So I actually did manage to stave off gaming for about 2 months around 1 year ago but then fell back into it for the past ~10 months. Looking to hit 90 days, and I'll journal my thoughts and chat with you on your own journals as well.

Thanks for reading, see you tomorrow 👍

My name is Martin (Ikarases on the net) and I am 21. My backstory is that approximately from the age of 12, I spend most of my free time either playing games or browsing the Internet. I've even tried full-time streaming professionally recently, however I realized my gaming taste just doesn't drag enough attention, even though I still sometimes stream nowadays a few hours a day. I'd attribute my desire to stream to a lack of social connection IRL, at least back then when I started out streaming roughly three years ago.

Not until several months ago, I started uninstalling some games just to fall into the clutches of another one. In the years before, I felt burnt-out on games, but the recurrent theme always was "What the hell am I gonna do anyway?" I also started alternating playing myself with watching Twitch and even streaming myself occasionally, which helped with diversification, but didn't really solve the core issue. What I did with Twitch recently as well was to setup LeechBlock on morning hours to spare myself some time on other things like school, reading and other priorities I have in life. However both uninstalling games and LeechBlock are only in effect as long as you want them to be in effect. Reason I am writing this is that I feel gaming/watching streams suppresses my passions and impedes work on other projects and that they are my number 1 go-to activity when idle.

Main recent impulse I am here is my very first (and former?) girlfriend told me she needs to take a break from our relationship about a month ago (not on the "I hate you for LIFE." side of things though). After even struggling to acknowledge her current standpoint for a few weeks, I shifted my focus inwards; I started watching TED talks, got a new bike, deactivated my FB and started reading more. I think I'm a nice guy, but that only goes so far if about 12/16 hours of my waking time is spent behind a computer screen. I even started writing a diary on my own, mapping my thoughts and feelings every now and then, as I feel there's some "unfinished business" between the two of us and I plan to show her my diary and the posts on this forum too. Spending time with her was better than spending time gaming or watching streams!

I'm past the point where I'd HAVE TO spend my whole day behind computer, however I do it regardless for lack of motivation to do other things. I know my other hobbies are geography, English teaching, modern history, I even considered making models of WWII tanks among other things. I know I have several papers due to hand at the university, where I study geography, but mostly I just procrastinate that until there's just a few days left.

Creating a commitment on the Internet to cut down my Internet time seems paradoxical, but I'll give it a go regardless. I'll say this is my 1/90, because even though I watched a bit of streams today, I didn't game myself. I think it's about time to change my habit and take my life back.

Thanks for reading this and all the support is very appreciated! I consider this to be my day 1 entry.

MY GOALS:

1. No gaming/Twitch for 90 days

2. Beginning 1st June, consciously spend less time on PC to avoid falling into other digital traps (YT, series-binging etc.) These are likely the easiest ones to fall into for me because of the proximity.

Technically this is not Day 1, as I actually blocked YouTube completely about 14 days ago. But it is my first journal entry and the start of my determination to be active about filling the void. So I will mark today as the beginning.

I have been a member of Game Quitters for a while, but have been silent for quite some time. I was originally here because I thought I was becoming addicted to video games. However, that turned out not to be the case. The real culprit is YouTube and any other form of passive entertainment like it. Games, while a form of entertainment, require active attention. This can becoming tiring and I will stop. The true danger is something like YouTube where I can sit on the couch and watch hours and hours of content. No action is required of me. Don’t get me wrong. I actually work out and lift weights, so it isn’t that I’m afraid of movement. But at the end of a workday, after exercise and dinner, the easiest thing for me to do is plop onto the couch and spend the rest of the evening, often into the morning, watching content. 
 

I would regularly fall asleep in the basement, leaving my wife alone in bed. I never really watched anything educational. It was all purely entertainment to distract me from tomorrow. Inside, I think I felt that if I never had to sleep, tomorrow wouldn’t come. These periods were longest when I was stressed.

I’ve been watching YouTube at night for many years, probably close to 8. I didn’t spend every night like that, but it started becoming a real problem during a stressful job about 5 years ago. I was a functional addict. I could stay up late and still go to work. But it’s not my best self. I lost the patience for all kinds of hobbies, though somehow made room for a few big ones like working on my car. 
 

I tried “quitting” YouTube many times, but I always had a time limit of 30 minutes I could watch a day, and then when the block was up, I’d go right back. Or, during a long block, I’d substitute it with Netflix, etc. 

