Florian

Day 22 What am I grateful for today? 1. A good night’s sleep. It's amazing how happy you can be after nightly regeneration. 2. My computer. It allows me to do everything I need professionally. 3. Low-carb diet. There is no limit on the amount of calories that you need, yet you still lose... 4. Body Fat. And body fat melting away is my first goal. 10/22/15: I was at 27.2%, 11/01/15: 27.1%, then the next days always between 26 and 27%, and it was very frustrating, because I kept a diet and nothing really changed. Then, this morning, boom - 25.3% I am sure it will still go up again, but hopefully not beyond 26%. And then in a few weeks I won't go over 25 anymore, then 24, 23 etc. - until I reach my target of 8%. The interesting thing is that I look today at my losses and think - oh well, that did not take too long. Though as late as last week, I was still frustrated because the loss was so slow. What do we learn from that? Progress can be very slow, until all of a sudden there is a jump in results. That's why I measure my body fat every day - because I can. Other areas to improve on I can not follow progress that easily, but I am sure it follows a similar distribution as weight and body fat. 5. Friends and family. Just talked to an old friend today via skype. He has a house now, and told me about his successes and struggles. It's great to share, because it gives you perspective. 6. My audio recorder. Great for noting things without having to write them down. 7. My cello. I can play like other people can drive their car - getting the job done, albeit maybe not always too elegantly. I can simply practise every day 30 min for the next 3 months and then be good enough to play in an orchestra, maybe even for money. I have a hidden source of joy, socializing and even income that I just need to dust off when I want to use it. It's good to think of that not to take things for too granted. 8. A warm apartment. Call me a baby. I absolutely need warmth around me. In that sense, I am like a Cardassian (I bet I am not the only one who understands that reference...:-). Yeah, I am still a nerd at heart. 9. Protein Shakes. Can you say "chocolate" without cocoa? 10. Coffee. Black like the night from which I am born every day. What would make today great? If I got a realistic assessment how long I really need for all my tasks, because then I can plan better. Daily affirmation. I am still keeping one blog post per day! Three amazing things that happened today. 1. I was being able to post to Facebook an check out replies form friends to my posts while only staying on there for 5 minutes! Same for Twitter. It helps to define beforehand what I will do on social media. Then, I go in, do my job and go out. I wish I could do away with Social Media, but since I want to build up my online presence, I need to learn how to use these media, how to tell my story on there. Still, telling a story is different from clicking around. I listened to a video from Gary Vaynerchuk today, where he described how he grew his "Wine Library" in 2008 on twitter - he spent 15 (!) hours per day on there tweeting to everyone to promote his brand. 15 h is serious work. Very impressive. And I am sure Cam and everyone else on here who builds up his own work, family, anything meaningful in life at one point invests long hours into repetitive work. But if you love what you do, it's never feels like "work". And once you are successful, you remember the good feelings, not the tediousness of any process. Similar to my body fat loss above. 2. I recognized just in time that I had forgotten to put the mug under the coffee filter. Small wins! 3. I also recognized that the 1,000+ words in the morning are a good time to come up with 10 ideas. How could I have made today better? I could have had more sleep. Talking to a homeless person. It's not difficult to find one, unfortunately, in New York City. So I talked to Scott, who sits at the corner at the New York public library. His wife sits at the corner across the street. Scott lost his home in Brooklyn due to a fire and that was that. He makes $30 - $40 per day, sometimes less... on good days he can afford to sleep in a hotel in Jersey, on bad days he sleeps on the street. He would not want to go to a homeless shelter, because... those are full of drug addicts and people with alcohol problems, and he did not want to get close to them. It's easier to become homeless than you think.

Joe, I admire how you focus on the small steps and simply do them and be happy about it. I find a certain light-headedness about them that is inspiring.

