Jump to content

NEW VIDEO: The EASIEST Way to Stop Gaming

thehondasc00py

Members
  • Posts

    244
  • Joined

  • Last visited

Posts posted by thehondasc00py

  1. 2 hours ago, Mimetic said:

    I really like your journal. You express so much energy and optimism. Also i liked the word cockblocker lol. Never heard that before. :P

    Thank you. I do my best to provide value not just to myself, but to anyone reading. I'm a passionate writer and enjoy bringing my internal world into the external. Here's another one: what do you call a cockblocking vampire? Count Cockblockula

    Gaming: Day 86
    Media: Day 16

    Went to a friend's today and we celebrated Thanksgiving (a bit late). It was good to socialize. Being surrounded by people, just spacing out, having some laughs, it feels like recharging batteries. Let myself go on the food though. As the evening droned out my frontal lobe drained out and I eventually tucked into some scrumptious apple crumble so there goes my ketosis lol.

    Ah well. Thanksgiving spirit I guess. Again, it's easy to take myself serious and get spun up in narratives, so nevermind that.

    Not sure if I want to trip again tomorrow, I'll see how I feel but won't force myself. I definitely have everything I need right now, but I feel my regular trips are really purifying stuff out of my psyche. I remember Tuesday's Zen state post trip, was the most amazing state I've ever been in. The thing that honestly made the most sense at that time was just saying peace out to this life, traveling to Japan and enrolling into a Zen monastery to properly cultivate that presence. At the same time I knew I don't need to be in a monastery to fucking observe, it's just harder and slower in a fast-paced, chaotic society life.

    In any case, a friend is coming over tomorrow evening (maybe I'll trip come morning) to do some Uni work together and we'll go to the Cinema to see the Agatha Christie movie I've been quite wanting to see. Won't count that in my media detox. Watching media alone and in my apartment is banned.

    There was something else on my mind that needed expressing but it seems I've forgotten.

    Oh yeah, got it. Pickup. I've dropped the ball hard. Don't feel motivated to take the train into town and hit the club. 

    I'm juggling a bunch of shit again.

    1. contemplation, meditation
    2. university
    3. my blog, producing music
    4. earning money
    5. Game (pickup)

    Pretty much in that order of priority I guess but it's juggling nonetheless. That's what makes real advancements in any one area hard. Inability to specialize and focus on one thing.  And it takes a lot of extra mental effort to juggle.

    And yet, when I looked at the couples today I was reminded that I want relationships with girls. I still have an unsatisfied need for sex (was horny af yesterday), having a girlfriend would be useful for connection and togetherness - needs, developing my skill and experience in Game transfers to a lot of other areas of life.

    So yeah, I'm juggling but none of the balls are really developing as much as I want them to. Next weekend I'm forcing myself to go out and Game for sure, fuck this.

    Also, I realised I want to start earning some money. I'm sick of being broke af. I'm putting an end to it.

    2 months ago I bought 150Euro worth of bitcoin. Spent it all back then, checked yesterday and those 150 would today be 350. Yes, 350. It literally went up more than double.

    So, that's annoying, but I realised I can apply my skills to investing. I want to research and learn it for some passive income. I just need capital first. I'm going to start by hustling on Fiverr. It's a website for small online gigs between buyers/sellers. I'll offer English-German translation services and whatever else I can think of. I'll have to browse more and try and find other writing gigs or whatever. I have a lot of useful skills just no references sadly but have to start somewhere. Hustle, build capital, then invest and put an end to this annoying scraping along month to month.

    • Like 1
  2. Allow me to reiterate. My Flow is not the flow state commonly referred to when talking about focused, productive states well known throughout self-help and psychology.

