Zala

Just a little bit more

Hello Manun, nice to meet you :). How is the journey going? I hope you are well on your way to two months. Looking forward to hearing from you

Wow the thing with your mother is intense ... Sorry for the random comment.

It's me again. It's been almost a month. I hope business&everything else is going ok *wave*

Me again, still thinking of how you are doing with all of these lemons life has given you. What a stupid thing to say, I know. But I do hope you are ok..

Loved reading your last post. I hope you are doing ok now as well. So close right!!

Hello all. If I'm counting correctly I'm on day 78/90. So less than two weeks left. I apologize for the bad grammar that's all I can do for now. @WorkInProgress Thanks for the kind words and an ass kicking. I guess that's the challenge a lot of the times. I sometimes plan on doing something, but then I just sit around not doing the thing. And I think to myself: "Why am I not doing the thing I should be doing?" It's so simple, I don't feel like doing it. But I should just do it. It's one way or the other really. Does that make sense? In a way not doing something all day takes up more energy and time. Maybe I should work on observing myself or how should I put it. Being more present, really looking at what I'm doing. @Vlad I seriously hope that something good can come of it. I guess I'm not on top of the hill yet, the view is still shitty atm. I went as low as I can go, sending CVs. And it's not going well. The irony is, if I were cleaning offices instead of going to high school and college, I would be able to get a job here. Which makes sense. If you have two 30 year old women: one has experience in cleaning, the other doesn't, I would take the second one. Because chances are she knows what she's getting herself into and is able to do a job better. It makes sense. Plus someone without college, high school degree might actually stay at a cleaning job longer and be more motivated. I'm not saying that's true for all, I personally feel very motivated. But in a way it seems like a reasonable thinking. Anyway ... back to the 90 days. It doesn't feel like an achievement coming so far. Probably because after I got fired I went full force back to binge movie/yt watching. And I feel like it's really affecting me. Yesterday I forced myself to stay away from the computer and I got really nervous, weepy and depressed. I gave up at about three o'clock in the afternoon and just went back to sitting in front of the screen. I used to be able to read books for hours and hours. Not feeling bored, sleepy, nervous. Now I don't have the patience. Even watching yt makes me nervous, so I jump from video to video. Or I watch random cute, funny pics at the same time in the other window. Even when I'm having a phone conversation with someone I tend to browse through pics and I actually got cought a couple of times not following the conversation. It was quite embarrassing but it didn't stop me from doing it again. I kind of understand that, as Cam said more than once, the real world is not as entertaining. You can't switch of, exchange, you don't get to go back and forward, you don't get the same boost ... I feel like I need to go through a major system reboot by staying away from moving pictures. But I can already tell it's going to be hard as hell. I know I can expect being tired, depressed, angry, whiny ... I tried painting the other day. Not for me. I mean I like the fact that I can concentrate on one thing, but I had yt on the background the whole time. So not really what I was planning to do. Plus I don't need another hobby at the moment. I need a life goal, a true obsession, not a 3 times per week kind of a thing. Or a bunch of them. And I doubt I will discover after 30 years that I'm good at working with my hands. Handcraft was never my thing. I guess tomorrow is as good of a day as any to start the change. 3.11 is a stupid day to remember, but anyway. Here we go. I hope in 12 days I will be able to get a head start on screen time as well.

Day 53/90 Got fired. Even though I did my best. Reason: to quiet and to stressed out/nervous all the time. First time in my life I did something to the best of my abilities and it wasn't enough. First time I got fired as well. Trying to see sense in all of this and pick up the pieces. I also quit my German classes to focus on a job so I can't really reunite with my old group of classmates. Shitty times all around. I'm an anxious person to begin with. Not really sure if this is a common occurrence in this country. Where I come from you don't get fired during trial period unless you are late every day, drunk, totally lazy, or don't want to listen to anybody. I did and was none of that. Anyway I'm afraid of being able to find another job, if anything it will be even more difficult now. And keeping it with me being scared and paranoid already ... Got this incredible urge to play. I've been dreaming about gaming for the last 3 days and I must say I wake up and I feel I really need to do this. Game for just an hour or so.

Hey Vlad, glad to hear you are doing ok. As far as this marriage deal goes ... In my opinion you are going too fast. I mean do you have a wife in mind already? Just start to date and give yourself enough time. Don't start a family for the sake of having family. Do it step by step. Find a person you can live with, spend time with on a daily basis. There really is no hurry. 28 old guy ... you have time.

Day 39/90 getting close to my danger zone. I tend to relapse around day 40. Today I was already thinking: I got my life sorted out to some extent. How about an hour or two of gaming ... I miss several people from this forum. A bunch of diaries I've been following are on pause. Relapse or just life?

