NEW VIDEO: The EASIEST Way to Stop Gaming
Laney
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Posts posted by Laney
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Hey Corey! Nice to meet you. I love all your goals. Nature was a huge calling for me as a kid. It was so magical. I hope to recapture that mystery and awe soon, and to involve nature in my life more in general. If you start a journal be sure to post pictures!! Would be very interested in any journeys you go on, or animals that you see.
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Welcome mister! I'm glad that you've come to the forums this time around. Lurk or post we're still glad you're here, and I hope we can aid you!
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Hey Laney,
Sorry to hear you're having a bad day! It will pass
One thing I will just pipe in about is that you mentioned ADHD. I dated someone with ADHD for 2 years, so I have some sense of how that affects someone. I was with her before and after her diagnosis, and before and after her she started taking medication and learning about ADHD. I was able to see what a difference proactively dealing with her condition (which is legally considered a disability) did for her, and how much it improved her life. If you already know all this, then disregard. I just wanted to say that doing everything you can to treat the ADHD will likely be a ton of help, if you haven't yet. For someone with ADHD it's not just a matter of trying harder or trying to be more disciplined. If you truly have ADHD, then at a neurobiological level you have more difficulty than most people with self-regulation, self-control, executive function - so don't beat yourself up over something chemical that you can't control. Be kind to yourself, focus on what you can control and do the best you can! There are advantages to ADHD as well, so learning to leverage though can be great too.
Hope this helps. Hang in there!
Thanks Kortheo! I was diagnosed about two years ago actually. It's been a wild ride and most of the progress came from not blaming myself for failures. I'm on medication but... I've stopped going to a psychologist for therapy. I'm not sure why I haven't made another appointment, out of sight, out of mind I guess
I'm not worried about the discipline, that can be taught to myself through good habits and medication, so I'm pretty on top of those now! I'm more so worried about my inability to find words and my inability to remember concepts clearly enough to describe them to others. Not sure if that can be fixed with medication.
And yes I love ADHD as well, I think I bring a lot to the table as a friend, coworker or lover. But I can't show people with words that I do, I have to show them with my work and my actions and I hate that. I'm very sociable, I thought I'd do well in business and with friends. Turns out I just offend people more often than not because of how blunt and honest I am(every time I think I've learned good tact, I say or do something else bad). Anyway, progress with discipline is actually possible. Progress with my brain's recall is not. And instead of thinking about solutions (I have google why do I need recall? :P) I'm moping and upset with myself.
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Leechblock looks interesting. Honestly I'd block Reddit...it's what I spend most of my time on. Can you set certain times when it's allowed and when it's not?
Also coool!! House planning time! If you have a down payment ready for the house, it will make it MUCH cheaper in the long term. So something to think about.
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I forgot to post my finished product. They loved them! Made me super happy. Funny thing is they both bought me video games for Christmas. Smh haha. But I'm allowing myself rpg's so I'm actually pretty ecstatic. Won't play them for a while though. I am starting to get invested in this true detox from all games.
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Interesting. This brain fog I experience a lot, and forget things often (I have been diagnosed with adhd) but it could be from neglecting ourselves for so long our brain isn't functioning well. It's also known that depression causes brain fog, and I am most surely depressed atm. A bad bad mixture of gaming and depression. I'm really looking forward to it being gone!
I'm trying this out(week three), and I'm glad you are too. I believe you can totally make it over this hump, I did and I'm about to graduate in Spring. I think I mostly did it from not gaming during school time, but then I was gaming during break and getting back into bad places before the next wave of classes which always made the beginning and end of the classes harder. As like you I went back when I was stressed or nothing else to do. I look forward to reading your journals. Welcome
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"Mate value" I love it.
Fudge and fireplaces sounds like a holiday to me.
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Whooaaa amazing! It's wonderful that you don't identify as a gamer anymore and have gone through this whole experience. Plus the fact you gratitude computer games at the end...I'M SO PROUD.
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I'm glad you're back, heck I'm very grateful actually that you came back and posted this.
Seeing another go through the motions of relapse is really eye opening/humbling. I house a lot of shame and guilt when I make mistakes, and you coming back here not being afraid to be honest about your situation and continue to be yourself says a lot about this community and a lot about you.
Onto how to prevent it and not having any goals, I only really know myself and I haven't even bought respawn yet. But I can say that watching Cam's videos helps remind me of why I quit in the first place. Instead of a big end game goal, since I can't really find one or decide on one, I'm starting small and focusing on making my new habits that will replace the gaming with better stuff (hah sorry I'll probably bring those up for a while because of The Power of Habit). This awesome video was posted on Reddit today, https://youtu.be/DaugRxMz7tw and it really shows what we're capable of if we just work on something a few moments every day. How are your guitar skills now?
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Day 14
Progress is a lot slower than I thought it would be.