Day 21 What am I grateful for today? 1. Starting the week on a sunday. It's a nice trick - while everyone chills, you can get work done away from the hustle and bustle. Then, on monday, you are already back in the swing of things. 2. Friends. Life is great and even better with company. 3. My iPad. The best part: it's still the very first version. I did not go "with the time" and got a new gadget when it came out - what I had was sufficient for me. Practised minimalism! 4. Getting up early. I love the mornings. 5. Old photos. Looking at old photos is looking at the past, so you can understand yourself for the future. 6. Low-carb diet. I am a bit surprised that I did not have cravings for sweets yet. Well, maybe a bit, but far less than I expected. 7. Cold showers. Refreshing and good. 8. Writing in the morning. I am now drafting my blog posts 30 minutes after waking up. 9. My audio recorder. It is so much easier to record my ideas rather than writing them down. 10. My internet connection. I wouldn't be writing this without. What would make today great? If I manage to buy someone a coffee ;-) Daily affirmation. Even if things don't always seem to proceed, I know that with daily effort, they eventually will! Three amazing things that happened today. 1. My latest article got more unique visits than my best one from august. My blog is growing! 2. Realized that one of the most dangerous ways to fall back into distractions is to have podcasts running while I take care of small stuff. Podcasts while working out, writing long posts etc. - not a problem. Small steps it is. So I avoid the podcasts during those times! 3. Got my next reminder for the Jersey City Young Professionals via meetup. I would have felt like a fraud in the past to go there, because I am just beginning my blog, now however I go because it could be fun, and I stay away if it is not fun anymore. How could I have made today better? I could have streamlined my latest blog post. It was a list of 14 movies and why I liked them. So I took a long time by writing it one paragraph, searching for a good video, inserting it, next paragraph etc. Of course that takes a while. Better ideas how to write in the future: How to write a blog post - or anything else for that matter - efficiently 1. Get enough sleep, so you can write faster. 2. Write when you are most productive (for me, that's in the morning, not early afternoon). 3. Don't correct words while you draft your text, do it when you edit it. 4. Set yourself a deadline to finish your draft, so you don't have time to be too critical or correct while you write. 5. Do a predraft, if necessary, with only brainstorming ideas. Then write your first draft. Then edit. 6. Stop judging yourself. My first blog post with "10 ideas" was retweeted by a more advanced blogger, so now in every following blog post, I was worried about the quality of my writing. That led to hesitation and slowed me down. Which is ridiculous, because I did not worry about quality that much for my first post - which was actually retweeted. I think the most important part is making sure that I like the ideas that I have when I write my posts, not how I arrange the text or how well I flesh them out. That'll be fine in the end. Paying it forward There were maybe 5 people in the Dunkin Donuts. My visits there for the GameQuitters missions are probably keeping the business afloat Cam, are you aware that your site creates and maintains jobs? There was a guy in front of me who got donuts for himself and his girlfriend, and I just paid them for him. He was happy, slightly confused, thanked me and slowly walked out of the restaurant. Nothing special about the conversation, I'll attach the file just as a "proof" . I do realize that my voice is pretty strong. That's a good fundament upon which to build. Now I just have to learn to speak a bit more slowly still! 111515 Pay Two Donuts.mov

Those are great ideas. Thanks for the encouragement! To be honest, I feel a bit embarrassed because I am not living in the best neighborhood (although that's always a bit in the eye of the beholder) and have lived here for far too long (worse, because that was under my control). So another step I will take is to sketch out my living situation 3 - 6 months from now. If I have people over with the thought in mind "this may be one of the last parties at this place", it's mentally a lot easier to organize. Maybe the people I'll have over even know people that are moving out of their place or are looking for a room mate etc.

Day 20 What am I grateful for today? 1. A good night’s sleep. I overslept and decided at 6 am I needed an hour longer. 7 am refreshed! 2. Getting up early. 7 am was still early enough. 3. Tap water. We can drink tap water in the US. That's not the case everywhere. 4. Energy in the morning. I am glad that I can directly get up and be running. 5. Calisthenics. The burn afterwards is the best. 6. Colorful fall. What can be better than brown colored leaves? 7. Opportunities for meeting new people. I am looking forward to the meetup groups I am seeing soon! 8. Non-stick cooking pans. No fat necessary. Not much at least. 9. Spices. My dishes taste great since I discovered the hot sauce from the Indian grocery store around the corner. 10. Coffee. Pushes me up. 11. That I can be so focused that I forget the time I spent on writing. What would make today great? When I finish the birthday video for a 50th birthday of a scientist back in Germany. And I also finished, even though it took me much longer than I thought! Daily affirmation. Even if I start my day later, I will still push forward with energy! Three amazing things that happened today. 1. I published my blog post in less time than yesterday. How? I focussed on the text part first, then did the accompanying video, then searched for appropriate pictures, and I was even able to use some of my own! 2. I finished the birthday video and uploaded it. All done! I even figured out (halfway) how to overlay different audio tracks on iMovie. My plan was to record myself with my cello first, then use that recording to play a second track on top of it. Cello duo played consecutively. The only reason I did not use the video was that my playing was not good enough for me. The technical part I had worked out. Guess I have to practise a little bit more. 3. I discovered an amazing hot sauce. My meals are tasting so great now! And it does not burn twice. if you know what I am saying. How could I have made today better? I could have worked a little more efficient in the morning. Somehow I was slow and only sped up towards the afternoon. Guess that is just normal. Dinner Party Just sent out some invitations to friends. Not sure about the theme yet, but I got it started.

