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Brad_Hurst

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Everything posted by Brad_Hurst

  1. @JustTom Hey man, thanks for following my journey! Yeah, I realise patience is something that I need to adopt. I'm finding it very difficult to stay patient though because my current thinking is that my 9-5 is restricting me from doing everything else I want to accomplish. So I'm desperate to get out of it lol. I've told myself that 31st of May is the day I hand in my resignation. By then I hope to be making some money through freelance writing, and if not... I can always go work in a bar or some shit! Haha. I hate to say this, but the progress you see on the Camo Body store... Wasn't me... I sold the store on Tuesday for $200. Although after fees and transferring into GBP I got about £113. Not too bad lol. But yeah it was a bit of sting to see how quickly he started adding products and making progress, just shows how much hesitation and 'thinking' can hamper your progress. Something that I'm realising a lot lately. You think you're 'working' but is it real work? Is what you're doing REALLY taking you towards your goal. Half the time I find i'm just reading articles or guides instead of doing the actual work. But yeah, I decided to sell the store because I wasn't working on it. It was just taking money out of my pocket each month. I realised that it was going to take a lot longer than I expected to build an income that I can live off. So I changed my plan of action to one that will help me immediately become location independent, or at least more quickly. The great thing is, the things i'll be learning for freelancing will directly help me with my own online businesses in the future. And I definitely plan to create another Shopify store in the future, but when I have more time to nurture it and actually put real effort into it. And I feel pretty confident I will be able to make it work, i've certainly learnt alot from doing the first one. And now I have also learnt alot more about facebook ads, social media in general and now i'm learning about writing (artices, blogs, etc.) and soon SEO. And yup, the reality of how much work I need to do, to build the lifestyle I want has certainly hit. But you know what... I'm not giving up lol. I'm NEVER going to fucking settle. Fuck that. I realise I've been living in the clouds - Dreaming this great life for myself. Never thinking about the work I need to do to get there (the dirt). ---- What else have I been up to lately? Haven't posted in a week. Fucking shit up at my boxing class. Sparred 3 guys yesterday, i'm soOOOOOoo much more confident now in my boxing. Instead of flinching when people throw punches at me or jumping backwards. I stand my ground, I slip or I just take it to the face and carry the fuck on. Being a taller guy anyways, I usually dominate with my reach. So guys have to rush in on me, and I just plant my fist in there face. My guard is a lot tighter too, so I'm rarely taking big hits anyways. I won't let myself build an ego about my fighting skills though, I have a lot to learn. That moves onto the next thing. I'm reading Ego is the Enemy at the moment. Really enjoying reading this. It really dives deep into why it's your ego that is preventing you from progressing. Also i'm listening to The New-Physcocybernetics on the way to work. It's all about self-image, beliefs and programming the sub-conscious mind. On the girls front, ya nothing right now haha. On a random day last week I decided to just message like 10 of the girls out of 95 matches I haven't messaged lol. I was in a, I don't give a fuck mood and literally just wrote whatever the fuck came to my head. At first I started with hey, none of those replied... And then I literally just let my filter go after a while and just went rapid fire. I kid you not, one of my messages - Infact let me get a screendump xD Lawl - Anyways... I SOOOOO want to achieve a level where I have zero fucks and just speak my mind. I always make myself laugh about the ridiculousness of certain things, yet I feel so restricted when I'm around people. Again, I believe this is where actually being able to interact with new people daily will help me to improve, and the reasons why I seriously need to get outta my office job. Because I want to make it a daily habit, not something that just occurs on the weekend. I lose momentum way too quickly. And ye, because I feel so negatively about my work situation it does affect how I feel in all areas of my life, so i'm rarely going to be a good person to be around. Pah, they're just bullshitty excuses - But fuck it, I know I don't feel good about myself because of it. And it's hard to change your belief on the subject when you deep down know it's hurting you and change needs to happen. I've decided that i'm going to take myself on a bike ride tommorow. I'm going to go to this place that I used to ride around when I younger with my Dad. Then in the evening i'm going to go and support a friend of a friend playing at some event. Will probs be drinking, and we'll see where the night leads. I realise I should try and get more social interaction into my life. But between work, commitments to martial arts and trying to get my freelance business going. It leaves me rarely anytime. Yes - I could certainly be alot more disciplined and especially on the weekend - I 'could' make it happen. I just wanna be a bit careful of doing too many new things at once. Because I know once I start something, I start researching all about it and very often just dismiss everything else lol. And I know because relationships and all that is the bigger thing that needs fixing, i'll start looking more into that and neglecting everything else. Auh fuck, this was suppose to be a quick post! I went off on one didn't I... I've actually been doing a daily writing practise. I used this website called 750words.com. Basically everyday I write 750 words, straight from whatever the hells come out of my head. I've completed it 10 days straight, averaging around 11 minutes per 750 words. I'm like a motherfucking speed demon on the keyboard lol. It's great because you're just vomiting your thoughts onto the page and which allows you to have more of a perspective. Anyways, I thought that by also doing that - Not only for the writing practise and just allowing thoughts to flow better... I thought it would help clear up my journal posts, I could construct these alot better. Clearly that didn't happen in this post haha. In the future I'm going to aim to structure my posts alot better - Just like i'd be posting an article on my website. Oh - I've got two sample articles on my website now. Check em out - I was struggling to come up with topics, so one of them is on Why video games can be harmful. i'm going to write one more sample article, and then i'm going to email a writing agency that i've been referred to by one of the members in my location rebel community. We'll see if they hire me to do some work for them, apparently they have a lot of work to give out. She told me that they offer £12.50 per 500 word article. I mean, it's a decent start point. I just want the experience of working with a real client right now. And actually making some dollar online. Mayn, if I get the work and they are consistently giving me work. I may just leave my job right away lmao. Okay - Maybe a little patience Brad... But fo real. Gonna be searching for some other writing agencies too. I'm also going to be creating an upwork account and try to get some work on there too. Finally, i'm taking alot more notice into copywriting - I'm really starting to see how people are crafting their email sequences, how they are writing their landing pages. They all have the same kind of process, but obviously different styles. Soon I will start handwriting copywriting sales letters to ingrain the methods into my head. Anyways, I think that will wrap up my shit show of a post xD
  2. My emotions are hitting a peak again. I haven't posted in a while... I need to outlet how I'm feeling though, no one else cares. This journey is fucking hard. Like really fucking hard. For so long I've been a huge dreamer, just simply dreaming about this lifestyle I want for myself. And that's all I did, dream and then continue to avoid chasing it. I'm scared. I'm really fucking scared. Why am I scared? I think it's because I've built up this image, this pathway in my head that everything is going to be easy sailing. That I'm just magically going to build this fun, joyful lifestyle for myself. I never thought about the pain I'd have to endure to get there. I'm scared that I'm not going to achieve my dreams, that I'll have to settle for mediocrity. Living a boring ass life, with no stories to tell. I'm scared to fail, i'm honestly scared of myself. Why is it I want something so bad, yet I struggle with the taking action. I think that's what is freaking me out... Do I really want this? Like do I really want this? Or am I just going to settle with taking the easy option because I'm too fucking scared of failure. I've built up a huge ego about myself. That I know I'm somehow going to figure it out 'one day'. That I'm going to get that awesome group of friends, the amazing girlfriend, the freedom to do what I want with my time, the travelling, the epic adventures... When I think about these things, I get this huge surge of energy, this drive to conquer everything that passes in my way. YET, I sit in front of my laptop - And my mind goes blank. I feel paralysed. I don't know where to start, what the fuck to do. And it scares me because the longer I feel paralysed, unable to take the right action, the longer I stay living a lifestyle that really does not excite me whats so ever! So. RIght now... What am I doing? Well. I joined a community called Location Rebel. It's focused on building a location independent income, they have courses on a bunch of different areas for online businesses and work on building up the foundations in all the areas you will need to run one successfully. What they recommend - The easiest way to start making money online, is by writing. Writing 500 word SEO articles for clients. I know I mentioned Social Media Marketing before, and I thought that was the path I was going to start off with. But I kept doubting myself, what do I write? I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. And when they mentioned to start off with writing, it made complete sense. Like if you're going to be running an online business, you need to know how to write. It's a great way of getting my toes wet, dealing with clients etc. And I thought, as a bonus... Because I'll be writing about a bunch of different things, I'll be researching and learning about loads of different things - Which can only help with my communications in real life right? So the plan is to start with this. Again, this is what frustrates me about myself. I keep saying I'm going to do things, and then I change my mind. I don't trust myself - That's the truth of it. I've got to build the relationship with myself up again. The reason I am frustrated today is that before this weekend, I told myself I'd have my freelance website complete and I'd have 2 sample pieces written. Getting my website up took longer than it should have and at the start of today my goal was to simply finish the website and write 2, 500 word articles. NOT THAT HARD. Yet all I achieved was getting my website nearly complete and I never wrote the articles. The truth on that is, I really did not have a clue what to write about. I felt clueless. The thought that kept running through my head is "You don't have any passions, you don't know anything about anything." It's a really shitty thought that keeps circulating in my head, and I can't shake it. Yet I realise it's this thought that is preventing me from moving