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RyanGQ

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  1. Coming into this movement, this is something that I've been thinking about. Gaming, over the past decade or so, has really exploded. With the rise of the internet came the rise of online gaming, which brought upon game streaming, MMO's, and competitive online e-sports. The invention of consumer touchscreen devices, smartphones, and tablets, has revolutionized the ability for people to game literally ANYWHERE, and view gaming through whatever lens they desire; entertainment, community, or competition. Gaming has quickly grown into the most profitable entertainment medium in the world, which makes it a bit strange when I realize that I'm just one person stepping out of it, even though there will inevitably be dozens of young children being raised to take my place. So I beg the question: how would the world change if the entire world decided to drop gaming all together? What would happen? I guess it's a pipe dream, though. You can only really help someone so much if they don't want to help themselves. Anyways, here's to GameQuitters growing and expanding in 2016. I'll be here.
  2. I like this. I might as well pitch in, if you don't mind: Farewell, Starcraft 2. You encapsulated my mind and drove me to be the best that I could be at a time where I didn't think I had much that I was good at. You made me rage, made me cry, made me scream with joy, and occasionally, made me die laughing. You let me meet some good people, and you'll always be remembered as the first game that really made me feel like I wasn't good at video games. I can still see your boxes, sitting on my bookshelf, collecting dust, solembly awaiting your turn to be reopened. But alas, that day will not come, until far in the future, when you have been all but forgotten. For now, you'll have to wait your turn for me to play a different game: LIFE. Farewell, Call of Duty, Halo, Grand Theft Auto, Hearthstone, Gears of War, Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Runescape, Maplestory, Zelda, Bioshock, Team Fortress, Planetside, League of Legends, and all others who stood by your side. You escorted me out of my bedroom, out of my head, and into other worlds that I could only imagine living within in my dreams. You served your purpose well as the panic room, that protected my younger self from the turmoil that arose as my family fell apart around me. You kept me from getting involved in the wrong crowd, and you kept me safe from the outside world. Although now, I think you may have been keeping me a bit TOO safe for my own good. For now, you'll have to find new players to grasp onto. I'm putting you down to rest. And finally, farewell to you, Counter Strike: Global Offensive. If I'm going to miss anybody, it would have to be you. I put over 500 hours into you, in just a year and a half, and that's not counting all of the time I spent writing about you, thinking about you, even watching you be played by those who were considered to be the best of the best. We had some good times. The clans we made, the games we played. Most importantly, the people we met. All of those terrorists, and all of those cops, that we murdered together, whether it be by bullets, knives, fire, or explosives, those are just a blur. But the people who we talked to, the people who we met together, those are going to be the hardest to let go of. Sometimes I wish I had stuck around just a day longer, to say my goodbyes, but there's no looking back now... If I was ever to come back to you, it would be as a new man. One looking for the answers as to why we spent the time together that we did. By then, you'll most likely be a shell of your former self, and the relationship that we built with each other and with those that we met will be long gone. Perhaps those we met will have moved on as well. All I know for certain is that you'll live on a while longer without me. I'm just one of ten million others, who's decided on this day to put my gun down for good. GG.
