NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
seriousjay
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Posts posted by seriousjay
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10 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Today was another good day. I got very far on another project I have been working on. I also went out to eat with coworkers. My monthly eat-out bill for January was less than $100 which is what I wanted. I allow myself maybe $25 per week to do this instead of spending like $5,000 on eating out like last year. That's done with. I'll allow like $1,000, but not 5 times that. That can go to my savings.
I had a 4 hour conversation with my friend today. We hadn't talked in a while so I just watched some tv on mute while talking to him about everything. It was really nice and I enjoyed tonight.
I canceled the date with that girl I was supposed to go with. It really bothered me. I messaged her on Monday morning asking to grab dinner during the week and I was free except for Wednesday and Thursday. So she says Wednesday is best. Then 5 hours later she says oh wait, I misread this. I am free Friday night or the weekend. I say let's get dinner on Friday night. She says yes, she'd love to get dinner Friday night with a smile face emoji. I ask which one of these 3 restaurants do you want to go to? She waits 4 days and responds to me at 1 AM on Friday morning saying she was sorry she forgot to text me back or call me. Maybe we can hang at her place and then mine? I said I would rather get food and chat since I'm allergic to her dog and my house is a mess. She waits several hours to text again and says she'll message me when she is done teaching her class. She doesn't work during the day. Only yoga and stuff at nights on this day. She then says I'm free to hang out now or after 8:30. 10 minutes later she says I'm gonna take a pop-up yoga class so I'll be free after 8:30.
It takes 30 minutes to drive to a place near my house from the yoga studio. So she pushed it until 9 PM basically. I told her I'm not interested and she said ok. Then she said sorry and said an incoherent sentence that makes no sense.
I realize I was not very much a priority to her by how she put me off and just did everything random first. Just tell me you're not interested. I am thinking of even blocking her number. I don't want to deal with her ever again.
This weekend I plan on taking things easier on myself. I'm gonna go for a walk, 3d model, read, relax, study, see a friend, and rock climb. Or maybe none of it. But I'm giving myself options.
You did the right thing. She definitely didn't see you as a priority and you deserve much better than that. Not saying she should have dropped everything to see you but to wait that long between messages when you're trying to organize a date is pretty telling of her interest level. Just remember that has nothing to do with you. 🙂
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16 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
Today was also good. I think some stunning developments occurred with some negligent coworkers who have caused me major distress. I also went out for a brewery event with my coworkers and really enjoyed it. I'm starting to feel so much better overall. Like my friendships matter. I'm allowing myself to have friends and talk to people. This weekend is going to be the big test. I tend to get brutally upset each weekend. I'm determined not to be upset this weekend.
Good luck with the weekend! But remember if it doesn't go as planned don't be too hard on yourself. Change is hard.
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OMG those pics. Wow!!!
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On 1/26/2020 at 10:40 PM, BooksandTrees said:
How did the daughter eventually get diagnosed?
I'm not too sure, and out of respect for my friend and his daughter I don't want to share specific details. Only that they had to go through at least 2 psychiatrists to get a proper diagnosis. Sometimes it takes a while to get set up with the right person.
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51 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
I've been asked twice and seen a psychiatrist who doesn't think I have a major mental illness. They just say I can try anti anxiety medication if I want, but I'm functioning fine.
Well ultimately it's up to your judgment of course. I know of at least one instance with my friend where a psychiatrist failed to properly diagnose his daughter's mental health issue. It got frighteningly close to being too late before someone else finally had the courage to diagnose it properly.
I'm not saying you have a mental health issue. Just that I see a lot of patterns repeating frequently and with how badly depressed and anxious you get, I just wonder if there's something else going on.
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Hey, at the risk of having missed some information you've already shared once again, but have you gotten a psychiatrist's opinion about your mental health? Like a proper diagnosis? It really seems to me that the same patterns keep repeating over and over again and I wonder if there's something going on that you'll need a professional's help with.
I think you've got a lot of potential in life. You are obviously very talented at what you do. However, I've seen and experienced firsthand how crippling mental health issues can be.
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1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:
1. I can agree here. I guess I'm just in that mode where I'm still frustrated learning a new hobby. In all honesty it's the first time I've found a hobby in my 66 weeks of quitting games that I've enjoyed. So even though I've been successful in quitting games, I still have that frustration of "not coming home to something specific and just doing it for fun" like I used to with games. It's getting there, but I'm not diversifying my activities enough to balance fun properly. So I think that's just going to take some time for me.
