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DaBest

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  1. Day 284 No VG - 284 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 11 days, SOB - 11 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 4 days, NSOC - 10 days, Meditation - 1 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. Today was weird. Came in and had to do a very last minute preventative maintenance for someone, which took more than half my day. Kinda killed my plans and productivity from recently, but it had to be done. I was a little grouchy today because of that and the lack of sleep. Internet usage today was better, but still not ideal. Didn't go on before I left the house. Checked some news at work (stupidly). Was more on track when I got home. Meditated last night and will do some more shortly before going to bed.
  2. Day 283 No VG - 283 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 10 days, SOB - 10 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 3 days, NSOC - 9 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. I stayed up very late last night for no reason. Kinda did similar tonight too. Got to work late. Not ideal. I'm gonna turn my computer off now.
  3. Day 282 No VG - 282 days, no sports news - 3 days, NF - 9 days, SOB - 9 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 2 days, NSOC - 8 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 2 weeks. @Erik2.0, caveat emptor. It really depends on WHAT is causing your back pain. If it's weak hamstrings and glutes, they will help. If your hamstrings and glutes are already strong then it won't help you much. If your back pain is caused because your hamstrings are too tight, then these may actually worsen things. For me, mine are both weak and short. So RDLs in the short term can really mess with my back if I don't address the DOMS afterwards, but generally as things have gotten stronger (in between workouts) I feel better. Also, I am obviously not a doctor or a physical therapist. So take everything I'm saying with a grain of salt. --- Enough's enough with checking the news in the morning. Started picking up this bad habit recently. I'm cutting that out tomorrow. Stayed up late last night. Got up late today. Didn't get all that much done because of it. Went to improv practice. The new coach is really helping out our team a bunch. Got groceries and watched the Super Bowl after. Called home. Kept it chill tonight. Back to work tomorrow.
  4. This is interesting. I'm reading a book right now called Ultralearning by Scott Young. He actually did something really similar. He wanted to draw better portraits, so he did a month of intense practice and would rapidly sketch faces and compare to see where the mistakes were. I think there's a video on YouTube of it, and it's really amazing how much he improved. Check it out if you have some time, it's pretty neat.
  5. Day 281 No VG - 281 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 8 days, SOB - 8 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 1 days, NSOC - 7 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. @Erik2.0, the first thing is diagnosing it. Back pain can be caused by a lot of stuff. For me its a mix of having tight hip flexors, especially my psoas, having a slightly narrowed disk in my lumbar spine, and having hellishly tight hamstrings, all thanks to sitting. Check out the YouTube channel for Upright Health, and Becoming a Supple Leopard by Kelly Starrett. That's a great place to start. For me, I do a ton of stretching, massage, and squats and RDL's tend to help long-term, after my muscles loosen up again. --- Turnaround day. Full night's sleep. Cleaned up some more, but went straight on my computer for "research." I shouldn't have done this and broke my no internet Saturday promise, like I am now. Nonetheless, after this bit, and a slight bit before salsa dancing (I WENT), I was pretty diligent with this today. The end results of that were: 1) I felt really tired, despite all the sleep. Chalked it up to depression. Took some mini-naps. 2) I had my radio on almost all day. 3) I had more time to focus on the post-it tasks. 4) I went to the gym for the first time in three weeks. Went for a very light upper body workout to see how messed up my right hand is. Turns out it still is, and I'm hoping starting up again with light weights will break up whatever scar tissue or damage that may have occurred when I hurt it. The pain seemingly died down with some time. 5) I read a book. Woo. As far as Saturdays go, this went much better than some ones I have been having recently. Could've gotten more done and could've stayed off the internet completely, but this was much better than usual. Next week, I'll try to stay off it more. The nerves were down a bunch this week compared to last. I also went to salsa dancing tonight and went way beyond my expectations. I showed up late, but was still on time since it started late anyway. Nerves going into it were MUCH lower tonight, probably because I wasn't on my computer as much and I got out of the house beforehand. The gym endorphins probably helped too. I did reasonably well during the class, and probably followed along the best I have to date. The kicker to this whole scenario was that I promised my therapist I'd stay an hour for free dancing after. I didn't...I stayed for thirty minutes...but I asked FOUR women for dances, which blows my old record out of the water (same for time as well). I also got FOUR dances. Funny how that works. One of the big things I noticed from other people was their own social anxiety or personality and not taking that as a reflection on me. It was kind of eye opening to pay attention to that. Not sure what got me thinking about that, but it was on my mind on the drive in, to an extent. It's an important reframe which took a lot of pressure off me. Today was better. I am posting today because I'm just really happy right now that I did the scary thing, and I just want to have this memory here for myself for later.