  3. DAY FIFTEEN I find it kind of ironic that in the middle of writing this post the first time, I mentioned that the sound of rain tapping on the outside of my window helped me write, only to quickly be cast into darkness, as the monsoon outside my house promptly and unapologetically shut off every electronic device in my house. I guess I had it coming. So where was I? Oh yes. Boredom. I'm posting this one-day update because, well, I'm bored. Boredom is a feeling that I've been putting off for a long time. Far too long, if you ask me. And while I won't deny that video games definitely helped me through tough times in my life, I think I took it just a little bit too far. I should have quit playing video games months, or perhaps even years ago. And I'm not one to often dwell on the past (as dwelling on the past is for unconfident people, and I try my best to be confident), but I feel that it's sometimes necessary to take a moment of reflection. I've come to rediscover just how shitty the feeling of boredom is. Boredom on the surface sounds like the absolute epitome of a "first world problem", but it's a real thing that hundreds of millions of people suffer from all around the world. I actually sometimes envy wild animals, just for the fact that they've not evolved far enough to worry about anything outside of rampant hunting and reproduction. It's finding things to do with yourself that's the hardest part. And it's not that I haven't had any ideas, it's just that I haven't really set anything in motion yet. I had a pretty shit day today. Not because of anything that happened to me in particular, but just because of all of the shit that I'm surrounded by on a day to day basis, family wise. I often feel like I'm the only member of my family who isn't out of their fucking mind. I don't want to go into detail over the past 8 years of the shitstorm that is my family life, but that, and the fact that I have no real freedom, or incentive, to stay with any of these people, are the motivators that I hold onto to make sure that I make it out of this hellhole one day. That, and the fact that I slept in this morning (which I told myself I wouldn't do), are the two reasons that I haven't been feeling so "up". I've been trying to keep my own advice, but I just keep failing. And I'm not giving up on the no-game movement, but it gets aggravating sometimes man. It really does. I've found a new mantra though - something that Joe Rogan said, about "being the hero of your own story". That shit really hit me hard. Maybe "resonated" is the word for it. I don't know. I know I shouldn't be this hard on myself just for sleeping in, but I really feel like I let myself down. But tonight, I'm making a PROMISE, that I won't do it tomorrow. And I keep my promises. But truth be told, that's not all that's been on my mind. While I might still be better than I've ever been health-wise and motivation-wise, I still can't shake the feeling of loneliness that I get. It's come and gone in the past, but sometimes it just really hits me. I'm lonely. It takes a lot of courage to admit that to yourself, I think. And out of all of the things that I'm trying to get together in my life, that's probably got to be the hardest one to get right. Throughout the past couple of years, as I've been losing passion for gaming, I've always been trying to get my gamer-friends to step outside of the house, to no avail. It's not until you quit playing video games for a while that you start to realize that as a hardcore gamer, almost all of my meaningful relationships have been built over Skype calls and games of Counter-Strike. My mom always used to tell me, "you're stuck up in your room in that fantasy land, you should go do something with your friends". My justification for this was that I WAS with my friends. Whether or not I was seeing them face to face or not, or whether I had met them in real life at all, was irrelevant. I could hear their voices; they were and still ARE real people. But those kind of relationships aren't fulfilling. And I know that now. And knowing this, I have to let go of them. I've still been in contact with the friends that I game with, but every time I talk to them, they're gaming, and I just get phased out of the conversation until I end up just getting off the computer (which I've been spending less and less time on to begin with). I've invited them to hang out, but all they want to do is sit in their rooms and talk to each other through their damn microphones, and I'm sick of it. But what's worse than that, is that one of these mentioned people has been trying to get me back into gaming. I've explained to him that I want nothing more to do with it, yet he treats it like a phase, or like some sort of joke. It's understandable, having only been two weeks, but I can tell he's dealing with the internal backlash of seeing someone move on. At least I think that's what it is, I don't want to try to diagnose anybody. What the hell do I know, anyways. All I know is that throughout the past, I've let a lot of people drag me down because they themselves never wanted to move upwards. But I'm done with that. The thing is, he might be right. Sitting around, not doing much, isn't very much more productive than playing video games. But at least it's a step in the right direction. It's true: I really don't know what I want to do with my life. I'm not even all that sure what I DON'T want to do with my life. But one thing's for sure, and that's that what I've been doing so far is boring to me now, and I'm fed up with it. And I'm sick and tired of people trying to hold me in place as if they know what's best for me. Or not even that: they