Octsober

#7 Hopefully everyone had a nice holiday this year. Sitting at 71 days. Had intense cravings yesterday. I celebrate Christmas and for many years I've received games as gifts. I haven't really been getting games even before I stopped playing for the last few years, but still as I see family they usually play games and this year asked me to jump in but I respectfully declined. Not much to say right now. Got to run to work! Be well guys! -Oct

I'm not one for limiting myself so here goes. Today I am grateful for... My Laptop - where I can post here and watch videos online to better myself. My Table - It's a great foot rest My Crap Couch - It does the job Roof over my head Family and close friends I wrote this down first on this notebook I have next to my bed. These are what came to mind so I guess it's a start ya?

Gah - I know I have to try it, but right now I just feel silly (it's shallow I know) and frustrated to do so. Intense by complication. How I talk to certain people. How I show my body language. I don't believe I bother people doing so, but it's not a warm / welcoming feeling, that's for sure. I'm sure I can, it's just that part where things start to get harder to see though. It's not that I can't stop playing games that what I see is the issue. It's all the underlying reasons why I did so in the first place. The root problems if you will. I've always been told if I could take the same drive I had toward the games I play and focus it on something else, let's say my writing or creating games, I believe I could produce something great. It's wonderful to see everyone do well for themselves. It appears that I need to go back to the gym too haha

Hey Cam, Thanks for this. I've read the article on loneliness, it's quite eye opening on how being lonely can be an issue. As I've used to be social though games, I believe as I've removed that i've been trying to find other ways to communicate with others outside of games. I'd consider myself an intense person. I have a hard time reaching out to people as I don't want to bother them sometimes. Although I do have close friends / family that I talk to, it's still that I feel I'm not fixing the root problems that cause me to force others away via my body language. I'd consider starting a gratitude journal. I'm not sure how to start just yet. I'm going to read up / watch the things you've recommended. Thanks!

Idk probably nothing really. I meditate but I wouldn't say that makes me happy. I wouldn't even know what I could do on a daily basis to make me happy.

#6 60 days officially today. I haven't really had bad cravings until today due to the amount of stress I've been currently dealing with. I worked a double at the restaurant which was a 13 hour shift. I don't feel I made enough to compensate for the time I've spent working today. I've been stressing with getting on with my life. Stressing with my company. Stressing in general. At this rate I'll have all grey hair in the next 2 years. I've been able to keep away from playing ANY game without real struggle. As much as I would like to give Star Wars Battlefront a whirl, I know I'd immediately hate myself afterwards. Where as I've been succeeding in getting away from games and other distractions, I've been still failing in regards to other regards in my life. The last date I had went on I wasn't really invested in, but I was still myself and pleasant. Things didn't work out, which is fine. I've been progressively more frustrated at work as I feel like I'm wasting time there. Most of all my remaining time is invested working on board games for my company. I don't know what to do to destress. I've been meditating for a few months now, but I understand that's a long term thing. Currently, I feel as if I'm going to explode from all this bottled up tension. That's the current news. I haven't played any games and have been maintaining my course, but I am miserable. I'm absolutely not implying that without games I'm unhappy, it's just I don't know what to do. Is this part of the process? Just needed to vent I guess.

Counting breaths certainly helps get the focus back!

Wow, Cam I really appreciate your honesty. I don't even know where to begin. ... In the first paragraph you mention time wasted. I have to agree with you that I had this feeling in the back of my head while playing games that I was wasting my time and always felt terrible because of it. As I've said I'm not looking to make excuses. I've been successful in maintaining my current path, eliminating wasted time I had spent previously by directing it toward more productive things. I'm not sure that I'd say I'd like to live in a big way, but I feel as if I have something to give back. I reflect on this often as I'm still unsure what it ultimately means. In that same paragraph you mention fear; more so the fear of failure. I'm currently designing two games. A casual party game and a War themed card game with a friend. I got back from testing my casual game today, but during my ride home I would question everything wrong about it. It's a game about telling a story but a good portion of people aren't creative (or so they say). As I'm creating this game, I've set to make it as something I would like playing, however it's a capital venture for my company. Knowing this, I know i'm basically setting myself up for failure. But that's part of the journey. I don't want to quit - I want to figure it out. It's really a matter of responsibility isn't it? No bullshit - just taking the bull by the horns right? I can't argue with that. It's a cold hard truth. I think the most important thing I can take from your response was being kind to yourself. I can't help but feel there's this enormous weight on my shoulders to get things right with my company, so that I can get on with my life in a way. It's hard to say what that will look like but we're only human right? The video you've posted was right on point. I feel like a lot of people think things happen magically. I want to earn my keep and have the experience to back it up. From what you've said, I look at it this way Kyle. If you have a smoker and they want to quit, but say to outloud "in 100 days I'll have a cigarette on the 101st." If you were talking to this person, could you imagine, even judge that this person would be right back at square one? I think so. The thing is I've never really quit games before my current challenge. I never could see a version of myself not playing games, but then I stopped and here I am. When I talk to people that still play, that's fine, but I feel that I'm able to see pasted the veil in a way. I can feel this extra time I have for other things I wouldn't have had other wise. It's as if I've been sleeping this whole time and now I'm slowly waking up. As Cam said, "what changed for me was recognizing that ultimately I actually have bigger ambitions for my life then that.". It's hard to explain, but around my early / mid 20's I started feeling like i had something to say, something to give back. I'm still trying to figure out what that means, but once I discover it, I think I'll be much happier. This was a good conversation guys. Really, Thank you for your imput.