  6. Day 280 No VG - 280 days, no sports news - 1 days, NF - 7 days, SOB - 7 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 5 day, NLAF - 0 days, NSOC - 6 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. @BooksandTrees, I do a ton of self massage and stretching for mobility. I wanted to go into the city but got derailed a bit today. I'm going tomorrow and I'll likely hit up a restaurant that interests me. Work life is doing better, maybe in part to improved confidence. @Erik2.0, I agree! Back problems, mostly from sitting too much. It's gotten better the past few weeks, and hopefully my last session will be in two weeks. --- Weird day. Had a terrible night's sleep last night. MULTIPLE instances of sleep paralysis and nightmares, floating sensations, the whole shebang. Finally read up on the thing since it's happening a lot more often now. It's probably in part because a) I started sleeping on my back more, which correlates with instances of sleep paralysis and b) I had ONE FREAKING BEER at the networking thing yesterday, and alcohol disrupts my sleep, which in turn messes with REM sleep. Last time this happened was the last time I had a beer, too. I hardly drink, and this would be an awesome excuse to not drink. "Hey why aren't you drinking?" "Oh, it just causes freaky nightmares where I feel pure evil and I wake up and can't move, and often start hallucinating." "Oh." I did a bad job of following my post-it today. I did a bunch of stuff around the house, and did things related to my key items, but I ended up avoiding all of the major stuff today. Some of that was in part to getting a late start to today, and having my plan from yesterday blown up quite early. Nonetheless, better than many of the zero days I was having on my weekends. For example, instead of social skills (re: actually reading/practicing/salsa dancing), I ended up listening to a podcast on childhood trauma and addiction with Tim Ferriss and Dr. Gabor Mate. This was actually a great podcast and I highly recommend anyone to listen to it. A lot of it was in sync with what I read in Unhooked recently. I'm going to try and focus on this some more with my therapist, as some recent conversations I had about my father felt particularly unburdening. Oh, and my house is a lot cleaner today, so that's good too. I closed a lot of "open-loops" that I hadn't taken care of for months if not years. Anxiety is dumb. Last big portion of the day, was going to salsa dancing. Not actually salsa dancing, just driving to the parking lot. WTF? First factor was that I was running late, but ironically this is better than last week where when I was running late, I didn't attempt to go. I could've jumped in halfway through the classes, but to be honest, I really just was hating myself so much in that moment. I felt worthless and incompetent, and I felt stressed that I promised myself I would stay after for free dancing, the lack of structure which scares me. Also, in free dancing, if I suck, my brain equates that with I suck completely at life and am worthless. Not rational, I know. If anything, I wasn't expecting those feelings to be so strong when I drove up. Getting through the class portion is way easier. So what am I going to do better tomorrow? 1) Get up earlier. 2) No Internet. 3) Get OUT earlier. It's hard to go from zero-to-sixty socially after staying home all day. 4) Follow the anxiety on the post-it. 5) Go salsa dancing, and be prepared for all the emotions that will come with it.
