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  2. People here , I'd like to thank you for you support, and tell you that I will end my journal here. I prefer to write in my own diary. I wish you all good luck In your game free days and life! We got this. Thank you. M
  3. Today
  4. If you have concerns about gaming habits or feel guilty about the time spent playing games, it might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional for guidance and support.
  5. #8 I was watching some vids from this communitys videos. And yes, I had also this thoughts about that it's not we who wants the game its our brain. Because of the Dopamine kicks the game gives us. He talked about Masturbation and porn. I'm also thinks about more things, For example, to sniff as many do in our country. Snuff. I'm talking about moist powder tobacco user. I had to google and translate the word 😂 When you stop taking that, after years, it's like you claiming to the doors. And you can Stand in a food queue at the store, all of a sudden you stand in front of The Tobaccy Raises your hand even, stretches for it, and you have to stop yourself. The brain attracts you in every possible and impossible way to take it again, though you never really like it. That's not good! But the brain has made you believe this. of course it's the same with licker. The alcoholic hates it. It's ruining his life, economi, relationship with others, his family, you name it, man. His brain. His health. When I grow up, my grandmothers brother was an alcoholic. He had delirium even. He was out going with the crocodiles he said 😂 "Wait, I'll just tie the crocodiles here on the bridge edge. " Anyway, I was looking into two videos from this community. And there come up suggestion of an psychologist that I wanted to see too. First about when life stop working and you "freez ” and what to do about it. Second vid was about what you can do for you mental health stop being on the phone. Only take it up when you going to do a specific thing. Than lay it down again stop wasting your time on the phone. second.stop buying crap . I'm thinking again what my therapist said about the phone. It takes your energy. It don't give you energy. this YouTube psychologist said something similar. We know this too, don't we. We can't be bored not even for a second. We want the phone to constantly Entertain us. When we lay done the phone, what happens? Well, I could freeze, sure. Just laying down, feeling depressed. Maybe I have little energy left in me, but I don't wants to do anything about the mess around me. That I had not controlled at all. Because I have been online somewhere, prior was online life, not THE REAL STUFF. Oh, man. but I think you can't , when you stop being online, sit around forever. You do other things sone or later. that Disk for example. But also other things. Yesterday I got two college blocks. New ink pens. I was up early this morning and wrote three pages. For it is the best I know how to deal with addiction three pages. Every morning. The first you do when you wake up . (You can take a cop of coffee too) and you never show this pages to anyone. You don't even go back and read it yourself. It's the writing that is important here. Not the reading. you wright about what you want. And you can do it on a free way, because no one, not even yourself going to read it. (Of course you can read it, but don't get obsessed to it) some days you can get a genial idea of some kind. It's ok. But mostly the morning pages is Incredibly tedious. And is there anything I learned about it is that you will not be able to nag yourself year in and year out, side up and side down, without doing anything about it in the end. I recommend Julia Cameron's book Artist's Way if you are interested. It has helped me. And millions. Julia was married to renowned film director Martin Scorsese. Many directors, actors and artists, etc. have whispered a lot of wise advice in her ears and she helps people get in touch with is your creativity, she means cures everything. She was an alcoholic herself. 3 pages every morning. No one else can read. It is a free fenced you can write what you want about your life. Add a daily walk. A date with yourself once a week, again you just have to alone. You take yourself out on a date, do something you think is funny. These are the tools .
