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seriousjay
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Posts posted by seriousjay
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Bleh. Today was a bit of a rough day and now I can't sleep because my mind has decided to latch on to and ruminate about my relationship status.
The more I go on, the more I realize I really need to bite the damn bullet and start cold approaching women. I don't know why it's so hard for me. ?
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For me your mindset is a direct reflection of how you think about yourself. There are some easy ways to improve that: practice personal hygiene, wear nice clothes, walk around with a smile on your face, hang out with other positive people, listen to positive music...
Other things you can do that will help you if you consistently practice them: meditation, gratitude, self-love, self-compassion (reframing negative thoughts, ie. "I suck at x" turns into "One day I'll become really good at x")
One important thing to remember is that if you're not that positive right now, it's not likely to change overnight. It's something you've really gotta work hard at to see results. However in my opinion everything begins with your mindset so it's extremely important to cultivate as much positivity as you can.
Best of luck!
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Tonight for probably the first time I went with what my feelings were telling me and did not get a bunch of junk food. I've got to remember to trust my feelings going forward-they already intuitively know what's best for me I think.
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On 10/24/2019 at 4:52 AM, giblets said:
G'day Rojo!
I can say that gaming most likely directly contributed to you being socially awkward! You haven't given yourself time to work on those subtle social skills which makes conversations and introducing yourself so much easier. I've been there before (and probably am still there), and you've already made the hardest step by acknowledging and being aware of it - now the easy step is practicing or working on it.
I look forward to being a part your journey!
There are so many soft skills you pick up during your school years, elementary and high school especially that you don't even realize until you're much older. A LOT of your social development happens during that time-literally years of social interactions every single day.
While we can't go back and replay those years, we do have an advantage as adults that we didn't as kids-awareness and maturity and I've found those two things helped my social growth go pretty quickly. Especially since that improvement was done with great intention and purpose.
Welcome to the forums Rojo!
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3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Just keep following your routine when you get a loss for motivation. It keeps you honest and keeps you going. You got this.
A perfect segue into my post...
I seem to have gotten back on track over the last few days with respect to my habits and I have no idea why. I go back to my axiom of if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward and wonder if it applies here. I definitely experienced some personal development stagnation, writing goals stagnation, etc. during the last month and I found it really easy to go back to eating fast food and watching gaming videos. It wasn't that I was having trouble resisting it-I didn't even WANT to resist it.
The insights I've gleaned through my MBTI assessments have been a big deal for me. I've recognized why certain patterns played out in my past and why certain things are happening now. I think that's given me the motivation to get back to my goals and habits. So it would appear that consistently moving forward (the idea of momentum) is especially important for me to stay on track.
Ah, such are the mysteries of life. Unlike video games, there is usually nothing binary about life's challenges, which can be quite frustrating but very exciting and stimulating at the same time!
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I need to find a way to better manage days when I feel really down and don't want to do anything at all. I stayed with it for a while and eventually I became motivated again. Probably in no small part thanks to the coffee I drank, haha.
Anyways I'm glad last week is over. My brother is back from his vacation and I can get back to a more normal routine now.
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I did a few different versions of the MBTI test. I think I got ISFJ once, INFJ once and INFP three times. I definitely identify the most with INFP. Because humans are complex creatures that cannot be put into generic boxes, there are some aspects of it that I don't agree with.
Like I mentioned though, I think this is best used as another tool to try to understand myself as opposed to being something I live by. For example, it helped me realize my chronic stress... lol.
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So yesterday I came to realize that I'm chronically stressed and didn't even realize it. Just reading more about my personality type, the signs that an INFP is stressed are snapping at people, being overly harsh and critical, etc., which I find happens at least a few days out of the week. I don't know if it's because I am incompatible with my job (too much activation of the logic and reasoning function which I generally struggle with anyways) or if it's the job itself, but it's something to be mindful of going forward and finding a way to manage.
I also think I might be taking the MBTI stuff a little too seriously as well, which often happens when I come across these "epiphany" type discoveries. It's a great tool for putting my life into perspective (honestly... a LOT of things make sense in the context of the INFP personality type for me), but to treat it as the be all end all of my life doesn't seem healthy. I'll take what useful things I can from it and continue working on myself in other ways as well.
