Tom

Day 96. Home. It's nice to be here again. Tomorrow is back to normal. I'm grateful for my vacation and also happy to start my "normal life" again. Today was all travel. I had an excellent chance to keep reading The Shallows: What The internet Is Doing to Our Brains and This Will Make You Smarter. Oh yes, and during my holidays I finished Radical Acceptance: Embracing Your Life With the Heart of a Buddha too. One thing I should have done differently today? Cheerfulness. I felt a bit sulky. I won't beat myself up too much about it but I'll certainly pay more attention. I've grown convinced that I am a happy person and I just forget it from time to time So what will I do? First things first: we go back to our regular sleep, diet and exercise routine. I'll also resume doing alignment checks to be more mindful of what I'm doing and why. Gratitude journal: Using my own workspaces again.Exchanging numbers with an acquaintance on the train. Maybe we can become friends with yet another family with children.Having a fulfilling life.

Days 94, 95. The last days before leaving the town where I grew up and going back home. The day after our subdued new year's eve we went out with friends and my brother. We partied until morning. It was great to catch up with one of my closest friends. The next day we mostly recuperated. Then we went for dinner with some relatives. Back home we prepared for next day's departure, I fooled around with my brothers's electric cello and played some easy duets with him on the cello and me on the piano. The habits I regularly kept up with during the past two weeks were daily cold showers, frequent evening meditation, daily exercise on the piano. I'm happy with it. I spent all the remaining time with relatives and friends. There was one thing that truly bothered me though. A sensitive topic was brought up time and time again. Once I decided to open up and talk about it with a select group of people including my brother. It was about the hardest, most painful period of my life when i spent three months on my own in another country. Not even my wife knew much about it save for a few details. The very next day my brother mocked me for getting emotional. Straight to my face and in front of other people. I mean, what the hell! My wife was astounded. I was just disappointed. No surprise I'm so secretive about my life. On the flip side, I'm happy I opened up with my wife and closest friends. So, all in all this vacation was a positive experience. I kept a healthy attitude, got to spend time with people that matter to me, and learned a thing or two. Gratitude journal: 1. Jerks. Propelling me to enlightenment since more than thirty years. 2. Loved ones. They make it all worth. 3. Going back home. Time to get some space.

Welcome back Thomas. Happy new year and congratulation on your 10k! You seem to have learned a lot from your relapse. Take it as a positive experience. Be grateful for it. If you haven't read The Power of Habit I'd highly recommend it.

Days 91, 92, 93. The time around the new year has been great. My wife and younger son are feeling better so we took some walks and made some visits. For caution's sake we cancelled or plans for new year's eve, bought a board game and invited my brothers and her girlfriend over. Today we went for a walk in the countryside with the children. Then we left them with my parents and followed up on our original plan: trying out an escape room and an Asian fusion buffet, still with my brother and his girlfriend. This was the best day of our vacation yet. Gratitude journal: 1. My relatives. It's nice that I get along with all of them and am friends with some of them. 2. International couples. The best way to tear down obsolete mental borders. 3. People nice enough to drive me around.

Alex, thank you! You've been and still are a great help. For example you just made me realize one thing: I want to be a good role model for this community. Striving to help and inspire has been the key to success. Were I doing this only for myself I might have failed. So props to you for making me strong!

Interesting approach! I'm happy to read you are so deliberate with your goals. Here's to a fantastic 2016!

On recognizing the 90 days: it's definitely an important milestone rather than a "crossing the finish line" type of thing. I believe it's worth recognizing it and celebrating it although I'm not yet sure how. I'm holding off writing my 90 day post for the record book until I have a dull moment. I'll take my time to evaluate my journey and hopefully come up with some ideas.

100%. Also watch out for the juicing fad. I watched the documentary too and I'm quite concerned with the dangerous behavior it promotes. Real food in a varied diet gives you all the micronutrients you need. With juicing you discard all the dietary fiber. What's left is water, some micronutrients, and a truckload of sugar. Fiber is necessary to slow down sugar absorption to a natural level. Sugar spikes are bad for you and can lead to diabetes. Mr. Cross dropped unhealthy food and started exercising. That's why he got healthier. Then he made millions with this infomercial of his and sure got happier too ;-) That said, we occasionally make juice at home and it's delicious! TL;DR: Eat real food, not too much, mostly plants. That's what every nutrition expert agrees on.

Sound good! Just remember to schedule rest for your brain too. Burnout is sneaky and nothing to joke about.