KNOW that I don't care about playing video games anymore, and I don't even think they like playing them either, it's just the fact that if they know that we're both miserable together, it doesn't feel so bad for them. And that's what I call a really shitty friend. I've come to realize I've racked up a lot of those over the years. And like Joe Rogan said, if there's one thing that you can do to majorly fuck up your life and hold you back for a long time, is to keep stupid, shitty people in your life that don't belong there. So yeah. I'm in the process of phasing out some of my old friends. I'm not telling them off, and I'm not trying to diss them in any way. I'm not really even arguing back, it's a waste of my time. I'm just not logging onto Skype anymore. I figure once second semester rolls around, I'll be able to get out there again. As for now, I'm kind of depressed. The only other friends that I have that I don't really game with are: My stoner friend Joseph, who hasn't yet returned my text message. My sort of eccentric best friend Jorden, who I haven't been able to get a hold of for over a month (I'm actually getting kind of worried about him, I've been thinking of swinging by his house to see if he's OK). My quiet friend Alex, who if I'm not mistaken is on or is about-to-leave on a cruise. And finally, my sort of girlfriend Grace, who's been busy for the past couple of days, and will be busy up until after Christmas, who hasn't returned my text yet either. So I'm kind of just stuck here with my sister (who is also almost never here). Anyways, this post has been going on for way too long. As I've said before, this feeling comes and goes. Everyone's busy with family stuff over the holidays, so I guess without video games I've been left with a lot of free time that I haven't had the drive to fill up. Thanks Cam for being so resilient with your responses. Not just to me, but to everyone. I know that by the end of these three months, I'll be a better person. And I'm not gonna lie, I've thought about just going back to video games after the 90 days. It would make things just so much easier. I know that's just the messed up brain chemistry I've got going on right now talking, though. Even if I wanted to go back, I'd probably be too lazy to reinstall everything anyways. Anyways, I'm gonna end this here. I might go check out some other threads tonight to talk to some people in the community too, maybe get their thoughts on some of this. Knowing I'm not alone in this makes it a lot easier. END. PS: Btw, yes, I do have about 15 books I'm looking into. I'll update you when I start on some of them, it all just depends on when I can get my hands on them. Shipping prices are NOT cool . PPS: Just broke it to my mom about me quitting video games. She seemed relieved, and proud of me. I guess it's what she's been waiting for, lol. It's a weight off my shoulders. I should really get some sleep.
  4. DAY TWELVE - THIRTEEN - FOURTEEN It's crazy to think it's already been 2 weeks. It feels like time is flying. I guess I gotta get a hold of it. Still working on making plans and getting out of the house. My sister and I went out and ran some errands, and went Christmas shopping for the fam yesterday. I'm gonna hopefully go on a jog today. I slept in more than I should have, and then I had to stick around the house for a few hours because we had an electrician swing by to check something out. But I'm good to go now, so I guess I'll see what I can do. I'm hopefully gonna get a book or two to start reading again for Christmas, so that's a thing. Anyways, I've still got a bit over a week to go before I break my record of not playing games. Even then, I'll still have a long ways to go. But I'm feeling good about it. Also, I made it a point to also delete reddit and ifunny. I figured those were just wasting my time just as much as gaming was, and it really doesn't add me any benefit past looking at funny pictures and reading hoards upon hoards of threads that have nothing to do with anything in my life (that often times just make me feel bad because a lot of messed up shit gets posted on reddit). Anyways that's about it. Nothing much more to touch on besides that. Come to think of it, I haven't had anything to eat today. Oh, that reminds me, I'm looking into starting a diet plan, so hopefully that will come into fruition over time. Eating healthy has always been something I've wanted to do but never really gotten into. But I've started to realize that my family has been cooking less, so I'm going to have to start learning it myself eventually. So yeah, here's to that. END.
  5. DAY NINE - TEN - ELEVEN It's Saturday at 3:25 at the time I'm writing this. Today is the first official day of the Winter Break, and I'm digging it. Finals took a lot out of me, so after I got home from my girlfriend's house yesterday, I literally just watched movies and slept the stress out. I ended up with 5 A's and 1 B in my classes (all AP / Gifted courses), so I'm stoked. It looks like my late night grinding has payed off in a way, even though my sleep schedule is shit. Today, I kicked it off well, I think. I woke up, showered, and I'm currently cleaning up my entire house in preparation for what I'm hoping to get done over the break (and I want my mom to be happy, she's stressed enough as it is, it's the least I can do). I've got most of the lower half done, now I just need to do laundry, vacuum, journal, brush my teeth, meditate, all that good stuff. One thing I really need to keep in check is my fitness over the break. If there's anything I need to not procrastinate on, it's that. I didn't work out much over the last week because I didn't