Either way, it's really funny. Until yesterday, I thought I actually did a really great job of managing stress and not letting things bother me, etc. Which I still think I do, but clearly there's room for improvement as well!
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21 hours ago, Ikar said:
The trouble is, a lot of people today bank on debt and they don't even need to feel the scarcity of money, until executor confiscates their property. They also can't start saving, if they think there's nothing to save, even if they are debt-free. To truly make informed and perhaps bold decisions, where they can afford to leave their job for a while and perhaps look for something better, they need to have some kind of a financial cushion. It's really a horrible life of a man with no options otherwise.
Well I wasn't specifically talking about money or jobs, just in general. Health, productivity, etc.
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On 10/19/2019 at 11:20 PM, goodvibes said:
Poverty and habitually poor decisions vs bringing the money in and habitually good decisions, for the most part.
Don't even need to bring money in.
People who make a habit of wise decisions generally will do a lot better in all areas of life than those who do not.
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As I do more reading about my personality type I've begun to realize that a whole new universe of understanding has opened up to me. Suddenly, so much of what happened in the past and the way things are now makes so much sense. Even just the validation that my current struggles aren't because I'm weak or not good enough-that there's an actual REASON for them-is incredibly empowering. That doesn't absolve me of the responsibility of continuing to get better-in fact, personal development is one of the critical foundations of healthy INFPs-but it does help to put things into better perspective and context.
This is pretty much all because of Val, the girl I've been seeing lately. It reminds me of the saying that everyone in your life is there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Even if she's only here for a short time, she's given me a gift that is far more impactful than anything she could do for me as a girlfriend, I think.
EDIT: Just one example that I want to jot down here. I still struggle with fast food and the INFP function stack suggests that my struggle is because the introverted feeling function is my dominant. I make the decision to have fast food based on the way I feel in the moment. Logical reasoning has historically been only mildly effective at countering it and there's a good reason for it-extraverted thinking, the one function of an INFP that is responsible for logic and reasoning is the inferior function of an INFP and therefore not well developed or accessible.
I see two ways within this framework to deal with this. I can either develop a stronger extraverted thinking function that is more readily accessible and able to resist the introverted feeling function, or I can create a feeling within myself that contradicts the fast food decision that is even stronger than the feeling that leads to making said decision. I don't think INFPs are very good at restraint-our creative minds by definition want to be as free as possible to allow the greatest potential for our imaginations-so I think the latter is the way to go.
Now I need to figure out how to go about doing that! Man I haven't been this excited about something in a very long time!
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22 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
I hear you. Porn is so intoxicating. It's ridiculous. Something that kind of helped me has been understanding how I feel afterwards. It's hollow. I also watched a few documentaries called "Life After Porn". Warning because there is sensitive content and nudity in there. The reason I appreciated it was a lot of the porn stars said they wanted to wait to have sex until marriage, etc. after being in there. I don't necessarily believe that for myself, but I do think it has impact on me because I used to think you had to please a woman the way they do in porn and most of the porn stars actually dislike the way they're treated in porn. That it is fake and not actual love making. I have learned that now, but when I first watched it in 2012 it really made a lasting impression on me.
Myers-briggs is interesting. I'm an ENTJ-T for turbulent commander. I thought the write-up from 16 personalities was very accurate when describing me, but I won't let it mold my life either. I want to trust my heart as well. It's an interesting science for sure.
I've heard that before too, that women generally do not enjoy what they have to do in porn movies. Sadly, so many males watch porn on a regular basis that it's become ingrained in them that women actually enjoy that stuff. I wonder if that's a big contributor to sexual dissatisfaction in relationships... just this disconnect with expectation vs. reality.
That being said, there seems to be science to suggest that most women aren't sure about a relationship until they sleep with a man. Sexual compatibility and attraction in my opinion is probably the main factor that contributes to a relationship's long-term viability. When your partner excites you that way, I think it makes everything else just that much better.