  6. Entry 27.03 (Written on 28.03) Day 545: No Useless Videos Day 543: Sticking to Food schedule Day 147: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 137: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. -Completing leg and chest workout even though i was quite late on schedule =/ -Started brushing teeth+flossing earlier than 21 55 -Got my finger through for entrance for my job place at 09 03, today very hopefully earlier than 09 00 🙂 1 Thing I could do better- -Do initial explanations shorter and more attached to needs f prospects rather than a standard explanation each time, then once I see they're quite sure to sign up - elaborate
  7. Yesterday
  8. #7 I have been busy, not much thinking about the game. I was to church yesterday. I gave back 3 books to the priest. But admitted haven't read so much. I told him , I have fighting me out of a addiction instead. Of mobile games. And he said he took away his private Facebook account. I talked little about this but I don't think he fully understood how addicted I was to this game, but it doesn't matter. The most important for me is that I'm not there any more. He gave me a Bible text. Asked me to meditate over the words. MIka 7:7-8 Rejoice not over me, O my enemy; when I fall, I shall rise; when I sit in darkness, the LORD will be a light to me. I then was eating and talking with others. And then I went home and wanted to hear prayers again. On Spotify. Podd. What have you. I felt a sleep for a while . Woke up, took a glas of water and went out, because my son had the concert. I we to the liberay in my little city. Talked to my other son if he wanted to come, but he said he was to tired . Another person came and talked to me when I was there. He asked me how it was with me, and I told him . He himself is in love . He talked about the addiction I just took me out of. He said life is not complicated. He said life is easy. Thinking back to what he said, I think I don't agree with him. If life was easy, I hadn't struggling with things in my life. At all. I wished him good luck with his love and plans. I thanked God, I'm not him. Because I don't want the life he is living, though he seamed to think that. I told him I'm good being my own. I like that. I'm growing being alone, I m that kind of person. I love freedom . Doing what the hell I want . I saw my son, I was so proud of him . He was playing drums to a Thin Lizzy song, Whisky in Jar, and after that, he sang in the choir, tenor. They was so good, we talked and followed back home, talking about the concert and so. When I was about to sleep I thinking this day I have almost not thinking at all about the game. I don't even feel like talking about it in same way I did before. 🙂
  9. Day #85/90 I feel like I'm losing some steam with how close the finish line is. My portfolio isn't due until Friday, but I am working towards submitting tomorrow. I do not want to submit at the last minute, and with the feedback I've received from my peers already, I feel confident in that decision. I did not procrastinate until the last minute. I do not feel the need to scramble for more time. I want to get rid of this burden by tomorrow night and finally get it off my mind after 7 months of thinking about it nonstop. What I'm thankful for: My creative spark not dying out. Goals for Day #86: Do more 1 minute figures, and add the finishing touches to all pieces included in the portfolio. Submit portfolio!!!
  10. Entry 26.03 (Written on 27.03) Day 544: No Useless Videos Day 542: Sticking to Food schedule Day 146: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 136: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. -1 hour run -20 minutes in sun -moving nuts to lunch to test effect on evening sleepiness. Continue with this today, I do not think one day of testing this is enough. bottom line there was still sleepiness 1 Thing I could do better- -start brushing teeth and flossing at 21 55 and no later, I want to devote 10 minutes to motivation, plus I'm doing incredible damage with this terrible habit of flossing when i wake up to pee in the middle of the night, because the food starts rotting...
  11. Alright, let's get back into it, and w/ a strong identity recommitment first. It's never impossible to change. I am not a person who indulges in any of the following: - skin picking - any other physically harmful coping mechanism - gaming - social media as escapism, rather than learning - non-intentional learning of any kind (such as mindless reading, binge-watching, etc.) - pornography - any other emotionally harmful coping mechanism Why is that no longer me: I must pursue my goals. I know that the world needs me- the world as I want it to be will never, never happen if I do not make it myself. And I cannot get there w/out my 100%. It will take all of us- and I need to start with myself. I want a world where "work" is not a requirement for basic human needs, where has the capacity to be brave and do the hard thing, where there are no more (bullshit) jobs, where borders are a formality rather than barriers, where empathy and compassion is practiced more often than isolation and fear. If I do not quit gaming, I cannot teach myself to do the hard things. If I do not quit pornography, I will not live a life free of fear and isolation. If I continue to escape my physical, social, emotional realities in any way, I will never be able to change the world. I am no longer a person that engages in skin picking, pornography, games, and any other forms of escapism. ❤️ Po
  12. I feel like I've built up some momentum today. I uninstalled all but one game, and I probably played that one game for about an hour in total. I walked to the supermarket (possibly for the first time this year? I've been relying on my housemates getting food), read a tiny bit, attended my course, did a tiny bit of work on my portfolio, and did a couple of hours of online work that will help alleviate my angst about the higher rent of the next place. Oh, and I brushed my teeth! I also napped for a couple of hours, which is a bit annoying as I don't think my body needed it, but since I got other things done I'm not concerned. I also ate better today than previous days. I don't count calories, but I'd guess that in the last couple of weeks there have been days where I've eaten about 500 calories, and many days where I've eaten less than 1000. Considering I've been jogging more, that's extra bad. My plan is to buy a rice cooker once I've moved, and push myself into making rice and beans. So simple for everyone else, but I have such a weird block when it comes to making food! I've told my housemate I intend to cook for her once a week. Maybe we will fix a specific day each week. My plan tomorrow: do a couple of hours of online work, go for a jog, and start to organise my room for moving. Hopefully sort out the remaining admin for the move, though that somewhat depends on my housemate. It would be nice to return to writing, but I won't push myself on it. Just putting it here as a reminder that it is a possibility.