Day 90. My 90 day no gaming challenge gets its last red cross today. Or it would, were I at home. While the ritual will have to wait one more week, the celebration is no less real. I am not a gamer. It's strange to define myself as something I'm not but today it will do. Gratitude journal: Game Quitters. My fellow travelers, thank you for your support and kindness!My family. The motivation behind all my major efforts.Computer games. I learned more from this weakness than from all my strengths.

Day 89. Wow, I had a gaming dream tonight. I was playing some kind of melee FPS. Sub-par graphics and so-so gameplay. The dream didn't leave much of an impression. Today I did some more tape hunting. I found a bootleg of a concert I played with my rock band and some recordings of songs I wrote almost twenty years ago. Maybe one day I'll honor them with some proper studio work. Since everybody is still sick I'm confined to my parents's place. I'd hate to go out and come back with a new strain of flu, making my children even more miserable and jeopardizing our return flight. I am feeling quite alright so I can make myself useful and just enjoy conversations. I was very upset after talking with my brother over Skype. He too is down with the flu and he's staying at his own place. He invited my wife and me to go and visit him. We refused and explained that we don't want to endanger our children. He took it personally. He accused us of using the children as an excuse and that we don't want to spend time with him. That was hurtful. I didn't even get defensive, just sad. I'm done fighting windmills. I'm tired of talking to deaf ears. I'm through trying to help who doesn't want to be helped. This vacation is making me painfully aware of how I used gaming to get away from being emotionally hurt from those I love the most. Sometimes I wonder how I can be such a misfit in my own hometown. It really is a cultural clash. And I'm not alone in this: many of my friends emigrated and have no intention of coming back. Gratitude journal: Writing this journal is cathartic.I don't give a shit about gaming anymore.I am a happy person living a happy life. It takes more than a few bumps in the road to throw me off-balance.

Curious to see how it works out for you. This might be a good time to evaluate your other choices beside gaming: are you still satisfied with your other activities? Do you feel like you're going where you want to go with your life? Are you chasing your own dreams rather than trying to please other people? Just my two cents.

Day 88. Today I was a bit moody. It takes a continuous and conscious effort to react differently to old triggers. Going back to the place where I lived for twenty years of my life, memories abound and old habits can reemerge. Since I'm not happy about either, while I'm pleased with the direction my life has taken since I left, I'm dedicating much energy towards accepting and forgiving my old self and strengthening my confidence into who I have become and the road I've taken. I'm also doing my best to be less judgmental of my family of origin. My brother-in-law and my father had a shouting contest in front of the children. I was there too, silent. The kids were scared and came to me for comfort. Thank goodness they trust me and seek me when they want to feel protected. I didn't go anywhere because everybody is ill. I played with the children, talked at length with my wife and parents, played piano for hours, read a bit, helped my mother with her PC and cleaned a freezer. Gratitude journal: The Buddhist Loving-kindness meditation is becoming a new key habit.I'm teaching anger and fear management to my children. They will be better equipped than I've ever been.www.free-scores.com

Days 85, 86, 87. The past few days I've been busy visiting family and helping tidy up my parents's place. I'm keeping a positive attitude and reflecting quite a lot on my past life here and my present and future lives more than a thousand kilometers away. Sometimes I feel like I should want to return and be nex to my family and friends. Guilt sets in and quickly subsides: the reasons why we emigrated still stand, if anything they grow stronger as time goes on. There's no point in beating myself up for making the right choice. Gratitude journal: I looked all day for a tape that was misplaced and I found it. After 19 years and thanks to Shazam I can finally identify every song.My nephew is better and will soon leave the hospital.I managed to get some quiet time today.

Day 84. Another slow morning. My wife is all better which is great! Unfortunately my newborn nephew had to be hospitalized. Nothing serious, although she and my sister will spend Christmas at the hospital. For lunch we went to a complex for the elderly where a friend just relocated after losing her eyesight. It's a nice structure with shared facilities and a studio flat for each tenant. She's very happy to live there as she can socialize and feel safe. It was amazing to have all the other grandpas and grandmas, perfect strangers, lighten up when seeing my children, talking to them and playing with them. A lady even asked if she could invite us to her place and have some cigarettes! Well, she did correct herself right away: candy, I mean candy! While our friend is doing well, I met another old friend who is not that great. I was delighted to see him and also saddened by realizing that his spark is almost gone. We are quite similar in character and greatly enjoyed each other's company and wit, especially in the three years before I emigrated. Such is life. In the evening my wife and I went out for dinner with a friend and met her boyfriend for the first time. No surprise: he's quite a character and we clicked together fine. We had an awesome night out. Gratitude journal: We had fun decorating my parent's home for Christmas.A new local craft beer that tastes great.Being friends with people of all ages.