This time is different. I have instilled the hardest blocks possible. There is an indefinite block on each of my devices. Only my wife has the passwords to unlock them. My PC uses Cold Turkey, which has been amazing - and she has that passcode too. I cannot watch YouTube, even if I could think of no other thing. 
 

What I’m noticing so far: 

I’m not doing too bad so far. The 14 days have been good and I’ve been intentional about how I spend the time. I’ve been reading again and reigniting order hobbies.

However, I ran into the danger of Netflix, which a couple of the past nights I watched for longer than I’d like to have (but not as much as YouTube). I am going to need to add it to the Cold Turkey.

Today I weight lifted, walked the dog, and listened to our growing record collection. It was a good day. 
 

I don’t know the format yet for this journal. I just know I’m here. Im going to try to do it every day.

Time I woke up: 12:20PM

Time I went to sleep yesterday:  3:00AM

Physical task: 
- Rested

Mental task: 
- Focus recharging battery

Projects: 
- Read DMT handbook

Miscellaneous accomplishments: 

~ Started Nofap Journey for 2 month 18 days, currently relationship with my girlfriend, its not like hard strict nofap like no ejaculation. Just have not watched porn for two months now.

~ Started taking ADHD medication for 18 days, Wellbutin XL + Atomoxetine. It does help with craving for porn. But it did not help for gaming.

Summary of Day 1:
I spend so many hours in the weekdn playing party animals (only the game I play).
I need to stop playing this competitve game. Not only it's the same pattern and I see it everyday.
It's start to draining too much energy and the dopamine spike isn't healthy for my body.
My goal is to get my body fat 15% (currently 19%), I need to regularate more healthy life style.

What I am grateful for today:

~  I am grateful that I am writing this journal to start this journal, I want remind myself this is not just journal but actually first step to quit gaming seriously.

Over and out! 

Previously, I've quitted countless times. I would get incredibly mad at myself, delete all of my games and social media accounts only to crawl back into gaming within a week Each relapse would be slightly better than the last- the amount of time I spent playing decreased over the years- but addiction would still win over me. I stumbled upon this site just a few hours ago, but reading all the stories here is so inspirational! I really hope that this time there will be no relapse- I plan on playing games from now on only if that is a way to connect with people whom I can not see physically. Time to break the loop of relapsing yeeeeeee!

Here's my priority list for today(I'm keeping it general on purpose):

• Finish up the 1st three parts of my last Final
• Submit paperwork for my campus job
• Practice for the performance tomorrow
• Make a list of things to do for Winter Break
• Clean up my room
• Do other various paperwork for volunteering, other jobs, financial aid, and classes.
• Talk to my grandparents 🙂
• Draw on my own.
• Pick a new book to read.

Hehe I'm so excited to press the "post" button, I have so much faith in this! See you later, and thank you so much for the read!

Cheers,

Pochatok

Today starts day one of no gaming. My introduction can be found here:

I've started the morning off well - I woke up early, got a quick workout in, and now I'm starting this journal. My gaming PC and Switch are tucked away inside a cabinet in the basement. Last night after I wrote my introduction, I also wrote a letter to myself and placed it on top of my gaming PC. I'm hoping that the letter will help prevent me from relapsing.

I don't have any urges to game right now, but all it takes is one stressful day at work and I know I'll be itching to install games on my iPad.

If anyone reading this and looking for a fiction book recommendation, I read the His Dark Materials trilogy earlier this year. The first book is called The Golden Compass. I highly recommend the series! The author is currently writing the final book of a follow-up trilogy. I'm thinking about picking up the first two books in the new trilogy this week, as recently I've been trying to read some fairly dry non-fiction, and I don't consider that to be relaxing.

Thanks for reading. I wish everyone the best of luck.

In order to keep things in line I've  decided to post from time to time my thoughts and struggles regarding quitting gaming.

A quick introduction to my addiction is here

First day of not playing: 17/09/2021

Yesterday night I have deleted all the games I had on Origin and Steam account. My main addiction is playing Battlefield 3 multiplayer.

Also I have requested in EA to delete permanently my account on Origin.

I am meditating since 2 month - I will be going to continue this activity.

I am focus now on passing a certificate which allows me to be perhaps promoted sooner, or to find a better job in future.

