seriousjay

Hey, your shift in attitude has become very noticeable lately. I think that's a very positive step. Keep up the good work, I think you're doing great!

You did the right thing. She definitely didn't see you as a priority and you deserve much better than that. Not saying she should have dropped everything to see you but to wait that long between messages when you're trying to organize a date is pretty telling of her interest level. Just remember that has nothing to do with you. 🙂

Good luck with the weekend! But remember if it doesn't go as planned don't be too hard on yourself. Change is hard.

OMG those pics. Wow!!!

I'm not too sure, and out of respect for my friend and his daughter I don't want to share specific details. Only that they had to go through at least 2 psychiatrists to get a proper diagnosis. Sometimes it takes a while to get set up with the right person.

Well ultimately it's up to your judgment of course. I know of at least one instance with my friend where a psychiatrist failed to properly diagnose his daughter's mental health issue. It got frighteningly close to being too late before someone else finally had the courage to diagnose it properly. I'm not saying you have a mental health issue. Just that I see a lot of patterns repeating frequently and with how badly depressed and anxious you get, I just wonder if there's something else going on.

Hey, at the risk of having missed some information you've already shared once again, but have you gotten a psychiatrist's opinion about your mental health? Like a proper diagnosis? It really seems to me that the same patterns keep repeating over and over again and I wonder if there's something going on that you'll need a professional's help with. I think you've got a lot of potential in life. You are obviously very talented at what you do. However, I've seen and experienced firsthand how crippling mental health issues can be.

First, sorry if I came off as abrasive. You handled it really well here! I think when it comes to new things, there's this initial excitement where it's new and fun and exciting. Then it starts to feel very boring and repetitive once the novelty has worn off. This is a critical time in hobby formation. This is where you'll decide if you want to stick with it or not. Eventually, once you get really good at it and start producing some really awesome things, and maybe even have people appreciate those things, it becomes fun again. It's just a matter of if you're willing to work through that crappy period where it feels more like work. I'm at this point with the violin, and I've been at this point with writing for a while. It helps if you've got some long-term goals attached to those hobbies. Maybe you want to perform at events. Maybe you want to publish a book. Those types of goals keep you motivated and energized when the act of doing those hobbies no longer gives you joy. I think it's a really huge step to get to a point where you're no longer being affected by what other people around you are doing. A lot of the time, things like that affect us because of our own insecurities. I can attest to that from personal experience. Just keep up the fight man!

A couple of things here: 1) Your life isn't always going to feel exciting. That's the dopamine talking. There are going to be days where the last thing you want to do is the activities that under normal circumstances you know you enjoy. You're going to have days where all you want to do is lay in your bed and stare at the ceiling and be lazy. The difference between the average person and the exceptional person is that the exceptional person understands those days are going to happen, and then goes out and does the things that make them exceptional regardless. They have a success mindset, that no matter what, they will continue pursuing their goals and not allow things like laziness or "not feeling it" get in the way. Obviously this is much easier said than done, but through dedicated practice you can get there. Like anything else, the determination to push through laziness or discomfort is a skill that must be honed. 2) You seem to have a great deal of bitterness towards other people, even people you don't know. You judge the people that walk around in the gym between sets staring others down, but do you consider that perhaps they are doing that to compensate for a great deal of insecurity they feel about themselves? Everyone has a story, everyone has their problems. Judging someone for those things, things that you don't have a damn clue about is not productive or conducive to your future success. Even the other day where you got pissed because I missed the part about you already seeing a therapist. I mean... there are much, much more important things to get stressed out about. Eleanor Roosevelt said: I don't dare to judge you. But I strongly encourage you to figure out which one you fall under. This hatred and animosity you hold for other people is not healthy and it's not helping you. It's really important for you to figure out the source of this and deal with it. You're going to have a great deal of trouble achieving the things you want in life until you do.

I would say if you're still addicted, which it seems to me that you are, then I would stay away from games entirely. You obviously have a very strong emotional attachment to EU4 which you're justifying by saying it's helping you with history, geography, etc. If the latter was true, then you could do other things to fulfill that desire, like read history and geography books, explore your local area, do geocaching, etc. The fantasies and cravings may or may not stop. I think that's an experience unique to each individual. I don't think the goal should be to try to stop those things from happening. For what it's worth, Cam Adair still experiences cravings from time to time. The important part is managing them and understanding that they do not have to define you. Good luck! If you need any further help feel free to post again! 🙂

So I am officially in a relationship with the woman I met on Match. The honeymoon phase has definitely settled in lol. One thing that I knew was going to happen as a result of this was other things in my life feeling less important and wanting to spend most/all of my attention on her, and it is happening. So I've got to find a new balance that includes her. I'm STILL ultimately responsible for my own happiness so I cannot give up doing the other things I really value.

Sure I can post in my journal about it. It's off topic here. Don't want to derail your journal!

Yeah for sure I definitely feel the honeymoon phase going on lol. But it's going to be really important for me to find that balance I need so that I can both satisfy my partner but also satisfy the things that I want as well! On top of juggling my life at home... lol. Great problem to have though.

