dwalk77

Day 55 Stayed up late last night watching Youtube...which wasn't Twitch or gaming, but it had a similar effect. Me having my eyes glued to a screen for 3 hours, frantically clicking on next video after next video. Next thing I know it's 2 a.m. and I've deprived myself of sleep for the beginning of the work week. I also reached out to my ex-gf today. It's a long story, but I've told her multiple times I wouldn't do that anymore. In fact, she may have blocked me this time. I don't think I will truly heal from that unless I start making new connections and make myself vulnerable in new ways. I feel like I've been living in my own mind a lot lately, and that's not a good thing. I'm lacking connection. I have a few opportunities this week, I should go for it

@No-Face, thanks for the update, and glad you're committing to a detox from Twitch! Yeah, I've also watched Peterson with Rogan and Rubin...I think he has some amazing insights. I have heard of that program you're referring to, but I have not checked it out yet. Let me know if you do!

Welcome @No-Face! Thanks for sharing. I'm curious what you'll think about the Jordan Peterson book, I have his Maps of Meaning book on my reading list. I've watched a lot of Twitch, and lots of Youtube playthroughs as well. My situation might be different than yours, though, b/c I would say Twitch did get in the way of important tasks, and it did lead to me gaming. But even if it doesn't, I think it's worth asking yourself - are you putting yourself at risk to it getting to that point? And if there is a risk, how much is it? All that being said...I still think giving up Twitch for a period is a good idea. In my opinion, watching Twitch is lazy, more lazy than most other activities, even watching TV. If you're wanting to watch entertainment for comedic value, I think you're better off watching a comedy film or reading a humorous book than watching Twitch. I can only give my personal opinion here, but I think if you commit to not watching Twitch for a few months, I would be surprised if you didn't see some tangible benefits. I'm going on about 2 months without it, and I certainly feel better without it.

Welcome @AtTheBrink! I think that's great self-awareness, especially at your age, that you realize that your amount of gaming has increased, and they are becoming less fun. It sounds like you're a bit on the fence about whether or not you should fully commit to giving up gaming for a period of time. Just my personal opinion, but I think you should do what many of use here try for -- fully commit to 90 days of "detox". This will give you some time for your brain to detox and develop some new hobbies/connections/habits. After you've completed 90 days, you can re-evaluate, and if you don't feel there's much risk or negative effects to your gaming, go for it

Welcome @Kreedo! I can totally relate to uninstalling, then reinstalling games several times. I felt like a mad man. When I first came on here, I read through Re-Spawn, and it explains how to delete your Steam permanently. I will say I felt a load off my shoulders when I did that, which was about 2 months ago. As Cam said, quitting games alone isn't going to solve your problems, but I do think that creating solid barriers to the games is a great idea, especially at the beginning when you're very motivated. There's a few times when I was more tempted than usual to game, and knowing that I'd have to make the effort of creating a new Steam account to get those games was not an insignificant deterrent.

Hi Alex, and welcome! Thanks for sharing. I can certainly relate to the bingeing and purging cycle. Being a part of this community has certainly helped me be more aware of how the gaming has affected my life in negative ways...I hope it helps you too!

Day 52 Overall feeling good about the whole not gaming thing. My roommate was out of the country for the month, and he came back yesterday. That is a huge deterrent to gaming. He is very extroverted and talkative, and him just being around makes me want to game less, b/c when I game I like it to be very quiet and know that I won't be bothered. Not only is him being back a good obstacle to gaming, but it's an easy way for me to connect, which is usually one of my primary issues. On the flip side, it does create a little more tension/stress, but I will still have some times of quiet, and if need be, I can create my own by going to church or the library. Overall it is definitely a positive effect. I was feeling a little frustrated this morning. My Dad's health is still creating tension within our family for multiple reasons. I'm tired of feeling fat and having skinny arms...I know it's undesirable for women...and I just can "feel" it. My finances feel like a never-ending burden. There is progress being made, but it's not as quick as I'd like, and the origin of the debt, which is poor choices by me, is another frustrating factor in it. But...just need to slow down, take each moment as it is. 3 things I'm grateful for: Weather is starting to warm up and the sun is staying out for longer, which I love. I've been working my way through a classic narrative lately, Pride and Prejudice, and I'm really enjoying it Today is Friday - which means, I got paid today, part of which got to go towards some debt. I get to sleep in a few extra hours tomorrow. And I have some more time to work on my self My roommate came back in yesterday, who I'm very close to. Feels good to have a close friend around again. Well, there's 4 anyways. I'm 8 days away from 60...I believe I can do it. Feels pretty good, 2 months away from gaming. Feel like I've come a long ways since then, but still have a long ways to go too

Welcome @Bugg! I would definitely recommend Respawn, it's a great way to start your detox

Day 48 Feeling more of a twitch to play than I have in a while. A few things specifically stand out. I went to a website yesterday, and they were actually live-streaming a Twitch feed, which totally caught me off guard. Fortunately I did not click on it, b/c if I did, I could have easily made a few more clicks and spent hours watching it....which is exactly what they want. And, just having a few thoughts of the last game I binged on, how fun it was. Deleting Steam has definitely created a road block to that. Last week I spent a lot of time staying with my Dad, helping him out, but now I've got loads of free time again. Have this feeling that I should want to do more, but I don't. It's getting old, just watching lots of TV. I have counseling tomorrow, I think that may help me sort some things out.

