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Question of the week: What's your favourite quote?


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Posts posted by JustTom

  1. Image result for start the damn tourney before robert baratheon


    "Start the damn joust before I piss meself!" - Robert Baratheon



    "You see, money doesn't just buy you a better life, better food, better cars, better women, it also makes you a better person." - Jordan Belford (movie)


    Ok now for real. 


    "Success is the continuous realization of a worthy goal." - Earl Nightingale

    This has been the single most influential sentence in my life. It's one of those things that work as a switch. It changed my entire view of being successful from reaching a goal to progressively strive for a goal. As long as you're following the best strategy you know of and you're doing the best you can, you're being successful. 

    That means, if I'm on the detox, if I'm being productive and working hard towards my vision, I'm successful, no matter how far I am from actually achieving it. To me, success is a process, not an event or a state. 





  2. Answer to the question is the second paragraph. I went on a little bit of a rant here, sorry 😄

    I've been obsessively gaming ever since I remember. During highschool, I started to sense that maybe this is a problem, but didn't consciously come to the conclusion that I'm addicted. Then, during the bachelor studies, I've realized that I'm not only gaming too much, but that I'm unable to reduce it if I try. Regardless of that, I never really attempted to stop gaming. I was okay being completely mediocre and passing my classes by the skin of my teeth, often asking for help with assignments from some of my hard-working friends/classmates. I was pretty much just doing uni work and gaming. I didn't meet any new people and since my degree was computer science, I didn't meet any girls. Here and there I would go get drunk with friends or even work out, in more productive phases, but they didn't last too long. Then, in the last year of my bachelors, I took a step back and really thought hard about what I want to do in life, found my passion in life(which I have since lost LOL but that's another topic) and shortly after, I randomly got into a short relationship with a girl. These two things combined(a goal to strive for and a girl) made me not need to game at all. In fact when we started dating, I completely stopped playing or even watching all video games. I didn't force myself, I just stopped because I didn't feel like playing. I felt like the real life was so much better and even when I tried to login to league and play a game, I was immediatelly put off and felt like going out meeting people or working towards my goals. Those were the best times. She broke up with me 2 months after(different reasons), but it didn't get my down too much and for the first time in my life, I started actively meeting girls. I gamed a little bit at that time, but not too much. Then I got admitted to a very good university in a foreign country, to a programme which was my passion at that time. So I finished my bachelors and moved there 2 months early, to build social life, work hard and crush it in general. I was going to live by myself for the first time and be an adult. And what happened?


    The new environment in which I had an entire apartment to myself combined with not having ANY responsibility(it was summer break) combined with not having people in the city to take me out, I started gaming again. Hardcore. And I mean 16 hours per day kind of gaming. I just couldn't stop myself. I had all these plans of going to events, meetings, getting to know people, studying beforehand to get a headstart on a very difficult programme - all that went to shit. I gamed nonstop, I only went out to get groceries, I didn't even explore the beautiful city for like a month. In that month, I realized that I have a huge problem and it needs to stop. I had multiple games that I played, but the main one was league, I had years of life on that game and right before the programme was about to start, I finally made the decision to delete my main account. That was so huge. It was my main link to the gaming world, it was essentially my life. And so my journey of recovery began. The rest of the story is for another topic, but I will say that after this decision, I had the most hard-working 2 months of my life and passed the most difficult course of the entire 2 years of that programme with a very decent grade. 

    • Like 1

  3. Day 4 & 5 (on-going)


    For 3 days, I've quite literally spent sleeping and laying on the couch watching youtube and re-runs of rick and morty. I'm not sure what is wrong with me. I don't feel particularly bad in my body, it's more like I have absolutely 0 will to do anything. Like even standing up, walking 3 steps to drink some water seems like an insurmountable task. Any movement or effort at all, no matter how miniscule, feels like... just not worth it. Like, I know drinking water or standing up or tidying up would make me feel better, but I just don't do it. It's like both my discipline and willpower have dropped to the absolute zero and I'd rather die than move.

    But I FINALLY managed to revert my sleep schedule. On day 4, I repeated the same pattern of being in a vegetative state, but because I 'woke up' at 10pm, it is possible for me to stay up during the night as well as day 5 and go to bed in the evening, like a normal person. Somehow I managed to gather up enough willpower to take a shower, put on clothes and leave my dadrk room. I'm in the office at night now and I'm already feeling much better. I'm taking a few hours to hang out in the forums, read a bit, then attend the CGAA meeting and then get to work. 

    Cravings are there, but not too bad. I'm quite confident I won't game this weekend. I don't even have anything to play, since I gave away all my multi-player accounts and there are no more single-player games I'm interested in right now. I will also talk with my potential sponsor soon, so I'm really looking forward to that. 

    Attended another online CGAA meeting at night and I'm feeling very hopeful that I can keep the detox going this time. I will be attending the meetings every day that I can make the time. I think it's helpful to talk and share real-time. 



