you learn when you just give time for yourself. For instance, I learned it when I was depressed and I really didn't have anything else to do except thinking out loud, why was I depressed? So today I actually admitted it for the first time: I am ADDICTED to gaming. I even spoke to my father about this. Of course he told me "I have been trying to tell you this for the last 10 years, but you never listened." Well, it was hard to admit it back then So for the people, who didn't think of this yet, I would encourage to admit that thing to themselves. Compulsive and obsessive gaming is like any addiction and it can be treated like any addiction. It just takes time, patience and actions. I've spoken Thanks for the comment Paul, made me think about this really! I also want to say that if there are other comments, I will not ignore a single comment. So if I don't answer you, it doesn't mean that I am taking your thoughts for granted or that I wouldn't be interested in them. I'll try my best
  22. First of all: I have never been good at keeping a journal. My main problem is to be consistent with it. This time, however, I have a goal, a target: To quit all forms of gaming for good. I think I covered my feelings somehow in my starting/introduction post to the forums so I will be starting this journal from Day 2 (today, 31. October 2016) Day 2: The first day of my gaming detox was over. I actually felt good after the first day after making my huge decision but right before falling asleep I was really afraid of these few days to become... How would I spend the time? The days are long after all and before when I was still gaming, I actually didn't need to worry about spending/wasting the spare time during the day; I could simply spend it gaming and didn't need to worry about the passing time. So waking up to Day 2. I was tired. Really tired. In the morning I knew that I will have an exam in couple of hours. The exam was about general human anatomy and the specific subject was the anatomy of brains, eyes, ears and the central- and periferic nervous system. Well, eventually I was done with the exam and I think I will pass it. After that I decided to get a haircut after a long time so I booked a time and went to the barber. The big thing here is, that when I was still gaming, I would hardly do these kind of things. It felt productive, even though in the end it's a really small thing to do. And you do not even need to do it yourself But still, I felt that I am doing something productive for myself. After that I came back to the university (where I am still writing this journal). Now the latter is something that didn't happen too often when I was gaming. I wouldn't stay at the university, if I really didn't need to. Actually, I wouldn't sometimes be there even if I really needed to! So again something that I should be grateful for. In the meantime I also attended a really hard chemistry class and actually got something out of it, since I wasn't thinking about - let's say - bot lane strategies for League of Legends for the evening's gaming session. No, this time I feel that in the evening I want to spend my time more productively. In my introduction post I didn't remember to tell that I play guitar a lot, so that's what I am planning to do when I reach home. Also one thing on my list is to study more chemistry because I skipped a lot of classes when the course began. I think this is one of the best after effects about quitting gaming - you actually start to take more responsibility in what you want to accomplish and what you are doing in your every day life. For example in the morning I also booked a free classroom for my group for the chemistry group assignment. Even these kind of things are something I didn't do when I was gaming. Never. When I am done with the primary plans for this evening I would probably just watch an episode or two of Supernatural and the new episode of The Walking Dead. Then trying my best to sleep early today, since I know that also the healthy cycle of sleep and nutrition helps getting rid of the addiction!
  23. Welcome Nancy! As a REALLY fresh newcomer myself it's good to know that other people are joining at the same time with me We also seem to have a lot of things in common too. One of them is the League history I played for almost 5 years and day before yesterday I played my last LoL match ever. I also dated a fellow player (a girl). These things might not seem too relevant but I think that when we have similarities with each other here, the feeling of belonging here and doing the right thing becomes more powerful Best of luck, Nancy!
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