dwalk77

Welcome Thomas!

Thanks for sharing Brian, and welcome!

Day 20 Almost to the 3 week mark....there's the saying 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months to break a habit. So that is encouraging. Gaming hasn't been especially tempting. I did spend the weekend at my Mom's, which is where it all started, and which is loaded with old games and systems. I got bored for a bit and there was an urge to dust off one of those oldies, but I did not partake. Overall though, I feel kinda crappy. I made plans with a buddy this weekend to watch the Superbowl at his place, and I bailed on him, basically so I could just be selfish. I've been bingeing on a TV show, which probably isn't all that much better than bingeing on gaming. If you're playing a game for 12 hours in a day or watching episode after episode of a crappy reality show for 12 hours a day -- is one really much better than the other? I've made plans for a happy hour at work on Friday...which, I've had a hard time limiting alcohol, but still, I think it's good for me to go and socialize for a few hours. One thing my counselor suggested is leave some beer in the glass/bottle. Will need to get out of my comfort zone a bit more if I'm going to feel fulfilled. Just switching my time from video games to TV isn't going to help much

Not sure if this helps or not, but just wanted to say I can relate to struggling with Calculus. I think I failed or dropped that class 3 times before I finally passed "Business Calculus", which was easier.

Thanks for sharing Jamescan, I can relate to a lot of what you said. Bingeing is fun at first, but then it really sucks. I was also an athlete in high school but had a real hard time socializing and felt incompetent in that aspect. Glad you're here. If you haven't thought about it already, I think some good first steps to consider are reading through some of the posts here, reading through Cam's Respawn (it's an easy read, but he makes some very important points), and getting rid of your accounts/systems. You can do it man, one day at a time

Awesome, getting rid of the accounts and gaming stuff is a big step man, enjoy it

Day 16 Yesterday was a good day. After work, did 3 things I considered important, even though they may not seem that critical first. I reinforced my bed frame to make it more sturdy, so hoping to get better sleep now, and in the process, cleaned/organized under my bed. I trimmed my beard/shaved...I like the new look, gives me some confidence. And I basically organized my entire room and trashed a bunch of stuff I don't need. I was inspired by a documentary I saw a while back on Minimalism. If you haven't used something in the last 6 months, you should really consider getting rid of it -- I think that's a great guideline. Christmas is a challenge for a minimalist. I was debating on looking for a 2nd job so I can make more progress towards my debts, but after a lot of thought, I've decided not to. I already work full time, and adding a second job would add a lot of stress. In my free time, I'd rather be doing things like reading, meditating, exercising, and connecting to others. And I'm making significant process towards my debt as is. Gaming has not been that tempting. I still know that I need to take additional steps to connect to others. A few chats here and there with my roommates is good, but I know it's not enough to fulfill me.

Day 13 Today was alright. I went into work, but I was bored there. I have a few things I can work on, but I don't feel a whole lot of pressure to do them, and it's easier for me to just sort of zone out and listen to podcasts or surf the internet. Not exactly a productive day. But, not bad, I pushed through it. I overate after work, which I wasn't planning on. Took a nap. I went for a walk, which is one of the good things I've done the last few days. Even though it's cold outside, it's not that cold, and a brisk 15 minute walk really does help me feel better about myself. And I also feel a bit more energy after to do some reading or writing. After, I finished copying over some notes from a book I just read about weight loss: Mini Habits for Weight Loss. I'd highly recommend it for anyone looking to lose weight. There's a ton of useful information in there. Most of it is about diet, the American culture related to diet, and the power of habit. Almost at 2 weeks. Sometimes I feel a small urge to watch Twitch or pull up a Youtube video of a gamer. But I realize how quickly that can go South. There is something holding me back from really embracing a better life. I seem to be stuck on a stripper I met Friday night. She gave me her # and we've texted a little bit. I asked her to lunch the other day, and she declined. I'm having a hard time of letting go, I'm even of thinking going back up to the club to see her, even though she hasn't asked me to. This is something that makes 0 logical sense. It's a total waste of time. Even if I did see her again, if I play the tape forward, I'm not even sure what I'd expect in the long term as far as any sort of relationship. And beyond that, she hasn't shown a whole lot of interest in me to begin with. It smarter to keep myself grounded and make other connections. I've come up with some ultimatums as to how far I'll let myself go down that road, pursuing her, but the whole thing seems on shaky ground right now, and part of me wants to just scrap it all. I know it's not directly related to gaming, but it's a big part of my life right now Forecasting.. Work from home tmrw, need to keep myself occupied throughout the day. Youtube is fine, but be conscious of what I'm watching

Thanks for your thoughts @WorkInProgress. Not to get too off topic on sexuality, but it's really difficult for me to separate porn and masturbation b/c that's how I discovered them, together, about 20 years ago now, and from that point on 99% of the time they've been linked together in my own experience (if I'm watching porn, I'm masturbating or if I'm masturbating, I'm watching porn). I will try to work on that though. The other thing is I do believe masturbation itself is immoral. So it sounds like we have some different views there. But I agree with you, porn is bad/worse. Maybe I should try knocking that out first