  7. Day 279 No VG - 279 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 6 days, SOB - 6 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 4 day, NLAF - 5 days, NSOC - 5 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. First day of a four-day weekend went okay. Post-it helped. Took care of some anxiety-tasks early and felt accomplished. Then I binged a bit on the internet because I was bored. Then I used the post-it to get back on track. Interestingly, I felt very tired after getting off the internet even though I got a full night's sleep last night. Maybe it's because I'm getting so stimulated sitting in front of a screen. I don't know. Hit physical therapy and a networking event after. Actually stayed for the whole three hours of the event and enjoyed myself. Felt a little stifled at times, but I was okay. Still, I feel like I could do a better job connecting with people and having more fun. More to work on. Tomorrow gets another post-it. Woo.
  8. Day 278 No VG - 278 days, no sports news - 9 days, NF - 5 days, SOB - 5 days, NNO59 - 4 days, NIA1030 - 3 day, NLAF - 4 days, NSOC - 4 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. Work went well enough today. I got enough done to feel okay with taking the next two days off. Wait...what? Yeah, that's right, I'm actually taking time off solely for me for the first time in a year and a half. This is not for doctor's appointments or because I need to visit family. Nope, just me. I'll have to be vigilant the next few days with regards to my internet usage. Post-it notes will be done each and every day. I've just earned some well earned sleep. Good night.
  9. Day 277 No VG - 277 days, no sports news - 8 days, NF - 3 days, SOB - 3 days, NNO59 - 3 days, NIA1030 - 2 day, NLAF - 3 days, NSOC - 3 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. @Ikar, yeah, it's surprisingly effective at cutting through anxiety and actually just being a more effective person. I also find it becomes easier to handle difficult stuff earlier in the day when I'm fresh. I hope it works for you, too. --- Work up and down. Got distracted a lot by other people. I'm close to the point where I can start hiding in my inner sanctum that I moved to where I can do focused work. Right now I've just had a ton of physical papers to handle, which is far easier to do at my desk. Also, found less of a need for an internet fix tonight. That's nice. Habits are starting to come back into place.
  10. Day 276 No VG - 276 days, no sports news - 7 days, NF - 2 days, SOB - 2 days, NNO59 - 2 days, NIA1030 - 1 day, NLAF - 2 days, NSOC - 2 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 0 week, Post-It Weekends - 1 week. @Erik2.0, yeah man, books are good. It's interesting how I read more when I spend less time on the internet. @BooksandTrees, it's not so much needing to find new hobbies--I have them--it's just the anxiety from not having my crutch. Keeping busy. being with others, and getting outside of my apartment are the best things for me on the weekends. @Amphibian220, haha, the beginning of all my posts are jibberish. Here's a breakdown for those who are curious: No VG - no video games No sports news - not sure why this isn't abbreviated, lol NF - No Fap SOB - Straight Outta Bed (which can be an SOB). Goal here is up after one alarm. In the past I would spend up to an hour in bed with multiple alarms. Dumb. NNO59 - No News Outside of 5 to 9. Regulating internet consumption, especially at work. NIA1030 - No Internet after 1030. Game Quitters, and phone music/podcasts excepted. NLAF - No Laptop and Food. Eating while internetting is a bad combo for me. Sets me in a loop of YouTube, food, Youtube, etc. NSOC - No Sleeping on Couch. Bad sleep hygiene, and leaves visible drool stains. Meditation - straightforward. No Internet Saturdays (soon to be NIS) - self-explanatory. Work and social event directions excepted. Post-It Weekends (soon to be PIW) - writing a post-it note of what I feel most anxious about each weekend morning, and attacking that first thing to start my day. Provides a nice sense of accomplishment, responsibility, and calms my anxiety to a more manageable level. --- And I still have to write a post. Weekend was up-and-down. Friday was bad. Porn. Dumb. Saturday started well. The post-it thing actually got my day started well. Hit the library and paid my rent, and I started prepping for salsa dancing early. Was very tired from the night before. Napped while I did laundry. Did not go salsa dancing due to irrational thoughts about how I was dressing. Talked about that ad nauseam with my therapist today. I automatically assume a lot of what other people will think and I have an intense desire to be liked by everyone/not hated. Went on an internet binge to cap the night. Sunday went better. Got to a full improv practice for the first time in forever and I really enjoyed the practice. My team has a new coach who I've worked with before, and am very happy to have them around. The best show I was ever a part of was from one of her classes, and a lot of the people from that class are now a part of our team. We're all pretty stoked. Ran some errands after. Was on internet late, but not a repeat of Friday. Today was a good day of work. Holy shit, I said it. Truth. Pretty calm. Got a lot done, even with some messing around. The post-it thing works wonders for my productivity and anxiety. God bless Tim Ferriss. Had aforementioned therapy after. Got home and did some chores. Place is a bit of a mess and I'm going to have to chip away at it. This weekend, which may start early this week if I take a few days off, the big thing to change will be getting the sleep schedule corrected. That was a big contributing factor to this weekend. Also, not removing sites from my block list. I didn't even notice right away. Speaking of sleep, goodnight.
