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Question of the week: What are you grateful for?

iamthemithras

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About iamthemithras

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  1. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Day 29 - April 24 8 PM So far doing great, not getting any cravings any more. I'm actually set on my goals this time - I'm getting better at drawing, still improving but it's much better than before. I got it in my head that I should listen to motivational tapes/videos everyday and I'm enjoying listening to Les brown a lot lately - his words are an inspiration for me. Many times I still have a negative mindset but I'm starting to become more confident and happier. Choosing to be positive and happy became a lot easier by choosing to hear positive messages everyday - now I believe that listening to motivation everyday actually works. I recommend to my fellow game quitters to try this practice, it really helps a lot! Faith comes by hearing and hearing, Les Brown said. I'm about 1/3 of my no gaming detox! Awesome!
  2. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    There's an issue with this website that it keeps logging me out from time to time. The bigger issue is that when it does this, it doesn't post my journal entry that I have been typing for hours! I don't know who designed it but thank you whoever made the site to restore posts that haven't been posted yet.
  3. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Day 21 - April 16 5:30 PM Wow, it's been 21 days with no video games. It's really great that I'm not still not having urges to play again (I'm actually to start think that video games are a waste of my time!) although the headaches still tend to come every now and then. Celebrated by birthday back in April 9. I'm 25 now. It made me depressed to be honest. I remember wishing when I was younger that I would be more successful at this age. But then I started watching videos of Les Brown again, and let me tell you I am so thankful to this man. He truly is the motivator. This man is making me believe in myself. I'm still critical of myself - from time to time I still think of myself If I had decided to get my life in order when I was MUCH younger I should've been a success by now. I won't be broke and still chasing childhood dreams. I realize that I have to forgive myself. How I wasted my life for 24 years is all past. I need to forgive myself for doing such a thing. How did I acquire this negative subconscious? Why do I hate myself so much? I've written down a quote Les said from one of his videos: I don't remember which video it is, but it's great that I had the mind to take down notes when he speaks. Right now I don't have much, and that's how I see it. I don't have money, I don't have a relationship, I don't have internet (I'm always going to computer cafes for internet) I don't have a fulfilling job and fulfilling current situation in life. All I have are my dreams and desire for a better life. I tend to put myself down time and time again - but I also lift myself up right after. Maybe this is a great direction, and I want it to lead where I'm only encouraging myself every day. Right now I remember a line Les keeps asking his audience to repeat: No matter how bad it is, no matter how bad it gets, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it!
  4. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Day 18 - April 5, 2018 3 PM Although I have not been playing video games, I noticed that I'm wasting a lot of my time on recreation - but still not as much when I solely played games. I'm still working on my language learning and illustration. It's not bad. I picked up a great book on how to improve drawing anatomy - for some reason I never liked drawing with guidelines (which I know is really stupid) but I'm really really warming up to it. I'm also currently working again on a fan fiction I sort of abandoned years ago. Lately it was just bothering me that I left it unfinished, I feel like I owe it to myself and the people who enjoyed reading it to see it to the end so I'm making another chapter of it. My birthday's coming up. I'll be 25 this April 9. I really don't want to think about it, but I still feel disappointed in myself as a 25 year old. I expected I'd amount to more at this age, but at least I'm taking care of that now, right? let's keep working on our dreams whatever they are. That's it for now. Wow, 18 days with no video games can you believe that? It feels like it just flew.
  5. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Day 11 - March 29, 2018 6 PM Not really posting so much as I don't spend as much time on the internet as I used to. My study tools are all offline and am only now just logged back in because I wanted to put on my journal here that I still am not playing video games although the temptation lately has been getting stronger, but not something to worry about. There's really not much to mention except that. It's interesting that the less I have to say, the better things appear to be for me in general. I'm just going to be online for a few moments, today's my rest day and I don't have work until tomorrow evening.