    This emotional/mental state is just another form within Flow, with a capital F. It's just a state, it's impermanent, while Flow is the impermanence itself. I really only mean the impermanence driving everything. You don't have to be in a flow state to witness Flow. Unproductivity is also Flow, chaotic thoughts are Flow. It can always be witnessed just by stepping back seeing things move/change. Basically, just movement, nothing more. So I still think we're just using different words pointing at the same thing. Interesting that you mention pressure and implosion/explosion. It seems everything is constantly expanding and contracting. Stars (thermal energy, gravitation), atoms (momentum, electrostatic attraction), breathing (belly expands, muscles contract), thoughts (chaotic thoughts flying in all directions vs concentrated focus pulled into one point). I've had the thought that I've had two drives pulling in opposing directions - higher self pulling towards growth, lower self pulling towards safety, and the friction/pressure created in the middle arose as emotion like fear. But perhaps this is just the human conceptualization of causality you mentioned.

    You say you want to be free of being at the mercy of anything in your mind. If you are none of the things arising in the mind, what do you think are you?

    • Like 1
  3. Real spiritual maturity is not about becoming a serious adult, but reembodying the playfulness, detachment and curiosity of a child.

    Taking yourself seriously? Bah, that's easy. In fact it's ego's favorite game.. Not taking yourself seriously? Now we're talking. This is where the freedom and the wonder lie.

    • Like 3
  4. Gaming: Day 85
    Media: Day 15

    Zen on Tuesday

    On Tuesday, I found Zen. To ground my insights and transcend some remaining fears around psychedelics, I ingested 2 grams of psilocybin cubes.  Proceeded to seek out fantastical voyages, cosmic escapades and earth-shattering Truths.

    I found fuck all.

    I sought, and found nothing but the present moment. It was beyond my wildest expectations, because it wasn't an expectation at all. The plants had made it quite clear: I had been silly, a futile attempt to begin with. Everything was right here, right now. Right here, right now.

    Feeling somewhat silly, and very much humbled, I spent the rest of the trip sitting in silence, observing the present moment. And there was nothing more to it.

    A recreational tripper would have called it a completely underwhelming and disappointing trip, but to me, it was profound. The plants had made it quite clear: stop taking yourself so damn seriously. I had wanted insights about my life, and was told to just observe and live my life.. Sit your ass down and look at what is. And what is Now, is all you will ever need. That's empowering.

    Humbled and empowered, at first glance a strange combination, yet it made perfect sense.

    And then Zen made perfect sense. I got up and started to cook. When I was cutting up vegetables, I was cutting up vegetables. When I walked to my desk, I walked to my desk. When thoughts arose in my mind, thoughts arose in my mind.

    It was so beautifully simple, and profound. It was all seen as Flow, right now, like on a screen. Nothing was held on to, no additives needed.

    Chaos on Wednesday

    What followed the next day as a reaction to the trip was the most brutal monkey mind. Thoughts and dialogue exploded in all directions. Very ungrounded. Yet, a subtle shift had occured. There was still a small sense of...oh, ok cool. Thoughts are happening.

    Received the genius idea to do a dynamic meditation. Got shown this thing once when I stumbled upon a hippie festival during my travels. Basically, you shake, vibrate, jump and breathe for 15 minutes, this brings repressed subconscious baggage and emotions to the surface. Then you scream, and shout, and let it all out. Then you dance for 15mins. It's actually a bit longer and even more intense but I did a short version for at home. If anyone wants to check it out (I HIGHLY recommend, it's phenomenal) google "Osho Dynamic Meditation, or Osho Kundalini Meditation", the lighter version.

    Anyway, doing this, whatever had been shaken loose onto the surface, was expressed and released. Afterwards, I felt incredibly grounded and fantastic. I made sounds I never thought I could make, and could not care less.

    Went into town into a bar with an international meetup. Approached and conversed with tons of people, practiced my spanish. It was tons of fun. I was incredibly loose and at ease and enjoying myself immensely.

    Bleh on Thursday

    Felt unproductive and ego-backlashy. Hung on my mobile phone a lot->Suffering accumulated. When I was finally ready to put down the phone for good and contemplated, I quickly realized something..