Yeah, I don't exactly fit into the INFP box that neatly. For example, I don't have a "woe is me" attitude about not feeling like I'm heard or appreciated. If I feel that way, it's because I don't go out of my way to be recognized, and I'm at peace with that. The people that I have a real connection with will be able to identify and appreciate the things that I do and it doesn't need to be mentioned either... although it's nice to hear it from time to time. ?
I definitely think everyone is completely unique and you can find at least a little bit of each of the 16 types in everyone. That's the beautiful thing about people. ?
EDIT: Also, yeah, masturbation and porn definitely don't leave me satisfied at all. It's just this feeling of like "yeah whatever". I think that resonates a lot stronger with me because love-making to me is about your partner. It's about the physical expression of your love and commitment. There are few things more beautiful than that in this world.
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13 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Good luck on your journey. I find porn to be so much more difficult to quit than video games it's not even a contest. I think you've been doing a great job over the past few years on here and I hope you continue to keep it up. I believe in you and also think you've been a great role model for our community.
Thanks for the kind words. All I can ask for is that my example inspires others to live their very best life.
Until the last three weeks, I didn't find porn all that problematic. For a long time I actually stopped masturbating entirely until I read about some benefits of it. I think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with masturbation, it's just a matter of finding a good balance. Porn, however, is something I don't want anything to do with for a lot of reasons and when I'm going well, I don't find it hard to stay away from it.
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I'm starting to buy into the Myers-Briggs personality thing. Reading about the INFP personality type, which most tests peg me as, I strongly identify with most traits of that type. I'm going to try to understand it more and see if there's anything I can take away from that understanding to improve myself.
Really I think a big key to happiness is understanding and loving yourself. If you have that solid foundation then there's very little that can knock you off track. I also think it's very important to have that foundation to have a healthy romantic relationship as well.
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16 hours ago, sskieller said:
Do you have a hard time keeping away from the old habits? If so, have you tried setting up barriers for you that makes it a lot harder to get back into it? Like Cold Turkey for the pc to block applications and websites, along with Stay Focused for the phone to block access to Google Play Store for example. Then set a password on each of the applications which someone else keep. That way you will have a harder time getting back and easier time focusing on the important things in life.
Barriers have never worked for me. Even when I deleted my Steam account for example I just went and rebought whatever game I wanted to play. Furthermore, I don't believe negative reinforcement-in this case, restricting access to things-is an effective strategy for long-term success. Especially for me, since in the past when I've re-acquired access to the thing I was abstaining from, I would end up binging on that thing anyways.
I got my gratitude/self-love practice in this morning and that's about it. I was busy literally all day. On the plus side, my date this evening with a girl I've been seeing went quite well I think. I ended up getting chicken wings on the way home and watched more gaming videos, but I'm not TOO concerned about that for now. I didn't expect my habits to change overnight after screwing around for 3 weeks. The important thing is getting back to the things that made it easier to stick to my positive habits, which will happen soon.
Going to bed now. Will do my gratitude/self-love evening practice and meditation before falling asleep. There wasn't much I could do about it aside from getting up earlier, but I think skipping my meditation in the morning probably contributed to my weakness with the chicken wings later on. Well, that and barely eating anything all day I suppose.
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So the last three weeks have been a lot of going back to old habits (porn and masturbation, daily fast food, gaming videos, etc.) and I think a big (main?) reason for it is that I've gotten away from the things that made me successful in the first place. Mainly, my twice a day gratitude and self-love practice. I guess I didn't realize how much of a ripple effect that stuff had on the rest of my life. It's really reinforced one of my axioms - if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward. I'm also going to go back to regular journaling. If something is helping you and it doesn't take a great deal of time or effort, why stop?
I'm a big believer in the law of attraction and one way I'm going to think of my gratitude and self-love practice is like a prayer to the universe. People that believe in a god pray to said god for help, right? I don't see why the universe in the context of the law of attraction should be any different. Here's to better days ahead!
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Sounds to me like you're just trying to take on way too much at once.
Instead of three goals, try one.
Instead of doing something everyday for those goals, try for once or twice a week.