2. I don't really care that they're compensating for something. I still find it rude that they stare or act tough when they've never talked to me. They're doing the same thing. I have empathy for others, but sometimes after years of seeing something I just don't enjoy it anymore. I do have an anger issue. It festers for sure. I have gotten better over the past 10 years, but it's something that will likely be a long process. I've mentioned previously that my dad had a very violent temper and my mom had a very distorted temper where she'd assume things and manipulate people. I come from a product of that environment. I've been learning a lot about how to handle these angry thoughts logically and change. Sometimes it's just difficult. Writing in this diary helps me write my raw frustration out and then analyze it like you just did here. It's a form of reflection for me. I do harbor lots of angry thoughts and have worked at not holding them in, but recycling those thoughts into positive ones. It just takes time when I grew up that way. It's a valid point.
3. The quote is true. I find that once I get my anger out I'm more calm and can easily be creative and do artistic or comedic things. I think that quote is a little too static in my case. I think I get very stressed and filled with anger and look to dump it on people or things. Then I have to recycle that anger and turn it into positive productivity like through hobbies or a gym. Through that direction I then have the ability to do interesting things and create something new with a broader perspective.
First, sorry if I came off as abrasive. You handled it really well here!
I think when it comes to new things, there's this initial excitement where it's new and fun and exciting. Then it starts to feel very boring and repetitive once the novelty has worn off. This is a critical time in hobby formation. This is where you'll decide if you want to stick with it or not. Eventually, once you get really good at it and start producing some really awesome things, and maybe even have people appreciate those things, it becomes fun again. It's just a matter of if you're willing to work through that crappy period where it feels more like work. I'm at this point with the violin, and I've been at this point with writing for a while. It helps if you've got some long-term goals attached to those hobbies. Maybe you want to perform at events. Maybe you want to publish a book. Those types of goals keep you motivated and energized when the act of doing those hobbies no longer gives you joy.
I think it's a really huge step to get to a point where you're no longer being affected by what other people around you are doing. A lot of the time, things like that affect us because of our own insecurities. I can attest to that from personal experience. Just keep up the fight man!
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A couple of things here:
1) Your life isn't always going to feel exciting. That's the dopamine talking. There are going to be days where the last thing you want to do is the activities that under normal circumstances you know you enjoy. You're going to have days where all you want to do is lay in your bed and stare at the ceiling and be lazy. The difference between the average person and the exceptional person is that the exceptional person understands those days are going to happen, and then goes out and does the things that make them exceptional regardless. They have a success mindset, that no matter what, they will continue pursuing their goals and not allow things like laziness or "not feeling it" get in the way.
Obviously this is much easier said than done, but through dedicated practice you can get there. Like anything else, the determination to push through laziness or discomfort is a skill that must be honed.
2) You seem to have a great deal of bitterness towards other people, even people you don't know. You judge the people that walk around in the gym between sets staring others down, but do you consider that perhaps they are doing that to compensate for a great deal of insecurity they feel about themselves? Everyone has a story, everyone has their problems. Judging someone for those things, things that you don't have a damn clue about is not productive or conducive to your future success. Even the other day where you got pissed because I missed the part about you already seeing a therapist. I mean... there are much, much more important things to get stressed out about.
Eleanor Roosevelt said:
QuoteGreat minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.
I don't dare to judge you. But I strongly encourage you to figure out which one you fall under.
This hatred and animosity you hold for other people is not healthy and it's not helping you. It's really important for you to figure out the source of this and deal with it. You're going to have a great deal of trouble achieving the things you want in life until you do.
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I would say if you're still addicted, which it seems to me that you are, then I would stay away from games entirely. You obviously have a very strong emotional attachment to EU4 which you're justifying by saying it's helping you with history, geography, etc.
If the latter was true, then you could do other things to fulfill that desire, like read history and geography books, explore your local area, do geocaching, etc.
The fantasies and cravings may or may not stop. I think that's an experience unique to each individual. I don't think the goal should be to try to stop those things from happening. For what it's worth, Cam Adair still experiences cravings from time to time. The important part is managing them and understanding that they do not have to define you.
Good luck! If you need any further help feel free to post again! 🙂
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So I am officially in a relationship with the woman I met on Match. The honeymoon phase has definitely settled in lol.
One thing that I knew was going to happen as a result of this was other things in my life feeling less important and wanting to spend most/all of my attention on her, and it is happening. So I've got to find a new balance that includes her. I'm STILL ultimately responsible for my own happiness so I cannot give up doing the other things I really value.
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40 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
Let me know how a relationship impacts your life along the way. I'm curious because I tend to think they'll ruin my life, but I want to be wrong. I want relationships to open new doors for me lol.
Sure I can post in my journal about it. It's off topic here. Don't want to derail your journal!