  13. Last week
  14. Hey guys, so I'm back because I have a problem, or multiple, with a root cause. I'm pretty sure that I've been battling mental illness all of my life, and trying to meet a constant need to retreat to where nothing matters but the task at hand, usually in a playful manner. This has gotten harder and harder to find, because, while I have probably stalled a bit more than the average person in this way, some maturity has inevitably presented itself in my personality. Last year, for 5 months, (between May and October) I stopped all wilful gaming, and thoroughly enjoyed sharing and reading all of our journal entries together. I tried to make them fun and upbeat, as often as I could. I had committed to my first detox, whilst among you doing the same. That was meaningful. But people in my life forget about the illness when I seem to be doing well, though it never really goes away; I dream vividly almost every night, even and especially when I am happy, perhaps a reminder of a greater purpose. Sometimes, I wish it wasn't there, and I could simply ask my peers 'why would I do this' (unnecessary thing - even if it's incredibly altruistic and kind), as I overhear so many people saying, which I've usually found really cringe-worthy. Even in hard times, I never asked that question. I was rarely ever complacent, likely often because I had my online game to remind me that the 'quest' was never over. ______________ If I thought that this, or any other website, could turn into a paradise - offering reprieve and soulful fulfilment (our GQ Discord was relatively hard to get in the mood with), I would commit again to 'no-gaming'; a sincerity that I could carry around in the longest-term. But when jokes have been made by those I know about real, painful things, I dwell and wish that I didn't have to be a part of those scenes. Sometimes I wonder about 'the warrior gene', which sometimes gains traction in online discussions. For the last 2 weeks, I loaded my backpack with 10kg for my multiple-a-day, hour-long walks. I had forgotten what it was like to feel light, in several senses of the word. I think I did that because I wanted my body and mind to feel the same way about my life. _______________ So maybe this journal should be just as much about what I want to be as what I don't want to do. To finish up the entry, I'll share a memory (1) and some gratitude (2) for things that seemed to go right, regardless: 1) I saw 'The Blind Side' movie in the cinemas with my mum and partner when it came out. The credits, with that Five For Fighting song left me feeling good like very few movies did. I think before the movie, a large clump of earwax fell out of one of my ears, perhaps enhancing the experience. 😅 That might have even been while I gave up my computer game (though not all games) for approximately 3 months (because of a very negative PvP experience - I gave away all of my high-value 'items'). I guess that says a lot, huh? 2) - Clouds and nature; we never really say that a cloud or a tree has an incorrect shape. It's pretty much always is the way it is, pretty-looking and natural - Not getting physically sick; yes, whilst gaming, I read a couple of players' histories of nearly dying with sepsis. I felt incredibly fortunate both to be healthy and there to witness such openness - Warm drinks, again; I've made 4 or 5 different ones a day for awhile now. They are both calming and a reason to sit down and reflect, or in this case, type and share. - The little bits of appreciation I've gotten as my most recent gaming endeavours have reached their end - like the sounds around me upon waking in the morning, and the fresh air that comes in after I've opened all of my windows. That's all. I'm going to call this Day #1 of simply and hopefully being and staying active with a community that, if nothing else, got me through a hard Winter and the start of a life-long journey. Peace, ~ Matt
  15. Day #84/90 I fell asleep the moment I wanted to write this. Today was reassuring, especially hearing upperclassmen tell me I'm in a great spot to pass portfolio after taking their suggestions for submission. My main task of the week before submission is to ensure my figure drawings are at the peak of their quality. I spent some time today working on my own animation work, and it felt good. I really felt the need to fill my tank, and realizing that I would've resorted to playing video games in that situation, instead opting for my own work felt really nice. What I'm thankful for: Committing to quitting for this long. Goals for Day #85: Grind out 1 minute figure drawings. Take breaks and enjoy your own work.