You know yourself. If you are worried about playing, it's probably not a good idea. And yes, I'd think playing one night would indeed violate any detox. As for activities - I can recommend a good book to read: "The Neverending Story" or "Momo", both by Michael Ende. In the Neverending Story, the main hero is on a journey where he must resurrect a fantasy world through his own imagination without forgetting his own roots and losing himself. In "Momo", a group of "Grey Men" steals people's time by hooking them up to thoughts of efficiency and consumerism. Both books easy reads and some of my absolute favorites. And the longer I think about it, fitting nicely into the topic of quitting games!

Ha! I am almost 40. I am also looking to find a different purpose than what I have done so far with my job, and I have to say, 30+ is by no means old! Every day is a new beginning. There are plenty of inspiring stories around, Joe's being one of them here. I find if you are older, you know yourself better and have more life experience. The only downside to me is that I can't walk home from parties at 5 am anymore and then be back up and running at 9 am. Beyond that, if you eat well, work out, read good literature, e.g, the Slight Edge, you're good. Some 20 year olds are actually already like 70, while some 70 year olds still kick their own son's asses. Or like Benjamin Franklin said: Many people die at twenty five and aren't buried until they are seventy five. Good luck on your journey!

I just realized this morning when I looked at my vision board - these goals won't work unless I build a lifestyle around them. For example, seeing the "Ring of the Nibelung" around the world will work well, because I already love classical music and opera and I live this aspect of my lifestyle. Getting a sports car and a fancy apartment, on the other hand, will work best if I know people with similar goals and mindsets. Being on a military submarine also means that I may need to build some inroads with US Army members, at least. I strongly believe that anything we achieve in life is a byproduct of the habits we install. And the complete set of habits forms our lifestyle. Then, too, your vision is not just one day in the future. Maybe not even your "ideal day". Your long-term goals need to be a "side effect" of the lifestyle you are building. That's why it's so important to surround ourselves with people we love to hangout with. I also expect the more people I meet, the more specific and refined my goals will become.

Well put, Florian. I think I am doing what you say - trying to focus on my habits. Sometimes this requires doing things that we may not feel like doing in the moment. For example, I went to my trivia group last night even though I was tired and not feeling particularly social at the time. But I still had a good time, and it's important because it helps establish me as a regular in that social group. It also got my mind off the girl, so it was healthy over all. Our habits can help us stay steady when the winds might throw us off course. That's exactly what I meant. Keep on keeping on!