    "Oh, this suffering, my suffering, why is it here..hmm whatever could have caused this..I feel sad, oh oh"

    SMACK. Oh wait. I've been identifying with it. I've been spinning narratives again. How silly! All those stories, all that grasping..Wake up.

    In the moment it seemed so incredibly funny that the suffering was utterly replaced by joy and spontaneous bursts of laughter. I fell back into Zen, into observation. Nice. The lesson sticks.

    Friday is Sighday

    Sigh, said I would finally getting to writing some blog entries, did not. It's cool though. Will do tomorrow fo sho. Did a lot of Chemistry today. The good thing is that I'm motivated to completing this Semester again, also had a surprise mock exam in Cell Bio with the additional surprise of me actually getting most answers correct. Reassuring, I've totally got this.

    Aight, much to do over the weekend. Shall report back.

     

     

  5. Laney has an interesting character description, I think I like her. She lacks a few points in mmorpg-detachment but is quite adept at the skills brutal self-honesty and creative forum posts. Sounds like a very engaging character. Would I be Primordial Consciousness sitting at Character Select, I would have no qualms about choosing Laney as my Earth-Life-Character.

    Good work on uncovering your core self-beliefs. I have found some deep shit down there too. I think in this weird society that completely outsped poor old evolution, we all have a deep and intimate sense of unworthiness, of not being enough. We need success, we need love, we need validation, but the inner void remains, covered up by all the banality.

    Some questions to ask yourself about every belief:

    • where did this belief originate from? Was there some experience, some point in time, that caused me to adopt it? Was there something I was not understanding about reality that caused me to adopt this belief in the absense of understanding?
    • do I know it to be inherently true? or is it merely an assumption?
    • Is this belief part of me, do I need it, or can I imagine a reality for myself where I persist and thrive, but without this belief? 
    • What is this belief really? What grounds it, what's behind it? What role does language play in my perception of this belief? Could it ultimately be groundless?

     

    • Like 1
  6. I like your raw, visceral style of writing. What you call Chaos I call Flow but it seems like the same kind of idea. Everything is always in movement. Only the present moment exists, continuously being relegated to new movement in the form of memories within the new present moment. Emotions, flow upon the body. Thoughts, flow within the mind (whatever the fuck that is).

    No object is constant, every object dies and is reborn in every moment, it is only us perpetually overlaying our memories, our labels, our "knowing" of the object onto the perception of the inherently meaningless object that sustains the illusion that the object is somehow a constant in time and space.

    Good shit, keep up the contemplations.

    • Like 2
  7. Naxxanar was merely a setback.

    Man, I really feel your last post. 

    20 hours ago, Shine Magical said:

    Overall, I feel like I was reminded of something I had forgotten, my attitude towards marijuana and video games are the same because they are fairly interlinked: do your best to completely abstain, until you can no longer take it and give in, after which your goal should be to get on track as quickly as possible and remember to treat yourself gently throughout the process because if these are your greatest vices then you’re already in a great place.

    Can relate. I have not found a solution to this conundrum yet but I really feel there is one and I'm getting closer. Memories play into it, nostalgia, beliefs around our core identity formed during gaming times, and then of course escapism. 

    The secret, I have found, is to not take yourself so seriously. Meditation, in particular Zen for me, has proven an incredibly valuable ally. I will find myself suffering, and ruminating, and generally wallowing in my own misery, then boom. Ah, I remember. I'm spinning narratives. These are stories. These are past memories. I'm not my thoughts, I'm not my emotions, they are simply paintings on the canvas of my body. It's impermanence, it's flow. Why identify with them? Why grasp on to them? Observe and detach.

    Welcome back. Whatever transpired, you are 2 months wiser.

    On 11/10/2017 at 4:45 PM, Shine Magical said:

    What are ways that I can be like a priest class video game character but in real life? They have nothing to do with religion.

