liam

Congrats JoJo, really pleased to see you're doing well at 1 week!

Hey Fender - how's your weekend been buddy? I hope you're doing well!

Thanks to both of you! Great to be here, and I really appreciate the support I've been shown so far. Looking forward to talking to you all more as the days and weeks progress ? Days 3 & 4) I've had a busy weekend! We had friends visiting us for the weekend with their 1 year old daughter, so we spent plenty of time with them going for walks, chatting, cooking etc. This meant there was not a lot of time to really thing about gaming, but also minimal time for journalling. I recently started watching videos on stoicism, which I would highly reccommend to any of you looking to generally be more productive and all round more relaxed and happier. I'm trying to apply some of the practices (check here for some insights!https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQnvCI25wJg) to my daily life, including better journalling and being more protective of my time. The most significant obstacle this weekend came about an hour ago. As our friends left to travel home, my wife had to do some work for her PhD, so I had some free time. This is the first time I've had some truly free weekend time since I decided to quit gaming, so my thoughts drifted immediately to the alluringly sweet dopamine rush of pwning some noobs at my PC. It actually took me a split second to remember that I was not gaming any more - such is the 'clouded mind' that this addiction often produces. I felt a little 'empty' when I realised I couldn't allow myself to play a game, and had some feelings of anger and frustration inside. I tried to remind myself why I am dealing with this, and the consequences playing a game right now - I would be letting myself down immensely. So, instead, I resolved to write my journal entries (both here and in my notion app where I am trying to keep a daily log to help build routines). I have also decided to do... nothing. Just relax, listen to some music, write a little, maybe read a little, but nothing too demanding. I'm pleased with how I'm doing, but I feel like things may start to get tough if I get some more free time. I hope I can overcome the temptation as well I as I did today. God bless you guys reading this and facing the same difficulties - we, at least, understand one another ?

Day 2) Something I did not mention until now is the affect that gaming has had on my work. I am a work-from-home programmer. Working from home requires a lot of self discipline, and being a programmer requires a lot of time sat at my computer. I'm sure its obvious to all of you - this is a recipie for disaster when you're a gaming addict. Today I managed to be genuinely productive, and actually felt proud of the work I produced instead of some hacky, messy patch of code to fix a problem without any thought towards efficiency or extensibility. This was a huge step for me, as my mind felt generally clearer and I wasn't feeling like I was rushing my work to get back to playing another game of DOTA or HotS. I don't feel like playing games at all, though when I did 'enough' work I did feel like I should reward myself with a game... I quickly suppressed the feeling, but I want to document it here. I want to stop feeling like every time I have an hour of productivity, I can therefore justify a 6 hour gaming binge for the afternoon. This is absolutely not the person I want to be! All in all, feeling good. Picked up my guitar for the first time in a long time, but I have no plans to rush into another hobby right now. I just want to keep my mind relaxed. I hope the rest of you out there are doing well - I'm always thinking about the stories I've read here and the people behind them. I want you all to succeed just as much as I hope I can. Liam

I feel exactly the same bro - a couple of times I tried to completely change my life around all at once. Too much, too fast. I burned out and went right back to the comfort of WoW. I definitely think just getting comfortable with life without gaming, and being generally comfortable with yourself, is all I want from my next 90 days. After that, who knows. We can be anything ? This is some real wisdom right here - I think we have little understanding on how our words and actions (both positive and negative) affect others. Just discussing this with like-minded people sufering with the same issues feels like a breath of fresh air. I played a lot of DOTA in my time, and have dealt with a lot of the toxicity that anonymity online breeds. I keep asking myself why I go back to a game with so much negativity, that often makes me feeling angry and stressed, rather than with real people in the real world, who just don't act that way. Also just read through your journal so far and seems like you're doing great! Keep it going!

Hey Christopher - that was quite a read, I resonate with a lot of the things you said. I too have sabotaged friendships, relationships, jobs and education in order to continue playing games as much as possible. I always felt it was the one things I truly couldn't live without. It's not a good situation! Reading about your social isolation, I just wanted to say that there are so many hobbies out there that enable you to meet people naturally. I'm no expert (I'm literally in the same situation as you - very start of my quitting journey!), but I do think that getting out of your comfort zone is a great way to experience more in life. Hope to see you more on here as we progress together! Liam

Hey JoJo, I'm also new to this site and just wanted to say, good luck with your goals and you can do this! How has your week been? Liam EDIT - I just saw your journal after posting this, way to go! ?

