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  1. Mettermrck added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Sometimes I have to.rigidly schedule my time, including game quitters, to avoid any mindless wasting. I think it's a good idea. I'm glad to see you back, Hitaru.
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  2. Hitaru added a post in a topic Captain Taru's Log: 20000 Withdrawals above the Sea   

    Last week was devoted to reflection and recovery, setting me up for sucess, or at least for survival (survival would also be a hell of a goal). I'm not fully invested again in LH Bootcamp and my daily responsibilities yet, but I believe I'm on the right path. I had to take some decisions, hard ones, and stop negotiating with myself in non-negotiable things. I knew I had to do it since the very beginning, but I didn't dare. "Is this website that bad? Yes, yes it is..". "Aren't you being unreasonable with the time assigned to non-essential internet things? No, no I'm not", and so on. I even assigned time to writing this journal, to avoid mindlessly refreshing the page again and again or just staring at it. Yes, it's that bad. 
    The jitters and brain crap are still a huge issue, but it will pass. It will. At least this time I'm not wanting to die while I cope with them. No, I want to live, I want to see where all this leads me to. I'm developing a huge interest in self-preservation based on sheer curiosity of witnessing. I guess that's the first step before a genuine desire of taking action and see it reflected upon my small piece of world. Life probably works that way.
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  3. Mettermrck added a post in a topic Bob's Journey   

    Day 15/90. Two weeks officially yeah! Also 20/20/1 soda porn fap. I can't believe it's only been two weeks off the gaming. Time is crawling but that's because it's a hard battle and I haven't found new activities that motivate me like gaming did. I'm working on it.
    Still trying to lock down the fapping. Saw a great mantra on the nofap reddit: "mother daughter sister wife". That really helps me think twice but it's a battle.
    I found out my employer has a gym, a small one but with modern weights and treadmills etc. If I go 10 times a pay period, it's free! I'm signing up today and I should get access just after the next payday in a couple weeks. I'd like to do some strength training and build some muscle. Nothing serious but some definition would be nice. And it gives me a place to go every day and be around people. It's a 24/7 gym!
    I got the Stop Breathe Think app on my phone for meditation. I tried it at lunch time and it helped clear my anxiety. I should have used it last night. I know this is weird but most nights I start off sleeping on the couch because my Mom's in the same room. If I start off sleeping myself in the bedroom I get hammered by anxiety and loneliness. Usually I sleep on the couch for an hour or so and then I get up groggy and go to bed and sleep fine. But once I wake up, my brain goes crazy. I need to meditate more. I also tried some gratitude this morning and that helped a little.
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  4. Hitaru added a post in a topic [ES] ¡Sólo por hoy!   

    ¡Bienvenido al foro!
    Antes de nada debo decirte que leerte es pura poesía amigo, te expresas de una manera realmente interesante, particular y a la vez sincera. 
    Conozco lo que significa estar en una relación en la que sientes que las cosas no deberían ser así, que estás haciendo daño, muchas veces sin saber por qué lo haces y también te están haciendo daño, muchas veces sin saber por qué te lo mereces (porque hay una parte de uno mismo que de manera irracional ya asume que te lo mereces, no sé si a ti te pasará lo mismo). Y es realmente duro. No puedo más que respetar tu dolor y tu frustración, pero también decirte que con el tiempo pasa. Todas las relaciones marcan mucho, pero las primeras y las que ocurren durante una época concreta o difícil pueden llegar a definir la vida de una persona, su visión del mundo. Y eso puede llegar a ser un problema mayor que la tristeza que es temporal. Lo mejor que puedes intentar, aunque suene a cliché, es dejar el pasado en el pasado, apreciar lo bueno porque en su momento lo era y dejar de castigarte por lo malo. Solo aprender, tomarlo como una experiencia, algo que te hizo evolucionar y conocerte más a ti mismo.
    Sabes, creo que muchas veces entramos en una espiral masoquista para justificar nuestra inacción y nuestro miedo. "No es que no me atreva a tomar las decisiones que en el fondo sé que debo tomar, es que me merezco estar en esta situación, merezco sufrir, que todo vaya mal, fracasar". Eso nos exime de responsabilidad. No somos nosotros, es el mundo en nuestra contra, el determinismo de que no elegimos ser desgraciados, la vida eligió por nosotros. Pero lo elegimos. Cada día que tomamos esas pequeñas decisiones fáciles, jugar, callar, esconderse, marcan el camino. Y eso asusta, asusta tener tanta responsabilidad. Asusta joderla y saber que los demás van a seguir con su día, que las cosas realmente importantes de tu vida son solo cosa tuya. "No me merezco tanto poder", y al pensar eso ya no hay que hacer nada, eso es lo cómodo, cómodo no de perezoso sino de seguro. Pero sabes que está mal. Si no lo supieras, o te diera igual, no te sentirías mal, vivirías feliz y pasivo.
    Ahora mismo estás asustado, estás dolido, estás enfadado y agobiado, y todo eso no solo es normal sino que está bien. Es legítimo que te sientas así, es más, lo preocupante sería que no lo hicieras. Solo tienes que saber que has tomado la decisión correcta, estás en el buen camino y aquí tienes una comunidad de gente que entiende por lo que estás pasando y te apoya, aunque no te conozca(mos) en persona o estemos a miles de kilómetros los unos de los otros. Mucho ánimo, sigue escribiendo (créeme, yo veía lo del diario como una tontería, como de adolescentes de película americana mala, pero ayuda, de verdad).
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  5. Mettermrck added a post in a topic Bob's Journey   