I think one of the most important skills to develop is self-awareness. One challenge I'm facing right now with this new relationship I'm in is my partner sort of consuming my attention. The other things that I know I love seem less important. I knew this was coming however and I was aware of it developing. It's just a matter now of finding a new balance with this new person being a part of that.

The best way to deal with failure is to practice self-compassion. Beating yourself up over things has been scientifically proven to make it easier to justify doing the very thing you're beating yourself up over. Try to forgive yourself for messing up and resolve to do better next! This sounds like a great way to spend your time! Your drawings really are excellent, I'm quite impressed. 🙂 I think you need to give yourself much more credit for it. By the way, I'm very impressed with how you handled yourself during your trip. You really deserve a lot of respect for that. That's a lot of abuse to take, especially from a loved one. And make no mistake, what your dad did to you is abuse, whether he'll accept that or not. For that matter, whether YOU'LL accept that or not. You are an amazing person and don't deserve to be treated like that. Keep up the fight, you're doing great! I know it seems hard now but take it from me, it does get better. A lot better. You just gotta keep yourself moving in the right direction. 🙂

Personally I agree with you about cold approaching. I never felt comfortable doing it, nor did I ever really want to do it either. I met the girl I'm with right now over Match. I wasn't really looking for or expecting anything at the time. It sort of just happened. I think if you take the proper steps to prepare yourself and allow yourself to be open to opportunities that come along, then things will sort of just fall into place. I know that sounds super cliche but I do believe in it, but then I'm also a believer in the law of attraction.

Nice job man! You have a great approach with your streaks. Don't be hard on yourself for breaking it, just start a new one. 🙂 If a man experiences sexual arousal at the sight of every woman, then in my opinion something isn't quite right with the man. I go to the gym on a regular basis and while I do appreciate the beauty of fit women, it doesn't arouse nor frustrate me every time I look at them. Then again I am demisexual so maybe this doesn't quite apply to me. I think the best approach is to try to strengthen your resolve, though I have no advice for how to go about that. This has actually become a pretty big issue in society, where people are finally and correctly starting to hold boys and men to higher standards of restraint as opposed to shaming women for wearing what they want to wear.

Oops

This is so true. You need to have enough respect for yourself to tell the other person where to shove it. Otherwise what you're doing is giving that person who doesn't care about you complete power and dominance over your life. They don't deserve that power. Nobody does.

I think it's possible to have a very healthy relationship with masturbation. It isn't the act specifically that causes a problem, but the way people go about it. There are actually a lot of health benefits to regular masturbation, including stress and depression relief. https://www.spermbankcalifornia.com/male-masturbation.html

So texting for me is pretty important because I'll only ever get a chance to see my date 1-2 times a week. I've got a lot going on in my life and the person I'm seeing right now values her independence as well. We're both totally OK with how often we get to see each other so it's just a matter of filling in the gaps in between. Yes! You totally got it! Anyways, as it turns out, this person I'm seeing is completely cool with candid conversation. We went into a whole host of personal topics. She expressed how nice it was to actually have a conversation regarding expectations around sex, among other things. This is like my dream courtship. I'm really happy right now. 🙂

I'll be completely honest, I'm not comfortable with this idea at all. I'm totally fine with going it alone. But thanks for the suggestion! Honestly, you're right, I am holding some parts of me back for fear of rejection. As an example, society has this idea that texting first somehow makes you the desperate one. Whereas I just don't care. If I'm the one texting first every time, I really just don't care at all. I want to text good morning and good night every day. I don't understand when taking a few minutes out of your day to show the person you like that you're thinking of them became a sign of desperation... I'll be completely honest, I also don't subscribe at all to the idea of holding back on certain topics just because it's date x. Now, this isn't a typical courtship because we exchanged about a novel's worth of information with each other over Match before the first date. However, I don't see a problem at all with interspersing some more serious topics among the light-hearted banter. I do agree about not spilling the entire life story right away so it doesn't become overwhelming. Even still, I told her about the game addiction, and I told her I do face some anxiety issues (without going into too much detail... she actually asked me to elaborate but I told her I wasn't ready to share that yet), and she shared with me some stuff about her own past, and she still seems very interested, so... Anyways, I don't plan on elaborating too much about the anxiety until it becomes relevant to the courtship. Not because I think it's too early, but because the anxiety only exists in my head and it's MY responsibility to deal with it. I don't want anyone to have to help me with it unless they're a medical professional. My interactions with others should be fun, engaging, exciting, etc. and not an extra therapy session. I refuse to turn my future partner into that. Ideally, she never finds out anything else about it. Anyways, thanks guys for the posts! I think tomorrow will say a lot about where this thing is going. 🙂

All good man. It was my bad. Have you ever considered online counselling? I'm getting pretty good results from that.

Shifting from a results-oriented mindset to process-oriented changed a lot for me. I think that's a really great suggestion.

Sorry bro. I did read your 500 days post but I must have missed that bit. 😞 Do you find then that the therapist isn't working for you? Are they not available to talk to when you need them?