  11. Day 273 No VG - 273 days, no sports news - 4 days, NF - 0 days, SOB - 4 days, NNO59 - 4 days, NIA1030 - 4 days, NLAF - 4 days, NSOC - 1 day, Meditation - 0 day, No Internet Saturdays - 1 week, Post-It Saturdays (NA). Worried about not having internet tomorrow. I don't have to go to work. I went on a little bit of a binge just now to get my fix in. I'm gonna write my Post-it in the morning and make plans to fill the void.
  12. Day 272 No VG - 272 days, no sports news - 3 days, NF - 4 day, SOB - 3 days, NNO59 - 3 days, NIA1030 - 3 days, NLAF - 3 days, NSOC - 0 days, Meditation - 0 day, No Internet Saturdays - 1 week, Post-It Saturdays (NA). Fell asleep pretty quick after I turned off my computer. Work work work. Looking for a internet fix. I'm going to turn this off after this. Kinda tired and not wordy today.
  13. Day 271 No VG - 271 days, no sports news - 2 days, NF - 3 day, SOB - 2 days, NNO59 - 2 days, NIA1030 - 2 days, NLAF - 2 days, NSOC - 1 days, Meditation - 1 day, No Internet Saturdays - 1 week, Post-It Saturdays (NA). Not much to talk about today. At work for twelve hours and I'm done with my last bit of hands-on testing. Tired.
  14. Day 270 No VG - 270 days, no sports news - 1 days, NF - 2 day, SOB - 1 days, NNO59 - 1 days, NIA1030 - 1 days, NLAF - 1 days, NSOC - 0 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 1 week, Post-It Saturdays (NA). @Erik2.0 and @BooksandTrees, I hear you both. I already told my boss I'm taking off on the thirtieth and probably thirty first if I have nothing important to do at work on those days. Until then, it's crunch time. --- Work. Got a bunch of important stuff done today. Felt effective. Felt good. Little stressed about the next week or so, but I'm just going to focus on what's in my control and not what's outside of my control. Chilled when I got home. I'm tired.
  15. Day 269 No VG - 269 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 1 day, SOB - 0 days, NNO59 - 0 days, NIA1030 - 0 days, NLAF - 0 days, NSOC - 0 days, Meditation - 0 days, No Internet Saturdays - 1 week, Post-It Saturdays (NA). Well, it's been a weird 72 hours. I was at work on Saturday and Sunday until 10 PM on both nights. I spent 70+ hours at work last week. Chores went by the wayside. Habits ^^^ went by the wayside. Oof. Work has been nuts. I finally finished with my contractors but now I need to test everything they've modified. I have to go to work later today, but I took the morning off mentally and physically to recoup, and I'm cleaning the heck out of my apartment and cooking before I do anything. I'm so excited I'm finally doing laundry, which is a weird statement to make, but very true. I messed up big time with habits in the last twelve hours or so. Fell asleep on the couch after going on the comp once I got home. Woke up unrested and early. Went on the computer in bed, searching for a fix. I'm nearly through the thick of it. I can see the light at work. January 30th, I can finally take a day off. Despite the lapsed habits, I've been surprisingly resilient and not panicked. I'm a little stressed, but I'm more confident I can handle it. Also, no internet Saturday went really well since I was working the whole time. Didn't do the Post-It thing because there was only one glaringly large thing I needed to handle. Big lessons from all this: 1) When I work crazy weeks like this, I need to be more cognizant of my habits, which serve to help me and make my life easier. The urge to cave and numb myself is illogical. Usually, that's just the desire for sleep talking, and manifesting in different ways. 2) This year I will need to be much more strategic when I work in order to prevent the same from happening next year. This has been a good experience, but I don't want to continue having the same experience over and over. I need to 10X my impact for the same level of work by working smarter and not harder. --- Also want to note I'm not kicking myself over the habits. I made a mistake and the habits have made my life better for the most part.