Day 19 What am I grateful for today? 1. Getting up early. Still can't wait to begin the next day when I sleep. Seriously, sleeping is the only thing in my life right now I could do without... 2. Writing. It's a form of acted out meditation for me. 3. 10 Idea Challenge. Every day a blog post. Exhausting but good. 4. Living in the US. I love the different landscapes and climates all within one country. 5. Darkness in the morning. It feels like I am up before the day comes around. 6. Low carb diets. Even though I am not losing much body fat right now, I am still committed and not giving up. See below. 7. Brahms String Quartets. Although now that I write this I am listening to the Brandenburg concertos by Bach. 8. My vision board. It's great to look at it every morning and remind myself of my goals. 9. Having the whole day in front of me. That goes with getting up early. 10. Warmth. I am grateful for a lot of things, and there are only a few things I draw a line - cold is one of them. What would make today great? When my video will upload to Youtube without any sync problems. And it did! Daily affirmation. If I am exhausted right now, it's just my body and mind catching up to new boundaries. Three amazing things that happened today. 1. I published another blog post. I think I have it down now to publish regularly around 6 pm. I am also ahead two days of my won schedule. Meaning I have the raw blog post for the day after tomorrow drafted today. That way, if some emergency arrives, I can still post. 2. I recalculated my calories and realized that my assumptions were wrong: steak does have fat. Surprisingly, I was surprised about that. So I recalculated my portions and came to a quite different result for my low carb diet - though still a diet I can follow. I'll see how that goes. 3. I cooked for the next week. My non-stick frying pan really made me use only very little additional fat, which was great. How could I have made today better? I was a bit distracted in the evening - my energy level went down. Maybe I should have sat down with a book. People I want to meet People I'd like to meet are: (a) Open to new ideas and creative. (b) Definitely positive-minded. (c) They can be either intro-or extrovert, I am pretty much in the middle. (d) It would be a bonus if they don't depend on TV. (e) They like to share a beer or two in a smaller group. (f) They are entrepreneurial and want to create something. So... I searched for a "young professionals" group in Jersey City/NY, and the closest one just met today. Hmph! I'll join when they have a new dtae in their calendar. So I spent like forever searching for the right course on meetup.com, and of course where do I end up, me, the efficient German? The "Getting Things Done" meetup in NYC next Monday at 7 pm. But its' actually awesome, because the full title is "Minimalism, Simple Living and Getting Things Done". It's funny, because I could not really describe the group of people I want to hang out with - I rather be open to everyone. However, "Getting Things Done" seems to have found me. That is a central theme in my life: I wait until I see something I find interesting and then jump on it. I am wondering whether I should rather learn to do it the other way around: first define what I really like and then finding the right group. Be that as it may, I am stoked for having found the group. Then, I signed up for an opera meetup group in NYC, next meeting is the 20th of November for Puccini's Tosca.

Thank you. 5 years ago I would not have thought of the possibility of getting free conversational advice, now I am getting it for free. Thankful!

I would also mention 11. PIZZA!!!!! ;-)

Money spent on books is never wasted.

This is great. It is one of the core messages of David Allen's "Getting Things Done" - which is a bit on the dry side to read. You summarized it here much more entertainingly.

Great for doing the Xmas shopping early! Whenever some event throws me off course, I focus too much on it. To me, the most successful mindset is to focus on our habits every day - simply because habits are something we can control. The outcome we can not. Events are something that sort of happens on the side. As a scientist, it is the same: you practise your experiments, and the findings you do are a biproduct of your work. Of course, when those events are not occuring to your satisfaction, then you can adjust your habits accordingly. But then as always, the focus is on our habits. That what we can control. If we focus on something like one specific girl, a specific amount of weight we want to lose or a promotion at work, we surrender to something out of our own control. That can't make us happy on the long run.

Joe, I like your introductions. "Today was a xxx day". It sets the tone for the rest of your writings. It's a great technique, I think - you get your main point - your feeling about the day - off your chest first, then follow up with some details Good luck with your test tomorrow!