Day 47 Yup, as of today, I am over half-way to my goal of 90 days without Twitch or gaming. There have definitely been some itches here and there. This last week I've been staying with my Dad, who lives alone and has had some struggles with his health. It did feel good to help him out a bit and be unselfish. But there's also been some stress..I was seriously concerned if he's going to make it through this or not, or how long he'll be in this funk. Fortunately, the last few days I do believe he is improving. After getting back to my own house though, I started to rationalize that I deserved to reward myself, and I've sort of lost some good habits that I had developed previously. I was tempted to pull up some Youtube videos of an old game I used to like, but I didn't. If I did, that could have easily led to me spending lots of time watching more games, and even playing them. Tomorrow starts the work week, I need to step things up and do things, get out of my shell a bit.

Welcome Gavin, thanks for sharing. Willingness to change is really important, stick with it!

Hi Dave, and welcome! I can also relate to what you're saying about Sims. That seemed to be more of a creative experience and less destructive to my lifestyle than some of the other games I've been hooked on. I commend you on uninstalling your Steam account. Not sure if you've thought about it, but I actually deleted mine permanently, which was quite a liberating feeling. I found that in the past after uninstalling it, I could still go back months later and reinstall it.

Welcome Bing! I admire your commitment to stop playing and improve your social skills -- gaming can certainly be a hindrance to that. Look forward to hearing more

Day 36 I did get my car repaired yesterday, which is a huge relief. And it was cheaper than I expected I have some piece of mind about that, and hopefully for a long time. I set a reminder on my phone to check in a few weeks for any oil leaking. If it checks out okay then, I'll feel solid about it. Unfortunately, however, yesterday was a terrible day in regards to my other addiction, and that more than offset the good news of the car. I dove in head first into that, and the effects have carried forward into today. I texted into work today due to drinking too much last night and staying out too late. The combination of being hungover, worrying about my Dad's health, blowing this other addiction, and texting into work without notice all made for a pretty crappy feeling today. As the day went on, though, I showed some resiliency. I wrote my thoughts out in a personal journal...like everything. Did some meditation, some light exercise, some reading, and eventually connected with my Mom over dinner. I will feel better once I get a few days of work back under my belt and reestablish some trust with my co-workers and boss. @Cam Adair - I'm very thankful for this site today. This is exactly the type of day that in the past I would have sought out some video games or indulged in watching some streamers...and would barely think twice of it. When in reality, that would take me to a much darker and isolated place. Coming here, to this community, helps me be mindful of how that is crossing a line, and helps me remember why I quit that. Forecasting.. #1 priority is to show up to work and work. I'll feel better with that, I know I will #2 priority - call my sponsor, go to a meeting, and go to confession. I can knock out all 3 of those on Saturday.

Day 33 As far as gaming temptation goes...man, it is way down. It's a good thing. It's also something to be aware of...pride. The thought that I'll just not ever have to worry about this again could get me in trouble. I like reading others' stories and journals here b/c it helps me remember where I was, and why I quit. The fact is I could give this up for a year, 2 years, 10 years....have a crappy day, a couple crappy days, a crappy week - and boom! I pick up a copy of some game and I'm totally lost in it again. That's why I think this community is so important. Even though gaming temptation has been down, this weekend was kind of blah. I'm again dealing with some car issues, and until I get it repaired, which is on Tuesday, I feel a bit stranded. I've had some connection with one of my roommates, and I'm grateful for that, but huge chunks of this weekend were spent alone. With gaming feeling better, I've been able to focus more on a different, more powerful addiction, sex. I've been doing much better with that, but withdrawals really kicked up this weekend. As with gaming, I think it's important for me to remember why I want to quit and where I've been. Looking forward to getting my car repaired on Tuesday, that's the big thing on my mind right now. After that, though, I really do need to work on more connections, and doing things outside of my comfort zone like hitting up the gym.

Today makes 30 days free from gaming and watching any streams! One third of the way to the 90 day goal. It took some time, but after I gave this up for a while, I began cutting away at some other issues I have as well. My life has felt so much better the last few weeks, but still so much more work to do. Looking forward to taking more steps and exploring opportunities. One day at a time.

Welcome Steve, thanks for sharing! Yes, I agree about meditation and being aware of your breathing...it's something I only found recently and need to do more often

Welcome Tom, and thanks for sharing. It sounds like you're in a similar boat to me...I'm 33, have a decent job, but not crazy about it, and no girl. I've squandered a lot of time and opportunities since graduating college..but..I believe there's something more for us. Take care, hope to hear back soon

Welcome Ismael, thanks for sharing.