  16. Journey to the Western Hemisphere (i.e., Self-Reflection): Why Do I Relapse? Alrighty, so... here's the journal entry I made immediately before my latest relapse: TW: Not too dark but does glorify instant gratification a bit. Maybe skip this if you feel vulnerable to temptation now. It ends abruptly there and it wouldn't have been unlike me to say "fuck it" and start indulging. For those who don't know me, I suffer from borderline personality disorder. What this means and what I find is reflected here is that I intuitively stray from the "balanced" perspective ("wise mind" in dialectical behavior therapy [i.e., DBT] or the "middle path" in spiritual lingo). I tend to either shut out my emotions too much (in DBT they call this "rational mind" but I prefer calling it "mechanical/industrial mind") or give in to my emotions too much ("emotional mind" in DBT or what I like to call "impulsive/animal mind"). I think that after neglecting - if not downright chastising - my desire for pleasure too much for 4-5 days, I flipped to the indulgence side, skipping a compromise. I was on the right path in the second paragraph, questioning my urges, my perspective, assumptions, etc. ... my emotions won overall control in the end but I wasn't too far off from "succeeding". So, what was missing? I'm not very skilled at identifying what my needs are and how to fulfill them. Maslow's Hierarchy of needs comes to mind: Basic Needs Physiological Safety Psychological Needs Belonging Esteem Self-Fulfillment Needs Self-Actualization One thing is certain to me, as is reflected in the first paragraph of the journal entry I shared: my desire for gratification/validation drastically outweighs the amount I am getting overall. I guess you could say where I am the most lacking is in psychological fulfillment; i.e., having my psychological needs met. It's hard to say why. is it that I desire too much? Is it that I'm not getting the right kind or amount from extrinsic sources? Is it that I am not intrinsically mustering enough for myself? Could it be that I am not recognizing and accepting from available sources of gratification/validation? Could it be, ALL OF THE ABOVE!? ... Probably, yeah... Ooof that's a lot of tough questions. I've been sitting here for like >2 hours and a new but very familiar neglected physiological need is arising: Hunger! I will attend to this need now. better late than never. I will digest these thoughts (and my meal) and come back tomorrow. I want to explore how my gaming fits into all of this, why it isn't enough, and where else I can look. P.S. Thank you so much for the feedback @Vee and @LevelUp. 🙂 I was having a bad morning but coming here and seeing this support lightened the mood.
  17. Hi @pdallair91. I recently came back to these forums after a long absence. I haven't read through all your journal entries but for the last few that I have read through I wanted to commend you for your vulnerability in sharing everything that you are going through. I found inspiration from it so keep up the excellent work - its helping others in ways you might not imagine.
  18. Damn, that sucks to have back-to-back medical issues! A friend had Bell's palsy last year, and even though for her it improved after a couple of months, it's still a really scary thing to happen. Regarding the issue with "recommended videos", I recommend the Chrome extension UnDistracted. It can specifically hide recommendations, so you can still use the website, but you end up only watching videos that you were specifically seeking out. It's drastically cut down my YouTube watching time, without me having to actually block YouTube (and then inevitably sometimes unblock it because sometimes there is information I need that I can only find in video form). It can do similar things to Facebook, Reddit, Twitter, LinkedIn and Netflix. I don't know if there is an equivalent phone app, but it's worth looking into.
  19. Written on March 26, 2024 For March 25, 2024 (Day #131) 1. EXERCISE ✔️ 30 mins brisk walk 2. DIET ✔️ Fasting 7pm-10am Stuck to good foods (yogurt, granola, fruit, vegetables) No snacks, no fast food, no pop Drink 3L water, no alcohol 3. MEDITATION ✔️ 15 mins accomplished early morning 4. JOURNALING ✔️ On Game quitters - yes On paper - yes 5. READING ✔️ 15 mins Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins 6. SOMETHING THAT SCARES ME ❌ If I don't continue to work on producing videos I won't get there. I did manage my time better but Monday is a tough day at work. Not making excuses but with the busy times at work it is difficult to find time to work on my projects WHAT WENT WELL YESTERDAY? Attended GA meeting - had a great meeting with 2 newcomers. Good to see and hopefully they will come back. WHAT COULD I DO DIFFERENTLY TODAY? I don't help out around the house enough. Tonight I have some free time which would best be spent cleaning up the kitchen a little bit plus working on producing video content for my youtube channel. DAILY AFFIRMATION I am in the mode of constantly seeking improvements for myself. I look for opportunities in every moment to build myself and others up to reach our true potential.