forward and it needs to change. MY WEBSITE: http://digitalhurst.com Lemme know what ya think. Whilst creating it I was thinking, I'd really like to know how to build this better. I had these visions in my head about how I'd like to create it, but I didn't have the technical knowledge to know how to put it out there. So I think web design/development is something I'd certainly like to try out in the future. Right now I just want the quickest way out of my desk job. I keep toying with the idea of, just fucking quit dude - Go work in a bar or some shit. I'll be honest, I just seriously need to do something different than sitting at a desk all day. It's driving me insane. You know you're going insane when the sound of someone pouring coffee at their desk gives you the cringes. When you look at your co-workers and they all look like drained robots, and I sense the fake smile they display. Secretly hating their life. I dunno - This is a bad way of thinking. But fuck it, that's what runs through my head sometimes. When I see new employees all joyful as they walk through the doors, laughing away - already trying to impress their boss. And I'm here screaming "GET OUT WHILST YOU CAN, RUN - IT'S A TRAP" Fuck me... Alright anyways - I watched Chalet Girl with my Mum and Sister as I was just frustrated that I was doing nothing with my work. Mayn - It seriously made me think, I could so live my life like that. I really don't think i'd be that bothered if I was pot washing for a living, but then getting to ski all day. I'd work hard and play real fucking hard. Right now, I work hard, I work hard, I work not so hard, I work even less hard. No play. Maybe a nightout, a bit of working out, a bit of boxing. What a miserable existence I live. If I hadn't been so stupid with my finances, i'd seriously just drop everything RIGHT NOW - Grab a backpack and fuck off. --- Part of the reason I didn't get so much done this weekend is that I went out on Friday night. It was my friend's first ever DJ event, and it's been in the making for like 4 months. I definitely did not want to miss it. Now - This was a really positive experience. So i'll share the event and hopefully perk myself up in the mean time haha. All imma say is it was fucking epic! I started the night at my friend's house, he had all of his friends round too and his girlfriend. We just kinda chilled in his room, drank booze. They were all planning on taking drugs that night... Now, I have taken drugs on two occasions in the past - Both times it was pretty fucking epic! I took em at a drum 'n' base festival and then once on a night out when I had passed out due to too much alcohol, and then someone bought me some and it actually revived me and I went on to have one of the best nights ever! Soooo - I dropped a pill as we got to the venue. We grabbed some glow sticks as we entered the venue, and as we got inside we realised the dance floor was empty. Well Chelsea (My friend's girlfriend) and I just started dancing by ourselves on the dance floor aha. Eventually it picked up, I met an old classmate outside so it was cool to catchup with him. I then had a play fight with Chelsea and she was showing me some of the moves she learnt when she used to do Judo - Mayn she was pretty good, i'd pretend to throw a punch and she'd block it away and then kick me in the side. I caught her foot a few times and at one point she threw me to the ground! Obviously I let her do it... And then my friend started playing. And holy shit, the dance floor was a light! Everyone was just busting mad moves and going crazy. Here's me and me mate Fin: So ya, overall - an awesome night. I had a pretty bad hangover most of Saturday though! Just had a phone call with my Dad. I was quite negative but he kept picking me up, he's being really inspiring. And he is battling similar things to me about self-doubt and all that. I know it's my mindset that's holding me back. It's almost like i'm addicted to the negative thoughts. I can't let go. I shall keep persisting, I will keep trying, I will keep going. My Dad mentioned that I may be overworking myself. This may be true - I might book a weekend away somewhere. Probably by myself - I don't really care. It'd be cool if I could go abroad for the weekend on the cheap. I'll mention what i've told myself before. It's patience. Things are going to come good. Things have already been good, I'm just ignoring the good things and focusing on the bad. I know, give me 3 months and my whole world will have changed. That's all for now. - Brad.
  3. I totally know what you mean by this!
  4. My emotions have been all over the place today. And not in a good way... I seriously cannot cope with working in an office anymore. I'm legit submitting my leave notice at the end of this month. I'm suffering really bad from FOMO. Like hugely. I want out and to start having these awesome adventures now, I seriously cannot wait any longer... I'm going insane! I'm doubting myself constantly, can I really do this? Am I just dreaming too much... I'm thinking about the awesome places I will visit, the crazy things I will experience, the mad parties, the girls. One of the main issues for me right now is... Actually... Social media. Go on instagram and you see everyone who is already "there". Past schoolmates who seem to be off on awesome adventures. Having fun with their friends etc... It's really fucking hard for me man. I'm trying my hardest to keep my head down, keep doing my thing. But I will get distracted from time to time. Especially with my phone constantly pinging me and prompting me to go on Instagram or Facebook. I've started trying to leave my phone away from me whilst I study up. And sure it works for a while until I decide to take a break and end up picking up my phone and being blasted by more shit that just throws me off. I'm not actively trying to improve my social life at the moment, as I just seriously need to sort out my work life first. However, loneliness does hit me. Usually, I just laugh it off by talking crazy shit to myself that doesn't make sense - That usually gets me in a better mood. But there are instances when I will just stop and think... I cannot get it out of my head about all of the experiences I've missed out on as a teenager. The girls, the parties, hanging out with friends etc... I hardly experienced any of that from the ages of 14-19. I've just turned 20. As bad as it is, and as much as I keep trying to change the belief - I always seem to have in the back of my head. "I'm always quiet and unable to come with topics to talk about". (I just got off the phone with my Dad and had more time to think) You know what though - The reason I am struggling at the moment with always having things to talk about is that. A. - I am surrounded by people who I do not relate to. I couldn't give a fuck about the latest cars, phones, news, any latest material items, etc... I don't like to moan about things either (That is a HUGE English thing by the way. The English like to moan about everything). I don't see the point in complaining about things. The only time I complain is in this journal :) - And that's cause I'm tryna figure shit out! B.- Because I don't keep up with the latest trends etc... I ain't got an opinion or shit to say about it. C. I'm still figuring myself out - I don't even know what my favourite music is, my favourite tv shows, even what my hobbies are (Sure I LOVE skiing and surfing - But till I become a digital nomad, I ain't actively doing that shit). D. My storytelling sucks DICK, I can be talking about my epic adventures in Australia yet people still get bored. Ah ya know what - Why am I even writing about me talking to people... It got triggered today when I was at the gym. Was doing my thing, push ups and all that... Two girls set up RIGHT infront of me. Start doing squats. Man look, I don't wanna seem like a womanizer or some shit - But you can't help but look at their ass when they right infront of you. AND DAYUM. But then I get stuck in my head again saying shit like, "Dude you never gonna get ass like that if you struggle to have fun conversations with people, to even simply hangout." And I think this is my main issue - Through-out my whole teen years, I never "hungout" with friends. I just sat on my computer the WHOLE damn time. And when I think about the possibility of hanging out with a girl or with some new friends. I'm telling myself "They are gonna get bored of me so quickly". It's horrible because I know I shouldn't be having these thoughts and they are holding me back. Okay - So that WAS MY STORY. I'm telling myself, once I break the chains of the 9-5. I'm going all out on socialising man, I don't care what it's gonna take. I really wanna try RSD Max's Fearless program. And just DO IT - No matter how uncomfortable I feel. I gotta commit to my word more as well. I've realised I make false claims about what I'm gonna do sometimes. Well actually, I ALWAYS did this until recently. I am being more careful about the goals I set, because I don't want to keep proving to myself that I don't achieve the goals that I set out. Because that really hurts your beliefs about yourself - I remember back on my calls with Cam, he would tell me to do certain things - I'd say yup i'll do it, knowing full well in the back of my head that I wasn't going to do it. But I am now at a point, where I realise - If I don't do the things I set out to do... I'm not reaching my goals, Period. I feel so EMOTIONALLY DEEP into this. You don't understand - Nothing is stopping me now. That butterfly feeling you get - Yup I feel that everytime I think about my goals. Because I KNOW I will get there. I just gotta stay motherfucking patient. AH FUCK, I WANT IT SO BAD - The travelling, the experiences, the girls. TO EXPERIENCE LOVE? TO EXPERIENCE SEX? LMAO Fucking hell, so much I wanna experience. So much I'm going to experience, and this shit is happening this year. Hehe, i'm getting giggily because I know fully, and trust in myself that I will NEVER quit until I have achieved my goals. I have never been a quitter, and I never will be. I can even use examples from League of Legends (Oh man how much time I spent playing that game). The whole team have given up except one person. ME. I NEVER backed down. I would never stop motivating my team, I would keep fighting, I would keep carrying. And even when they thought it was impossible to win, sometimes... We won! And this was because I never stopped believing baby. Wow like I just used my gaming days to confirm my beliefs in myself haha. But fuck it, I will because I can. Look dude - I was a super competitive gamer. They were the only games I played. LoL, CSGO, Racing on GTASA, Racing on GTAV, Overwatch, Rocket League, PUGB. And the things I achieved because I was so confident in my ability. And I practised, I watched tutorials, I learnt the skills most people couldn't be bothered to learn or practise - And I dominated. I can apply this shit to my real life, and I am. I'm taking the time to build my foundation, to learn from the experts. I know I can be a leader - I used to run a faction on GTASA with over 100 people. I was the mother fucking leader, and I was respected by everybody. I was that motherfucker calling the shots on League, the CORRECT SHOTS - Because my ass watched how the pros played. Man, I scale up quick - I went from Bronze 3 to Plat 2 in one season. Fucking hell, i'm pumping my EGO big time right now xD Yolo, I can speak about my past. Just had a crazy thought - Next time I go out - I'm totally just ranting about how good I used to be on league of legends to some chick I decide to talk to. Wow writing pumps me up man. I started this post because I was deflated as fuck - Now i'm fucking inspired! I inspire myself... What a beautiful thing. Shame it's 11PM and I wanna go sleep. Genuinely feel like I can conquer the world right now. - Brad.