Greetings Kyle, and man I have to say, you really hit the ground running! (I know it's corny, haha I just had to!) From what I've been reading on what you've been doing, I see that you've been doing a lot of investing in yourself, which really is one of the best things you can do. Oh and yeah, the next time we have a NJ meetup, I'll probably see you there! Keep up the good fight.

Hello Kyle! Thank you - I appreciate it! About that healthcare... Yeah at this point, I've already fought with them as nicely as possible (because I just can't be an ass as much as I try) on how the hell is anyone able to afford this stuff. I'm going to try reapplying and see what my new rates with be, but it's seriously such a joke. You play large monthly fee's any can't even use the damn thing with the high deductibles. Best of luck to you on your side of the good fight with them! Yeah absolutely - When I was going to the gym, I would do 18,16,14 for crunches. I hated crunches but loved the results. But now that I think of it, 10 crunches four times is really nice! I may have to try that!

Hello Kyle, Thanks for your response! You have some really great points i'm going to touch on in a bit. To answer your question, I currently design card / board games. In the future I hope to invest enough into my company to produce an app and if possible a full fledged video game. It's baby steps for now. To follow up on what you've said, we're all here for a reason so it's important to say that understanding the cues and triggers of what we like about games doesn't necessarily mean we're out of the woods sort of say. Like yourself I'd also consider myself a binger, however I would play for hours on end without real cause or understanding on why I was even playing. Now I have a better idea on why I was doing this, but I'm by all means not looking for excuses to fall back into this mindless trance. I'd have to agree that multiplayer games with leaderboards have a VERY particular draw to them. I would find myself only really playing multiplayer games with friends or even just playing solo to keep ahead or current in, let's say, a MOBA environment. I think that's very cool that you and your wife share experiences with games together. As you both play story games, I can see how that correlates with watching tv. I wish you the best in your endeavors as a game designer! Cam! Thanks for following up! I absolutely agree with you on both your points. Time management is really a big thing here. After understanding a bit of the psychology behind how some of our brains react to the levels of stimulation during gameplay, it makes sense to break things up block by block in regards to time. I'd have to say that 21 hours a week seems like quite a bit, but I can see that depending on how your break it down, ultimately may fluctuates. For example, after my 100 day challenge, I was considering playing XCOM 2 on weekends only. I feel that at this point, returning to play games makes me feel like i'm wasting my time, and would rather be socializing or doing something productive. Only time will tell. It's about moving forward rather than backwards.

All of the recommended reading has been excellent! I've got 3 more to read of the 5. As I've been going through the motions by tracking each 10 days I complete (the small wins), it makes it easier to see progress happening in real time. I'm too stubborn not to see this through now haha. Thanks for the support cam!