    Good to see you again, Hitaru! I've missed your encouragement. Yes, you've seen me at some of my weakest moments when I wasn't really ready to quit. Now I am. I tell myself that no matters what happens in my personal life, I won't have these addictions with my.anymore.
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  6. Hitaru added a post in a topic Bob's Journey   

    Hey Bob! 
    I've been doing some catching up with your journal and I'm up to date now. What you're doing is amazing, man. And I can speak with full knowledge, because I'm quitting porn and Youtube at the same time and it's being Hell. Anxiety, loneliness, nightmares, crying, body shakes, exhaustion... the full pack, as you also describe in your experience. If this was learning to use a bicycle, you went full mountain biking, and I can only deeply admire and respect you for your efforts. Not many do as you do, leaving the forums and keep returning, keep trying, keep fighting, and with all the changes that are happening around you, inside and outside. And winning, because you can't slack off now, but also acknowledge, you are winning, day at a time. Currently, it's 2/4/0 in my Porn/YT/Fap counter, and I'm already struggling and not seeing the end of this. I can only hope (and wish) to reach your time as strong as you. You're an example, friend.
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  7. Tom2 added a post in a topic Tom2's 2nd attempt   

    Thanks Al.
    I want to change this time. I appreciate your advice.
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  8. hycniejsy added a post in a topic 1000 DAYS CHALLENGE   

    I'm solemnly swear that I'm up to good
    Day #1829
    4,5 hours of solemnly studying! Fuck yea!
    Also, I took care of my flat.
    And, only 2 hours spent on YT!
    Mischief managed.
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  9. hycniejsy added a post in a topic Super Saiyan Journal   

    Hey, hey, hey my SuperSaiyan!
    The relapse is important thing. It happens, end this is the best time to make positive changes
    The trick with friend is a good. I suggest you to tell him that it's just for studying/work purposes. This way you'll have to embarrass yourself if you will want to get the password back!
    I recommend Rescue Time app. It's just awesome for me! It shows how much time you spend on specific website/program each day and show your productivity and distractive time. I installed it a month ago and I didn't even realise before how much time I wasted on YT over a month!
    I have even better idea for blocking sites. Using computer at home should be only for things that are necessary. Planned at least day ahead. And things that you have to do at home. For me it's printing, accounting, accountability calls and this forum. The rest I can do outside the house like in coffee shop, library reading room or even outside
    Btw. I'm interested into what you said once, I mean that you're psychologist. However you still study, right? Can you expand more about it? If you want of course
    Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
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  10. hycniejsy added a post in a topic The Warrior's Infinite Opus   

    Hey man!
    So long I didn't visited your journal!
    How are you doing with gaming and existential crisis at the same time? I'm just wondering
    Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
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  11. hycniejsy added a post in a topic Aiming for something better   

    Hello Aleks!
    To be honest, in the beggining of the detox I believe that "procrastinating on journaling" is 100x better than procrastinating on YT/Netflix/Streams/Discord/Steam etc.
    Remember that each time you post an entry here, you bring a value. A REAL VALUE to other people with similar problem. That's the difference between these 2 types of procrastination.
    I really like the complimenting goal. Tell me please are you going to compliment people you know or a complete strangers? And obviously what kind of compliments do you give?
    Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
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  12. hycniejsy added a post in a topic Onlysoul   