  5. Er cause I live in England and it's cold! Plus they are really comfy and they feel nice on the steering wheel! Plus I feel kinda bad ass when I wear em :P
  6. Looking forward to following your journey bro! It's always gonna be tough, but I believe you can do it! Keep it up man.
  7. I TOTALLY RELATE TO THIS Hahaha. Dancing is so awesomeee! I enjoyed reading through your journal, keep it up! Fight through the pain and live your life to the fullest! :)
  8. @AssellusPrimus Thanks for reading man! I really enjoy journaling because it allows me to process thoughts better. And of course it's awesome to see where you have come from! I personally don't even think I've scratched the surfaces of the achievements I want to accomplish ;). I sure will keep up with the journaling, 2018 is gonna be HUGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
  9. The troops are rallying! Allowing myself to be vulnerable has seriously changed things in a massive way! Some of the ways things have changed recently: 1. Being completely open and transparent to my family about my desires and my troubles has relieved a huge pressure. Although they have known what I've been desiring for quite a while, only recently have I really stressed how much this needs to happen. And it's through my actions that they have realised I'm fucking serious. I believe this is the key to getting my Mom on my side. After witnessing me waking up at 5AM everyday, studying all weekend, and finally seeing my goals and aspirations pinned on my wall in my room today, my Mom messaged me saying how proud she is that I'm chasing after my goals. And how she wished she did the same. It's frustrating and saddening for me to see my Mom with the victim mindset, and I'm determined to help her too. She is not in a great situation herself and is pretty much going through a mid-life crisis just like my Dad. I'm hoping to inspire my Mom to take action herself. Currently she doesn't have the self-belief she has the attitude to do it. But I am going to keep reminding and prompting her until something finally clicks within her. Likewise with my Dad. However the light is starting to shine through for us both. My Dad has had a REALLY bad time with his business the past few years and also just his general life situation. Helping him with his social media and web presence has really brought us closer together. We've had longer chats over the phone, we talk about the books we've read and kind of have a mini-mastermind going on. It's great because we both inspire each other. He actually says to me over the phone how i'm inspiring him to take action. My sister is the only one in our close family whom seems to have everything going amazing for her. She's smashing her A Levels, got an awesome group of friends and is on the Great Britain Start up Rowing team, and is in complete love with it. (She's training in Belgium right now!). I would be lying if I said I wasn't jealous of her situation at first. But the beautiful thing is, now that my path is becoming clearer and I can see where i'm heading, it allows me to simply just be happy for my sister. And to support her where I can. My feelings of jealously and envy are not really there anymore. Although I do wish I will find a sport that I truly fall in love with. And I will, it will just take a bit of time and patience. Like I mentioned on my birthday post, my sister has got my back too. Mentioned how proud she is of me on my journey. So I am so eternally grateful that I now knowingly have the full support of my family. And all it took was to open myself up and show that i'm being serious. 2. Becoming vulnerable to my self-beliefs. Not resisting them. I've really dived a lot deeper lately into what my true beliefs about myself are. And what is holding me back. I had to break through a lot of resistance, and I feel there is still a lot more down there to be dug up. But by digging to the root cause of my insecurities and negative beliefs and fully embracing them... has released a lot of pressure. It wasn't easy to do, and it wasn't very pleasant either. But oh man I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I think smoking the weed my friend got me for my birthday just enabled a whole new layer of introspection too. Some crazy shit, I feel like I wanna take some other psychedelic drug now lol. Even though I'm not where I want to be. I am generally going through life with a very happy attitude. It's only when I'm sitting at my desk at work that I feel supressed, unable to express my true self. But even still, I just start daydreaming and thinking about things that make me laugh. I feel like the energy of every around me at work brings me down too. No one is vibrant and seems very happy at all, they all look bloody miserable. And I can feel that negative energy. Even so, I carry myself with very positive energy and I'd like to think that it radiates with those around me. I usually always manage to crack a smile from anyone I walk past at work. I've taken quite a bit of interest into the energy of life. And I really believe in it. The book i'm reading at the moment "The Most Powerful GOAL achievement system in the world" talks about it. I've now supercharged my goals with energy and I feel so powerful now that i'm going to achieve them. Gamequitter people. I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU READ THIS BOOK The book is just starting to talk about programming the sub-conscious mind and revealing different techniques you can use. One that stood out to me was self-hypnosis and brainwave technology. It's scientifically proven that you can alter the brainwaves in your brain to achieve different frequency levels via binaural beats. When you are at Beta frequency levels (Around 12-30hz), this is when your brain is engaged, problem solving mode. At alpha (8-12hz) you are in a more meditative, present state. Focused on the world around you. The next stage is where it gets more interesting though, you can go lower to Theta frequency levels (3-8hz) which is where you no longer sense the outside world. Long-time meditators are able to reach this state through much practise. This is also the level you are at when having lucid dreams (which are epic by the way!). Apparently if you can reach this level you can learn so much about yourself. MAN I WANNA TRY THIS SHIT, I feel like I must have gotten pretty close when I smoked that weed xD. I've taken interest in spiritual healing too. There is a practise called Reiki that I will learn about once I have freed myself from my day job and got more time on my hands. Spirituality quite excites me man, I really wanna learn more about it. Now is not the right time though, I need to prioritise on sorting out my work situation first. So yeah anyways, I just wanted to post because I feel like my mind is becoming more free. Things are clicking together for me. I've got a huge journey ahead of me and i'm excited for what is to come! :D - Brad
  10. Ya. When I said bitcoin I meant crypto currencies. I've got a few alt coins and also some etherum. I'm in this for the longer haul though. The market is super low at the moment and I feel it will definetly pick up near the end of 2018 and into 2019-20
  11. Created my vision board today: To keep me inspired to keep taking action. Still got some other things that I want to add. I'm thinking of putting a world map above my boards. And then pinning the places I want to go. Getting a picture of a rock solid body. Going to now read a book on goal setting. It's called "The Most Powerful GOAL achievement system in the world" by Mike Pettigrew. I'm quite aware of my goals now, but I want to drill them in and supercharge them with super energy so that I am always on point. And able to pick myself up when I hit low points. After a bit of reading, I will finish the facebook ads course I started. Once I have finished that course, i'm going to start going through the 20 hour course on digital marketing that I got on Udemy.com. My current plan is to do all of my testing with digital marketing on my dads business. He's at a point now which is basically like a new startup, except he has amazing skills in his job. He also said that if I get him some more clients then I can keep the £500 he lent me to invest in bitcoin. Bring it on! I'd also like to get good at building websites with wordpress. I feel like I coud become very good at this, and is something I feel I would enjoy quite alot. RIght now I want to focus more on learning marketing more. I am going to set up a personal website too. I want one which is more personal and is documenting my journey. The other will be a professional site that has my portfolio of work on there. My Dad's business will be a great starting point for my portfolio. I'm thinking I can also ask a friend if he needs help with his DJ'ing business that he's trying to start up. My focus will be on providing excellence service and getting a great reputation. I would like to purchase Seth Godin's course on freelancing. It's a tad more expensive than the other courses at £50. But that is nothing compared to the potential returns. I'm looking forward to the next few days. I have Monday off of work due to the Easter holiday. Providing me with a lot of time to get things off the ground! :) The main thing is FOCUS. I need to make sure I stay focused and make the most of these next few days. LETS GOOO
  12. I just had the craziest psychedelic trip of my life. Last night I smoked the joint my friend got me for my birthday. I wanted to have a proper chill-out before the long weekend ahead of me where I will be studying and learning hard. I've been introspecting a lot lately and really trying to dive deep into my subconscious and see what's rooted in there. I've been having a lot of resistance and mind chatter whilst attempting to do so. Being high as fuck forced me into the present. There was only now and I was one with everything. I began having very vivid images of my past. I could see everything as if I was there that day. Working through the years I dived deeper and deeper into my memory bank and was seeing snapshots of me when I was 4 years old. I had the innocent child's mild, not a care in the world. Living fully present and curious about the world around me. There was no worries when I was a child, no judging mind. I was simply present and embracing everything around me. I wish I could fully describe what I was seeing but a simple picture can speak 1000 words. I started to see where I became the 'people pleaser'. The girl whom I had a crush on since 4+ all the way up to high school. It was only that girl, no other girl mattered. I would always find ways to sit closer to her, I just wanted to be near to her. I can remember the wishes I would make when a broke a chicken bone. Everytime "I wish Liberty would kiss me". Do you know what is really fucking crazy though... On my way home from work today, right near my home I got stuck in traffic. I randomly decided to look to my right at the person sitting in their car - I'd been looking forwards the whole time before that. And through the misty car window a girl smiled at me. IT WAS HER - Liberty, my childhood crush. I smiled