Jump to content

NEW PODCAST: Can You Still Play Games on the Weekend?


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Country


Everything posted by seriousjay

  1. Hey James, how's it going? 🙂
  2. NaNoWriMo has arrived woohoo! I wrote a modest 275 words last night but they might have been the best words I've ever put together so far. My writing has definitely gotten better, and quickly. 😄
  3. So last night, after reading another article about what you're "supposed to do" when taking pictures for online dating I finally had enough and deleted everything except Match. That one is probably going to end up in the garbage can as well. I KNOW I'm an awesome guy. However, if the world of online dating is such that being your awesome self isn't good enough then it doesn't deserve my presence. Ultimately what I'm looking for is to start a family one day. If I can't find someone who can look past all the superficial garbage and try to create a real connection based on something meaningful then I'm just going to adopt a kid and be content with that. Adoption has been something I've thought about from time to time anyways. Obviously this doesn't absolve me of the responsibility I have to continue with self-improvement and making myself the most desirable human I can possibly be. However, from now on I'm going to be doing all that for the person that matters the most to me in this world-myself. If that isn't good enough for anyone, then so be it. Also, my sentences are way too long!
  4. Bleh. Today was a bit of a rough day and now I can't sleep because my mind has decided to latch on to and ruminate about my relationship status. The more I go on, the more I realize I really need to bite the damn bullet and start cold approaching women. I don't know why it's so hard for me. 😞
  5. For me your mindset is a direct reflection of how you think about yourself. There are some easy ways to improve that: practice personal hygiene, wear nice clothes, walk around with a smile on your face, hang out with other positive people, listen to positive music... Other things you can do that will help you if you consistently practice them: meditation, gratitude, self-love, self-compassion (reframing negative thoughts, ie. "I suck at x" turns into "One day I'll become really good at x") One important thing to remember is that if you're not that positive right now, it's not likely to change overnight. It's something you've really gotta work hard at to see results. However in my opinion everything begins with your mindset so it's extremely important to cultivate as much positivity as you can. Best of luck!
  6. Tonight for probably the first time I went with what my feelings were telling me and did not get a bunch of junk food. I've got to remember to trust my feelings going forward-they already intuitively know what's best for me I think.
  7. There are so many soft skills you pick up during your school years, elementary and high school especially that you don't even realize until you're much older. A LOT of your social development happens during that time-literally years of social interactions every single day. While we can't go back and replay those years, we do have an advantage as adults that we didn't as kids-awareness and maturity and I've found those two things helped my social growth go pretty quickly. Especially since that improvement was done with great intention and purpose. Welcome to the forums Rojo!
  8. A perfect segue into my post... I seem to have gotten back on track over the last few days with respect to my habits and I have no idea why. I go back to my axiom of if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward and wonder if it applies here. I definitely experienced some personal development stagnation, writing goals stagnation, etc. during the last month and I found it really easy to go back to eating fast food and watching gaming videos. It wasn't that I was having trouble resisting it-I didn't even WANT to resist it. The insights I've gleaned through my MBTI assessments have been a big deal for me. I've recognized why certain patterns played out in my past and why certain things are happening now. I think that's given me the motivation to get back to my goals and habits. So it would appear that consistently moving forward (the idea of momentum) is especially important for me to stay on track. Ah, such are the mysteries of life. Unlike video games, there is usually nothing binary about life's challenges, which can be quite frustrating but very exciting and stimulating at the same time!
  9. I need to find a way to better manage days when I feel really down and don't want to do anything at all. I stayed with it for a while and eventually I became motivated again. Probably in no small part thanks to the coffee I drank, haha. Anyways I'm glad last week is over. My brother is back from his vacation and I can get back to a more normal routine now.
  10. It's the best way to start at least. Speaking of which, I haven't completed mine yet!
  11. Success is when preparation meets opportunity. It's definitely natural to feel less confident about things if you're not prepared, ie. showering, deodorant, etc. I think morning routines, even if it's something as basic as get up, shower, breakfast, meditate, gratitude (mine) are critical to prepare you for the day ahead. Just keep in mind a radical change in the way you do things isn't going to become a routine immediately. You're going to have to intentionally work at it before it becomes a habit, and some things, no matter how hard you try (like me getting up at 5 AM!) simply don't end up working out, and I think that's perfectly fine too! Eventually you will figure out what works for you. 🙂 Cheers!