Work is really stressful because of a bad co-worker.
I can't seem to do anything for myself. Only if it's for others do I have motivation. Zero will power for things I want to do specifically for me. I don't know how to fix this, I've been that way my whole life. I'm pretty sure it has to do with my ADHD. I am wonderful at tricking myself into doing productive things by involving others...But you can't always do that. How can I hang out with just me and have the will to do things?? I hate my brain.
These are all things I want to do that dont include others: clean room(like reaaalllly clean it, throw out a bunch of clothes and get rid of objects I dont need and reorganize), exercise, make bad ass coffee in the morning, do my hair a specific way that I like, program/research an AR app, learn Japanese or German, learn how to paint, sing a reggae song at a local bar since they never have female singers on reggae night.
Honestly I'm having a really bad day. I have bad self confidence because I lack the ability to articulate my ideas. I let people take over because I dont have the articulation to defend my approach and ideas in the moment, and I'm a very kind person who goes by the rules and wants to believe the best of people. I get stepped on by dominant people who don't follow the same moral ethics as my own.
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Hey, tell us what you think about the power of habit, I'm also going to read it after I finished reading/listening to The Slight Edge!
Lucky you found the lost gift. What was it?
And great to read you are going to exercise. What is your objective?
The gift was earrings for my sister that can be left in forever without bad things happening. Not the cheap $10 jewelry. And it was a bunch of women who kept it for me until the next day! Super sweet and grateful they were honest and saved it for me.
The book is great, I went on a run with my parents dogs right after the first few pages haha. I plan on reading it more tonight. Definitely helping me approach this whole thing and invigorating me to be excited for the change.
I dont have an exercise objective. Honestly healthy heart is the most important so probably cardio, second importance is decent muscle strength. But the heart truly is the thing I need to work on. Exercise hurts really bad when I stress my heart past its limits, my whole head aches including my jaw and neck. Maybe a physical before getting into this would be better? Been like that my whole life but it is possible to make it healthier. Back in cross country it would only hurt after sprinting to my limits, but now that I'm out of shape it hurts doing any exercise.
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Hey Alex! I just read through the past couple of days + the relapse post. You seem like you're in a place where you have no other goals/nothing else to do right now, so you're filling it with a game. Can you think of anything you'd like to get done or people you'd like to re-connect with from your past? Just going to get coffee/tea with someone is really helpful and inspires me to get more things done!
I know it seems harmless but I am really excited for your possibilities and your future. I'm reading The Power of Habit right now and it has opened my eyes to be more aware of why I gamed and why I keep/kept going back to it. For us it's holiday time and we want to reward ourselves/have something to do over break because that's what we've always done, and everyone tells us it's OK. Heck your family is even giving you permission and wants you to game. That's pretty hard to deal with. I've met a few friends who don't understand and kept trying to convince me back. Anyway, managing the hours you spend sounds like a great idea to not let this get out of hand. The whole reason I came to this community was because I thought I could manage my online gaming and I went back and gamed after Finals were over and I could not manage it. Let us know how the rest of your days and goals go. Plus feel free to chat with me to discuss possible hobbies or ideas if you want, I'm sure it would help me too.
And I quit only online games, not solo RPG's. I'm not addicted to RPG's and they don't suck me away like MMO's do. My point is that you may be capable of managing 'playing games' and continue being successful in your goals and still be interested in real life. Honestly that was the scariest part, being bored of friends, family and other things I'd normally be interested in. Just keep an eye out for signs, and be aware of your gaming.
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Hello Berry!! It's lovely to meet you, and I'm glad you're taking steps to make better habits outside of games. Reading became boring for me around your age as well, I think it's partially because my reading level was above young adult books, but all adult books were way too graphic for me. So I just lost interest and replaced it with games. Music is a great idea, and so is language! Just make sure to include people in your life who are doing the same things. You mentioned skype friends and Steam, your body will need replacement social interaction to make up for the lack of those people. You might want to join a sport, a band or an after school/weekend club. Once you pay more attention to the people around you you'll get better at involving them in yours and vice versa.
Hope you come back here sometimes
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Cold brew might be an option you'd like. It's concentrated coffee, after brewing you keep it in your fridge forever and mix it with water. You can mix it with hot or cold water depending on what you want to drink that day
Sounds similar to what you do already, warming up water and adding the mats. Only difference is you'd have to make the cold brew every so often, or buy it.Honestly, the sugar in your coffee is a good goal, but quite small compared to soda's and juices. I think it would be easier to quit sugared coffee once you quit overly sugared drinks. (coke and sprite have 9.75 sugar packets each in a can) When I quit I forced myself to take a sip of water every time I had a craving, and now? Water tastes better than actual soda's, and many drinks are too sweet for me at coffee shops and boba places. EXCEPT REALLY HOT DAYS FOR SOME REASON. There's something about a cold soda on a hot day, haha. I just try to drink diet when I do.