back, and then hesitated a little not knowing what to do so I looked back straight ahead of me. Like what the fuck! She's changed alot now though and I don't find her that attractive no more haha. Infact, and this shit hurts mayn. The girls who I brushed off through-out school because my only focus was on this one girl. I look at them now and HOLY SHIT they are SO HOT. I believe this must be where my wishing mindset started. I was always wishing things would happen but would never take the action. I preferred to sit in my dreams instead of working on making them a reality. That dream did come true, but not in a way I wanted. I went to a party MUCH later on in life, like when I was 12 or something. We played a game of spin the bottle. My dare was to kiss her, infact I think this was the first time I ever kissed a girl. And my only time until the age of 18. And even till this day, I don't think i've ever had a sober kiss. Back to the visions though. I could see me playing on the playground, skidding on the hop-scotch painted flooring. Playing bulldog with my friends, lining up to take a basketball shot when we were playing 'hotseat'. Playing with my cars in the dirt at the back end of the school field, I had no interest in sitting and talking with girls. WHAT WHEN I'VE JUST GOT MY NEW HOTWHEELS CAR BRO? I can see the trees I climbed, the temporary football pitch we made from our school jumpers. It's crazy to think, what was going through my head at that time? What was I thinking? I wish I could dive into my thoughts at that time, but I can only see the pictures and sometimes the feelings I felt. I was never the most talkative kid, I enjoyed listening. Yet I was NEVER afraid to answer the teachers questions, and I loved standing up infront of the class. It didn't bother me. I can see that time in the year 5 show where I was the holiday rep and had like 10 seconds of fame, all by myself on stage. I still remember the very start to my line "WE GOT SPLISH SPLASH..." I can't remember what came after that haha. I remember in dance practice how I was paired up with this girl called Martha, and she was very pretty but I was right next to Liberty so it didn't matter to me. And Liberty kept exclaiming how she wanted to dance with ME. Man, she liked me and I liked her yet we never became that childhood "Boyfriend, girlfriend" because my ass was clueless. Oh, and that Martha girl I was dancing with - She's a professional dancer now and a model, she is SUPER HOT - Like 10/10 banging. I can see the time when I went swimming with the school, I was top of the class. The quickest one there, guess who my rival was. Liberty! She swam for a club at the time, I didn't but I was the quickest! I can vividly remember the time I accidentally hurt her. We were tasked to swim to the bottom of the pool and pick up a ring, I did so and swam back up without looking what was above me. I head-butted her in the stomach. She started to cry and I felt so sorry, so bad... It's so crazy looking back, like this was my life and yet it almost doesn't feel part of me anymore. I am not the innocent little kid I was back then, and so the thoughts and believes I had back then. Are not me anymore. I feel like i've relieved a load of tension, accepting who I am. It really is beautiful introspecting and seeing my past. And it's mad how those images are still stored in our brain. If the images are stored in our brain then the beliefs must be too. I've been learning to improve my memory lately, going through a speed-reading course. And they say that by forming images you remember so much more, it creates alot more connections and makes remember things a lot better. I just honestly can't believe how I'm able to see my past right now, it's so clear. There are many scenarios that are popping into my head even now, and i'm not even high anymore. It's almost like i've reactivated my past. Mayn I can even see how even when I was little, I was ALWAYS late to school. My friends would knock on my door, I would never be ready. I CAN SEE WHERE MY GAMING ADDICTION BEGAN. I can see where my social life started to degrade away. It all started around the age of 4, I had my gameboy advance. Playing my hercules game, sonic the hedgehog, the incredibles. The game would never save, I would simply go from the start again. Then I had the gameboy advance sp. I can't remember how much time I spent on these things, but I know I played them alot but I was always still very active and adventerous and would go around friends houses etc. I had my playstation 1 and this is where I started to sit in my room a little more, I would eventually get bored though and play with my scalletric or cars. I had a playstation 2 and gaming time started to ramp up even more, playing gran turismo and pro evo soccer/fifa 03, driv3r - Holy moly I used to play that game alot! OH AND GRAND THEFT AUTO SAN ANDREAS. The game that I revisited when I was 13/14 on PC and spent 2800+ hours plus on a roleplay server. Things got more serious when I got a ps3. Call of Duty 4. All my friends had it. We would only talk about it in school, strategies what gun set ups you have. Who was the best at it. I was... Me and this guy called Calvin. We were the 'Godly' ones. After school we'd all get online and play for hours. I was so hooked. My playtime got worse when Mw2 came out, this is where we all went super sweaty. Spending all day playing it. I can remember playing gta 4 on the ps3 with all my friends. At this point, is where my social life really started to decline. If I got bored of a game, I wouldn't call on a friend or anything. I would simply sit in my chair looking at my pile of games, thinking... Which one should I play next? I didn't really have any games I wanted to play. But I forced myself to just pick one and play it. Gaming was my life, there was nothing else. Damn how my life has changed. I didn't even realise you could go on psychedelic trips with weed. There is so much inside of me that is reinforcing these negative beliefs about myself - Like "I'm always the quiet guy" blah blah. By revisiting these areas of my life I am aiming to simply accept it as it was and let the beliefs leave my body. I 100% think that in the future they will invent a device that can create a storyboard of your life by connecting up to your brain and forming the images. Kinda like what you see on the movies lol. Gah there is so much I can write about this trip, but I'm the only one who knows what i'm seeing. And I can see it and be unable to fully describe it. You know, when I was high I had a thought along the lines of. - When Eckart Tolle wrote 'The Power of Now', was he high? Because I feel like I fully understood what he was pointing at. All there ever was, was right now. I felt like I reached this ultimate level of enlightenment lol. What an amazing experience. I wanna go on more trips! xD - Brad
  13. Today I decided to start doing video blogs again! Maynnn I love it! It's great fun, especially whilst driving. Gives me something extra to do other than audiobooks! Check em out! Yes I did 3, I got super excited after each one! Haha. In the first video I show my shitty car and then the reason for starting my video blog again. Back again with the video blogs! Second video I explain a little about what's going on right now. Where I'm at! Third video I just get a bit hyped on my way to my boxing class. I love this shit! I plan to do more, aiming to improve my vocal tonality, story telling, facial expressions and just general word structure :)
  14. Today is my birthday! I haven't posted in quite a while... So lets update where I'm at. I've arrived at a real cross-road right now. And I'm finding it difficult to make the right choice. Basically, I'm losing confidence in my Shopify store. Well actually, I'm not... BUT, I'm realising that to really make it successful and start earning some cash that I can live off of, it's gonna take TIME and a lot of effort. WHICH, I'm certainly prepared to do, I'm not backing out. My issue is that I want to replace my day job income as quick as possible and give myself MORE CONTROL over my TIME. So basically what i'm getting to is, I feel like I should be trying to freelance first and then moving to passive income after. And this is where I feel really STUPID... When @Cam Adair was coaching me, he TOLD ME this... And I didn't fucking listen did I. In fact, I feel like through-out a lot of his coaching he would tell me things, I would listen but then go and do what I was thinking anyways... And now that the coaching is finished, I'm realising what he was saying is exactly what I should have been doing. Now I'm attacking this alone without his guidance, which is probably gonna take longer than had I took action straight away... BUT, at least I've become aware of it. I feel like that is what is so beautiful about coaches/mentors. They help bring awareness to things that you at that moment cannot see yourself. Like with some things you know the answer in the back of your mind, but you're too afraid to admit it to yourself. They help give a different perspective on YOUR life situation. So ya know, I think back and go... Hm did I waste my money? Because I didn't take the action I should have... I think no. Because it has brought real awareness to myself, which is KEY. Obviously, I could have got more out of it for my money, but that's a lesson learnt I suppose. I think the main thing I learnt from the coaching is just how many damn excuses I make for myself, and just how much I say things to make people feel sorry for me so that they agree and then I don't have to take action. Arghhh. Anyways... So. I have multiple cross-roads actually. The first one is... Do I sell my store and focus on learning a skill for freelancing (More on that in a bit). Or do I continue with my store and try and learn as much from it as I can (In the forms of facebook advertisements, marketing, optimization, analytics, etc...). Here's the thing, i've already learnt quite a bit from simply doing the project. Ya, I'm at a loss but I don't really care that much. Obviously, it is a little frustrating, but fuck it. All successful people have a ton of failures behind them. So i'm like, do I continue to try and extract as much information from this... But in doing so, i'm pushing back how long it will take me to escape my 9-5 job. Which, is driving me insane. It's fucking bad for my health yo, mentally and physically. Listening to what I really want in my head, it's telling me to sell the store and focus on learning a skill for freelancing and pursuing that. But then another part of my brain is telling me DON'T FUCKING GIVE UP DUDE. (From all the books and shit i've read, they always talk about staying committed and consistency). And I do believe, if I stick at my store and really commit myself to it, I can make it work. But I don't think my heart is in it right now, I don't think I truly believe in the products i'm trying to sell and the market i'm trying to sell to. What i'm thinking along the lines of is this. Sell the store, focus on freelancing and then I can create another store later on in a better niche for myself. But then another side of me doesn't