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41 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
It's nice being aware of that. I think there's that phrase the "honeymoon phase" that lasts like 6 months in a relationship that goes long term. It's nice that you have awareness now and allow yourself to have fun a little. I think this is a great thing for you.
Yeah for sure I definitely feel the honeymoon phase going on lol. But it's going to be really important for me to find that balance I need so that I can both satisfy my partner but also satisfy the things that I want as well! On top of juggling my life at home... lol.
Great problem to have though.
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I think one of the most important skills to develop is self-awareness. One challenge I'm facing right now with this new relationship I'm in is my partner sort of consuming my attention. The other things that I know I love seem less important. I knew this was coming however and I was aware of it developing. It's just a matter now of finding a new balance with this new person being a part of that.
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On 1/20/2020 at 11:26 AM, Sashiku said:
I'm starting to feel better, though I feel bad also because I completely flaked on coming up with a lesson today for my personal development class. I was so upset, it's like my brain was functioning at 40% all week. Ugh. Why do I have to mess up so much?
Secondly, I have had dreams and thoughts about gaming. How easy it would be to just fall back into it because I still barely know how to deal with things like sadness and loneliness.The best way to deal with failure is to practice self-compassion. Beating yourself up over things has been scientifically proven to make it easier to justify doing the very thing you're beating yourself up over. Try to forgive yourself for messing up and resolve to do better next!
4 hours ago, Sashiku said:Been bored lately. I REALLY wanted to play a game today and yesterday to stop the boredom. But, I have come up with a couple other ideas instead. I decided making a youtube channel would be fun. I could do speedpaints on it and maybe do some personal stuff like weight loss and some other hobby related stuff. I mean, better than being bored. Secondly, I took some suggestions from family and friends and have decided to do a calendar made up of drawings, a diff one for every month, also some drawings behind the calendar part itself, but very minimal like, dewdrops on leaves for spring, and snow for winter months. Summer, probably gonna do flowers and autumn, probably pumpkins or leaves.
I might charge a small fee (around $3-$5 per person) for the calendars since it costs to print them, and a lot of people seem to want them. I am also going to start up a comic. This could be a great way to spend the cold months. I just wanna enjoy my spare time.
This sounds like a great way to spend your time! Your drawings really are excellent, I'm quite impressed. 🙂 I think you need to give yourself much more credit for it.
By the way, I'm very impressed with how you handled yourself during your trip. You really deserve a lot of respect for that. That's a lot of abuse to take, especially from a loved one. And make no mistake, what your dad did to you is abuse, whether he'll accept that or not. For that matter, whether YOU'LL accept that or not. You are an amazing person and don't deserve to be treated like that.
Keep up the fight, you're doing great! I know it seems hard now but take it from me, it does get better. A lot better. You just gotta keep yourself moving in the right direction. 🙂
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6 hours ago, Erik2.0 said:
Day 59 NF 30 Np 13 med 16
It felt shorter when I did my 90 day detox off this site. I guess it's because I wasn't tracking each day on the website. That being said, once I tried gaming in moderation after my detox I felt like the forums made me feel a lot better so I've stayed with them.
@Ikar They mandate me to work at least 30 hours so I've got to meet that quota. I got on some anti anxiety meds and I'm meditating and doing more yoga so that will all help me. Thanks for checking in with me.
I've had to change up pressing motions to using dumbbells at the gym because the barbell version was hurting my wrist too much. I feel this sort of malaise come over me. I do work, gym, sleep. It's all sort of the same things all the time. It's good for me to have the stable structure it's just also a bit boring at times. Maybe I could try getting into an art form or something creative. I was thinking I'd just work to meditate and read more though. It's the safe play. I still really want to make a girlfriend, but I've kind of remembered to trust the process and not rush the process with that. With everything. That means taking my time to just talk and get to know someone for a long time and not asking to hang out or anything. Just really taking my time to chat and get to know people as I'm able to.
I feel a lot more peace thinking about doing this rather than just trying to ask out girls randomly. Which I'm not opposed to it's just sort of, that's a really high octane activity. I think doing more low to moderate level of stressors is best for me right now in my life. That as I trust in the process it'll slowly build up to more exciting things with time. Thank you all for reading my posts and being here for me. It means a lot to me to have people post and know someone out there cares.
God bless
Erik
Personally I agree with you about cold approaching. I never felt comfortable doing it, nor did I ever really want to do it either.
I met the girl I'm with right now over Match. I wasn't really looking for or expecting anything at the time. It sort of just happened. I think if you take the proper steps to prepare yourself and allow yourself to be open to opportunities that come along, then things will sort of just fall into place. I know that sounds super cliche but I do believe in it, but then I'm also a believer in the law of attraction.