Also, are these goals part of a grander plan? It's very easy to get bored of a goal if it isn't working towards something bigger. For example, a goal of meeting one new person every week for three months. It's a fine goal, but if there is no greater purpose behind it you easily lose motivation to do it.
Having long-term goals is extremely important. Those goals essentially define what you want out of life. Get married, start a family, buy a house, publish a book, start an online business that makes six figures, etc. These are the goal posts way down the line. Then you work backwards. You break down the long-term goals into actionable steps. Publish a book is the easy one for me so I'll give you an example:
Long term goal: publish a 75,000 word book on Amazon by December 31st, 2021
What do you need to publish a book? An Amazon publisher account, an editor, a manuscript, and enough time to work on it.
Let's say you need to give 6 months for editing. So your manuscript needs to be "done" by June 30th, 2021. From today, that gives you about 1 year and 8 months to pump out 75,000 words.
What do I need to do to make a 75,000 word manuscript? You need an idea, a plot, characters, a setting, a story outline, etc.
Let's say you need 3 months to come up with enough of a base to actually start writing a story. That gives you 1 year and 5 months to actually write your story. That's approximately 515 days, which means you need to write at least 146 words per day to reach that goal.
If you know broadly what you need to do then you can turn it into weekly action steps. The really easy one here is words per week. 1022 words per week to reach your goal. Organize a way to track that goal, even using something as simple as notepad. Then you do a weekly check in to see if you're on track, and if not, what you can do to get back on track.
You can break this down much more but essentially that's the way to go about setting goals that you'll actually work towards. You must start with a long-term goal that you actually care about. That part is REALLY important. If you don't care enough about it, you won't do it.
There's a big difference, by the way, between not caring about it and not being willing to put the effort in and it's a trap I've fallen into in the past. Many successful people have days where they feel like doing absolutely nothing towards their goals, but they push on regardless. I would argue that those are the days where it's THE MOST CRITICAL to go and do the thing, even if you don't get a whole lot done. The important thing is building up the habits that eventually get you to where you want to be, and that means consistent effort over a long period of time. You're going to have ebbs during that stretch and you need to find a way to prepare for that.
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18 hours ago, RB1 said:
Thanks for the heads up. From your personal experience, would you recommend it though?
Hmm... man without knowing more about your situation I couldn't say. There is nothing a therapist can do for you that you can't eventually do for yourself, however with a therapist it may take much less time.
That being said, I feel like the people on this forum can be at least as helpful because we have experience dealing with the things you're dealing with. What it really depends on is whether or not you're ready/willing to take action.
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Check out the Calm app.
Meditation is one of those things that you need to do for a long period of time to see real benefits. It's also important to understand that not every session is going to go "well". The point isn't how well it goes, but rather that you sit down and do it.
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I saw one for a little while. I'd say just talking to someone about it helps, but medical professionals aren't trained specifically for video game addiction as far as I know, so YMMV.
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Hey guys, I think it's time I do my one year anniversary post.
First of all, I want to say a big thank you and shout out to the people on Game Quitters that have stuck with me through this journey so far. @AlexTheGrape (you still alive bro??? haha), @fawn_xoxo, @JustTom and everyone else who lent a helping hand in my journal and other areas of the forum. And of course to @Cam Adair for making this all possible in the first place. You guys all rock! Never let anyone tell you otherwise, including yourselves. ?
Now I'm not one for much small talk so I'll get right to the insights that I've gleaned from my journey so far:
1. I have a hard time pinpointing the most important or vital thing that has helped me get to where I am so I'll just say this: every little thing you do in the right direction helps, no matter how minuscule. Journaling, helping others out on the forum, that one time you chose a banana over a cookie, etc. It may not seem like it in the moment, but keep in mind that your life today is the cumulative effect of every single decision you've made in your entire life.
Think of your life as a scale with two sides. On one side, you have all the "bad" choices and attitudes you've made in your life that have led you to drown out your sorrows in video games. On the other side, there are all the "good" choices you've made that work to counter the "bad" ones. You might look at your own personal scale and wonder how on earth you'll ever make enough good choices to completely negate the effects of the bad ones.
