NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
Mettermrck
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Posts posted by Mettermrck
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Hi all. And thanks for reaching out to me, Hitaru. I played a little on Sunday but it was so...mindless? Like an old cassette player doing its thing, but old and without excitement. A tattered movie script from a decade ago. Since I've been back at work, I rarely touch games on weekdays. I think about them sometimes, the historical ones. It's not even a craving...it's like the muscle memory of a craving? I mainly listen to history podcasts and read a lot.
I feel like my real hard core addiction right now in my life is fast food, an intensity of 11 on a scale of 10 vs gaming's 4-6? It feels like cheating sometimes trying a video game detox when I have worse issues...like rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic?
Or maybe that's the point. Work on the area I have more confidence about...achieve a tangible success and build on that?
Sometimes it feels awkward being on Game Quitters and talking about other things. Like "you really should be on Fast Food Quitters, Bob"! If it existed. And when you're 40 and many others are in their 20s or lower, you feel...silly? Like life is leaving you behind?
But I need to start somewhere, darn it! If I'm so cocky about how weak my gaming addiction is right now, then let's man up and prove it! I'll let the other stuff fall into place as I go...
Breathe....since I didn't play yesterday, I guess this is day 2. Bam? =)
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Whee, third time's the charm for detoxing. Actually, I feel better about this time. I've lost some interest in gaming in a natural way though I still get a tug when it comes to the historical grand strategy games.
Sometimes it seemed like I was playing games out of habit or holding on to a past image of myself, particularly with the fantasy/rpg genres.
Anyhow, a month ago, my laptop's motherboard died. I had left it on overnight all the time to download games, overheating it. It took 4-5 days to repair, giving me a forced break. I thought about detoxing at that time and managed to stretch it to 11 days before giving in.
My life had hit rock bottom as I've mentioned. I lost my job and was on disability for a few months with depression and diabetes. And my wife and I separated in early Sept. I was screwing up our marriage, spending money on eating out and gaming and tuning her out. I live next door with my Mom and still take care of our pets, so it's not really a total separation. It's a chance to get my act together. In this state you have to separate a year before you can divorce. So consider this a last chance for me to get off my butt.
Some good news...I do have another job and am in my second week. It's comparable to my last one in duties, income, and benefits. And I do not want to blow it.
So I think this time I can do the gaming detox and get some momentum going in my life. My other area to fix is my soda/fast food habit which is probably the worst area for me. I'll be battling that too in this thread but gaming is the focus.
I'm ready to do the 90 days. Day 0 = today. Bam.
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Eight months yuck. My life is on the brink and I really need to start over. I lost my job and am on disability for depression/diabetes and could not perform my job. My marriage is on the brink. My wife is burnt out from my crap and wants a separation. I game, I eat, I spend, rinse and repeat. I want to quit games right now and do something about my fast food habit too. Cam, I can't find my Respawn guide. Anyway you could resend to me? Mettermrck@gmail.com
Well, I need to knuckle down and start things over. Help!
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I've gotten into podcasts myself. You can subscribe to podcasts in subjects you're interested in or want to learn more about. I listen to primarily history podcasts with some philosophy and foreign affairs. There's also spiritual, science, etc podcasts. I've found it breaks up the monotony of long gaps that I just can't fill with reading.
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Ok, finally! I did Respawn step 1 and deleted my games. And not just uninstalled Steam, but sabotaged it using the procedures in the guide (w/ guerillamail). I felt a little twinge of regret, but not that bad. I'm sure it'll hit soon enough.
So this journal isn't quite a grand story of transformation, at least not yet. It's more fits and starts so far. But sabotaging Steam is more than I did last year, so I'm already in uncharted territory.
Now on to Respawn step 2. Alternative activities. I'm not sure exactly where these land (mentally engaging, social, etc.) But here goes:
Reading - if I don't play games, I am a voracious reader. I read historical, which is mentally engaging, and I read fiction, which is resting.
Podcasts - I listen to 15+ podcasts, most of them historical with occasional foreign affairs and philosophy. I'd say mentally engaging and resting.
Exercise - like last year, walking in the morning with slow gradual buildup. I was up to an hour daily last year, which is a good starter goal. I was also starting with a few push ups (on my knees to start as I'm a big boy) and sit ups. But I'll start with walking to make the goals simple and achievable. Active activity.
Meditation - this will be invaluable as unlike last year, I'd like to avoid religion if I can, at least for now. Religion became a secondary addiction last time, especially in the study of it. The endless arguments and debates burned me out. I need a break. I'm not sure of my method. I used to do "centering prayer", which is easily adaptable to a less religious context, since it's basically a mindfulness meditation using a sacred word rather than breathing. And a sacred word doesn't have to be overtly religious. I did this 20 min 2/day. I'd like to resume this. Resting activity.