have weight training, so starting tomorrow (because it's freezing right now and I'm busy) I'm going to make sure I get out and jog / work out at least an hour every day. This will hopefully prevent me from losing too much of my gains over these next 2 weeks (because let's face it I'm not squatting heavy weights in my basement), and force me to wake up early and kick off my days productively and healthily. In the past I've been bad at keeping that on track, even over the summer when I had a gym membership. It took me about 2 months to gain back the strength that i had lost over that time period, which was about as long as I'd stopped working out. First two days i was back in the gym I dryheaved. Anyways, I've got some goals in mind for what I wanna do over the break. First and foremost, I need a haircut, and I need to go clothes shopping (I have one pair of pants and it's getting ridiculous at this point), and I also need to go Christmas shopping for my family. My sister is coming home from college tomorrow, so I want to spend time with her, and maybe we can go and do those things together. I've been hitting up some of my friends to see if anybody wants to do anything, and I've already gotten a reply from the friend that I've started to write with, so hopefully I'll have someone to hang out with over this time period too, besides my girlfriend (I don't wanna seem to overbearing / clingy, we've only been together a little over a month). Anyways, regarding not playing games, it's been eleven days already. I've got to say, it really hasn't been hard at all. In fact, I'm really refreshed. I don't know how in detail I went into this, but I've been falling progressively out of love with gaming for the past couple of weeks. I think the longest I went without playing games was just over three weeks, so it's not like this is the longest period I've gone. I've come out to most of my friends about the challenge, and none of them seem to be anything but supportive, despite the fact that they haven't taken part themselves. I'm not trying to force it on them though. I figure if any of them are interested, they'll come to me. Also, one thing I do want to mention, is the dreams. I've already had two nights, in a row, where I've dreamed of playing video games / being inside them. It's a weird mix, but the dreams keep coming back. In the dreams, after I'm done playing the games, I felt this really, really intense feeling of guilt, like I'd failed at being a man or something. But then I wake up, and realize that I hadn't actually been playing at all. I hope playing video games subconsciously doesn't count as breaking the challenge, because it felt pretty legit. Of course, all of the games on my phone and PC are gone (and I don't own any consoles because PC master race of course). But I think the silver lining to all of this is how bad I felt for breaking the challenge, before I came to and realized that it was a dream. It really made me realize that this is something I'm serious about. So I'll hopefully update this in two days, if I have time. Sometimes I just have to stretch it to three, so if I ever don't update this blog, don't think it's because I quit the challenge, it's honestly just because I don't feel like writing sometimes, especially after writing loads of pages in my Journal. Special thanks to Cam and wookieshark88 for the support. Keep up the grind, keep on being strong. Happy holidays people! END.
  6. DAY SEVEN - EIGHT It's kind of weird to think I've already made it this far. Despite having received invitations from friends to play video games, I still haven't given in, and I've just politely dejected. It's strange how surrounded by games I feel, now that I'm not part of them myself though. And I don't mean they're in my immediate access, but just from other people. I didn't realize how many mobile games people just sat around playing in their free time, even in class and WALKING THROUGH THE HALLS. It's crazy! And some people actually pay money for these "free to play" games too, when it's obviously a scam. Anyways, my finals so far have gone fine, and I'm now just down to two last days, three more finals, and I'll be set. I put in a note to receive a bus pass to that I can go home with my girlfriend on Friday, which should be fun (I hope they don't realize I had someone forge it for me, but if so, my mom is in on it so she'll just confirm it for me). Other than that, I've had a sudden desire to start reading more as well. I don't have the time right now, but over the break. Reading was something I used to do a lot of. I'm really thankful my parents got me into reading at a young age, and unlike a lot of other kids, it was never something that I found boring. As I've mentioned before somewhere, I have a very extensive amazon wishlist of books that I haven't read but wish to. It'll end up taking me years to read them all, but I'm going to take a shot as small-chunking away those books for now. I'd list all of the ones I'm currently interested in, but that would take too long. But my basic thought process as to how I'd end up reading them would be by topic, for example, I'd read books on finance, investing, and marketing as a big group, and then books on health and nutrition, etc. Anyways, I've got work due tomorrow that can only be turned in tomorrow, and it's important I get to it if I want to keep my grade in History. Next post might be late, depending on what time I get home on Friday. But I like doing these posts every other day; every day just seems like a little too much for this type of blog. I feel like I can track my progress more accurately if I have longer periods to reflect on. END.