  20. I have two suggestions that might help you (apologies if you are already doing these): First, make a list of hobbies that you are interested in, or that you have been interested in in the past. Ideally, ones where success can be measured (e.g. exercise), or that help you socialise (e.g. volunteering). Game Quitters itself has an interesting tool to give you ideas: https://gamequitters.com/hobby-tool/ Did you like drawing or writing or crafting when you were younger? Are there any classes (dance, pottery, art, cookery, whatever) you and your children could go to together? If money is tight, what about exercise with your family or friends - running, yoga, cycling? You can also track your exercise progress with an app like Strava, helping mimic the sense of progress you felt in the game. Honestly, at this point it doesn't have to be respectable "productive" hobbies - even just watching TV or reading trashy books will at least help break your obsession, even if they aren't ideal. To make it a bit more engaging, you could write reviews of what you've read/watched on Goodreads or IMDB or some other site. Maybe in your journal try each day to write a paragraph specifically on some other interest, or potential interest. Even if you aren't ready to try something, you could do some research and write about why it seems interesting and what is holding you back. You could even just pick a random historical event each day that you want to learn more about. Second, stop engaging in anything relating to the game. Don't speak to your guild members through other channels (unless you now consider them a solid friend, and they agree to not speak about the game at all with you). Capybara in particular seems to be an unpleasant person. Don't watch videos or read articles about your game. Consider using a website-blocking app on your phone. When you find yourself talking about the game to your friends or family, gently redirect yourself. "I could be preparing for the challenge today with Ren, and...Well, I'm glad I've freed up some time in my life. Maybe I should look into playing the guitar - I think that could be really soothing and satisfying. Have you ever played any musical instrument?" etc. Obviously, without knowing your full situation, some of these suggestions might not be useful to you, but they are things to think about at least!
  21. Ikar

    Ikar's Diary

    22nd March - 26th March: The last few days have been tough on me mentally. I think the main reason has been the stress induced by the whole moving process. My girlfriend is capable in these things, but I feel like I am not performing well enough, which is frustrating, because I'd like to be able to help her out more. Tomorrow I will sleep in the new apartment for the first time at last.
  22. #6 It feels like the relief and immediately happiness for leaving the game, changed to something else now. It's like my brain trying to come up with something smart. "You could go back even if you left the guild. You didn't Deleted the game account didn't you? " It's like I wanna say to myself 'go away satan! "I thought about what requirements it is to be in a guild. To be in a guild is about delivering stars. More or less. As many as you can. For me it was upwards 3000- 4000 stars My goal was to get up to, so many as I can, all players do that, and we Competing against each other. Before the max of challange stars was over 5000 stars, now they have changed it to over 6000 challange stars it is the max. It doesn't make itself, it takes all day and much of the night . Only thinking about it takes away all the joy. I don't want this, just like a alcoholic hates the licker. Yesterday I was out eating. While I eat, my hand reaches my phone. I always was eating and playing at the same time. I trying to read something but my mind keeps coming back to the game. Coming home again I felt in deep Sleep. All my mind was about the game. Again, I was dreaming about it. Woke up still deadly tired. My 17 years old son came back from school. Talking about a concert he will have this evening at school. I bought the tickets . It's 19 pm. He said to me: " Mom, I wish you can stop talking about the game" And I realized it was all I talked about because it's all I have in my brain. The emptiness is hitting me like a bomb. I'm thinking about this boring days they have now until the challenge starts again tomorrow. I'm thinking about all they preper for tomorrow's challange. Ren laying out the maps for the challenge. Other lay out vids how to do this Maps, because this maps coming back over and over. Some harder, some easier. They also have s starhero for this period. Some better, some terrible. Mercer, Sacha, Yumiko is the best. Also Zeke, Tyresse', and Connie lead. Princess also good. Worst are like the Gouverner, and many Moore.. I was watching reaction of the new spin off series the onces who lives with Rick and Michonne , The Walking Dead. Because this game have the rights from the show they can do a map from the series . They have done all The Walking Dead, all of Daryl in Paris and Negan and Maggie in New York, and of course now they doing Rick and Mischonne. My brain screaming to me YOU MISSING OUT. YOU MISSING THE REWARDS FROM THIS I found a prayer on youtube. I prayed. but , maybe, instead of missing out from the game, I can go now this evening to my son's concert . I can and I will. I don't miss the game. My brain trying to fool me. And it's not about own will when it comes to an addiction. Deeply inside of me I wants to be free. Not addicted. woke up also this morning with constantly thinking of the game, the people in the LINE.. Now I think I will trying to listen to music and clean up in the kitchen. I was too tired yesterday. I can't believe how tired I am. And depressed somehow. I wish I could plug out my brain from this game. Just be in the silence.
