NEW VIDEO: I Quit MMOs and THIS Happened
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I don't believe I have looked into that workbook. It's tough, I've been so overwhelmed that I feel like I'm too exhausted to even process my issues any further than putting a label on my problems. "Putting a label" might seem like a reductionist way of describing my struggles but I have actually put thought into what my problems are and even some solutions, but I just can't bring myself to execute those things. I've been a mess for a while and it takes a lot for me to push for change. I appreciate your support in my time of turmoil. -
Day #115 I've been having a lot of negative thoughts, and they've been haunting me during the final stretch of this semester. Lots of impostor syndrome and wondering if I'm ever going to become a professional artist. I'm actively watching myself fall into defeatist attitudes and visualizing myself not making it. Obviously, the #1 thing that matters is whether or not I'm happy, but I'm sad that I'm not able to maintain a level of discipline to take small steps to reach my goals. I quit video games so I could focus on my studies and my growth as an artist, but I've been stuck on step 1 forever now. I need to buckle down and figure out what my next step is and force myself through my mental paralysis. Yeah, I've been really unhappy lately. It's SUUUUUCKS. Didn't get a lot of work done today. I actually just remembered that I did sketch earlier. I finally did it after a long period of time, so I guess that's a small victory. Not even... as I'm typing this I'm realizing that it's actually a bigger achievement than I'm making it out to be, I'm glad I did some drawing today. My brain just REALLY hates me lately, that's all. What I'm thankful for: The faculty of my intense art program granting me a chance to have a future in the upper division art classes. Goals for Day #116: Work on comps for final digital painting More progress on animation final; shoot video reference
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After learning more about hobbies and doing a relapse, I've learned something that'll help me with my journey. 1. All the games a person plays, no matter what, will eventually become worthless as the progress of the game is bound by a developer who will eventually move on. With this knowledge, I now know that if I want to do something that'll give value to me for a long time, I'll have to make something instead of using things others have made. 2. I can reduce the amount of hours I play video games to 1-2 hours whilst still being with friends and if a game I'm playing has no friends or doesn't really have anything that I truly like about the game, it's best to simply not play at all and use my time doing other things. 3. If a game is played not to progress but instead for fun, you start to see how a game keeps people attached as people keep playing to search for that fun, that happiness. Once you see that games keep you busy instead of giving you true entertainment, that time is better spent being busy with things that are actually important. Though I relapsed, these things I've learned will help me in understanding myself and my next attempt. Up next, making a schedule and learning how to utilize it whilst learning new hobbies. round 2 here we go. -
Food Schedule Update (24.4 - 8.5) Generally the same, the only change is that today I'll eat like on Friday and Saturday, because on Sunday I rode the bike like on Friday Saturday and I want to replace the calories. If something like this happens again(6+ hrs ride), I reserve myself the right to eat as on Friday Saturday the day after to replace he lost calories Later update same day - If I run out of peanut butter on a friday-saturday may replace it one for one with tahini 1 More edit for clarification same day - once new pnb stock arrives, things go back to their order of course 🙂 -
By wheatbiscuit · Posted
April 23 (midday) There are a lot of old circuits for me 'upstairs'. One of them is gaming when I want to further celebrate a positive event/emotion. I'm sure I've typed it here once before, but excluding my 5-month detox last year, I got back on the gaming after one of my best friends' engagement party/actual wedding (I can't recall, even more sadly) at the end of 2019. Today was little different, with the addition of whichever kind of cold/flu I've picked up (an excuse for being inside or inactive) and the elation of collecting a birthday present from my mom at the post office, and discovering what it was. However, I know that even if I'm beating an addiction to the game I've played solely for 10 years, there still might be a mental addiction to 'grinding', be that repetitive clicking or even style of work. One of the only redemptions of my RPG was 'motivating' me to get up early and keep track of time (points gained per hour). Before that, I remember being woken up for school finally with splash of water to the face - I didn't mind that so much as the feeling that a family member felt that would be the best way to get me going. 😅 Regarding what @Pochatok shared last post, I did operate for about 1 year under similar self-guidance, but was at odds with my family for how hard I was pushing. I was 16, and didn't much like what I saw in the mirror or in the eyes of others. Come my 20th/21st, that was sort of what landed me in a hospital. ________________ Gratitude: ~ more very decent weather ~ the 2L actual drink bottle I received via post ~ a spark of creativity last night to come up with/plan some short stories ~ the curse/blessing of the internet Peace, ~ Matt
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