Day 83. An easy morning and then a half-day trip with my father, brother, and children. My wife isn't feeling well so she stayed at home to rest. In the evening I started fixing my father's PC, played with my kids and nephew, and later helped my mum sort out a mountain of papers. I also played the piano in the morning and in the evening. Gratitude journal: The beautiful lanscapes of my childhood and early youth.Having let go of the desire to change those around me, accepting them and loving them as they are.An old, forgotten backup of just before I left my parents's home. What a dive in the past.

Hey Django, thanks for reading my journal! I tend to be quite deliberate with what I do at all times. I usually a project or cause and funnel my time and energy there. They are either individual projects to improve personally or professionally, or helping others. On the entertainment side, I love reading and listening to audiobooks, both fiction and non fiction. Music is another passion of mine. I listen to and play a wide variety of genres. I catch the occasional TV show with my wife as something we can do together.

Day 82. A slow morning after yesterday's night out. The children are happy playing around the house, enjoying all the attention and waiting for the next surprise. In the afternoon we went to the Christmas party of our volunteer association. My wife and I volunteered and worked there for years. It was touching to see again the people we care so much about. Even more touching was seeing the name plaque on the main hall. A friend one year my senior who recently died after a long fight with cancer. I met some new faces. Listened to new stories. It was humbling. Gratitude journal : There is goodness in the world. More than we usually realize. I'm in a privileged position to be of help to others.. Chasing meaning over entertainment.

Day 81. Flying around lunch is perfect. We had time for a good breakfast and no rush getting to the airport. A smooth flight. And then bam, my former country, my native language, my parents. Home? Not anymore. But close. I made the conscious choice tu be open and affectionate towards my family and friends. To be conscious in all interactions and never react according to old behaviors. To be compassionate and sincerely wish for other people's happiness. We settled at my parents's place. Went all to my sister's place for dinner where we met the newest addition to the family. Then I asked my father out, something I wouldn't normally do. We waited for my brother and went to visit my cousin at his newly opened bar. It was a good day. Gratitude journal : Meeting a friend at the airport and giving him a ride home. My cousin quitting his job and following his dream paid off. He is happier and healthier. I am genuinely happy to see my family.

Day 80. Done with all preparations. Tomorrow we fly to my parents for a couple of weeks. The children are happy and excited. My wife can't wait. I'm happy too. It will be good to see everybody after almost a year, and this time for a cheerful occasion. I am looking forward to spending my holidays truly connecting with people. Gratitude journal: We exchanged simple gifts with our neighbors.My sister and her family called us to wish us safe travels and tell us how much they are waiting for us.I had a power nap right before lunch. That got me out of a bout of bad mood.

Happy birthday!

Day 79. The little guy put up a real show tonight. Today he explained to me that he is afraid. He couldn't say afraid of what, maybe he doesn't know himself. However, this is good news: now we know what's going on! We can comfort him, and fear can be overcome. Last day of work before my vacation. Miracolously I managed to close the day with the feeling that I have done everything. Now I can really disconnect and recharge. I took some good breaks: walking with the little one, coffee with my wife, playing piano, lifting weights. Then my wife went out with a friend so the boys and I played and told stories until they fell asleep. Today was a good day. Gratitude journal: I was always in a good mood.My wife came home with two delicious muffins.Epsom salt baths.

Thanks for the suggestion! Nuts actually sound way more natural than supplements. They probably have other good nutrients packed in them as well. Do you have any suggestions for the sort of nuts? Seeds: sesame, pumpkin, sunflower, flax. Nuts: Brazil, almonds, cashew, pine. But really any seed or nut will contain quite a lot of micronutrients. Pick your favorites or mix them, follow your taste buds

That sounds like a great meetup in a great spot! I didn't read those books. Tomorrow I'm going on vacation too and I was looking for something to read after Radical Acceptance. They sound like a good pick. By the way, how did you like Radical Acceptance? A few days ago you mentioned you gave yourself permission to not finish a book. Was it that one? Have a great time on your vacation!

Hey Alkan, I just caught up with your journal. It's great to read how focused you are. Also +1 to waking up early and unguided meditation. Keep going!