Here's the good news: my experience suggests that good choices, applied consistently over time, start to have a compounding effect (the meta-physical phenomenon called momentum, Newton's first law of physics, what have you). Put another way, the good choices make it much easier to make that good choice the next time, and so on.
ACTION STEP: I would encourage everyone to identify an area where it's really easy for you to make good choices instead of bad ones, and plan to do that for at least a week. What you may find is that by making those good choices in that area, it's easier to make good choices in totally unrelated areas, and after a week you may actually find that you'd rather make the good choices than the bad ones!
2. Plan to fail, especially if you're early in your journey. I started this entire thing long before I made my initial journal entry on October 30th, 2015. I don't remember the exact date but it was some time in 2012 or 2013 that I realized I needed to change the way my life was headed. Long story short, I quit and went back to video games maybe 5 or 6 times before everything finally clicked in August of last year.
My biggest issue, and something I still struggle with today is that I was really bad at planning and scheduling. Most often I would just wing most days. When I did try to plan out my weeks, I would either be completely unmotivated to actually do anything I planned, or I'd only go half way, or I'd do it for a week and then burn out and end up where I started.
I don't know if there's an easy answer to this issue, but I do believe planning is a skill that can be developed, and I've recently discovered a way that has worked for me for a few weeks now. Additionally, the more you work at planning, the easier it'll be and the better at it you'll get. You'll eventually find a way that works for you that you will stick with.
It's so important to plan out how you're going to spend your time because if you don't, it's just way too easy to fall back into old habits. Additionally, especially if you're new, have a plan to get yourself back on track after a relapse. I cannot stress this enough. The vast majority of the time that was "wasted" for me during my journey was mired in relapse, and I didn't have a plan to get myself back on track. I would just wait until something happened or things got bad enough that I decided to attempt to quit video games again.
ACTION STEP: If you're struggling with relapse, plan out a way to get back on track. I unfortunately don't have good insights into how to do this so I'm hoping others can offer some good advice.
Additionally, plan out how you're going to spend your time. Make it as easy as you need to make it. It's much better to say you'll go for a walk for two minutes a day, and then actually do it every day, instead of saying you'll walk for 30 minutes a day and sit at home. You might need to start out with something as simple as I'll read a book for 5 minutes every day, and that's it. Be honest with yourself and what you can accomplish. You might need to swallow some pride here but at least you'll get started on the right path.
3. As a bit of an extension of the above, make things that you want to do or try as easy as you need to make them so that you'll actually go out and do them. If you want to become a writer, you may need to settle for just writing 100 words a day, or a week. Slowly you'll build up that habit over time and you'll be able to do more and more as you go on.
ACTION STEP: Figure out some things that you'd like to try and plan out a way to get started on them. Make it as easy as you need to make them, even if you have to make it so easy that the only way to fail is to do nothing at all. This is honestly really important because you need to fill that void video games has left with other hobbies and activities to keep you occupied, and more importantly, to begin living your life with purpose.
4. If you fail, don't be hard on yourself. There is research to prove that being hard on yourself when you fail actually makes it more likely that you'll fail again the next time. Practice self-compassion during times of weakness. If you choose that cookie instead of the banana, say to yourself "It's OK, everyone stumbles from time to time, I'll do better next time".
ACTION STEP: Really short section but I cannot stress the critical importance of self-compassion. Think about things that you are likely to fail at, especially if you tend to be hard on yourself after that failure. Reframe the failure in a compassionate way and see if that helps you to make a better decision next time.
5. Practice gratitude and self-love. Every morning after my routine I lay in my bed and say out loud 3 things I'm grateful for and 3 things about myself that are awesome. This doesn't seem like much but it goes hand in hand with point 1. Even if you think you're the worst person in the world, you should be able to find some things about yourself that are good and that you're grateful for. Even if it's as basic as the fact that you're a living, breathing human. You can also google things to be grateful for if you're struggling to think of something. Hint: it can be something completely innocuous like the tree growing in your lawn.
The point of this isn't the thing that's awesome or that you're grateful for, but sitting down and actually doing it. It forces your brain to think in different, more compassionate, self-loving terms. Slowly over time you should find it gets easier and easier to think of things to be grateful for.