  7. DAY FIVE - SIX Today marks the first day of finals week. I literally don't have time to write about stuff, other than to give a quick update to say that things have been good. My friends haven't been bothering me too much about video gaming, and I'm still not missing it. The dreams of video games have started to go away, and I'm feeling good without them around. Also, just to clarify about the dreams: I wasn't dreaming about playing video games, I was dreaming of actually being IN the video games. So it wasn't like it was just a fantasy of me missing these games and going back to playing them, but like I was actually a part of them. They were pretty awesome dreams, but I still see them as a warning sign to me that this is something that I really need to push for in my life. Or maybe I just need a new bed. I've always had the "hot room" in whatever house that I've lived in, so I'm going to try and sleep downstairs on the daybed to see if I get better sleep. I live in a townhouse that's 3 stories, so it gets really cold downstairs in the winter, but it's still warm at the top of the house, and I hate sleeping when it's warm. I guess it doesn't really help that my fan just broke recently either. On another note, a friend and I started brainstorming a ton of conceptual ideas for a story that we're looking to write. I'm hoping to start getting to work on it next week when the break starts, or potentially even this week, because we have shortened school days with finals going on. I'm excited to have something to do that's creatively challenging, and not just challenging in the sense that I have to shoot some dude in the head before he shoots at me back. It's been almost a week, and I still have a long way to go. Here's to one more! PS: Cam, I definitely agree. As soon as I graduate, I plan on making that happen in whatever way I can, if I'm not too busy with things like moving and such. But I think I'll be able to manage at least a week or two off, we'll see! END.
  8. The buffet is down the highway, so I can't ride my bike there because there's no sidewalks. I live in the suburbs near a major mall, and I'm in the 8th largest school district in the country, but admittedly, there isn't much to do around here within walking / bike riding distance. The Skatepark got shut down close to a decade ago. The ice skating rink got shut down even longer ago. There's nothing at the mall but clothing stores, restaurants, and the movie theater (which can be fun, but basically just serves as a way for you and your friends to sit around watching TV, on a giant TV). You really need a car to do anything around here. I don't know when it'l happen, but I've always dreamed of travelling around the country. Hopefully it'll happen before I'm 20, because I really want to visit Chicago, Austin, Boston, New York, Manhattan, New Orleans, Denver, Boulder, Las Vegas, San Francisco, and Los Angeles. I don't know exactly how I'm going to make that happen yet, but I'll make it happen. 11 cities. I live frugally enough to figure out how to do that cheaply. I want to really figure out where I want to set down the stick to be home base, you know? I don't want to be stuck in Atlanta forever. It's hot as hell down here, full of racist rednecks, and the traffic to the city is abysmal. The only good thing about living in this state IMO is the hope scholarship, which I'm going to have to work pretty hard to get. It pays for 90% of the tuition cost of any in state college if I'm not mistaken, and all you need to do is maintain a 3.0 average in your core classes to get it (the only problem is that it doesn't count elective courses OR the extra 10 point boost on AP courses, so it's much harder to maintain that 3.0 than it sounds if you're taking all gifted / AP courses). I'm not stoked about having to stick it out in GA for another five years, but hey, if I have the chance at paying 1/10 of what it would regularly cost for a degree, I'm not passing that chance up. And I'm definitely looking at ways to receive early credits so that I can boost my way through school quicker. I'm not about the whole "college life", I just want to get the hell out of the system as fast as possible because I don't really have a choice in the matter. Anyways, that's enough rambling. I need sleep. If anyone has any tips / recommendations on how to travel as a student, or how to travel as a young person who's tight on money in general, I'd love to hear it. I'm not 18 yet so I can't exactly just get up and leave, but when I turn 18, it's going to be one of my major goals. Thanks in advance.
  9. DAY THREE - FOUR It's still been going good. I got a lot of homework done today with a friend over Skype, and I'm gonna keep at it tomorrow. Finals are coming up so I've been trying to get my mind right. I figured that at least for me, the rhythm of my day starts off in the morning. If I can get my morning off to a good start, I more often than not have a very productive day. If I sleep in, and end up having to rush out the door, I usually have a shit day. I've been focusing on waking up earlier and getting ready as soon as I can. I have a morning ritual that I made for myself, however, for the past couple of months I haven't been the best at following it (or at least to its full effect). I'm going to make that my #1 goal for the next month - getting every day started productively. On another note, I haven't been getting the best sleep as it is. I should probably buy a new mattress. But not only that, I've been dreaming about video games. It's not that I have any desire to play them, but I think it's just the shock from not having stimulus from them. I think it might also be having a toll on my mood. First dream was about World of Warcraft; second about Dark Souls mixed with Pokemon. They were pretty fucking awesome dreams, to be fair, but I'm just kind of surprised that I'm actually DREAMING about video games. I didn't know that they were that deeply routed in my subconscious. Anyways, I was planning on going out with my GF today, but she flaked. Apparently she had to go Christmas shopping, which is a fair point. Can't be mad at her for that. Me and my friend Kegan ended up just working all day on finance and pre-cal homework, so at least I got something done. We're thinking about hitting up the buffet tomorrow, but Idk if that'll happen. Neither of us can drive, and we've both gotten to the age where it feels like a burden to ask our parents to drive us somewhere that we might only be at for around an hour. It's only a few minutes away to be fair, but taking two trips to pick us up just seems wrong. I'm currently saving up for a car, so I should be driving before my senior year (in fact I actually have to be, because my school is getting redistricted next year and I'm not transferring schools on my last year of high school). So anyways, life's been busy and stressful lately, but I actually think that the time that not playing or focusing on video games has given me is already starting to benefit me. I just need to work on getting better quality sleep. Also, thanks to Cam and Alex for responding, I'll definitely keep at it and browse the forums some time. And to Cam, I've already started trying to make plans with people ahead of time, but a lot of people are busy around this time with finals, so it's understandable that I don't have much going on but work (along with everyone else). Winter Break is going to be where it's at. END.
