giblets

Day 12. I have started listening to Productivity podcast by Asian Efficiency. I think I have an addiction to podcasts, as every day it seems like I add an extra one to my queue but I can never get through them. I think my queue length averages anywhere from 24-70 hours depending on how busy my days are. Just added the Minimalists as recommended by AlexTheGrape. Anyway; one of the things they talked about today is that writing a daily journal helps you prioritise what is important in life and what you really value, reflecting on whether you felt accomplished with what progress you made towards them or otherwise. Well, something like that anyway, I was running at the time. So I am going to try and use that as the final piece of motivation to keep up with my daily entries, and hopefully shape my entries into something that mean a bit more and are a lot more positive. Last two days have been interesting. And by interesting I mean challenging. And by challenging I mean not that much fun. A lot of my time is spent lecturing at the moment so I don't have a great deal of time to progress my personal goals or the smaller jobs at work. As a result my study has suffered somewhat as I have put running above all else. I did get a response back from my lecturer saying I was on track with the draft of my theory essay which was a massive relief. Because I didn't have as much time to dedicate to studying as I would like, I felt maybe I didn't have a solid grasp of the concepts needed for the essay, but I am at least on the right track. Now have two weeks to go to mould it into something that would be worth 20% of my grade. It will be hard work, but it is keeping me distracted from games! Had a bit of a blowup with my boss at work. I think he is a spud. He obviously disagrees. So have agreed to disagree at the moment. Will definitely be interesting to watch how that develops. Couple of my friends sent me some links to games they are playing. Opened the links. Surprisingly, did not even care about them. I was a little surprised noting I am only 12 days into the detox. But I think this site is holding me accountable now, so I just thought, no you don't want to start that streak again, what would Cam say (haha). That being said, I have only read module 2 of Respawn, so I should be focusing on that instead. So time poor at the moment, but hey, with the exception of my boss, I feel somewhat happy and I am less inclined to be negative. Today I was grateful for: My students being patient during several bouts of anxiety hitting me really bad. They could of laughed or pulled me up for it but they seemed to just accept it and move onto the next subject. I might not get very good reviews out of this class but they are helping me get over this barrier in their own little way.The rain holding off until 5 minutes after I got home from my run! Good timing!My wife making me dinner. I haven't been much help around the house lately due to various reasons.Today I learned: Every has a great story, whether they think it is good or not. Each of these stories have little gems of how to do things differently or a mutual laugh.Goals completed today: Ran yesterday for 80 minutes, then today for 50. Today's was really hard as my legs were still like concrete, but it did feel a lot easier on the lungs. Hopefully that is a good sign.Goals for tomorrow: Make a start for my discussion paper submission. At least make a start man!Start a pushup routine, even if it is just one set a day.Prioritise my goals to use my limited time to focus on the ones that are important.Implement a Productivity tip from Asian Efficiency; first one being drink 2 glasses of water as soon as I wake up.Goals for this week: Finish Respawn worksheet #2.Finish my fundraising page.Do some handyman work around the house that the wife has been telling me about for weeks.

Argh really can't bring myself to do 2 decent daily posts in a row.

I have to wait until I am 80 to shit my pants? Seems like a long time to wait for an activity that makes you feel so liberal. I disagree that we feel less shame as we grow up though. Part of the reason people might be ashamed that they are still gaming is that they are growing up and they are getting older - and they think they should know better or be setting a better example for their friends/family.