Thanks, Cam! Conversation should be easy flowing, I think. It is actually natural for people to talk to each other. No idea why that becomes so difficult. Day 18 What am I grateful for today? 1. Getting up early. Still the best. 2. My supplements. They get me started in a good way. 3. Mastermind Meetings. I am in a really helpful group for my blog- I guess that is already another group I belong to. 4. My space heater. I like it comfy. 5. Elvis Presley. For some odd reason, I have listened a lot to the King lately. 6. Fall in New England. It's just beautiful. 7. Cold showers. Yes, I still take them. I hesitate a little bit, but almost two years of cold showering will not be undone, even if I was in the arctic! 8. The 10 Idea Challenge. It's inspiring to come up with new ideas every day. 9. Coffee. The elixir of Gods. Maybe? 10. My cello. Listening to music is great, making it even better. What would make today great? If I finished the "longer conversation" routine for this day's challenge. Daily affirmation. Even if progress sometimes lags, I will get right back into it. Three amazing things that happened today. 1. Just mentioning my name in a conversation triggered somebody else to approach me enthusiastically (more below). 2. I got good advice from the mastermind meeting. 3. I am getting more visitors on my blog! 307 within the last 7 days, and in the three weeks before only 65 per week. I am really curious to see how daily posting will affect my long-term gain of visitors. Will it flatten out or become exponentially more? I committed to working on my blog one hour per day and to publish two articles per week - that made all the difference. 4. On another note, I figured out how to (a) work iMovie and (b) how to fix a syncing issue between audio and video on some of my Youtube videos. Once my daily posting becomes more regular, I will finish the NoNothingNovember booklet by the end of november, so I have an actual product that I can offer (free of charge, but still) once more people are visiting my site. It's a bit crazy, but I feel I have to prepare for the next stage in my blog (ultimately my business) while I just finished the stage before. But it's also exciting. I think when we stop developing and lean back, that's precisely where the power of the "Slight Edge" will sink us. Still, I did not realize I got so many new visitors compared to before, and maybe it's not much in the long run - still, I am a bit exhausted ;-) No TV or stuff like that, one hour to bed and I am still typing here. I feel my work drags me along with it, in a good way. How could I have made today better? I am still feeling surprised that blog posting takes me so long - it's probably a matter of time to get the time down. Longer conversations This is basically a repeat of day 17, this time with me introducing myself and/or keeping the conversation for longer. I learned useful stuff about myself just from recording the conversations. I started the conversations mainly by asking for the time. New Neighbor Did not think this guy would talk to me, but he did. He stood 6 feet away during the conversation, and I did not want to intrude into his space, I guess I could have come closer. Taking the lead in moving people around is still something I am not doing well, if I don't even dare coming closer, it won't change. I probably just have to people more often and just position myself so they are not miles apart when I talk to them. Most importantly though, I do not see myself as a leader. Why not? Well, first I thought: "Because my Mom..." and then I stopped. Reasons for failure are just excuses, I think - they don't help me. So why do I now not see myself as a leader? Because I see myself as a slightly ridiculous goof. A lovable loser. Not good, I thought I was over that. As is evident in the following conversations: I am talking too fast and I am seeking rapport far too often. Even asking for time I can do with downward inflection in my voice. The uptalk is killing me here! That's technique. Then comes mindset. I have to see myself more as a professional. For example, today, after I listened back to the audios and I was having some technical issues with Youtube, I did not sit in front of my computer and swore, but I thought of ways to fix the problem. Any step I am doing is a step towards working on my professional future. That's the mindset I need to have. The mindset of not taking myself too serious serves me well with others and in life, but I can also see the more negative flipside: It's good to not take life too serious, but I have to take my own dreams serious indeed. Jenny This was a mother waiting for her kids. Sri Lanka An Indian (?) woman in the grocery store behind the cash register who refused to shake my hand out of religious/societal reasons. In these moments I am grateful having grown up in a society that encourages personal freedom and has done away with restrictive interpersonal barriers. Joanne One of the supermarket cashiers waiting outside - I teased her about her hair and she played along. I introduced myself and then... Florio ... another guy working there overheard our conversation and was completely excited to meet the second "Florian" in his life. He had apparently grown up without knowing anyone with the same name. The moral from the story: just start your conversations with ANYTHING. Even your name can seed a second conversation. Sorry You know when you move your food cart through the isle and then someone else moves his or her cart out of the way and apologizes before you said anything? That happened here. So I struck up a conversation after telling her she does not need to be sorry. Pinky The cashier had a broken finger. And guess why? A guy disrespected her and she punched him. O... kay. I guess. Maybe this area of town is not an area I want to retire in. ;-) 01 - New Neighbor.mov 02 - Jenny.mov 03 - Sri Lanka.mov 04 - Joanne.mov 05 - Florio.mov 06 - Sorry.mov 07 - Pinky.mov