want to lose all the efforts i've put into the store, and it feels like I could make it successful and make at least a bit of passive income from it since i've already done most of the hard work. I'm going to sit on it for a little while, but I don't want to sit on it too long because obviously there are monthly payments and shit that I have to make lol. Right, so for freelancing... What will I do? Right now, the two main ideas I have is... Being a social media marketer or a web developer. The important thing is, both of these will enable me to be a digital nomad. So why social media marketer? Firstly, there is a HUGE demand for this. And I can really see it myself too. For example, my Dad has his own carpentry business but he is really struggling with the social media side of things. He's like nearly 50 now. He wants me to help him with it and has even told me, that this is something that ALOT of business owners like himself need. Social media is HUGE, it's pretty much essential for any business now. And I mean if you find the right clients, there is big bucks involved too. I'm making a massive generalization right now, but a large percentage of business owners are in their 50's and probably do not know too much about social media, nor can they be bothered to learn. So if they can pay someone to run it for them which in turn could potentially make THEM a shit ton more cash... Like they are gonna do it man. My self-doubting beliefs on this however is firstly, I feel like i'm not very good at marketing and coming up with strategies. I'm not a very organised person, I don't post much to social media myself and don't have a massive presence. But here's the thing, I can LEARN marketing and I plan to take courses on it on UDemy.com. I do have a belief circulating my brain saying that i'm not naturally good at marketing. But I want to try and overcome it. I can learn this shit, become more confident about myself. I can learn and commit to being more organised. And i've just got to start posting more shit online. I can really see the potential in this, and I feel like I should just learn to overcome my self-doubts. For web developer, firstly I mean I am going to need to know how to market myself anyways to get clients. I think I do enjoy building websites and stuff, putting things together. Having something that is 'mine', 'my creation'. It may take significantly longer to learn this stuff, but again... There are some really good courses on Udemy.com where I can learn this stuff from scratch. I don't have many negative believes about this one other than I feel like there is a fuck ton of competition and it's gonna take me a while to get up to speed. But I mean I already know bits and bobs about coding and I can put websites together. Also i'm a bit unsure on who I would target as my clients. Where as I have a decent idea for social media marketing, and I can practise with my Dad's business. I think i'm gonna learn how to properly do social media marketing and help with my Dad's business. I'll see how that goes. If I really don't enjoy it, I will learn web development and even then I can still learn the marketing skills I have learnt already. I even think if the social media marketing stuff goes well, I wanna learn more about building websites anyways. So yea, that's that. I've got a lot to fucking learn... But it's all available online. And the key thing is, get started motherfucker... --- Some other things, I spent the majority of last weekend learning more about crypto currencies. I kept hearing how the market was super low and also that 2018 is gonna be BIG. So fuck it, I learnt it... I'm broke right now so I had no money to invest. So I rang my Dad up, (whom right now is pretty broke himself) and stressed how much I wanted to get in the market right now and to my suprise he thought it was a good idea. I told him i'll pay him back in like 3-4 months. So I borrowed £500 and put it in. Aha, fuck this is risky but fuck it. Soon I will have paid off Cam and hopefully soon I will have sold my motorbike (ONCE I ORDER THE PARTS AND FIX IT). I'm prepared to take these risks, I don't wanna play life safe mayn. I already am up like £50 so not bad lmao. But i'm in this for the long term. For me Bday, my Mum got me an amazon kindle paperwhite... Which is gonna be PERFECT for me, more KNOWLEDGE hehe. And to compliment that I told my family to get my amazon vouchers. So more books :). Wow. My sister wrote such a beautiful message in her birthday card though. And when I read it - I actually started to cry. It read: "I know i'm an absolute mardy cow but you're my best friend, I admire you for what you're doing and it'll be like losing my left arm when I'm at uni without you". Fuck i'm starting to weep a little now. She is the closest thing to me, and i'm going to be losing her. -- Okay there are more things I want to write, but my friend is arriving soon. We're heading town for my birthday. I'm probably gonna get smashed lmao, who knows... Hopefully I will remember and be able to tell the story. I believe it's now just me and him lol, everyone else has bailed on me. Woo... You can see why i'm going to be so sad when my sister leaves. Right-O, I shall continue my post another day. Peace, Brad.
  15. @Pierce Hey dude, yeah I am trying to! Haha. That's good advice, I do try to when I can. Sometimes I haven't got anything funny to say, but I should definitely put more effort into asking how their day is going etc. I did actually attend a Yoga class last Sunday! Although it wasn't the kind of yoga I was expecting, was more meditative. Still cool regardless. Thanks for reading through my journal and providing some tips! :)
  16. Wow. This shit is tough. Every day I am doubting myself, my online business. My future plans... Can I really make this work? I'm allowing failures to set me back and demotivate me. Every day that goes by without a sale, the less motivated I get. But my goal to become a digital nomad is so strong. Giving up is not an option for me. I have been thinking, should I just sell my current Shopify store? I'll probably make from £100-200. And then I can start again, with more knowledge. I will be able to attack it again with better research around the niche I choose. But uh man, I have made sales with my current store although I am at a loss at the moment... So is it really a business? No lol. But since I have already got a store up and running, and a product that does have some interest. My other thinking is, stick at this store for now and continue to try things out and figure it all out. I think this is what will be best for me right now. I've got data to play with... I'm currently working my way through a Facebook ads course to gain a much deeper understanding of how it all works. I will then apply this to my advertising. Next I would like to learn about Google Adwords and SEO. I have been thinking at the same time, I do enjoy building up the website. So... Should I take a web development course??? Learn to become a web designer. Gah so many options, gotta focus on one thing at a time! I wish I could just devote my whole day to learning and getting better at this stuff, but I have to go to work... Which I should mention, i've been really unproductive at work at the moment. I'm constantly thinking about my store or day-dreaming about travelling, skiing, scuba-diving or some shit... Or thinking about my awful social life - Which when I think deeply, is one of the main drivers for wanting to break free and travel. Escaping the miserable UK and meeting adventurous, like-minded people. I do seriously need to be writing lists and plans for myself. Without a plan, I feel lost. I don't get shit done. I need to focus on one thing at a time, I get distracted quite easily. I can be focusing on one thing and something will take my interest and i'll start looking at that instead. This is not a way to be productive! Also figuring out what I should be prioritising my time with. I often feel like I am doing things which might not be the most important/efficient thing to be doing at that moment in time. I do feel extremely lonely at the moment. I feel very much alone on my journey. I'd love to have someone by my side striving for the same things. I often think, how awesome would it be to have a girlfriend who has the same kind of goals as me and we could help each other on our journeys. I'm in a dangerous position at the moment, because if I give up on my goals. I have NO ONE who will push me to keep going. It's all up to me, which is beautiful at the same time. Ya, I just don't know how much longer I can cope with my long, working in an office days though. Why the hell did I chose to do an office job man... I said when I was a kid "I never want to work a desk job". Yet here I am bitches! I was looking at army jobs or joining the marines earlier lol. I do keep thinking, if my online venture doesn't work... The army would be a perfect place for me. It would be filled with adventure and new things to do each day, i'd get to travel and meet cool dude. I was also thinking, damn i'd love to be a ski instructor or a scuba dive instructor or a skydive instructor. How fucking awesome would that be. I think that if I improve my communication skills, coaching could be something I very much enjoy. Especially if it's in an adventurous activity or sport. I've never even scuba dived or jumped out of a plane, but I just know that I will love it! Just like how i loved surfing and skiing and that bungee jump thing I did in Australia. I need more adrenaline pumping actions in my life. I'm a mother fuckin' junkee and I have no outlet at the moment. I think i've realised, although i've probably known this for a while... That I am most happiest when I am taking part in an adventurous activity. Something I can fully immerse myself in, be fully present in. Sitting in an office all day is just not me, no wonder I get so depressed about it. Gah I bitch too much about my job, why do I not have the balls to just go do something different right now. Urgh, I have commitments to pay off bills/debts. Fuck this adult life shit mayn. Keep going Brad! Fucking hang in there, it's just like 4 months... 4 months, that's all. 4 months till what? Er, like I think i'll be more financially stable by then. Infact lets set a motherfucking goal right now. Time to be S.M.A.R.T. Aim for the moon, if I miss I will at least land with the stars :) I will earn £2000 from shopify dropshipping in 2 months time. It's specific in that I want to earn £2000 from shopify. Measurable - Well Shopify well let me know how much i've earnt. Achieveable - Most definetely is possible, many people have done it before. Relatable - Well, if i'm making £2000 online - That very much is a big step into becoming a digital nomad Time - 2 months. I've heard there is a book by Brian Tracy all about goals. Maybe I should get that. I also need to become more productive so should find some books on that. Alright, I need to sleep now so I can wake up in the morning and keep hustling. Also R.I.P. Steven Hawkin :(
  17. Holy shit dude, I'm glad you're alright. And wow what a reminder that we take what we have in everyday life for granted.