  16. Day 266 No VG - 266 days, no sports news - 1 day, NF - 5 days, SOB - 47 days, NNO59 - 15 days, NIA1030 - 12 days, NLAF - 20 days, NSOC - 19 days, Meditation - 18 days, will do after this. [No Internet Saturdays, Post-It Weekends] Was at work for a long time today. I am very grateful for the support I got from a couple of different engineering/support groups today. Despite how shit the job can be sometimes, I really enjoy a lot of the people I work with. Also, the manager of one of those groups started openly bribing me for a senior position in an area I have far less background then some of his "junior" position holders. Ego boosting. Yay. Will probably not go that route though for a whole host of reasons. I have to go in tomorrow, and possibly Sunday and Monday too. Just need to get through January and I'm free. I'm crazy tired. I'm also freaking out about tomorrow and my no internet day (with the exception of work things). Work should make this easier. I feel almost like I need to get my fix in tonight. Oh, and I had a weird dream last night where my father said something to me, I ran away, got super drunk, and started crying. I don't remember dreams all to often, but it kinda sucks that the ones I've been remembering recently are all negative. I would like to start a dream journal at some point. That helps recall a lot. I'm rambling. Blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
  17. Hm, that's interesting. It makes me think of a blog called The Minimalists that I used to read a while back. They had an exercise where one puts literally everything in their house in boxes, and see how much actually gets used within the next month or something like that. It's supposed to make someone realize how much crap they have in their house that they don't need or use. Maybe try that with your PC. Box it up. Give it to someone to hold for a bit if you can, and see what happens. There's little risk to that. If you enjoy it, you can extend and get rid of it altogether. If you hate it, then you can take it back. It would be nice too since it gives you the breathing room to focus on changing your habits. It's hard to give up meth when one's home is full of meth.
  18. Day 265 No VG - 265 days, no sports news - 0 days, NF - 4 days, SOB - 46 days, NNO59 - 14 days, NIA1030 - 11 days, NLAF - 19 days, NSOC - 18 days, Meditation - 17 days, will do after this. [No Internet Saturdays, Post-It Weekends] Haha, thank you both @BooksandTrees and @Erik2.0. I'm in work mode right now. I've taken on a lot of responsibility, and I just have to push through this month. --- Work, work, work. Contractors were able to catch up with the workload despite some unfortunate delays. I'm happy. Other things are delayed too. I need to work this weekend to do testing. Just counting the days til February. I'm tired and ready for bed.
  19. Day 264 No VG - 264 days, no sports news - 8 days, NF - 3 days, SOB - 45 days, NNO59 - 13 days, NIA1030 - 10 days, NLAF - 18 days, NSOC - 17 days, Meditation - 16 days, will do after this. [No Internet Saturdays, Post-It Weekends] Yeah, @Ikar, I agree with you. By shifting the locus of the blame onto someone else, it's almost implicit that one accepts the fact that the locus of control is on someone else, and that they lack the tools to handle their own problems. I don't blame my parents for where I'm at. Did they have an effect on my life--obviously. Whose responsibility is it once I realize I can do something about it--mine, and mine only. Even if one's parents are Satan-spawn, there's not much value in assigning blame beyond what's rational and real. --- Work stuff. There's so much going on right now, unless I feel really stressed, I don't feel like talking about it. Went to a networking thing after work for the first time in a long time. I was happy I went for a bit. Didn't feel too stressed, and made some good contacts that may have immediate dividends. Just chilling for a few minutes and going to bed early tonight. Super sleep deprived. Fudge.