  6. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Day 7 - March 25, 2018 10 AM Nothing much to add yet except I am still on track with my language learning. Think I have a very good grasp on katakana and hiragana and am now just starting to study Kanji. Read some articles earlier to have an idea on how to proceed and am getting a book to help learn the 2200 kanji. Life is great with a direction for once. To think I could've used my free time for something like this instead.
  7. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    @Zala Great to be back! Nice to see you still here!
  8. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Day 6 - March 24, 2018 Saturday 11 AM Great progress so far, accounting the headaches I experienced for the past few days. I'm more consistent with my workouts - that is, I don't spend so much time "convincing" or "willing" myself to head to the gym during my gym days. There used to be all sort of negative thinking that's stopping me to go like thinking I'm not seeing progress anyway or thinking I'll never be as big as I want, etc. but lately I'm more excited to go to the gym than I used to and think of myself better - even in the presence of bigger guys at the gym. My mindset is more like "Well, sure those guys are much bigger and better looking than you but, dude, just screw that thinking and focus on your own reps. You'll be big too" I've been listening to Eric Thomas a lot more and am currently committed to be an above-average person. I just love listening to ET, I feel like lately I've been hearing the shit that somebody needed to tell me - what I needed to tell myself, when I listen to him. I can see how I pampered myself and shirked away from the pain of being responsible for my own life. In one of his YouTube videos, he mentioned that you can't be Average and expect to live your dream, get paid to get rich, to be successful. He shared a story about his experience in Dubai where he met an indian man who can speak SIX languages! - he already knows english but he learned the other languages in 4 years. When asked why, he said it's the only way he could eat. Living as a foreigner in Dubai, you have to learn 4 other languages so he can work at the resort he was currently working at. He learned 4 languages because he felt he had to. Right now I'm trying to learn ONE, and also right now I feel I HAVE TO. Speaking of learning, I'm currently using an excellent learning tool for memorizing my kanas. It's highly interactive, and it does the intended effect of making me memorize and recall Katakana and Hiragana very quickly. Days are good, all things considered.
  9. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Thanks @Pierce and @Cam Adair! Just got back and my headaches are getting less painful and frequent. This is with no medicine, but drinking a lot of water and keeping with my workout routine. Psychosomatic is right, it was driving me psycho. I'm better now though, I can roll with it better than the few days ago. I noticed the headaches tend to happen during my free time - Not during work and when I'm at the gym but when I'm at home and usually spending the time playing games like I used to. It's definitely related to gaming.
  10. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Day 3 - March 21, 2018 4 AM After work yesterday, I went straight to the gym and did all my sets to failure as usual. The highlight yesterday was I am now able to bench press 4-5 reps of two 50 lbs dumbells. I'll be sure to bump the weight to maybe 60 lbs after I am able to do 10-12 in the future. This is a good sign because last time I tried two 50s on the bench I can only do one. After gym, I took a haircut and the stylist was a real funny guy. I keep thinking if he was in the same line of work as me as a call center representative, he'd be really successful (then again, I think I remember that being a stylist makes a lot of money - more than I do at least) One thing to mention is I'm getting withdrawal head aches again. I forgot that this happened to me the first time I quit gaming too, the headaches are real bad. This is just after one day of no video games. I thought of sleeping it off the instant I got home will make it better but I'm still having the headaches now. I remember thinking the same exact thing I first started the 90 day detox - as if the lingering temptation to game isn't enough, I actually have to experience sickness BECAUSE of not playing games. What the hell? Anyway, like a migraine is going to actually tempt me to play again. On the contrary, it's making me want to actually not do anything and rest but this is annoying. This is all I have to write at this time. Game addiction is a real addiction with real withdrawal.
  11. iamthemithras