Hello Bruno, welcome! Thank you for sharing, it helps me to see other people's stories. Good for you, I'm glad to see you committing to 90 days. See you around

Welcome Taha! I commend you for taking the action of giving your Steam account away, that shows you're motivated. I recently deleted my Steam account and it was very liberating. See you around

Welcome Edward! Looking forward to hearing more

Day 12 So I did game some last night, and some this morning. My friend brought his PS4 to my Mom's house, and we played a few hours. But, as mentioned a few posts ago, it was not the sort of "problem gaming" I've had in the past, so I'm not resetting my day count. It wasn't more than a few hours of a multi-player golf game with my brother and him. I think it's good for me to assess how I feel now. Do I feel an urge to play more? Yes, I enjoyed the game, and part of me wants to play that game more. It was my first time to play it, it was fun, and there's a learning curve, which, only after a few hours of play, I did not master. Is it a craving or an urge - how strong is it? Not very. I could see myself reaching out to my friend in the future to ask about playing it, but at a minimum, not until this weekend. I don't feel much of an urge to buy a PS4 just to play the game. Do I feel an urge to play any other games? Not really. Is there any way I would have treated that situation differently? Not really. I wanted to hang out with them, the game is light, not intensive, it was at night, not a whole lot to do, and it was fun. I don't take issue with my decision to play. This week I've spent a lot of time with other people, outside of work hours, and I give myself credit for that. But, there is an opportunity for me to work on something that is glaring and happened twice within the same week -- over consumption of alcohol. Friday night I did it again. Drinking led to more drinking, and I made a poor decision. After some drinks with some friends at a bar, I went by myself to a strip club. And then I blew a lot of money, a big chunk of my paycheck I just got. So...I've either got to drink less, or not drink at all. Be aware of the drinking. And as to the strip club/porn/sex addiction -- it's time to start working on that very soon. I did drop my laptop off at my Mom's house this weekend, which should help with both the porn and gaming. Forecasting...Work week starts tomorrow. Should be good to keep me occupied, challenged, and provides some social needs, but it can also be stressful and I tend to dread Mondays. Just show up, things tend to fall into place after that. Not trying to think too far beyond that.

Day 10 Survived the birthday yesterday. Sort of a relief to get that over with. I look forward to getting Christmas and my Birthday done with b/c things do tend to settle down a bit after that. Had a nice dinner with my family. I reviewed my finances, came up with a plan and some goals, so that is helpful. Today is payday and should get a hefty tax return by next week, so that offsets the high costs incurred the last 3 weeks with my car. Feel like I've been keeping myself occupied and busy enough to stay away from gaming. As mentioned in last post, this weekend I may be tested with spending some time with my brother and one of our other friends. Grateful to be at 10 days without, I do feel more freed up with me not gaming. With gaming around, it'd be much more difficult to get out and hang around people, which I've done a few times this week, and will also do this weekend. I've seen another member here have a link to a no-fap journal as well as one on here. I think I'll look into that. If I take an honest look at myself, I've been doing good with the gaming, which was a good first step for me to work on, but the more difficult thing is to pull myself away from porn and objectifying women, and I've been doing very poorly in that area. I hope to start phasing that into my recovery over the next week, so I can continue to grow and live a progressively more fulfilling life.

Day 9 It's my birthday today, which I know, a lot of people look forward to, but for me, I honestly don't care for the attention. I feel self-conscious about my age, and it adds a bit of stress and anxiety. But, what am I going to do? I can't run from my birthday (although I might take a PTO day from work next year to avoid the office). Certain people, like my family, will never forget it and will always give me that attention, which in reality is about them showing love for me, even if I didn't really "accomplish" anything by being born. So, I'll just have to roll with it, smile, take it in. The plus side to it is I'm getting some Chinese food tonight and get to spend some time with family. This will make twice this week that I'm getting outside my house to be with other people. I'll give myself a pat on the back for that Forecasting..my brother is in town, and we might hang out with another buddy over the weekend. Now, the 3 of us have spent loads and loads of time on video games, both alone and with each other. It would not surprise me if they would want to spend some time gaming. If that does happen, I think it's important for me to be aware of a few things: As I just said, be aware. Be aware of if the games are there, what kind of games are around, if I'm feeling tired, etc. Be aware of the surroundings instead of just diving right into gaming. If I do decide to game, how do I feel afterwards, the next day? Do I want to game some more, by myself? That's a warning sign. I'll make better decisions if I'm aware. I don't have to play, it's my choice. I can watch, I can suggest doing something else, or I can think about doing something else my self. I don't think it's "wrong" for me to play certain multiplayer games. It's not really a question of morality of the content in most of the games I played, but rather if it was having a negative impact on me. And by negative impact, I mean I could not pull myself away, avoided responsibilities, and avoided opportunities to live a more fulfilling life. In other words...playing Smash Brothers or Mario Golf for a few hours over the weekend with friends or family? Not a big deal. Indulging in Skyrim for 15 hours a day, missing work, effecting my sleep, effecting my diet (energy drinks, junk food) -- it IS a big deal. I'm going to check in at the end of this weekend to keep myself accountable. Also, I am going to bring my laptop to my Mom's this weekend so I won't have access to it at my house -- again, writing this to keep myself accountable. If any of you guys want to weigh in on allowing yourself to play simple, multi-player games with friends/family, I'd like to hear your thoughts on that. When you go for a de-tox from gaming, does this include this sort of scenario, or do you make an exception for it?