Hey guys, I wrote an introduction here: After reading through a few of these journals, particularly Mohammad, BooksandTrees, Catherine17 and PhoenixKing (you guys are all awesome btw), I've decided it's the way to go for me too. I have kept a journal down on paper before when I quit in the past, and found it useful. I have a few goals, but I want t keep things simple. I have a habit of trying to do too much when I quit, i.e. I will try to quit gaming, get fit, eat healthier, pick up a hobby, all at the same time to 'turn my life around', and to be honest, I just get exhausted. 1) Build a routine I'm hopeful that writing here will become part of that routine - probably in the mornings, as I like to sit down in my home office with a coffee and relax for 30 mins before I start work. I want to set a wake-up time, a writing/meditation time, and a start-work time. 2) Become more comfortable with periods of calm/boredom Gaming is exciting. It is instant gratification, and provides satisfaction without effort (mostly). I want to become more comfortable with delayed gratification, through activities that take time to build up towards a goal. As a software engineer, I would like to do more side-projects that take a lot of effort to learn and build, but eventually you can be proud of what you've created. I think I somehow need to rewire my brain to redefine happiness, so that I'm not constantly feeling underwhelmed/bored/feeling nothing for 'real life'. 3) Break the cycle A little while ago, maybe 9 months, I did my usual routine of getting into bed with my wife, waiting til she falls asleep, then getting up and gaming for a couple of hours. I had been feeling pretty rough about this routine for a while, and after losing a couple of long, toxic games that left me feeling angry and frustrated (as well as tired, it was around 1am after all!), I decided enough was enough. I destroyed my PC. I took it apart with a screwdriver, and snapped the RAM and the MoBo, I threw it all in the bin, and went down to a tech store the next day and sold my graphics card for about £400. I felt great for a while - I picked up running, I read more, and I felt closer to my wife. As time went by the urge to play would ebb and flow, and I eventually convinced myself that 'it wasn't so bad if I just played in moderation', and that 'gaming was my thing! why shouldn't I enjoy it'. I eventually started wondering why I had quit at all. I went out and spend £1500 on a new laptop for casual gaming... and the cycle began again. I know that I will get to this point again - but this time, I want to recognise this period for what it is - a symptom of my addiction. I am in control of this. So, with all of that said: Day 1) I have managed to spend most of my day reading/watcing stuff about game addiction. This is procrastination, and I have a lot of work to do, but feel like in some way its helping me get set-up to fight this problem. Right now, I feel pretty strongly that I don't want to play and games, but I want to try and remain mindful of this as time goes on. I'm not going to start anything new or drastic right now, I just plan to write this journal, get my work done, and relax. This way, I'm not taking on too much at once, as well as fighting the cravings for video games. Thanks so much for reading, I'd love to hear comments and feedback, and generally I'm just stoked to communicate with you all Liam

Yes, that's absolutely the way I should be looking at it! I have quit before and every time I am astounded at how much time there is in a day when you're not constantly thinking about gaming. I think being comfortable with 'boredom' is something I want to work on, maybe with meditation or just thinking. Also, great to hear from a Dad who has been through this! I will certainly feel regret if I can't give my all to him - thanks for your input ?

Good morning/afternoon/evening to you all. My name is Liam, I'm 28, and I'm from the UK. Although I'm not in the best frame of mind right now, I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to joining this community and to meeting you all. I've been a 'gamer' for most of my life, starting with Runescape back in 2001/02 and WoW around 2004, back when I was in my early teens. Since then, I have played video games at every possible opportunity, often choosing it over ALL other commitments or ways I could spend my time being productive, or building relationships. Several times over the past 5-6 years I have tried to quit games due to the the fact that I feel depressed at wasting entire days with nothing to show for it except some numbers changing in a database somewhere (for me, that is how I picture a day of gaming, i.e. earning some gold in WoW). Looking back at my 'real life' achievements, I think I can be somewhat proud that I have achieved a master's degree, a good software engineering job in a large company, and I have been married now for 2 years to my amazingly supportive wife. However, throughout all of this, getting my next 'fix' of video games has always been at the forefront of my mind. I constantly feel like I am rushing to get every other task done (be it a social gathering, cooking, travelling to see family and even lying in bed with my wife!) just so that I can get back to my 'alone time' at my PC. With a baby on the way in December, I have realised that this has to stop - I need to be more 'present' in reality. I don't want to write too much more in this introduction, but I'm grateful if you've read this far. Although I feel I have still accomplished some things in my life, I feel like I could have done so much more with my time (I have ~3k hours in DOTA alone, and much much more in WoW over the years - thats enough to master any skill!), and so just like many of you, I suffer from depression and feelings of shame and regret around this. I look forward to keeping track of my progress here, and I am extremely grateful for any support I receive. I also hope to give back in whatever way I can to those of you who also need the support. Thanks for reading, and have a wonderfully calm, relaxing and productive day! Liam