  18. Haha thanks man. Yeah still need to update my facebook page. Also I picked those leggings because when I was doing my research they came up as a hot product. Got 5 sales so far with not the best advertising. So clearly some people like them! :p And I might just do that y'know! xD
  19. Wow, I hit a real low today... Huh, so where I thought my mind was indestructible now. It started to crumble a little today. I think the main factor for feeling like shit today, is that I've been running on very little sleep. Wednesday night I got 5 hours sleep, I went bed late and still wanted to stick to my 5AM wake-up routine. And then last night I only got 6 hours sleep. Add in the fact that I've been working out every day. I definitely think it has taken a toll on my mental health. Another factor, although I don't see how it could have too much effect on today. I had a really shitty meal last night too, fish and chips from the chip shop. I only had it because my Mom brought it home and we had literally no food to cook at home lol. I really don't like the taste of junk food anymore, it sucks. So yea, tiredness I think has been the main factor for my low today (I think). Gonna catch up on it tonight! The start to my day went fine, I woke up at 5AM and jumped out of bed almost immediately. Showered, meditated and made a coffee. I wrote down two things I wanted to get done today. 1. Create email opt in pop up for my website, 2. Add 3 new products to my store. I decided in the morning to create my opt in form, and I did. Great. Item 1 done. Arrived late to work by 10 minutes... (I may have lost track of time whilst creating my opt in form!). I wasn't very productive at work either. I actually spent quite a lot of time researching Yoga classes lol. I really wanted to find one to attend this weekend. First off I want to increase my flexibility, secondly I want to further enhance my mind management and thirdly, to socialise and meet like-minded people! And to be honest, I think the 3rd one is huge for me. I am really getting into the whole mindfulness, meditation, spiritual energies and all that. I think it's great! And I feel like Yoga is the kind of place where i'll meet people who are into that! I would like to read more books on the subject, just want to make sure I balance the time between that and working on my online business. And also figure out which books to read! :P Anyways, I had a dentist checkup appointment. At least I thought I did! I did get my Mom to book it whilst I was at work a week or so ago because I was having bad jaw pain. To be honest, I wasn't sure if I damaged it when I took a swift left hook to the jaw during my boxing sparring or if it was my wisdom teeth causing the pain. This week I haven't really had the pain. Turns out the appointment was actually an emergency check-up, that I still had to pay £39 for! Guess how long it took them to check my tooth? 30 seconds if that... I mean they did do an X-Ray too, which again, took another 30 seconds. But shi' son. Oh and it turns out, my wisdom teeth are growing sideways. Like wtf? They are literally 90° to my other teeth. That's fucked. If I get pain again, apparently i'll have to go hospital to get them extracted. I booked myself in for a proper check up too, which is going cost me another £39... Fookin hell. But I mean teeth are for life, so I should probs make the investment lmao. Right, back to why I hit a low today. God, i'm not feeling sad anymore, writing seems to cheer me up! I did find a yoga class to attend. But due to the dentist appointment and poor planning afterwards, I had left very little time to get changed and commute there. I probably would have been late and had to have rushed. So I decided to not go last minute, that kinda bummed me out. I really wanted to go. I'm going to find a class to go to tomorrow or Sunday now instead. So when I get home, this is where I felt myself returning to my old self a little. I couldn't get myself into the mood to work. I didn't feel the excitement or motivation. I decided to open up my laptop and try to work anyways. And this is where I realised what had gone wrong. I felt lost again, unsure of myself, unsure what action to take, what to actually do. I didn't have a real plan, I didn't really know what I actually wanted to do when I opened up my laptop. I wrote down earlier that I wanted to add 3 more products, I ignored that at first and thought about trying to improve my email service. I opened it up and my brain just did not want to operate. So I thought, I will leave this task until my head is clearer and sharper. I then went to look at adding some more products. AND THIS IS WHERE I SHOULD MENTION - Last Sunday I decided to try NoFap again. And it went well all week. Today, i'll be honest - I felt sexually frustrated. I think it got triggered earlier on because I had a stroll down instagram when I recieved a notification from my instagram ads. When I scroll down my instragram feed, this is what I see. All of my old classmates from sixth form - At university, partying it up. Girls are in the pictures. I'm seeing girls uploading pictures just before they go on night outs. I'm seeing the digital nomads and entrepreneurs living the life I want so bad, but haven't gotten yet. I'm just seeing people 'enjoying' their life. One of my old best buddies is doing a ski season in France, and he's posting pictures of the mountains and the beautiful ski tracks and all the snow. FUCK I WANT IT SO BAD. I really want to do a ski season, I want to do a working holiday, maybe a summer camp. Something fucking adventurous. And this is why I want to become a digital nomad, because then I can make that into a more permanent lifestyle rather than a 'once in a lifetime' opportunity. ANYWAYS, I went off on a fucking tangent again! xD I loaded up wish.com for some ideas for products, it's a chinese site and for some reason - they insist on constantly showing you sex toys, with blurred nippled naked women on the pictures. I could feel that horny type feeling arising as I strolled through the products, I kept resisting and resisting - I told myself NO. But then my willpower failed me and I gave in. And I blew ma damn load in seconds - Shit I hope that doesn't happen when I finally have sex with a girl. Most probably will - Gotta get there first... I did calm down though and managed to find some product ideas. Found a shit ton to add to my site. For some reason I decided to do a google trends search on 'camouflage'. The results showed that it peaks every year in the winter and then dies down by a fair amount going into the summer. This kinda hit me and demotivated me quite a bit actually... Like shit, we're just exiting winter and going into summer, and my site is based on camouflage products. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I swear I searched and researched this shit before? After all, that was my main reason for taking so long to start - I was analysing fucking everything to the point it was stopping me from taking action. I actually stopped searching for more products at this point. I felt angry. - I remembered I have a digital nomad book and started flicking through that for more ideas. WHY? It was almost like I just immediately gave up on it all. I shouldn't abandon this! I still have so much more to learn, i'm not going to give up on my store. I believe I just had a moment where I thought all bridges were falling and everything I worked on was for nothing. Anyways yea, this anger persisted. I wanted to punch shit, I have nothing to punch. I punched my wall. Although not too hard because it's a thin wall and I didn't want to put my fist through it (I still had an element of control at least!). I punched the bathroom wall, that's a bit harder. I looked at a picture on the wall of me when I was younger, and I shouted at it "YOU FUCKED UP!". So much anger, I had to release it somehow. Punching the wall was not the solution, i'd fuck up my hand. I decided to try transfer this energy into lifting heavy ass weights at the gym. Got my gym clothes on, put some angry music on, and fucking sprinted as fast as I could to the gym. Stormed in that bitch, to the bench press rack. Racked up the weights and GAHHHHH. Tried benching 60kg 5x5. I managed 1x5 and then 4x4 failing on the 5th everytime. I always fail just before lock out, my triceps need work. They weak as fuck. My anger persisted for quite a while, it was only near the end of my workout that I started to calm down. Got home and thought, hm yea this would be a perfect time to journal this shit. Clear it up, besides it's better to document and identify my weaknesses than just posting my successes. I feel alot more chill now, writing my journal definetely helps me. I can put things into more perspective. For example, I let my emotions rule me today. I could have decided to just observe it and let it pass. I could have just closed wish.com and not relapsed. I could have got more sleep. Planned better for my yoga class. Booked my dentist appointment myself to ensure that I was booking for the right thing. Anyways, no point dwelling - Learn and move on. I will get some good rest, and attack my business again tommorow with a clear mind. Oh yea, one final thing that just popped into my head. I think my best mate is really starting to move away from me now. I mean we barely hung out before anyways, infact we never did unless we were going town. But now he's barely replying to texts. I'll be honest, as much as it hurts to think it. He is probably bad for me. All he seems to do is smoke weed all day, works a dead end job and does nothing all day except visiting his girlfriend. Fuck that shit. This is probably why we're separating. FUCK SAKE - I just wrote 1000 more words and it all got deleted. There was some real gold in there for me too! I tried to write it out again but had lost my state of flow. I did write it though. AND GUESS WHAT, IT GOT DELETED AGAIN. Fuck this, i'm ending the post now. Key points from those 1000 extra words. - I feel like my Mom is negatively influencing me - I want to move out - I feel like because I want success so bad i'm pushing those closest to me away. - They say you are the result of the 5 closest people to you. I think I only have 4. Mum, Sister, Friend, Dad. - I want to move out of the UK and start fresh. Bali i'm coming for you baby! - Fresh start tommorow, not giving up on my goals - Must plan out what i'm going to do, and be clear. - When I don't have a plan, I feel lost and unmotivated. - Deadlines are key for me. I work super hard when I am nearing deadlines at work. But I work slow if there are no deadlines. - I lose my flow big time when I lose 1000 words. Holy shit lmao. Probably a blessing because I will just remove the bullshit from my writing and clear up my points in a easier to read manner. I just feel like i'm unable to express my reasoning behind my points to those reading. Like about my Mom negatively influencing me and stuff, I just really cannot be arsed to re-write that shit for the 3rd time... Sorry.