  23. Yep, that’s what’s driving me to want to make a change…for my son 💜 I’m glad your kids are encouraging you, and what a great example you are setting for them about prioritizing what really matters and how to handle problems that seem overwhelming. Today, instead of escaping to a game, I went for a bike ride with my son and had a really good afternoon, so a good start I think. Won’t be easy though, I’ve gotten habituated to turning to my phone or computer all the time. Hard to break a habit, especially one that rewards your brain.
  24. Entry 25.03 (Written on 26.03) Day 543: No Useless Videos Day 541: Sticking to Food schedule Day 145: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00) Day 135: Being in bed before 23:15 3 Things I did right, no matter how small. -15 minutes in sun -45 min minimal workout -going over report of work attendance 1 Thing I could do better- -After all going to store right after school gave me some acid reflux, and I'm a lot more sluggish. next time better do it in the late evenings usual. Food schedule update: Everything remains the same apart for \ 1. 150g avocados in breakfast 2. 30g chickpeas (dry) at breakfast 3. try moving all nuts from dinner to lunch This is a pilot and i may continue moving stuff in between meals
  25. Well, yeah, last year it seemed like only 1% of my time could be taken up healthily by games, and those ones were with people I knew in person - but the other 99% of daily life, I felt like I had so little sway over what happened around me and it was really disempowering. It seems that during most places I'm at/things I do, something saddens or disappoints me, and I strongly suspect that almost no one will tolerate any voiced problem I have with those things, which is often why I've preferred checking out the little pixellated avatars and hi-scored representations of real people for so long. Usually, no one can tell that I'm checking them out any more than anyone else does. Gaming is definitely an unbalancing force at times, but the fact that I've stayed on the same platform for over half of my life only bothers me when people are quietly but evidently surprised that I haven't got expertise across several other consoles. If it weren't gaming, it would be gardening or something, and I would probably get tired of explaining the benefits of weeding, watering and soiling to others - unlike strenuous exercise/sport. _______________ As for any commitments to gaming, I sort of only have a 30-minutes-per-day kind of April goal (in the middle of which is my birthday, where I hope to bring up to my family why I'm still spending time on it without disparaging the efforts that they actually have managed to make - the NPD runs deep, but it's like Hannibal; discussing the symptoms and signs will probably not help matters unless with more professional guidance, and even then..). I want to be and say that I am not special, merely lagging behind socially, so that my family and others might be able to follow that lead and we may be functional once more.
  26. Preparing to Try Again I ended up relapsing (to some degree) on the morrow of my last post. I don't remember a particular event that triggered me, just reaching the end of my emotional tolerance. I have a personal journal entry that reflects the state of mind I was in at the moment I gave in and I will see what I can extrapolate from it and what I can learn from it. It would've been possible to recover sooner but 2 days later I had a new medical emergency that shook me a bit. I rushed to my local emergency clinic. After 8-9 hours of wait time was diagnosed with Bell's palsy - half of my face is paralyzed due to temporary nerve damage. It was a relief that it wasn't a more serious neurological issue. Still, I had a special event I wanted to attend that upcoming weekend that I had to sit out of. The next weekend (the one that just passed), I had to cancel another attendance at a special event because of an eye infection (I am prone to these because of my dry eye syndrome). The physical effects are tolerable, from home at least but I can't deny the psychological impact. At times, I do feel like I am cursed, like a bad genetic role at birth or something, given all my medical issues. I know I'm not the only one and some people have it worse but yeah, most people don't have as many medical issues as I have at this age. So, I had a minor emotional meltdown yesterday. I was so angry and sad. I happened to have a session with my psychologist and he recommended that I take this week off - he even gave me a signed letter in case I needed to show it to my manager. So, yeah... I'm taking this week off. Still, I can't just sit here and use this an excuse to just play more games. First of all, I have to do everything in my power to recover from the eye infection, and staring at screens doesn't help. Second, what can I do to feel less tired and frustrated going forward? I just want to enjoy life more, you know what I'm saying? I don't know exactly what I need to change but I have to change something(s) to get out of this depression. I know gaming the way I do is one of those things I need to change. I'm not quitting today exactly, I need to think about this more, unpack theories on why I relapse, and what I can maybe do to improve my avoidance of or recovery from another relapse. I have some ideas... I feel like I am close to a kernel of wisdom I need to learn (or simply remember). I will try to come back and post about it here tomorrow or the day after. Anyway, I'm glad I have an account here and made all these journal entries. I'm glad I had all these replies from some of you folks. Thank you so much for the support, it's the main reason why I keep coming back from time to time, giving myself another chance. I have a personal journal entry that reflects the state of mind I was in at the moment I gave in and I will see what I can extrapolate from it and what I can learn from it.