Journaling: to help process what I'm going through. There will be this daily journal obviously, but probably a private one for more personal thoughts. Not sure...resting activity?
Other ideas:
Learn a language - probably Latin
Social - dates and travel with wife boardgames, etc visits with family. Social will be my biggest challenge. I don't think I've had a non-work friend in a very long time
Sport - when I get in better shape I'd like to take up hiking. Ive.thought about fencing but I'm not sure if 40 is too old.to start hehe.
Cooking - I'd love to learn to cook better food. Not fancy, just good stuff. Maybe.take a class, not sure. I go out to eat too much. Cutting soda will definitely reduce fast food.
Writing - I used to write short poems in a little notebook in college. I have a crude, half-written historical fiction novel set in the late Roman Empire. I'd like to maybe pursue a writing project or maybe a podcast. But these are all future goals.
My Degree - never finished, big regret. Took a few classes in the last few years, but I've spent potential tuition money on games and fast food.
Debt - see above unfinished degree
Well, for the third time, tomorrow is Day One. But I think it's going to take. Steam is dead. Long live my life!
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Welcome, John! I just turned the 'dreaded 4-0', so you're not alone! Yes, I cut my chops on the Atari and the Texas Instruments computer (old alert!). It's a struggle which I'm going through myself, but well worth it. I like how you say you want a great rather than okay life. I don't entirely regret gaming, and I had a lot of good times. But I want something better than that.
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I sometimes think this as I too play PC games for the story. I often tell people that some games have better stories than many books and movies (think Mass Effect, Assassin's Creed etc). I have, on occasion watched videos of games if I got stuck and want to know how the story turns out. I have a harder time watching entire playthroughs, as I get that itch to not just watch the story, but be IN the story. Also, I try to watch cut scenes only, but a lot of the story is right in the gameplay and that feeds that itch. It's a struggle, that's for sure.
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I've struggled with depression and fear of death since I was really young. I can remember lying on my dead in the dark when I was made 7-8, trying to imagine what non-existence felt like. Silly, I know, but that heaviness has always sat in the background all my life. I'm not sure gaming was a search for meaning for me as much as an escape from meaningless. Good luck....
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Ok I'm hooked bad if I can't even make it past day 1. I have a real problem with addiction if I can't get this far. Tom, my attempt last year to quit games failed when thought I could get back into games "only" to help inspire my historical writing. Wrong! And having Steam still out there to reinstall made it easy. What disposable email service did you use? It's a drastic step, I know, but I'm struggling. The calendar sounds like a great idea.
To move past games, I will need to eventually find outlets for my historical passion.
Ed, I'm thinking whenever I use passive instead of active writing, I'm showing exterior locus of control? Makes sense. Not to be controversial, but I wonder if practicing religion last year somewhat heavily made me even more passive, feeling subject to external forces. Even that last sentence or two sounded passive haha. But I know, I need to take ownership of my problems, accept responsibility, and deal with them.
40 needs to be THE year!
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Boy that streak didn't last long. I'm not sure Day 1 even started officially!
By the time I woke up, Steam was installing my games and I was back to it. Is it a relapse if you never started? Tomorrow I turn 40. Who knows,.maybe the halfway point. Do I want to play games and guzzle soda years from now, full of regrets? I know the gaming hurts me when I miss work to play. My wife tells me to just quit soda and keep gaming. The latter, she says, isn't as bad as the soda. I disagree. I think they're both destroying me along with the porn.
Sigh, deleted the games and Steam again. I want it to take this time! It was an agonizing decision, like pulling a clinging howling beast out my chest. Like stripping away all escapes, all fantasies, all illusions between me and my life's troubles. But maybe that's the point...
Ok, Day 1...take two
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Not sure if you're still around, Colonel, but wanted to let you know I'm just joining this community at 39 years old going on 40 next week. It's never too late! Surely we're only at the halfway point!
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Day 1:
Today almost wasn't Day 1. Tomorrow was supposed to be. I was in the process of reinstalling some computer games I had uninstalled yesterday (in yet another "quit fit"). My birthday is on the 8th so I typically buy my computer games off Steam and Gamersgate during the Black Friday sales. Once again I struck gold: Assassin's Creed Rogue AND Unity for 50% off. Thanks, Mom!
For a history buff, playing historical computer games, whether story based, tactical battles, or grand strategy, is history coming alive. But anything good can be overdone.
I first seriously quit computer games last year, where for maybe 10 glorious weeks, I quit computer games and soda (thus practically eliminating fast food). I began to walk, got up to an hour a morning, and lost 23 lbs in the process. I didn't take sick days at work anymore, I cleaned more around the condo, and just seemed more available to my wife when she wanted to go places.
