marcopolobus

Day #27 Grateful for: a successful first yoga session with the school club, man I missed it so much these past weeks VGRM report: still watching LoL Vods but not during the middle of the day as much, more like as an evening veg

That's an interesting thought you had about your writing possibly making you feel more sorry for yourself. It probably does temporarily, but then again writing about your successes probably makes you feel great temporarily as well. If I look back on my personal journal entries, I see they're predominantly coming from a negative place. I guess that's when I'm the most inclined to journal, for the catharsis. And I think that's the important thing, the catharsis and the gradual deepening understanding of yourself. Sure my entries may be influenced by my emotions and maybe they're not always the perfect truth, but they do represent a little part of me. I think every one of your journal entries is important, and if you see some sort of victim mentality in the words one day, that's important too, even if it doesn't seem right. It's a little piece you can add to the puzzle that you're putting together. Keep that bigger picture in mind after you write, and see where it fits in.

@WorkInProgress thanks for the reality check, sometimes I really feel alone in this when all my friends are high achieving academics and I'm struggling with this shit. I'm gonna go for a walk with an audiobook now, been listening to Best Served Cold by Joe Abercrombie. @thehondasc00py dude that's a killer list thank you, gonna be my prime anime reference until I get through those

I only feel tempted to download the game again when I am watching some gameplay, like a tournament. Like Workinprogress said though, I did start this journey as video games AND related media, and my success rate with the media had become like 50% now. I guess since I'm not spending as much time thinking about the game as I used to, I don't feel the same sense of urgency to resist the YouTube. I think I'm really bad at connecting to my past and future self and so the strong emotions and commitment I had a few weeks ago doesn't feel as real now. I don't know what to do about that though.. I just live so immediately and hedonistically that my past and future seem irrelevant sometimes

Day #25 Grateful for: skyping my sister and catching up VGRM report: was really tempted to re download league of legends but I thought of how commmitted i was when I started this journey, and I didn't want to let myself down

Day #22 Grateful for: the power of technology helping us to overcome our bad habits VGRM report: no games or gameplay videos today! I have some books out of the library now, as well as a TV show I'm watching to distract me instead of video games. I also downloaded HabitBull to add more data analysis capabilities to my habits

Thanks @thehondasc00py! You must have some good recommendations for anime if you like the same shows, any suggestions?

Day #21 Grateful for: getting every item on my todo list done today, it wasn't a long list but it still means something VGRM report: I'm just not feeling the negative impact of watching video game youtube videos right now, so that's why I keep doing it. Still haven't played any games yet, nor reinstalled LoL so thats the main thing

Day #20 Grateful for: Making sure to write in the journal today, even though I didn't accomplish much else VGRM report: Held off on LoL videos until the evening when I got stoned and watched a quite thrilling tournament match. Thats an X for today, but I think I can resist tomorrow.

Day #19 Grateful for: sending one job application VGRM report: we're back on track with no league gameplay videos today... its such a bizarre aspect of my (dwindling) fixation

Day #17 Grateful for: playing chess with my landlady VGRM report: still watching league tournament games, but haven't played anything. Had a good time smoking weed with my roommate who's from India, super funny guy.

Day #15 Grateful for: having the insane privelege of withdrawing from courses without a fail, like what is this system VGRM report: been watching some League on youtube past few days, just so bored and looking for escapism

Day #11 Grateful for: friends taking time out of their lives and schedules to hang out with me VGRM report: Still no temptations to play or watch video games since Tuesday last week. Replaced my youtube gameplay watching with some TV: I've watched Samurai Champloo (weird but great) and in the middle of One Outs (great but weird), both anime. I did have a dream I was playing League of Legends though... thankfully I didn't wake up with an urge to play.

Day #9 Grateful for: being able to complete an assignment, even if it's not my best work. VGRM report: Still going strong with no video games or related media. I was tempted today as its what I would have usually done to relax after a week of school, but I was really stressed out about my weekend workload and ended up going for a run. This helped me to reduce my craving.

congrats on a month of no video games Is the Nanoleaf Aurora some kind of morning wakeup light? I've though about getting one before...do you find it helps motivate you to get up in the morning?

Day #8 Grateful for: being able to help others overcome challenges I once dealt with (and some I'm still working on). VGRM report: no video games today, too busy! maybe being busy isn't so bad after all, except I'm going to bed at 12:30am and I won't get enough sleep before my 9am class... oh well

Do you like Ready Player One so far? I saw a trailer for the movie based on it and it looked pretty interesting. I've read Ender's Game but I don't know if its similar at all. Good work with your detox so far!

Day #7 Grateful for: a friend who calls me when I say I'm feeling low VGRM report: though the skies were grey today, my video game history for the day was clear. Faltered yesterday but not letting hiccups keep me from breathing deep.

I had already skipped class at that point, so I wasn't thinking rationally. I was basically craving dopamine or something and trying all I could to avoid thinking about my responsibilities. So while tackling my homework and not throwing the rest of my day away would have been the "right" thing to do, I can't shift my mindset that easily and I probably would have been to anxious to work. Instead, I think 20-30 minutes of exercise would have worked. I enjoy exercise enough that I could probably find the motivation to do it even when anxious and craving avoidance, because it is a sort of escapism. The difference between exercise vs video games would be that I would have more energy after exercising and probably feel fresher and clearer headed if I exercised outside. I'm going to buy a jump rope so that I can alternate between that and jogging, especially if the weather is really bad.

Day #6 Grateful for: second chances, and third chances, and fourth and fifth... VGRM report: Watched some LoL gameplay today, just wanted to feel better but it made me feel way way worse. Somehow today was just a disaster in terms of my progress the last 5 days. I had like a mental block stopping me from working toward my goals. I think the bedtime is part of it. I was doing best when it was lights and electronics off by 10:30. So I'll aim for that tonight and approach tomorrow like I wanted to approach today.

Newbie, I guess it depends on what you mean by meditation then, as I usually practice a mind emptying meditation where i just focus on my breath. If your meditation involves intentionally thinking about your problem, then I can see where our different view comes from. Regardless, great points you brought up.

Day #4 Today I am grateful for: Having a wild, old growth forest nearby to escape (the good kind) from the city. VGRM Report: Only able to do 4 hours of work today, instead of the 8 I had hoped. Still positive about it though because I had no trouble not playing video games or watching them on youtube. Just gotta start building up that consistency.

I think its important to find ways to "avoid" stress where there's not a lot that can be done to directly deal with the source of the stress, for example sitting on the operating trolley. I feel like meditating provided that avoidance for you, and also helped make the situation seem less stressful afterwards.

I've been trying the Pomodoro technique for studying/doing homework and knowing you only have to work some smaller amount of time before you get a break helps with not procrastinating.

Day #3 Today I am grateful for: Wi-Fi VGRM Report: Still good but today was a struggle for sure, after seeing the amount of work I need to do to catch up in the next few days... I'm going to aim for a short run tomorrow, destroy my knees for health