  20. @Shine Magical - Here is my store link - http://camobody.com Currently, i'm just selling compression leggings with camouflage patterns on. Had 4 sales so far! :) I plan to add more products, just gaining an understanding of it all at the moment! Update - Been a little inactive on my journal posts this week. To be quite honest, I've just been quite busy. Every spare second I get I'm usually working on my business or working out. I'm now at 4 sales on my store. Which yeah ain't much, but damn it's a start! I'm still learning loads and have so much more to work on. I'm not making any profit at the moment, but I really do not care. It's fun learning this stuff! I've been continuously testing my instagram ads and I have now found an ad set that seems to work quite well. So I am going to start scaling it and hopefully start to see some profits coming in! But again, i'm not worried about the money at the moment. I'm just trying to optimize and dive deep into the data I'm receiving on my google analytics. Things are definitely looking good for the future though. What I do need to work on. Is being more organised on what I actually want to work on, on my business. There are many things I want to try, so I need to construct a plan and organise when I should do each thing. Currently, i'm kind of just free-balling it and going for whatever I feel like at that moment. I'm going to start writing a list of things to do and then get it into priority order. Apparently, this is what my sister does for her school work and she writes it down in a paper journal, so I am going to do the same. Organisation has always been a weak point of mine, I'm more of a wing it kinda guy. So it is up to me to learn to be more organised. Because I believe that is key in this line of work! I did mention in my last post that I wanted to update my goals. I haven't gotten round to doing this yet, but I definitely do still want to do this. So yeah, at the moment. My main focus is, continue to grow my Shopify store and working out. Obviously, I do want to improve my social situation too. But to be honest... Right now, i'm not that bothered by it. I'm working towards my ultimate goal of breaking free from the 9-5 and being able to work location independently. When I get to that stage, which I will! I will have alot more opportunities to be meeting new people and working more on my social life. When opportunities arise to socialise, I will act upon them. And I will hit the clubs this weekend. Getting girls right now is not a concern to me, i'd rather get my business booming! :) Obviously, i'm not denying the fact that I still want to experience relationships. But my current thought pattern is... Make the sacrifice now and get my financial/lifestyle situation sorted out first, and then pursue my social goals. I know right now, that if I did it the other way around it would be so much harder... As there would be this huge hole in my life that I am unhappy about, which has a massive effect on how I feel and therefore on how I socialise. Working towards my goals is giving me huge confidence and purpose and I feel so much better for it! I feel so driven right now too. I wake up at 5AM every morning to work on my business for 1 hour, 30 minutes before work. Whilst also meditating every morning and hopping in a cold shower. What i've actually been doing which has really helped me actually. Whenever I do feel negative feelings arise about my 'social life', I recognise it firstly. But then I transfer that negative energy into DRIVE. My dedication to making my online business a success rises, and I take action! No more excuses. I am now at a point where i'm doing all that it takes to improve my situation. Nothing is stopping me. My mind is bullet proof. No one can stop me. Shit i need to adopt this same mentality to approaching women. And this is where I turn this thought into - Yes, I do need to approach more women. Right now, I don't have many opportunities to do that. Therefore, I am doing all that it takes to get my life situation sorted first. Which once sorted, WILL grant me more opportunities. So yeah, right now there are two paths I can take. Life situation OR Girls. I am choosing life situation as this will have a knock-on effect for girls. :). I can cope a little while longer without girls. I mean i've spent the last 19 years and 11 months without a girl in my life. So a few more months whilst I sort my business out won't hurt me... And who knows, my focus won't be on girls but they very well could still enter. Life can sometimes work like that, the moment you stop focusing on something is when it actually comes into your life. Don't get me wrong though, I am still going to go to clubs and stuff. I'm just not going to stress about having to go out and meet people. I will meet people when I meet people, i'm focusing on my own thing right now. Which will have a greater impact on my physical and mental health. Ya I don't know. I just am not worrying about much right now. I know i'm on the right path now, i'm just enjoying the ride. Whatever happens, happens. I just keep taking consistence steps each day towards my goal and I know it will work out. I mean shit, i've only just launched my store, am still so new to marketing and have already gotten 4 sales! It feels great! :D
  21. I got my first sale! :D Oh and very shortly after, I GOT A SECOND! Very exciting stuff! The amazing thing is, there is still so much more I want to do to the store to improve it. So if I'm getting some results from my starting point, wow who knows how much I can make it grow! It just proves that small consistent actions DO add up. I love working on it. Literally, hours can go past and i'm like, well where the fuck did that time go then! That feeling of creating something that is mine is just so satisfying to me. There is definitely a future for me in the internetsphere. When I'm writing my journal, I can just keep writing and writing and the time passes so quickly. I really enjoy writing down my thoughts and lessons. I definitely want to create something in the future around my life lessons and do it in a blog type format. Or I could even give youtube a go! AND I HIT ANOTHER GOAL TODAY! I SQUATTED 100KG 5x5! Yeeehaawwwhhh. I was aiming to do that at the END of THIS YEAR. And I've achieved it on the 2nd of MARCH! Now I really want to get my bench press alot higher and get my chest looking big. I'm going to update my goals at some point this weekend. At my boxing yesterday, a funny thought popped into my head. WHY, am I able to stand up and fight a dude who is twice the size of me (Width ways) and probably 4x as strong. YET, i'm so afraid of simply approach a girl in the streets? I mean, this dude could literally knock my head off. And fuck me, yesterday he about knocked me out with an upper cut to the face. It's completely and utterly RIDICULOUS! xD What's a girl going to do to me? Say some bad words that hurt my feelings? At worse, slap me or pepper spray me or some shit. LMAO, there is literally no threat. But yet there is a threat. It's a threat to my EGO. My ego is going to get hurt bad, and that feels 10x worse than getting punched in the face. So I need to drop it. Another perspective on that thought too was. I was in fact scared of this dude when I first went up against him. And actually, I still do get nervous when i'm told to fight him. But each time I go to fight him, I'm a bit more confident everytime. And why is this? Because instead of avoiding fighting him and remaining scared, I stand face to face with him and take him head on. And I get punched... HARD. But every punch I take, I learn. It hurts, but I get better. And next time... I don't get punched as much! At first, I would buckle as he charges at me, covering myself up with my head down. Meaning, I get destroyed. But over time I learnt to keep my head up and MOVE. Now i'm like a Matador avoiding a charging bull. I can apply these same principles to talking to random girls. I'm going take emotional hits, HARD... But overtime I will learn and get better. I'm scared as fuck right now, but the only way I will get better is by going head-on into what I'm scared of. I do wish I had more opportunities to practice. Man if I was at University I feel like I would easily sort my social issues out. Because I know that I can become quite social when I establish myself in a community. No point in talking about that though unless i'm actually going. Which i'm probably not, because I wouldn't know what I want to study. Phychology really interests me actually, but I feel like I can learn more about people and how they work through books, online courses and life experience. ANYWAYS I DIGRESS. I've got to start going to town during the day on weekends. My only issue though, is that i'd be there with no other purpose than talking to girls. And at the moment, I really want to be getting my business side of things running. So if I could somehow integrate the two, that would be perfect! I will look for some coffee shops to work in over the weekend. I mean it's alot easier to stay at home and work there... But I mean if I want both, I have to make that sacrifice and do it. I was planning to go town tonight. However, I chose against it purley for the fact that it would be darn right stupid to go! England has had alot of snow lately due to the BEAST FROM THE EAST from Russia. And if you want to know one thing about England... It grinds to a fucking halt when a bit of snow hits the floor. Like literally, buses stop running, taxis won't go out, schools close, people call in sick for work and the traffic is just a stand still. It took me 1 hour 30 minutes to get home from work yesterday! People are so shit at driving in the snow lmao. Meanwhile me on the otherhand... WHEELSPIN, PULL THAT HANDBRAKE, DRIFTTTT BABBEYYYY. (Sorry @Shine Magical). Driving in the snow is so fun! I guess that's one benefit of being really good at driving video games, SOME skills transfer into real life driving. Just gotta remind myself that there is no Pause --> Restart button when I fuck up xD. Final note, I've realised that I really do have a passion for how the mind works and how humans work. Like it's all I ever seem to read about. I find it quite fascinating. I really want to learn more about the spiritual side of life too. Reading 'Power of Now' has blown me away, I want to find more out about enlightment, energies, etc. A funny thing actually, when I was in Australia I spoke to this woman on the bus and she was a chart reader. She gave me her email and then sent me my chart. And amazingly, it did actually say on there that I could be suited to Phychology or become a spiritual leader. I don't know why, but this is my vision of what me being a spiritual leader would be. I would have a following of students whom i'd take out into the ocean on surf boards where we practise our meditation and stuff, connecting with the ocean. We'd catch waves and then go climb some mountains and stand at the highest point whilst we all connect with earth around us. Then i'd have developed the ability to spiritually heal, (I heard about this thing called Reiki). I'd do my healing around a campfire and then we'd sleep under stars and become one with the universe. I feel like i'd have a Point Break kind of vibe about me (GREAT SURF FILM). Man come to think about it, point break would be the perfect kind of lifestyle for me! That is the dream lifestyle. Wow I sure do not want to live this "Conventional life" any longer. THERE IS SO MUCH TO GO EXPERIENCE :D My online store is going to become really succesful, i'm making it happen. God so much to look forward to. So much to experience NOW. The second my finances are sorted out, i'm freeing myself from the trap of the 9-5. Right, gotta sleep... It's late. And damn, this post was suppose to be short! I got carried away again!
  22. Dudeeee, it continues to amaze me about how much I can relate to you. Your drunk night outs sound just like mine! Although admittedly I probably don't do as many approach as you. But still, like you say it's cool to see what true inhibition is like. It is a heck of a lot more fun and we can only strive to reach those levels sober! :) And regarding the work stuff, because this has been a massive issue for me... LIKE HUGE. I think it all comes down to what YOU VALUE. What is most important to you? And live your life in accordance to that. When you live in line with your values that is when you will be most happiest. I don't know if you received @Cam Adair's email earlier? It has a document on there to help you find out your top values and what they mean to you. This may help you with your active thinking. Personally I really value freedom so it's NO WONDER I get so down about my 9-5 job. Which is also why I get happy when I'm working towards breaking out of it! :P Anyways, I hope this helps in some way bro! I really enjoy hearing about your epic journey dude, I'm backing you all the way.
  23. 97.5kg 5x5 squat complete. 100kg next time! Oh also, whilst I was resting at the gym. An amazing idea came to my head about my business. To do with who I should be trying to target for my audience. Dunno why I didn't think of it before, but imma test it out and see of it makes a difference! :) The power of resting the mind! What am I grateful for today? - The ability to listen to music to help elevate my motivation - All the great minds in the world who share their knowledge via books - Having a warm home to keep me safe during these cold times.
