Day #86-87/90
The last few days have been an absolute marathon to complete my portfolio. I am exhausted from the stress I went through. I feel anxious after the fact, but I am glad that I have finally submitted my portfolio after 7 months of lamenting the fact I skipped the first time around.
Tomorrow is my first day of Spring Break, and I'm going to do 0 things school related. Good night.
What I'm thankful for:
Finally submitting portfolio. That shut my negative self-talk up.
Goals for Day #88:
Don't do any art. Take a break. Clean. ANYTHING BUT SCHOOL
Day 33
I have just returned from a week working away from home and so have had no trouble operating without video games recently.
It is Easter now though and an extremely difficult time for me. I have four days to fill and I want to spend a least some of that time with the people I am closest to and value the most. But I feel strong anxiety organising and committing to those plans. Usually in this position I would be playing games, on my first beer of the evening and be extremely relieved that I could postpone taking action until "Tomorrow".
I spent several hours cleaning my oven today. After returning home I noticed an unpleasant smell and resolved to attack the issue, postulating that the source was either an old bit of food that jumped out off the wok and rested awkwardly behind the oven or is the carpet in need of a shampoo. The oven took so god damn long to clean that I had time to realise the state of the oven is emblematic of the state of my life. Its been neglected for so long.
Pretty hard to summon the enthusiasm to clean the oven when you could be exploring dungeons with adventurers.
To leave this post on a positive note I give thanks for three things:
I have lost 0.5kg since last week.
My binge drinking free run matches that of game free run and is some how effortlessly easy to maintain.
My back is feeling way better. TY TY TY.
Entry 28.03 (Written on 29.03)
Day 546: No Useless Videos
Day 544: Sticking to Food schedule
Day 148: Eating Only between 06:30 and 19:00 (Last bite before 19:00)
Day 138: Being in bed before 23:15
3 Things I did right, no matter how small.
-20 minute lunch in sun
-Started brushing teeth+flossing earlier than 21 55 again
-Full back+shoulder workout apart for abs and front hand exercises =/
1 Thing I could do better-
-Still didn't implement yesterday's improvement. I need to make a more detailed plan i believe to make it happen, rather than "shorten it" write specific details...
Day 1 again- relapsed yesterday, multiple times. While my preferences for content are changing for the better, I need to simply stop. Again, I must stand by my goals more deeply- it's too easy to forget.
If I want to live in the world of my dreams, I must change.
If I want to be free, I want change.
Every time I have an urge to relapse, I will remind myself of the two statements above. Is it worth to override them yet again? After all, how do I know that today is not my last day on Earth? Tomorrow is not granted.
I am no longer a person that engages in skin picking, pornography, gaming, and any other forms of escapism. I am in tune with myself.
❤️
Let's go again.
People here , I'd like to thank you for you support, and tell you that I will end my journal here. I prefer to write in my own diary. I wish you all good luck In your game free days and life! We got this. Thank you. M