    Relapsed but now I'm back (long post)

    @Chris Thanks for sharing that about your best friend. Whenever I'm in the gym, I keep noticing that I feel bad because the other guys around me have bigger shoulders than I do and some even have their abs showing where I don't. Looking back on it, I know the jealousy is affecting my performance. I'd like to think right now that I started out way weaker and worse looking than I do right now. Recently, people I know even keep pointing out the gains I made where I only focused on how great and stronger the other guys at the gym look than me. I guess it's true, I too want to focus improving and competing with only my own records and limitations right now. Maybe that's the key to reaching my physique goal much faster.
  12. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    @Pierce Thanks for having me! It's great to meet you and see someone else who also recently came back. Thank you! I'm glad to hear that you believe I can do it, haha. It is awesome in a way that as long as we don't forget our dream we can still grow and flourish. I also picked up a habit of listening to great motivational speakers like Eric Thomas, Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale. Right now I'm loving listening to ET. I really think I can do this, thank you very much!
  13. iamthemithras

    Relapsed but now I'm back (long post)

    @Chris Yeah haha, once I get my thoughts in order I really tend to drone on. Many times, out of topic even. I didn't realize I was beating myself up. So, you think I'm too harsh on myself? Thank you for the encouragement, it's really great to hear from someone else that I'm a person with sense in my life and am currently still on the path of my goals. Thank you, I feel I needed to hear that. That's great advice about thinking. I admit, I still tend to compare myself to others especially to those of my generation I know are much more successful than me. I'll also endeavor to see things from a wider perspective.
  14. iamthemithras

    Mithras' Journal

    Attempt 2 Day 1 - March 19, 2018 Here I am starting my journal again. Let's do this. Basically I relapsed because of stress. After that, I thought I'd rather not bother with the no video games ever rule any more and just enjoy life with video games again and not lose my passion. It was okay at first until there came a high point of stress in my life again and I'm depressed again. Next thing I know, I'm playing an online game all-day, having irregular sleep, and feeling like shit. I know I'm addicted and the best option is to rethink my life and my relationship with video games. I made a longer post at the Relapse board, but I'd rather not write everything again. I can only be so willing to write after a while. At the end of writing it all, I remember thinking how lame my goals actually are. I still think it's lame to be honest, but a random poster from tinybuddha.com saved me. Dear reader, I'd like to share something with you real quick: https://tinybuddha.com/topic/think-i-am-giving-up-on-my-dream-and-feeling-lost-and-like-a-failure/ I stumbled upon this post because while I know what my dream is, I feel like it's pretty lame and was searching google and found this. It's a great post, the OP is devastated because to sum it up he basically spent half of his life to work in the games industry as an artist but feel like he has nothing to show for it right now and feel like giving up on it. At first, the replies are pretty negative and some I feel are pretty useless and only made so the person replying sounds wise and mysterious - not really helpful at all but there were a few that I like and one that really struck me. It's the reply from lirik and I like it very much. It's the second to the last reply and I think this was what the OP was looking for, because it struck me. I almost want to copy and paste his entire response here. Bottom line of what I got from his response is we shouldn't give up on a dream no matter what it is and no matter why - it's too precious, the truth of the matter is not everyone has a dream. Not a lot of people know the feeling of the certainty of having a goal or dream - of actually knowing what you want. So don't give up on it. It's you and yours alone. Don't let anyone think that your dream is not worth it - ESPECIALLY YOU. lirik said You had your dream for a reason. I love it. It's what exactly what I wanted to hear. lirik, where ever you are, thank you. I did a quick research on him and that post right there is his single post in all of tinybuddha. Searching his name through google gave me results of a similar named Twitch streamer who doesn't appear to be him as there's an age gap. lirik, you posted that when you were 29 years old back in 2015. You're 32 now. I hope life's been good to you, and I want you to know you've inspired me. I can't thank you enough. I'm going to believe in my dream again. My goals again, and I'm not gonna let myself say how lame it is ever again.
  15. iamthemithras

    Relapsed but now I'm back (long post)