  10. DAY TWO (late) So I'll admit that it completely slipped my mind to update this yesterday. I had it open on my computer, and amidst taking a shower, power-napping, and doing other things, I just didn't get to it. It's only 5:20am right now, so I'm making up for it as early as I can. Anyways, it's been 2 full days without games (3 if you really want to get technical) and I'm still feeling it. I'm looking forward to this weekend leading into the break; I think it'll be the real test to see if I'm committed to this. It's easy to say that I "don't miss gaming" when I have a billion other things to worry about with finals and SAT coming up. Anyways, I gotta take a shower. The bus comes in 40 minutes. I'll update this again for day 3 as soon as I get home. END.
  11. DAY ONE So I guess we're off to a good start. I have no games on my computer, and nothing involving games anywhere else. And surprisingly, I don't miss them. Maybe it just hasn't sunk in yet, but I actually think I have a shot at this. I'm tired from school, but with all of the extra time I have off from not watching videos and twitch, I think I'm going to have a much easier time getting my homework done, which in turn will get me more sleep, keep me less stressed, and just make me feel a lot more at ease overall. I've come to wonder about a few things though. I decided to quit playing video games pretty abruptly, only one week before finals start, then winter break (in fact, I played hours and hours of CS:GO only a single day before I decided to do this). And now that I've got all of this free time, I know that I have a lot of stuff that I want to do, but it's like I don't even know where to begin. I'm thinking I should just give myself the rest of the week off to get as much sleep and studying in as possible, and then think about this over the winter break, when I'll have minimal responsibilities, other than looking into college application / scholarship details and preparing to take my SAT. I don't think I'm in the head space, or in possession of the motivation, to start a new hobby from the ground running. I've been on 5 hours of sleep + micro sleeping in class for the past couple of weeks. I need to get this shit handled. I still haven't broken it to my friends that I've stopped gaming. What I'm hoping is that it will just come up naturally. For a while, I can just ignore it and say, "nah, sorry, I can't, I'm busy", but eventually it's got to come out somehow. I did tell my friends Joseph and Alex though, and Joseph at least seemed pretty proud of me (he's not a gamer). Alex didn't' really say anything, probably because he still games a decent bit, but it won't affect our friendship (he played PS4, I always played PC). In fact, in light of breaking this news to them, I asked them if they wanted to go out to eat at this asian buffet that I REALLY like eating at. They both said it would be cool, but not to my surprise, I doubt we'll be going, because all of us have some sort of work / studying / last minute projects to work on before the last week of school. Winter Break is when I really want to hit this shit hard. Anyways, that's been it for me. I don't know how long these posts will be from here on out, but I'm going to try and post every day for the next three months if I can help it. Peace. END.