ACTION STEP: Find a time of day to practice gratitude and use the "law of least effort" principle. If you can only manage to spend 10 seconds to say you're grateful for the roof over your head, that's fine. Make it as easy as you need to make it so that you'll actually do it.
Additionally, and this is really important, when you have negative thoughts you feel you have no control over, reframe those thoughts in a positive way. "I'm not good enough" can become "I'm taking steps to improve the aspects of my life that need work". When you do this, it softens your inner critic and creates space for compassion and self-love. Everything begins with the way you think about yourself and the world. This is another one of those things where you'll need to be really consistent about it to see results but it does work.
6. Read The Willpower Instinct and The Power of Habit. Seriously, these books should be required reading in school as soon as students understand what willpower and habits are.
7. Last but not least - know that you are capable of gaining control of what's going on in your head. That you have the responsibility of taking control of what's going on in your head. If you look for things to blame outside of yourself then it lets you off the hook. Even if it's true that everything bad in your life is someone else's fault, that doesn't change the fact that it's up to YOU and nobody else to fix it. Nobody is going to do it for you and you have to start taking the steps to make the changes that you want to see happen.
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Your mindset is such a huge part of your success in life. Everything begins in your head. If you think you can do something, then you'll figure out ways to make it happen. If you don't think you can do something, then you'll find every excuse as to why. This principle applies to just about every area of life. It's a tough journey to change the way you think but it's the most important thing you can do for yourself in my opinion.
Hope this helps you guys. ?
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It's simple, really.
Create a mail account on any free webmail service. I suggest https://www.mail.com/int/
When creating the password, use a random password generator such as http://www.thebitmill.com/tools/password.html
Now here's the trick. First, create a random password using the tool above and change your Steam account to that password. Make sure it's something long that you'll never be able to guess. Then, create a new e-mail account using that same password, and switch the e-mail address on the steam account to that e-mail address. Log out of both Steam and the e-mail account. If necessary, delete any saves logins to Steam and that e-mail account.
Voila, you've just deleted your Steam account. ?
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13 hours ago, creationlist said:
I never needed any of this pickup stuff to meet girls. I even did not need it to meet my ex girlfriend.
I think all of that pickup stuff is just money making.
Maybe it helps people, but honestly I think I am to stupid to understand all of it.
So I am/was better off just being myselfe ?
No offense, but every dollar not spent directly on a girl is wasted money in my eyes. I think you have better success investing the money in flowers and present them to random girls or a drink for cool people who you met somewhere than spending it on such a course.
Only real indirect advantages with money is going to the gym if your a man. I think we have the same thoughts over this.
I flew over the first five articles, where is since involved? Maybe I just missed it becouse I just get so tired reading this stuff ?
In what way did this pickup stuff help you? Approaching girls? Getting girls into bed? Do you have a family now? Do you earn more money at work with this courses now? Just asking, becouse I never met someone in my life, who had some advantages with that pickup stuff.
GirlsChase is not really PUA material. In fact, and I may be wrong, but Chase (the site's creator) actually discourages traditional PUA techniques.
The science behind his ideas is actually presented in the OneDate course, which again is not a PUA course. It's a structured approach that helps you go from nothing to getting a date to taking a girl to bed to retaining her after sex. Essentially he pored over years of research conducted by people (everything is cited in the course, FYI) to inform his advice. He goes over things like how to approach a woman, which types of approaches work and which don't, how to keep your conversation from hitting a dead end, what to do when certain things happen, etc.
To be completely clear, literally everything he talks about can be and eventually is learned from simply going out and meeting women. You pick up what works and what doesn't through experience, and much of what he teaches eventually does become second nature. It's just that many men don't necessarily realize why what they do isn't working and it may take them years to figure it out. The course simply takes all the mystery and guesswork out of it.
It's entirely possible that you already know everything he has to say, and that's great for you if that's the case. ? Many men out there aren't so lucky, including myself. What I've gotten out of it so far is more confidence that I can successfully steer a date in the right direction and that I can more quickly identify what I'm doing wrong and how to fix it. My dating game has gotten better very fast just from arming myself with the knowledge he provides.