Hey guys, Just wanted to get some thoughts on this. Currently I'm 51 days into my 100 day no-game goal. I'm staying focused on being productive and investing in myself rather than gaming and feeling like I'm not doing what I should be. I look at it like Producing vs Consuming. Ultimately as a game designer, Ironically I find it hard to see myself never playing games again, but I know that the capacity I may experience these things overall, can be detrimental. I am by all means not looking for an excuse to resume gaming, but rather an understanding on what steps are needed (if all) to looking at gaming more cautiously. I currently design board / card games. So in order to learn mechanics etc, I play games to understand how they work. I've thoroughly discussed this with friend whom attends college as video game designer / producer. He said to me "You should be more passionate about design than playing." Which makes sense to me by looking at why games work mechanically rather than just diving right in and playing. We all know games today are designed to be addicting, so I'm aware this isn't an easy question to answer. -Oct

#5 Day 51. I'm going to add 10 more days to my initial goal of 90 days, so I'll technically be looking at 100 days total. I finished reading Hooked which I have to say helped me better to understand how to approach looking at which type of player or group I'd be designing for. I've still be meditating every day for 20 minutes for weeks now. I've still got the release of X Com 2 on my calendar, ultimately I don't even know if I'll play it. I don't yet know if I'll be able to play games the way I would want to if even at all. It's just assuring to know that I'm in control rather than just mindlessly / subconsciously playing due to the habits I've formed. Understanding the mechanics of theses habits has helped me recognized patterns and the processes to control them. I'm half way to my goal. 49 more days to go.

Greetings Christopher and welcome! One thing I've noticed is there's a sense of escapism. For some of us like yourself, there was something about the environment we were (are) apart of that causes us to play games as a means of coping. I'm not saying this is an absolute but a tend I've come to see, even for myself included. Like you, I was gaming even when I didn't really want to. I was looking for that next game to be apart of because that was in a way where I felt more accepted. I'm 27 and haven't played a video game in 40 days. Ironically enough I'm a game designer / writer / creative currently producing two card games and a graphic novel. In about a months and change worth of time, I've started making steps to do some of the things I've wanted to. I find gamers in a way to be consumers. I've consumed enough and want to give back. You've already started the respawn, which is awesome. Cam's done some great work. Chris, you've come to the right place. In a way it's time to Press Start for real.

Alex, glad to see you're doing well. I noticed you've mentioned a 100 day challenge. If you've set a goal to not play video games for this long, I'd suggest getting a calendar and counting your small wins. I'm currently 40 days into my 90 day challenge. I tally when I reach a Day Ten. I don't feel discouraged looking at the small steps I need to take, apposed to looking at the grand picture of 100 days out. Hope this helps! (if this is the challenge you're looking to do) Best, Oct

Right there with ya! Well.. more like 50 days shy. It's cool though, been focused on other things for once! Keep doing what you're doing!

#4 Day 40! I've become a more productive man lately. Currently working on two card games now and a graphic novel! I'm also 14 days into meditating, 20 minute sessions daily. May as well be dating again within the next few weeks. Things have been looking quite promising. Just going to keep focused on my 90 day goal and go from there. I'm sorry I haven't been contributing as much lately. I did however meet up at the NJ group and had some great conversations! Thanks for the support guys. I'm going to try and fit some more time to help round here.

#3 It's been 31 days since I last played a game. I feel pretty good. I'm working on two games and I started a graphic novel with a friend of mine. I finished The Power of Habit, from reading it I've learned a lot of core things from how to fix some bad habits from the source rather than deal with the symptoms. As it's November lots of games have been coming out, friends from work have been talking about games like Fallout and such, but I don't have the slightest care to play them. It's rather empowering to say to others "Naw, I don't do that anymore." I've marked my calendar for 90 days. I've also set the release date for Xcom 2 on my calendar. I would love to play it but I'm going to gauge it out and see how I feel about it then. Chalked up meditation on my list of new habits. It's been 5 days straight of 20 minute sessions that are beginning to get faster and faster. I know I'm still 59 days out, to be honest I don't even count the days, I just do other things that make me productive.

Welcome to the community Barnes!

This feels like a good place to chime in. I've been reading up and I have to say, Alex you've been doing a great job! I totally get feeling guilty, but it's going to take time. I found it very intriguing that you've mentioned Dark Souls 2. I originally went to school for game design but swapped year later into english lit because as I discovered I'm just awful at math, but I digress. Lets dig a little deeper into why the souls games are appealing. I played Dark Souls thoroughly and only beat 2 once. Here's what I've learned from it: The game itself doesn't want to hold your hand. Of course it wants you to finish it and enjoy the content but it's by all means not easy. Let's apply this same concept to life. Boss fights in the game can be brutal to the point where others would throw their controller in frustration, but others stick it out and figure out ways to succeed. Of course it's a video game and the rules and path are more or less set in front of you, but I thought it was rather sobering that it was a great representation of the path we all struggle on. Ultimately we're here because games have affected us Negatively now more so positively. And I'm sorry if using games to point out some of the positive things may stur up some cravings, but it's about learning from the mistakes to succeed