  12. DAY ZERO Well, yesterday was really day zero, but I was up until 12:00am writing in my journal about my decision to change my life around, so I didn't get to finishing up my "preparations" until today. If you haven't read my introduction, I'd suggest you go to my profile, or I'll link it HERE: http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/353-hey-im-ryan/ So here's what's going on right now. I'm busy with school, so trying to fit in the whole "not gaming thing" has been hard, and I'm writing this quick, because I have homework to do. I've already rid everything on my computer and phone of everything game related. That includes: YouTube Subscriptions (gone), Twitch (all subscriptions, apps, and bookmark gone), Twitter (followers involved in gaming, gone), amazon gaming wishlist (gone), game deal website bookmarks (gone), all gaming desktop backgrounds and profile pictures / google chrome theme (gone), and finally, all games, and game services (steam, blizzard, origin), are all gone. There is no semblance of gaming content within my reach, whatsoever. And I've already let it all go so fast, I wouldn't even know where to go to get it all back. And I've got to admit, I'm fucking horrified. This is the first time in my entire life that I've ever attempted to do anything like this. I've been gaming my entire life, and surrounding and immersing myself in it, and I'm excited, but also, very, very worried. I've already gotten over the idea of "missing out" (primarily on Dark Souls 3), and the "sunk cost" fallacy (including the 24 games on steam I deleted having never played), but what I'm really scared of, or more excited for, is finding out how life is going to be different now. I know it's got to be better, and I'm honestly not sure if I'm ready for that. My life has been so rinse and repeat for so long, that not having these games and this content as a crutch to fall back on in place of creatively driven projects and real social interaction is frightening. I can't just come home, watch YouTube videos, watch Twitch, browse Reddit, and then play Counter Strike anymore. I actually have to do the things I've wanted to do for so long, and maybe I'm just scared it won't turn out how I thought it would. And all of my friends are gamers. Well, at least most of them. And it's not that our relationships are entirely built around gaming by any means, but we definetly DO play a lot of CS:GO together. I still haven't told any of them about my decision, and I think it's going to be a big shock to them (and my family, but I bet they don't really even care TBH, or they just won't believe me), and I don't know how they'll take it. And I don't know how to make new friends very easily, but I guess I'll have to get on top of that pretty soon. And while I say I'm scared, I'm not regretting it at all. My life can't go anywhere but up. I've measured the pros and cons, and the decision was easy. I know that I'm not happy playing games, and by quitting them, I'll: Have more time to spend with my girlfriend, instead of blowing her off to game. Have more time to focus on school, and furthering my education. Having more time to focus on reading, meditation, and nutrition, all things I've been procrastinating on. Finding time to learn Rubik's cube, chess, cooking, and a number of other small skills I've been meaning to pick up on. Fixing my sleep schedule, becoming more present, and becoming more positive, outgoing, and appreciative and excited for regular activities that don't involve gaming was a HUGE motivator for me. Finally, being able to finally put more focus into writing creatively and peruse a *possible* career in creative writing, for either movies, TV, or cartoons, is something I've been waiting to do for a long time (plus, if I collaborate with an artist, or a group of aspiring students on a student short film, that could be a great networking and social activity!). The cons, on the other hand, basically boil down to: having to finally leave my comfort zone, feeling nostalgia, missing out on all of the new games that I'll miss, and missing out on experiences with friends that I still do, whether I like it or not, care about greatly. I'd like for them to come on this journey with me, but there's only so much you can do for someone who doesn't want to change themselves FOR themselves. So yeah, here's to a strong, life changing 90 days, that hopefully, by the end of, will leave me not only exuberant and passionate, but also with no more desire to even play games anymore. And you know what, maybe one day, I'll go back to gaming, in strong moderation, but I doubt it. I've already played multiple lifetimes worth of video games, and for someone like me who has been a part of the gamer culture for almost my entire childhood life, I think this is a good time to close the chapter. Good luck to anyone else on this journey. I'm routing for you.