    Hello there, OnlySoul!
    I see that there is a long journey ahead! You've just got +1 to Mad Pharmacists who will follow your journey! hahaahahhhah
    Also it looks like you're inspiring with my font in signature! Good job!
    Jokes aside, I see that you're getting "priest panic attacks". Can you please tell me how strong they are and what emotions do you feel during that time? This is important, because I experienced panic attacks too and you have to discover your enemy to combat him. I mean, not literally, in most cases the best way is to wait until it wear off or just do anything else (NOT GAMING! ) What do you think?
    The thing you're doing on a journal is called affirmation. If you struggle with low self-esteem, or the better word is not so optimal Then I recommend you to write down some sentences that gives a real value about you, shows how valuable you are and then repeat them twice a day aloud in front of mirror.
    I'll give you some examples:
    I'm very confident, calm and I have great sense of humourEach day I become a better personI can achieve whatever I want!I'm trustworthy personI create a value while I'm talking with other peopleI'm the bossI'm the leaderI have great potentialI'm special personI love everything in myself This one are focused on confidence, because this is important to feel more confident after quit gaming. It helps a lot with social interactions!
    Try this one out and tell me how it works.
    Greetings, Mad Pharmacist
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  13. Mettermrck added a post in a topic The First Steps into Deep Space   

    That sounds like a great day. There's nothing like sitting with a friend and just laughing. I miss that very much. It looks like you've kept yourself nice and busy. 20 days is a good achievement. I'm right behind you!
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  14. DeepSpaceAI added a post in a topic The First Steps into Deep Space   

    Thanks for the support! In hindsight (and in practice of some self kindness), I have been focusing on finishing the school term as strongly as possible and getting a job to resolve my financial position. Even if it feels like a majority of my time was spent worrying, I still did that shit. Even if I didn't live a great life while doing it, it's still damn satisfying to have school off my mind and life back as the main focus.
    Today was my first day of training. I also played D&D with my roommate. It went pretty well. I didn't prepare anything because I was really lost with where to begin so we just roleplayed it out a little bit. Had some laughs and it gave me a clear path towards what to design next. I didn't feel any urges, I don't think. Though, I have been listening to some video game music. Half because of nostalgia, half because I really like the soundtracks specifically. The nostalgia half is fueled by me trying to learn to play one song on the piano. I just happened to hit some of the right keys to make that connection and have been building from there.
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  15. Mettermrck added a post in a topic Bob's Journey   

         Hey, DeepSpace. I never really tried tea. For the most part, I drink a lot of ice water along with some milk and occasionally some crystal light iced tea. I don't feel that deprived. That comes mainly from eating a lot less than I used to.
          I do need to work on the meditation or something. I feel like I'm getting bombarded regularly by anxiety boredom and loneliness. Anxiety comes from not having enough money and fearing the future. Boredom comes from not feeling challenged at my job and also finding things to do at home. And the loneliness comes from being isolated, losing my marriage and not having a lot of friends around me.
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  16. Mettermrck added a post in a topic Happy to be here   

    Sounds like you have a great plan, spearcrab. Welcome!
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  17. DeepSpaceAI added a post in a topic The most stupid and retarded relapse at important time   