    6 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

    It's a véry healthy thing to be able to see that, let alone admit that to somebody else. Give yourself a tap on the shoulder for that 🙂

    The next step is figuring out what things you could to do improve the situation. Dare to look in the mirror and ask yourself what you need or want and then the next step is figuring out how you'll arrange that.

    Bit by bit, bro. Slow and steady.

    Thanks for the support friend, I really appreciate it! If I take the no-bullshit approach here, the best course of action would be to change my environment radically. Either go to a meditation retreat for a couple of weeks, or move out and live with a roomie. The problem is that the former requires me to quit my master thesis(which I could go back into later but it would be a lot of lost time) and the latter - well, I don't know how to pull off. I have a binding contract until december at my current apartment and I don't even know anybody who would like to share a room. Unless I'd go back to my home country and live with a buddy of mine, but that means quitting/pausing the degree as well. Soooooooooooooooooooooooo the third best plan is to... just get as much help from other people as possible and try harder with the same basic strategy. So I'm looking for accountability buddies/sponsors/coaches and getting on the detox again, hoping that my depression states become less frequent or go away altogether after a while.

    It's really demotivating seeing that I've gotten WORSE since I started trying to quit about a year ago, but hey. What can you do. Life is hard. 😄

    • Like 1

  4. 6 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

    Just maybe do 1 thing? Babysteps, mate. If you feel like making yourself a proper meal or some other mundane thing is a feat, then it is and you can at least feel like you did something proper with your time.

    Yeah I'm... completely unable to function. It's been like this on and off for a few months. I really need help.

    • Like 1

  5. Day 2

    I practically slept through the entire day. Because I don't game anymore, I just avoid reality with sleeping, as is the tradition. Didn't go to my internship and generally felt like a piece of shit. I thought I would go to the office at least for the evening/night, but then I procrastinated and eventually felt asleep. Day 3 already started the same way, waking up at ~2pm. 

  6. 3 hours ago, Phoenixking said:

    Same here. Back after a while. Day 1 will be tomorrow I guess; but still. Empathy!

    Oh man, I really wished you succeeded and just moved on! Let's change together then, for good. We have the same detox start day, let's see who finishes 90 days first 😄

    EDIT: Oh I just read your entries and realized you're not talking about gaming. 

    • Like 1

  7. Non-Zero Day 3

    So I played this morning for ~1 hour and it bored me. Still, even at the office in the morning, I'm feeling cravings and I think I will play some more in the evening. I want to keep some kind of a counter even if not a detox, so it's non-zero days. We'll see how I feel later in the day and if I manage to advance my project at least a little bit.

    Will update at the end of the day.

    • Like 1

  8. Day 2

    Afternoon update: I'm feeling very strong cravings. I'm waiting for results that will take 3 hours, so I'm very tempted to go home and play. "Just one evening". I'm just frustrated by trying to identify the source of a magical bug that makes no sense at all, so I'm trying to escape it. The fact that I have to message the blizzard support and at least somewhat explain the situation in order to get my account back is pretty awkward though. AAAhhh.

    Evening update: I went home, and felt really 'exhausted'. I know it wasn't real exhaustion, but the brain fog was very strong either way. What I should have done is change my physiological state and I did want to go to the gym, but in the end I didn't go. I installed overwatch and fell asleep on the couch during the installation. Which was probably lucky for me, since I would have just played the whole evening and night. Instead, I woke up at ~6am, played for an hour, got really bored, then chilled, watched a few videos and went out to the office. 

    How I'd wish to just be normal.

  9. I think everyone NEEDS to have both a positive and a negative vision. 

    You need to have a vision of your ideal life, of something you want to achieve, of something that matters to you that you think is worth fighting for. And on the other hand, you also need to have a vision of how your life would look like if you didn't try. The "worst case scenario" in a sense. That vision is scary. In life, both positive and negative motivation have value and are most effective together.

    • Like 1

  10. 1 hour ago, Catherine17 said:

    I thought about my mistakes. Maybe, I am sort of enjoying the feeling of commitment and determination...I know, it sounds ridiculous, but it feels so cool to start a detox, but this feeling fades away after a few days, and you feel down and you go on a binge, and then you decide you cannot go on like this and you go on a detox, which feels great, but then you are tired and it all happens again. I must meditate on that for a while. It may help. 


    I never thought about this, but it's kind of true for me too. After two or more weeks, it feels like the norm, it feels kinda boring. Like 'is that it' ? Just being normal? Where's all the world-conquering? It's like we want to do a 180 in a few weeks and become superstars. Maybe it's because taking a detox feels like becoming a superstar, because it's going from shit to normal so the improvement is huge. But then to go from normal to excellent takes exponentially longer and that's where the patience runs out. 

    • Like 2

  11. Day 1

    The first day is almost always a sleep reset for me so I'm pretty tired now. My supervisor wasn't at work today so I could take it chill - did it a bit of work, read a bunch about gaming addiction, signed up for coaching, replied to people I've been ignoring, bunch of miscellaneous stuff like that. I also might have found a bug that has been holding back my project. 

