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About JustTom

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  1. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Non-Zero Day 3 So I played this morning for ~1 hour and it bored me. Still, even at the office in the morning, I'm feeling cravings and I think I will play some more in the evening. I want to keep some kind of a counter even if not a detox, so it's non-zero days. We'll see how I feel later in the day and if I manage to advance my project at least a little bit. Will update at the end of the day.
  2. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Day 2 Afternoon update: I'm feeling very strong cravings. I'm waiting for results that will take 3 hours, so I'm very tempted to go home and play. "Just one evening". I'm just frustrated by trying to identify the source of a magical bug that makes no sense at all, so I'm trying to escape it. The fact that I have to message the blizzard support and at least somewhat explain the situation in order to get my account back is pretty awkward though. AAAhhh. Evening update: I went home, and felt really 'exhausted'. I know it wasn't real exhaustion, but the brain fog was very strong either way. What I should have done is change my physiological state and I did want to go to the gym, but in the end I didn't go. I installed overwatch and fell asleep on the couch during the installation. Which was probably lucky for me, since I would have just played the whole evening and night. Instead, I woke up at ~6am, played for an hour, got really bored, then chilled, watched a few videos and went out to the office. How I'd wish to just be normal.
  3. I think everyone NEEDS to have both a positive and a negative vision. You need to have a vision of your ideal life, of something you want to achieve, of something that matters to you that you think is worth fighting for. And on the other hand, you also need to have a vision of how your life would look like if you didn't try. The "worst case scenario" in a sense. That vision is scary. In life, both positive and negative motivation have value and are most effective together.
  4. JustTom

    Begin again

    I never thought about this, but it's kind of true for me too. After two or more weeks, it feels like the norm, it feels kinda boring. Like 'is that it' ? Just being normal? Where's all the world-conquering? It's like we want to do a 180 in a few weeks and become superstars. Maybe it's because taking a detox feels like becoming a superstar, because it's going from shit to normal so the improvement is huge. But then to go from normal to excellent takes exponentially longer and that's where the patience runs out.
  5. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Day 1 The first day is almost always a sleep reset for me so I'm pretty tired now. My supervisor wasn't at work today so I could take it chill - did it a bit of work, read a bunch about gaming addiction, signed up for coaching, replied to people I've been ignoring, bunch of miscellaneous stuff like that. I also might have found a bug that has been holding back my project. I'm leaving my laptop at the office, as this was the single most impactful trick that worked in the past. Also setting up a stickk bet for tomorrow to get up in the morning. On top of that, I'm actively looking for coaching to keep me accountable or have some emergency solution. I'd also like to find a support group. Or make one. Again with the ideas... Cravings are really really strong. I was thinking multiple times that I could just go home, get a new account and play today. Let's see if I can resist it tomorrow. Thanks, I'm glad to be back. Unfortunately, that is all that I'm doing right now. It's been like that for a while and I hate it with every fiber of my being. I want to finish and then be free, do something else, do something that I genuinely enjoy. But because I'm struggling so hard with gaming and depression, the degree is getting longer and longer each week that I fail.
  6. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    AGAIN | Day 0 It's been 23 days since my last relapse and the last 10 days have been the most solitary and empty days of my life. I hate myself, I hate what I've become, I hate being in my head, I hate the looks people give me for failing over and over again, I hate giving empty promises and I hate my life. I've gone from ambitious, happy and wonderous person to - I don't even know what. Literally laying in my room on a computer, never going outside, getting fat and accumulating trash around me. In the past two or so months, I've played 200 hours of overwatch, not accounting for at least 50 more hours of watching overwatch videos. My life is a mess, and I'm dying. It's monday morning and after watching today's game of thrones episode(which was epic, by the way!), I've cleaned up my room a bit, changed my battle.net password and e-mail to a self-destructing address and I'm about to head off outside. I don't know what's going to happen and how people will react to me, if they give me another chance - maybe, maybe not. Either way, I still believe there is hope for me for a happy life. Even though I don't see it, I believe it is there. I don't have any practical strategy worked out yet, though I think my bag of tricks is empty at this point. My promises to others as well as to myself hold no value anymore, but even then, I would like to promise to myself to never play again.
  7. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Thursday | Focus: 85% | Pomodoros: 19
  8. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Tuesday | Focus: 70% | Pomodoros: 12 Wednesday | Focus: 70% | Pomodoros: 16 Still gaming, but not much. I'm trying really hard to show up every day for work and progress the thesis. Sleep is pretty messed up but I'm doing what I can. Because of this, I don't have time left for anything else. Let's hope I won't waste this weekend as I did all the other previous weekends.
  9. 1. Being born into a western, middle-class environment. 2. Friends at home, that won't forget me even if I'm out of the country for years and I can come back any time to a very welcoming environment with deep relationships. 3. Health. My seasonal allergy every summer reminds me how impactful health is on one's life and I'm grateful that apart from that I don't really have other issues.
  10. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Focus: 70% | Pomodoros: 18 + social For the past week, I've been gaming some days and not gaming some other days, overall it's pretty bad but I think I'm recovering again this week. I got a new laptop and of course I had to take the new GPU for a spin so that was a fantastic bait. I can't promise I won't game tomorrow(or even today), but I'm posting here for consistency. It's not all doom and gloom though. I mean, maybe it should be, since I haven't been to the gym for like 3 weeks, I'm over-eating, over-sleeping, gaming, missing work, not meeting people and generally being a lazy slob, but.. I've been worse too LOL! In the end, I did put in the effort today and then watched game of thrones with classmates in the evening. It felt really nice visiting the uni again. I miss the community and hanging out with them more often, since now I only go to my internship.
  11. JustTom