    Love this lol. Minimalism and classical music are the shit. Who is your favorite composer?

    Some more ideas:

    • give homeless people some food or tea then buff them with Power Word: Shield
    • do some chanting or singing in/after the shower. For real, this really opens me up and gives me a more resonating voice
    • ask random people on the street if they want to join your religion

     

  8. Hello there,

    I'm interested in your experience of returning to games, since most reports of that kind talk about completely crashing and going on full blown binges but it seems you managed to moderate if somewhat inefficiently for your life. Nevertheless, do you regret relapsing, feel neutral about it, or are you happy you did?

  9. I encourage you to start with daily updates. A journal entry serves as a self evaluation, reflection, subconscious expression, and reminder all at the same time and only takes 10 minutes. It's certainly the highest value/time spent activity you can do, atleast at the start.

    That being said, open yourself up to the loneliness. Yup it hurts, but see if you can learn to feel it on a deeper level, energetically, like you're tasting it, and embrace it. This will diffuse the suffering associated with it. Suffering is pain x resistance. 0 resistance, 0 suffering.

    No kidding, there's a long road ahead, sure. But the road is satisfying, and consistent. One step at a time m8.

    Look forward to hearing your progress.

    • Like 1
  10. Gaming: Day 81
    Media: Day 11

    Birthday entry mofuckers

    Tripped on mushrooms again last night. Beautiful and transcendental, but ultimately not to last. What's there is always there, but the ego comes back and covers it up. My work continues.

    Got some Uni work done today which is good. I must not slip up my Uni because of this writing gig. I do want to be a writer, and will probably terminate this course after this semester and either try and go straight into work, or find another program that utilises my creative talents more. But I should atleast pass this semester, get the credits, get the credentials, get the financial bonus my parents have put up on offer, it can only help.

    I contemplated a few more sticking points last weekend but keep forgetting to upload here. Some more stuff about WoW attachment was revealed. In a nutshell: it also fulfills the need for connection and acknowledgement. As a guy living alone, I do feel that pang of loneliness/isolation after a weekend spent working alone and in my room. I've come to embrace it, but I realised something. Were I in a tribe like it was evolutionarily intended, sitting at the campfire, surrounded by my tribe etc naturally those feelings would not arise. WoW passes off as a kind of surrogate - in that world, you are surrounded by likeminded players, and, eg when questing, you are constantly acknowledged by NPCs, funny as that sounds.

    Anyway better go work on my website a bit now, then go home and COOK. I'm ravenous, as I'm only eating one meal a day atm. Feels great though and saves money.

    To commemorate my 20th birthday, I want to list my achievements dear to me from the past year. Because I really don't give myself enough credit.

    • traveled solo for 3 months through Asia with nothing but my backpack and a little cash
    • hiked up Java's tallest summit solo and in half the usual time
    • went from a socially anxious people pleaser to a socially confident guy who knows his value and needs no alcohol to party or socialize effectively
    • dropped a ton of emotional baggage and limiting beliefs
    • faced loneliness, fear, isolation, even death (tripping) and came out stronger and wiser
    • detoxed from video games for 81 days and even all entertainment now for 11 - would not have done it without discovering this community, thanks Cam
    • started to transform the way I communicate into much more open, honest and fun 
    • did some cool little comfort zone challenges like stand still as a stick in the middle of a club dancefloor for 10 minutes, dancing in public, etc
    • created some cool music and became much more expressive and creative
    • moved out, set up a fantastic apartment
    • went from eating a lot of junk and craving food to a 100% clean, paleo, wholefood, nosugar, vegetarian diet -> became much more healthy, fit and energetic
    • set up and maintained a bunch of good habits like running, meditating and stuck with it
    • vastly improved my relationship with my parents
    • became more conscious of what I am and what I want
    • now started to set up my very own website

    And that's it! Cool stuff. Lets make the next year even better, the very best year of my life so far.