  27. Hello Game Quitters Members. Unfortunately, I got tired easily the past couple of weeks and have to call the plumber from a different water leak from the basement of my house. Hopefully that's it with water issues in general.... So far today is great, my cardio time with the elliptical machine improved and increased from being 10 something minutes and a 220 calories burn. I believe the cardio exercise part of fitness training burn more calories easily. I think my fitness level improved too compare to previous years also in 2019 as my starting year of fitness, I felt great while weighting less. However comparing from 2019 to nowadays 2024 I feel and performed way better by using the word advanced. The same productive habits such as taking a evening shower thanks to video from Alpha M. talking about taking a shower in the evening will make you still feel clean mostly and said if you are running late just put a deodorant, fragrance for men and I add body powder for the lower parts front and back of the human body which the image consultant content creator didn't mentioned and ready to start the day. I can't wait to finally finished on my YouTube video on me trying whey protein powder and it's benefits in general also finishing the payment for my published book and continue to write my second book that I want to be 10x better than my first book in general too. Life is going to be great. Hopefully I can make good quality pictures by myself with this professional tripod holder for both cameras and phones in my car in the future, and hopefully in the local park in my area too to improve my dating profile pictures for both Tinder and Hinge app. So yeah. Okay, I want to get back in doing what I need to do in a productive way. Have a good day Game Quitters Members.
  28. I only gamed for maybe an hour yesterday, then pushed myself to see a couple of friends, rather than decided I was too tired and staying in. I've gamed maybe an hour today, but ended up being distracted by other stuff. I haven't yet uninstalled Steam for a very silly game-related reason... Basically, if I just play my main game for a couple more days, then I will get better offline gains for however long I'm away. Which I know is defeating the point (and ideally I won't go back to it anyway) but oh god, I can't resist. I don't know if I'm misunderstanding your question, but I think destructive/unhealthy hobbies (i.e. something that is done in your spare time, rather than work) are ones that can fall into one or more of these categories: Bring out negative emotions in us at a far greater rate than positive ones, e.g. anger, frustration, misery. Negatively impacts our health or level of functioning in basic areas (eating, sleeping, hygiene) frequently Negatively impacts our relationships with others, e.g. means we see/interact with people far less frequently than we need (bearing in mind different people need different amounts of interaction), how lower quality interactions, or behave in a way that is cruel, dismissive, or otherwise repels people and disrupts/destroys our relationships Negatively impacts our responsibilities - e.g. with work, school, or childcare. Potentially also one which is an unbalancing force in our lives, i.e. 80% of our free time is spent doing that one activity. Although I'm undecided about that if it doesn't fall into other categories. Also, I think it has to have a frequent or severe negative impact for it to qualify. An example: I know a person who attempts "The DW" most years, a continuous 125 miles of kayaking that takes 20+ hours. On that specific day, I imagine negative emotions can bubble up, and people sometimes experience exhaustion, heatstroke and other health issues. But the training for it broadly enriches their lives - they get to exercise, socialise with their club, and see nature, without sacrificing responsibilities or sleep, except on that one day. I imagine there is a great sense of achievement when you complete that event, and it's something that most people would understand and be impressed by (rather than "I'm in the top 200 for this specific game" etc). It's something you could bring up in a job interview as an interesting little fact about yourself. But even with kayaking, people could take it too far and it might tick a lot of the above boxes. For me, the way I game impacts my level of functioning and how frequently I socialise, and it also makes it hard for me to do anything else, because I don't want to lose time that could be spent on gaming. But gamification of learning isn't destructive for me unless it lures me into actual gaming, or I get so focused on the gamification that I'm not truly learning anything (which is usually more of an issue with the app/platform). I would also say that there is 1% of gaming which is fine for me, namely party games like Jackbox. It's impossible to play by yourself, and I would only play it with actual friends - usually when at least some of them are in person. It acts to facilitate social situations, rather than replace them, and can lead to interesting conversations. ...That was long-winded, and I'm not sure if it was what you were looking for! 😄
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