I'm here to write about my thoughts, struggles, achievements, and any major things.  I don't think this will be a daily updated piece, but I do think I'll take the time to investigate my thoughts when events happen.  I'll be titling the entries by thoughts so if you have a specific thing you're struggling with then maybe I wrote about it.

My story is located here: My Gaming Addiction Story

Starting today, I’ll be logging my daily progress in this journal. Today marks my 2nd full day of being game-free. Over the past 2 days, I’ve dived headfirst into my new hobby of drawing, and it’s a whole new world. There’s so much to learn and it’s honestly pretty overwhelming, but I’m just taking it a day at a time as I attempt to figure out my next steps. I’ve taken a drawing course on Skillshare and I’m debating whether I want to invest in more courses or just plunge into the drawing itself. I’m also already looking into drawing tablets (admittedly it is a bit early for all that and I am low on funds, but I digress), with the iPad Air looking like a good fit. I’m looking forward to seeing that constant measurable growth over time the longer I stick with it (which I hope I will!).

In other news, I’m getting back into my spiritual pursuits. Spirituality is something I’ve taken great interest in over the past few months, with Buddhism and Taoism being of particular interest to me. I’ve started reading the Upanishads, which are Hindu texts famous for their spiritual wisdom and guidance. I plan to go through these as well as the Bhagavad Gita and the Dhammapada over the next few weeks. I also decided to take a break from social media to focus on spiritual growth. All in all, I’m excited for what lies ahead and I’m proud of myself for being able to get into the swing of things so quickly. I’ll be back tomorrow with updates.

My goal right now is to go for 90 days straight without gaming, and then after that, I might still track them, but not as a streak.

Today:

Day 4 without video games.

Day 2 of spending 30 minutes or more outside.

Today isn't day 1 for these but day 1 for journaling them!

Other notes:

I am studying for my college math final today. It's been hard but not stressful. Thanks to uninstalling Steam I've been able to focus on it better!

During these 3 months I've done pretty good. I've made quite a few programming projects, including web application and a 2D video game (I don't count my own game made from scratch as gaming, I've never actually played it after development). I also read quite a bit and a started going outside every day. My most recent activity is learning math. So I'd say I'm doing pretty okay. But it's definitely not enough, I want more.

I wanna make it clear about my relationship with gaming from now on: I will never play Overwatch ever again; when it comes to other games, I don't care. I might play if I want to, let's say in a company somewhere, but right now I have no desire to even try. But I won't treat playing other games as a relapse.

What am I gonna do next? I want to do another detox! As it says in the title, I have to move on. My next biggest addiction is YouTube. I don't use any other social media, but YouTube is a real waste of time. I think I've been watching it almost daily since 2011 or 2012. To be honest I've learnt quite a lot from it, it's a good resource for guides and teaching, but I want to at least have a break from it, so I will delete it from all my devices. But I'll have one exception: if I encounter a problem and a relevant solution from google search is on YouTube, I'll watch. As a tech nerd I google a lot, so I need YouTube guides to make my life a bit easier.

That's all for now. I feel like I want to return to dumb Nokia phone in the future to do a full dopamine detox, but I think it's too much to do everything at once. I have to take it slow.

I also have to develop a studying routine, fitness routine and something for socializing, but I think it's too much for a single post and for a single day. I'm on a holiday for a week, I will try to study a bit, read a bit and maybe do something for fitness. I want to try things so I would be able to set adequate goals and make a schedule.

In my last journal I said that I don't need this forum anymore and that I'm leaving. So why am I writing this here? Well I still have a lot of things to work on and I like the idea of a personal development journal to make my goals more concrete, also I like writing in English I guess.

I don't think that I will write here daily, but I'm open to experiment. We'll see how it goes.

When I just started my first journal here in 2020 I've been seeking for attention, treated this forum as a social media. I wanted likes and replies. Right now that's absolutely irrelevant, I'm doing my own thing mainly for myself, if it'll help someone who's just starting it's a plus, but ain't my motivation. When I was writing daily in my last journal this year, I noticed that no one has replied to me in a month, and I was pleasantly surprised because it was so unrelated to my goals, that I noticed it only after about 20 days of writing. I think it shows my maturity, that what I'm doing has a real value, not just a cheap show off. Other than that I'm still an idiot lol.

I’ve started catching up on chores and will continue later today. Even short gaming sessions used to break that flow and create a lingering fog afterward. It already feels lighter mentally to move again, even in small steps.