    I'm leaving my laptop at the office, as this was the single most impactful trick that worked in the past. Also setting up a stickk bet for tomorrow to get up in the morning. On top of that, I'm actively looking for coaching to keep me accountable or have some emergency solution. I'd also like to find a support group. Or make one. Again with the ideas...

    Cravings are really really strong. I was thinking multiple times that I could just go home, get a new account and play today. Let's see if I can resist it tomorrow. 

    1 hour ago, Catherine17 said:

    Hey, Tom! It is nice to see you again and it is good to know that you want to try once more. There is hope, trust me. Sometimes we all make mistakes but our strength is that we can correct them. There is only one incorrigible mistake and it is not  a relapse. Don't be so hard on yourself!

    Thanks, I'm glad to be back. 

    On 5/4/2019 at 5:53 PM, BooksandTrees said:

    make sure you're living for yourself each day and not living to just meet that goal of thesis completion and quitting the bad habits.

    Unfortunately, that is all that I'm doing right now. It's been like that for a while and I hate it with every fiber of my being. I want to finish and then be free, do something else, do something that I genuinely enjoy. But because I'm struggling so hard with gaming and depression, the degree is getting longer and longer each week that I fail.  

  12. AGAIN | Day 0

    It's been 23 days since my last relapse and the last 10 days have been the most solitary and empty days of my life. I hate myself, I hate what I've become, I hate being in my head, I hate the looks people give me for failing over and over again, I hate giving empty promises and I hate my life. I've gone from ambitious, happy and wonderous person to - I don't even know what. Literally laying in my room on a computer, never going outside, getting fat and accumulating trash around me. In the past two or so months, I've played 200 hours of overwatch, not accounting for at least 50 more hours of watching overwatch videos. My life is a mess, and I'm dying. 

    It's monday morning and after watching today's game of thrones episode(which was epic, by the way!), I've cleaned up my room a bit, changed my battle.net password and e-mail to a self-destructing address and I'm about to head off outside. I don't know what's going to happen and how people will react to me, if they give me another chance - maybe, maybe not. Either way, I still believe there is hope for me for a happy life. Even though I don't see it, I believe it is there. I don't have any practical strategy worked out yet, though I think my bag of tricks is empty at this point. My promises to others as well as to myself hold no value anymore, but even then, I would like to promise to myself to never play again. 

    • Like 3

  13. Tuesday | Focus: 70% | Pomodoros: 12

    Wednesday | Focus: 70% | Pomodoros: 16

    Still gaming, but not much. I'm trying really hard to show up every day for work and progress the thesis. Sleep is pretty messed up but I'm doing what I can. Because of this, I don't have time left for anything else. Let's hope I won't waste this weekend as I did all the other previous weekends.

  14. 1. Being born into a western, middle-class environment.

    2. Friends at home, that won't forget me even if I'm out of the country for years and I can come back any time to a very welcoming environment with deep relationships.

    3. Health. My seasonal allergy every summer reminds me how impactful health is on one's life and I'm grateful that apart from that I don't really have other issues. 

    • Like 1

  15. Focus: 70% | Pomodoros: 18 + social

    For the past week, I've been gaming some days and not gaming some other days, overall it's pretty bad but I think I'm recovering again this week. I got a new laptop and of course I had to take the new GPU for a spin so that was a fantastic bait. I can't promise I won't game tomorrow(or even today), but I'm posting here for consistency. It's not all doom and gloom though. I mean, maybe it should be, since I haven't been to the gym for like 3 weeks, I'm over-eating, over-sleeping, gaming, missing work, not meeting people and generally being a lazy slob, but.. I've been worse too LOL!

    In the end, I did put in the effort today and then watched game of thrones with classmates in the evening. It felt really nice visiting the uni again. I miss the community and hanging out with them more often, since now I only go to my internship. 

    • Like 1

  16. 10 minutes ago, Octsober said:

    You would be surprised how much overhead an online store runs when no one buys from it. 🙂 

    Try me. How much? 😄

    Looks like you know what to do then, good luck! 

    EDIT: Damnit this reminded me of some old ideas I had for some weird-ass games myself and now I can't stop thinking about it haha. 

  17. Some brainstorming on your board game store:

    • Contact local geek stores, look for communities -> organize play-testing sessions, bribe them with free beer or something 
    • Set a concrete goal on finalizing your game
    • Create social media presence
      • instagram, facebook, twitter especially - the content can be just slightly adjusted versions of the same piece to suit the platform
      • Post about your play-testing sessions, pictures, stories, mini-interviews with players, store owners, geek culture, what have you
      • post about other board games, connect with the industry, why not - articles, opinions, pictures, news, whatever
      • find board game enthusiasts/influencers, send them your game for free, perhaps let them affiliate if it's possible for you
      • look for relevant hashtags, engage in the discussions in the comments, make sure when they click on your profile it leads them directly where you want to
    • focus on growing and engaging, not selling
    • think later down the line how to leverage the brand -> bird branded accessories (e.g dice)
    • improve the webpage (a google form?? t.t )
    • Like 2
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