But I blinked. I missed the old historical games. There were some that actually fuelled my writing, and I could write historical fiction derived from the gameplay. I felt this craving to go back to that, telling myself it was only this one facet, this one tiny piece of gaming just to fuel my writing.
So I gave in. I was giving in on the soda front too and I was getting caught up in religion (which I won't get into). I got overconfident and within weeks I was back to eating and gaming. I tell people I was running for a touchdown, an open field before me, ready to score, no defender around me. And I dropped the ball.
So it's a year later. I'm back to the weight I was before last year's attempt (330 lbs, 6 ft). And even though I now know what I'm capable of when I put my mind to it, I still bargain with myself just to keep a soda or a computer game. I tell my wife those two addictions are my cocaine and heroine. I can be a junkie. I spend money, sneaking around, not telling anyone. I bum money off people, you name it. I get resentful if someone talks to me during my "computer time".
But I turn 40 next Tuesday and I want to stop this behavior. Whether it means no gaming or moderation, I have to do at least the 90 day detox and and see where that takes me. This is a game quitters forum so I'll emphasize that aspect even though I'll be quitting soda again too. It's all lumped together for me. I'll probably get more into my background on future days.
So I stopped the Steam installations, and made today Day 1 after all! I had to start somewhere. Thanks for reading what I hope is just the beginning of a transformative journey.
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Sorry for the delay. I'm starting to lean more towards quitting gaming but think I want to start with a 90 day detox beginning tomorrow.
My wife definitely knows about the depths of my gaming addiction. Sometimes it works, where she'll watch TV shows that I don't like yet she does, while I play my games next to her. But other times it's a problem. If she calls on her way home from work while I'm playing a computer game, I can get irritable and distracted as she's "cutting into my computer time". We joke about it sometimes, but I don't like how I get.
The spending doesn't help either. I tend to buy games off Steam when they're on sale and it drives her nuts as i buy games even before i finished the old ones! Setting limits doesn't seem to help, as I go over it or else during the rest of the day, all I think about is my next gaming period.
I have health issues with diabetes, etc., which is driven by my soda/fast food addiction and not helped by hours of gaming. Should I journal when I do the 90 day detox? Thanks for your advice everyone!
Bob
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Yes, I love the Hardcore History podcast and listen to some other historical podcasts as well. I managed to quit computer games (and soda) for almost three months last year. I walked a lot and lost over twenty pounds. I think I got over excited and let down my guard though. It's been hard to try again as I gained all the weight back and it's hard to reclaim the same ground all over again.
I also had trouble finding alternatives to gaming. Reading books helps, but I can't read 3-4 hours a day hehe. Maybe I can supplement it with podcasts. I just have to watch it. Sometimes podcasts on a particular timeperiod can trigger an urge to play a computer game set in that era!
I do think about how to express my passion for history without games. I used to be heavily involved in a community of gamers who played historical computer games. It was easy to be tied into a community of both gaming and history. But I was also overweight and spending hours on that website. Not healthy. I'd like to find community to fuel my passion without luring myself back into gaming.
I've been considering the 90 day detox actually, sort of a compromise between moderation and abstinence. Maybe that'll help me sort out my thoughts. I appreciate your thoughts!
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I'm actually battling several addictions that I'm trying to get rid of, including soda, fast food, and computer games.
I'm 39, I never finished my degree, I'm severely overweight and I spend a lot of my free time playing games. I am married and I do have a full time job, but I struggle with both since I call out sick a lot and I spend a lot of money on my addictions.
I've battled major depression and anxiety all my life and since dropping out of college, it's been a long, exhausting, off and on war with my habits - the weight, the gaming, etc. I win some battles, lose others, and don't make much headway.
Part of me wants to break with computer games because I want to transform my life, and not just tinker with it. I've already committed to a no-soda policy, now I'm arguing with myself over the gaming.
What holds me back is that is that I am a serious history buff. I'm not sure how many former wargamers we have on here, but historical and military computer games taught me a lot of history over the years and helped fuel my passion for the subject. Playing a good strategic war game brings history to life, and helps you visualize the battle, the map, etc. I've actually written historical fiction using gaming experiences as inspiration.
So it's hard to walk away. I don't know if I'm rationalizing or not. I'm good at deceiving myself. Anyhow, I figure this forum would be a good place to start to sort out my thoughts. Hello all!
Captain Taru's Log: Out of the Fog
in Daily Journals
Posted
Hitaru, you pulled me back, my friend. And you've come a long way, judging by the size of your journal. And you've inspired me to get back to work invmy own journey. Thanks for your kind email. ???? I'm going to start reading through your journal to see how you did it. Thanks again...