I also restarted my decluttering project. I want the home lighter and calmer by 2026. My son will handle his room, and I’ll focus on the garage. It’s messy but finishing it will bring a sense of space I’ve missed for years.

I’m reading daily and want to increase it. Reading feels far more rewarding than gaming ever did, same immersion but no emptiness after.

No cravings at the moment. I’m curating YouTube to avoid potential triggers by resetting history and using “don’t recommend” and “not interested.” The feed looks cleaner already.

My son’s still caught in gaming too much. Grades, social energy, even his mood are affected. I have to set an example but he also needs active help. If anyone has experience or tips on how to guide a teenager through this, I’d appreciate it.

Nowadays I find that ill sit down on my computer and I wont even feel like playing anything, I feel as though the years of league really cooked my dopamine receptors, I only play online games and the last singleplayer game I finished was Cyberpunk 2 years ago. truthfully I dont really know if ill fully quit gaming but if anything i really want to get away from competitive gaming, and scale back to weekend gaming on singleplayer games at most, but thats another decision for another day.

To exacerbate my gaming issues I also struggled with pretty heavy use of marijuana once I became legal in 2023 for a few months to mask my pain and hide away in my comfort zone (I have since then had on and off with it, but alongside quitting gaming I resolved to quit weed too, and have been off it for the past 2 months). As a result I slowly turned myself into a shell, I am nothing, my existence was competitive gaming with university on the side, no hobbies, no girlfriend, no social life or activities aside from talking with my same group of friends from high school. I dont really know what I want to do with my degree and maybe if I wasnt so busy gaming I would have thought about it before picking the degree. but I am resolved to really commit myself to something and I think all of these unhealthy habits and especially gaming are at the root of my issues. The fact that not getting a coop placement this summer barely hit me and Im happy getting 60s and 70s really proves how jaded I have become, so I am resolved to finally bite the bullet and get rid of these bad habits and build new ones that I can foster into new things to enjoy, rather than wasting away in front of my desktop.

I WILL SEIZE THIS OPPORTUNITY.

This is my first post, and I'm here because I'm tired of spending hours rotting in my bed because of doomscrolling. I used social media, especially YouTube and Discord as a replacement for gaming, but I also used them because I struggle with socializing in real life. Those apps allowed me to "connect" with people and have "friends" without much effort. 

In reality though these connections are shallow. They can never be as fulfilling as real life friendships. Additionally, a lot of those friendships, or friends of my friends on Discord, would show toxic behavior. And they would get upset over the minor inconvenience. When I was addicted, I thought that behavior was normal. I now realize it isn't. 
 

I want to break free from the grasp Discord and YouTube have had on me. I want to be more confident in my abilities, be more social, and overall just try random things. I want to have diverse experiences I can talk about when I'm older, and staying online will not allow that. That is why I'm shutting down social media for 90 days 
 

Today I woke up at around 9:40 AM. I went out with my family to have breakfast, buy groceries, and have lunch. I arrived at home an hour ago, and I stored all the groceries, and now I am writing this. Later I will store some recently ironed clothes in their respective drawers, and then go for a walk. Later, I will have dinner with friends.

Day 1 without gaming, since my last setback.

Here's what happened in a month:

• I completed two games ( A Physical Escape Game + A Game at the Arcade ) 
• Spring Cleaning for the Lunar New Year
• More time in my workplace ( Lesser working from home) 

The above satisfies me because:

• I aim to complete five games before considering purchasing any more
• I fulfilled a family commitment 
• I became more active and social 

Elsewhere: 

• I completed Gaming the System Podcast #11 today.
• Exposing myself to a painful past (Playing Dota 2 after six years)
• Threw out expired G Fuel 

I've been trying to quit gaming for more than half of my life. I've had access to games and my first PC very early in life, had my first PC by the age of 10. I've also realised quite early that games are not good for me, since I've always had problems with playing them in moderation, so probably my first attempt to stop playing games completely was when I was 13 or 14. I've probably made hundreds of small attempts.

Over last few years I've probably had a dozen of times where I'd be clean of gaming for 1-2 months, relapse, binge for 1-2 weeks. Other option was to just play "in moderation" which in this case means 6 to 10 hour a day on average, not doing much over the essential stuff.

Just writing all this stuff down was a very interesting experience, I've started to really think about it, I really believe this time I can make it and I'm grateful that I've started this journal.