    Hey Tom,
    I wanted to make a response to this separate from the daily journal. Let me restate that I really empathize with your situation as that was my life for the past two years. I want to share my experience/"wisdom" with you and hopefully it can give you some clarification in your own life.
    First, let me say you should NOT kill yourself over school. Relapsing was NOT stupid or retarded. Shit happens. You seem like you don't have all the tools at hand in order to fight back against shit happening. That doesn't mean you shouldn't quit video games. They probably are a source of a lot avoidant behaviors. However, while you do a 90 day detox, you must also find and/or make those tools for yourself. Maybe it will even take more time than that.
    Second, let me appeal to your sense of urgency. School should be your number one priority right now. Quit video games, and study. It doesn't matter if you fail, if you don't even try, it will feel even worse. Try and talk to your professors and to academic advisors (and financial advisors if your apartment/food/water is being threatened). Asking questions will help to clear your head. Work with the people closest to your anxiety. If you're worried about class, professors are the best people to talk to. And you're probably paying them a shit load of money to answer your questions and work with you. Take five minutes to write down all the things you need to do. Everything that comes to mind. Just put it on a paper or in a word document. Prioritize it if wish. Then go down the list and start checking them off. It might help to order them from easiest to hardest/shortest (time to complete) to longest. If you need to send some emails, do that. Five minutes and email. Five sentences to break any ice and get into contact. "Dear Prof, I'm Tom, a student in your CE 341 class. I'm currently worried about my performance on the finals coming up. Can we meet so I can ask questions on the subject? Thanks! Sincerely, Tom2". You can (and maybe should) ask them how to study.
    Next, a "just do it" mentality may help you for this term, but it sounds to me like there are much larger issues you might want to address. It sounded like you weren't satisfied with your degree. Hell, maybe you're not even satisfied with college. There's this quote from a show I like (called Bojack Horseman) that says, "It takes a long time to realize how truly miserable you are. It takes even longer to realize it doesn't have to be that way." That's a good summary of my experience. If your major or college doesn't feel satisfying, if you're not reaching for the goal because you want to make to a difference, then you're never going to put 100% into it, even at it's most pleasurable and exciting. So don't. Stop. Take a break. Find yourself.
    I went to a university right out of high school. What a horrible financial mistake that was. This year was my fourth year and I'm only at junior standing. I'm looking at about 30,000 USD in debt (about 34,327,000 Won according to Google). I did it all because it was my mom's dream for me to go college. I wanted to be a computer scientist which perfectly with all of my major interests. Eventually, I realized that I didn't know why I was doing it. I'm grinding away and getting half-baked successes and many failures. What's the point, right? The most reasonable goal for myself seemed to be to work for a Google a year before burning out and having my current existential crisis then. What a shitty goal, right? My dream was to burn out after a year with Google. I was only in it for the money and for someone else's wishes. The dream I had for myself had no purpose and no destination. So I stopped. I'm taking a gap year to find myself, to volunteer, to travel anywhere that I can, to live I life I can be satisfied with, to make some real friends that have their own goals and ambitions, to get a girlfriend (who can hopefully be my unwavering companion), to get fit, to not eat college garbage, and to find a reason to own my education. I don't want to do it for my mom. I don't want to do it for the money. I want to do it because I want to progress society.
    So I suppose take what I say with a grain of salt. I'm still in the middle of the journey. Truly though, you should live the life you want to live. Build the other parts of your life that are just as important. For friends, you can try and contact your gamer friend outside of the game. Make it a priority to be around people who support you and want you to succeed. Not having that is like you're missing half your life.
    I digress... You can and will get through this. It is inevitable, one way or another. I'm not sure if you're religious, but that might help bring meaning to your life. If you're not, here's what I like to think. Everyone dies eventually. There's no reason to die early. Struggle and fight to be happy, in spite of the misery or boredom of life. Even people who are homeless and destitute can have moments of happiness. They can still have good days. So fuck circumstances. Happiness is attainable no matter who you are.
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  18. DeepSpaceAI added a post in a topic Tom2's 2nd attempt   

    Hey Tom,
    I read your relapse story and I think I'm going to make a different post there. I strongly empathize with your situation, as that was my life for the last two years. Quitting gaming is a great first step towards self improvement. Though, you truly have to face other issues in order to succeed with the 90 day detox. There is a reason you relapsed and that is because of the other problems videos games are helping you cope with. Face it one day at a time though, real change takes that kind of dedication. Good luck with your 90 day detox!
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  19. DeepSpaceAI added a post in a topic Bob's Journey   

    Hey Bob, good work with staying away from your big three! Yikes, sorry to hear the sparkling water was no good. I'm glad you didn't give into your soda temptation.
    If you want a good alternate drink, I would suggest tea. There was a point in my life (when I was but a wee lad) where I had soda on a somewhat consistent basis. Enough that I became used to crazy amounts of sugar. Eventually the soda option disappeared (my mom stopped buying it) and we both switched to drinking tea. I noticed that as a I drank more tea, I gradually started adding less and less sugar. After a month or so, I had stopped adding any at all. The drink transitioned from being tasty because of the sugar to a subtle minty(?) kind of a flavor. When I went back to soda a couple of times, I found it gross because of how sweet it was. Some of the flavors that start to appear when you're used to the sugar weren't there. If you've ever had over sweetened tea, that was sort of how overwhelming it felt. I'd buy a generic green tea and add just enough sugar (cane sugar) so that it's tolerable (it'll probably be a bit bitter until you're used to it). You'll naturally use less and less sugar as you get used to the flavor.
    I'm not super experienced in the world of meditation (haven't formally learned it). I usually meditate in shower, if you can call it that. I know meditation is about emptying your mind, but when I began, I usually just focused on a single train of thought. I would think about a story I was writing, review the character relationships and come up with bizarre, yet natural, connections. I think you can also focus on breathing though I found that difficult to do with a racing mind. At some point, it'll be easy to get in that focused mind set. Once you're focused, you'd don't have to think about anything. Be aware of your body and your train of thought. If you ever reach a point where you wonder, "Wait, how the heck did I start thinking about this?" retrace your thought train. I think you can call simple little exercises like that meditation. It takes practice and time. A bath might be a good place to start. Or somewhere you can easily relax that is in a different environment from your house. You can meditate on your bed, but if you're anything like me, you probably a phone nearby, or a laptop with stuff to read/listen to. You can't really meditate with those or in an environment where you usually use those.
    Good luck joining a gym and finding a creative outlet. Doing both those things sound like great ways to improve your lifestyle! They definitely fill in the space of being bored. (Also, sorry for the two blocks of text.)
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  20. DeepSpaceAI added a post in a topic Octsober Country - Let's do this   