So, finally getting an "update in" - I think I have skipped two days of the Game Quitters Challenge, I wrote 4 new blog posts over the weekend, including the corresponding Youtube videos, and that took almost all of my time. Can't believe it. I actually started the 180 Day-10 ideas a day Challenge, based on "Become an Idea Machine" by Claudia and James Altucher. Over 6 months, you write down 10 ideas or more for a given topic. http://lifesciencementor.com/how-to-grow-as-a-person-idea-machine-edition/ Now I have a clear purpose for the next 6 months - I was at first skeptical and thought my enthusiasm got the most of me. One day afetr posting the first video I was actually scared about having publicly signed up to block a certain time every day. But after I did the second video, it became clear to me that this time is actually an investment. I already feel that I have much more energy and ideas. So yeah, maybe weekly videos would be easier, but I like the daily commitment. And who knows what happens within the next 6 months? I can also see much better where I want my blog to go towards, so that is a great side effect also. And what compelled me to take such a challenge in the first place? Being on the Game Quitters forum, that's what. Back to the audios of Day 17. Quick reminder: These conversations are about baiting the other person into saying extending the conversation. After you say "Hi" and "Thank you", for example, when you get a coffee, you say, for example: "Ya, I'm actually not from here." - so the other person says: "Where are you from?" You basically give the other person a reason to do what they always want: talking to you. Maybe that sounds arrogant. And it's nothing like that. Assuming the other person wants to talk to me actually helps me not to take things too seriously: Some people do not want to talk to me. That puts them out of my reality, where people are friendly and indeed want to talk to me. If a person is out of my reality, that's cool. I simply smile and move on and don't try to convince the other person to like me. It took me talking to approximately 1,000+ people (mostly girls ;-) over the last two years until this view on reality settled. Back to the conversations I had. I thought about three different baiting statements: "I am actually not from here."; "I just finished playing my cello." and "I just sent in my manuscript." I used the "cello" and the "not from here" bit. I was not sure how easy people would relate to my "manuscript". 1.) Dunkin Donuts: maybe you don't hear the guy well, but he was as tall as me and despite that very shy. I first mentioned that I am not from here, no response. Then I dug a bit deeper and told him that the small coffee he gave me woud be considered large in Germany. And then he started to get a bit into the conversation. Sometimes people are very shy. You wouldn't believe it by looking at them. If you want to talk to someone and they don't immediately respond, they may just be shy. Sadly, you talking to them might be the first time somebody actually invited them into a conversation. Which is actually very sad, and I do think those are negative side effects of the abundance of Social Media. Which also means people crave real human contact. 2.) Post Office: I was the only customer there and the clerk took a good amount of time trying to fit my Christmas gifts into a package to Germany. I wanted to send ca. $50 worth of Simpsons paraphernalia and Christmas tree decoration to Germany, and it costs $50. I kid you not. For those prices of international shipping, I rather buy it online from the German Amazon account. 3.) Grocery Store: I really thought the cashier would not be interested in classical music, yet I mentioned my cello anyway, and he liked it! Surprise. See what happened there? I was insecure and thought people would not like what I had to contribute. This is interesting to me, because my assumption the others do not "like me enough" sometimes rears its ugly head and as a consequence, I think I need to be extra perfect before I can speak up. Reality shows that that apparently is not true. So the moral of the story is that you have to go and talk to people and/or just dare to get rejected. It will happen less than you think. I heard someone named "Cameron" or something like that even made a video about it ;-) 110715 Florian Dunkin Donuts.mov 110715 Florian Grocery Store.mov 110715 Florian Post Office.mov

I will present the conversational examples later tonight, I have to meet up with friends for now ;-)

Day 17 What am I grateful for today? 1. A good night’s sleep. More sleep, more happiness. 2. Getting up early. I like when the sun comes up and I am already awake. 3. Writing. I have done it now daily for over a year and it really never gets old. 4. Morning workout. Gives me strength, and nothing's better than the burn you feel after you have exerted yourself. 5. Friends and Family. Always having my back. 6. Meditation. It puts a lot of your thoughts in perspective: how you think of yourself, how you effect the environment and vice versa and how present you are in your daily life. For example, I sometimes listen to podcasts while I am doing some busywork. Is that really advisable? Or should I be completely present when doing any work? 7. Kratom. A great supplement, it helps me to relax and increases my happiness. If that was even possible. 8. December soon. The magical month. I love fall and winter because of the power of that month. 9. That the days are long and the years are short. That means: if you can switch off your daily worries, you will realize that you get towards your goals in no time at all. 10. A warm apartment. Yeah, I think having the shower cold is enough "discipline" for the morning. ;-) What would make today great? If I finished going through all my notes that remain. Daily affirmation. I will indeed get it done. Three amazing things that happened today. 1. I got through almost all of my notes. 2. Even though in the past, Saturdays were my "cheat days", I managed to go today without any snacks. Even though I had my Christmas cookies present! 3. I realized that sometimes the reason people are not talking much is that they are a bit shy. Be patient if they don't immediately respond to your "baiting statement". Try again before you walk away. How could I have made today better? I don't know how. It was a good day.