    Hello all, and thank you for having me here. I was away for a long time from the site but it's not like it's a big thing. First of all, thank you for choosing to read this. Upon checking the journal I left here, it looked like I was able to quit gaming for a month before I relapsed. That was back around the end of September. I was in a bad place and I think the stress I experienced made me "crave" for that "high" I get from playing. I still remember what game I relapsed to this day, but I'd rather not mention which lest I tempt someone in this site. A big part of why I started to play video games again is I convinced myself (at the time) that video games themselves are probably not my problem but something bigger. After all, not all video games are mindless time sink to waste life and miss opportunities. Some, for me, are great story telling mediums than actual games like Visual novels and adventure games like Telltale's Walking Dead, etc. That's a very loose term for video games as there are a lots of kinds for it but I think the core of the matter why I wanted to stop in the first place is that I keep wasting too much time playing games like and it's ruining my life.I thought my focus was wrong. I was playing the blame game - I don't HAVE to give up games because the problem isn't gaming but my control of myself. While I don't believe I was wrong about that, what I was a fool thinking just because I realized that now then I suddenly got it all figured out and all I need to do is to not play too much. Keep enjoying life with video games, just don't lose sight of your passion. Not bad advice to myself, and at first I was able to do it. I was still working out and practicing my skills as an artist at the side. Life was getting better but it's when things went south again in my life that I find myself going back to those destructive routines.Right now I'm currently depressed and stressed right now (but not like when me and my family were kicked out by our landlady back in September). My friends at work are quitting work and I'm getting surrounded by people I don't like. Plus my work schedule is going to be really shitty as management is making me work 8 pm to 5 am on weekdays, but 11pm to 8 am on weekends! Jesus Christ, I'm still trying to figure out how I'm going to adjust from the weekday shift to the weekend, and how I am going to schedule my gym workout. Now because of the stress, I find myself playing too much online video games - every free time I have I'm spending it playing this online game I enjoyed a little at first but is beginning to feel like a pay-to-win. I actually wasted my entire off days on this damn game! Good thing I haven't spent any money on it yet. It's when I know I'm hooked on a pay-to-win game that I know I'm really addicted. On top of that, realizing I'm wasting so much of my time on this game even made me more depressed that I'm actually searching for that "high" - i'm still playing that game and I'm getting fat wasting my money on so much junk food because of stress eating, which makes me more depressed because I'm wasting this so much money which makes me play video games more and so on and so on. It was sometime yesterday that I realized what a fool I've been acting. I thought I had control now. I thought I bested my addiction but stress me enough then I'll waste away again. I may not be a smoker or an alcoholic or even a druggie but I know I need help. Self regulation may not be enough for me, I don't know. All I know right now is if I don't try to quit again, I'm just gonna keep playing games and forgetting my dreams. That being said, I don't want to stop playing video games at all. Well, I don't want to play MMOs anymore that make me grind and take away precious time, that's for sure. I'm convinced these sort of games are designed to keep you addicted. What I want is balance. I want to enjoy video games but not at the cost of putting it above my goals and aspirations. I don't want to spend an entire day or even 4 hours just playing video games, I don't want that kind of life. Video games are amazing, and I don't want to ignore the kind of experience some great games provide. I don't want to not discover the masterful storytelling of some of the greatest RPGS just because I'm an addict. I think there's a time and place for great games. Knowing how I am right now, my best option is to stop playing video games again. Quitting cold turkey again. I don't know if this is the best course of action in the long term as I'm not convinced totally abstaining from video games is the right choice but there's bound to be better uses of my time than wasting my time and money on a game with pretty graphics but shitty casino-style gameplay mechanics and junkfood to numb the feeling of my dwindling self-esteem. When I relapsed, I actually kept offline journals at my laptop. However, now that I am living alone and no internet connection I spend my time online at computer cafes where I have to listen to other addicts playing MOBA games, screaming like idiots. It's a little hard to be optimistic about quitting as I know now that huge stress makes me want to game real bad (it's what made me relapse in the first place and it happening again made me visit this site) but while I don't think quitting cold turkey is the best option, I know it's the right one. Maybe that's all what counts, knowing you're making the right choice. It was a month of no gaming before I relapsed. I don't know how long I'll last this time, but here I am. Thank you for getting this far, I really appreciate it. I'll be continuing my journal I left here and I'll be making new post over there soon. I hope to get to know some of you people better, and for those who sort of remember me and is still here I'm sorry for not keeping in touch. My current goals at this time is to improve and get the physique I want, improve my skill as an artist to draw a webcomic one day, and learn Japanese. I'm still going to the gym and practicing my drawing for an hour when I'm at home. I stopped studying Japanese but with the extra time not playing games I'll be focusing on studying now. For recreation, I've actually been watching some great anime and reading manga. They're mostly romance though. I'm beginning to think the reason I'm not getting the physique I want is because I'm losing more testosterone than gaining it! lol I also "play" visual novels and I still will, as for me these are basically glorified choose your own adventures and not exactly "games" that require more than making dialog choices. More importantly, watching anime, reading manga, and playing visual novels don't make me want to spend an entire day doing them. I'm not addicted to them. Plus, they're very related to my goal of learning Japanese and drawing manga. I just realized I'm writing too much, sorry. Thank you again for reading, I will continue on my journal. Thank you for this website, Cam and everyone.
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