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16 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
Update: I watched porn for the first time in 13 days. It's the furthest I've ever gone. I don't feel terrible, but I've been eager to watch for 3 days. Someone at the gym triggered me a while back. There is nothing I enjoy more than a physically fit woman. I kind of want to get into good shape so I can ask one out.
But dating just for a body is bad.
I also know that a personality like the girl I've grown closer with as a friend is what I want and her body is close. She's not toned or ripped, but she's beautiful.
I'm proud of myself for going 10 days without masturbation and 13 without porn.
On to the next streak.
Nice job man! You have a great approach with your streaks. Don't be hard on yourself for breaking it, just start a new one. 🙂
15 hours ago, Amphibian220 said:BooksandTrees
This is what worried me from your posts.
When a man sees women in revealing clothing, he experiences a good feeling followed by sexual stress. The stress comes because by nature a man needs coitus every time he experiences arousal, but he doesn’t get it. Then unsatisfied desire gets pushed into your subconscious.
A man can receive dozens of signals like this in one day. A constant life like this can then cause problems for your health.
I taught myself to lower my gaze on street etc and just avoid gyms that have women in them. The gym I go to is a martial arts men only gym. I obey this command because I know I will save my health many years down the line.
If a man experiences sexual arousal at the sight of every woman, then in my opinion something isn't quite right with the man. I go to the gym on a regular basis and while I do appreciate the beauty of fit women, it doesn't arouse nor frustrate me every time I look at them. Then again I am demisexual so maybe this doesn't quite apply to me.
I think the best approach is to try to strengthen your resolve, though I have no advice for how to go about that. This has actually become a pretty big issue in society, where people are finally and correctly starting to hold boys and men to higher standards of restraint as opposed to shaming women for wearing what they want to wear.
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3 hours ago, BooksandTrees said:
I didn't have a loss at all.
Can I be an asshole for a moment? Fuck her. Not literally, but it's a good thing she's not with you. You gotta see this. If this is the kind of person who would ignore you after saying she loves you then she's a two-faced idiot. Imagine being with her?
"Let's go to Wal-mart. FUCK YOUUUUUUUU!!"
That's what all of your conversations with her would be like. You'd lose your mind and hate your life. I know your perspective is a little narrow due to being in high school and I don't want you to get offended by this. But your world is going to open up like crazy when you graduate. You already mentioned it when you said you'd stop seeing her in school.
If you see her just don't make a big deal out of it. It's going to be tough. But you're going to see people you hate in life and you can't just avoid them or sink into relapse and depression. You're giving yourself a reason to fail by waiting for her to leave and then hiding in video games. It's an excuse to play games.
I think you need to build a mentality of not caring about what she thinks. Don't let this fester or else you'll always end up being passive aggressive and avoiding people and punishing yourself.
This is so true. You need to have enough respect for yourself to tell the other person where to shove it. Otherwise what you're doing is giving that person who doesn't care about you complete power and dominance over your life. They don't deserve that power. Nobody does.
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I think it's possible to have a very healthy relationship with masturbation. It isn't the act specifically that causes a problem, but the way people go about it. There are actually a lot of health benefits to regular masturbation, including stress and depression relief.
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21 hours ago, Ikar said:
About the whole texting thing, I could be biased, since I texted with my ex for about a month before we met in person, but I use messaging to just set up meetings nowadays, with the exception of friends abroad. I don't think it is desperate to text first or to wish good morning and good night (it's actually cute), but I'd just rather spend all the time texting with the woman herself in person. After all, if I am serious about my future date, I have more than enough revealing text on me here that I'd show her.
So texting for me is pretty important because I'll only ever get a chance to see my date 1-2 times a week. I've got a lot going on in my life and the person I'm seeing right now values her independence as well. We're both totally OK with how often we get to see each other so it's just a matter of filling in the gaps in between.
21 hours ago, Ikar said:I think there is a certain knack to be had when it comes to revealing these things. They have to come out naturally, in relation to the matter already being discussed. If they are not linked at all and you just start out with those, you are just trying to impress ("I gamed for 10 years 10 hours a day, but I don't anymore."), win sympathy ("My dog died yesterday.") or trying to get yourself an advantage in another underhanded way, even if the things you say are true. However, if somebody randomly asked me about my past, in order to be honest with myself and with them, I'd have to mention my addiction in the first couple of sentences.
Yes! You totally got it!