And thanks! Going home right now to get my workout outfit on. Let you know how it goes
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Nothing much has happened and I haven't felt the urge to play games, hell yeah! Keeping busy and present planning has really helped.
Day 6 - Sunday
Kinda had a bad morning, woke up feeling bad from the past two days of crappy MMO experiences. Worked on more of my crafts with a friend in the morning, cheered me up. Then Shadowrun tabletop game with friends. SO GOOD. I missed this so bad. I have the best character ever and our group gets along great.
Best part of the day: Sister came home!!
Day 7 - Monday
Work. Christmas shopping (Best gift of the night: a super cool engraved wallet for my dad). After I got back home, sister was super stressed from being home (law school makes it hard to relax), she kept talking herself in bad self doubting circles so I tried to distract her with my own problems (quitting games!) It actually worked really well and the end of the night we were dying of laughter, doing yoga and listening to S Club 7. She said this forum sounds like my own AA meetings, and it kind of is! Thank you guys
Although the end of the night I realized I lost a $45 purchase and cried myself to sleep.
Day 8 - Tuesday
Nothing too crazy, work, found the lost purchase at the mall(YES), bought more gifts, neighborhood party. OH! And I bought one of the books on Cam's list, The Power of Habit. Haven't started it yet.
3 Things I am grateful for:
- Honest retail workers
- My job
- I have really awesome neighbors!! Got to meet a lot of new ones and the older ones too. We have sweet, kind people on our street.
One amazing thing that happened today:
- I found the last book I was searching for as a gift. I am done with shopping!!
What could I have done to make my day better?
Been on time to the darn neighborhood party. I totally forgot it was happening and took my time at the mall.
What I am going to do differently tomorrow:
I am going to exercise!
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You could try getting into black coffee, I'm a super coffee snob and make amazing black coffee that doesn't need sugar anymore. I like the fruity african beans iced
It's funny, they actually are so sweet on their own that adding sugar makes it taste bad (conflicting sweet notes). If you want any tips on yummy coffee I can help you out! Cold brew is super easy and cheap, and if you have more time or money I've used the aeropress and pourover methods quite a bit and can suggest some things. First step would be to pack up your coffee making machine though ;DAlso you are so awesome! You've been doing great on those workouts, you've definitely inspired me.
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Is there a way to increase your working memory? I have ADHD and basically have none. I rely on other parts of my brain to function.
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Hey welcome to the forum
I think your post may be reaching for "This is fact" type stuff when I would say life is more grey than black and white. As a child I was addicted to books. It was the best thing to be addicted to. Everyone thought it was super awesome for you to ignore them because you were reading! That's what smart people do! It was an awesome excuse to ignore the world because I was doing something "productive" in the eyes of others. I thought it was soo cool that I could read a story about foreign lands and magic and they thought I was being productive, hah. But in reality it got so bad that my parents would have to take the book away from me at 3am so that I would go to sleep, teachers would take it away because I wasn't listening in class, etc. I'm not saying they are as addicting as video games--those obviously replaced books for me later on--but just because you specifically feel no addictive draw to something doesn't make it not a possible addiction for someone else.The reason for people to play video games is varied and diverse. For you I gleamed it was probably gameplay, coordination and challenge. For myself? Totally the story. I got to "control" it. Control over the most mediocre story line can make it seem great. I was as if I were the main character instead
Also the lies you mentioned about the porn industry, what are you referencing? I don't really follow porn.
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Hey Matt, welcome and happy birthday! I'm glad you're joining us. I'm 22 and a computerish major as well. Nice to meet you!
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Hey. First, good job staying true to your values. Sometimes we need to be tested in this way for us to remind ourselves why it's important for us to move on.
When it comes to being upset, what I'd encourage you to do is not to ignore it, and instead to ACCEPT it. There's a difference and it's important. When you "ignore" how you're feeling, you suppress it. And this suppression comes with a ton of consequences. Instead, by accepting the way you feel, it doesn't have to have any further power over you. You can follow the process I outline here. There's also a good podcast with Tim Ferriss and Tara Brach here.
Enjoy your Christmas party.
Thanks for the video. Seeing a visualization of how to approach what I'm feeling and why I'm feeling a certain way is pretty nice, I've been learning about it during yoga & meditation, and to see it repeated here is kind of cool. It really is all about the intention of your physical state and actions/thoughts! But really, the only thing that can get me out of a mood is to distance myself from others and be alone, or to get out of the house and exercise or do something different. I can't monitor myself well after I've gone over the edge until all or most triggers are gone. I try to be aware of my triggers and control my food pretty strongly so I never get into a "gremlin" mood like that morning.