    Octsober Country - Let's do this

    Try me. How much? 😄 Looks like you know what to do then, good luck! EDIT: Damnit this reminded me of some old ideas I had for some weird-ass games myself and now I can't stop thinking about it haha.
  12. JustTom

    Octsober Country - Let's do this

    Some brainstorming on your board game store: Contact local geek stores, look for communities -> organize play-testing sessions, bribe them with free beer or something Set a concrete goal on finalizing your game Create social media presence instagram, facebook, twitter especially - the content can be just slightly adjusted versions of the same piece to suit the platform Post about your play-testing sessions, pictures, stories, mini-interviews with players, store owners, geek culture, what have you post about other board games, connect with the industry, why not - articles, opinions, pictures, news, whatever find board game enthusiasts/influencers, send them your game for free, perhaps let them affiliate if it's possible for you look for relevant hashtags, engage in the discussions in the comments, make sure when they click on your profile it leads them directly where you want to focus on growing and engaging, not selling think later down the line how to leverage the brand -> bird branded accessories (e.g dice) improve the webpage (a google form?? t.t )
  13. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Day 11 | Focus: 60% | Pomodoros: 27 Crushed it again! Mediocre focus, but I'm happy that I'm able to push myself, get up in the morning and go to work. I've been sacrificing all social life as well as working out this week - I really just wanted to put in serious hours. This weekend I will go to a housewarming party, work out in the morning both days and perhaps finalize my investing research and buy. I've more or less figured out my complex tax situation and opened a brokerage account, so I'm very happy about that. I don't want to spend hustle hours on that anymore, it's time to get back to roots, time to get back to 100% ROI potential, time to get back to e-commerce WOO! I will shift my morning routine by an hour as well so that I will get to my desired schedule by the end of the month. The ideal schedule would allow me to work 40 hours on my thesis, go to the gym 3 times, go out 3 times(short-ish), do chores and shopping once and still leave me with 18 hours of side hustle time. If I can keep up my momentum throughout this weekend, I am confident I will reach this amount of discipline and practical motivation and finally WIN!
  14. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Day 10 | Focus: 70% | Pomodoros: 25 The hustle continues. Felt a lot better than yesterday, mostly because I had fixed the bug and could focus on different tasks. The project is still looking quite desperate, but at least it's now enjoyable to work on. I also picked a laptop to buy. It's gonna be pretty sweet I have to say haha. Hm... I guess I'm a phase where I don't write a lot huh.
  15. JustTom

    JustTom's Journal 3

    Day 9 | Focus: 45% | Pomodoros: 16 I overslept today 😮 I've been running on very little sleep for the past 2-3 days, and today is not going to be an exception, though I slept a lot during the day, so I hope that balances out. The thesis is going bad, I have to buy a new laptop and I can't find the time to go out or go to the gym. I've also been fixing the weirdest bug I've ever seen in my life. For 12 hours. I really hope I can stay disciplined throughout the next weekend so that I can knock off some of the todo-list entries. Thanks!