I’ve had no online distractions. I did dream about action films which I had watched in the past.

i will refrain from discussing things that don’t concern me at work. I will exercise in the evening.

Wish you all faith in yourselves.

I've been feeling pretty down about how I perform at work, and how I've been feeling detached and out of the moment. Have been looking for advice and resources. Reading through this forum and the r/StopGaming sub has helped me a lot, I can relate to how it feels not being able to stop despite knowing the negative consequences that abusing my internet time is causing me.

Short background about me, I have ADHD, which has caused me to have low self-esteem, and makes me second guess starting tasks (procrastinate). While I have developed a lot of strategies to help that, it's still not at where I'd like to be, and I'm inconsistent. When I get at my worst, I turn to things that are easy and give me quick pleasures. A few years ago it was mobile games, which I did manage to cut out thankfully. But in retrospect I think I transferred a lot of bad habits to internet use; wasting large amounts of time watching youtube, scrolling through Discord convos, feeds on Reddit and Twitter (X), reading Wikipedia and the news, engaging in online conversations, and so on.

I want that to stop. It's just so easy to avoid the hard and challenging task I have at work, and instead waste several hours away distracted. I'm sick of losing precious work hours, I'm sick of staring at my phone and feeling this craving to get Reddit karma or check my notifications on wiki articles I'm watching. So sick of feeling hopeless because I can't start a work task that was assigned to me and waiting a week to get my shit together. So sick of feeling like I'm slow.

Note - this journal of mine went through some transformations. I've redefined my goals in posts that follow. In summary, I want to detox myself from compulsive social media behaviors, compulsive research behaviors, and specific types of games (mobile, social media games, and online competitive with randoms). In general, I am going to also stop using passive screen time during inappropriate times. You can read about that with what I identified are my bottom lines and middle lines, from in my October 1st 2024 post.

The format I am using is as follows, and it's what has helped me keep myself accountable. I'll post it here too, mainly to help me write my entries faster:

<day mm.dd>

• No social media - x days
• No compulsive research - x days
• No passive screen time before bed, first thing in the morning, and during work - x days
• No mobile games - x days

<summary_of_prior_day_up_to_current_day>

Things that I will do everyday to stay healthy

• Sleep around 8h - <yes_or_if_not_plan_to_do_it_later_or_why_not>
• Stretch - </>
• Go for walks / Exercise - </>
• Drink Water - </>
• Wash face + body - </>
• Nutrition:
  • breakfast - </>
  • lunch - </>
  • dinner - </>
• Talk to my partner - </>
• Talk with my kids + play with them - </>
• Read a book - </>
• Meditate + deep breaths - </>
• Practice French - </>
• Journal (gratitude and reflection) - </>

<7_Habits>

I am reading Stephen R. Covey's The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and doing exercises with the companion workbook. This is the best book I've ever read on self-improvement. Even once I am done reading it, I will keep practicing and posting about my 7 Habits practice here.

----

I know that this isn't exactly a typical game quitting post; I recognize that, and I'm being honest about it. I do still play console games casually; I've identified through my sobriety worksheet (the October 1st post linked above) that I can safely and healthily engage with those games as a hobby. To stay accountable, I'm sharing screen time summaries with screenshots at the beginning of each month in this journal.

For those curious, I do greatly recommend that you take a look at the Sobriety Worksheet and do those exercises yourself. You can find the link to the Sobriety Worksheet on the About Me section of my profile. What is safe for me may not be necessarily safe for you, because we are all unique individuals; so that's why I really recommend you sit down and work through those questions yourself, as your lines are going to differ from mine.

Finally, I don't know of any other communities that I can share this journal with. I did find Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous, they are a great community for online support meetings. But that said, they don't have a tool for journaling of any sort and keeping each other accountable. So given that, I will continue to detail my journey here.

----

Original post continues below.

Quote

My goal is to abstain from using passive screen time to not conflict with my workdays, Sunday evenings to Friday afternoons, so that I can be more present and aware, and reach my full productive potential.

What that includes:
* no social media at all during weekdays; including this forum. I will check only on weekends (Friday evenings to Sunday afternoons).
* no entertainment videos, except while working out on a treadmill
* no video games, except casual ones like Mario Party with family (kids, wife) & irl friends after work, and stop before 10pm (Fridays and Saturdays; before 11pm ideally)
* limit TV and movies to watching with kids and wife, and stop before 10pm (Fridays and Saturdays; before 11pm ideally)

And yeah, I know it's ironic that I'm posting this on a web forum. To be frank, this forum was also a source of abuse for me back when I tried to detox. Not the forums fault necessarily, I need to do better. But I also need to post this somewhere, so I can hold myself accountable. That said, I'm not going to be posting every day here again. But I will make sure I come back on weekends to post an update and engage for a bit.