I definitely go through that process of acknowledging my feelings and separating myself from them. I just.. Anger at myself is really the hardest one to logic my way out of. Anger at someone else is pretty easy to deal with in comparison n.n
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Nice artwork! Your friends will be happy!
I'm really disappointed in my old self and how I handled and ignored family because of games during holidays. This year, I will connect and celebrate.
You did the best you could to be happy with the knowledge you had at the time. Can you forgive your old self? Can you be thankful for what you have learned?
How do I connect to my mother when she is addicted to tv shows and her phone games?
What does your mother like to do? What would you love to do together? Try making a plan with her. Being out helps a lot. When I want to connect with my father I have to drag him somewhere where there are no screens.
Is it my fault that she's turned to games when all I did for years was go into my room and not spend time with her?
She's probably asking herself the same question in reverse. Guilt is a terrible thing: it can make you feel unworthy and afraid to bridge the gap with those you care about. Take advantage of the Christmas atmosphere to be real with each other. You can always discuss this if you feel the time is right. Makes sense?
1) I don't think I can entirely forgive myself until I can successfully do the in the moment thing a few times. Forgiving myself ahead of time will hold me accountable as if I've already accomplished it. Then I will feel less inclined to do it.
2) I'm not really sure. The only activities we do together is crafts, cooking, movies, restaurants and shopping. If you have any ideas n.n don't think I can get into something very time consuming with her as I'm pretty busy. Maybe a weekly luncheon?
3) Thanks, she probably does feel guilty too. I'll see if we can talk about it maybe, and if not I will definitely do what Cam said and lead by example. I think it will include talking to get about what she wants to do with herself outside of work and home.
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Nice badges! And wow, that art is awesome. Where did you get that?
Thank you! I found the artist a long time ago on the internet, rediscovered and I bought it from his inprnt page http://www.inprnt.com/gallery/tomas_honz/
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Day 4 (sorry it's long, a lot happened)
I open my email and see "Closed Beta Invite" for a beta I signed up for years ago. Wow. Seriously? F**king serious? I wanted to play that game for so long, and now the week when I decide I'm done with mmo's of course this happens.
So I immediately thought how can get I get rid of it. I reached out to a friend who signed up for the beta with me. He already got the invite too, my heart dropped, because then I still have the darn invite unclaimed. I decided to tell him about my Game Quitting initiative, and that I'd been "sober" for four days. I didn't really know how he would react but he said "Damn that's basically me" and "I don't know if I can help you, I've already given into the dark side. You need a non video game hobby. Find some social activity that can take your mind off games. Delete it."
I was so relieved and happy that my gaming friend who I care about could take me seriously and respect AND support my decision. Totally blew me away. I deleted it and never felt so happy/proud of myself. Really good night.
Day 5
This morning I decided to get rid of the nagging feeling to play my mmo. The only attachment really was my unique item I won from a contest a while back. So I decided to give away my money and special clothing item to my buddy. Goal was to log on, trade everything and then uninstall.
Goal was accomplished but...my friend didn't really understand my "quitting mmo's for good" concept... Kept using words like I'll hold this for you until you come back, I wont use them, I'll keep a spreadsheet of what you give me, etc. And then they gave me a YouTube link to an mmo and said they'd steal me to play with them when it comes out. He got me talking about a game I forgot about and I even said I would play it when it releases. I got pissed at myself and him and cussed a bunch.
I was really upset about myself, I basically relapsed mentally, I think yesterday's email plus the video he linked and how positively he was talking about games just tricked me into thinking, "why don't I game?". I shut my laptop and angrily ate cereal, didn't like the taste threw it in the sink and paced the house. Eventually I turned on this relax mediation app and I finally calmed down.. Decided only my morning would suck, I was past this. All my MMO's were uninstalled and the beta invite was deleted, so the false temptation today doesn't matter. I moved on.
Went to a friend's house, made bomb coffee with her and she may even become my physical trainer if I tutor her next quarter! The drive, good company and wonderful sky really made my day, and I feel really good about my future.
Overall, still upset and I'm not sure how to get past that? But I'm ignoring it and trying to focus on the moment. It's really frustrating when people don't understand/take me seriously about this quitting addict thing.
Tonight I'm at a Christmas party with long time family friends. I'll try to respond to everyone tomorrow but I have read all of your responses, thank you.
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Alex's Journal template thing. May want to add a separate goal post, as I'm just floating around not sure of what to do with myself.
3 Things I am grateful for:
One amazing thing that happened today:
What could I have done to make my day better?
What I am going to do differently tomorrow:
Hi, I'm Tim
in Start Here & Introduction
Posted
That's awesome Tim. I've been in the exact same place where I felt i was investing so much and getting nothing back. Super excited that you made this decision! It's extremely liberating being here and being "sober". Welcome to the forum and I hope to see more of you. Day one go!