#2 Just 2 days shy of 20 days . At this point heavy doubts are kicking in. I've been sick the last few days so I haven't been able to get out of the house as I've been meaning to do. I just feel like complete crap. The realization that i'm 27, I still live at home, I'm beginning to doubt my business will ever get off the ground, and that I feel like I'm going backwards working my old job serving. Games have always been that source of retreat, as I'm sure for all of us at one point. As I'm reading the power of habit - I've been trying to find something else I can swap video games with - I literally have no idea what else I can swap it for. I haven't yet finished it but I will within the new few days. Incoming rant - you can absolutely skip this part. As video games are a retreat for me - as of recently I've lost my health care from leaving my last job in October. As I've said I haven't really been feeling well, I'm sure it's not life threatening, but it's certainly annoying. As a server I can't afford to be sick. I've took to the net to figure out my options for some coverage. Everything is ABSURDLY overpriced for the amount I make in a year. $300+ /mo with $3,000+ deductibles! Basically you're paying this money for nothing and the kicker is that if you're not insured you get strong armed with a fine. This county... I feel like I just want to bury my head into my steam account and just say F-it! But I'm not going to do that. I'm just really irritated. So I have to say this is probably a Trigger so fair warning - I really have to unfollow kotaku from facebook (they did post this video about some Metriod Indie Film that was cool though!) . They posted an article about Overwatch the next hit Blizzard game. I'm sure most of us grew up with Blizz games so I'm already aware what kind of trouble I'm asking for playing this game in particular. Yeah it looks cool and whatever. I need to keep telling myself it's nothing special - just another game. Xcom 2 however is going to be a challenge to not play however, but that's in Feb so as I'm on the 90 day detox now, I'm sure it will be a different story then. On top of all this - family's on my case. Get a Career, Get insurance, etc etc. I don't mean to sound like a whiny teenager, it's honestly the complete opposite. I hate feeling like a burden on my family and would like nothing more to move out and be independent. It feels absolutely IMPOSSIBLE living in the US or let me rephrase this - I have no idea of to make enough to live on my own. /EndRant So yeah! It feels like everything's falling apart around me and I have absolutely no idea what I'm going to do to survive. I'm going to assume (hope) this is just part of the process That's all I got for now

#1 Hello? Is this thing on? *Taps Mic* Hey guys - I wanted to wait a few days before posting. Been busy getting out of the house working on somethings, reading, etc. OK let's just jump right in! I'm currently 12 days deep. I haven't touched a game since my last binge weeks ago and I'm really starting to feel the cravings. Alongside not playing games, I've been trying to adjust my time on facebook and the net overall. It's a bit difficult given I use facebook to network with my testers so sometimes I get caught on the clickbait ads. Actually there was an article I saw about some new game that in development (because I follow Kotaku and other gaming sites still for some reason..) that looks artistically awesome. I really appreciated how the mechanics fit the game. In that I've come to understand that I don't really care for games with shallow stories (ie destiny etc) but ones that have start and finish. Recently Metal Gear Online went live and I created these characters with personalities and subtle backgrounds that I would get attached too. Luckily as I'm a writer I usually just take what I learn and apply it to a future or current project. Let me get focused here. I know why I'm trying to get away from games, ultimately they just distract me and make me unproductive. However I've always really enjoyed the feeling and riding the hype of games in development - much is the same for movies. I understand the psychology behind it - it's built up into your head as this great thing that ultimately will bring me back to square one. I honestly can't imagine a version of myself that doesn't play games but I know that, at this point it needs to change. I haven't got a copy of the respawn guide yet - I'll probably snag it today. I did however get a copy of that Habit book via the recommended reading. It's been rather informative. That's it for now - i'll chime in again soon. OH! I'll also be attending the NJ meetup in November. Should be fun!

Bassitone welcome and Howdy! In retrospect, those people around you that are doing all these crazy things are great motivators! I've got a friend who went to Japan to teach english for a year - I'm totally going to visit her next year at some point! Welcome to the group!

Hey Richard! I used to game with a group from Tasmania - Fun group of dudes! It's great to see that you've come to understand that as you love games, they're really having a negative impact on your life. I'm currently 12 days into my no game fast and it's been rough but overall I feel better for it. As Alex mentioned - Stick with the program and that should help set the habits for getting away from games to the point where you don't think twice about it! Oh and welcome to the group!