Nice man. Not playing that first day is tough, you did it. Reading Re-spawn is only going to help

Welcome Michael! Thanks for sharing. Unemployed, broke, no gf, no friends -- I know what you mean man, I've been there. But you made a good move of coming here, so give yourself credit for that. You're not alone brother Look forward to hearing more from you.

Day 8 Got my car back yesterday, so that's a relief. I'm still somewhat paranoid about it not being quite right. I've got conflicting information from 2 different shops, one says it's fine, one recommends another repair. I think I'll just ride it out as it is and keep tabs on it. Getting car back was probably most stressful part of the week, so it's a relief to have it again. And it ended up being cheap yesterday. Feeling tension about work and just life. Feel like there's a lot to keep up with right now. Gaming and porn were excellent ways for me to escape from that stress and tension, but it's time to work on some alternatives to that. Have a counseling session in a bit, should be good in helping me sort things out.

Day 7 Working from home today, so far so good as to not indulging in Twitch, which I've done many a time while working from home. Finished reading Re-spawn. Great stuff Cam. I plan to browse through it again and make some notes about what stood out to me, so as not to forget them and be able to look back at them. I really think it's important that I start scheduling more things and following through with those commitments. I'm feeling some tension, frustration, and fear about my car, wanted to check that in. I called them 3 days ago to make an appointment for this morning, but it's noon now and they still haven't looked at it (just called them). What's the point of making an appointment if you're not actually going to honor it and look at the car when I bring it in? I also feel I'm a pushover when talking to them about this sort of stuff and can be too nice or not say what I mean. And I've already spent $1,000 on my car this month so I fear this will be a lot more. If it's not ready today, that complicates things more, and I'll probably have to Uber to work. At this point, just have to be patient, do what I can, and learn what I can. I may not take it to this shop in the future. And continue to be persistent and follow up with them. Ask questions if I'm not sure or don't know. Take my time when I talk instead of rushing through conversations. Wanted to vent that. Probably the most stressful part of my week, getting this car repair over with. Work is a bit stressful too, lots of requests from management. Just trying to break it into one hour at a time, do what I can, instead of feeling overwhelmed or discouraged. Be grateful for the job, instead of living in fear about it.

Probably not everybody's cup of tea, but The Ben Shapiro Show. I think the guy is brilliant. I also like the format of Joe Rogan's show, if he has a good guest on (like Ben Shapiro)

I've felt sort of torn about social media for quite some time, particularly Facebook. I had Facebook until a few years ago, and I deleted it, b/c I found it distracting and I used it as a substitute for real communication. And, to be honest, I tended to linger on profiles and pictures of attractive women, and that didn't help me much either. So on one hand, deleting that account was very liberating, and I like not being attached to it anymore. But, I still feel tension, especially when now I'm trying to connect with other people or groups that use Facebook. I do believe friendships and communities can be built around it. So, that's my dilemma. Maybe I was being too hard on myself when I deleted it, and it could help facilitate some more connections for me. Or...maybe it was the right move, and if I really want to get to know and connect with someone, I can have real conversation with them and ask for their cell #. What do you guys think? Do you use social media? Has it been an overall positive or negative effect for you?

Day 6 Started the work week today. Car is at the shop now. I have a little more peace in that it's where it should be now. Hopefully they'll give me a status and it will be repaired tomorrow, and it won't be too expensive. Feeling tired, hopefully I get to sleep at a better hour tonight. Forecasting a bit, tomorrow I work from home, and that is a trigger for me to game and/or watch Twitch. Need to keep myself busy in other ways. Podcasts or news would be better.

I deleted my Steam account on Friday, and I thought that was worth celebrating and posting in this forum section. I had over 1,000 hours into it. I don't have a console, so my PC was my main avenue of gaming. So, I've now made it much more difficult for me to game. On day 5 of detoxing from gaming and Twitch. Plan to post here again when I've achieved 90 days free.

You're welcome Beartic, so glad to hear that about ditching Steam! I know it's not easy, but it's a great move

Glad you're here, thanks for sharing and posting on my journal. Good luck on your journey brother