  12. I did a few different versions of the MBTI test. I think I got ISFJ once, INFJ once and INFP three times. I definitely identify the most with INFP. Because humans are complex creatures that cannot be put into generic boxes, there are some aspects of it that I don't agree with. Like I mentioned though, I think this is best used as another tool to try to understand myself as opposed to being something I live by. For example, it helped me realize my chronic stress... lol.
  13. So yesterday I came to realize that I'm chronically stressed and didn't even realize it. Just reading more about my personality type, the signs that an INFP is stressed are snapping at people, being overly harsh and critical, etc., which I find happens at least a few days out of the week. I don't know if it's because I am incompatible with my job (too much activation of the logic and reasoning function which I generally struggle with anyways) or if it's the job itself, but it's something to be mindful of going forward and finding a way to manage. I also think I might be taking the MBTI stuff a little too seriously as well, which often happens when I come across these "epiphany" type discoveries. It's a great tool for putting my life into perspective (honestly... a LOT of things make sense in the context of the INFP personality type for me), but to treat it as the be all end all of my life doesn't seem healthy. I'll take what useful things I can from it and continue working on myself in other ways as well. Either way, it's really funny. Until yesterday, I thought I actually did a really great job of managing stress and not letting things bother me, etc. Which I still think I do, but clearly there's room for improvement as well!
  14. I find that framing things in a compassionate way is the best approach to success later on. Also not beating yourself up over things you didn't get done!
  15. That's always a good approach. You don't need to date everyone. She might have a really great single friend that you get to meet at some point.
  16. Well I wasn't specifically talking about money or jobs, just in general. Health, productivity, etc.
  17. Why is that even a thing? Wtf? And I thought mansplaining was one of the dumbest things I've ever heard about... Honestly sometimes I do worry about the future of mankind... lol.
  18. Don't even need to bring money in. People who make a habit of wise decisions generally will do a lot better in all areas of life than those who do not.
  19. As I do more reading about my personality type I've begun to realize that a whole new universe of understanding has opened up to me. Suddenly, so much of what happened in the past and the way things are now makes so much sense. Even just the validation that my current struggles aren't because I'm weak or not good enough-that there's an actual REASON for them-is incredibly empowering. That doesn't absolve me of the responsibility of continuing to get better-in fact, personal development is one of the critical foundations of healthy INFPs-but it does help to put things into better perspective and context. This is pretty much all because of Val, the girl I've been seeing lately. It reminds me of the saying that everyone in your life is there for a reason, a season or a lifetime. Even if she's only here for a short time, she's given me a gift that is far more impactful than anything she could do for me as a girlfriend, I think. EDIT: Just one example that I want to jot down here. I still struggle with fast food and the INFP function stack suggests that my struggle is because the introverted feeling function is my dominant. I make the decision to have fast food based on the way I feel in the moment. Logical reasoning has historically been only mildly effective at countering it and there's a good reason for it-extraverted thinking, the one function of an INFP that is responsible for logic and reasoning is the inferior function of an INFP and therefore not well developed or accessible. I see two ways within this framework to deal with this. I can either develop a stronger extraverted thinking function that is more readily accessible and able to resist the introverted feeling function, or I can create a feeling within myself that contradicts the fast food decision that is even stronger than the feeling that leads to making said decision. I don't think INFPs are very good at restraint-our creative minds by definition want to be as free as possible to allow the greatest potential for our imaginations-so I think the latter is the way to go. Now I need to figure out how to go about doing that! Man I haven't been this excited about something in a very long time!
  20. Yep. It's the phenomenon of pedestalitis. In general, males who get even a hint of interest from a woman instantly do that and put themselves in the friend zone. That's right guys-you are putting yourselves in the friend zone, not the other way around! Interestingly enough, my little sister helped me with this. Constant exposure to females seems to make it easier to see them as normal humans. I also happen to have quite a few female friends now as well. It all helps!