  20. Nah, I'm in...America. It's good, man. You'll have a lot of free time and mental bandwidth suddenly opened.
  21. Day 263 No VG - 263 days, no sports news - 7 days, NF - 2 days, SOB - 44 days, NNO59 - 12 days, NIA1030 - 9 days, NLAF - 17 days, NSOC - 16 days, Meditation - 15 days, will do after this. [No Internet Saturdays, Post-It Weekends] Work. Physical therapy, too. Was actually kind of interesting to realize a PT book I picked up at the library for my back issues was one my PT bought for herself the other. I really respect her. She's incredibly open-minded and problem-solving oriented. Got home, have been doing some chores. Need to get up super early again. Really tired. Need bed.
  22. As a recovering sports nerd, I can personally attest that a lot of people invest too much of their identity in sports teams, for various reasons. If one isn't on the team, there's no sense in acting like one's the owner. I was guilty of this for many years, and was a huge crutch and escape for me during my childhood when things sucked. Because I couldn't be happy, I could let myself feel good as long as X sports team was winning and feeling good. Ironically, there's a coworker I work with who is a borderline religious Red Sox fan. I used to be his level a long time ago, and we're friends, so I love to push his buttons because I know how to do so easily. I cannot wait to see him next to ask him how many years he thinks Alex Cora is gonna get banned from baseball. I have no horse in this race anymore, but I just want to watch him die on the inside just a little bit 🙂 If you do end up walking away, it's going to be hard and there will be a lot of nostalgia, but it takes a big burden off. 25 years is a long time, so good luck.
  23. Day 262 No VG - 262 days, no sports news - 6 days, NF - 1 day, SOB - 43 days, NNO59 - 11 days, NIA1030 - 8 days, NLAF - 16 days, NSOC - 15 days, Meditation - 14 days, will do after this. [No Internet Saturdays, Post-It Weekends] @BooksandTrees, yeah, I don't really go much out of my way in terms of treating myself. If anything, I might choose mini-vacations this year as my treat. I barely used any vacation last year because I completely misplanned. I'm not a very material person, but I do appreciate experiences much more. I'm aiming to do this every few months to recharge and explore and add some desparately needed adventure to my life. With regards to adding more communities, but right now I'd like to just focus on making my main three feel like real communities. The stress from improv has gone down quite a bit, and it definitely feels more laid back. For me, I usually feel more restored by spending time with people I truly like, and the activity isn't the main thing. Still I'll give it some thought for the future though. I'll touch on my main plan of attack below. --- Work was interesting. Yeah. Therapy was also interesting. I talked about how I felt so overwhelmed with dumb stuff over the weekend. As we talked, things didn't really get too deep, since as I was talking, I was pretty much able to confirm my plan of action and why I was acting that way, or so I think. Essentially, I feel overblown by small stuff since I still act like a child in some ways and find it easier to ignore reality and hope someone or something else will take care of my issues. Therefore, the best course of action is to build a new identity around fixing my issues and facing them, which similar to work, I'll have to start prioritizing things in my day which make me feel anxious. Conquering these usually gives me the greatest sense of accomplishment and reduces my anxiety better than anything else I know. The initial effort needed in these endeavors are quite high, but the rewards are greatest. I also had a venting session about my father. I've felt feelings of anger just bubbling up recently, and my therapist has keyed in on that in a couple of sessions. I elaborated on some things. He had a really interesting comment on being a model for my father, and not the other way around, which was oddly inspiring and interesting to contemplate. I'm really too tired to go into a long life story and my relationship with my father, but it hasn't been good. Being able to discuss this today felt like a mini-catharsis. I might have to explore this more.
  24. Unhooked by Woolverton and Shapiro. So far it's just a bunch of case studies that an addiction therapist encountered throughout their career, but I strongly identify with a lot of it. It's not a technical book by any means. Very self-helpy, but I'm generally pretty keen on stuff like that.
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