Day 10. Here I am again. There is a few days gap since my last post for several reasons. The first and main reason I lost motivation to write on here is that I realised it's all depressing shit. Every time I get a bit bored or start to feel like a quick game wouldn't hurt, I come on here and read other people's journals hoping to find ideas of how they got through similar moments. Every time I do that, I get self conscious that my journal is just depressing and not worth reading. But I guess that's not really the point of it though when I think about it now, the point is it is an outlet, and an outlet is something I have been looking for a while. One of the other reasons is that I have been really tired. Once work is done and I have my son in bed I feel like I don't have any energy left lately. I am not sure if it is the lingering effects of a virus I had a few weeks ago or if it is a new one, but it has sapped my energy to do much beyond the bare minimum. Part of me wonders if that is because I have been training so much lately and going for longer and longer runs, another part wonders if it is because of the terrible weather we have been having lately, and part of me wonders if it is all in my head. I have started to feel more optimistic about work though in the last few days. It is not so much of a struggle to get going in the morning anymore. I am hoping that will keep up for at least a little while, because nobody wants to be locked into doing a job they don't enjoy for the majority of their day. I did manage to complete the worksheet #1 of Respawn, which was really good. When I wrote down why I was playing games and why I wanted to give them up, it was surprising to see how they relate so closely to some of the points Cam mentioned about why we play games. I also finally submitted a draft of my theory paper to my professor, so fingers crossed I am on the right direction with that, noting the date to withdraw has now passed. I do enjoy learning so much in this subject, it is just because it is so new to me I have to spend so much time reading to understand the concepts. Reading chunks of journals and papers is hard work when you're tired or unwell. This morning I woke up and wanted to be all productive - and a mate sent me a message about some DLC for a game I used to play. So many urges came flooding back so quickly, I was very surprised! I did the crazy thing of looking it up online, which would have been the first time I have looked at anything game related since I started the detox, and before long I felt myself thinking "just a quick game" or "it won't hurt anybody". Luckily I stopped myself short of clicking "play" on steam. I know I haven't got around to uninstalling everything yet, but I mitigated it by not turning on the machine at all. I can see why uninstalling everything is a good idea. I shut the machine down again, and here I am on gamequitters trying to re-center so I can get on with study. I have a good feeling about today and I don't want to ruin it. Today I was grateful for: My wife's patience for when it took me almost 4 hours to get moving in the morning. I really hope this was a combination of other things and not a virus.The gym nearby my house, where I can seamlessly head off to burn a bit of extra energy without being too much of an impost getting to and from in traffic.Today I learned: That I don't need to be productive *all* the time, like I keep pushing myself to. It's ok to relax a little bit, especially when it helps my wife or my son. I guess I am not used to this relax notion.Goals completed today: Theory essay draft submitted to the professor! Three weeks until it is due now, so can't ease up on my progress.First worksheet for Respawn finished and scanned into my phone. I'll keep it there to remind myself of why I am doing this.Goal for tomorrow: Increase the length of my runs again, this time up to 80 minutes.Start working on my discussion paper submission.To be positive!

Welcome back bud! Try not to beat yourself up too much about relapsing, but do focus on what you can learn from it. I remember someone telling me many years ago when I was under training that - "It doesn't matter about the mistakes you made, but how you recover from them."

What about a jigsaw puzzle? I've seen some of those more complex ones framed when completed, which would make a great conversational piece when people visit!

Day 6. I am really struggling right now. I am feeling quite depressed with my job and how it is going at the moment, and starting to think I have chosen the wrong time to try the 90 day detox, as I could really use an outlet right now. I have turned to running as my way to escape for the moment, even though some days are really hard to get me moving. The worse part about it all is I am allowing these things to effect me more than I should - or maybe they always effected me this way and my defense system was to play games rather than confront the issue and come up with a new strategy to overcome it. My family time and study is suffering as a result of how I have been going the last two days, I am really hoping tomorrow is an opportunity to relax and give myself a bit of a mental kick. I have set a personal deadline that if I haven't finished my study requirements by Friday then I will ask for a pause this semester. It is quite frankly the last thing I want to do so I am hoping I can channel that to at least get me back on track with my studies. Today I am grateful for: Some of my co-workers being so eager to help me out at work with recent struggles, makes me feel like I am not battling alone, and that my goal of being valued in the workplace is coming to fruition.Our healthcare system and how quickly I could get access to a doctor today. I know many other countries, or even areas within our country, that this is not possible.What I have learnt from today That I don't think it's possible to escape data mining - its reached such a massive scale now before the majority of society noticed.This is going to be as hard as I thought.Goal for tomorrow: Get the draft of my uni theory assignment submitted. Yesterday's goal that I have not progressed.Fill out the first worksheet for Respawn. Yet another goal I have not progressed.

Day 5. I think now this is officially the longest I have gone without gaming for years. I use a habit tracker on my phone for various things and "No Games" is one of the items I mark daily. The last time I went longer than 1 day of not gaming was prior to Dec 16. Looking at that statistic makes me realise how important it is to start this plan now. I am also surprised this current stint lasted over a weekend, which is usually my zone out time and where I enjoyed playing the more lengthy RPGs. I think with the exception of Friday when I got home from work though, I didn't have any urges to play anything. It may be a combination of how busy I am or that this system is really working. I am a bit disappointed in myself that I have not done the worksheets for module 1 of Respawn. I've been meaning to do it for about 4 days. I have at least printed them out now and they are on my desk when I get a break and/or the urge to complete it. I've read a few other people's journals and they have some really good formats that involve goals, ways to challenge yourself to step outside of comfort zones, and what they are grateful for. Schwing's is a great example. I think it would be an effective way to keep me grounded and break the bigger picture or goal into smaller baby steps that appear more achievable in the short term. I'll have to ponder some goals but I can cover off on some other areas. Today I am grateful for: Being able to come home from work to my son. His smile seems to melt away the bullcrap of work.My health to enable me to keep my marathon training today, as the last few weeks I have been battling viruses and flus.What I have learnt from today That very few, if any, people I work with can actually be considered friends. It's all a facade. They're colleagues at best.Don't trust the content of a report unless you wrote it yourself!Goal for tomorrow: To not let work, and specifically the lack of personnel I have in my team, effect me so much emotionally. It does no good.Get the draft of my uni theory assignment submitted.