  21. Damn James nice work! You'll be the talk of the country in no time. 😉
  22. I've heard that before too, that women generally do not enjoy what they have to do in porn movies. Sadly, so many males watch porn on a regular basis that it's become ingrained in them that women actually enjoy that stuff. I wonder if that's a big contributor to sexual dissatisfaction in relationships... just this disconnect with expectation vs. reality. That being said, there seems to be science to suggest that most women aren't sure about a relationship until they sleep with a man. Sexual compatibility and attraction in my opinion is probably the main factor that contributes to a relationship's long-term viability. When your partner excites you that way, I think it makes everything else just that much better. Yeah, I don't exactly fit into the INFP box that neatly. For example, I don't have a "woe is me" attitude about not feeling like I'm heard or appreciated. If I feel that way, it's because I don't go out of my way to be recognized, and I'm at peace with that. The people that I have a real connection with will be able to identify and appreciate the things that I do and it doesn't need to be mentioned either... although it's nice to hear it from time to time. 🙂 I definitely think everyone is completely unique and you can find at least a little bit of each of the 16 types in everyone. That's the beautiful thing about people. 🙂 EDIT: Also, yeah, masturbation and porn definitely don't leave me satisfied at all. It's just this feeling of like "yeah whatever". I think that resonates a lot stronger with me because love-making to me is about your partner. It's about the physical expression of your love and commitment. There are few things more beautiful than that in this world.
  23. Thanks for the kind words. All I can ask for is that my example inspires others to live their very best life. Until the last three weeks, I didn't find porn all that problematic. For a long time I actually stopped masturbating entirely until I read about some benefits of it. I think it's possible to have a healthy relationship with masturbation, it's just a matter of finding a good balance. Porn, however, is something I don't want anything to do with for a lot of reasons and when I'm going well, I don't find it hard to stay away from it. --- I'm starting to buy into the Myers-Briggs personality thing. Reading about the INFP personality type, which most tests peg me as, I strongly identify with most traits of that type. I'm going to try to understand it more and see if there's anything I can take away from that understanding to improve myself. Really I think a big key to happiness is understanding and loving yourself. If you have that solid foundation then there's very little that can knock you off track. I also think it's very important to have that foundation to have a healthy romantic relationship as well.
  24. Barriers have never worked for me. Even when I deleted my Steam account for example I just went and rebought whatever game I wanted to play. Furthermore, I don't believe negative reinforcement-in this case, restricting access to things-is an effective strategy for long-term success. Especially for me, since in the past when I've re-acquired access to the thing I was abstaining from, I would end up binging on that thing anyways. I got my gratitude/self-love practice in this morning and that's about it. I was busy literally all day. On the plus side, my date this evening with a girl I've been seeing went quite well I think. I ended up getting chicken wings on the way home and watched more gaming videos, but I'm not TOO concerned about that for now. I didn't expect my habits to change overnight after screwing around for 3 weeks. The important thing is getting back to the things that made it easier to stick to my positive habits, which will happen soon. Going to bed now. Will do my gratitude/self-love evening practice and meditation before falling asleep. There wasn't much I could do about it aside from getting up earlier, but I think skipping my meditation in the morning probably contributed to my weakness with the chicken wings later on. Well, that and barely eating anything all day I suppose.
  25. So the last three weeks have been a lot of going back to old habits (porn and masturbation, daily fast food, gaming videos, etc.) and I think a big (main?) reason for it is that I've gotten away from the things that made me successful in the first place. Mainly, my twice a day gratitude and self-love practice. I guess I didn't realize how much of a ripple effect that stuff had on the rest of my life. It's really reinforced one of my axioms - if you're not moving forward, you're moving backward. I'm also going to go back to regular journaling. If something is helping you and it doesn't take a great deal of time or effort, why stop? I'm a big believer in the law of attraction and one way I'm going to think of my gratitude and self-love practice is like a prayer to the universe. People that believe in a god pray to said god for help, right? I don't see why the universe in the context of the law of attraction should be any different. Here's to better days ahead!
  • Create New...