I miss you Bob. I hope you are doing ok

Hey Vlad, how are you doing? Busy busy ... I guess your business site really took over everything

Great to see you are doing ok. Maybe you should make a break with fb as well, or at least with pogo groups

Hey Moe, great diary&introduction. I just got to know you and you are already done with 90 days . Just saying hello ... for now

Hey Pete, how are you doing? Are you ok? Were you under stress because of the hurricane and this is the reason why gaming has crept back in? Your logic worries me a bit. I was on a similar path and then I went from "relaxing" couple of hours or an hour of gaming to 8-10 hours per day in a couple of weeks. Are you still continuing with the detox? I think the idea is, that you can try this, just to see if you can stop playing games for 90 days. Then you can go back, because you will be able to decide, your brain won't decide for you, if you know what I mean. I think Cam said that there is nothing wrong with gaming. But sometimes you (or some people) can't handle playing just "casually" and you slip right back to the obsessive/addictive behavior. I hope you are ok in any case!!

23-27/90 I had a very vivid dream about playing PoGo. I remember dreaming about catching a mon and being surprised, because I was sure, I've uninstalled PoGo. But you know in dream logic ... anything goes. And then I was writing an apology journal on game quitters. The mushroom head was definitely there. So I guess this forum is becoming a part of my subconscious. When I woke up I had to think really hard. Did I really play ... no ... ok, so I don't to have to write a sad report on GQ I'm thankful for having a job with a lovely shift boss, a great family and a wonderful hubby, who is very patient with me. So many marvelous people in my life at the moment. Ps I sometime get a bit triggered, when I'm reading other people's journal entries and they write about playing a certain game or liking a certain game. So from now one, I will just write gaming and won't go too much into it. It's not a gaming site, so it doesn't even matter what my specific cravings are.

I'm not "liking" your situation. Just sending you a couple of likes to give you a boost. This is just a terrible situation. And you&your family handled it really good. You were quick. I can't imagine moving out in such a short time. And yes, I can't believe, you had to do that!! Don't you have any rights? Do you have enough room where you are staying at he moment? Is it a house? Close to where you work? I hope you get this resolved in some way or the other, it's hard to stay with relatives ...Sometimes it helps, if you can talk/write about your problems. Even if it's just a couple of sentences ... On a positive note: how was the party?

I was never into cards but my brother used to collect Pokemon and Yu-gi-oh cards as a kid. And it was nice seeing him get all excited I hope your friends and "friends" are not still bothering you about playing PoGo...

I would say I'm very immature for my age. But hell ... at least I will die young(er) right? I hope you are doing ok. Maybe you just have a lot to do ...

20, 21, 22/90 Time flies when you have a new job with a chaotic working time and a language course 4 days per week. Tomorrow I have a day off. As far as my job goes I'm not as quick as I would like to be. My head is full of new words, procedures, acronyms. I wish I could remember things faster since I hate making mistakes and I hate that feeling when you need to do something and you can't remember the procedure. I would love to be proud of my work and I would like to do it well! But yes even though I am a bit stressed out I'm not thinking about gaming. But I need a change in tempo. I'll probably take a break from my language course for a month, or till the end of my probation period perhaps. Our language group is falling apart a bit anyway. Today I'm just thankful for my body. Being able to lift even heavier weights, my legs not complaining even after 8+ hours on feet and all of my 20 fingers&toes. I like every one of them. Yes even the smallest ones

Just with alcohol, I hope. Not with games

This actually kept me awake last night for a while. Exchange your 24 with mine 32. I guess we are a bit childlike, and we have a world of interests to choose from. I don't find it liberating, just strange and unromantic. Heh, I hope you will figure it out, because I'm not getting anywhere fast

18 & 19 / 90 Spent my days between wanting to reinstall PoGo and resisting it. Did nothing important. I really think drawing more on consistent basis would do me good. But I'm afraid of failing. In my head I'm capable of drawing a decent sketch. On a level of a regular 15 year old . I've been tossing a couple of ideas around but we will see. I guess internet can be a good thing. None of the people I know will see my drawings. I think I should draw a couple of sketches and post them on deviant art or even go hard core to concept art sketches. And then we will see. I think I wouldn't be able to trust anyone who would say anything nice about my drawing. Except "I can see you've put some time&energy into it. You need a lot of work." Or something like that. I always prefer realism to false praise. Problem is, as a novice you need to work on so many things it's not easy to choose where to even begin/start improving. We will see. At least I'm still not gaming. Although internet/yt time is slowly creeping in and eating of my free time.

Just one more day! I hope you have plans for the next step!! I can't imagine your journaling will end!!

Keep drawing, we have our eyes on you .