taichi

Laughed hard at that. That must have been great. I'm weirdly inclined to say a hilarious gig is worth foot pain, but as your foot seems to be in a really poor state, please take good care. I'm sure nobody gets pissed off over such an appropriate police call. Good luck on the cleaning up but be really careful about your foot!

Feeling gloriously peaceful again. At least this euphoria feels better than a sob.

That great feeling last morning faded away as the day went by and I was feeling a sob in the evening. Maybe I should be the most careful about mood swings. Keep them manageable.

You remind me how grateful I am for what Cam has created. When it comes to addiction, knowledge is the most powerful & radical cure. Without Cam's work, I might still be without this knowledge - deep in depression, swinging blindly between addiction's heavy gloom & withdrawal's fierce stress. Just saying "I am a gaming addict" made so much fall into place for me. I'm hoping the forum will be of great help to you too! Good luck?

I'm feeling really good today. This is the best I've felt in the morning for a long while. Looking back at this post, I see what I need to be careful about. 1. The right amount of exercise really makes me feel great. Only the right amount is very very little! 2. Maybe ejaculate once a week and keep it at that. I masturbated on Monday but still feeling full of energy today. 3. Being open to family has really helped. Even if they are acting impatient, explain my situation patiently. And then they may or may not listen, it doesn't really matter. 4. I have a modest action plan for my recovery, so that's rid me of any guilt. I am changing what I can change. 5. Having low confidence isn't bad in itself. Maintaining the "Beginners' Mind" in all situations is the key to bringing happiness to people & myself. 6. Having an argument with that person somehow attracted a new potential friend to me. The world is clearly not full of douche-bags, so I should keep speaking my mind.

ASD communication training was really great. The conversation is patient-lead, so need to bring notes on what my communication-related struggles are. Listening to somebody with similar struggles felt very unsettling. Now I look back there was much common ground to be explored, but I kind of shut myself off.

Glad you're alive and well ? I hear being sick as a foreigner in Japan can be quite expensive, tough luck for you there. My counsellor gave me this exact piece of advise just today. One thing at a time.

The university counsellor pointed out a bipolar-like manic tendency in me, and advised me to work on things one by one, instead of phoning every support quarter all at once. I'm amazed at how brilliant & helpful this was. Decided to focus on the ASD communication training + seeing the psychiatrist every other week for now.

The weather was exceptional today. Went to the park and let my body soak up the sunshine. Feeling content and peaceful.

My urge to game is pretty much non-existent. I suppose I'm quite a lucky addict, in that the kind of game that I liked to play is rapidly disappearing from the market. *mild trigger warning (because I talk about a genre) Even the one I was playing until this February - March wasn't really perfect to me: The sexualized female characters were getting really annoying. Being picky about unnecessary gender bullshit can help if you're quitting games.

@30_yrs_of_gaming The quote is from Your Brain On Porn, a website by Gary Wilson dedicated to internet porn addiction. I also recommend his book of the same title!

I contacted my university counselling service because this anxious feeling is getting out of hand. Also found a government-funded support centre for connecting social recluses like me to society. Maybe have a look tomorrow. I should take advantage of every bit of help society offers.

I am feeling like shit. Let's try to break it down. My Sunday jog was far far too much for me. Still aching all over. --> Stretch and rest. Having two wanks the day after jogging was a terrible idea. My energy is yet to come back. --> Take a few days to replenish. Pretending that I'm feeling better around my mother is really taxing on my emotional energy. --> Talk. I'm feeling guilty for being in this home everyday paying nothing. --> Rest and self-care is top priority now. Also this sounds a lot like depression so maybe tell psychiatrist. I have very low confidence in my personality since my girlfriend told me I lack empathy. --> ASD communication training will help. I feel like the world is full of douche-bags and nothing's going to get any better. --> Don't read that toxic blog ever again. Don't argue with that person ever again.

My psychiatrist recommended me their ASD communication training group. Going first time next Tuesday. Looking forward to sharing with people with similar difficulties. The program is covered by welfare so that's great too.

I'm seeing my former psychiatrist once again tomorrow. It's been 22 months since I quit his psychotherapy sessions. Thinking about working with a different counsellor this time, someone I feel I can be vulnerable with. Not really sure how I find that person.

Tried some jogging with a friend. Running outside feels nice. Now I'm really shattered but in a nice way.

Looking to try doing a few squats whenever I feel motivated. My muscles are screaming for some action. Well I'm going to pretend they are.

I suppose the brain's rewiring is going to take more than just a month. I've been a game addict/internet bingemonkey since the age of 11. Addiction's symptoms include an intensified stress response, which does explain how overwhelmed I feel about basically everything. It's gonna take time, a whole lotta precious time.

Since mother returned to work on Tuesday, I am increasingly anxious about my being home everyday, exhausted from the simplest of tasks.

Me and my gf are joking around about my narcissism, "(Insert kind words)" - "Oh you are so manipulating me." A pretty sinister thing to be joking about. Right now we are both sceptical about my ability to love, and I hope to prove these doubts to be wrong. "Flow" state in being kind sounds like somewhere I would like to be every moment. Also sounds a bit manipulative. I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE.

30 days gaming/YouTube/porn free ?

This is the most interesting thing I have ever written. I totally relate to what I am saying, but also recognise the underhanded psychological abuse I was making that day. Being more kind to her was simply not an option in that moment. Now I am doing just that, being more kind, although this kindness is maybe 25% heart-felt. That needs to be 100%. How could I be empathy-sick when she was feeling a lack of empathy from me? That sounds like a riddle but a logical answer is that my empathy threshold was extremely low. How was I concentrating on how I could make her comfortable, when she reported the exact opposite? Probably because I was projecting my own downfalls onto my girlfriend. Yes, I really need to know what I am feeling. I need to distinguish what I am feeling from what the other person is feeling.

Abstention! Head keeps whining, mood keeps swinging, All the symptoms! Calf keeps aching, can't be standing, Yeah, yeah, yeah... Oh my body is fucked. That is Sloan's "Keep Swinging (Downtown)" by the way.

Meditation and exercise are things I need to have in my life. Let's try them bit by bit.

A few days ago, I was sure mine had ended too. I am forever grateful for her caring love.