...

I am filling my time with a journey of self improvement, with things that include meditation, reading and journaling. I'm planning on talking about this with an ADHD coach that I've been seeing every Friday too. I think a good way to keep me accountable is to also post here on this forum; I know that it's not exactly a game quitting case I'm on here, more a digital one overall. So hope that is ok. I'm also going to be conscious of not overdoing it during weekends either, so I have an app in StayFree and extension in StayFocusd installed to help with managing that on my computer and desktop browsers respectively.

Posting this on a Monday, so I guess my journey officially starts now. I'm logging out and will check back in closer to the weekend.

My main goal with this journal will not only be to reflect on my past and present struggles, but also to inspire people to find a life that is worth living without video games. I have a strong will to explore and I want to use this driving force to share my experiences through photos and journals. I think it's important that we teach ourselves to write about the good stuff to inspire hope, and to remind ourselves that we are always moving forward. So in the end this journal is not only for me, but also for anyone that comes by and takes a moment to read and reflect.

I hope I'll see you here in the future! 💛

This last few months I have been working around 60-80 hours a week in my dream industry. My position is still very entry, but I am given a lot of responsibilities and there is tons of room to grow. However, when I get home, I started to realize that my life is so empty. I just sort of turn on my MMORPG, and stare at a screen.

I am by no means a far gone addict. I have a job, I work out, and I think on the surface you wouldn't think that I have a gaming problem. I think in the past, gaming was much more of an issue. I was unemployed, gaming maybe 60 hours a week on the same MMORPG, eating unhealthy and it was just bad overall. Despite the fact that I am now a contributing member of society, I absolutely feel like I am not living up to my potential. I used to have more friends, I used to date more, and just overall this isn't the life that I want.

If I'm only alive for 80 years, I'd like the next few decades to be memorable. The truth is that very few moments in gaming are deeply memorable to me. I can remember trying to get the scarab gun in Halo 2 as a kid, or playing some friend slop games. But the ratio of hours spent to actual memories is so lopsided. The vast majority of time, I don't remember anything and nothing was gained. You can argue that real life is like that too, but I disagree. I think fondly about my real life memories, the photos I took with my friends, the places I went to, the feelings I had.

So anyway, I have decided to take a 90 day detox. I am already 12 days in and this is the first day I've felt cravings. It's honestly just nostalgia, I don't actually think playing the games would make me happy.

Honestly shout out Cam too for this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hlroDQ_Qvo

I feel like I am on the edge of achieving something great. At a fork in my life where my dream job is at the tip of fingers. I have good friends and my family is well. I'd be a foul to be distracted right now. I'm not even unhappy in my real life, I am actually much less happy while gaming than even my worst day at work.

Anyway, my first wish is to change the feeling (or if correct (here online, specifically), the fact) that things are generally not improving in my day to day experience of life. The second is simply that I would prefer perhaps gentle teasing from everybody with regard to my RPG habits - instead of, say, all-out assault. This is because I truly don't grasp how bad or good my habits are. Maybe to re-state, I already have 2 disorders to deal with - not including gaming - and no matter how I spend my time, I end up blind to some or many things. It could help on this forum if the 'keener eyes' remembered that about me.

That said, I would love to be able to get lost in healthy discussion here if it didn't mean argumentativeness would appear in face to face or intimate texting settings involving me. Part of the reason I decided to type again is because ruminative anger was getting stuck in place and I wanted to prove to myself that I probably wouldn't actually say or do anything angry if I ordered my thoughts at home on the keyboard some more. I also mostly felt trapped following discussions whilst scrolling my phone - how could my smart little tablet carry over to me so much distress? So yes, I believed in one moment at least that things were slipping.

On any given day, one could even ask what I 'did' at play on my computer, and I would outline it - likely shame-facedly as well - because I know what is consequential for most, but for me, it's hard to predict. *I lasted 2 weeks with a medication adjustment recently and resumed that one subtracted pill so that I could at least feel order. That is one thing we could share still. Post away, post away, + PMs welcome. ❤️ 

~ Matt