     

    • Like 1
  11. Gaming: Day 79
    Media: Day 9

    My dreams were fucking awesome. Probably the best dreams I've ever had. I was flying the world in my hovercraft, trekking through jungles, all of a sudden I was exploring the bloody MOON, and made out with a girl to wrap it all up. Lol. It was all so REAL, and not whacky, bizarre and frankly quite dark like a lot of my dreams are. I can sense lucid dreams are close. Made a new Habit Page for lucid dreaming: every day I will

    • record into dream journal
    • atleast 5 reality checks per day
    • prospective memory exercise every day
    • visualisation exercise every day
    • try WILD every night

    I think the dreams were so real and great because I spent about 2 hours prior to bed in deep meditation. Will repeat tonight if I don't go out

    In other news..

    Fleshed out my website further and added some content plus my first blog post. Exciting! But also a little frightening ;)

    Now, I wonder if this forum supports Signatures so I can shamelessly self promote just a little? I've seen some people having them but too scared to ask Cam hahaha
     

  12. On 11/18/2017 at 2:48 PM, Brad_Hurst said:

     

    @thehondasc00py

    I do actually put my phone on the other side of the room. But I get out of bed and then hop straight back in lol. (The other side of my room is not that far)

    Also do you not start to hate your favourite song if you hear it everyday? :P

    I think I just need to make a habit of as soon as the alarm goes off, I'm out of bed and not getting back in it.

     

    Yeah thats true it would get quite annoying. Plus if the song is catchy it will give me an earworm during meditation which is kind of irritating. So I usually use low intensity classical music. Also if hopping back in is your problem, maybe because the bed is so nice and warm. Make sure to throw on a jumper asap so you dont get cold when you get out.

     

    Edit: haha you puked
    Edit2: LMAO passed out too

    • Like 1
  13. Gaming: Day 78
    Media: Day 8

    I have a lot to report.

    This morning, for my morning contemplation, I decided I wanted to know why I still get urges and images relating to World of Warcraft. I wanted to know "WHY AM I STILL ATTACHED TO THIS GAME". It was bugging me. So I contemplated.

    Quickly, out of my subconscious resevoir of intuition, a story formed. So, storytime.

    Once upon a time there was a boy. He had tremendous creativity, confidence, joy, energy and curiosity inside him. As it happened, however, life threw a certain series of events at him with the result of him moving away from this authentic core being. He lost confidence, he lost trust. He forgot how to be curious, and forgot how to be creative. He withdrew into a bubble of unawareness and lack of purpose, where his talent and creativity was no longer being expressed (he would later learn it was his mission to rediscover these gifts, but that story is for another day). Sometime during this shift, something wonderful had been discovered: World of Warcraft. There are three aspects to this game: the grind, the competitiveness, and the artistry. Now, there were many very creative, passionate people sitting behind this game, turning it into something beautiful, and creative. There were also a bunch of smart people sitting behind this game figuring out how to keep as many people as possible playing. What resulted was a game on the one hand filled with dopamine triggers, reward systems, linear progressions and time gates, and on the other hand with stunning music, immersive atmosphere, inventive content and other awesomeness. The boy became not just hooked to the baseline compelling nature of the game like any other animal responding to reward would, he also became hooked on the competitiveness - finally he could be someone, above others (as he tended to see himself powerless and below others in real life), but above all he became hooked on the CREATIVE aspect. He vastly appreciated the game's art, for his own creativity and inherent inner artist were finally being engaged again. There were other games here and now - LoL: high in progression, very high in competitiveness, but low in artistry, it never kept him. Or Skyrim: medium in progression, 0 in competitiveness, but extremely high in artistry. This made for a much healthier and all in all enjoyable experience, and also never kept him. But World of Warcraft had the perfect balance, the whole package. That's what made it so compelling. So, without anything outside of that grounding him, it was only natural that he would want to spend as much time as possible with the thing providing all that value. It was always on his mind.