    Yeah, a slow poison sounds about right. Two of Cam's videos come to mind that really changed my perspective, my second example especially. The first video described relapsing after doing a 90 day detox (I don't quite remember the context of the video). Part of the detox is to avoid the hyper stimulation caused by gaming, so when you start playing again, you'll slowly start getting used to that level of activity again. I think being accustomed to that stimulation goes hand in hand with becoming addicted all over again. The other video was someone who managed to play in moderation after his detox and what his time spent per week was. He replied with, "I play about 10 hours a month." That number shocked me when I first heard it but it makes a lot of sense. If you play every day, or even every other day, it's easy to get sucked back in. It really seems like it has to be limited to a couple hours on one day of the weekend. The amount of time is not too different from watching a movie once a weekend. Maybe if you want to play in moderation after your detox, you should seriously consider only playing for an amount of time like that.
    That's good that you're financially stable though. I imagine if that weren't the case, cravings and other things would be much more of a problem. How's your detox going? Or did you decide against doing it?
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  21. DeepSpaceAI added a post in a topic Captain's Log   

    Hey, glad to hear a routine worked out well for you! Good luck studying!
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  22. Tom2 added a topic in Daily Journals   

    Tom2's 2nd attempt

    Day 1
    - Submitted subtitles of this video. I'm glad it's been approved  What To Do If You Relapse And Start Gaming Again
    - Translated the article for parents [KO] 13 Things to Remember If You Love a Gaming Addict The original one is here. https://gamequitters.com/13-things-remember-love-gaming-addict/ I did this just for fun.
    - Wrote a story of my relapse. + made some plans. https://forum.gamequitters.com/topic/4216-the-most-stupid-and-retarded-relapse-at-important-time/
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  23. Cam Adair added a post in a topic Cam's YouTube Videos   

    New! DOING SOMETHING COOL (Tanzania)
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  24. spearcrab added a topic in Start Here + Introductions   

    Happy to be here
    Hey everyone,
    Before I get into my intro I just want to say that I've decided that for me it's about more than just quitting video games, it's also about quitting a lot of my media consumption habits (think YouTube, tv shows, music, podcasts). I don't know how relevant this is for this forum but I think a lot of us in this generation including myself have a hard time being in silence or being alone for temporary periods of time and that causes us to distract ourselves with all this technology. We are afraid to be bored.
    I've done a simple calculation - if you browse the net or play games for even just 2-3 hours a day, in a month you kill about 3.75 days I am talking about 24 hours a day non-stop (about 90 hours a month) distracting yourself, not being productive - just wasting all this time on stuff that doesn't really truly fulfill you.
    I was already able to go cold-turkey on media consumption and video games for 3 months on my first try, then had a relapse for a month, then quit again and went cold turkey for 2 months. In the end I relapsed this summer because of the reasons Cam mentions in his YouTube videos (lots of free time, crap mindset, no social life, etc.) for about 2 months. I'm finally committing myself to go cold turkey again on video games and use some of the methods mentioned in Respawn to fill my time with something that would actually contribute something to my life - and balancing out my media consumption to something where it's not a crutch but a tool.
    In the end all this technology is substituting something in me so my plan is to fulfill it in other ways.
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  25. puckspock added a post in a topic Captain's Log   

    Day 26
    Since Sunday I am coming back to my tracks., Yesterday and today I managed to work hard on the studies. Only 9 days till the tests begin. This is a time of tension, total focus, although the responsabilities and things to do. It's enough to keep my eyes right in the goals, and I will avoid any fall.
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