Thanks Joe! Funny you mention Arnold - his "The Education of a Bodybuilder" was one of the best books I have read in the last years.

Even Luke Skywalker did not lift his Starship by stressing about it.

Yes, thanks for the ad. Maybe trying to assert myself all the time made me exhausted. My impression is actually that "seeking rapport" also creates insecurity in the whole conversation. Sometimes I don't want to appear too aggressive in conversation, but now that I think of it - breaking rapport can actually induce comfort in a conversation, especially with a girl. There needs to be one person who leads the conversation.

Day 16 What am I grateful for today? 1. Friends and family. Always having my back. 2. My imagination. Because nowadays, it's only a small step to turn your dreams into reality. 3. My camera. I like the possibility of just having one device to take photos. 4. Music. It's always on my mind. 5. Living in the US. It really is the land of opportunities. 6. Getting up at 5 am. Start into the day as early as possible. 7. That you can learn nearly everything online. Living in the era of opportunity. 8. My space heater. Makes my apartment warm. 9. Having a roof over my head. Shelter from the storm. 10. Books. Goes neatly with #7. What would make today great? 1. If I finished sorting my notes online. Daily affirmation. Slowly and surely, I am moving towards my goals. Three amazing things that happened today. 1. I finished the voice/tonality exercise for this day and learnt a whole lot about my voice. 2. I did my calisthenics even though I did not "feel like it". 3. The snacks I have at home have not challenged my willpower so far. How could I have made today better? I could have gotten a bit more sleep. Voice and Tonality Exercises I was surprised how many elements go into expressive speaking. I also realized once more that I am speaking much too fast. Is this because I have too many thoughts or am I just worried not getting to say in time what I want to say? Maybe practising the different types of rapport and recording my voice while reading some texts aloud will get me used to speaking more slowly. I have attached the audio files of me reciting the first paragraph of my Letter To Myself from Day One. Conventional: first version. Seeking Rapport, Breaking Rapport, Neutral Rapport, Monotonous: different tonalities Incorporating all elements: my first try to apply all the different tonalities. Improvement 03: The best version so far Observations 1. You can't always be seeking rapport. That reveals complete insecurity, although "speaking up" has become somewhat more widespread in the last years. I always felt that makes speech somewhat passive aggressive, because I always get the impression people have a hidden agenda with anything they talk about. However, sometimes inflecting your voice upwards makes sense. For example in the middle of a sentence, you can make the rapport break at the end of a sentence more impactful. 2. You can't always be breaking rapport. I find that becomes very unnatural, since you are essentially always make clear statement. And to make a statement, you need to have a hypothesis or question beforehand, so there needs to be seeking rapport in there somewhere. Maybe if you talk to people, you can let them seek rapport, and you make the statements via breaking rapport. I think the right mix between seeking and breaking rapport can create tension that moves the story you are telling forward. 3. You can use neutral rapport to tie over long sentences between upwards or downwards inflections of your voice. 4. I rather not use monotonous rapport. It is rather boring, and you don't want to be like this guy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhiCFdWeQfA Pauses. I realized that I am speaking too fast. Including pauses can make speech that much more interesting. I think in public speaking, you can even wait a long while far beyond the time the audience has settled and just stand on stage and maybe look at your audience before you start speaking. Not sure though whether that is a good tactic. I called my mother and took care to apply a lot of breaking rapport. The result: what would have been a 45 minute call ended after 15 minutes. Even though I put in a lot of pauses. Plus, I was personally exhausted from talking afterwards. Breaking rapport is efficient in getting a message through relatively quickly with almost no resistance or feedback. The other person just agrees and the conversation moves on. It is less well suited in creating a connection. Breaking rapport then, probably, is good in making a connection, but if you do it too much, people will walk right over you. Interesting! I think it's fascinating how much communication really happens non-verbally. Like here - through voice tone. Conventional.mov Seeking Rapport.mov Breaking Rapport.mov Neutral Rapport.mov Monotonous.mov Incorporating all elements.mov

Often the worrying about something takes away more lifetime than the event we are actually worried about. If people learnt to complain less, for example, they could use their energy to bring themselves into a position where they don't have to worry at all anymore. One of my favorite quotes is from Gary Vaynerchuk: People think that the glass is half empty when in reality it is 70% full.