Anyways, as it turns out, this person I'm seeing is completely cool with candid conversation. We went into a whole host of personal topics. She expressed how nice it was to actually have a conversation regarding expectations around sex, among other things. This is like my dream courtship. I'm really happy right now. 🙂
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1 hour ago, Amphibian220 said:
Jay
Do you want to change the format of the date?
like tell her to take a friend and you will take somebody you trust with you. What if this support will smooth things out and will melt your doubts and self-criticism?
I'll be completely honest, I'm not comfortable with this idea at all. I'm totally fine with going it alone. But thanks for the suggestion!
1 hour ago, BooksandTrees said:I'm glad you guys went on that date and got connected. Congratulations! Let this fill you with pride. The discomfort you feel about this situation might raise anxiety levels within you, but they're also excitement levels that can sometimes be misconstrued as anxiety due to how much anxiety you've faced recently in the past few years. Try to embrace this a little more and allow yourself to be excited and happy. It seems like you're holding back because you're afraid of being hurt, which can happen and is common.
I'd enjoy each date when it comes and just take it day by day until you either move forward and become bf/gf or break things off.
For the anxiety things, music helps me at work for sure. I suffer similar anxiety that you've mentioned in the past. I get so lost in my own head and can't escape sometimes. It makes me feel so upset that I cry and want to smash everything around me in a fit of rage. Music helps in this situation. After about one song my mind is clear and I can just focus on work and life. After 5 songs I don't need any more music. Other times I've gone on walks or sang in the car.
I wouldn't mention to her about your anxiety or any depression issues until you're multiple dates in. If you come off as too revealing with emotional needs the woman can be scared off because she might think you don't have anyone to talk to about these issues. Everyone has problems and it can be annoying when you're on a date for some excitement and prospective future and the person mentions issues with anxiety, depression, etc. I'm not saying this in a bad way either.
It's only the second date. Keep things casual and try to allow the date to be a period of your day where you don't have your anxieties, worries, and stressors. Have it be a pure period of fun and engagement with this woman or any other woman you end up dating. Don't mention about being unsure how to be a boyfriend either. The first few dates it's important to not reveal many insecurities so that you're viewed in a different light. It's not being fake, it's just not overwhelming them.
Be excited. You deserve love. Sometimes it is found fast and others it isn't. You're doing a great job putting yourself out there and should feel happy about it.
Honestly, you're right, I am holding some parts of me back for fear of rejection. As an example, society has this idea that texting first somehow makes you the desperate one. Whereas I just don't care. If I'm the one texting first every time, I really just don't care at all. I want to text good morning and good night every day. I don't understand when taking a few minutes out of your day to show the person you like that you're thinking of them became a sign of desperation...
I'll be completely honest, I also don't subscribe at all to the idea of holding back on certain topics just because it's date x. Now, this isn't a typical courtship because we exchanged about a novel's worth of information with each other over Match before the first date. However, I don't see a problem at all with interspersing some more serious topics among the light-hearted banter. I do agree about not spilling the entire life story right away so it doesn't become overwhelming. Even still, I told her about the game addiction, and I told her I do face some anxiety issues (without going into too much detail... she actually asked me to elaborate but I told her I wasn't ready to share that yet), and she shared with me some stuff about her own past, and she still seems very interested, so...
Anyways, I don't plan on elaborating too much about the anxiety until it becomes relevant to the courtship. Not because I think it's too early, but because the anxiety only exists in my head and it's MY responsibility to deal with it. I don't want anyone to have to help me with it unless they're a medical professional. My interactions with others should be fun, engaging, exciting, etc. and not an extra therapy session. I refuse to turn my future partner into that. Ideally, she never finds out anything else about it.
Anyways, thanks guys for the posts! I think tomorrow will say a lot about where this thing is going. 🙂
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20 minutes ago, BooksandTrees said:
Sorry for sounding rude. I'm just pissed.
I think my therapist is the only one besides my dad who gets what I'm feeling and it's helped a lot. I just struggle without him. He's been on vacation often.
All good man. It was my bad.
Have you ever considered online counselling? I'm getting pretty good results from that.
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Shifting from a results-oriented mindset to process-oriented changed a lot for me. I think that's a really great suggestion.
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1 minute ago, BooksandTrees said:
I've had a therapist for 3 years and mention it in here often. I also wrote in my steps to gaming recovery and 500 days without it that it was the first step I made...
Sorry bro. I did read your 500 days post but I must have missed that bit. 😞
Do you find then that the therapist isn't working for you? Are they not available to talk to when you need them?
Dear Diary...
in Daily Journals
Posted
Hey, your shift in attitude has become very noticeable lately. I think that's a very positive step.
Keep up the good work, I think you're doing great!