Welcome Yann! Thanks for sharing. Wow, 50 days is awesome man. Cam recommends having a grateful journal, and that's something I try to daily, is hand-write at least 3 things I'm grateful for every day. It can really help you put a positive light on things. Other than that, I think it's about making connections and being unafraid to be uncomfortable. Not saying I don't struggle with that myself, but I believe it in it though. See you around, look forward to hearing more

Day 27 I got to talk to my sponsor today from a support group I attend, and that was a relief. It'd been about a month and a half. It felt good to reconnect with him. He's helped me through a lot of stuff. I plan to call him daily. On Friday, I felt a spur of motivation hit me very hard. I wanted to do things, branch out, connect with other people, be in uncomfortable situations...things like Toastmasters, a church group, volunteering. But as the weekend continued, that emotion has waned a bit. I was planning to go to a group tonight, but I did not go. I don't think I wanted to push myself or be uncomfortable. I think it's important to remember that the actions are much, much more important than the feelings. If I take some of these actions that make me uncomfortable, I will feel better after. Maybe not always instantly or obviously, but in the long run, I will feel better. Sometimes I need to break it down or simplify or prioritize. But I need to be honest with myself. If I'm not going to go to this event, what am I going to do to better myself? It's all about connection, this is what's been so lacking in my life, this is what I avoid. Sure, I can stay here and "get things done", I can clean or organize some thoughts on paper or read or watch some entertaining videos -- but it's lacking that connection factor which is so very important. I was just thinking about something else, too. Some of you may relate to this. I download torrents a lot, and stream on certain websites. It's free entertainment, it's easy. But I started to take qualms with it tonight. Someone else is working to create this content. There's actors, producers, directors, writers, etc., etc., etc.....I don't care if millions of people are watching a show and they're all making bookoos of money, I'm still undercutting their work by viewing the media in this way. I don't feel right about it. There are some laws that are stupid, but this makes sense. This entertainment isn't here for me to just grab and view as I please. So going forward, I think I will make an effort to stay away from torrents and those shady streaming sites. If I want to watch a certain movie, I can get a Netflix subscription or go to the local rental store. And Youtube/podcasts are a legitimately free alternative. Forecasting... Tomorrow is work from home day, always need to be aware of being alone, being in front of the computer for an extended time. Keep myself busy. Have counseling tomorrow, first session with new counselor. Most important thing is to show up. Looking forward to starting anew. A little nervous as to how good he's going to be, but won't know until I try

Hey @zachscott, I can relate to what you're saying about questioning if a certain scenario of gaming is good or not. Recently I played a simple golf game with my brother and friend for a few hours over the weekend. As you mentioned, it's dead of winter, and for me, I didn't see an easy way for me to lose myself in the game considering I don't even own a console in my own house and I rarely see my brother and friend. I guess it's about being self-aware. Is the game taking away from responsibilities or opportunities to connect with others and grow as a person? B/c we're all here for a reason. I think the important thing is to be honest with yourself, b/c if you're not, you'll find a way to rationalize doing something that really isn't that good for you. That's my opinion.

Day 23 Things have turned around since my last post. Well, first it got crappy. I missed work on Wednesday b/c I was tired from bingeing on TV the night before. 4 days in a row of not getting enough sleep finally caught up to me. I felt bad about missing work, I have a reputation for randomly taking days off every now and then without notice. On one hand, it is my PTO time, and I don't see anything wrong with an occasional day off, a break. On the other hand, I've done it too often, and I'd rather use that PTO timed for something planned and/or fun. But that day was also the day things turned around. I decided to get out of my house and run an errand - which turned out to be 2 errands, then knocked another thing off my to-do list. I ended up getting some momentum and it turned out to be quite a productive day. There was a silence at my house, and I embraced it, rather than zoning out to TV. I did some reading, some thinking, some journaling. Today I called my sponsor (for another addiction), that was a big step for me. I didn't get in touch, but left a message. I also sent a few e-mails about a potential personal trainer. I'm really sick of being overweight and sitting around. I want to be in "high school shape". My roommate has been to the gym 3 times this week, and that's sort of inspired me, b/c before that, he was mostly a couch potato as well. I feel nervous, anxiety about going to the gym and looking like an idiot or my patience being tested if I have to wait around. But it just hasn't worked, me doing it on my own. I'm afraid of failing, flaking out like I've done with so many other things, but isn't it so much worse to never try?

Day 21 Well, I finished bingeing on a few seasons of a TV show. It was a really crappy reality show, but I still got sucked in. It affected my sleep, and this morning, instead of getting out of bed for work when my alarm went off, I texted in sick. It's not a huge deal, I have my PTO time, missing one day here and there is not bad, but my attendance history at work has been poor, and that makes it worse. There's been several days like this, where I just don't feel like coming in, so I don't. It'd be much better to use these days as planned days and actually get stuff done or do something fun. I made a list of things I can do today, such as going to the grocery store or watching a film, but I'm having a hard time wanting to do them. It's such a weird thing...it's impossible as a human being to actually do "nothing", but that's what I want to do. I might try reading, that sounds like an easy one, and something that's motivated me in the past. I do feel good about not gaming for 3 weeks, and I think that's important. But obviously I'm going to have to push myself beyond just not gaming.

Amen to that brother. So much of my life I've lived in my "comfort zone", and it's not helped me grow at all. I read a few of your posts - man, I really commend you for trying to meet new people every day, that takes some courage.