    Now, to that, add warm, nostalgic memories, and the sense of immersiveness, safety and distraction it provides: THAT...is attachment to World of Warcraft.

    I get flooded with the deep sense of emptiness, freedom and satisfaction I always get when I deeply contemplate a question, and the answer emerges.

    I realize there was no reason to be annoyed by any urges. Are the thoughts ME? Are the memories ME? No? They are just passing, impermanent forms within experience? Well then just let them pass and do as they please.

    Furthermore, as I could now see, the attachment made perfect sense. It was completely natural. And I'm just a human, a natural animal. Everything is functioning as it should. It could be no other way. So, it's all cool. By the way, apologies if that story is a little dramatic and corny. It just arose and I thought that was cool.

    To the second part of my entry.

    MY WEBSITE IT OFFICIALLY ONLINE.

    Nothing on it yet, but here it is

    Tomorrow Ill flesh it out and hopefully add some content.

    Alright Im packing up, until tomorrow.

    • Like 1
  14. 23 hours ago, giblets said:

    I look forward to seeing your blog take shape! I have heard a lot of my security podcasts say that wordpress is very unsecure, however. I am not swept up on if there are any viable alternatives though.

    That's strange since WordPress is easily the biggest and most popular with 70% of websites and blogs being based on WordPress. If you ask anyone where to open a website, the go to answer will be WordPress (based on my research the past days). Yo thanks for the headsup. For my purposes it will surely suffice!

  15. Gaming: Day 77
    Media: Day 7

    Just spent some more time researching blogging, hosting, etc. I really wanted to set it up today but the hosting site I was going to purchase a domain on says there will be huge sales for Black Friday tomorrow so I will wait until tomorrow then jump into it.

    This morning was spent visualising and I fleshed out what I want to do quite well. I created a VISION. It was awesome. I was on fire man. Now to take action and turn this into actuality..

    IMG_20171123_125944.thumb.jpg.c59bfd11b556ffb4f9d021bc5e783d60.jpg

     

    • Like 1
  16. Gaming: Day 75
    Media: Day 5

    Great day. Contemplated the question "What is Understanding?" Might post my conclusion here tomorrow. I'm going shopping and then yoga now. Fuck I'm hungry, fasted the whole day. Dinner after yoga will be tremendous.

    Thought some more about what I want to do.

    I'm now convinced Applied Biology is not the right program for me. This puts me in a conundrum as I'm in Uni, surrounded by my peers, having responsibilities, but in the back of my head the knowing that I will not complete this course.

    I should still give this semester my best shot due to aforementioned reasons. I already caught myself skipping one class today in favor of contemplation though. Better watch out with that.

    I've just been browsing a couple websites on how to start being a writer. There are multiple websites to find people hiring, even 2 subreddits where people look for freelance writers. I have no portfolio yet though, so I will start there.

    My first step will be to create a blog.

    Not sure what I will blog about yet. Probably personal development/spirituality. Whatever, it won't matter too much. I just need to get something started.

    Then, pitch, pitch, pitch, until I land a gig. Paid or unpaid. Unpaid is fine, just need to get some experience and reference in.

    I will start all of this this week.

    That's all from me today, buy bye.

     

    PS; I came across a competition for the best 100 word fiction short story. First prize is 20 000$!! Lol. Third price is still 1 grand or something. I'm gonna take part. The only problem: deadline is tomorrow. So I need to come up with a fascinating and well written story tomorrow, lol.

  17. For time management check out something called "Parkinson's Law"

    "A task always expands to fill the time it is alotted to it"

    You will be less effective if you don't put a time limit on your tasks. If you give yourself the freedom to take as long as you need, that may well mean procrastination.

    ->Cap the time on your asks. Get a sense of urgency in. I need to work on this too.

×
×
  • Create New...