  13. My name is Ryan Andrew Page, and I'm a 17 year old Junior in high school. My story begins as early as I can remember. My first memory, literally, is of me playing "Super Mario 64", on one of those old TV's with a VHS player built-in. I have literally been a hardcore gamer for my ENTIRE LIFE. I've been through a lot in life, and gaming was always there for me. Video games were there for me through my parents divorce, there for me through my time in the hospital, there for me when I felt lonely, there for me throughout moving four times, going from one school to the next, and more often than not, there for me when I felt bored, and didn't know what else life offered. I've played just about everything you can imagine. Starting from the N64, I moved onto the GameCube, online MMO PC games, the GameBoy Advance, and then onto the Xbox-360, DS, Wii, and finally, for the last 3 years, hardcore competitive PC gaming. I've decided to make a change in my life because I realize now, that growing up, I'm starting to embark on a quest to live the best life I could possibly live. Looking back on my life thus far, it's a whole lot of tragedy and wasted time. And no, I'm not trying to claim that playing video games wasn't fun, because it was. For a long time, coming home, plugging into Call of Duty, Gears of War, Halo, or RuneScape was enough for me to say, "this is it. I'm happy now". But over the last couple of months, the luxury has worn off, and I've finally decided to put my foot down and say that this shit, definitively, 100% has to change. I'm sick of playing video games. I guess I'm just burnt out. Maybe that's just what happens when you literally don't know what it's like to NOT live without them. Unlike others who became addicted during their early teenage years, I was playing games before I could even read the text on the screen. It wasn't just an escape, it was a lifestyle for me. Video games were the tool my parents used to not have to get involved with me in any meaningful way for a long time, and then by the time they wanted to get me into sports, I was already too opposed to doing anything but game. I vividly remember a gaming session that I had on Call of Duty: World at War, where two of my online friends were in a party chat with me, and one of them said, "yeah, this kid never gets offline. I haven't seen him not playing this game for over three weeks now." At the time, it didn't occur to me that that was actually true. But most of my summers were like this as a little kid. Just a lot of gaming, and not much more. I was never bullied, never socially isolated, and like many other kids, I've had my fair share of self esteem / self image issues, but I've gotten over most of them. I'm happy to say that I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been in a long time right now. I've just started dating my first girl almost a month ago, my grades are decent enough, but I'm still stuck with this last problem: There have been so many things that I've "gotten into", yet never actually started. I've wanted to learn how to solve my Rubik's cube. Yet it's been sitting on my desk for three months, and I still have no fucking clue what to do with it. I've wanted to practice meditation consistently, yet I only do it twice a month at the most, and most of the time I can't concentrate. I want to learn how to play chess, yet I haven't committed to that either. I work out, but only because I take weight training as a class in my school, so I'm forced to go. I usually end up sitting around on my ass all break long though, losing gains and losing motivation. I've wanted to do yoga, but I haven't. I've wanted to start reading some of the 184 books I have on my "to read" list, yet I haven't touched a single one. The list goes on, and on, and on. The most frustrating thing that I've put off is my writing. It's my strong suit, and I'd like to call it my "passion", but I don't think I've given it enough of a real "shot" to call it that. I was nominated to a county examination level for my governor's honor's program in English last year, and I've attempted to write a novel in the past, but I haven't touched anything creatively driven in so long I can't even remember. I've had a goal to write a story that I'd look for an artist to turn into a comic, or to write a script for a short film that would be carried out by me, my school's film department, and the theater department (for actors, of course), but I haven't started any of it. And I know the reason why I do this. It's because every second of my days, for the past... while, have been taken up by gaming. It's gotten to the point where I'm hardly even doing my homework on time and I'm barely scraping by with my grades in school. And it's been like this for too damn long. Since the 8th grade, I've put in literally MONTHS of game time playing Starcraft 2, Dark Souls, and the largest culprit, Counter Strike: Global Offensive. Not to mention all of the YouTube content, Twitch Streaming, Twitter Tweets, and Amazon browsing, looking for parts to put into my "ultimate gaming rig". I'm sick of it. I've spent far too long staring into screens, and it's time for me to turn my head to a new mountain; one that isn't made of 1's and 0's. I want my life to have purpose. I want it to have drive. And I'm ready to take it back. I'm ready to implement these things that I've wanted to do for so long back into my life to grow into the strongest, happiest version of myself. And grinding out the Terran ladder, planting virtual bombs, and slaying demons over and over ISN'T WHAT'S GOING TO GET ME THERE. So that's enough rambling. I've been recording in a private blog frequently over the past 3 months in a personal journal of mine, and I'd like to create a new journal on this forum to go along side with that. My regular journal encompasses my day to day thoughts and feelings about life, relationships, and my goals, so I hope that this new journal, and the new chapter in my life that I'm about to start on, will encompass me moving towards those goals, eliminating gaming from my life, and finally finding the passion that I've been longing for but never reaching to grab for all of these years. Shoutout to Cam for opening my eyes and making this possible. I hope that one day I can look back at this as the turning point in my life. CHECK OUT MY PROFILE FOR A LINK TO MY JOURNAL, FIRST ENTRY UP SOON. http://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/354-follow-me-on-this-journey-of-success-ryan-pages-90-day-challenge-starts-now/
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