  24. Woopsie, I haven't posted all weekend! Here's my update: I decided to go out to a nightclub solo and sober Friday night. Was probably one of the worst nights I've ever gone on lol. I didn't approach anyone, was stuck in my head. Did get to dance a bit but felt super awkward. Ended up leaving after like an hour. I really do need to just go for it and start speaking to random people, I'm going to keep going at the weekends and forcing myself to stay despite how uncomfortable I feel. I will eventually just get bored of avoiding taking action and actually go speak to some people. Besides, after me giving @thehondasc00py a kick up the arse to go through with his pull. He has now done the same to me and challenged me to approach at least 3 girls. He completed his, so I have got to do this. I spent quite a lot of my weekend reading 'The Power of Now'. It truly is an amazing book and it has really changed things within me regarding my happiness levels and mindset. I'm about 3/4 of the way through it, so not much left. Honestly guys, read this book - It might just change your whole damn life for the better! :D I've been taking a liking to the Ice Skating in the Winter Olympics and also Dancing on Ice and it gave me the thought earlier on in the week to go Rollerskating. So Saturday evening I took that inspiration and went rollerskating haha! I originally asked my friend but he wasn't up for it, so then I asked my Mum and Sister. My Mum was working but my Sister was down. We went to the leisure centre where we used to do a bit of rollerskating like 5-6 years ago. It was a rollerskate DISCO. Music was blaring and the lights were dimmed down low. I'll be honest, I was probably one of the oldest in there! Obviously a few parents too, but hell it was fun anyways! I was a bit shaky at first but rollerskating is like riding a bike, you never really forget. So I eventually started to pick up some speed! Some kids were speeding around whilst going backwards and doing all kinds of spins and shit. I was like holy shiiitt. I tried going backwards but I did so very slowly! I managed to stay on my feet the whole time... UNTIL THE VERY END! I skated over to where the benches were with a bit too much speed, I tried to use the stopper thing to slow down but I was not slowing down xD. I went crashing into the bench completely wiping it out and then proceeding to fall on my arse! xD I was all good though! My sister found it funny as fuck though. I mean I found it pretty hilarious too haha. Good fun. I think we're gonna plan to go ice skating soon too. I managed to spend a decent amount of time on my Shopify store too this weekend. Launched my first ad last night. I've had a few click throughs to my website and an add to cart. I've still got a lot to learn and I'm looking forward to learning all about testing and analysis. I've got another course by the same guy going through Google Analytics and then he also has a course specifically on Facebook ads. At this stage I'm really not worried about losing money on adverts and courses because in the long run it will serve me well through the knowledge and experience I gain. Besides, the courses were hardly that much. They're like £12 on udemy.com. If there is a skill that you want to learn, I highly recommend you check it out! I've already learnt a lot from there and there are so many more things I want to learn! :D I've picked up a course on udemy about speed reading and comprehension too. I thought, if I'm reading all of these books... Why not increase my efficiency by learning how to actually read faster and retain more information. Surley learning the proper techniques will help me greatly over the long run! I'm going to be doing one final course that covers online marketing in general. Covering most aspects, it's like one of their most highly rated courses. If I'm going to make this all work, I need to start to understand it all better. PLUS, I may just find the area that I want to specialise in and use as a freelancing skill! Gah I just wish I could spend all week learning this stuff! But I'm at work... Ah well, no point in complaining. Just got to optimize my time when I'm not at work. Finding a balance between my fitness and business. Also somehow fitting in social life stuff, but I think that will be put on the back burner a little whilst I focus on getting myself free from the 9-5. I will still go out to clubs at night though. Ultimately though, when I free myself from the 9-5... I will have more opportunities to socialise in the future! :) Anyways, speaking of fitness. I hit the gym on Saturday and smashed my PB for the squat again! 95kg 5x5. Boomshackalka. Ain't nothing stopping me now! I thought I wrote this goal down on my journal, but I wrote it on mark mansons change your life course. But basically, I wrote that my 1 month goal was to squat 85kg and my year long goal was to squat 100kg. PAHAAHA, it's been like a month and I've completely smashed 85kg and I'm so close to 100kg already! Speaking of goals, soon I will review how they have been going so far since I wrote them down. Having a look between what I wrote on Mark Manson's site and in my journal. I'm pretty sure I've completed a few already! :) I certainly feel that my progress has gone into overdrive since coming back from Australia. Feels great! Finally, not too much happened yesterday other than working on my business and then I went swimming for a bit. When swimming, there was a girl who was really good in the fast lane with me. When she finished, I was propped up against the side recovering my breath. I thought to myself, you gotta say something! "Hey, do you swim for a club?" She responded "Yeahh" whilst laughing a little and proceeding to exit the pool. Pat on the back Brad, you said something. Last thing I want to write down. I was on the phone to my Dad last night and he has been really struggling with his business lately. I really want to help him, but at the same time I want to be working on my own thing too. I also feel like I can help his mindset too. I just got to work on my delivery and learn how to explain what I'm trying to say better... Too often i'll jump into a concept and then just get all confused whilst talking lol. It makes sense in my head! As soon as I start speaking I get confused with myself! Anyways, he says he gets all inspired when he speaks to me. So that's good to hear! I think it's a combination of him hearing me getting on well with my goals and also I do try to identify areas he can work on. But I don't really want to be brutal and offend him! And besides, who knows if I know best... I can only offer an opinion. Which hopefully gets him thinking. The good thing however, the stuff I'm learning should help my Dad with his business. So I could definitely try and help him out. And that will give me a taste of the freelance world too! That's all for now, Brad.
  25. So... I was supposed to be going on a date today. Unfortunately, the girl is having some issues with her parents splitting up so wouldn't be able to come out tonight. I'm quite surprised she told me that... But I think she's open to going out again. It woulda been my first ever Tinder date! In fact, the girl used to go to my school but I had never spoken to her before although once very briefly. The plan was to just go get some drinks at a pub in town and then we were gonna hit a nightclub together. When I first spoke to her the week before, I had mentioned that I was going out to the club by myself and she seemed to dig that. Thinking it was all brave and shit and how she could never do that. So we organised to go out this Friday. Oh well, there is always another time. Yesterday, I had a migraine. I have not suffered from a migraine in at least over a year! So it was quite upsetting that I still have that condition. I think it came down to a few factors though. FIrst of all, I didn't get that much sleep the night before. I went to bed quite late as I visited a friend late on Wednesday to pick up my phone charger that I left in Northhampton the other weekend. Second was stress. I got myself a bit worked up, basically I wanted to train at my sparring class but also my team at work were going out for a meal. I was orginally going to just go for the meal out and skip training, but I really wanted to train too and I had been looking forward to it. So I decided to meet up with them straight after work for like 40 minutes. It was in a bar type venue. I felt extremely uncomfortable sitting on a table in close proximity to all my workmates. My boss was opposite me on the table too, although she is really chill so it's not like I was even trying to impress her or anything. I was struggling to come up with anything to say. I often feel like I have nothing in common with them. They will talk about motorbikes and all this random shit and I'll try to keep up but I get lost. I think an issue of mine, is that because i've been focusing so much on my mind and mindset and becoming a more successful person, this is all that occupies my mind and therefore I have become a bit out of touch with everything around me. And it was just the case when I was gaming too, all I ever thought about was video games and what I can do to improve my game competitively. I become obsessed with these thoughts and it makes it hard for me to chat about random shit because my mind is stuck thinking about these other things. Anyways so yeah, I guess that stressed me out a bit. Finally when I got to my boxing class, we did a really hard workout at the start and I didn't get to drink any water which caused me to become dehydrated. Just before we started sparring, I noticed that my vision started to become a bit impaired. It's like this blurry spot that appears in your vision. And I thought to myself, "Oh please don't be a migraine coming on". Sure as hell it was... I really wanted to spar this new guy though, so I stuck around until I got to spar him. And then I decided to leave early and get home as quickly as possible so that I could rest. The reason I wanted to spar the new guy was because he's my age, my height and he is very muscularly built and we'd already established we'd be very competitive against each other from Tuesdays session where I practically killed my body to ensure that I beat him in the training. Migraines are horrible, you can't see properly and your head goes really fuzzy. You can't think straight, I guess it's like brain fog. Oh and then you get a BANGING headache when the vision comes back. Fortunately my sister had a migraine tablet that I could take, and it did help. I never got the banging headache. Although I do have that slight hangover type headache you always get after having a migraine. So going out drinking and partying tonight probably would not have been wise. I keep hearing about "The Power of Now" so I'm going to devour the whole book right now! :) Also, I am going to hopefully catch up with my good friend from back in Sixth Form. He's at university at the moment but I noticed he is into all these entrepreneurial stuff too and apparently he has read quite a few of the books i've read too. We're gonna talk on skype, i'm quite looking forward to it. I really want to find out what his ambitions are and what he's working on at the moment. And i'll be able to share what i'm working towards too! I really want to find some real life friends who I can share this with, where we can help push each other forward because we know what each others goals are, and what each others weaknesses are. At work today, I started looking at the digital nomad stuff again. I also found a quote and it REALLY resonated with me and got me all inspired. "Life will only change when you become more committed to your dreams than to your comfort zone." - Billy Cox Damn son. This weekend I am going to be focusing on learning all about facebook ads and seeing if I can make any sales with my shopify store. I was also thinking that if I learn it well enough I could turn this into a freelance skill too. But yeah, I desperately want to make the location independence lifestyle work. There are just so many things I want to experience and this will enable me to get that experience. For example, i'd love to work over a ski season in a cheap chalet and hit the slopes when I feel like it. I could just do a ski season and be a pot washer or something. But I think it would be a lot cooler to do with me making money on my laptop. Also the same with Bali, I want to move to Bali and work and surf all day! :D These are my dreams right now, and I gotta work hard to achieve them!
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