To be completely clear though, his material is largely geared towards getting girls into bed as soon as possible, which he claims is the key to keeping her around as a girlfriend, or as a friend with benefits or whatever else you might want. It uses a scientific approach to create attraction between yourself and a girl and while she may feel attraction for you, it's entirely possible that you don't feel much for her. I would even argue that it borders on psychological exploitation personally since it tasks men with taking advantage of the things most women crave to see from men.
It's all still just a different kind of dating advice and like with all advice, your mileage may vary and it's up to the individual to decide what's useful and what isn't. I am personally a virgin and have never really had what I'd describe as a real romantic relationship in my life and if the next girl I do have a relationship with is the only one, I would be quite satisfied with that. So in that sense, techniques to get as many women into bed as possible aren't that useful to me. Identifying the traits that women look for in a man and that are seen as attractive and how to improve them (stuff he goes over) are very useful to me and where I've found the most value in the course. Additionally, I really don't care much for the mystery aspect and figuring it out for myself because I just don't have time for that.
Sorry for the long winded response but I do hope it helped to clarify some things!
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Hmm... not sure where else to put this and I see that the subforum is gone as well.
I'm looking for an accountability partner. Ideally someone who has quit games for >6 months and lives in eastern time zone. No gender or age preference. Keeping a positive mindset is also important. I'd prefer to work with someone who tries to figure out how to do better next time as opposed to focusing on how badly they failed. Doing voice chats over Skype or something would be preferable.
I'm just at a point where I've realized I need some help to work on certain things and am hoping to be helpful to someone else as well. If you're interested just shoot me a PM!
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Check out https://www.girlschase.com/
There are many great articles on there backed up by science. If you want the streamlined version of all the information there is a OneDate course that takes you step by step on how to get better with girls. I bought the OneDate course myself and found a lot of useful information.
On 8/29/2019 at 4:13 AM, Leo B said:Hey man.
I feel you. I've also been struggling with finding a new gf after moving to a new country.
It's a very big journey that you've set yourself on and I think there's plenty of personal development involved with attracting the right partner.
I suggest you read books related to being a "Pick up artist" (PUA) and start applying step by step as they suggest. DON'T SKIP STEPS. Apply the knowledge. Otherwise you'll just be a walking library.
That being said... The knowledge from. PUA is just meant to increase your confidence and thicken your skin to rejection (which you should consider sooo normal). But don't use this info to turn yourself into a "player" or become a jerk. Just to better yourself.
Then once you do this you will eventually meet someone in your social settings. At the gym, at the dance classes... Wherever you go out and hang.
I met my current girlfriend using this strategy (at the gym where we train).
Above all, don't despair and don't lose hope. It's ok to experience loneliness and pain. Look you wouldn't be here asking how to improve otherwise.
I know, because I do it way less now. So just use that energy and drive to BECOME a better version of yourself. Then girls will want to hang out with you and be your partners in life.
Best of luck!
Leo B
Hey how did you approach your girl at the gym? I've been thinking about this myself but literally everyone except me is listening to their music and focusing on their workout. I feel like if I interrupt someone to talk to them it'll be annoying and I won't necessarily get a warm reception.
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Jay's Epic Journey
in Daily Journals
Posted
So last night, after reading another article about what you're "supposed to do" when taking pictures for online dating I finally had enough and deleted everything except Match. That one is probably going to end up in the garbage can as well.
I KNOW I'm an awesome guy. However, if the world of online dating is such that being your awesome self isn't good enough then it doesn't deserve my presence.
Ultimately what I'm looking for is to start a family one day. If I can't find someone who can look past all the superficial garbage and try to create a real connection based on something meaningful then I'm just going to adopt a kid and be content with that. Adoption has been something I've thought about from time to time anyways.
Obviously this doesn't absolve me of the responsibility I have to continue with self-improvement and making myself the most desirable human I can possibly be. However, from now on I'm going to be doing all that for the person that matters the most to me in this world-myself. If that isn't good enough for anyone, then so be it.
Also, my sentences are way too long!