Welcome Orior! Thanks for opening up, you have a very moving story. You've come to the right place!

And if you watch his TED interviews, he's not flawless either. Seems quite anxious but still puts himself out there, you have to respect that in a person no matter if you agree or disagree with his principles.

I really like your journal layout Schwing, very smart way to break down the end game into a lot of daily goals and plans. Do you mind if I copy it for my journal?

Thanks for your post! I'm curious, you mentioned that you used meditation to ignore your cravings - can you share some advice on that?

Day 4. I need to work on making the daily journal a regular habit, as I haven't written anything lately. Though I am happy to say still no gaming. I guess the reason why I didn't write on Friday (day 2) was when I got home from work, my usual routine was to play some games to unwind or de-stress from what is usually a crappy week. I had the urges when I got home, as usual, but tried to think of something else to do. So I ended up going for a run instead for an hour for about 9km. That's the longest I have run for quite some time so I was exhausted and didn't have the energy to write after that. One thought/concern I keep having is strategies for fighting the spontaneous urges during the day to start gaming. I need to read more of Respawn maybe, or watch some of Cam's youtube videos. I haven't got around to either of those yet so I am a bit anxious about what control measures I will need to put in place, either mentally or otherwise. This afternoon will be tough, as it is another common time for me to be playing games on a lazy Sunday afternoon. I am going to try and focus on study instead. If I can make it to Tuesday it will be the longest I have gone without playing something for probably years. My excitement of getting on the program has tapered off somewhat which is a bit scary, that's usually when I fall off the bandwagon. I am telling myself that the difference this time is that gamequitters will hold me accountable So I don't have an option! I will find some time this afternoon if the urges come back to get reading Respawn for some tips.

Day 1. Time to start making an improvement. Cam is right - this is going to be emotional! It's only been a few hours and I'm a bit shaky. I have been suffering anxiety for over 12 months. I can't even remember the first time I saw a therapist and was diagnosed. I went to one initially because I thought I had PTSD, but it turns out it was stress-anxiety. It was such a relief to know what it was and start developing a plan to fix it. The date was 2015, so maybe 18 months ago. Anyway I have been using games as a way to escape my anxiety. Nobody online can see me struggle for words, or sweat over the smallest decisions. They just see a character pausing and think you're afk. But it's not solving it. Sure the anxiety isn't there while I am in the game, but eventually I have to go back and be a functioning member of society. So I am anxious that I am taking my crutch away and putting myself out there on this site to try and hold myself accountable. Sweating again thinking about it. But I am excited at the same time - there is so many more productive things I want to get involved with, and this is holding me back. Getting back to studying is one. Well, the main one. No more having a "5 minute" break from reading, only to play for an hour and forget about study all together, then barely scrape through with a pass mark. I want to excel. I want to be a role model, or at least, someone who is reliable and won't think of excuses not to go out with mates so I can sit at home and play games. My other attempts at cold turkey usually on average last 48-60 hours. I think I try at least once a month, if not once every two weeks. This time is going to work, surely. Here goes!

I know that feeling mate, I played WoW after a mate introduced it to me when I was at university and it was in vanilla. Being a druid and a rare class back then, I was in high demand and I felt wanted. It's a downward spiral that you can't break yourself out of! When I travelling throughout USA and Europe with family and discovered all I cared about was googling internet cafes and walking malls to try and find some, I knew I had to quit! To me the real addictive part was the social element. Trying to replace that IRL without the instantaneous response/at your fingertips is hard!

Good Evening, I am excited and anxious to be trialling out the Respawn program to finally kick video games for good. I don't think they are evil, I just don't like the dependency I have on them now; the 'crutch'. I have been playing games for 20 odd years, but in the last 5 years I think they really have started to have an impact. I mainly turned to them after moving around several times and not having a friends circle, or after several relationship breakdowns. Once I managed to get my life on track, I never eased up on gaming, always trying to hide it like my dirty little secret. In the last 12 months I have developed stress-anxiety, and my solution has been to turn to games again. I don't think it is helped the anxiety at all. Maybe in the short term while I am playing the game and escaping the real world, but as soon as the game finishes it's back to the old problems. I also don't really have an outlet anymore, many people feel like social media is their outlet, but I am so paranoid about being data mined and the archiving of everything you do that I do not feel encouraged to do it at all. I have joined the Respawn program as a way to hold myself accountable, and maybe these forums will be a good outlet for me. Day 1 here we go! I look forward to interacting with the community as soon as I can